March 12, 2009

Love Thy Self

So here’s a question for you… you said that when you first met your M you were very shy and insecure. (my words) I’m the opposite, I am a bit of an exhibitionist but I dislike my body. (go figure) Yet, as I posted the first pix of myself on my blog tonight I found myself enjoying the look of them, enjoying what I see in that round-a-bout sense that I know it’s what my Sir likes. Not sure where the question is in all this, but any comments or whatever on that particular journey? Of learning to love ones physical self?
You are correct, I was extremely shy when I first met Master. I basically didn't think I was attractive at all and I was wondering why the fuck He would be interested in me. Why? Because He is sexy and handsome.

Here is a good example. The first time we had sex was in a hotel room. I asked Him to turn off all the lights except for the one in the bathroom, which would provide some illumination in the main room. Never mind that at the time I didn't know how well He could see in the dark. *giggles* And apparently He really liked what He saw. Who knew?

Another good example is that the first time He had me dress up in lingerie, it was a body stocking and I got under the covers and basically tried to hide myself from Him. I was embarrassed. Again, He liked what He saw.

Over time He helped me build up my self esteem. He still does. He would give me compliments and touch me all the time, and things of that nature.

Now look at me. I post pictures of me getting fucked, giving head, being totally naked, being in various states of undress, etc. And I love it. Hell I even used to be a stripper.

Learning to love yourself. *ponders this* The only thing I can say is that you are in the skin you are in, so you might as well learn how to love it. It seems that no matter what you do, there is always going to be something you don't like about yourself. It seems to just be human nature. Me? I hate my feet. Hate them! And I personally am not one who is for cosmetic surgery. Corrective surgery? Sure. Not a problem, I understand that. But cosmetic? *shudders* No thank you.

Over time I became more and more comfortable with my looks. I'm not a super model. I'm not someone who could make millions soely on my looks, and ya know what? I'm okay with that.

How did I become comfortable with my looks, as far as being an exhibitionist? Well, first I had to become comfortable with my looks as far as Master goes. When that happened, which took quite some time I do have to admit, the rest of it came easy.

It was one of those things.. "Oh? You don't like the way I look? Then stop looking at me. No one is making you. And my Master finds me sexy as hell, and His opinion is the only one that matters."

And it is. Does that mean I don't appreciate compliments from others? I do. As long as they aren't creepy. *laughs* But at the end of the day, Master is the only one who has to see my naked and look at me every day. He loves the way I look, and so I love the way I look. I can look at myself as Master would and go, "Yeah. I'd fuck me." (Which is by the way, something Master would love to see. Unfortunatley cloning is still not a very safe procedure and so He's stuck with just one of me. Pity Him.)

I hope that this answered your question. If not, let me know with some clarifying questions and I'll do my best to answer those as well.

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