August 31, 2014

Gentle Giant *Small Update*

Friday started off so well. It really did. We had plans to meet up with my father, finally. But since we were already going to be in town and we weren't going to see my dad until the mid to late afternoon we decided to stop at my mom's house first and visit for a while. We brought our dog with us. He had a great time running around and playing. Master and I had a good time as well.

When it came time to go to my dad's house we headed out and when we showed up we kept our dog on his leash for a while so that he would calm down. My dad has a cat and they had never met before. Honestly, we were worried about our dog hurting the cat. Not because our dog is aggressive, but because he's a hound and well... sometimes ya worry about the dog looking at a cat or other small animal as prey and going after it.

After a while the cat was up on the kitchen counter relaxing and stared at our dog. No big deal. Our dog pretty much completely ignored the cat. But since everyone was calm we asked Dad if it would be okay to let our dog off the leash. He said fine.

So our mutt starts walking around my dad's place smelling absolutely everything because, like I said, he is a hound mix.

I stood in the kitchen just to make sure that our mutt didn't try jumping up on it. He's very tall. Since that is where the cat was I didn't want the mutt popping up onto the counter.

Well, apparently it wasn't the dog we had to worry about. My dad's cat is not declawed. We knew this and we also knew that his cat had lived with dogs before. Granted they were smaller dogs but we had seen the cat running around and playing with the dogs that were living there until my dad's girlfriend at the time moved out.

Our mutt started sniffing along the bottom of the counter, right under the lip of it that protrudes from the cabinets. The cat was pretty far back on the counter so I didn't think anything of it. Then as quick as fucking lightning the cat moved forward and swatted at the dog. He was like a fucking cobra. That's how fast it happened. Our mutt barked and then tucked his tail and ran into the other room. I was honestly very surprised by this and so was everyone else. Normally when an animal attacks another animal they react in kind. But not our mutt. Nope. He ran.

I honestly thought at first that the cat had clawed our mutt's muzzle like a warning shot. Like I said the hit was so fast that it didn't even really register until after the fact. After a few minutes though we all noticed that our dog wasn't opening his eye. Guess where the cat got him? Yep. The fucking eye. This fact only surprises me more in so far as our dog not trying to hurt the cat afterward.

But nope. We all gave him pets and cuddles telling him it would be okay. We left shortly there after. I called our vet about it. He was still keeping his eye closed most of the time but was trying to open it now and again. I've scratched my own eye and I know how much it hurts and burns so I figured that was why he was keeping it closed. Our vet clinic was already closed but I got a hold of the on call vet and he said to take our dog in as soon as the clinic opened in the morning. He said to just occasionally put a damp washcloth over his eye very, very gently every now and then. 

The vet clinic opened yesterday at 9am. Because I thought traffic was going to be worse we actually ended up getting there at 8:30am. So we just sat in the car. I kept the windows open and all that to make sure we were cool.

About two minutes before they opened we were waiting at the door and as soon as it was unlocked we walked in. Apparently the on call vet from the night before had called and let the vet on duty yesterday morning know that we were coming in and why.

They had to put drops in his eye to stain it so they could see it better. The cat had scratched the lens of his eye. There is an opaque spot right where the scratch is. She told me that she was prescribing him with an anti-inflammatory/pain killer that he can take orally, half of a pill twice a day. She also prescribed an antibiotic ointment that we have to put directly on his eye three times a day.

She checked and he still has partial vision in that eye even with the swelling that was occurring. She did tell me that she wants us back there in a week. I immediately made the follow-up appointment for this upcoming Friday. That's technically a day before a full week since the appointment has passed but she said that would be fine. She told me to continue to use the pill and the ointment everyday until the appointment.

She did tell me that there is a possibility that he either may only have partial vision in that eye after it heals or no vision at all after it heals. She also stated that if his eye ruptures he would have to have the eye removed. That is the absolute worst case scenario although she assured me that if that should have to happen, gods forbid, that the quality of his life would not go down at all.

However, she did say since that since he still has partial vision in that eye currently it is a good sign.

Our mutt has been eating and drinking and using the bathroom normally. He is sleeping a lot but the vet said that the pill and ointment may make him tired. Needless to say we are letting him sleep as much as he wants. Sleep promotes healing after all. I just pray that there are no complications and that he gets a clean bill of health next Friday.

Both Master and I are very upset. The more we thought about it the more upset we got. Of course we are upset about our pup and hoping that everything turns out okay but we are also upset about it happening at all.

We understand that the dog was just being a dog and the cat was just being a cat however... it's really, really hard to not be pissed off about it. I mean he is our kid. Plain and simple. And our kid is hurt and we can only do what the vet prescribes and hope for the best. That is a horrible feeling. And it's not even like it was an accident. I mean I know none of us thought that this would happen, obviously. Because if any of us did we never would have brought our dog down there with us to visit. This is a fact where basically someone's kid injured ours. And while that saying of kids will be kids, just like dogs and cats will be dogs and cats, it doesn't stop you from being pissed off about it.

One of the things that pisses us off is the fact that if this had been the other way around and our dog hurt the cat, our dog would most likely have been put down.

But not our gentle giant. Not our hound dog. Nope. Rather than retaliate, when he had absolutely every reason and right to, he ran and found his dad, Master, to seek comfort. And even though it hurt he has been the same sweet and loving dog he always is. When the vet was checking him he obviously didn't like it and kept trying to move away, but he didn't growl or even raise his lip at any point and he doesn't know her.  I mean this is the same vet clinic we go to all the time but he has only ever had to go in for his yearly checkup. The only other time he had to was shortly after we got him because we discovered he had a wheat allergy and a tape worm. So we had to go to an appointment for that as well as a follow-up. But that was four years ago.

The vet did send us home with a "cone of shame", which is actually called an Elizabeth collar. She said that he doesn't have to wear it as long as someone is able to keep a close eye on him because he cannot be allowed to paw at his eye at all as he could easily damage it further without meaning too. This means he has to wear it at night because we'll both be sleeping. Neither of us are crazy about that idea as he has never worn one before, at least not while he has been with us.

So, I took a nap earlier this evening. Now Master is in bed sleeping and I am staying up late so our pup doesn't have to wear it any longer than he has to. I'll put it on him right before I go to bed and I'll be sleeping out here, in the living room, with the dog just to make sure I can hear him if he tries to take it off or anything along those lines. I don't want to make him have to wear it but I am also not going to go against the vet's advice. I want to give him the absolute best chance possible of having his vision go back to normal. We've already had to stop him from doing it while we're in the same room so I can't imagine how much he'll try to do it when we're sleeping. And sure as hell I just had to stop doing my post to tell him to leave his eye alone. He literally woke up just to try and paw at it. Yep. No way we can sleep without him wearing it. I don't want him to injure himself further. I mean, he obviously wouldn't be trying to but that's because he doesn't know better.

Master and I are both very emotional and will be quite some time. The emotions range from worry to being utterly pissed off.

I will say that we are spoiling the hell out of our mutt. The vet said that was just fine, especially since he should get his rest and have food in his stomach through out the day so he doesn't have an empty stomach with the meds in his system. We can't allow the pup to eat his actual food whenever he wants, he has a very specific feeding schedule, but instead we give him treats.

I will also say that putting that ointment on his eye is a huge pain in the ass. I don't get mad at him for it or anything. I just try and make sure that I get enough on there without over doing it. The vet told me how much to put on but she also told me that because no dog wants their eye to be messed with, it would be difficult and to just do the best we could. Trust me, we are.

I just want to say this one more time... That cat is damn lucky that our dog didn't retaliate. 


It's honestly not much of an update. Last night I stayed up until about 5:30am to keep an eye on the mutt. Right before I wanted to go to sleep I put the "cone of shame" on him. However, it is the kind where you have to slide it over his head so I didn't really feel that comfortable once I saw how close it got to his eye when I was putting it on him. And of course as usual when you put one of those on a pet they bang into shit. I took it off as he couldn't lay down comfortably with it. As a result I set four alarms on my cell phone. I set each a hour apart. I slept on Master's recliner so that the dog could have full use of the couch if he wanted to sleep there. Each time my alarm went off I checked on the mutt to make sure he wasn't pawing at it. I caught him doing it once. I immediately got him to stop. I stayed up for about 20 minutes after that to make sure he wouldn't try to do it again but he just fell right back to sleep.

After the last alarm I just stayed up. I gave him his pain pill/anti-inflammatory. After that I somehow managed to put the ointment in his eye by myself. Admittedly it is a lot easier when Master is helping but it needed to be done.

After Master got up I gave Him the update on how the night went and that I already already given him the meds. I then I ran to the pet store. I had bought him a fleece bed for his crate but it was too small. So I exchanged that for the correct size. I also bought a nylon "cone of shame". I don't have to slide it over his head so I don't have to worry about it coming too close to his eye when I put it on and it'll do the same job the plastic one would do. Also it'll conform so that when he lays down he will be more comfortable. And since it is nylon and not hard plastic he shouldn't bang into things and have a hard time backing up or anything.  

August 28, 2014

Grrrrr **Updated**

It is highly annoying when I am waiting for a response back to a phone call or text. I sent my father a text about something important that needs to happen like now. We spoke about this previously and he said to just contact him a little later letting him know what day would be good for us. A few days ago I asked if it would be okay to do it on Thursday (today). He sent me a text back saying he would have to get back to me. Then, on Thursday itself, he sent me a text saying that Thursday wouldn't be any good because "something came up" and he wouldn't be home. Um. Okay? He then sent another text asking if tomorrow (Friday) would be good for us. I said, "Yeah, no problem. I just need to know what time." I figured that since he suggested the day he would have a time frame in mind. I was mistaken. He said "I'll have to get back to you. Love you." I simply responded by telling him that I love him too.

This was all at around 11:30am today. I have been waiting since then for him to get back to me. Finally around 7:30pm I sent him a follow up text. I tried my best to make it seem very nonchalant. Like, "Hey pops.. just wondering..." type thing. A half hour later I still hadn't received a response. So I called him. No answer. I left a voice mail saying, "I wasn't sure if you had received my text so I thought it would be best to just call."

I know damn well the text went through but my dad is one of those people who absolutely hates to be what he calls "badgered". If he feels that is happening he will either a) not respond at all or b) push things back even further. So when I need to get a hold of him about something important I am normally stuck just waiting for him to get back to me or to wait a good long while and then try again while being very calm about it and acting as if I don't mean to bother him.

I do, in fact, mean to bother him of course. But I know the man way too well to push my luck. I honestly think I'm the only one in my family who knows how to "handle" my father. My mother never did which is part of the reason why they got a divorce after 25 years of being together. My brother is exactly like my father in so far as his attitude. If anything he is worse because he is obviously younger. When my dad was younger he was worse than he is now. He had a much shorter temper. My brother pretty much matches how our father was 25 years ago. My dad is going to be 52 in about a week and my brother is 29. This is part of the reason why my father and brother don't always get along.

Meanwhile here I am playing by my father's rules so things don't blow up in my face.

I'm just really hoping that my father gets back to me at some point tonight before he goes to bed. Never mind it's 8:40pm now. *sigh* I have a feeling that I'm going to wake up to a text from my dad with either a last minute time to show up or for him trying to put it off another day. I'm hoping I'm wrong and he does actually get back to me in the next hour or two. It would be nice.


Well, here it is a little after 1am on what is now technically Friday. All evening I have been waiting on a text or call from my father. About 10 minutes ago Master was on a social networking website and mentioned that apparently my father is home because he just posted something. So I not so subtly commented on it telling him to check his text messages. I put a stupid little smiley face at the end to kind of soften it. Like I said, I know how to "handle" my father. And what do you know I get a text not even two minutes later. He apologized and said he had just gotten back home. He told me that he has an oil change appointment tomorrow at 1pm and that he would call me after that was done.

Annoying point number one is that it makes absolutely no sense to wait for him to call once his oil change is done since it takes us about a hour to get down there. So why not just have us meet at your place at 2pm? But no. That's not how he wants to handle it so whatever... So rather than doing anything makes sense I'll have to wait for him to get home and then call me saying it's okay to come down so that we can head out and get there a hour later.

Annoying point number two gets on my nerves a lot. I had jokingly asked him why he was getting home so late. Apparently the thing that "came up" as to why today wasn't good for us to come down was because he went out with a bunch of old high school friends. Excuse me?!

*deep breath*

His high school reunion was about a month ago.. Okay maybe not a full month but pretty damn close to it. He will freely admit that he was highly unpopular in high school and will tell you how much he absolutely hated it. But hey, now 35 years later all of a sudden he's the bell of the mother fucking ball. Apparently going out to hang out with his new found high school buddies and going out because "he needed to" was more important than getting this done and out of the way as it would resolve a couple of things for Master and I. There is a damn time frame! A pretty short one actually and here you are pushing us off another day because your 51 year old ass decides he wants to feel 18 again for a night.

Now... did I say any of that in text or respond in any way, shape, or form as if it bothered me at all? Hell no. This is my father we're talking about. I damn well know better. So I said, "Gotcha. Well, just let me know once your oil change is done when it would be okay to come down."

I understand that he is under stress over my grandfather, his father, and everything that comes with that situation but seriously? It's not like anyone else is stressed out. Nope. Not at all. I am perfectly fucking relaxed.


Given what all is going on though all I can really do is vent to Master who is in the exact same situation I'm in so it's mainly just preaching to the choir. I can't blow up at my dad. That would be very, very bad for me. I'm just hoping that he doesn't call us tomorrow after his oil change and push it off again. I won't yell but I will speak up a bit about how this really, really needs to get done.


(This post is technically a day late as it is being done after midnight. I asked Master if I was going to be punished and He said no since I am doing it before I go to bed. My days are running together more and more so I'm losing track of the days of the week and the dates of the month more frequently. It's highly annoying and aggravating.)

We are now starting to make preparations to start packing. It's not going to make any sense to actually start packing for a little while yet since we'll still be using everything daily. However, we started doing a little bit of sorting today. Not very much but it was a start. We threw out some more things that we won't be taking with us. We also started to designate what is going in such and such a box with what. They are just small things but at least something was getting done.

My mother has lent us three tubs (the storage tubs kind of like tupperware only huge) and I am starting to ask stores for empty boxes. I was able to get three today at our local gas station. I went to another store today to do a little bit of shopping and asked them if they had any boxes. They told me that they had just received a new shipment today and to come back again tomorrow late afternoon/early evening and ask again. The manager was kind enough to leave a note for the staff tomorrow so that they won't throw any out.

I know that you can actually buy boxes for moving but that has never, ever made sense to me. Why would I pay for empty boxes to put stuff in once just to throw them away once I'm done? I would rather go around to local stores and ask for them. I don't find it embarrassing or anything like some people might. Hey, I need boxes because I'm moving. What is so embarrassing about that?

As far as clothing I just put them in bags. There is no need to put clothing in boxes in my opinion. Bags are easier to transport anyway. The only things going in boxes are books, DVDs, CDs, fragile items, and collectables. All of the electronics, except for the TV and computer, are going in their original boxes as we always save those. The TV and computer will be wrapped in towels and are going to be safely transported in a car, as well as the other electronics, rather than in a moving truck.

Anything going in a box that is breakable will be wrapped in newspaper, which we will also get for free since my mother gets the paper and recycles them, and then marked fragile.

Really the only thing I'll have to pay for, aside from the u-haul truck rental, is a permanent marker and a roll of mailing tape and I can get both of those at the dollar store. I'm frugal aka cheap. We'll start doing things more and more now to start getting shit done and packing things up that we can go without until the move is over.

August 25, 2014

Business As Usual

As anyone who ever reads the comments may have noticed all of this "mysterious" and "unnamed" talk has been about an unexpected move that is getting closer and closer. Our lease renewal had been received and when we saw how much the rent was going to be we quickly realized that we would not be able to live here any longer. The rent had gone up an astronomical amount. Most likely because of most of their properties being empty.

The ones that are/were full have been very short term tenants. I'm talking about people staying for less than a year, sometimes less than three months. Master has lived here for ten years and I have lived here for nine years. Every year, sure as shit, the rent would go up. It went up regardless of the fact that they were doing less and less upkeep of the property and when we called with a legitimate complaint we were told either it was their vendors fault or it was a tenant issue. What the fuck kind of happy horse shit is that? When they finally did get around to correcting something it was such a slap together fix that it was almost laughable.

As a result, we have had to make a mad dash of finding somewhere else to live. It has been extremely stressful and emotional. It's not even as if we enjoy living here. It's just the fact that we've been here so long and it felt like a smack in the face when we saw the lease renewal. They couldn't make their money off of new tenants so they had to gouge the long term ones. The only other couple who have been here longer than us has complained about the same thing.

We have about two and a half weeks before we have to be up and out of here.

Until then we are pretty much living as we normally would. It won't take long to pack this place up and there really isn't a huge need to rent a u-haul until a few days before hand. We also will not be taking everything with us since we won't have room for some of it. Not much to be done about it.

I'm sure there will be a brief period of time where I won't be able to post since it will take a little while to get the move done, settled in, and the internet hooked up. But for now it's business as usual.

August 23, 2014

Very Docile

Yesterday afternoon Master and I went into the bedroom to fool around. Before we got undressed and got into bed I went into the bedroom, grabbed my favorite vibrator, and put batteries in it. I then turned off the main bedroom light and turned on the lamp on the dresser instead.

When Master got into the bedroom I got undressed and slid into bed. Master pulled me to Him and chewed on my neck for a little while before molesting my tits and eating me out. After I got off I thought He was going to maneuver me so that I could suck His dick and was honestly surprised when He didn't. Instead He had me stay on my back and entered me. He allowed me to cum twice before putting me onto all fours.

I had put the vibrator on the headboard and made sure that the lube was handy. I handed the lube to Him and grabbed the vibrator. He pumped some lube onto His hand and slicked Himself up and then put some on me as well.

He slowly and gently pushed the head of His cock into my ass. He then paused as I had asked Him to put more lube on the top of His shaft.

Each time He enters my ass I realize exactly how thick His cock is. Don't get me wrong, I know He has a very thick cock. And it's not like my pussy isn't tight. It is. Master comments on that constantly. But it's a completely different sensation. And since my ass is obviously tighter than my pussy it is even more noticeable than usual.

It wasn't easy for me to relax at first. I put the vibrator to my clit and got off from that. After that it was easier for me to relax although the sensations were rather extreme. It was a bit painful at first but incredibly overwhelming the entire time. I ended up lowering my upper body to the mattress while keeping my ass in the air. It didn't matter how much measured breathing I did I couldn't get over the overwhelming sensation. I got off again but that only added to the stimulation. It wasn't really a bad thing. It was just... intense.

Master commented on how much He had missed this. He had missed fucking my ass.

I am slightly ashamed to admit that I couldn't handle it for very long. Soon the overwhelming sensation turned into over stimulation and it started to hurt again. Not in a holy hell I'm going to start screaming type way, but I was starting to shake because every nerve in my body seemed to be over stimulated

I was honest with Master immediately though. I said, "Master I'm not sure how long I can handle this."

He gently pushed down on my hips so they were a little closer to the mattress and He knelt down more. He told me that I was a good girl and that all I had to do was lay still while He plowed my ass. And that is exactly what He did. He fucked my ass hard and filled my ass with His cum. The sensation of Him cumming tipped me over the edge and even though my body was already over stimulated I got off again.

He stayed still for a little while as His after shocks twitched inside of me causing me to gasp deeply each time. He told me that I would have to be the one who moved. I knelt up slightly causing His cock to go in a little deeper before slowly moving forward, allowing His dick to slip out of my ass.

Almost immediately He got up and hopped into the shower. I followed Him into the bathroom, still shaking, so that I could clean myself off as well.

Normally when I'm shaking like that Master gives me aftercare. By aftercare I mean Him holding me until I stop. I only shake like that when my entire body is overwhelmed. It's not necessarily a bad thing, it's just a fact. But since it is anal sex we both clean up immediately. It's never really been messy, it's really only ever been lube and a little bit of blood from time to time, but we want to be careful about it and clean up immediately. So there really isn't any time for aftercare.

After we were both cleaned up we went into the living room. A short time later I felt like I was going to cry. It wasn't pain. It was just sub drop. I didn't say anything. I probably should have. But I did end up going into the bedroom and cleaned up the lube that was still on the bed. This gave me a chance to calm myself down and gather myself. When I got back into the living room Master was just getting off the computer and sitting down in His recliner. When He did He grinned at me and said, "I love that empty balls feeling." *smiles*

Later on that night before we went to bed Master used my pussy to get Himself off and to keep me docile. Well, I can't really say to keep me docile because after anal sex I am very docile for an extended period of time.

The reason why I had said I was slightly ashamed of having to admit that I couldn't handle it for long is because I want my body to accept it for a longer period of time. I even asked Master to please not be mad at me. He wasn't mad at all. He was actually pleased. I didn't give up at the first shock of minor pain in the beginning. I did my best to relax. I know that the only way to get my body to accept it for longer is to do it more frequently.

We had been working towards that before and it was getting better but then all of that stress came up and for a while our sex drives dipped. And once it started to kick back in the anal part of our sex life didn't really cross my mind. That is bad of me. Master absolutely loves fucking me in the ass. He has never been pushy about it but that doesn't mean I don't need to work at doing it more frequently and for longer.

I want to be as pleasing as I possibly can be. He has never chided me for anything in regards to anal sex. I am extremely grateful that He is so understanding and wants me to enjoy it as much as He does. But I can't exactly get to that point if I don't try to do it more frequently.

I still feel docile today. I was very tired earlier as it had been a long day and ended up taking a nap, but still very docile.

August 21, 2014


As things are coming to a head around here and the "yep it's gonna happen" sinks more into our heads we are starting to feel it more. Especially as the time we have before everything has to happen is creeping up more and more. It's hard not to let it get us down but we are really trying to not let it hit us too badly. I mean it is, but we are at least trying to stay positive about certain things and cheer one another up. Even if it is something small. The small shit is sometimes more important than the big things are.

So we have been joking around and actually have made some small splurges on ourselves. It's not like we really should be but honestly it's not like it's going to make much of a difference so why not? And by small I mean we bought two DVDs and a CD. But it's something, ya know?


You know that video Master finally made for me after 11 years? I've been watching it on and off. Why? Because I love it and after all I've been asking for one for 11 years... *laughs*

Master had brought up that He wants to try having anal again soon. I want to as well. The only problem was that last night I pretty much passed out as soon as we got home. It was a very long day. I basically didn't feel up to much of anything.

Tonight we had gone to the store to pick out a couple of DVDs and if I had been thinking I would have bought batteries while we were there. But I obviously wasn't thinking and totally spaced on it. Why do I care about batteries? Well, really it seems like the only way I can get myself relaxed enough during anal sex, at least in the beginning, is by playing with my clit. Using a vibrator to do so is just easier. Of course I don't have any batteries for the damn thing. Master kind of made fun of me about it once we got home.

I didn't want to drive all the way back to the same store. Instead I called the local dollar store and yep, they sell batteries. I'm cheap as hell.... Anyway, I went there and bought some. There is only four in the pack but I only need two and what do you expect for a dollar?

Now we are settled for the night. After I took the dog out I hopped on here to do my blog post. Once that is done I'll be taking my bath and then Master and I will be doing back rubs. It's not like we have to be anywhere tomorrow or have anything to do so it doesn't matter what time we go to bed.

I'm just hoping that my body decides to behave itself. That's the only thing I hate about anal is that it's like a 50/50 shot as to whether my body is going to allow it without hurting me too badly regardless of the fact that I want His dick up my ass.

I know that some Masters wouldn't care how much it hurts, they'll just go for it and too damn bad. But my Master doesn't really push it. He wants me to enjoy it and even though yes I'm a masochist, I'm not that much of a masochist. I'm very lucky that He is so understanding, especially since I do have stomach issues. I'm also grateful that He doesn't get pissed off if we try and my body says no.

August 19, 2014

My Favorite Sound

Last night after my blog post I took my shower and I asked Master if He wanted me to dress up. He told me that it was up to me. I said some smart ass answer along the lines of my wanted cock one way or another so I might as well dress up. *laughs* He chuckled at that. He told me to wait on getting dressed up until after we had done back rubs as we hadn't slept well the night before and were both sore.

Once the back rubs were done I went into the bedroom and picked out my school girl outfit. He grinned when He saw me. I hadn't worn that outfit in quite some time, which is exactly why I picked it out. Some people may find this funny but once I was dressed up we relaxed in the living room and played video games. Part of the reason was so we could just chill for a little while. The other reason was so Master was sure His back relaxed enough so that He wouldn't have to worry about it during sex.

It was about a hour later that Master turned off the game console and told me to get my ass into the bedroom. He was already laying down once I got there because I needed to take my tampon out.

I cuddled up next to Him so that we were both on our sides facing one another. He almost immediately bit into my neck. I couldn't help my moaning and sudden hard breaths. He ran His hands along my leg and ass while I reached in between us and started stroking His cock.

He gently pushed me onto my back and I whimpered when I had to let go of His shaft. He chuckled again and reached down to start undoing the top of the school girl outfit. However, the last four clasps are kind of difficult to undo so He told me that if I wanted my tits ravaged I would have to undo them myself. Trust me, I was pretty damn quick in doing so. As soon as the last one was done He pushed them aside and sucked on my tits. It instantly made me start squirming. I was able to lay still for a while but then every now and then I would rotate my hips against the bed. I was more than revved.

Once He was done He told me to slide up on the bed. I did so and He got comfortable in between my legs. He used His tongue to drive me out of my mind. It didn't take long to get me off. He didn't even have to finger me. Normally I need both His tongue and His fingers in order to get off. That's nothing Master is doing wrong obviously it's just how my body is. Nine times out of ten I need something to clench down on. But not last night. It was like my clit was on a hair trigger. As my orgasm peaked I arched my lower back and He wrapped one arm around my hips and forced me to lay still and flat against the bed. The orgasm seemed to go on forever.

Once the last shudder went through me He reached up and grabbed my neck so that I was raise up onto my knees. As soon as I was on my knees, it seemed to be in one quick and fluid movement that He had my hair wrapped in His hand. He then pushed my head down to His dick. I laid down and He placed both of His hands on the top of my head so I couldn't pull back. That was my queue to relax my throat as much as possible because I knew it wouldn't take much for Him to hit the back of my throat from that angle. He held my head still and rolled His hips so that He was fucking my mouth. I moaned and rolled my tongue as much as I could. I remember that at one point He stopped moving and I thought that maybe He did that so He couldn't cum. I may be way off on that but I do know that I moaned when He did that which made Him growl deep in His throat.

He continued to fuck my mouth for a little while longer before letting go of my head and hair. I didn't raise my head right away. Instead I kept my head perfectly still and just rolled and flicked my tongue so that His cock would twitch and throb in my mouth. I was honestly proud of myself that I had been able to keep my throat relaxed that long without even feeling like I was going to gag. That isn't always the easiest thing to do for a prolonged period of time.

Finally I let His dick slip out of my mouth and knelt up in front of Him. He was kneeling down more than I was and as a result my tits were right in His face and He took one into His mouth. I rested my hands on His shoulders, enjoying the sensation. Finally I just whispered, "Please fuck me Master."

He turned me around so that I was on all fours and slammed His cock into me. I was still on a hair trigger in regards to wanting to orgasm. He allowed it. He alternated between fucking me hard and then pulling back so that only the head of His cock was going in and out of me which felt absolutely delicious.

I lost count of how many times He allowed me to get off. I was much more talkative than I normally am during sex. He loves dirty talk but I don't do it as often as I probably should. I said that I loved how His thick cock stretches my tight pussy. He responded by saying that it was because I was a good slut.

Eventually He told me that I was no longer allowed to cum and pushed me down so that I was laying on my stomach. One of my legs went straight back, underneath Him and my other leg He pushed out and up so that it was above His knee. He rotated His hips, grinding His cock inside me.

I talked dirty a little bit more and it seemed to trigger His orgasm. He got off very, very hard and growled very loudly. I focused completely on the sensation of His cock pulsing inside of me and the sound of His growling. I also was grinding my hips against Him as His orgasm peaked.

Once He was done I smiled to myself and told Him that His growl when He cums is my favorite sound in the world. He chucked and said that it's because I'm a sick bitch. I told Him that He loved it.

He rolled off of me and had me clean off His cock. We rested next to one another for a little while longer and then He allowed me to take the outfit off and go put "plug it up" as He puts it. When we both went to bed to sleep we crashed rather quickly.

Then this morning when I woke up He was already out in the living room. I have no idea how long He had been awake. I knew He had the blinds in the living room open so I tossed on a longer t-shirt and went into the bathroom to change out my tampon. The next thing I know Master is behind me and is raising my t-shirt. I raised my arms up over my head and He lifts it off of me. He took the fresh tampon which was still in the wrapped out of my hand and tossed it on the bathroom counter.

He told me to get into the bedroom, which I obediently did. I slid into bed next to Him and was on my stomach as I rubbed the side of my face against His chest. I wasn't fully awake yet but since when does that matter when my Master wants to fuck? Never.

He made me stay on my stomach and quickly knelt up behind me. I was a little wet so it didn't take much for Him to force His cock inside of me. I already knew that He was using me and that I wouldn't be allowed to cum. It wasn't because of the position He had me in, it was just something I knew. I can't really explain it but after this long together I'm usually pretty accurate when I read His mood like that. While He was fucking me He told me that He had been watching the videos I sent Him two nights ago and He just wanted a tight hole to fuck. That turned me on a lot and make me softly smile as He continued to slam into me. I raised my hips up so that He could get deeper inside of me.

After He was done He told me to clean Him off and then allowed me to go finish doing what I had to do in the bathroom.

Let me tell you, I am one very happy and satisfied slave. 

August 18, 2014

Exchanging Videos

I hadn't seen Master for three days. Honestly, our sex life hasn't been as active as usual because of stress.

But two nights ago I was very, very horny. It was like it hit me out of nowhere. It may have something to do with the fact that I'm on the rag. Normally it hits very high levels when that happens. Master and I were chatting online and He had mentioned my sending Him some "thinking of You" nude pictures. It came across via text as half joking and half serious. But I took some and sent them to Him. It was a couple of pics of my tits and a couple of my pussy. 

However after I took the pictures I remembered that my phone has a camcorder function! Well hell, a video would be better than pictures After all I thought it would please Him. Since we were messaging back and forth I asked Him to wait a moment. I wanted the video to be a surprise for Him.

After that I turned on the camcorder function on my phone and positioned myself the best I could. It was a bit difficult but I managed it. I basically teased myself with my hand. I gently rubbed my clit and rubbed my outer pussy lips. I started off slowly but then I started rubbing my clit a bit more and then fingering myself. I tried to put on a good show for Him, but I knew that I couldn't cum because I didn't have His permission. After all, this was going to be a surprise. The video ended up being a little over three minutes long.

I then tried to send the video to Him via messenger but it said that the video was too long. So I attempted to send it via e-mail and it said that the file was too large. I was honestly getting frustrated about it so I finally just edited the video down to two separate videos of it and sent it to Master, promising to save the full video on my phone to upload it to our computer later. I was finally able to send them after they were edited. Once Master was done watching both of Him the very next message I received from Him was "How do I save these?!" *giggles*

He was extremely pleased as well as surprised. I then begged Him for a video of Him stroking His cock. In the eleven years we have been together I have asked for a video of that. He has masturbated in front of me and it's one of the hottest things I've ever watched. He has never actually done it for me. Why I'm not sure. He just hasn't. Then again He had never masturbated in front of me until after we started living together. I guess He didn't realize how much it turned me on. He said that not a lot of women get turned on by that. Whether that is true or not I don't know. Maybe that's just His experience from His past relationships. 

Anyway, I begged and begged. He told me maybe and that even if He did He would need to charge the batteries for the camera. I was basically sitting in suspense. Just thinking about the possibility of receiving said video had me dripping wet so I asked Him if He would like another video from me. Well, obviously He isn't going to turn that down. His only restriction was that I wasn't allowed to cum. 

I had learned my lesson about making the videos so long so I did one short one where I was again playing with my pussy only this time I was laying down. (I had been sitting up in the last one.) I tried to put on even more of a show for Him since I was now able to lay down. Once I stopped that video I made another one with my playing with my clit just before reaching down and fingering my ass. After both videos were made I sent them to Him. 

He told me that of course while we weren't together physically I would tease Him about my ass. We haven't done anal in a long time. For a while we were working on making it more frequent but then a lot of things went a bad direction and it just didn't seem as appealing to me anymore especially since my stress levels were also messing with my stomach from time to time. 

I sent Him the one of me fingering my ass because I do want to have anal sex again soon. I guess that was my small way of letting Him know that without actually saying it. Yes, stress is higher than ever but I'm just over that actually messing with our sex life. 

I again begged for a video of Him jerking off. He told me to wait a little bit and He would make one. I asked Him if He was going to cum in the video and He teasingly told me that He wasn't sure yet. So I waited and waited. Staring at the messaging app on my phone waiting for His response.

A little while later He messaged me saying that the video was done but it was the same problem I ran into. He couldn't send it since the file was too large. However He did not have the option of editing the video down as we don't have that software on our computer and His camera does not have that function either. What He ended up doing is sending it to me in a document website so that I could download it to my phone. Once it was done downloading I asked Him to wait a moment while I watched it. 

I fucking loved it. Oh my gods it turned me on more than I can describe. Just watching Him stroke Himself and then playing with His balls for a short period of time while stroking His cock... that has to be my favorite part of the video. But then He came and I got to watch that and I was dripping wet. 

He told me that He watched the videos I had sent Him while He was masturbating which only made it hotter to me. He's watching me play with myself while getting Himself off and I got to watch Him doing it. 

Unfortunately He had to go to bed shortly after that. I still had not received permission to cum so from that point forward I didn't touch myself at all because 1) He was going to bed and I wouldn't be able to send Him videos of it and 2) I wouldn't have been able to get off anyway. So if I can't cum and He can't watch me simply playing with myself there was really no point. I will say that I watched that video a good five or six times before I went to bed though. I also found out that I could zoom in while watching it! So of course the last two times I watched it I zoomed in even more on His cock. *purrs

Then yesterday Master drove down to where I was and spent the night there with me. Shortly after He got there and got settled in He wanted to watch the full video I had made that I had to separate into two parts. I handed Him my phone and He loved the video. However we couldn't really fool around to release any of the sexual tension because we had things that we had to do, which is why I had been staying down there and why He had drove down yesterday. 

Later on that night however Master was extremely tired but horny and I was just plain horny. I offered Him a blowjob. He wasn't about to turn that down. What I really wanted was for Him to eat me out because just thinking about the video He sent me from the night before had my pussy lips swollen and for me to then suck Him off. But I wasn't going to bring up the first part because He was very tired and I didn't want Him to think that I was trying to make a bargain. That wasn't the case at all. I wanted His cum down my throat regardless. 

So like I said I didn't bring that part up. Instead I just waited for Him to take off His boxer briefs and get comfortable. He gathered up my hair and I started sucking His cock. Because I couldn't get the part of the video out of my head where He was playing with His balls, I snaked my hair under my neck and played with them for almost the entire time I was sucking His cock. After He shot His cum down my throat I swallowed every bit of it, as always, but I didn't want to immediately let His cock slide out of my mouth so I just stayed very still and felt the last few throbs of His cock against my tongue and the roof of my mouth. I gently moaned each time. 

I moved my head back and took my mouth off of His cock only to lick and kiss the head of it a few times. Afterward He was very tired and now very satisfied so we went to sleep shortly there after. My pussy lips remained swollen and I did my best to ignore the throbbing between my legs so I could fall asleep. Eventually I was able to do so but I woke up wet as hell this morning.

We came back home today and hopefully we'll be able to have a lot of fun in bed tonight.

August 14, 2014

Tired But Can't Sleep

I am so tired right now but I just can't seem to fall asleep. When Master went to bed a little bit before 3:30am I went to bed with Him. I was just about to doze off shortly after we climbed into bed when all of a sudden I had a muscle spasm right along the left side of my rib cage. So I attempted to get more comfortable. I did for a moment but then it happened again.

I was trying to not wake Him and as a result I tried to lay as still as possible. But hey, lets face it... it's not easy to get comfortable or fall asleep when your body is messing with you. Once the rib muscle spasms finally stopped I again was about to drift off when I had another muscle spasm directly under my right shoulder blade. What the fuck?! *sigh* From there my leg started to hurt and I just couldn't get comfortable.

My stomach was bothering me most of the night and I finally got it to chill out about a hour before we went to bed. Then all of a sudden this starts to happen. I really, really didn't want to wake Him and yet I just couldn't get comfortable due to all of that going on. So I finally just gently and slowly got out of bed. Once I got out here to the living room I took a benadryl to see if that will knock me out enough to fall asleep in a little while. I would take another tylenol but I took one right before bed and I don't want to risk upsetting my stomach again by taking another one. After all my stomach was so bad earlier that I actually ended up buying a Sprite 20oz to see if that helped and I hate Sprite.

Master and I had gone out to my Grandpa's house today to help get most of the garbage put into a dumpster. Tomorrow we'll be going back again to help set up for the estate sale. The estate sale is this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

Since we had major car repairs last week and still need to get the rear brakes done, which my father will be doing sometime next week, we are trying to keep the wear and tear on the car to the bare minimum. So tomorrow after we are done out at my grandfather's with the setting up of things Master will be dropping me off at my mother's. He will then go home and to take care of the animals and I will be spending Thursday, Friday, and Saturday night down there. Master will have the car up here and I'll be borrowing my brother's car while I'm down there to get back and forth to Grandpa's from my mother's for the estate sale. Master will come down for the last day of the estate sale, which is Sunday, to help out and also pick me up to take me home.

It's going to suck royally but it's better than running our car into the ground even more and taking an even bigger toll on the brakes that need to be done asap. Not to mention risking needing even more car repairs that we just simply cannot afford. Hell we couldn't afford the ones done last week but we didn't really have a choice given how dangerous it would have been to continue driving the car without them.

I'll be glad once all of this estate sale shit is done and over with. I'm more than over with going out to Grandpa's house. It's weird and uncomfortable but I promised my father that I would do it so I am.

We are both just stressed out to levels I didn't think were possible and it's taking a toll on our bodies. I carry all of my stress in my shoulders and lower back which isn't helping the other parts of my body since they are trying to compensate for my trying to be more comfortable and get some relief on my shoulders and lower back.

Okay, I'm going to give this whole trying to sleep thing another shot since I have to be up in five and a half hours and I have absolutely no idea how long of a day tomorrow is going to be.

August 12, 2014

Really Bitch?

I missed my blog post last night. I honestly didn't realize it until about midday today. I told Master that I was sorry and that I had thought it wasn't due last night but rather it was due today. He told me that He understands as there was a lot going on yesterday so He decided not to remind me and just allow me to do one today instead.

Yesterday was just absolute hell. I won't go into most of it because well, I don't want it on the blog. But trust me... it was bad. His mother didn't help the situation but it wasn't too bad. More irritating than anything. But then today she really got into it with Master. They both basically took the kid gloves off until finally she just said that He doesn't want to listen to what she has to say meanwhile she was the one cutting Him off and completely ignoring most of what He was saying. She is such a cunt.

If you say anything that she doesn't agree with or doesn't understand she does one of two things. Either she gets on her high horse and basically says she knows everything and she is always right or she'll climb up onto a cross and play the martyr. This time she chose to get on her high horse.

We have so much going on and none of it is pretty. Not one damn part of it. But rather than at least attempting to be sympathetic or offer to assist in some way she would rather just kick us while we're already down.

That bitch has never had to worry about a damn thing in her life. I am not exaggerating at all when I say that. She will tell you she has but trust me, that's her trying to act like she has it so hard while she is taking cruises twice a year or chilling at a Mexico resort for almost a month. And her life has always been that way. She's never had to worry about anything. Not money, not lack of support from others (emotionally), nothing.

Meanwhile she sees us and the many different and stressful situations we are in and she would rather tell us that we should do x, y, and z and when we literally explain to her the reality of why those things are not able to happen she tells us that we are making excuses. I'm sorry but it's not an excuse if there is literally no way in hell for it to happen. An excuse is when yeah, we could but we're not going to and we're going to make up a bullshit reason to get out of it or create sympathy for ourselves. No. That's not how we are as individuals or as a couple.

Hell, she has even deemed herself fit to talk about the situation regarding my grandfather telling us that we shouldn't be thinking about our feelings but what is best for him. Excuse me?! I think of nothing but what is best for my grandfather. My entire family is only wanting what is best for him not for any of us.

When we say we wish he would go peacefully it's not so that our emotional pain will end. It's so his emotional, physical, and mental pain will end. He is in constant and severe pain and it takes everything he has to eat the food they are mashing up for him so he can swallow it, and that's only when he decides he wants to eat.  He absolutely refuses to be spoon fed. If anyone tries he will cuss them out and tell them to leave. Since he has a DNR in place there isn't anything that any of us can do about it. We can't force feed him. We can't put in a feeding tube. The most they can do is offer him food to see if he wants to eat it and put supplements in his water so he is at least getting something in his system. He is always drifting in and out of the here and now. He gets so pissed off and is easily confused. He is sleeping more and more. His skin tone is that very pale but yet gray tinted color. He is down to 120lbs. Keep in mind he is 6ft1 and was always a very strong man. He drools on himself and basically can't function without constant assistance. That is not a life. That is waiting for death and apparently death is taking it's time with him. There is no hope or possibility for him to get better. It will only get worse. The doctors are basically just waiting for the time where they can cover him with a white sheet and pronounce him dead. Until that point they are just trying to make him as comfortable as his DNR will allow.

I suggested to Master that we just shouldn't respond to His mother anymore. At least not until things calm down. No calls. No e-mails. Nothing. Just let us deal with our shit without her adding to everything. It's not my mother so I can't just tell Him what to do. I just expressed my opinion on the matter.

August 9, 2014

When It Rains It Pours

Well... I thought that there was nothing else that could add to the huge pile of stress that we already have. I was wrong. Apparently our car wanted to get in on the action as well.

Thursday all of a sudden she started running really rough. (I refer to my car as a female. Hush.)  What the fuck? The check engine light wasn't on or anything so I figured I had just gotten some bad gas from the gas station. After all, it hadn't started until after I put gas in the car that day so to me that was a logical conclusion. Well, yesterday I was driving down to my mother's to help her out with some things and as I'm driving down there all of a sudden the check engine light comes on. Mother. Fucker. Thankfully I was only about 10 minutes away from my mother's so I got her there and put her in park. When I got out of the car my mom asked me why I looked pissed off. I told her and she told me to take the car up the street to the mechanic both her and my brother use and trust. Normally I only go to our mechanic up by us because I trust them. But hey, if both my mother and brother trust these people I'll go there.

Yeah. Well... It's a damn good thing I did. Holy shit. First, I would just like to say that whenever I go to "our" mechanic up here and they do an oil change they are suppose to do a 20 point inspection of the car. The place I went to yesterday also does that. I needed to get her an oil change anyway so I asked them to do that and read the code that the car was throwing that was causing the check engine light go on.

Apparently "our" mechanic wasn't doing the 20 point inspection they told me they were doing. When the mechanic I went to yesterday came out to tell me what was up he simply asked me to come back with them to where my car was. That is not a good thing. The minute a mechanic asks me to come look at our car so they can show me what is wrong I feel a knot form in my stomach.

Let's see here...

The list of all of what needed to be done and was done were the following:
  • Spark plugs and wires
  • PCV valve and tube
  • Valve cover gasket and plenum
  • Lower engine mount
  • Rear watts link
  • New wiper blades
Okay, so the new wiper blades were no big deal although I was annoyed because we had literally bought new ones earlier this year. Apparently they weren't very good ones since the rubber was already coming off of the damn things. 

But that's not the point. The mechanic we have always gone to, that I had trusted because they never seemed to lie to me or steer me wrong, had missed a few things. And it's not like they were small things! Some of those items, namely the rear watts link and the lower engine mount had obviously needed to be done for quite some time. And if it's obvious to me, who is not a mechanic, you would think an actual mechanic would have mentioned it before now. I'm not talking a couple of months either. I'm talking a good long while. Also, the spark plugs were so bad that you couldn't even see one of them anymore because they were flooded with oil.


How in the hell can our mechanic miss all of that?!

The one I went to yesterday was very nice and I really appreciated the fact that he took me back to our car to show me everything because otherwise I don't think I would have believed him. I don't automatically think that mechanics are lying to me but I was just amazed that our mechanic had never mentioned any of this. And no they didn't find all of this because of car code. They did that last. This was all from the 20 point inspection that our normal mechanic is supposed to be doing every oil change but obviously hasn't been.

The mechanic I went to yesterday said flat out he was surprised that we hadn't been in an accident yet due to some of these things.

Oh, and the oil change? He threw that in for free.

Normally I would piece meal fixes because of finances but these were so dangerous that I couldn't afford not to have them done right then and there. They told me that they could get them all done that day so I got a ride back to my mother's house and left our car there to get fixed.

I called Master once I got back to my mother's house. He was pissed. Not at me or anything but at our mechanic. Not only should they have informed us of all of this but we could have been in a serious accident due to some of these and severely injured.

Needless to say we will no longer be going to what was "our" mechanic. Fuck that. It makes me wonder if they were waiting for this shit to break fully and then just replacing it then so we'd basically be in a bind and they could charge us more since it was fully broken rather than just needing to be replaced so it doesn't fully break.

We do need to get our rear brakes done soon but it wasn't an immediate need and the bill was already high (although lower than what we would have paid up here) so I put that off which the mechanic said would be fine. He said it's not an immediate concern but would need to be done sooner rather than later.

Guess what? When those get done I'm going to the mechanic I went to yesterday not the one up here. Hell I won't even take our car for an oil change there anymore. Obviously they aren't doing what they are supposed to be doing. Assholes.

August 7, 2014


It seems that life prefers to become more and more difficult as each day goes by as well as more and more stressful.

When we were done helping my dad and my uncle yesterday I asked if all they would need us for is for the following weekend. (This upcoming weekend.) Apparently they will need us an additional day at least, but more likely two other days. That would mean five days worth of assistance. Why the extra days? Because they are renting a dumpster and want help throwing things out as well as setting things up on tables for the sale. I'm hoping that it's only one additional day. I told them that I think that if we were just to do one longer day then we would be able to get it all done in one day. Normally we've only been working at it for 4 1/2 hours each day. It's irritating because we're making about a hour drive to get down there and then making another almost hour drive to get home. It also doesn't help that they don't want to start until around noon. *sigh* I'll just be glad when it's over.

We are still trying to wrap our heads around how in the blue hell Grandpa is still alive. The doctors have been maintaining their prediction of his passing prior to his next birthday. His birthday is September 2nd.

Master and I had to have a very difficult and unpleasant conversation today. Don't worry. It's not about a divorce or anything. It's just about something that neither of us want to do but may end up having to go through with.

We are still hoping that it won't have to happen but at this point we have to start seriously coming to terms with the fact that it might and as a result we have to start making plans for it. We had said we would revisit the conversation in August and so we did today. We were more of less waiting on one more key piece of information before having said conversation. Well, we got that information today and it wasn't good. Immediately after that we started talking about the situation at hand. We made a few preliminary decisions.

August 5, 2014

Taking A Toll

Yet another week of helping family. We went out to Grandpa's today and will be going back again tomorrow. They want to have the estate sale next weekend, and I am hoping that they don't push it off.... again..... There just seems to be so much to do yet. Most of today was spent with my Master and my uncle taking scrap metal to cash it in. They didn't get a lot for it. Meanwhile my father and I were inside pricing things. Well, at least starting to. I had to keep pushing my dad. He would start out fine and then suddenly find something he wants to look through and then I'm standing there waiting for him to finish. I can't price things on my own and I also cannot move anything on my own as I don't know where they want things to go. After the second time of that happening I finally just starting walking around and saying, "What do you want this priced as Dad?" That way I could continue doing what needed to be done while he rummaged through whatever he was looking at. Thankfully he didn't get pissy with me about it. He knows I'm only trying to help but my father isn't exactly the kind of person who likes to be rushed either.

At about 4:30pm or so we all sat outside and after about 15 minutes I asked if we were doing anything else today and once they said no I said we had to go. Master looked grateful. *laughs*

Hopefully we get a lot more done tomorrow. The biggest problem is that there is so much that needs to go into the trash but they want to rent a dumpster rather than putting it all out on the curb. County garbage pickup doesn't work like it does in the city. So it is just set aside and then we have to move around it to get to the things that are being sold. They are selling some really petty shit if you ask me. But hey, it's not up to me... So.... Whatever.

Now that we are home and somewhat relaxing I am very sore and tired. Master says we'll exchange back rubs tonight. Yay!

I've been napping almost every day on the couch. I go to bed normally at about the same time lately but I don't sleep well at all and then I take a nap on the couch. Lately when I'm sleeping it's not like being fully asleep. It's more of that half asleep in and out type thing. I have made sure that I don't take naps on the couch a couple of times but it doesn't do any good. I still don't sleep for shit and I just feel worse the next day. Sometimes the naps are for about an hour and other times it's two hours. Master almost never wakes me up from them. He normally just lets me wake up on my own.

All this stress and emotional shit isn't helping. The stress is just more of the same as is the emotional baggage. There is nothing new what so ever on it. It just seems that the longer it is dragged out the more of a toll it is taking on my body.

August 3, 2014

Gut Shot

Master went to bed early tonight. I wasn't tired because I ended up taking a nap on the couch earlier this evening. Also normally I haven't been going to bed until about 3am whether I take a nap or not... so... Yeah. It sucks. I was just trying to figure out something to do after He went to sleep. He told me that I could watch a movie and I know that I can but I'm always worried about the TV waking Him up and/or keeping Him awake. I know that sometimes when I go to bed before He does I can hear the TV so I don't really want to risk waking Him up and/or keeping Him up by watching it. Especially since right now we have our AC fan going and that creates quite a bit of white noise, so I'm worried that I would have to turn up the volume on the TV just to hear it.

Rather than risking that I did some job hunts and now I am doing this post. There isn't really a lot to say.... I mean it's not like anything is really new. I'm sometimes having a hard time falling asleep still. I'm waiting on my father to get back to us either today (Sunday) or tomorrow (Monday) about what day this upcoming week they want our help. I can't wait until the estate sale is done. Once that is done there shouldn't really be a need for us to go out there anymore unless it's one last time to help clear out everything that didn't sell.

I just don't want to go out there anymore. I'm dealing with it now because I want it to be over with and I want to help my family. It just so happens that by helping my family I am bringing the whole being over with part closer to becoming a reality.

I got the car registration reminder in the mail the other day. It didn't really bother me at first but for some reason it did for a split second today. I have it laying on an end table in the living room and as I walked past it I happened to glace down for some reason and I saw my grandfather's name on it and I felt a little sick to my stomach. I didn't feel like I was actually going to be physically sick but it was one of those quick emotional gut shots out of fucking left field.

When I bought the car my grandfather helped me by cosigning for it since his credit was better than mine. (This was before Master and I were married.) So both my name and my grandfather's name are on the title and registration. The reminder obviously goes to my address but it has both of our names on there. I ended up just flipping that stupid piece of paper over. It was just one of those things where the first thing that popped into my head when I saw it was, "When he's gone I'll have to get a copy of his death certificate to take his name off the title of the car." That is when the gut shot sensation happened.

It's just one of those things where I don't want him to suffer anymore but when little things like that go barreling through my mind it hurts. But what he is going through is worse than anything I am going through as a result of what is happening to him. There is no comparison at all. Not even close. I just learned the other day that he only weighs 120lbs now! Also, his muscles are thinning. He is yawning and very tired all of the time. He doesn't move that much anymore. He says it hurts. I just don't understand why he is still here. I don't understand why his body just keeps on going when the mind and soul aren't willing to be here anymore. It makes less sense to me with every day that I don't get that phone call telling me that he's passed away.

August 1, 2014


Last night Master and I were bored. While we were trying to figure out something to do I asked, "Well... Do You want to watch that porno we found in the closet?"

One day a while back I had been cleaning out of the hallway closet and there was a porn DVD in there that we had no memory of what so ever. We set it aside to watch at some point. Since we were bored I figured we might as well try it. We have no memory of ever buying it so we don't know if it came free with a different porn DVD we bought or with a toy or what... We played it and now we know why we never watched it. It was one of those porno movies that tries to be artsy. The way they continuously bounced back and forth with scenes and different camera effects it was almost as if they were trying to give people seizures.. that's how quickly they were changing scenes. We waited for a little while to see if it would stop but nope... Needless to say we threw that out as soon as we took it out of the DVD player.

Now that we were in the mood for it though we put in a different porno. We made fun of it because seriously.. it's fucked up. One of the beginning scenes has this guy trying to shove a dildo that would make a horse jealous up a chick's ass. Holy hell. The scary thing is that it fit to a certain point. *wide eyes*


Eventually we turned it off and went to the bedroom.

Once we were in bed I sucked His cock for a little while before He turned me onto my back so He could molest my tits. After making me whimper and moan He knelt up on the bed and fingered me. I reached over and stroked His cock while He slid His fingers in and out of me, sometimes removing them completely so that He could run His wet fingers against my clit.

He told me to slide up on the bed. As I did so He positioned Himself between my legs and ate me out until I came and was so sensitive that just Him breathing on my clit made me shudder.

He flipped me over and had me get on all fours with my back arched and my upper body held up high so that I was propping myself up by the tips of my fingers. He gripped my neck with His hand to help me stay in position while He slammed His cock in and out of me.

After He allowed me to cum He had me put my ass in the air and my face to the mattress. It was absolutely incredible. He actually had to gently tell me to hush a few times because I would get too loud. *smirks* He is never mean about it. It's always a very gentle "hush" or "sshhh". I'm sure it pleases Him since I can't always see His face when He says it but I can always hear the amusement in His voice.

As I felt His cock begin to throb I begged for His cum, telling Him that I love His thick cock. It tipped Him over the edge and He filled me with His cum.

I would say that it is the best sex we've had in a while now. Not that the other times were bad. They were all amazing but for some reason this time seems to have topped them. Well, at least to me. I can't speak for Him on that.