April 15, 2014

Scatter Brained

My mind feels like mush. It has been for the past few days. We had a 75° day not too long ago and then it was rain, then it was rain and rail, then it was snow. Now? Now it's just chilly and gray out. As a result my body aches and pains have been all over the place. My brain can't seem to get jump started and just... blah.

Some stresses have been relieved. We were waiting on a few things to be resolved and they finally have been. Unfortunately I am still doing job hunts. I haven't had a job offer yet although I have had a few interviews. And I have a data entry test on the 29th for a job that would be really hard but really rewarding and pay more than I was making before. I'm hoping that goes well.

Master is still waiting on an answer regarding that pet project of His. He is getting more and more anxious. I understand why. I know He wants to move forward with it ASAP but I also know that the response He is waiting on is from someone who has a lot on their plate and had said that he would look at it at some point this week. It's only Tuesday. Don't get me wrong I want to know too since we have both put a lot of effort into it. It's just not something we can push overly much because I don't want Him to be shot down simply by said person being annoyed by the "hounding" as it were. Master has only sent one "reminder" message and is now sitting on His fingers. Hopefully He'll hear something soon.

Today was stressful as fuck thanks to our bank not informing us of something that they damn well should have. I have it sorted out, mostly, but now I'm waited for them to resolve it on their end which can take 2 to 5 business days. *sigh*

No real updates on Grandpa. It's basically more of the same. I'm pretty much going on a "No news is good news" mindset right now. That doesn't stop me from jumping a little bit every time the phone rings. I don't immediately panic but I do jump a bit and wait to see what pops up on the Caller ID.

Ugh... even typing this short post is dragging for me. My brain is scattered as hell. The weather by Sybil shit is not helping at all. Just.. blah.

April 13, 2014

Hell Yes!

After I was done with Master's pet project the other day He submitted it and was waiting on feedback. The feedback was great but they wanted a couple of things changed and/or added. Okay, no problem. I was happy to help and happy to have something to do. The only issue was that the one thing that they had really wanted added, and so Master really wanted added, was being a pain in my tail. A huge pain in my tail. No matter what the fuck I tried I couldn't get it to work. Or, it would show up but wouldn't actually be functional. That pissed me off the most honestly. Yay it's there! Wait.. it isn't doing what it's supposed to do. Fuck! Back to the drawing board. I'm really, really glad that I was backing it up before trying something new. Other wise I would have been fucked and even more pissed. I tried to get it to work that same night but was unable to. I spent two hours working at it before Master told me to just take a break and try it again tomorrow (meaning yesterday). I wasn't exactly happy about stopping. It's not like I was mad at Him for kicking me off the computer, it's that the code wasn't doing what I wanted.

But okay. I'll stop. I think part of the reason why He kicked me off the computer is because how frustrated I was getting. Then yesterday He let me at it again. I'm not bad at some CSS but I absolutely suck at JavaScript. I really do. So I kept looking up tutorial after tutorial. Okay, that's not working. Nope, not that either. Mother fucker! I was honestly flipping off the computer monitor every time it failed. Or I guess I should say I failed but flipped off the computer monitor anyway. Master told me, before I started, that I had until 3:30pm (which was three hours away from when I put my fingers to they keyboard) and then He would need the computer. He wasn't saying that I had to have it done by then, He had meant that I could work at it that long and if it wasn't working by that point I would have to try again later on that night.

Finally, a little after 3pm, I made that coding my bitch! I got it working and I was so happy that I actually said "YES!" rather loudly and did a little dance in the computer chair. Master had been playing a video game and when He heard me yell yes He hopped up and said, "You got it working?!" I was actually a little smug about it. *laughs* "Hell yes I got it working!"

 He asked me to show Him but before I did I backed up that template. No way I was going through that again. I had actually made it look better than I had originally thought I could. He was so pleased. He was proud of me and I was proud of myself.

He had me get off the computer so He could resubmit it for review and gave me a huge hug and kiss and said, "I'll eat your pussy later on tonight."

Well, hell... I can't complain about that kind of reward! He hasn't heard anything back yet and is on pins and needles. While this isn't my "baby" I did put a lot into it and I'm excited for Him and am anxious to know what the response will be.

Later on that night I got a very long and relaxing back massage. Around 4am He ordered me to the bedroom where He ate me out and I exploded into a mind blowing orgasm. He scented me with my own pussy juices and allowed me to catch my breath for a moment. But I didn't just want to lay there to catch my breath. I got up, faced Him, laid in between His legs and took His cock into my mouth. I sucked it for a little while and then knelt up on the bed. He told me to turn around and as soon as I did He pushed His cock inside of me. I was highly sensitive and it didn't take long for me to get off again. He was kneeling on the bed and had me kneeling in front of Him so He could bounce me off His cock. Another orgasm later He had me put my ass in the air and my face to the mattress. Three more orgasms later He filled me with His cum.

Needless to say I went to sleep, curled up in His arms, with a huge smile on my face.

April 11, 2014

Pet Project

Master has been working on something for a little while. Well, He was working on an idea anyway. He wanted it all figured out before He asked for my help. I enjoy coding. I really do. It's a hobby. It's not something I would really want to do as a profession and even if I did I don't have the degree for it. I enjoy it as a hobby though. It's fun for me. Apparently He had it all worked out in His head yesterday and came to me with the idea and how He wanted it done. So He gave me a few specific things He wanted and pretty much allowed me to run with it. I was happy as hell. *laughs* I was doing something useful and I was doing something that I consider a hobby. I had thought that it would take longer. Hell, Master even thought it would take longer. But what He wanted was pretty simplistic. He wanted it to look professional yet simplistic at the same time.

Like I said, I was more than happy to help. I think part of the reason why I enjoyed it is because a few of the things I wanted to put in there were something I had never done before. So not only did I get to do coding but I also got to research a few things that I didn't know how to do before. Hell, I might use a couple of those tricks on my blog now that I know how to do them. In fact, I think I'll mess around with that tonight as long as Master doesn't need the computer and allows me to do it.

I was actually shocked when I turned around and told Master I was done. He took a look at it and He was very, very pleased. He did ask me to tweak a couple of mall things on it which were very easy to alter. Once I was all done I showed Him the things He would need to use in order to put in the entries He wanted.

He was like a kid in a candy store once He got the hang of it. And I was very proud of myself. I'm not saying it's 100% professional looking but it's exactly what He was looking for. I felt proud and I think He was proud of me.

Even though it didn't take long I felt like I had accomplished something. I would say that it took me about three hours total. The time was broken up because He would need to kick me off the computer for a little while. Unfortunately we only have the one computer. But I didn't mind. How could I? After all I was doing a favor for Him and it wasn't taking me as long as I had originally thought it would.

He may or may not need me to help Him with it again in the future. I, of course, would be more than happy to. I'm just glad that He was so pleased by it.

April 9, 2014

Coin Toss

Not a lot to report from the past two days. Yesterday we went out to lunch with Master's dad which was fun. Today it was actually warm enough for us to sit outside for a little while. Other than that... Well... that's about it actually. I haven't been feeling well these past two days. My stomach has been working quite a number on me. Yesterday it was like one minute I was fine and the next minute I felt like absolute hell. Thankfully I was able to get my body to chill out long enough to go out to lunch with Master and my father-in-law. From that point on I was mostly touch and go. I ended up not only taking a nap on the couch but going to bed early last night. My body just wasn't having it. Today I've felt mostly fine. Just a few little moments of not feeling well. And again I took a nap on the couch. I hate it. It's not like I'm not getting enough sleep. That is definitely not an issue. For whatever reason when I'm not feeling well my body wants to do nothing but sleep.

Now I'm feeling fine again. I think earlier today it was basically the tail end of my not feeling well yesterday. It always seems to trickle into the next day, doesn't it?

I think a lot of it has to do with stress. Yes, my stomach can mess with me pretty badly when I'm stressed. Hell, all of my body does. And honestly I think I have been handling all of this extremely well. But that doesn't stop my body from acting up every now and then.

The really stupid thing is that nothing has changed. It's not like the stress has gotten more intense. There hasn't been anything added to the weight sitting on my shoulders. That isn't to say that it is all on my shoulders. It's not. It's just the phrase I'm using right now because I can't think of a better one or a more accurate one.

I think it's just been on my mind more the past couple of days because I've been waiting on a phone call from the place I had a phone interview with last Monday. I had been told I would hear from them within the following five business days if they were interested. I didn't hear from them so yesterday I shot off an e-mail to the person I had talked to last Monday. No response. So I'm figuring that it's not going to go anywhere. I still have the test on the 29th for the 911 operator. If I pass that test there will be other ones but at least it's a start.

I'm tossing my resume out and waiting. It's driving me crazy. I've "only" been unemployed for a little over a month but I have this anxious feeling on and off. I haven't been unemployed since I was 20 years old. Well, that's not entirely true. I was unemployed for a year and a half because I was going to college. And even then I wasn't really unemployed for part of it because I was stripping for a while.

So being unemployed for this long is really fucking with me. Especially when I think about things that we both want to get rolling but they are impossible until I get a job. A lot of things just aren't financially feasible. Hell, when I was working things were tight and we'd have to do a lot of tweaking with our finances in order to do anything fun. Now? Yeah.. no chance in hell.

Master knows that I'm stressed and since none of it is new it would all just be a broken record. There is an update with my grandfather, which I did tell Master.

My grandpa has been talking to my grandmother, who passed away 20 years ago, for a few years now. But for the past few weeks it is getting a lot more frequent. And it's not just a couple of sentences like it was before. Now he is having full on conversations. He will sit in his recliner and look over to the couch that she use to sit in next to him and talking away, having a back and forth conversation. I only know this because of my dad and my uncle being out there so frequently. He'll get mad at them for interrupting her when she is talking. He'll tell them that she is in the kitchen so if they want anything go ahead and ask her.

That may sound outrageous. But no, I don't think he's losing his mind. I think he feels her there. I think she may in fact be there waiting so she can help him go peacefully when it's time. She is probably trying to comfort him. You can call me crazy. You can think I'm nuts. But that is my belief. When I told Master all of this He agreed with me. This makes us both think that it's not too long now.

I want to go out there. Maybe I can do it under the guise of helping out my dad or my uncle clean up the house or something. I don't want it to come across as my wanting to see him one last time. After all he doesn't want people out there anyway, so if I go out there to help with something I think it'll go more smoothly. On the other hand I'm scared to go. I remember how much I broke down when he had his first heart attack. It was before I met Master and obviously it was before I was medicated and I was much younger back then. I know I can keep it under wraps while I'm there. But I'm afraid of how much of a mess I'll be after I leave. Or maybe I won't be. Maybe I'll feel more at peace. It's a coin toss. But it's not really about me. It's about my grandfather. Which is also why I keep going back and forth as to whether or not I should go. He doesn't want anyone out there but I want to see him.

I'll have to call my dad and see what he thinks. The worst that could happen is I go out there to visit and Grandpa tells me to leave. That may sound harsh, but like I said he doesn't want anyone out there unless it's necessary. He has kicked my dad and my uncle out before as soon as they are done doing whatever they are out there to do. I also don't want to go out there by myself. I mean Master would go too, but I think that if my dad was there too it would help. That way I can say I'm there to help dad do whatever around the house.

We'll see. I'll probably call my dad tomorrow.

April 7, 2014

Slow and Gentle

I had told Master a couple of days ago that I wanted to try anal sex soon. Well, last night I asked if He wanted to go fool around and if so, if He would like to try anal. That is just a stupid question honestly. But I ask it anyway. So He said He would meet me in the bedroom. I had left the light on. Normally we turn off the light while we are fucking. No real reason why. We just do. But when anal is involved He has to be able to see what is going on.

I was laying on the bed, on my stomach when He walked in. For whatever reason I had left the regular bedroom light on rather than turning that off and turning on the lamp. He looked at me like I was crazy. The regular bedroom light is very harsh as it is literally directly above the bed. We hate it. I have no idea why I had left that on. So He switched that off and turned the lamp on when has a much softer light. (The really odd thing is that the light bulbs are the same wattage.)


I was about to move so that I was no longer on my stomach but He moved so that I couldn't. He hovered over me and ever so gently kissed my shoulder and then kissed just under my neck. He gently brushed my hair out of the way so He could bite down on my neck. It was a gentle love bite. Don't get me wrong, there was pressure and power behind it. It just wasn't as rough and intense as His usual bites. He continued to give me soft kisses and love bites along my spine and ribs. It felt amazing. With each love bite it was like a little shock of electricity went through me. I wonder if it has something to do with where He was biting. I do know that there isn't a lot to bite on my back and ribs.

He then opened my legs while I was still on my stomach and licked softly, sometimes gripping my ass and sometimes just resting His hands on my lower back.

It was very relaxing. He slid up and pushed His cock into my pussy. It was slow, long, deep strokes. He rested on top of me with His head next to mine and His arms around me. I didn't feel pinned down or forced to stay in place. Obviously if I had tried to move I wouldn't be able to. But to me it felt more like a very protective and loving embrace. He allowed me to cum twice. During the second one I had snaked my arm out a little bit and went to hold His hand. He interlocked my fingers with His and I squeezed. He lowered His head and kissed the side of my face after my orgasm had ended.

I then asked if we could try anal. He allowed me one more orgasm before He pulled out. I got onto all fours and He lubed both of us up. He was more generous with the lube this time as last time He had to stop twice in order to apply more. I grabbed my vibrator and gently placed it against my clit. He very slowly started to push forward with His cock. I winced a couple of times but it wasn't so much out of pain as it was just a very intense shock through my system. Each time it happened He stopped and stayed still until I fully relaxed again. Once He was fully inside of me He put some more lube on His hands and added a little more for a smoother stroke. Apparently I was tighter than usual. How that happens I don't know. I mean the ass is naturally tight, but some how, some way I was tighter back there than I was last time.

It was all slow and gentle strokes. He moaned repeatedly and I got off twice. I was getting so sensitive that I had to actually stop using the vibrator a few times because my system was going into overload. After a while I think it was highly apparent how overloaded my system was getting.

"Should I cum up your ass, kitten?"

I couldn't even form a full sentence. I just continued to repeat the word please. Normally, when He is about to cum He gets rougher but not this time. I think He was enjoying the slower and gentler fucking this time as much as I was. He shot His cum into my ass which tipped me into another orgasm. It is a very different sensation than Him cumming into my pussy. His cock is very thick and I can feel every twitch and pulse of it as He is cumming no matter which hole it is in.

He slowly pulled out afterward and we both cleaned up. Afterward we went into the living room and talked. We actually had a lengthy conversation about anal. He absolutely loves it and I am beginning to love it as well. It's just that my body isn't always up to it and as a result it doesn't happen as frequently as either of us would like. I would love to get to a point where there isn't a need for so much.. I don't know.. prep work? I don't know how to explain it.

We'll get there. I know we will. There was a time earlier in our relationship where we had reached that point. But there was a rather painful anal experience, through no one's fault, and since then I have been reluctant and nervous about it. I'm really trying to get better at it. But as Master says, there is no need to force it and if it is forced we'll most likely end up taking a step back rather than a step forward.

Although last night I wouldn't really say we fucked. I would say it was more like making love. That is a very rare thing. We both absolutely love and crave very rough and primal sex. As a result that is our norm. But last night everything was slow, gentle, and sensual. It was incredible.

In fact Master announced that last night while He was cleaning up. "I just would like to go on record saying that was incredible!" That made me giggle and I could do nothing but agree.

April 4, 2014

Dessert? Yes Please!

While we were getting ready on Tuesday morning I was kneeling on the floor in the bedroom picking out clothes for the day. He had just gotten out of the shower and always comes into the bedroom shortly after. He was standing near me and I looked over at His cock and I just couldn't help myself. I crawled over and without saying a word I took His cock into my mouth. He quietly moaned and then I heard the smile in His voice when He said, "I promise You can suck my cock later." I moved back, looked up at Him while smiling, and then we both continued with what we were doing. That kind of thing happens. Just a quick little moment and then on to normal stuff. Usually with a promise afterward, such as that.

The day went by and I was fucking tired as hell after we got home. I had only gotten about two hours of sleep and even then it was broken. Master allowed me to take a nap on the couch later on in the afternoon. It was really, really sweet of Him to let me take a nap. Sometimes I'll just crash out without meaning to, but that day He had actually suggested it.

After I woke up it was only a couple of hours before dinner. He asked me what I wanted to have for dinner and rather than answering the question what came out of my mouth was, "You promised I could blow You later."

"I asked what you wanted for dinner. I promise you will be allowed to suck my dick and that you will get a shot down your throat, but not right now."

We watched something on Netflix while we ate. We had finished eating before it was over, but as soon as it was He said, "Okay, now it's time for dessert." I knew exactly what He meant and I simply asked if we would be going to the bedroom or if He would sit in His chair. He told me to go to the bedroom. He sat on the bed, with His back against the wall and a pillow behind Him so He was comfortable. I laid between His legs and gave Him the best blowjob that I could. (My jaw was fucking with me a little bit but I didn't care! I wanted a shot down my throat and I wanted to make sure He was very pleased.)

After I got my reward He held my head down so that His cock was still in my mouth. I remained perfectly still until He allowed me to move. I then rested my head on His thigh and He petted my hair for a little while.

Later on that night He went down on me and fucked my brains out. Don't get me wrong, that was fucking incredible and we were both very tired after the fact but the thing that stands out to me as I'm writing this post is the blowjob. I think part of the reason why is because the night before, the night I only got two hours of sleep, I couldn't sleep at all. I just couldn't get my brain to shut down. Master had gone to bed but allowed me to stay up. I got bored. I went through all the usual stuff online, like checking e-mail and social network sites, etc. I didn't want to turn on the TV because I didn't want to risk waking Him up. I was sitting there trying to figure out what to do as I didn't really want to read a book.

For some reason I decided to just take a look through the folder of pictures we have. It's pictures of me that Master has taken over the years. They are mainly pictures of me in lingerie and in certain positions. There are also pictures of Him fucking me and me blowing Him. I like to look at them sometimes. Mainly the ones of Him fucking me and me blowing Him. I know He does from time to time as well. But I also stumbled upon a folder that I had honestly not looked at in a very, very long time. It is a folder of three videos He has taken of us with His camera that doubles as a camcorder. Two of them are very short. A few minutes I think? But there is one that is longer. It is back when we first found out that His camera doubled as a camcorder and that we could actually hook it up to the TV while it records and we can watch what it is recording. You can tell it's older simply by the fact that my hair is short (which was a short lived phase) and His is in that almost buzz cut hairdo He had for a while. I left the sound off and clicked on it to play on the computer.

It begins with Him using rope to tie my hands behind my back and a separate rope to bind my ankles together. He then has me kneel on the floor in the living room as He gets undressed. His dick is already hard as He slips out of His boxer-briefs. He scoops up my hair and I arch my back, leaning my upper body towards Him. It's not the typical blowjob. He remains standing and rather than moving my head He has me stay stock still, and I mean I better not move kind of stock still. Instead He starts fucking my mouth as He would fuck my pussy. As I'm sitting there watching it I can't help my eyes from focusing on His face. I think it's because I don't get to see His facial expressions while I'm blowing Him very often. Hardly ever in fact. That's because of how my head is positioned. I can't look up too easily.

There I am, sitting there watching the video as He is fucking my mouth. He is alternating between what I would call a "normal" pace and then forcing me to deep throat ever so slowly. And all the while my eyes keep going to the upper right hand side of the screen so I can see His face. He is looking at the TV, watching Himself fuck my mouth. Then He is facing straight forward with His eyes closed, simply focusing on the sensation. From time to time He looks down at the top of my head. But He always returns to watching the TV so He can see Himself fucking my mouth. The rest of the video is Him sitting on the couch so I can continue to blow Him "normally" before He has me stand up, turn around, and sit on His cock so He can fuck me.

I was highly, and I do mean highly, turned on. I'm not allowed to masturbate unless He is watching and I knew Master was very tired, so I didn't want to go wake Him up. So I simply went to sleep with my pussy throbbing. That is what kicked up my oral fixation I think. The rest of that video is hot too, but the part that kept looping in my mind was watching His face as He's fucking my mouth. The way His eyes would close and His mouth would open as He slightly tilted His head back. The way He would bite His lip every now and then. The way His eyes looked as He watched the TV screen. Yep. Hello oral fixation! That is part of the reason why I was so adamant about blowing Him.

As soon as I got that shot in my mouth on Tuesday I was a very, very happy slave. Very happy indeed.

April 2, 2014

Here's Hoping

I have to get up in about five hours. Unfortunately, it's not because I found a new job. It's for an unemployment meeting type thing. Basically, if you are on unemployment you have to go to a meeting to give you tips about how to apply for jobs, how your resume should look, etc. and so on. It's mandatory. And if you don't go, you no longer get benefits. So mine is tomorrow at 9am. As a result I need to get up at 7am. The only problem is that because I've turned into a huge night owl since being unemployed I am not tired at all. Not even a tiny bit. I am wide the fuck awake. Master is going to be driving me there and back, so I don't have to worry about that part. And I know for a fact I'll be awake enough for the meeting regardless of what time I fall asleep tonight. I've done a lot more on a lot less sleep. And I can always take a small nap at some point in the afternoon. I'm actually glad that the meeting is in the morning. I can go and get it done with and not worry about it being in the middle of the day. When Master went to bed tonight I made sure to set the alarm for 7am. I actually grabbed my pillow too. Not because I don't want to sleep next to Him, but because I don't know when I'll actually crash out.

I would hate to climb into bed thinking I'm ready to fall asleep only to get up in a half hour because I can't. And I wouldn't want to toss and turn because I'm frustrated that I can't fall asleep. That will only wake Him up and make it more difficult to fall back asleep. So I figure if I'm not sure if I will crash yet I can just lay on the couch and if I drift off great. If not, then I don't have to worry about tossing and turning and waking Him up.

There are a couple of good things going on in regards to the job hunt. I had a phone interview on Monday. It was basically a phone interview to see whether or not they wanted me to come in for a face to face interview. It took a little over 20 minutes and I felt pretty confident about it. What surprised me is that she told me the hours, the pay rate, and the benefits package without my having to ask. That, to me, is a positive sign. Most places won't do that unless they are seriously considering you for the job. I'm not going to jinx myself and say it's in the bag. Especially since it was a phone interview. At the end of it the lady told me that she is at the corporate office, which is in Minnesota. She does all of the phone interviews. At that point she then sends a summary of our conversation to the place that would actually be hiring the person, which is only 15 minutes from home. That hiring manager then reviews my resume and the summary of the phone interview. If he or she decides that they want me to have a face to face interview they call me up and we continue with the interview process. She told me that I would know within the next 5 business days. So I figure that if I don't hear anything by next Tuesday I'll shoot an e-mail off to the lady I spoke with on the phone politely requesting a status update.

I also received an e-mail from a different job that I had applied to. It's a very serious job with a pretty lengthy interview process. It is for a 911 telecommuter position. The job is actually located in my home town. For now it would be about the same drive as I was doing for my last job, but since Master and I are looking to move to His home town it would make a lot of sense as it would then only be about 15 to 20 minutes away from there. Since it is such a serious position they have a lot of tests they want to put you through before they will even consider hiring you. Anyway, the e-mail advised me that they had reviewed my resume and would like me to begin the process. I had to schedule a data entry exam with them. So I did. If I don't already have a job by that point the exam will take place on the 29th of this month. I'm actually pretty damn good at data entry. I know it doesn't always seem like it with errors in my blog post, but I'm not doing my posts as a profession. When it's for a job I go into this ultra typing zone. It's weird.

I honestly would rather get the job that I had the phone interview for but I have to take any lead I possibly can since nothing is a guarantee until an actual offer is made.

Hopefully the unemployment hearing at 9am will go by quickly and maybe it'll even be helpful.

March 31, 2014


I didn't really speak to Master last night like I said I would in my last post. I mean.. I did ask. It just didn't turn into a full conversation. We had a good day. We didn't go to bed until almost 4am. We didn't fuck, even though we both wanted to, because Master's back was really bothering Him and my period had literally just started so I was cramping pretty bad. I always do the first two fucking days. It's not like we don't fuck when I'm on the rag. We do. In fact we both enjoy it a lot. It's just the first day or two that suck.

Anyway, when we were climbing into bed to go to sleep I simply asked Him, "Was last night better Master?" I couldn't see His face as my eyes hadn't adjusted to the dark yet but it seemed like there was a smile in His voice. "Yes babe. A lot better."

See? No conversation needed. A simple question and a simple answer. He then pulled me close and put His arm around me. I fell asleep with a smile on my face.

I found a meme online today that made me laugh. Here it is:

Obviously the picture is wrong.. I would not and I repeat not be the one holding the cane or whip or whatever the hell that's supposed to be. However, I can get loud in bed. There have been plenty of times where Master will just put His hand over my mouth or tell me "Sshh.. babe." It's not like He gets mad about it. He enjoys it. But the walls in our apartment are thin as hell. As a result we have to keep certain things in mind. Nothing that makes a lot of noise, such as Him using His belt like He use to. Another good example is me getting too loud while we're fucking.

When I first moved in with Him He would use the belt on me when He thought it was necessary or just because He wanted to. But we had different neighbors back then and at least one of the apartments that shared a wall with us was empty. But that was oh hell... nine years ago? Yeah. That sounds about right. Since then we have had very, very nosy neighbors come and go. It got to the point where we are actually afraid of someone calling the cops if we get too loud with such things.

Why? Well, one time we had fucked rather rough and we had both gotten somewhat loud. There was some spanking going on and all that. Nothing too rough. A little while later there was a loud knock on our door. What the hell? So I tossed on a robe, as we were both still naked, and Master went and sat in the bedroom. No reason for Him to get dressed. We weren't expecting anyone. So I open the door and I had a smile on my face because Master and I had been joking around as I walked down the hallway. Anyway, I open the door and there is a damn cop standing there. I look at him kind of puzzled. I was still at least half smiling. He looked at me and said, "I guess there isn't a domestic disturbance going on here is there?"

"No officer there isn't."

"Sorry to bother you ma'am. We had received a call from someone saying there was."

Honestly, we weren't making a ton of noise and the spanking wasn't all that loud either. Definitely not as loud as we could have been. So yeah.. It sucks. One day we'll live somewhere that either has thicker walls or we live in a house.

March 30, 2014

Taking Initiative

Part of the conversation Master and I had the other night is that I am not really taking initiative in the bedroom. I have been lazy and laying down on the bed, waiting for Him to get to the bedroom (I normally get there first) and then waiting to see what He wants to do. Now, it's not like He isn't still in total control. He was just getting frustrated that I was leaving absolutely everything up to Him including for Him to initiate sex.

The only thing that I would really do is ask if He wanted to go fool around or tell Him I wanted to fuck. After that I always waited until He made the first move basically. Lazy of me. And I'm honestly ashamed to admit it. He was just frustrated with it. I have fallen into that lull before. I thought, at the time, it was what is I'm supposed to do. That whole "He's in charge so I'll just wait for Him to take charge and then I'll respond from there." Like I said, it's lazy. After our conversation I took it all to heart and promised that I would become better.

Last night I asked Him if He wanted to watch porn. He said yes, so I popped one into the DVD player. After a while we turned it off and I asked if He wanted to go play with me. He chuckled and told me to meet Him in the bedroom. I had dressed up for Him. It was a simple body stocking, but I hadn't worn it in a while.

Once I got to bed I waited for Him to join me. Rather than simply laying down I knelt on the bed itself. When He climbed into bed with me He laid down on His side. I moved forward, while still on my knees. I started stroking His cock and offered my neck for Him to nibble on.

I asked Him what He wanted to do with me. He told me that He wanted to 69 as we haven't done that in a long time. You would think that with our height difference it wouldn't be possible, but it is. I just always have to be the one on top. It didn't last long as my hands continuously slid forward on the bed sheets and as a result I was having a difficult time staying in a place where it was comfortable for me to suck His cock.

I then flipped around so we were facing one another and rested on top of Him, feeling His cock throb against my hip. I kissed Him and we kissed for quite a while. We honestly don't do that a lot during sex or foreplay. We kiss one another all the time. But for some reason we don't kiss very frequently during sex/foreplay.

I teasingly would flick my tongue quickly into His mouth only to move back before kissing Him again. I was being playful. I think He enjoyed it since He allowed it to go on and His cock remained hard against me. I asked Him how He wanted me.

"How do You want me Master?"

He said that He either wanted me on top or for me to get on all fours and that either was fine by Him. I then sat down next to His hips and started sucking His cock from that angle. My legs were open and He snaked His fingers between my pussy lips and gently fingered me. I then slid down further. He chuckled and asked me what I was up to now. "Nothing Master."

I knelt in between His legs and continued to please His with my tongue and mouth before climbing on top of Him. I reached between my legs and ran the head of His cock along the length of my slit before finally putting Him inside of me. I laid on top of Him, gently moving my hips, while resting my head on His chest and kissing His chest on and off.

When I sat up fully He moaned which turned me on more than I already was, and trust me I was already wet as hell. I alternated between rocking my hips, rotating my hips, and then bucking my hips hard and fast. He grabbed my hips and after I got off the first time I was hot. I pulled down the top of my body stocking so that my tits were free. It helped cool me off a bit and as soon as I did He grabbed my tits with His hands, which only made me buck harder again. And once again I got off. That didn't stop Him from torturing my tits and nipples with His hands in a most delicious way. I ran my hands up and down His arms as He did so and sometimes put my hands over His. I was simply lost in every single sensation. I wanted to touch Him as much as possible, which He seemed to greatly enjoy.

But after a while I wanted something else. He has always encouraged me to let Him know if I want something else. If He wants it to, He'll allow it and if He doesn't He'll just keep doing what He wants. Simple enough.

Rather than using my words I used my hands. I ever so gently took His hands away from my chest. I guided His left hand down to my hips. He allowed it and gripped my hip firmly. Then I gently guided His right hand to my throat. As soon as He realized that is where I wanted His hand to be He grabbed it and it was like His hand locked. Apparently that turned Him on as much as it did me. I didn't have a lot of places to put my hands so I simply placed my left hand on top of His, where it was holding my hip and my right hand against His chest to help balance myself.

The tighter His grip on my neck got the faster I bucked my hips. I felt His orgasm start which kicked me into another one. His hand didn't leave my throat until after we were both done. I began to move but His left hand locked on my hip, forcing me to stay in place. He wanted to enjoy that sensation a bit longer.When He allowed me to move I immediately cleaned off His cock with my mouth.

I know that He was very pleased afterward. He held me for a little while, allowing both of our heartbeats to get back to a normal pace.

I sincerely hope that what I did last night is what He meant by wanting me to take more initiative. It's not like I put a lot of thought into it. I just ran with what my instincts and waited for His reaction as far as whether or not that is what He wanted. I greatly enjoyed everything. If that is not what He meant, I hope that He tells me. I plan to talk to Him about it later on tonight. I didn't want to ask Him right away. I didn't want to ruin the moment by immediately delving into a serious discussion.

March 29, 2014

Standby Mode

Okay, so I've kinda sorta mentioned some family stuff in my last two posts. I actually wasn't planning on posting about it at all. Why? Well... I don't know why. Just because. However, with recent developments today I'm somewhat pissed off and just plain old fucking worried. Master is being my rock and we are both pretty much just in standby mode. Why? Because there is nothing else to do but sit by the phone, waiting for updates.

Alright.. so here we go...

If you've read here for a while now you already know that my grandfather has a lot of health problems. He's diabetic, he has a fuck ton of heart problems that have been going on for the past 15 years, gradually getting worse and worse. You also know that he just doesn't want to be here anymore. He wants to just give up the ghost and be with my grandmother who has been gone 20 years. His body just isn't allowing him to do so. Even with all of his health problems it's keeping him going each day.

I haven't seen him since this past Christmas. That probably sounds absolutely horrible of me. But he doesn't want visitors. He just plain doesn't. The only time he wants someone around is when he absolutely has to. By that I mean when he needs to have the house cleaned, have his finances done, be taken to the grocery store and taken to doctor appointments. And so I respect his wishes and stay away. In fact all the family respects those wishes, including his two sons, my dad and my uncle.

Anyway, yesterday I got a very scary call from my mother. She has been part of my grandfather's life since she was 16 years old. She was with my father for 25 years. And even when they got divorced my grandfather considered her a daughter and they have remained in contact with one another.

My mother had received a frantic call from my uncle, who also stays in contact with her. My grandfather had a doctor appointment on Wednesday and while there his heart rate was extremely high again. They had to knock him out, shock his heart, and wake him back up. He has a DNR in place but that is only in the case of if he is actually deceased.

But the frantic call had nothing to do with that. Grandpa was supposed to have another doctor appointment yesterday and my dad and uncle were going to take him there. My uncle had attempted to call him to remind him that they would be coming out soon. He got no answer and figured that he was sleeping as he has been sleeping a lot lately. But then they got a call from Grandpa's next door neighbor saying that he hadn't seen Grandpa go outside to get his newspaper or take his dog out. The neighbor had also attempting to call him but didn't get an answer. So he called my uncle, worried. My uncle told the neighbor that they would head out immediately. My dad and uncle rushed out there and when they got inside (my dad has his own set of keys to the house) they didn't get any kind of welcome. In fact he wasn't in the living room.

They found him on the bathroom floor, with his head just past the doorway of the bathroom. His dog was hovering and whimpering over him. My dad called 911 immediately. Grandpa was unconscious. Dad and my uncle were able to get him to wake up before the ambulance got there but he wasn't making a lot of sense. They didn't try to move him. When the ambulance got there and tried to get him up onto the gurney Grandpa screamed in pain. He said his back is where the pain was coming from. As they were getting him onto the gurney as gently, yet quickly, as possible they asked him how long he thought he had been on the floor.

He told them he remembers starting to walk out of the bathroom and looking up at the clock. The clock had said 9am. My dad and uncle hadn't gotten out there until 2pm. He had been on the floor like that until they had arrived and was slipping in and out of consciousness but couldn't move because of the pain.

He has a phone in his bathroom but it wasn't where he could reach it once he was on the floor. And when people were calling he couldn't get up to answer it. My uncle followed the ambulance to the hospital while my dad frantically searched the house for the paperwork he needed, such as the power of attorney and the list of all of his medications. The ambulance couldn't take him to the hospital he normally goes to because by law they have to go to the one closest to the house.

When my dad and uncle got to the hospital, that is when my mom got the phone call and then she in turn called me to let me know what was going on. I asked her if she thought I should rush down there. She said no because she felt as if any of the rest of the family other than my dad and uncle went down it would only further add to the chaos, which I understood and agreed with.

All I could do was wait for the next phone call with an update. I had remained calm during the phone call but broke down as soon as I started to explain to Master what was going on. I was sitting in the computer chair and He came over and rested on His haunches while He held my hand and let me take my time finishing what I was trying to tell Him.

And so we waited. And waited. And waited.

I eventually sent my dad a text message asking him to call me or to let me know when I can call. I know he had to turn off his cell phone while he was there so I figured a text message would make more sense than leaving a voice mail.

About an hour later my dad sent me a text saying it was okay to call. So I did. Dad was at home as my grandfather had been admitted to the hospital. The update I got was that when Grandpa had been admitted his blood sugar was extremely low, he was severely dehydrated and his heart beat had raced back up to where it had been on Wednesday. He wasn't dehydrated on Wednesday and his blood sugar levels were normal. So in the matter of two days all of this had happened.

My dad is not a man who shows his emotions. He holds them and bottles them up. While I was talking to him his voice was shaking pretty badly. It sounded as if he had just stopped crying or was trying not to cry. I didn't mention it. It would have only made things worse for him.

He told me that they had done a cat scan and taken x-rays but that they wouldn't get the results until tomorrow. I found that a little odd, but I have a feeling that mainly is due to the fact that my grandfather's doctors wanted to hold a meeting over it. My dad told me he would keep me updated once he got a major update.

I got off the phone with him and later on last night, about 10pm or so, I got a text saying that my grandfather had been released from the hospital and was at home with my uncle. What the fuck!? I didn't delve any deeper than that last night. Everyone's nerves were fried.

This morning I got up and called my mom. My mom is like a central hub. One person gives her the updates and then she updates everyone else. She told me that Grandpa had been released from the hospital last night because they had said he was terminal and as a result, for insurance purposes, all they could do was stabilize him and send him home. They hadn't even received results on all of his tests yet! But hey.. he's stable for that moment so lets ship him off to his house. Our health care system is fucked up. The doctors said that he is not to be left alone. My uncle had stayed the night and then he had to go to work or he would have been fired. Grandpa's neighbor kept watch after that.

I tried to call my dad to see if he needed me to go down and basically "take a shift". He didn't answer so I left a voice mail. That was probably around noon. It's almost 3pm now. So I figured one of two things...
  1. My dad was on his way out there as he doesn't answer his phone when he's driving.
  2. He was already out there and busy taking of Grandpa and so didn't answer his phone.
I haven't received any updates since I got off the phone with my mother a little before noon. Either no news is good news or shit has gone severely south again and it's just that no one has had time to update anyone.

It's one of those things where on one hand I want people to keep him in their thoughts so that he will get better as I don't want my grandfather to die. But, on the other hand, I know he doesn't want to be here anymore. And as fucked up as it sounds I think he would be happier if he weren't. So I'm a loving granddaughter who doesn't want to see her grandfather go but also doesn't want him to suffer any longer than absolutely necessary.

Like I said, we're on standby. We're just keeping the phones close and waiting. I don't want to blow up my dad's phone because my dad is one of those people where if/when he has news he will call me. If I'm constantly calling him it'll only add stress and will piss him off. My mom will call me if she hears anything.

This is another reason why I hate living here. We're 40 to 45 minutes away from where Grandpa lives. Master and I both want to move to His hometown and then it would just be a hop, skip, and a jump. It would be 15 to 20 minutes tops.