March 31, 2009

It's A Weird Feeling

It's a weird feeling not dreading going into work every day. Now granted I have only been doing this job for a little over a week. But it's amazing. I don't have to worry about customers screaming in my ear all day, I don't have to worry about "what is going to go wrong next" with whatever new thing the company is trying, I don't have to worry that at any moment now the ax is going to swing my way, even though I'm doing my damn job and doing it well. I'm liking it.

Oh I'm sure there will come a day that I don't want to go to work, but it'll be because I'm lazy and just want to stay home. *laughs* Not because I honestly dread my day at work.

Last night Master filled out an application to work at the same place I am. He wants out of His current job, and I can't say that I blame Him with all the crazy hours and never knowing what is going on. Not to mention the fact that we can never make concrete plans because we don't know if He's going to have to work or get called in.

So today, on my lunch break, I put His application in the business manager's mailbox. By the time Master picked me up and took us home we had a voice mail on the house phone from her asking Master to call her back. This seems similar to when I put in my application. I got a call the very next day. It would be awesome if He gets a job where I am. We could car pool and that whole not having a second car thing wouldn't be such a necessity. I'm trying not to get my hopes up to high, but it would be so cool!

Master is going to call her back tomorrow before He starts work. We figured that since we didn't get home until 5:30pm she probably had already left for the day.

I'm pushing for Him, and I'm sure He already knows that. I'm always His cheerleader, although I don't have any pom poms or anything. But that's okay. I'll cheer for Him naked with my collar and cuff on. ;-)

Other than that there isn't a lot going on. It is now officially the last day of March. So March Question and Answer Month is over.

It's still some what early in the evening. We've been pretty lazy since we got home. We ordered pizza and then watched more South Park. You can download whole seasons on Netflix. We're doomed.

March 30, 2009

Simple Solution

Work went pretty well today. The day actually went by rather quickly, even though the work load was a bit slow. Not that I was complaining mind you.

I am doing more on my own now. The trainer is basically only coming over to my desk four times a day to double check my work. Other than that I'm on my own. She gave me her extension in case I have a question about something. So it seems that I'm doing well and I already feel pretty comfortable there. I know that more responsibilities will be added as time goes on, but I don't think I'll have any problems with any of it.

After work Master took us home. He hopped in the shower and sent me off on errands. I dropped off the rent check. Seriously, it feels like we just paid the damn rent. :-|

From there I went to the store and picked up some hand lotion and a small kleenex box for my desk at work. I also picked up some things we needed around the apartment.

When I got home, however, the internet was not working. It kept saying, "Address not found."

Well, that's not good.

So we unplug the modem, wait 30 seconds, and then let it recycle. When that didn't work I called the support line. Two hours on the phone, and what fixes the problem? I'll give it to you in steps, because seriously... it was so fucking simple.

1. Shut down the computer.

2. Unplug the router.

3. Unplug the modem.

4. Wait 30 seconds.

5. Plug the modem in.

6. Plug the router in once the modem recycles.

7. Turn the computer back on.

8. Obtain internet access immediatley.

Why the tech guy didn't have me try that two hours before? I have no idea. Then again I was transferred four times. So maybe that had something to do with it. One of the reps kept pushing for me to have someone come out and look at it. Um, yeah. I am addicted to the internet. I want it fixed now. So transfer. Talk to one tier of support, can't figure it out, get another tier of support.. well you get the picture. Eventually I get someone who tells me to do the above steps and what do you know?! It works!

The Internet Gods are pleased with the modem and router once more. Picky bastards that they are. Apparently they wanted us to unplug everything and redo it. Sometimes the Internet Gods like you to do things a trained monkey can do, just to amuse them. I say if they should hand out old fashioned jester hats when they want this to happen.

March 29, 2009

More Questions & Daily Post

First, the questions and my answers. Then I'll do my normal daily post.

Has master ever hurt you or did something to you in a way that made you second guess your master slave dynamic with him?
*ponders this* No He has never done anything that has made me second guess the dynamic that we share. There have been times where I have wondered what our relationship would be like if we were just vanilla, no kink. But when I asked Him if we could try it and He agreed, I basically felt like my world was crumbling around me. I got very scared, and I honestly have no idea why. That same night I begged for Him not to make me go through with it. I was crying and shaking. He calmed me down and said that He wouldn't make me.

I’ve always been interested in your slave mat. What exactly is it? A yoga mat..a sleeping bag…? Would you be willing to show a pic? Or two or three..*giggle*
Honestly, it's simply a blanket folded over a few times with a few of those pillows that have arms on them tossed on it so I can prop myself up. That's it. It's a very thin blanket. And eventually it can get uncomfortable since it is so thin. I used to have a thicker blanket, but it got torn so we just grabbed another blanket out of the closet and used that. I'm thinking of asking Master if we can get another comforter, a thicker one, for me to use instead. The main the reason I would like a new one, is for comfort since that's when I normally stay unless I'm on the computer.

But for now it's just a simple blue thin blanket with two pillows with the arms on it. I don't have any pictures, unfortunately.


And now for my daily post. :-)

Today Master and I actually got to sleep in. It was still sleeting out when we got up, so we decided to just make it a lazy day. We just sat up and relaxed in the living room. About mid afternoon our friend B called and asked if we would mind if he stopped by after he got out of work.

So he stopped by and told us about this new girl he's taken on a few dates. We talked about various things and watched Master play video games for a little while. We went out to dinner and had a good time telling jokes and what not. When we got home we watched some South Park. B stayed until about 9pm. Master and I continued to watch South Park and now I'm just doing my post and then it's off to take my bath.

We both have to get up before 7am tomorrow, but since we slept in we know we won't be ready to go to sleep by 11pm. It's amazing. We used to be such night owls when I was working 2nd shift. Now? We're in bed sometime between 11pm and midnight. Our "bed time" used to be somewhere between 2am and 4am. Weird. But I like 1st shift a lot more. I'm home before it's dark out. Master and I get more time together, and we can actually run errands after work if we need to. It's some what odd that stores and banks are still open when I get home. *gasp*

Almost The End

It's almost the end of March. So March Question & Answer Month is almost over with. But I have a few more questions to answer. :-)

What do you think is the difference between a masochist, bottom, submissive and slave?
I know a lot of people just go by a group definition, and honestly my opinions don't always match that. But I'll try to give a short description of what I think each is.

Masochist: To me this is just someone who enjoys receiving pain on some level. They don't necessarily have to be a bottom or a sub or a slave. Hell. I've heard of Doms/Masters/Mistresses who are masochists.

Bottom: A bottom to me is someone who is submissive only in certain situations. The first thing that comes to mind for me when I hear this, is someone who is only submissive in the bedroom, and even then it is not full submission.

Submissive: Someone who defers most things to the one who they have given most control over to. However they still hold the "power" to say no, to pick and choose when they will and will not submit or defer to their Owner.

Slave: They hand all things over to their Owner. However, of course, they still have to option to say "Fuck this I don't want it anymore." Why? Because thinking other wise.. thinking that a slave can never leave.. is a fantasy. I am Master's slave, however I could leave Him if I needed to or wanted to. Thankfully such a situation has never risen where I have felt that need or want, and I'm hoping it never will.

How do you (yourself or as a couple with your Master) explain/define the in-equality in a D/s relationship. How you (as the sub) are not equal with your Master (perhaps “lower”) yet you are not less of a person or less important, yet again you are sill not equal with/to him.
This is a bit difficult to explain. But I'll do my best.

I do not see myself as less of a person as Master, just as He does not see me as a lesser person. I usually define it mainly in the Alpha/Beta terms. He is the Alpha, and I am His Beta. I am not lesser of a person, I just have a different role in the pack. The roles (as all roles) are very different and can be viewed as "not equal" to the other's role.

My role in the pack is to take care of my Alpha, and to follow His lead. His role is to lead and to take care of His Beta. It is His role to protect the pack, however the Beta also has a part in this duty. The Beta must also know how to take care of one's self and how to make decisions when the Alpha is not with the pack. (In other words, if Master is not reachable because He is at work or something along those lines, I must be able to do things without His direct guidance.)

That's all I can really think of to say on this subject right now.

March 28, 2009

Another Question

Have you ever passed out or fainted during sex or rough play?
First I have to apologize for not answering this earlier. Thank you for reminding me! Also, if anyone else has asked a question that I did not answer, let me know! I probably lost track of it somewhere in the comments. Also, March is almost over.. so if you have any more questions... shoot.

On to the question it self. I have never fainted or passed out during sex or rough play. I have however come really, really close. And that's mainly due to the fact the we do breath play. Basically Master cuts off my air supply, usually with His huge hands. I have gotten to the point where I start to see black dots, or things start to fade in and out. But Master gages this and can tell when it's happening. So He lets up, and I can breath again until He applies pressure once more.

I have never come close to passing out or fainting due to pain or anything of that nature. It's only ever occurred during breath play.

Men's Belts

Buying men's belts is a new experience for me. I have never before in my life had to do this. But let me start from the beginning.

First, I got up at 8am. I was planning on sleeping in more than that, but my body got me up and Master was already awake. So I go down and get an oil change for the car. When I get home I go into the other room to call my mom while Master watches a show on the computer that I really don't care for. Well all of a sudden He's digging in the dresser and the closet. He's looking for an older belt of His. So I get off the phone after He finds it.

See, this is what happened. Master's kind of in between belt sizes right now. So He had been putting new holes into His belt using a small screwdriver. Well, apparently those holes ripped and so He was looking for His old belt to replace it. Guess what. The old belt didn't fit either.We've known He's needed a new belt for a while but Master does not like clothes shopping unless it is for me. He really doesn't mind it if the clothes are for me. But for Him? Forget about it. Unless it's a t-shirt He can cut the sleeves off of and it has a wicked design on it, He procrastinates until He absolutely has to go buy something to replace it.

So now, because He also needs new jeans because they damn near fall off of Him without the belt, He sends me off to go buy Him a new belt. He is very particular about His jeans, and the only kind He likes is bought online, not in a store.

So like a good little slave girl I go fetch.

So I go down to a store and I have His old belt with me to kind of compare the new one to. I find a watch for myself, which I needed anyway. I also found two belts that I thought would work. Done deal, right? So I go home and Master tries it on. One, it is to short. It was a 44 when He wanted a 46. Well I bought the damn thing because it was a 44/46. So I thought, "Hey. He's in between sizes right now anyway. This will work." Yeah. Um no.

So I head back out and say fuck it. We may not have a Harley, but I'm going to the Harley Davidson store because well... some bikers are walking brick walls like Master. So they would probably have the larger belt sizes. And I am correct. Now one thing Master made sure to tell me was that He wanted at least one extra hole punched into the belt. Well, they don't do hole punching at the store. But I buy the belt anyway. I call Master because He's at home and I'm out fetching again, and He tells me to go to the hobby store down the street and pick up a leather hole punch. So I go, and their parking lot sucks. I almost get hit three times because of this. Fuckers. And guess what. They don't have a fucking hole punch. So I call Master back and He tells me to go to the leather store where we got my leather chaps. I have no idea how to get there. He tries giving me the directions, but can't remember what intersection I need to turn at. So I call the store. She gives me very, very bad directions. She tells me to go north, when I should have been going south. And I don't fucking realize this until I'm damn near in downtown. (Way, way out of the way.) So I'm frustrated and starting to get pissed off. And when that happens I cry sometimes. So I call Master back and He tells me to just go to a different store that is on the way home and see if they have a hole puncher and apologizes about what a mess this errand is turning into.

Well on my way back home (please remember I don't know the city that well, so I just followed the road I had taken so I can get back to an intersection that is familiar to me) I find the damn leather store. I go in there and they punch a hole in the belt for me. On the way home all I can think to myself is, "This had better fucking work, because now.. if this doesn't fit... I can't take it back to the store because a hole is in it, and this belt was over $50."

So I get home and Master tries it on. It fits! But guess what. Apparently men's belt sizes differ depending on who makes it. Why do I say that? Well His old belt was a 46 and He had to punch two extra holes into it. The new $50 belt? Also a size 46 and guess what... it didn't need the extra hole punched in it. :-|

Oh well. He has a new belt and He's happy. I apologized for being cranky on the phone and He said He understood. He took me out to dinner, and then we came home and watched a movie. During the movie He gave me a full body massage. :-D Happy Kitten.

March 27, 2009

And Now... The Weekend!

That's right. It is now officially the weekend. Well, that is if you count Fridays after you get out of work as part of your weekend. And I'm going to! :-D

This is awesome. I had a good day at work, Master got out of His job early so He was clean and ready to go when He came to pick me up. So we went straight to a restaurant. It is becoming some what of a tradition for us to go out to eat at a sit down restaurant on Fridays after work. I'm really liking it. It gives us time to just relax and talk for a while outside of the apartment. I know there may be some weeks where we can't do it, but I really am liking it a lot! Today we ate and told each other about our days. We took our time. It was still pretty early in the evening and we weren't in a rush at all. Plus we both have the weekend off! I hope this is something we continue to do.

From there we dropped off the movie rentals and went home. We watched a movie on Netflix and then Master let me go online for a little while. After that I took my bath and put on a bodysuit for Him. I think I twisted my knee or something, so He is having me skip my meditation for tonight. All I know is that my entire left leg hurts. It starts from the knee and then it goes up to the hip and then also down to the ankle. The only reason I know it starts at the knee is because it is slightly swollen. I asked Master to rip my left leg off. Hey. He could easily do it. It'd be like snapping a twig to Him. But He said no.

He told me to go online and do my blog post. We're probably going to watch another movie soon. Can you tell we are movie buffs? Oh. And can you also tell we don't have cable or satellite? Yeah. We don't use the TV for anything other than DVDs and video games. We can watch pretty much anything else through Netflix or the world wide web, so why bother. Plus neither of us really watched TV that much even when we did have it.

Master hasn't had cable or satellite in oh.. about six years. I haven't had it since I moved up here almost four years ago. The only reason I had it in my old apartment is because it was included in my rent.

His mother and her boyfriend are going down to Florida for 10 days. They are driving straight through, because ya know.. they're crazy.

We don't have any huge plans this weekend. I think the only plans we actually have is to get the car an oil change, to go grocery shopping, and to clean the rabbit cages. Thrillsville huh? *laughs* Hopefully it'll be a nice relaxing weekend. :-)

March 26, 2009

Tomorrow Is Gonna Be Weird

Tomorrow is going to be weird. Why? Because tomorrow is Friday, and at my old job I had Fridays off, then I work work Saturday, and have Sunday off. But with my new job, I work Monday through Friday and have off on the weekends. *blinks* So right now it feels like Wednesday night rather than Thursday night. Go figure.

But it'll be really nice to have two days off in a row!

Today was some what hectic. On my lunch break I called the maintenance guy that works for our landlord and tried to figure out another time he could stop by the check the faucets in our apartment. They were originally going to come over tomorrow to check while we were at work, but we didn't like that idea mainly because of the dog. So I called and he said he couldn't be there at 5pm tomorrow and that they didn't work weekends unless it was an emergency. Fuck. So I called Master and apparently He got out really early today. So I called the maintenance guy back and asked if he could stop by today.

He did and our plumbing is fine, so apparently the high water bill is not due to our apartment. Yay.

Then when Master picked me up from work we had to haul tail down to the local shop for the shipping company that had my messenger bag. We made it and I finally have it! :-D I love it. Straight from there we went down to my dad's and hung out. We didn't leave until about 8:30pm. So we picked up something to eat on the way home. We ate dinner, I took my bath, and then put on a mini dress. Master did a post, and now I'm on here. First I did our finances and then I checked e-mails and now I'm doing a post.

Master has to go to work earlier than anticipated tomorrow. We found that out by a voice mail on our home phone once we finally walked in the door. (By the way wearing my work clothes all day sucks. They aren't uncomfortable or anything.. it's just not what I'm used to wearing while out and about. It just felt weird.)

However after I get out of work tomorrow, it should be pretty smooth sailing from there. We don't have a lot going on. We need to clean the rabbit cages this weekend, do grocery shopping and return some movie rentals. That's about it. Oh. And we should get the car in for an oil change too.

My feet are killing me. I did a lot of walking at work today. And I'm a bit tired. Other than that, I'm feeling pretty good. I'm still getting used to my new job of course, and the rocking schedule. Getting up somewhere between 6:30am and 6:50am bites a little, but at least I'm not doing that and then not getting home until about 7:30pm like I was at my old job. So I can't complain really.

March 25, 2009

Insert Clever Title Here

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom, and He allowed me to be on top and cum at will. :-D It had been quite some time since I had been on top because of His ribs. Why do His ribs play a factor? Well, when I'm riding Him I normally press down on His chest with my hands, which would have been a bad thing while His ribs were bruised.

So we were exhausted and fell asleep immediately after.

This morning Master and I got up and got ready for work. B was here to pick me up shortly before Master started getting dressed. So we said goodbye and I headed out.

In regards to my new job, I'm getting better at figuring out where everyone is in the building, which is a good thing. The trainer is still sitting with me, so I'm still sore from having to sit at such an odd angle while at the computer.

Master picked me up from work and another package had shown up for me. I'm now also collecting frogs, as well as my pieces for my tiger collection. So I have a new frog stuffed animal. However, it appears that they also tried to deliver my messenger bag again which I found odd since I had told them last night to hold it for me. And ya know what? I would have fucking been there on time too. But on a hunch I called the 800 number again and they said that it had not been held. Mother fucker. So now they say it's on hold and I can pick it up tomorrow. This was annoying. It better be there tomorrow, or I'm not going to be a very happy camper.

So we went home and we're trying to figure out when we're going to go visit my dad. I also need to call the landlord. Apparently the water bill for the complex was higher than usual so now they want to come in and check everyone's faucets to see if any of them are leaking. I need to call the landlord to arrange when they can come over to check them. Why the hell we just can't call them and tell them, "Nope everything's fine," I have no fucking idea.

We ate dinner and watched a movie. Now Master is playing video games and soon I'll be shuffling off to go take a nice hot bath and try to get my shoulders to relax a bit.

It's a good thing I get an hour lunch at work, because I have three phone calls I need to make. *sigh*

March 24, 2009

Brains! Brains!

Okay, so I'm not in full zombie mode, but damn it kinda feels like it. And it really doesn't have to do with the job itself. It has to do with the fact that I'm not used to getting up at 6:30 in the morning. *laughs*

It is a hell of a lot better than when I was working at my last job and I was getting to work about three fucking hours early because B started his job way before I started mine and he was my ride. Now? I get picked up, I go to work, and holy shit what do you know.. I'm actually working about 15 minutes later! *gasp* And then, when I'm done with work... ya know what? Huh? Huh? Do ya? That's right! It's actually daylight. :-D

I got a lot more hands on experience today, which is a very good thing. That's how I learn best actually. And it went by really quickly. I mean I was busy, but even if I was busy at my last job the day would drag. So before I knew it it was time to go home.

Master picked me up from work and we went home. They tried to deliver my messenger bag today. So I made arrangements to pick it up tomorrow. The bad news there is that they close at 5pm. Yeah. I don't get out of work until 4:30pm and it takes about a half hour to get home. But Master is hoping He gets out on time, and then we can haul tail and make it to the place by like... ya know... 4:50pm or so.

They also tried to drop off Master's game system today (different shipping company). It was a day early. So we made arrangements to pick it up tonight.

So the night went like this. Master took care of the dog and took His shower. I went to pick up garbage bags, took out the garbage, and then we had dinner. After dinner He took pictures of me in my bra and thong. He said He just wanted to test a different picture size setting on His camera. Well He ended up liking them, so He posted a few of them here. After that we picked up His XBOX 360 Elite and now He's playing on it.

I took my bath and put on one of my favorite outfits, per Master's orders. Immediately after my bath I did my slave meditation which Master has reinstated, and now I'm on here doing my blog post.

I'm sore because my trainer is basically sitting at my desk with me. So we have two people sitting at a desk that is intended for only one person. So I'm kind of sitting to the side and trying to type, so I end up hunched over a bit and streching. This is causing my shoulders to hate me. But we're doing the best we can. :-)

I picked a schedule out today. I'll be getting out of work everyday at 4:30pm unless I need to do some overtime, and having off every weekend, unless again there is overtime that needs to be done. Awesome. And Master tells me to shut up every time I start talking about the holidays I get off. *laughs* I'm loving this.

March 23, 2009

First Day At New Job

Today was my first day at my new job.

Our friend B picked me up about 20 minutes early. It's a good thing I was ready to head out the door. I said goodbye to Master and He wished me luck. B got me there about a half hour early, so we just sat in his truck and I finished a cigarette. Master called me on my cell to again wish me luck and tell me He was proud of me.

I still went in about 15 minutes early. I'm one of those people that likes to be at work a little early so I have time to get settled without having to rush to punch in and then get everything settled, ya know? So I go in and I get my orientation, and filled out the new hire paperwork. From there I went down to see a different HR rep and she went over my benefits.

I had my picture taken for security purposes and then was shown to my desk. An IT rep came over and gave me my passwords and showed up how to set things up.

Then I met my supervisor. He went over his expectations, showed me a few more things on the computer, went over the scheduling options and gave me a tour of both buildings. We wrapped that up around 3:30pm and then a training rep took me back to my desk and showed me how to use the system (basically we just brushed on it) until it was time for me to leave at 4:30pm.

It was really weird getting out of work so early in the day, but it was also really nice. Master was there to pick me up. I had a bad headache, I'm assuming due to the weather. It was raining on and off most of the day. So I took a Tylenol on the way home. We stopped off and picked up some things before heading home.

While Master took His shower I took care of the dog and our finances. Then once He was done I put in a pizza and we had dinner. Now Master is reading a book and I'm just sitting here doing a post.

I'm cranky, and I don't mean to be. The headache is just now starting to leave.

I had a good first day, although I honestly didn't learn much in regards to the actual applications that I'll be using, but that's because of everything else that was crammed in to today. I'm trying to decide which schedule to take. They gave me options. I was shocked. I thought I would just be assigned a schedule and that would be that (like at all of my previous jobs). But nope, I have a selection. There is one where I could get out early one day every other week, but that wouldn't do me any good because Master would be working and I would basically just be sitting down town until He got out of work. I even have a choice in what lunch time I want. This is so cool.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll start learning a bit more about the actual applications.

March 22, 2009

Last Day

Last night Master had me keep the outfit on that He had me model. You can find some of the pictures on His blog.

We watched some movies before eventually heading off to bed. We had great sex and He allowed me to cum several times before using me for His pleasure only. We were exhausted afterward, so we curled up and fell asleep.

We actually got to sleep in today. Master hasn't been sleeping very well lately, so I'm glad that He caught up on some sleep. Once we were up Master took His shower and had me make a few phone calls that I needed to make. I called our friend L who had left us a voice mail yesterday to wish us a happy anniversary, so I wanted to thank him for that. I then called B and basically reminded him that I start my new job tomorrow. See, B is the one that takes me to work, and thankfully even though I am starting at 8am and he doesn't start until about 8:30am, he is still willing to take me in. So that works great! However Master and I are setting aside some funds so we can start saving up for a second car.

I felt funny most of the day. Just sort of light feeling you know? I told Master about it and He said it is probably because I'm just a bit nervous since I am starting my new job tomorrow. And I am a bit nervous, but I'm also very excited. I already wrote up the directions for Master so He can pick me up.

It sounds like tomorrow is mainly going to be doing new hire paper work and orientation. But who knows, I may get some actual job training as well. We'll see what happens.

We pretty much stayed at home today. I start my new job tomorrow and it sounds like Master is going to have a rough week at work, so we just decided it would be best to just stay home and relax. So we had pizza delivered for dinner and we've mainly been just watching movies today.

Soon (Tuesday) I'll have my new messenger bag and on Wednesday Master will have His game system back as well. He hasn't been as cranky without it as I thought He was going to be. But I know He misses coming up from work and blowing shit up on His XBOX 360 to unwind and let out some frustration from the work day.

It's been a really nice and relaxing weekend. I have to get up at 6:30 tomorrow morning, which is going to be slightly difficult. And Master has to get up by 7am. So we need to actually get to bed at a decent hour tonight.

More Answers... Again

Did you see/like the original Halloween and H20? I also loved these.
I've seen all of the Halloween movies that had to do with Michael Myers. (In other words I did not see Halloween 3.) That includes that Halloween remake that Rob Zombie did.

Master is not a big Halloween fan, so I haven't seen these movies in quite some time. But I found them interesting. I mean yeah, it's just some big guy who can't seem to stay dead going around and killing people, but *shrugs* it kills an afternoon, ya know? I do have to admit that they always seem to find a way to bring the fucker back. For instance, in H20, it turns out she didn't really cut off Micheal's head... it was an ambulance driver or some shit like that. Ugh. They should have ended it right there. When I saw that ending I was like "Finally! They killed him off for good." Yeah, er, no. Jaime Lee Curtis' character was the one who started it, she should have been the one to kill the son of a bitch.

I didn't care for the remake. But that's just me. Master liked it, He thought it made more sense than the original movies.

I'm more into the Hellraiser series, and the Nightmare on Elm Street series than any other horror movie franchise.

How do you handle it when you and your Master fight? I am newer to this kind of relationship and it seems like arguing has kind of changed, I am not sure what I can and can’t say. We have tried to keep any arguments we do have separate but it does seem to spill over when I am mad at Him for something, like I bite my tongue. Does this make any sense at all and if it does do you find it is a problem for you as well?
Please keep in mind that Master and I have been together for quite some time now. So we've had years of experience of learning how to deal with such things. And trust me, it took us a while to get to this point.

Honestly, Master and I don't fight all that often. Normally we just wait until we are both calm and can sit down and talk logically. Also this keeps my emotions (which can be like a fucking tornado, believe me) from getting in the way when I am trying to remain as respectful as possible. And it also keeps Him from screaming at me. We both have bad tempers. Or I should say we can have bad tempers. We both have short fuses, and of course after all of these years, we know exactly how to light that fuse. Why? Because as you get to know someone, you also get to know what their "buttons" are. Ya know?

In the beginning, especially when we first moved in with one another, we would do that (sometimes without realizing we were doing it) and then one or both of us would storm off and then eventually we would get over it and just talk. Now? We take time out from one another when things start to get heated. Master might go for a drive, or I might go into the bedroom. Anything so that we can cool down. Then He'll come home, or I'll go back into the living room, and we would just say "Okay, we're calm. Now let's talk about this."

Honestly, in regards to D/s or M/s relationship fights.. they don't seem all that different than vanilla relationships. It all depends on how you, as a couple, decide to handle it.

And yes, I am His slave and I am supposed to be respectful to Him.. does that mean He never pisses me off? Um, no. No it does not. He still pisses me off, just like I'm sure I piss Him off sometimes. But it's all in how you handle it. You can blow up and say things you may regret later, or you can go calm down and then sit down and talk about it when your emotions won't run your mouth. Although in the end, what He decides is what He decides, whether I agree with it or not.

March 21, 2009

Lazy Anniversary

And it's not over yet! Today has been absolutely wonderful. Truly.

Today is the anniversary of us being together for 6 years, and married for 2 years. It seems like just yesterday we were in the court house getting married, and then heading to the bar with our friends before our reception (but stopping at the game store to pick up a video game on the way to the bar). *smiles*

Master unfortunately could not sleep past 8am. His body had decided that it was time to get up, but He allowed me to sleep until about 10:30am. He then decided to wake me up by keeping me on my side and using me for His pleasure. *sighs happily*

From there we got ready for the day, and relaxed in the living room for a while. We both started to get hungry, so we decided we would start our lazy day of just bumming around. We went to a book store first, where Master found two new books for His collection of the Necroscope series. We then went to a fast food restaurant to grab a quick bite to eat. After we were done with our lunch we then went to the mall where we first met each other face to face. Master wanted me to pick out some clothing, but He also wanted to just relax and enjoy walking around the mall. He allowed me to drag Him into several stores. While at the mall I picked up this really cute purple and blue summer dress, a red and black tank top, and a mini dress that is um.. not suitable to wear outdoors. ;-) Indoor "activities" only. And a stuffed animal that is a frog. I named her Lilith. She rocks. (Yes, I name my stuffed animals.)

From the mall we went to a pet store and picked up some rabbit litter. We then decided to go home. We relaxed for a little while and tried to decide if we wanted to go to a movie today or not. We decided that if anything we would go tomorrow, if we still felt like it.

So then we tried to decide what movie we wanted to watch at home. Well, we couldn't think of anything so Master decided that instead of doing our other shopping tomorrow, we would just to go a store an get everything now, including new movies. So I put on my new summer dress and we headed out the door. I love it! It is so soft, and flowy! We went to dinner first at the restaurant where we took our friends right before we all headed to the court house to get married, only two short years ago.

At the store I picked up some new bras (during which Master disappeared into the electronics department) and another summer dress. This one is brown. Again, I love it. It's so pretty. Master actually picked that one out as we were walking past.

We picked up a bunch of movies. One was "Nanny Diaries". We just got done watching that one, and it was more of a chick flick than a comedy, like we originally thought. But we picked it up for only $5, so whatever. We also got "There's Something About Mary", "Dodgeball", and the three "American Pie" movies. Master also picked up the latest Disturbed CD, and allowed me to pick out a new mouse and keyboard for the computer. Our mouse was slowly dying, and I just simply wanted a new keyboard because when you typed on the old one, it basically sounded like you were typing on a typewriter. It was loud. This one is one of those curved keyboards, and while it is going to take a while to get used to typing on it, I love it.

Now we are home and are enjoying the movies. We are taking a short break in between movies so I can hop on here and do a quick post.

Master, today has been absolutely wonderful. You know that I love nothing more than just being able to spend the whole day with you. And I love bumming around and not really having any plans in mind. Thank you for today. It means the world to me.

You are the love of my life, my mate.

Husband, it has been 6 years, and they have been the best years of my life. I look forward to so many more with You. I know that we have our ups and downs, but we always work through the low points as quickly as possible. And the ups? Well, they reach the sky don't they? My love for You is never ending. You have supported me and pushed me when I didn't think a goal was reachable. You have always stayed by my side, and I hope that I have returned that in kind to You. Thank You for choosing me for Your mate. Thank You for deciding to put up with me for the rest of your life. ;-) I love You Master.

March 20, 2009

More Answers

Whats your thoughts on a 24/7 D/s couple having children?
My thoughts are pretty simple on this matter. I look at it like I would any other couple (gay, straight, whatever). As long as they are good parents and want children, go for it. As long as they are not physically or mentally abusive towards the child(ren) then I have absolutely no problem with it.

I do have to say however, that I am against trying to teach the child(ren) that the D/s or M/s lifestyle is the path that they should choose. I look at that very much like I do religion. It is a personal choice, and one that should be left up to the child once they are older. Offering it as an option if the child is curious and they are old enough and mature enough (because let's remember, those are two vastly different things) to speak about such things, sure. That's one thing. But shoving it down their throat and threatening that if they do not follow the path or paths that you and your partner do, that they are wrong and will not be welcome.. well then.. fuck you very much. I've seen it happen in regards to religion with my friends when I was growing up. And I've seen posts on message boards stating that they are raising their children this way (meaning within the lifestyle), I can't say that I agree with that. But hey, that's me.

I know you like horror movies, and was wondering if you saw/liked the original and remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre. (I LOVED both!)
As surprising as this may seem, I have honestly never seen the full movie of the original Texas Chainsaw Massacre. I have seen bits and pieces of it, but never the whole thing from start to finish. So I don't honestly have an opinion on it.

As far as the remake goes, I've only ever seen the previews.

You regularly mention picking up food, or going out to eat — what do you like to eat?
I am a very picky eater. I'll make a list of the main foods that I like. :-)

  1. Hamburgers

  2. Fries

  3. Mozzarella sticks

  4. Polish Sausage

  5. Italian Sausage

  6. Brats

  7. Buffalo burgers

  8. Tacos

  9. Nachos

  10. Pizza (Meat lovers preferably)

  11. Chips

  12. French toast

  13. Scrambled eggs

  14. Bacon

  15. Some fruit and not a lot of vegetables. (Really the only vegetable I like is corn.)

  16. Grilled cheese

  17. Peanut butter and grape jelly open face sandwich on white bread (Man that sounds really good right now, but I don't have any bread. Damn.)

Well I think you get the idea. *laughs* Like I said, I'm a very picky eater. I like basic food, you know, nothing to fancy or anything. So if we go out to eat it's normally just a regular every day restaurant or a bar and grill. I would feel very out of place at an actual "fancy" restaurant and I probably wouldn't eat very much at all. In fact that happened not that long ago when we went to a "traditional" Italian restaurant. I ordered an appetizer, and that was it. And I didn't really want to even eat that. Part of the reason I am such a picky eater is because I have a very sensitive stomach. So anything with a lot of spices, and my tummy is mad at me for a very long time.

Daily Update

I have another question to answer, which I will be doing either later on tonight or tomorrow sometime. But first I have to get my daily post done, or Master is not going to be happy with me.

Master called me on His lunch break and vented to me about His job. I think that helps, even though I can't do much. All I can do is sit there and listen, and sometimes say something about the situation. You know, toss in my two cents and what not. But I think it helps because it gives Him a chance to blow off steam.

He got home a little after 4pm and I headed out the door to pick up Benadryl (Gods I miss Drixoral), put gas in the car, and get rabbit food. Once I got home Master was out of the shower, so I helped Him with His lotion for His tattoos.

By the way, I am itching for new ink. But the tattoo parlor we used to go to is no longer around and I am wary of just going to any tattoo parlor, ya know? *sigh* I want to get a thunderbird on my right shoulder and an anklet on my right ankle. I already have 10 tattoos, but damnit I need more! More I tell you! And then Master needs to catch up. He only has 5. ;-)

Once He was ready to start moving again, we headed out and went out for dinner. Then we went to the movie store and rented three more movies. We just got done watching "What Just Happened?". It was an odd movie, but still good I think. I like Robert DeNiro and Bruce Willis. Oddly enough they played well off of one another in this movie.

Tonight is just kind of a lazy night, and hopefully tomorrow will be a mostly lazy day.

Oh. And my messenger bag that I ordered should be here on Tuesday, and Master's game system should be here on Wednesday. Yay!

Master is sore all over from the past six days, and for whatever reason I have an annoying pain directly under my ribs. I think Master pulled something in His shoulder. Eh. We'll mend.

Only two short hours (it's currently 10pm) until it is officially our anniversary! *happy dance* And we get to spend it together. :-) Still no plans really, but I don't care. We get to spend it together, so I'm happy.

Crying Question

Has master ever hurt you unintentionally? I know during sex seeing you in tears turns him on so to speak but on regular occasions is he like most men and can’t stand to see his lady cry?
*thinks for a moment* Well if you mean like has He ever hurt me in a way He did not intend to during a punishment or something, then yes. The belt didn't quite land the way He thought it would and He stopped, made sure I was okay, and then proceeded. In regards to outside of something along those lines, then the answer is no. He knows how strong He is and if we're goofing around or something He knows how to handle me.

The only other instances I can really think of is like maybe during a blowjob, my TMJ started to act up and my jaw almost locked on me, but that's not His fault and He stopped and fucked me instead.

In regards to crying, honestly He can make me cry just by using a certain tone of voice that cuts through me. (This is when He is displeased with me.) He will tell me to collect myself, and give me some time to do so and then once I have done so, it's over.

As far as seeing me cry because I'm upset or just really stressed out or pissed off (yes I cry when I'm pissed off), He will hold me and tell me it's all going to be okay. He comforts me.

As far as not being able to watch me cry. He actually hates it. Why? Because I can't talk. When I cry it is like my voice box malfunctions or something. So if He is trying to get to the bottom of something that is bother me, and I'm crying and I can't talk it annoys Him because He is trying to help and I can't get it all out. During those times He will tell me to do my breathing exercises and calm myself. Once I'm calm we will continue talking.

** Just remember that it's March. So it is still Question and Answer Month. If you have any questions, ask away!

March 19, 2009

Insomnia Is Fun

No really it is! You should try it sometime. I'm having a blast sitting in the living room by myself, wishing I was curled up to Master's warmth and sleeping right now. Seriously. Someone stop me from having all this fun. And no, hitting myself in the head until I pass out and stop annoying people with my blog posts is not an option. Master has strictly forbidden me from hitting my head against things. No *headdesk* for me. *pouts*


I just realized that when people aren't posting frequently on their blogs, and I'm suffering from insomnia, I get cranky and say things like, "Write something!" to the monitor. *laughs* Like other bloggers are here just to entertain me when I can't sleep. Yeah. Right. Uh-huh. Can you tell I get slap happy and cranky all at the same time when I can't sleep?

And then here is my tail writing way to much. And then on the days where I can sleep, I go back and forth between writing really in depth posts and doing maybe a paragraph and going "Yep. That counts as a daily post." Cause ya know, I'm required to post at least once a day unless I have permission to skip a day. The only time I really ask for that is if I'm sick or we've just had a really long day and I want to do nothing more than sleep.

Well, apparently Master wants me to suffer through a little bit of stubble for a while. He was sitting in His recliner and looked like if He didn't get to bed soon, that He was just gonna pass out in His chair. But He looks at me and goes, "I want you to grow your landing strip again." I laughed and said, "What brought this on?" and He shrugged and said, "I have no idea. I just want to watch you squirm while it grows in."

(I'm sure when Kaya reads this, if she reads this, she'll be like "Shut up you bitch. It's just a landing strip.") *waves at Kaya*

The one good thing that has come of my week long bout of insomnia is that I'm getting a lot of reading in. Master recently purchased the first three books in the Necroscope series by Brian Lumley. I'm still on the first book, but I'm almost done. Master on the other hand is a speed reader and is almost done with the second book already. Then again, I'm more likely to chill online than to sit down with a book when I'm bored. *slaps wrist* Bad Kitten. Plus I've read them before, and so has He, but they are really good books.

I don't feel as I've written anything really in depth lately. I feel more like I'm just typing whatever the hell comes to mind. But I'm okay with that. For now. Sometimes I do like to just sit down and write a really in depth post, rather than whatever comes to mind at the time. Maybe I can do that tomorrow. Right now I don't think I could stay on subject.


We're waiting on quite a few things at this point.

Let's see here. Master does have to work tomorrow, so needless to say He isn't happy about that. Then we have our anniversary on Saturday and we have errands to run that day. So I'm excited about it being our anniversary. The errands? Those are just necessary.

Then Monday my new job starts. Sunday? We have no idea what we're doing that day, if anything.

Also Master's XBOX  Elite system is on it's way back to us, but we have no idea when it's being dropped off at this point. UPS isn't giving an estimation on that yet. Which sucks because it requires a signature and I seriously doubt it'll be here by the end of the day tomorrow. So that means we'll probably both be at work and have to make arrangements to pick it up. *sigh*

Also I ordered a new messenger bag, and that has been shipped as well. Only that's coming through Fed Ex and again I have no idea when it's getting here. The messenger bag Master had is some what old and there are tears in the leather. The one I had? Well, that's just beat to hell. So I found one online that I really liked. I used my old one as something to carry my work stuff in and my lunch. So that's basically what I plan on using my new one for. Just to carry things with me back and forth to work. I love messenger bags. You can fit a lot of stuff into them.

We also found out that our state taxes are finally going to be deposited into the account on the 23rd (the day I start my new job). It's about damn time. Fuckers. This is almost two months after I filed. They take their sweet as time when they pull it for review.

After Master got home we basically just relaxed, ate dinner, and watched a movie. That movie "Sex Drive" is hilarious! Now He is reading a book and He looks pretty tired. :-( Poor Master.

So not a lot to report, but I just felt like doing a quick post.

This Isn't Good

Master just called me from work to let me know that when He gets home He's probably going to be in a bad mood. :-|

He was hoping that He didn't have to work tomorrow because He worked Sunday. Well, that didn't go the way He wanted it to. He has to come in tomorrow, because if the three guys who worked Sunday don't come in, then there is only going to be one guy at the shop besides the supervisor. Yay. But Master said that there aren't any job contracts tomorrow, it's just more "jerk off" work. So joy of joys.

Master hasn't been in the best of moods for the most of the week due to His job. He keeps cleaning shit up and making it look good, and people keep fucking it up and not cleaning up after themselves. I understand where that would get extremely frustrating. His job needs one of those signs that says, "Your mother doesn't work here. Clean up after your damn self." Only, maybe like.. billboard size.

Tomorrow will be the 6th day that He has to work in a row. And whenever He starts getting overtime in He worries about His job stability because the top boss keeps sending these little notes to everyone in their paycheck stub envelopes saying that he is keeping a very close eye on overtime, and where as he understands that sometimes it is necessary, it is supposed to be kept at 40 hours. See this meaningless jerk off work that Master has been doing most of the week isn't necessary. So overtime tomorrow isn't necessary either. *sigh* But there isn't much He can do about it since His direct supervisor keeps telling Him to come in, and doesn't give Him an end time.

Master is flipping back and forth between wanting to look for another job, and also wanting to get some time under his belt at a job. He is going to now be reaching His 90 days at the end of this month. That's not a lot of time at a job. But I don't know how much longer He's going to be able to put up with this.

All I can really do is be supportive and tell Him that when He does want to start looking for a new job to replace the one He has, I'll help Him look and put His resume out there. He did say that He won't leave His current job until He finds a new one, much like what I just did.

March 18, 2009

Can't Sleep. The Clowns Will Eat Me.

And no, I don't mean that Master got painted up in clown make-up and ate me out. :-| That would be a bit creepy, and one hell of a thing to clean up. (Although I have seen pictures of Him wearing clown make-up because His friend was dragging Him to an ICP concert. Yep. Totally creepy looking. Evil I'd say.)

I just can't sleep, so I thought I'd hop on here and do a post. About what? I have no friggin' idea. Let's find out together, shall we? By the way, I almost typed "Yes we shall", which for whatever reason triggered our president's catch phrase of "Yes we can!". Am I the only one who realizes that our current president shares a catch phrase with Bob the Builder? I can't be damnit, there has to be someone else!

And no, I'm not into politics, and no I'm not saying he's a bad president. I'm just making an observation. A fucked up observation, but it's still an observation. And in case you're wondering, yes I am slap happy and slightly hyper at the moment. Or I'm slowly going insane. Either suits me just fine.

I want it to be Saturday by the way. I want it to be our anniversary damnit. It's not like we have plans or anything, but I want it to be here.

Today shortly before Master got off of work, I put on a fishnet outfit for Him and then tossed clothes on top of it because I knew He was shipping me out the door the minute He got home.

To explain why He was shipping me out I must back track just a little bit. See, our friend who we had taken home from the airport this past Sunday had allowed Master to borrow his XBOX 360. I think I mentioned that the power cable we have doesn't fit with the system we borrowed. If not, now you know.

So anyway, this same friend called and said he had found a used power cable for the regular XBOX 360 for like $40. So he wanted to know if we wanted to pay half, use the cord until Master got His Elite system back, and then when we dropped off the borrowed system, we would also give him the power cord we went half and half on. So I talked to Master about it while He was at work, and he said no, that we weren't going to do that because why would we spend $20 on something we are only going to use for at most a week? Master was not pleased because it made Him feel like our friend was just trying to get a cheap power cord out of the deal. So Master told me to tell our friend that I would just be dropping the system off tonight.

Back to when Master got home. (I know I'm bouncing around a lot. Hopefully I'm making some sense.) Master gave me a hug and immediatley discovered the fishnet outfit under the clothing. So He groped me for a few moments and then swatted my tail so I would get moving. I grabbed the system and the DVDs and headed out the door. First I went to the friend's house and dropped the system off. While I was there we talked for a few moments. Come to find out that he is looking to sell the system. (It seems Master was right, he was just looking for a way to get a cheap power cord so he could have it with the system when he sells it. Ass.)

After that I went to the video store and dropped off the rented movies, and picked up three more. I got Punisher War Zone, Step Brothers, and Sex Drive. (No Sex Drive is not a porno. It is a comedy.) Punisher War Zone sucked ass. Step Brothers is something Master thought I was torturing Him with, but which I found amusing. And we haven't watched Sex Drive yet.

After we were done with the movies Master and I sat up and talked for a little while and then went to the bedroom. He was tired and sore, so He wanted to go to sleep. I was hyper and couldn't sleep. So He gave me permission to go on the computer. I got out of the fishnet outfit I had been wearing and now I'm here babbling on about random stuff. Whoo-hoo! Hopefully tomorrow will be an easy day for Master. I'm also really hoping that He has a three day weekend, because that would rock. He already worked this past Sunday, so He'll have His 40 hours as of tomorrow. Their schedule is Sunday through Saturday. And the head boss is really watching over time and breathing down the supervisor's neck for it. So if Master already has His 40 in as of tomorrow, well.... yeah. So here's hoping!

All Work And No Play..

.. makes Kitten a dull girl.

However, on the flip side of that... all play and no work makes Kitten have cabin fever. *nods*

Don't get me wrong, I'm loving being at home for these past two weeks. It feels like I have shaken off the shackles of my former job. I'm not as grumpy, I'm not as tired, and I'm not so damn snappish. Ugh. I hate being snappish. It makes me feel like a bitch, and not in the good "Bend me over I'm your bitch" way. More in the, "Wow, I'm being a real bitch right now" way. And I hate it. Not only does it get me in trouble with Master, but it makes me feel like... I don't know how to describe it. It makes me feel like I'm somebody else.

Yes. I can be a bitch, and I enjoy being a bitch sometimes. But not to the people I really care about, like Master and my family. When I start being a bitch to them I feel like a shrew. And feeling like a shrew is not something I enjoy. It makes me feel like I'm about three inches tall, and damnit I'm short enough at 5ft1. Also I'm loving the fact that when Master is home I get to spend a lot of time with Him. It's wonderful! Although with my new job I'll have weekends off, so I'll have more time with Him then too. Not to mention the fact that I won't be getting out at 7pm anymore. I'll be getting out at the latest, around 5pm. It's amazing how much two hours can change your outlook on things like that.

I feel like my mood as improved now that I'm not being yelled at by customers every day, and taking calls that last over 80 minutes, and worrying if my stats are good enough or if I'm going to have a supervisor stopping at my desk and only focusing on my last batch of stats rather than the damn near flawless record I had since I had been hired. Fuckers. Okay, enough about that place. I never have to deal with that place again once I get that damn 401k bullshit figured out.

But I am also somewhat anxious to get to my new job and start finding my groove within that job. And yes, Master and I have left the apartment to do errands and to visit people, but for some reason I still feel like I have a bit of cabin fever. I think that is because I am anxious to start the new job. Until I start it I have this constant stream of, "I wonder what it's going to be like" going on.

But I know me, even if I do love my new job and it's not as stressful as my last one there is going to be a point where I'm gonna be like "I wanna break now." *laughs* Figures doesn't it? But hey, I get personal days and vacation days, so it won't be that big of a deal.

Today I'm doing more laundry. Master wanted His regular clothes washed, and I needed to wash some of my work clothes. Also Master has decided that He wants me to get some summer clothes soon. New skirts, new dresses, etc. He also mentioned shorts. I hate shorts. I would much rather wear a skirt. Why? Eh. Shorts just aren't that comfortable to me. Because of my height they usually don't stop at the part of the thigh I would like them to. They are usually to long or to short. (I can hear Master now, "To short?! There is no such thing you crazy woman!") And even if we take an old pair of my jeans and cut them into shorts, those stupid little frayed ends always drive me nuts. Gah! And I'm no seamstress.

In the summer if I'm not wearing a tank top and jeans, I would much rather wear a cute top and a cute skirt. *shrugs* I'm fucking weird, I know.

Plus I normally hate clothes shopping, which is why when His mother, or my mother offer to get me work clothes I'm all for it! Yay! I don't have to go clothes shopping! I always feel like I'm taking to long and annoying Master, or I can't quite find something I want, or if I do find something I want I get sticker shock and then I'm all, "Are you fucking kidding me?! I'm not paying that for a shirt/pair of jeans/etc." And Master is sitting there going, "Would you just buy it already?"

Poor Master.

I do the same thing with shoe shopping. I am very picky about my shoes, both when it comes to price and looks. For instance it took me the entire time Master was in the electronics department (and trust me, He can get lost in there) to find a new pair of boots for work that I liked and didn't scoff at the price about. My shopping habits are weird. So usually, when I buy clothes I wear them until they just aren't wearable anymore. I mean I don't go around looking like a bum or anything, but I have a pair of jeans from about 10 years ago still. And they fit, and they are comfortable, and they aren't torn to hell.

Today when Master gets home He wants me to run to the video store and drop off the movies we had rented and see if there is anything worth while. This should prove to be interesting since normally when we rent movies, He picks them out.

I don't know if thise post started with any real point, but oh well. *smiles*

Scenting Questions

You have talked about “scenting” yourself. What does that mean? Why do you do it? I would assume you do this as your Master’s desires…..why does he want/like you to do this?
What scenting myself means is one of two things.

There is scenting myself before sex, such as through out the day. During those times I basically just dip my fingers into my pussy, get my fingers coated, and then wipe my fingers on a scar that is above my left breast. (The scar is something that Master gave me to before we moved in together. I think it was during the second year we were dating, before we were engaged. I don't know if you've seen posts where I am talking about edge play, since we don't do it very much anymore. But He gave me this scar with a knife. It doesn't show up very well in pictures unfortunately.) I also then wipe it over my tits if there is enough there.

Other wise I do it after ever time we have sex. So I dip my fingers into my pussy and collect both my cum as well as His and wipe it on the scar on my chest and over my tits.

As to why I do it, it is because Master wants me to. *smiles* As far as why He wants me to, it is because He has a very sensitive nose, and He greatly enjoys the scent.

And I love it when He grabs my hair and forces my head back while He sniffs my chest. And I also love the shudder, moan/growl, that He does while doing so. ;-)

March 17, 2009


Well yesterday Master got home from work. He had previously told me on the phone that He wanted me to take my bath and then be in something sexy when He got home.

So I did that. I knew when He was on His way home, so I had my lingerie on and then listened for Him to be heading towards the door. Once I knew He was walking up the steps I knelt on my slave mat to greet Him. He walked in said hi, got undressed and then took His shower. I knelt at the bathroom door while He showered.

He dried off and then went into the living room and sat down at the computer. I sat on my slave mat while He checked His e-mails and what not. Then He started watching Battlestar Galactica on the computer, so I started reading a book. He had mentioned earlier what He wanted for dinner and that He wanted me to run out and go get it. So rather than sit there and read I got dressed and headed out the door. I went to the bank, then got the food, and then stopped at the gas station. Once I was back home Master finished up watching the show as we ate. Before I started eating I got undressed and put the lingerie back on. (It wasn't the type I could easily hide under my clothing.)

We then watched two movies and headed to bed after they were done. He made use of me and allowed me to cum, but afterward I wasn't tired so I went in the living room to read so I wouldn't disturb Him by tossing and turning.

I eventually put the book down and went to bed.

Today I got up and Master had set aside the work clothes He wanted washed, so I started the laundry. I hate not having a washer and dryer in the apartment. I have a feeling they don't allow that here because they foot the water bill. So instead they have washers and dryers in the basement that everyone can use. So we try to keep a roll of quarters around for that. Thankfully that was why I had stopped at the gas station yesterday, was to get $20 in quarters.

In between switching the loads of laundry I talked to Master on His lunch break. He wasn't a happy camper. They are mainly just assigning Him little tasks to keep Him busy as there isn't anything else going on. He said that He wants to start looking for a new job in about a month or so.

I also went through the pile of work clothes I had laying on a recliner we never use in the living room. I separated the ones that I no longer wanted, the ones that needed to be washed, and then just went through the random bags of clothes that my mother and my mother-in-law had given me. I hung up all the ones that didn't need to be washed and that I was keeping, made a pile out of the ones that do need to be cleaned, and then bagged the ones I didn't want to keep.

That took a little longer than I expected. I didn't realize how many clothes my mother had given me. Her and I are about the same size and she had basically cleaned out her closet and gave me the ones she thought I may like. Coolness.

After Master's clothes were done I put them in the closet and decided to wait on my clothes until tomorrow. I didn't want to have to wait on a load of laundry to be done because I don't know when Master is getting home and we might be leaving shortly after He gets home. Good thing I got $20 worth of quarters.

Sometime this week I have to go to the store and buy some new bras and I'm sure we'll browse while we're there. Master had hurt His knee yesterday so we didn't go running like we thought we would.

Our anniversary is this Saturday. We don't have any plans, but it looks like we're going to be able to spend the day together, so that's all that really matters to me.

Other than that there isn't a lot going on.

March 16, 2009


One week from today I will be starting my new job. I'm very excited, and also nervous. Sounds weird doesn't it?

And I don't really understand it myself. I mean whenever I try for a new job I always get extremely nervous right before the interview, to the point where I have butterflies in my stomach. Then I get to the interview and I'm as calm as can be and full of self confidence. I think my body tries to get the nerves out of my system so I don't come across as an idiot at the actual job interview or something. *shrugs*

Then I go back to being nervous (as well as impatient) until I get the call that I either got the job or I didn't. Now most places around here will not contact you if they do not want you for the position. So I figure that if I don't hear back within a few days, I don't have the job. So I stop being nervous and keep throwing my resume out.

But then I find the job and I'm excited and overjoyed until the time to start the new job gets closer. Then things like the following thoughts start snaking their way through my brain:

"Will I be any good at this job?"

"Will I live up to their expectations?"

"Will I like this job?"

Well you get the idea, I'm sure. And I'm sure it drives Master absolutely bonkers. (Yes, I said bonkers.) But He is trying to help me through it in His own way. He says things like, "You're gonna really impress them hun, I know you. You're going to do just fine." Which makes me feel better. As long as He has faith in me, I can do damn near anything. Well.. except like you know.. lift a car over my head or something. If He tries to tell me I can do that then I'll just think He's trying to kill me.

So the nervousness isn't as much as it usually is. Although now that the time is getting closer I start to wonder, "Am I going to have my own desk?"

And then, because I'm an uber nerd, I start to wonder about what I should bring to put on the desk. For instance, I asked Master if we could look into a keyboard wrist rest and matching mouse pad. We don't use the wrist rest here at home, because it would be uncomfortable for Master. But at work? That would be nice. But I don't want to show up on my first day with a bunch of stuff I won't need. After all I have a feeling the first day is mainly going to be new hire paper work and orientation. Although it is going to be a 9 hour day, so how long can orientation really be?

Gah. See what I mean. I worry about weird, and pretty dumb, stuff. But I also like to browse and shop for nerdy stuff for computers, so either way I'll enjoy the trip. *smiles* And if I don't need it the first day, I'll need it eventually. Even if they happen to have their own I'll probably want my own set. Why? Because I'm picky damnit.

So today Master is at work, but He doesn't know what time He's getting out (shocking). He said we might go bumming when He gets home tonight though if He gets out early enough, so that will be fun. :-)

Our friend B stopped by today to drop off a printer that he doesn't use anymore. But now I need printer paper, and I need to buy a USB cord that goes to this printer. Apparently he lost the one it originally came with, but that shouldn't be to expensive. B was nice enough to take me to the gas station so I could pick up a few things, and then he stayed for about 10 minutes before heading back out. We talked about when he would be picking me up next Monday and all that stuff.

I'm enjoying this last week of relaxation while I can, but I'm also excited about starting my new job. I just keep telling myself that I better enjoy this time off while I can, because once I start working, that's that.

March 15, 2009

Not Much Help

I am wondering… Looking at male subs, it’s nearly impossible to find any information on male subs that aren’t treated as little girls! (overstatement, but not by much.) Do you know of any sites/friends that are non-feminized male subs?
I am sorry that I am not of much help in this area. Male submission is not really something that I research, so I don't know of any sites that may be useful to you. Also, the only male subs that I have had interactions with have enjoyed being feminine, rather than not. So I am sorry, but I am not sure what to suggest. However, I'm hoping that if any of my readers out there know of any sites, that they will comment on this post for you. :-) I wish you luck in your search!

Small Rant

And no, it's not about Master.

Part of what pissed me off today was the fact that even though we have a phone in the bedroom, it doesn't mean it wakes us all the time. We have a phone in the bedroom in case of emergencies and things along those lines. Well that and besides the living room, it's where we spend most of our time. Sometimes we like to just lay in bed together, cuddle, and talk. It's nice ya know?

So anyway, when K just would not stop calling it was highly irritating. I know it was work related, but K and Master's mother do this all the time. It doesn't matter what the fuck it is for. It could be something as simple as "Hey do you guys want to come over sometime this week?" Like that couldn't wait until we called you back? There is a reason why we aren't answering the phone. Sometimes it is because we are sleeping, sometimes it is because we are not feeling well, sometimes we aren't home, and what do ya know... sometimes we're fucking gods damnit!

First, they try the house phone and then don't leave a voice mail. Then they'll call my cell, and not leave a voice mail. Then they'll try Master's cell and not leave a voice mail. And then, it's right back to calling the fucking house phone. And they repeat this cycle until we pick up one of the phones. And if we're not home and our cell phones aren't getting reception or something, when we do get a hold of them or they get a hold of us they get all pissy cause we didn't call them back. Well maybe that's because you didn't leave a voice mail message on ANY of the phones. Not one. And we don't check the house phone's caller ID, we check to see if there is a voice mail. If there isn't any, we don't worry about it and figure that if it was important they would have left a damn message.

So needless to say K doing it this morning just tripped that trigger and pissed both Master and I both off. Why? Because they do it so often, not in emergencies, but for every little thing. And if we call them? Well tough shit if they don't answer the phone and don't return our message. See, we're normal in that way. We call. We leave a message. And then, we wait for you to return our call. That's that.

So as I said in one of my comments in my previous post, one of these days when they do that (and it isn't an emergency) and we do answer the phone, and they ask me why we didn't answer their previous 10 calls, I'm just going to say, "We were fucking. What do you want?" Fuck it. I'm sick of it and so is Master. We're young, we're in love, and we're married. We fuck. Get over it.

So when Master did get to work, He did tell K he could have easily left a voice mail. Master also told me that next time unless it is my family calling (which we would know due to the caller ID and the fact that my family lives in a different area code) to not answer the phone until 9am. Anything before that? Well people are just shit out of luck.

And just so ya'll know, Master and I are fine. He was in a pissed off mood when He got home, but I apologized again and as I was kneeling at His feet He said it wasn't me that He was mad at. He was pissed off because of what happened at work.

See, Master originally had that assignment. Then a coworker bitched and whined about the fact that he (meaning the coworker) always does that particular job contract. So he ended up taking the assignment and Master was told that He would have Sunday off then.

Well I found out what happened, and I was pretty close to the mark. Apparently this particular coworker is getting sent out of town tomorrow (Monday) and so he basically changed his mind about doing the contract today. Now, this guy knew that he was going out of town as of yesterday (Saturday). So common sense would say, "Hey, maybe we should figure out who is going in his place and contact them so they know." Nope. They fucking waited until 6am this morning to call Master and say, "Oh yeah by the way." And all this when the contract started at 7am, but they were all supposed to meet up at 6am. So yeah, lets fucking wait until everyone is supposed to be there and then call. That makes sense.

In regards to anyone saying that Master would have been pissed off if I hadn't answered the phone and something had been wrong (like an emergency or something) that is incorrect. Unless it was my family calling and it was an emergency (cause they are normal people and that is the only reason they would call that fucking early) He literally does not care.

He does not have a close relationship to His family. Does that sound cold? *shrugs* Oh well. It's the truth and one that I can't say I blame Him for. His mother thinks that everything can be fixed by material things. That's it. She doesn't apologize, she doesn't change anything, she just buys shit and gives it to you. But we try to stay corgial because His mother is the only family that He has anymore, besides His daughter.

So anyway, Master got home and we were fine. He apologized for snapping at me. We chilled, and then went and had dinner. From there we picked up our friends from the airport and took them home. We borrowed our friend's XBOX 360 since Master's is in the shop, and this particular friend has two of them. We get it home and start hooking it up, but guess what.. the power cable isn't interchangable between a regular XBOX 360 and an XBOX 360 Elite, which is the one we have. So we call around and the friend doesn't have a spare power cord, and it costs about $100 to buy a power cable for one. :-| So Master is still without an XBOX. Figures. Oh well, hopefully His will be back soon.

So there is my rant.


I feel guilty as hell.

Last night Master and I didn't get to bed until almost 3am, simply because we stayed up to watch movies and talk. We were enjoying our time together and Master was venting about some things that had happened at His mother's.

So at 6am this morning, I remember the phone ringing and ringing. It would stop and the voice mail would pick it up, and I would look up and there wouldn't be a voice mail so I didn't worry about it. I was figuring that it was some drunk who had a wrong number and just kept trying the wrong number again and again, or something along those lines. So I would lay back down, if it was an emergency someone would have left a voice mail. Well it continued this cycle of ringing, going to voice mail, and then no voice mail message. Finally I got up out of the bed and looked at the caller ID. I didn't recognize the phone number on it, so I figured I would answer the phone, tell the person on the other line that they had the wrong number, and then go back to bed.

But it wasn't that simple. I should have just unplugged the damn thing. It was K, my mother-in-law's boyfriend/Master's coworker. I was about to ask what was so important that he had to keep calling, when He quickly asked, "Is (insert Master's real name here) awake? Can you wake Him up?"

Maybe it was because I was sleepy, but it sounded like there was a sense of urgency in his voice. I thought perhaps something was wrong with Master's mother. If I had been thinking I would have remembered that K was working today and that originally Master was going to go on the job with him, and told K that no, I can't wake Him up because He's sick.. or something like that. But I wasn't thinking so I handed Master the phone and told Him who it was.

Guess what. K wanted Master to come into work. I don't know the details. I don't know if one of the guys didn't show up like they were supposed to or what, but needless to say Master was not happy. He was pissed actually.

Master quickly got ready, came in to the bedroom where I was and kissed me and said goodbye. My poor Husband who only had a total of about three hours of sleep at this point, now had to go into work. We stayed up late because someone else had told Master that they were going on the job, and so K told Master He could stay home.

Master called me around 10am and told me next time not to answer the phone. I apologized, but that doesn't help. He is still stuck at work and I didn't think quick enough to realize who was calling and why they would be calling. At the time of Master calling me He said that supposedly they were about 90% done with the job. Well, it's now almost 1pm and Master is still not home. :-(

And I feel bad because now He's only had one actual day off all week, and He'll probably have to work tomorrow. On top of that we have to be at the airport this afternoon to pick up our friends who are coming back home from a trip. And I remember Master telling K about that at 6 this morning. He said, "I have to pick up my buddy from the airport today."

So depending on when Master actually gets out of work, He may have just enough time to hop in the shower and then head back out the door again.

And yes, I feel guilty about it. But I'm also pissed off at who ever didn't show up for work today. I have a feeling it was the guy who said he wanted to go on that damn job contract. Don't say "Oh but I always do that one!" and bitch about Master getting assigned to it, and then get it reassigned to you and then not fucking show up. Like I said, I don't know all the details but this is what is rolling around in my head. I have a feeling that is what happened.

If it would have just stayed assigned to Master, we wouldn't have stayed up so late and Master wouldn't be working on three hours of sleep right now.

Master told me when He called earlier to not expect Him to be in a good mood due to what happened, and I understood that. I knew He wasn't going to be a very happy Yote today. So me? I'm going to try and stay as docile as possible and not cause any waves. His day has been stressful enough without me adding to it.

March 14, 2009

More Smut

Yay! :-D I love writing smut. And ya know the best thing about writing smut? It's all true. It's not something I imagine and then write down. When I write about it, it's all true. And then later I can come back and read it and it still gets me all hot and bothered. I do that a lot. I go over my own blog archives and read some of the entries. *grins* It's great.

Last night after we were done with the movies Master and I talked for a while, I did my blog post while He read a book. Once I was done with my blog post I asked Him if I should shut down the computer. He said yes, and then said one word... "Bed." That made me shiver.

So I shut down the computer and then we headed off to the bedroom. Master pulled me to Him and ran His fingers through my hair, giving me pets. I relaxed and enjoyed the sensations. Shortly after He started, He stopped and pulled me against Him and bit into my neck. (His mouth is healed. Yay!)

As He was biting my neck He does something that always causes a shiver to run down my spine. He loves taking the skin on my neck in between His teeth and then sliding His teeth up and down my neck, keeping the skin in between His teeth before releasing it and starting again in a new spot. His has very sharp teeth, and it always makes me wonder if this time He's going to break through the skin. But He never does, not on my neck. Safety first and all that. He'll leave hickeys from hell, but He won't break through the skin on my neck.

Although He will break through the skin on my shoulders. I still have bite marks on me from when we first started dating almost six years ago, on my shoulders. They look like freckles now, but I know what they are. Can you tell we have a biting fetish?

Then He very roughly started playing with my breasts. I was wearing a body suit, so Master had me lay on my back and unsnap the crotch portion of it. (It's always easier for me to do it.)

He then told me to slide up. I did as I was told and then He started licking my pussy. I love it when He sucks the lips of my pussy into His mouth and runs His tongue along the inside of them. Heaven. Pure bliss.

I normally have an easier time getting off if He eats me out and shoves His fingers inside me. I greatly enjoy having something to clamp down on. But not last night, He did not allow it. He wanted me to cum purely from the pleasure He was giving me from His mouth. And I got off, very hard.

From there He licked me a few more times, I'm sure just to hear me whimper. He knelt up on the bed and pulled me up by my collar. He held me against Him and ran His hands along my ass and back, while He sucked on my tits. He then shoved me down and had me suck His cock and massage His balls. At first I thought He was just going to shoot His load down my throat, but no. He had more plans for me.

He grabbed my hair, and twisted it so that it was wrapped around His hand. He then used it as a leash and turned me around so I was on all fours. I was already dripping wet, first because of Him getting me off the way He did, and secondly because I get really horny whenever I suck His cock.

He was rock hard and it hurt when He shoved Himself inside of me. He didn't let go of my hair until I came again. Then He pounded Himself into me over and over again. At this point it some what becomes a blur. My pussy hurt and yet I wanted more. He was calling me His bitch in heat, His slut, His whore. He called me depraved, and I knew that I was all of these things.

I bowed down before Him and after ripping two more orgasms out of me, He told me to lay down before I fell down. I was shaking from the mixture of pleasure and pain that I was receiving. So I laid down and He turned so that we were both on our sides. He squeezed me to Him and again had me cum for Him.

Then He put me on my stomach and as He settled on top of me I almost started crying. He gently told me to shush. And I did. I bit down on my lip and stopped myself. He pinned down my arms and hooked His legs under mine. As He forcefully pushed forward He leaned down and said, "Now you can cry." *shudders* How hot is that?

And I did. He used me for His pleasure and I cried. I was overwhelmed and I loved it. I love it when He pushes me to that point. I began to buck back against Him but eventually I just couldn't and I surrendered and just laid there crying as He had His way with me.

He filled me and then asked me if I wanted Him to pull out slowly or quickly. I said that it did not matter, so He simply rolled off of me and laid on His side of the bed. He held me to Him and kissed my forehead a few times. I then cleaned Him off and scented myself. As I wiped the mixture of our bodily fluids onto my chest He smiled and said, "That is the most lovely perfume." I smiled at Him as well, and then we curled up and fell asleep.

March 13, 2009

Happy Friday the 13th

The day a lot of people believe to be bad luck. Me? It's just another day. Although I do like to poke fun at it since it is considered a day of bad luck.

So anyway, last night after my blog post I still wasn't tired and I knew Master had to get up early the next morning, but I was horny.

So I turned off the computer and went to the bedroom. Master was already fast asleep facing my side of the bed. I laid down next to Him and for a few moments I just looked at Him. I like doing that while He's sleeping. Hell, I like looking at Him all the time *laughs* but there is something about looking at the one you love while they are sleeping. I don't know what it is.

I was debating with myself as to whether I should just try to get some sleep, or try to wake Him up and get laid. Decisions, decisions, decisions. On the one hand I knew He was tired. On the other hand, I was horny.

So I decided that I would try to wake Him for sex and the worst thing that would happen is that He would turn me down and tell me He wanted to sleep. Yes, I admit that sometimes when this happens I feel a small pain of rejection, but it was worth the shot anyway.

So as He was laying on His side I snaked my arm under the covers and started stroking His cock. His dick woke up before He did, but soon He was moaning and woke up a bit more and pulled me to Him. He asked if there was something I wanted, to which I giggled and said, "What do You think Master?"

So He fingered me while I continued to get Him fully erect. He then put me on my back and allowed me to guide Him into me. He allowed me to cum many times, to the point where it was starting to hurt. I don't know if it is just me, but after however many orgasms, they start to hurt. I don't know if it is because the mucles in there are like, "Hey. Listen, we're overworked in here!" But Master didn't care, He continued to force them out of me. He eventually bent me in half and I got off so hard that I actually caught Him off guard and He filled me with His cum.

*smirks to myself* I take a certain amount of pride in the fact that I can catch Him off guard and cause so much pleasure for Him that it overrides His will power. Master has an incredible amount of will power (read: He is a stubborn son of a bitch), so when I can override that and cause Him to cum when He is trying to hold back, a smirk appears on my face and a sense of satisfaction washes over me. I'm a smug bitch aren't I? Especially after all these years together. It'll be 6 years next Saturday, and apparently I still have some tricks up my sleeves, or is that in my pussy? *shrugs* Either way. ;-)

He collapsed on top of me, and I held Him to me, wrapping my legs and arms around Him and just enjoying that moment between us. Once He rolled onto His side of the bed, I cleaned Him off and scented myself before we curled up, and He locked His hand around my wrist before we both drifted off to sleep. I am so glad that I woke Him.

Today Master went into work and I woke up about an hour before He called me to let me know He was on His way home. He got out at 11am today. Yay!

Since He had gotten home so early we decided to just bum around. It has been quite some time since we have done that. Lately we have only gone out to stores when we needed something, not just to browse and kill time. I love bumming around with Him. We have a lot of fun doing it. So we went out to lunch and then went to a store. I was looking for a matching wrist rest and mouse pad for when I start my new job, but I couldn't find one that I liked. So instead we browsed the video games and movies. We ended up picking up the entire set of X-Men movies and a new set that neither of us even knew existed.

See, we love the Aliens movies. And we both love the first Predator movie (not so much the second). But this DVD box set has all of the Aliens movies, both of the Predator movies, and both of the AVP movies. Jackpot! So we picked that up as well.

When we got home we watched all of the X-Men movies back to back, with one break in between the second and third one so I could get myself clean and put on an outfit for Master. Things in regards to my submission to Him have been going rather smoothly as of late. This is a very good thing of course.

I wonder if it has anything to do with the fact that I'm not longer on pins and needles about my whole job situation. The last job I had, I was getting there about three hours early because of the time B had to drop me off, then it was a stressful day at work almost every day due to the type of work I was doing, and then I would come home and we'd barely have any time together, and the weekend would be over before we could blink.

I think with my new job, since I'm starting at 8am, and won't be dropped off until about 15 minutes before hand, that will cut the stress quite a bit. Along with the fact that I'll be getting out at a decent hour and we'll have more time together in the evenings. Add to that the fact that I'll have two days off in a row, my days off won't fly by like they did when I had one day off, work the next day, and then have my other day off. That always made it feel like I never had time to relax ya know?

So yeah. There isn't a lot I can complain about right now. And I'm grateful for that. Not even Master's mother is going to be able to totally ruin my mood tomorrow. That may sound harsh, but that woman constantly drags the happy out of people and smashes it against a rock, simply because she isn't happy with her lot in life (which I might add she has created all on her own).

March 12, 2009

Almost The End Of The Week

Master gave me a call while He was at work to wake me up and tell me to call around to places that may rent out XBOX 360s. His is broken. So we had to ship it off today, so He'll probably be without it for about two weeks.

So I got up, got ready for the day and basically called every game store and every movie rental place I knew of. Guess what. No one rents out systems anymore. I swear I remember a time where basically everyone did it. Apparently people were ripping them off and never returning them. Go figure.

He called again on His lunch break and we talked for a few minutes. He basically just wanted to check in and see how things were going. I told Him about the game systems not being available for rent anymore. And He told me that He doesn't have to work Sunday. Apparently another guy wanted to go on that particular contract, so Master doesn't have to anymore.

Master got out of work an hour earlier than anticipated, so that was nice. He came home and I was kneeling on my slave mat. He got undressed and went directly to the shower. I knelt outside of the shower after I unplugged everything from the XBOX 360.

Once He was done with His shower, He packed it up and put the shipping label on it. Then we both got dressed and headed out. We went to drop off the XBOX 360 first so it could be shipped out. Hopefully it'll be back soon. From there we went to a movie rental store and picked up three movies. We got "Madagascar 2", "Hancock", and "Open Season 2". We made one last quick stop at the gas station and then went home.

We watched all three movies back to back, and some where in there had dinner. He worked on my shoulders a little while, but His rib is still bothering Him. It's better than what it was, but not 100% yet.

Once 11pm rolled around Master wanted to go to bed, but I wasn't tired yet. So I set the alarms for Him, tucked Him in, and now I'm here making this post. It's nearly Friday.

It sounds like He will have a pretty easy day at work tomorrow. Who knows, maybe He'll get out early again.

Love Thy Self

So here’s a question for you… you said that when you first met your M you were very shy and insecure. (my words) I’m the opposite, I am a bit of an exhibitionist but I dislike my body. (go figure) Yet, as I posted the first pix of myself on my blog tonight I found myself enjoying the look of them, enjoying what I see in that round-a-bout sense that I know it’s what my Sir likes. Not sure where the question is in all this, but any comments or whatever on that particular journey? Of learning to love ones physical self?
You are correct, I was extremely shy when I first met Master. I basically didn't think I was attractive at all and I was wondering why the fuck He would be interested in me. Why? Because He is sexy and handsome.

Here is a good example. The first time we had sex was in a hotel room. I asked Him to turn off all the lights except for the one in the bathroom, which would provide some illumination in the main room. Never mind that at the time I didn't know how well He could see in the dark. *giggles* And apparently He really liked what He saw. Who knew?

Another good example is that the first time He had me dress up in lingerie, it was a body stocking and I got under the covers and basically tried to hide myself from Him. I was embarrassed. Again, He liked what He saw.

Over time He helped me build up my self esteem. He still does. He would give me compliments and touch me all the time, and things of that nature.

Now look at me. I post pictures of me getting fucked, giving head, being totally naked, being in various states of undress, etc. And I love it. Hell I even used to be a stripper.

Learning to love yourself. *ponders this* The only thing I can say is that you are in the skin you are in, so you might as well learn how to love it. It seems that no matter what you do, there is always going to be something you don't like about yourself. It seems to just be human nature. Me? I hate my feet. Hate them! And I personally am not one who is for cosmetic surgery. Corrective surgery? Sure. Not a problem, I understand that. But cosmetic? *shudders* No thank you.

Over time I became more and more comfortable with my looks. I'm not a super model. I'm not someone who could make millions soely on my looks, and ya know what? I'm okay with that.

How did I become comfortable with my looks, as far as being an exhibitionist? Well, first I had to become comfortable with my looks as far as Master goes. When that happened, which took quite some time I do have to admit, the rest of it came easy.

It was one of those things.. "Oh? You don't like the way I look? Then stop looking at me. No one is making you. And my Master finds me sexy as hell, and His opinion is the only one that matters."

And it is. Does that mean I don't appreciate compliments from others? I do. As long as they aren't creepy. *laughs* But at the end of the day, Master is the only one who has to see my naked and look at me every day. He loves the way I look, and so I love the way I look. I can look at myself as Master would and go, "Yeah. I'd fuck me." (Which is by the way, something Master would love to see. Unfortunatley cloning is still not a very safe procedure and so He's stuck with just one of me. Pity Him.)

I hope that this answered your question. If not, let me know with some clarifying questions and I'll do my best to answer those as well.