December 19, 2014
This year is harder. It isn't that far away at all. But this year is more.... difficult. A few years ago my grandfather had stopped hosting Christmas out at his house. But he still continued to come see everyone. So we would all gather at my mom's house. This year... well this year he won't be coming. He'll be sitting in a nursing home, probably not even realizing that it is Christmas. Probably not even thinking about any of us because nine times out of ten he doesn't remember that we even exist. Catch him on the right day and yes, he'll know he has grandchildren but not our names. Catch him on any other day and hell... he might even remember that he has two sons. As a result, how could he possibly have grandchildren?
It's hard. Really hard. And as much as we all want him to be at peace we are all also hopeful, selfishly, that he doesn't pass away on Christmas. Honestly that is more for the younger members of our family than for us.
As a result of my grandfather not coming to Christmas at her house my father won't be either. My mother and father have been divorced since I was 17 years old. But my mother and her current husband had my dad over for Christmas so that Grandpa wouldn't have to make another stop and her house is bigger than my dad's. But this year that isn't going to happen. So we'll be meeting up with my dad sometime early this upcoming week.
On the other side of this stress is my mother-in-law. Master and her haven't spoken since September. It was ugly. Master tried many times to basically tell her to back off and leave it alone. But she couldn't. That just isn't the kind of person she is. She has to have the last word. She is the one that is always right. And everyone has to treat her with kid gloves or she automatically climbs up on a cross. Anyway... since she wouldn't let it go and wouldn't stop escalating the matter by taking one low blow after another Master went off. And quite honestly He held a lot back. He went off, but not as much as He could have.
As a result, they haven't spoken. As Christmas is getting closer we were wondering if she was going to contact us. She hasn't. Master is holding His ground and I don't blame Him. If He were to contact her, in her mind she would have won. And she would hold it over both of us. And so we wait. And wait.
This Halloween passed by without seeming like Halloween, and that's my favorite holiday. And this Christmas is passing by more stressful than usual.
December 17, 2014
I've been making paracord items for a while now. I started making them for friends and family at first. But then I got good enough at it that I started to make them to sell. It started off slow. I had bought quite a bit of paracord supplies as a first investment, so I was a bit worried when I started. Did I make the wrong decision? Did I go overboard? Seriously, I was freaking out a little bit about it. Master assured me that it would pick up and that it was better that I had overstock rather than not have it when I needed it.
I've been "pimping" out my paracord items all over the place and there were a few orders here and there which was cool. A few bucks here. A few bucks there. It isn't much but every little bit helps. Then all of a sudden this week it has blown up! It also helps that my mother has started making gift baskets to sell and has been putting a paracord item that I have made in them. So I get a little money there too! It's awesome.
I know it's mainly due to the holidays but what does it matter? Money is money regardless of when you get it. Also, I'm not going to complain about it. I will say that I had to make two trips to the place I buy my paracord supplies from today. And then tonight I received an order for someone and due to that I have to make another trip to that store tomorrow. Oh well.
I am waiting for the cashiers to know me by name at this rate. *sigh* The good thing is that the store is moving even closer to where I live so that's great.
I do have to say that my shoulders are killing me. Partially because I've been knocking out the bracelets back to back to back. I'd rather sit down for a long time doing them rather than do one here and then in a couple of hours I'll do another. Fuck that.
The other part is because my mother, my brother, and I went to a mall today. Normally it's no big deal but this mall is huge and since my shoulders were already bothering me it was only getting worse. It's not like I didn't have a good time, because I did. But I'm paying for it. Especially since I had to make another two bracelets when I got home.
I used some of the profits of my paracord sales to get Master an early Christmas gift. It's a Sons of Anarchy jacket. I gave it to Him right away. He loves it. He scolded me that I didn't buy anything for myself with my paracord sales money. I told Him that I was going to while I was at the mall because I found a Supernatural winter hat I really wanted. The only reason I didn't buy it for myself is because my brother bought it for me as an early Christmas gift. Can ya tell that the adults don't really wait? We're just like, "Here ya go."
In addition to the Supernatural winter hat my brother bought me a Supernatural wallet for my purse. I love both of the items!
Don't get me wrong, I really love Sons of Anarchy but I love Supernatural more. So Master has all the reaper gear going and I'm starting a little collection of Supernatural items. I found some kick ass necklaces and rings but my nickel allergy always prevents me from buying them. *sad face* I do plan on buying more Supernatural related items. T-shirts, Sweatshirts, etc...
December 15, 2014
Later on in the night He got undressed and we got in bed together. I cuddled up next to Him while He was laying on His side. I reached down and started stroking his cock. He started rubbing my pussy through the lace thong commenting on how nice it looked on me. He moved so that I had to let go of His dick and He started molesting my tits. I gripped at His arms and upper back as I grew more and more turned on. When He was done He knelt up on the bed and reached to take my thong off. I lifted up my hips to make it easier.
He had me slide up on the bed so that He could eat me out. After a certain point I asked Him to finger me while He did so. Shortly after He started doing that I came. He didn't give me any time to recover and I was already overly sensitive. Instead, He grabbed my hips, pulled me down the bed, and then motioned for me to get onto all fours. As soon as I did He pressed on my upper back to let me know that He wanted my ass up and my head down. I immediately put myself in that position.
As I said I was already very sensitive so as He was fucking me deeply I was clawing at the bed and trying my best to stay still. It's not so much that He doesn't ever want me to move during sex but when He grips certain parts of my body, such as the way He was gripping my hips last night, I know better than to move. After almost twelve years of our being together I know these things.
He allowed me to cum several times before He told me to lay on my stomach. While I started to move and had my right leg down fully He pushed His knee against my left leg so that it was flat on the bed but bent at the knee.
Sometimes I'm still surprised at how deep He can get inside me. Just when I think He couldn't possibly get any deeper, He does. After that point I was just His fuck toy. I wasn't allowed to cum anymore and sometimes, to me, that's even hotter. Especially when I'm already worked up and have had several orgasms and now I have to keep my body from tipping over yet again into one. (Yay for being able to have multiple orgasms!)
I begged for His cum and after He filled me we stayed in the position we were in except He was also bent over me, propping Himself up on His hands. Once He moved He collapsed next to me and I scooted over to Him so I could rest my head on His chest. It is one of the most comfortable things in the world after sex.
I cleaned Him off and then we got ready for bed. As soon as we curled up we both drifted off.
I'm still sore today. I love it.
December 13, 2014
When He was done He sat up, while still gripping my throat, and forced my legs apart before slapping my pussy lips lightly. As He maneuvered Himself in between my legs He applied more pressure with His hand. As He forcibly entered me He squeezed my throat even more.
I felt myself getting light headed. He would ease up on the pressure on my throat long enough for me to gasp a few deep breaths and then He would apply more pressure than He did before. He is always very, very careful when He's choking me. He makes sure to balance Himself in such a way that there is never a risk of Him slipping and accidentally applying His full body weight to my throat. Although He does love getting me as close as possible to passing out before allowing me to breathe. And I have to admit that I love it too. I know that I can tap His arm at any time which is basically a "safety" thing where if I feel uncomfortable or unsafe He will completely let go. That has actually never happened.
After He was done He laid on top of me and alternated in positions He wanted me twisted into. While He had both of my legs on His shoulders He leaned forward, effectively bending me in half. I reached down and started massaging His balls. He had already allowed me to cum several times but as He got closer to His orgasm He ordered me to cum once again. As soon as mine peaked His started.
We were both very tired afterward. It didn't take long before we started getting settled in to go to sleep.
Labels: rough sex
December 11, 2014
It is like cabin fever is already setting in and it's only the middle of December. I honestly think that everything going on in our families is not helping. Both my side and His. Granted it's only one or two select people on each side, but it's enough to fuck with our zen.
What we're going to do I have no idea. We'll figure something out. But with our not having a lot of money it limits our options. *shrugs*
I feel kind of cuddly today. Cuddly and affectionate. Honestly that isn't unlike me. But it is kicked up a notch today. Not necessarily all day. It pretty much got kicked up to this level about two hours ago. But I'm also sore, so yeah.
There hasn't been a lot going on. In general. There isn't a lot going on here at home. There isn't a lot going on with anyone. And there isn't a lot going on in our dynamic. Not due to any reason in particular. Right now it's just the normal stuff. Nothing really of note. I'm not complaining, I'm just explaining why I haven't really written about it.
December 9, 2014
Master and I were out and about when all of a sudden my hand started to shake a little bit when I was holding something. Okay, I know that is a sign that I need to eat in order to get my blood sugar back up. No big deal. But within the matter of 15 minutes the shaking got worse. We weren't that far from home though, thankfully. So after we got into the door I had a cookie and then some chips.
I felt okay after that. But about a hour ago I started to feel worn the fuck out. Not only tired but exhausted for absolutely no reason. And everything just hurts. My joints and muscles don't like me right now.
As a result I pretty much immediately went and took my bath so I could get that out of the way. It's a lot earlier than I normally would take one. And after my bath I put on my most comfortable hoodie and a pair of sweat/yoga pants. I don't know really what to call them. It's not one or the other really... *shrugs* All I know is that they are comfortable.
Master told me to rest. So I figured I should get my post done for today too. I'm just kind of having a hard time actually concentrating enough to write out this post. I'm not completely out of it. I can pay attention to things and follow it... But writing? Not so much.
I'm also waiting to hear about my brother. He went to a walk-in clinic because he felt a pop in his chest and since then has been having a difficult breathing. He has quite a few health problems. He has asthma, seizures, and heart issues.
So they are running tests and took an x-ray and have given him a breathing treatment. That's all I know for sure right now. I'm not really getting myself worked up about it though. Not that I'm not worried about him... it's just that there is no need to get worked up until I know exactly what is going on so I am trying to push that to the back of my head for now.
I will say that Master has been babying me today because I don't feel well. He pretty much ordered me to get comfortable and relax as soon as my bath was done. Yes Sir! *smirks*
December 7, 2014
"How much longer do you think Grandpa is going to be able to keep going on?" - I have no idea. Hopefully not much longer.
"Do you think your dad is going to keep his promise and actually have his body at the wake?" - He damn well better.
"Do you think your dad is going to keep his promise about putting a plaque next to Grandma's?" - Again, he damn well better.
"Do you think your dad is going to keep his promise about giving everyone the money they agreed to since he 'can't find the will'?" - Once more, he damn well better.
"How ugly do you think it's going to get if he doesn't?" - Pretty fucking ugly.
"How are you going to react to your dad if he doesn't?" - I'm not sure and I'm not looking forward to finding out.
"Do you think your dad's 'girlfriend' is going to say anything?" - If she does she is going to be lucky if all I do is verbally assault her.
You get the idea. And, as you may have noticed, it all revolves around my father. And it's not just one person asking me these things. It's my mom, it's my brother, and it's my mother's husband. Sometimes it's Master too but that's mainly when I start talking about it and we both start bouncing things off of one another.
I understand that my brother looks to me for these things because I'm his big sister and if he talks to mom about it he doesn't feel like he really got an answer because my mom is trying to walk that fine line of "he's still your dad" and "your dad is a complete bastard right now". I think it's a bit harder on her because it is her ex-husband and we are both of their children. So while my mom is constantly trying to do right by us my father is pretty much like, "Hey you wanna come hang out?"
And he's not even doing that anymore! I have to be the one to contact him. Yesterday Master and I went over there and it was just.... weird. My dad seemed kind of distant. He wasn't really all that talkative. After the first half hour of our being there that bitch that is now living with him actually fell asleep in her chair. That is just fucking rude. If you are tired and you have company over you excuse yourself and go lay down. You don't just crash out in your chair. Dumb whore.
And it was shortly after that where my dad pretty much became quiet. We had been joking a bit back and forth until then. Master and I stayed a while longer and tried engaging him in conversation the whole time but we'd get a few words out of him and that would be it. So we left.
And I know it's not anyone's fault that these questions are floating around. They are on everyone's mind. But today all the speculation was just getting under my skin. And so I remained calm and just nodded and smiled and gave the same answer I've been giving. There's not much else I can do.
Normally it doesn't bother me this much. But today they all seemed to wiggle under my skin and irritate me. Especially since it was first my brother and then my mom. Like I said, I'm not mad at anyone. It's just how it is today.