October 31, 2011

Spoiled Girl

Master gave me my three day weekend off of doing blog posts. I did the toy review post, obviously, but other than that Master allowed me to just relax. He gave me one of the most relaxing weekends I've had in a very long time. I was honest surprised when He told me I didn't have to do my blog posts. Normally He's very strict about that. But He said He just wanted me to use the three day weekend to unwind as much as possible.

It was a weekend of winding down and basically it was like a mini vacation. We didn't do anything really of any importance, we didn't go anyway. So I guess you would call it a "stay-cation".

He gave me several shoulder rubs, cuddled with me a lot and fucked my brains out multiple times. It was so relaxing that it's hard to put into words.

It made me forget our stress for a little while; regardless of the fact that it's the beginning of the month, which is normally the most stressful part of the month. He made me forget my worries and was constantly asking if I was having a good weekend. It was so sweet.

It was wonderful! He made every effort to make me laugh and smile. It was just want I needed.

Going back to the real world today was really hard.

I was spoiled this past weekend and I'm still smiling because of it. I loved the cuddle time I got, especially now that it's getting colder outside. These are the times where I love cuddling the most.

And of course now I'm just counting down the weeks until my next extended weekend which will be the week of Thanksgiving.

This past weekend meant a lot to me. Master of course is always trying to make me happy and trying to help me relax. But since this was a longer weekend I definitely felt spoiled as hell.

He was generous in every way possible. Let's go down the list...
  • Multiple shoulder rubs to the point that I felt like I was melting
  • So many hugs, kisses and I love yous that I was constantly walking on air.
  • Time off the blog. Where as I love posting, it was nice to just not have to think about anything, including what the do a post about.
  • Sex with many orgasms, as well as being used simply because I asked for it.
  • Being wrapped up in His arms and just feeling Him close to me more often than what we get to do during the week.
  • Jokes and silly things to make me laugh.
  • The sparkle in His eyes and the grin on His face when it worked.
I'm a very happy girl. Today was a really rough work day. But whenever I got frustrated I just thought back over the past three days and it helped me calm down. I love my Man. I don't know what I would do without Him. I think I would have had a nervous breakdown by this point if I didn't have Him in my life, regardless of the bipolar medication.

October 29, 2011

Gone Fishing

Okay, not really. But it's the typical smart ass thing to say when you're taking a break. Master has allowed me to take the weekend off blog posting, hence why I missed my post yesterday. He just wants me to completely relax all weekend. So I thought I would do this quick post. I'll be back on Monday!

October 27, 2011

Empty Thoughts

I am very, very happy that I get a three day weekend this week. Aside from holidays, it'll be my last one until March. I'm using up almost the last of my personal time to take off tomorrow (Friday). Why? Because I need it. After last week and all that bullshit with the tires, I just want to rest and relax. Aside from that, I don't really want to do much at all.

I don't know why but today my whole back is tense and aches. I didn't really do anything strenuous at work so I have no idea what's going on. It might be the weather.

I'm not even really sure what I want to write about tonight. I get to stay up late since I have off tomorrow, and that's really all that is on my mind. So exciting huh?

I really am trying to think of something interesting to write about and nothing is coming to mind. I thought about doing a journal prompt but that just requires too much thinking for my liking right now. Then again, since I do have a long night ahead of me I may hop on and do another post later. Right now? I'm just not feeling it.

October 26, 2011

Moving Right Along

I'm not going to continue to try and explain anything or defend anyone. This is my blog. You either enjoy reading it or you don't. I understand that blogs, for some people, are similar to soap operas. You just kind of get hooked and get very emotionally involved at times. I know that I read blogs like it's going out of style, when I have the time to. I enjoy reading the blogs I have listed and sometimes search for new ones to read. I feel for the writers sometimes. I get happy for them, or sad, or whatever other emotion may be stirred at that exact moment; but I also understand that I only get a small window. We blog because we love blogging. Now while yes, I am under orders to blog daily, I honestly greatly enjoy it. It is a creative outlet and an emotional outlet all in one. It's wonderful.

I write for me. I write for Master. I am very happy that some people enjoy coming here to read what I have to say/type. It puts a smile on my face.

However, some things... well... some people get it and others don't. *shrugs* It happens. So, rather than dwelling on it or continuing to do the same thing over and over again but expecting different results (the very definition of insanity) it's just best to move along to the next thought. If you would like to keep reading, please feel free and I hope you enjoy it.

Tonight is technically my Thursday night. I have off on Friday, which I am so looking forward to. Last week was just weird and broken up oddly and just... fucking annoying as all hell basically.

Since it is the night before my last day of work for the week Master is allowing me to stay up tonight. *happy dance*

I know there is a damn good point to my having a bedtime during the work week. I've been known to stay up until 3am because I get caught up in something I am reading or doing and then have to get up at 6am. It doesn't help the next day, trust me. So for my own good Master gave me a bedtime. But on my night before my last day of the work week He normally allows me to stay up. It's relaxing. It's like this weird trigger letting me know that I can relax and I just have one more day before the weekend.

Tonight is one of those nights that I just really want to be comfortable. So I'm wearing an Alice Cooper t-shirt Master gave me and socks. Sexy huh? Oh! And I'm wearing my glasses and my wrist support thing since I'm writing my blog post. Totally hot, I know. Thankfully Master finds me beautiful regardless, so at least I have that going for me.

I am hoping that tomorrow goes by quickly. Today did which was really nice.

I'm trying to figure out what to do with that poem page, if anything. Or if I should keep it at all. Hm. Not sure. It makes the top bar look kind of busy. I'm probably going to scrap it. Maybe I'll make a "Things I Love" type page later. Who knows. I'll probably find some kind of blog related project to do over the weekend. I love my blog. And I also love tweaking it from time to time.

October 25, 2011

Is It Just Me?

Is it just me or is this week dragging ass? I don't know if it's because last week was so fucked up or what, but it feels like it should be later in the week than Tuesday. I've heard some people at work say the same thing. So I guess it's not just me, but still it's really, really weird. It's like I've lost a couple of days or maybe gained them, depending on how you want to look at it.

I was talking to one of my coworkers today who is a really nice lady. She's in a different department than I am, but they intertwine sometimes so I see her quite a bit. She told me that she's thinking about leaving the company. It seems like quite a few people are thinking that. It's not so much the job or anything, it's the commute more than anything with the people I've talked to. Ever since the company moved more and more people have been leaving due to the commute. It's not like it's hours upon hours away, but there is no bus line and in the winter it gets pretty nasty out there. Me? I wouldn't mind finding a job closer to home, preferably on a bus line just in case.

But right now is not a good time to go looking for a new job. The holidays are coming up and I don't really have the time to be taking off work to do interviews and what not. But at least when the time comes, I can be picky about it.

Wow. I still am really having a hard time remembering it's Tuesday. My brain keeps telling me it's Thursday; the lying bitch.

I had a soda and two cups of coffee this morning and not even that was enough to kick start my brain fully. Then again, today was extremely overcast so I'm sure that didn't help. It was one of those days where it's kind of crummy outside and you just feel like being at home in your comfy clothes or your pajamas or whatever and just basically do nothing.

Hopefully tomorrow isn't as rough in that aspect.

October 23, 2011

More Than Love

I'm not sure if some people would guess at this but I enjoy reading Edgar Allan Poe's work. He was a dark romantic, in my mind. His wording can be so beautiful and yet so cryptic at the same time. My favorite poem by him is Annabel Lee. Yes, I created a page simply for that poem. I want to be able to just read it or look at it whenever I want to. What better way than to create a page for it? Plus, some other people may enjoy it as well; or at least I hope some of you do. I'm not sure if I should type a description underneath. Like why I love the poem, what it means to me, some facts regarding the poem and Edgar Allan Poe. I'm just not sure if it would ruin the page. What do you guys think?

This is going to sound weird, but the poem actually makes me think of our marriage, our connections, our love. Master and I have so many different aspects to our relationship that are constantly flowing into one another. It's this endless dance. The friendship, the marriage, the dynamic. It all has to be able to mesh well in order for it to work and so we don't get tripped up one while role we're "supposed" to be in at one point or another. Which is why the line that says "We loved with a love that was more than love" really sticks out to me. Hell, I have one of those mouse pads at work where you can slip a picture into it and what not. What did I do? I printed off that quote and put it in there.

We aren't perfect and it's not like we're never pissed at one another; believe me it does happen. I don't know how much that comes across in my blog, but it's there. Regardless of that we are happily married. We're in it for the long haul.

I know this is going to seem off topic, but it's really not.

Master and I have been watching a lot of LA Ink lately, which has both of us really craving new tattoos. I've decided I still need to rethink exactly how I want the one I've been wanting for 8 years done. It's a very special thing and at first I thought I knew how I wanted it, but now I'm thinking it's going to be too busy, as it's an addition to the first tattoo I ever got. It's not that I'm never going to get it done, it's just that I have to rethink that layout of it.

A few nights ago Master and I were just sitting up talking about tattoos and I was telling Him how I'm rethinking this one and He agreed. Then He said something that I never thought I'd hear.

For some background, we have been talking for a few years now about how we want to get tattoos that represent one another and our commitment to each other. We don't want to just get each other's name. Master doesn't like His full name so I originally thought about just getting His initials but we couldn't figure out how it would look best. Master didn't know how He wanted to represent me either. I mean, we already kind of have matching tattoos. They mean different things but they look very similar. And I also have the word slave in enochian as an arm wrap, but we wanted something more. (Plus we're both addicted to tattoos, so why not.)

Last night He told me that He's actually thinking about getting my portrait done. *insert shocked face here* It's not that I don't find it incredibly sweet and a really big showing of His commitment to me, it's just that He has always said He doesn't really like portrait tattoos. I mean He had really thought this out. He took me over to the computer and showed me a few photos of me that He has in His collection that He had narrowed it down to. He even asked me my opinion on which picture He should use.

I don't know if it'll happen or not. This is the spot that Master has been going back and forth on as far as what He wants to put there; but I still think that the thought itself is sweet.

Well, as we were watching the show tonight a light bulb went off in my head. To represent Him and our marriage as a tattoo, and since I absolutely love that poem and have for a very long time, why not just get that line of the poem done. I just want the words themselves, in a very elegant script, wrapping around my wrist like a ribbon. No actual ribbon or banner, just the words. Like it would begin a few inches off my wrist and wrap around to end at my wrist, with the last "love" to end up on the front of my wrist. I think it's a really different idea, since when I see most tattoos that have script that wraps done they have some kind of banner. I just want the words. Nice, simple, elegant and yet it would represent so much. It would be a conversation piece as well, not only because of the positioning but because I'm sure people would ask what it meant. I could tell them about our marriage, about Him, about the poem and the poet.

I think it would be absolutely wonderful. Although with script I know I'll be super careful because the last thing I need is for something to be misspelled on my body. I'd have to go over it like five times once the stencil was made and I'd have Master look it over. Yes, I'm paranoid enough to do that.

October 22, 2011

Long But Good Day

I got up at 6am and was at work by 7am. I was really hoping to get caught up on some things that had piled up on me. However, the vast majority of what I wanted to get done I couldn't because the website I use to get such things done was down for maintenance and there had been no announcement on that what-so-fucking-ever. That annoyed the hell out of me.

So I basically did bullshit work for five hours. All the time I missed is now made up and then some. Once I got out of work I drove down to my hometown. I visited with my grandfather for a while. I haven't seen him in quite some time. He's becoming some what of a shut in. He just wants to be with himself and his dog most of the time. The visit was both really nice, and really sad. It was great to catch up with him; but then certain things just broke my heart.

We started talking about family and he wandered over to his fireplace. On the mantle he has pictures all over the place. Some of them are older, like when my dad and uncle were little boys. This is where the sad part comes in. He started confusing the relationship from the person/people in the photograph to me. He called my nephews my sons. He called my grandmother (his wife) my aunt. He said that his son (my father) was his cousin. It was just really, really heart breaking. I didn't correct him. It felt awkward as it was and my grandfather is a very proud man. I felt it would have made it worse if I tried to correct him. When we had just been talking he got it all right. But when the photos came into it he suddenly was getting it wrong, but didn't seem confused at all. It was... uncomfortable. I don't like seeing him like this, but until they figure out what to do about his heart and possible pace maker I don't think it's going to improve. His heart is not pumping out enough blood and isn't doing it quickly enough, from what he said his doctors had told him.

Still though, it was great to see him. After that I visited my mother. She had some errands to run and she didn't have the car so she asked me to take her. I was more than happy to. We caught up a bit while I was driving us around. It was very relaxing.

After I dropped her back off I headed home. I got home around 4:30pm, so not too bad. Master and I had one errand to run when I got home. So we headed out and by the time we finally were in the door for good my shoulders were absolutely killing me. After we ate dinner Master was kind enough to work on my shoulders and now they are a bit numb and tingly feeling. I'm going to take that as a good sign. I'm surprised I haven't totally crashed yet. I didn't get a lot of sleep last night and I've been up since 6am. Hopefully I won't crash and burn later. I'm hoping to just be able to relax and go to bed because I'm ready to, rather than my body shutting down and forcing me to go lay down.

October 21, 2011

Running Around Like A Chicken With My Head Cut Off

Seriously. This is becoming a pattern here. I did it Tuesday night and I did it again tonight; and will again tomorrow.

Today I got up at 6:30am and headed out to work. I worked a little over eight hours. I had made arrangements so that I could get the tires done tonight rather than on Saturday. I didn't feel comfortable with doing that much running on a spare. Not at all. Well, the person who is actually loaning the money couldn't get it to me any sooner than Saturday. Today I was talking to a family member and they said they would transfer the funds tonight, as long as I give them the money I am getting on Saturday. No biggie there.

As a result, when I got home tonight I stopped in for about 15 minutes to talk to Master and then got into our car and very slowly drove her to the tire place. I was worried about how long it would take since they didn't have any appointments and I was considered a walk in. I got there a little before 6pm. Surprisingly enough all four tires were changed out in a little over an hour. I got in the car and noticed how much higher I seemed to be sitting due to the new tires. Apparently the old ones were worse off than I realized.

I got home about 7:30pm. So a good thirteen hours after I left this morning. *sigh*

I ate dinner, Master and I watched some Netflix and I just got out of my bath.

Tomorrow is going to be another long day. I'm going to be at work at 7am and will be staying between 5 to 6 hours depending on where my hours sit when I walk in. I didn't bother double checking before I left, figuring I would have to come in either way tomorrow and 7am is the earliest I can entire the building. Once I get the hours I need in, I'll be running down to the person's house who is lending me the money, visit for a little bit and then run to the person's house who lent me the money in advance to give them the cash. I'll visit a little while and then finally I'll be able to come home. I probably won't be home until 4:30pm or 5pm.

So that's 90% of my Saturday. But it all needed to be done, so I can't complain too much. I'm just exhausted and I'm really glad that I have a three day weekend next week. Sunday we don't have anything going on, so at least I'll be able to be lazy on Sunday before starting the next work week.

Also, in blog related news, the comments are back on my pages finally.

October 20, 2011

I Don't Want To Talk About It

I don't want to talk about it. I really don't. It just seems that it's one thing after the next lately. But.. I guess I should at least give an overall outline of what is going on.

That one tire went out on Tuesday, which sucked ass. I had a used tire slapped on. Well today, another tire fucking died. Master put on the spare. We realized that the other two tires were probably going to die soon as well since they were all put on at the same time, about five years ago. Yes, I know that's old for a tire, which is why they are quitting on me now. I was hoping to have more time to try and scrape up little by little, but they decided not to go with my plan. Those bastards.

So, I am borrowing the money to get them done and will be paying it back in installments. The only problem is that I can't get the money until Saturday. Saturday is the day I have to go into work so we have enough money on the paycheck since I missed out last week Tuesday. So not only would I be going out to work and back on a spare, I would also be going down to pick up the money and come back up to the tire shop to finally get it all squared away. All on Saturday. And since I couldn't make an appointment for Saturday it' going to be a walk in, which means it's going to take forever.

I really wish I could skip out on work Saturday. But if I do that, I'll be missing about 5 hours on the paycheck which is a lot. I have no other way to work and back. I also have no other way of getting to the money and then back to the tire shop. I'm glad I called them ahead of time though because apparently the quote I got from them was wrong. They had selected the wrong tire size on the quote so it's actually more money than I thought. Of course it couldn't have been in my favor and have been cheaper. *sigh*

Yes, I know I said I didn't want to talk about it, but there is the overall picture. I'm tired, I'm stressed and I'm just fed up. Today has been one of those days where I just wanted to curl up into a ball, wrapped up in a blanket and just be. No thoughts, no distractions, simply just... being. It sounds nice. But apparently my weekend is going to be filled to the brim.

Saturday Checklist:
  • Get up early and take city streets to work.
  • Get caught up on all my work and then some.
  • Take city streets home.
  • Grab a few things and then take city streets down to my home town to pick up the cash.
  • Take city streets back up here to go to the tire shop.
  • Sit around and read while waiting for the car to be done.
  • Come home on all new tires and then sit the fuck down and relax as much as possible.
Thankfully Sunday there are no plans. But Saturday is going to be busy enough. Fucking hell.

October 19, 2011

Insert Witty Title Here

I know, not much for a post title, but seriously I just feel mentally drained today. In fact this is the first thinking related activity I've had since I got home from work. Master just let me fend for myself for dinner; I had cereal. And since then we've just been knocking out some episodes of LA Ink. By the way, I'm really hoping that on our tax returns in April we can afford to get some ink done. I've finally figured out how I want a tattoo done that I've been hemming and hawing over for about.. oh.. 7 years now. I just couldn't decide how I wanted it done, and it's not like I want to rush into a tattoo. I've never just gotten a tattoo that I only kind of liked. I'm stuck with it, so I'm going to love it.

I know Master also wants new ink as well. He is flipping between two different designs for His left forearm. He has a spider on His right one, now He wants something on the left. I'm sure He'll decide sooner or later, especially if He realizes that we'll have the money for it.

I've mentioned to Master that I think some of the stress is finally taking it's toll on me. I keep telling Him I look like hell. He assures me that I don't, but He's biased. I look paler than usual, which is saying something since I'm normally pretty pale. My hair doesn't seem as thick as it use to and I'm noticing more hair in the hairbrush. I don't think I'm going bald or anything.. it's like some fucked up form of stress shedding. I'm noticing every little scar and mark on my face. I don't wear foundation or anything, so it just seems more noticeable to me.

I'm sure I don't look as bad as I think I do. Master still tells me I'm beautiful and I look great. When I tell Him I think I look like hell He looks at me like I'm bat shit crazy. It's a good thing He loves me. It really is. I may have gone completely off the deep end by now without Him.

October 18, 2011

Good Samaritan Day

No, it's not a national holiday today or anything; at least not that I know of. All I know is that it seemed that way to me today.

Well my last post had to do with the stress of that one tire in the back but being able to make it home safely. Well, today the normal carpool driver drove so I didn't have to worry about it. But I checked the tire before I left for work anyway. It was fine.

I asked Master to check on it half way through the day. He said it looked a little low but other than that fine. Well, it could look a little low depending on how the tire is sitting, but I still got a bit nervous. When I got home, that tire was flat as flat can be. Son. Of. A. Bitch. I'm quietly telling myself that maybe I can just air it up long enough to make it to the tire repair shop. I limp her to the closest gas station and plunk my dollar in quarters into the stupid air machine. (Paying for air... ugh.) Sure as shit the tire won't inflate. So I go inside and ask for help. This one really nice employee offers to help me. He's older and a really sweet guy. He grabs a can of Fix A Flat and doesn't charge me for it. (Master and I go to this gas station constantly. It's extremely close to home and we like the people that work there. Added bonus.)

So he starts putting the fix a flat in and the tire pukes it all back out, over the rim. That's so not a good thing. Putting the spare on my car is a pain the the ass, seriously. The spare tire isn't exactly easy to get to. It's held in this undercarriage right below the would be trunk. (It's a hatch back.) We finally wrestle the spare out and thankfully my car has it's own jack and everything inside it. I offer to help but the employee, John, tells me that he can do it. He wasn't rude or anything. He told me that he didn't want me getting hurt or anything. So he changes the whole thing. I throw the flat tire into the back of the car (slamming my finger cause I'm a damn klutz) and thank him. He tells me it's no problem, that he doesn't mind helping nice customers. I gave him a hug and thanked him again. He told me that his doctor would have killed him if he saw him doing that. I asked why and he told me that he has a bad heart. *insert the time where my eyebrows meet my hair line* I said he should have told me I would have done more. He waves that away as if it was no big deal. I got his full name and will be calling corporate saying how he went above and beyond.

That's good samaritan number one.

I then drive the car to the tire repair shop. The manager comes out and takes a look at the one that had just been pulled off. He said that if fix a flat didn't work, it wasn't repairable. Fuck. Well, from the last time I had all the tires repaired I have had this one full size tire, no rim, just sitting in my trunk because the mechanics put it there. I showed him that and he said it wasn't brand spanking new but it only had about 5,000 miles on it. No big deal. Then he tells me that their corporate policy is that they cannot put used tires on. So I start getting nervous cause I can't afford a new tire. I tell him that I know I'm supposed to put two new ones on and I just can't afford that. He said that if I have that tire I had put on it wouldn't matter much, and that I could just save up for at least two new tires. I point out that he told me they can't.

He said, "I can't charge you for it. But I'll do it free of charge."

Holy shit! I must have seemed like a damsel in distress today. Two really nice things out of two really nice people. He put the tire I had on the rim and put it on for me. He filled up the rest of my tires as well.

I can't call corporate for this guy cause it was against store policy, so I must have said thank you like one hundred times. He just smiled and said it wasn't a problem.

So the car is just fine now. I have price quotes on two new tires and one for four tires just in case. Now I just have to get the money scraped together.

October 17, 2011

Tire Trouble, Kind Of

Certain things in my life are going swimmingly. Our marriage is great. Our dynamic is going well. Our animals are all healthy. Parts of my family and I are getting along great.

But.. then there is everything revolving around money. Yes, our finances are tight. I'm sure anyone reading this blog for more than a month knows that already; and is maybe even sick of hearing about it.

But today that damn subject came up again. We only have one car. Now where that saves a lot of money because there is only one car to put gas in, do oil changes on, etc. it also fucks you over if anything happens to said car.

As a result Master and I get nervous when we think something, anything, may be wrong with the car.

Well, today I drove our car to work as the driver in our car pool had taken the day off. No big deal. I check everything over just to be on the safe side. Everything was fine. I get myself and the other person in the carpool to work safely with nothing going wrong. Awesome.

I go on my lunch break and go outside to get some fresh air and I see that the back passenger wheel is flat. I'm like "What the fuck?"

I didn't want her sitting on her rim or anything, so I limped her to a local gas station and put air in it. It holds and everything is fine. I go back to work. The other person in the carpool asks if I want to leave early. Well, I already have eight hours to make-up between now and Sunday. So at first I was like nah. But then I started to worry about the tire and I said okay let's go. Fuck it. I'll just make that hour up as well.

I go outside and both of us check the tires. They all seemed fine. But just to play it safe I ask if he would mind playing navigator so we could take city streets home. I didn't want to run the risk of the tire blowing out or anything on the damn interstate. He agreed and off we went. Even though my job is one county over from us it was relatively easy to use the city streets. I didn't break 40mph. I was cautious as hell.

We get to his place, he hops out and says the tire still looks good before heading into his home. I drive to our place and get out of the car. I check all the tires and they seem fine.

But I know that sooner or later the car needs a new set of tires. It's just so damn expensive. That's why I freak out when a tire goes flat. I can't afford two tires right now damnit! (You put the two new ones on the front and take two of the best ones out of the original four and put those on the rear set.) Now, two tires don't sound like a lot but I don't want used tires, those always made me nervous when I got them before. They are used after all and they are a part of the whole safety while driving thing.

Master could tell I was stressing. He stood up and opened His arms, motioning for me to hug Him. I slide my hands under His outer shirt and hugged Him tight. He wrapped His arms around me and rubbed my back while He kissed the top of my head a few times.

I actually felt a lot better after that. I'm calmer now. However, both of us are going to keep a closer eye on the tires just to be on the safe side.

October 16, 2011

Now For The Full Story

Okay, now for me to fully explain the bullet points from my last post.

The visit with my dad's went better than I expected. So we didn't leave early.
Master and I left home at 5pm. We were supposed to be at my father's around 6pm. Since it was a Saturday we figured that the traffic would be worse than usual. We decided to take city streets rather than the interstate. It was a beautiful fall day so we thought the city streets would be nicer since we would be able to see all the changing trees, etc. That and it just sounded more relaxing.

Well, traffic wasn't as bad as we thought, and I was speeding a little bit. The normal 45 minute drive only took a half hour. Thankfully they were home when we showed up. However, my dad was mowing the lawn at the time. We apologized for being so early, but Dad said it was no big deal. He put away the lawn mower and we all went inside. Master and I sat on the couch. My dad's recliner was close to the couch and his girlfriend's was across the room. At least that much. My dad was more interactive than usual. He kept saying how happy he was that we came down. We sat around and talked, they were watching Storage Wars. We all commented on it but the conversation wasn't solely focused on that. We caught up a bit and he was telling us how he had sold one of his cars because he needed the money and the car had just been sitting around anyway. He sounded really sad about it, but since it hadn't moved in two years I just kind of brushed past that topic.

We stayed until almost 10pm. So as I said we didn't end up leaving early. His girlfriend pretty much stayed out of the conversation minus small comments here and there, none of which were a big deal. She wasn't incredibly annoying or anything like that. As a result, the visit was more relaxed than the last time we went down. When we decided it was time to leave we told my dad that we had to get back home to take care of the animals and what not. So both him and his girlfriend stood up to say goodbye. His girlfriend stood by the door and said it was good to see us. We didn't want to be overly rude so we just said thank you. We didn't hug her on our way out. His last girlfriend, who we really liked, we would hug when we left. But not this one. Like I said, we didn't want to be overly rude but that just seemed like if we had done it, it would have been fake as hell. So I skipped it. My dad gave me a big hug and then walked us out to our car. He continued talking, almost like he didn't want us to leave. This was heart warming. I gave him another big hug before I got in our car. I drove us home.

I still love my dad, very much, and the way he looks these days breaks my heart. He looks old. He's only 50 but he looks like life kicked him all over the street and into a brick wall a few times. His still has his long hair, but now a bald spot that continues to grow is taking over the back of his head. I know that's not unusual at his age, but it still looks kind of weird with his shoulder length hair. His hair and goatee have a lot more grey in it than the last time I saw him. He has also lost more weight. He told me that he hasn't been really hungry anymore and hasn't been eating a lot for dinner and the rest of the day he just kind of munches on small things. I told him he has to eat more and he nodded. I don't know if it's stress or what, but he looks unhealthy.

I'm kind of in a love/hate type relationship with my dad. I love him because he's my dad and sometimes I still see that man I remember from my childhood and young adult years. I hate some of the choices he has made and some of the things he does. I don't have as much respect for him as I use to.
Master gave me a great back rub, but now my entire lower back is tingling. I think I had a pinched nerve or something.
At some point after we got home I asked if Master would be willing to work on my back. Since He has been on medication I haven't wanted to ask because I knew He was in pain. So I didn't ask, no matter how tense I was. Last night though my lower back, right above the hip line, was really bothering me. Master said He would after whatever we were watching on Netflix was over with. Once that was done He had me go to the bedroom and lay down. He gave me a very long back rub. He used just the right amount of pressure. Once it was done my lower back was tingling, so He must have gotten something to loosen up. And today it's not bothering me at all. 

Master got a long distance call from a friend that He hasn't heard from in a long time.
 Master had a falling out with a friend, PA, about six years ago. I won't go into all the why and how. Well PA had moved down to Florida during this period of time. The only reason Master knew about it was because BC is a mutual friend (who lives in the next county down from us) and when the move happened He felt the need to tell Master.

While I was taking my bath the phone rang. It was almost 11pm so it kind of freaked me out that the phone was ringing. Master walks into the bathroom with the phone and reads off the area code. Neither of us recognized the area code, let alone the full number. No name showed up on the caller ID.  I just told Master He should probably answer it anyway, given the time. I didn't know if there had been an accident or something and that was why we didn't know the number. I was done with my bath anyway and had just been enjoying the hot water, so I got out wondering what the fuck was going on.

Needless to say Master answered the phone. The person on the other end basically said, "Hey! This is someone you know in Florida!"

I heard that part because the person on the other end had talked rather loudly. Master said, "I only know two people in Florida and you don't sound like JO.... Holy shit!"

That's right, it was PA. He said that he had been sitting around drinking with a friend from up here that Master use to hang with because he was PA's friend and started talking about old times. (The friend had moved down to Florida just because PA had.) Apparently while they were talking about old times Master's name came up so they decided to look Him up. We had changed our phone number, so He found Master on an online phone directory, probably White Pages.

The conversation was rather surreal for Master, but pleasant. They caught up. Master told Him that we got married, what has been going on and things about mutual friends that still live up here and Master is still talking to.

The weirdest part? PA asked if we would be interested in coming down for the holidays. *blink blink* That was out of left field. Pay to go down to Florida to be with someone Master hasn't talked to in six years sounded really weird to me. Master politely declined stating finances and what not. PA understood. He gave Master his e-mail and phone number. After they were off the phone Master had this whiskey tango foxtrot look on His face. He told me about the entire conversation. I just nodded my head in agreement that it was really weird. The whole why now type thought line. But people from Master's past just seem to pop out of nowhere sometimes; it always surprises both of us. You would think we'd be used to it by now, but we're not. Master said He would e-mail PA to see where it went and whether or not it would remain pleasant.

I'm going to call the eye doctor tomorrow to look into contacts. I only wear glasses when I'm reading or whatever, but I'm starting to suspect I may need them all the time sooner rather than later. I hate wearing glasses, so I'm going to look into how expensive contacts would be.
I wear glasses when I'm at work since I'm on the computer and reading files for eight hours a day. Master also has me wear them when I'm on the computer to do my post. Other than that He doesn't really care if I'm wearing them or not. But last time while I was driving home I realized that I couldn't ready the street signs without them being blurry until I was almost right on top of them. I tried calling the eye doctor I've gone to in the past today but apparently they are closed. I don't want to wear glasses all the time. I don't even really know if I do need them all the time. But I figure if I go in for an appointment to get my eyes checked out and they tell me I do need them all the time the first thing I'm going to bring up are contacts. Call it me vanity but I just do not, under any circumstances, what to wear glasses all the time. I know the contacts would probably be expensive, especially since I have an astigmatism in my left eye. If they are too pricy, then of course I would just bite the bullet and wear the damn glasses, but it wouldn't be my first choice.

Well, that covers the bullet points. Today Master and I are going grocery shopping and the rest of the day will most likely be spent relaxing. I may do another post later, I may not. But at least I got this one done.

Check In

This won't be a long post. When we got home at 10:30pm Master said I could skip my daily blog post. And while this technically isn't Saturday anymore, I thought I'd hop on and do a quick one.

I'm tired as hell and my eyes aren't focusing the greatest right now, so forgive any typos.

I'll just leave a little "grocery list" for my post tomorrow. Partially as an update, and partially so I don't forget to bring key points up.

  • The visit with my dad's went better than I expected. So we didn't leave early.
  • Master gave me a great back rub, but now my entire lower back is tingling. I think I had a pinched nerve or something.
  • Master got a long distance call from a friend that He hasn't heard from in a long time.
  • I'm going to call the eye doctor tomorrow to look into contacts. I only wear glasses when I'm reading or whatever, but I'm starting to suspect I may need them all the time sooner rather than later. I hate wearing glasses, so I'm going to look into how expensive contacts would be.
And that's about it for now. More details tomorrow. 

October 14, 2011

Entertaining Myself

Well, it's almost 11pm on a Friday night. I actually tried to lay down and take a nap earlier but I couldn't fall asleep, oddly enough.

Master, on the other hand, has gone to bed. He is still on the prescriptions he received at His emergency room visit. They make Him extremely drowsy and they finally caught up with Him today.

So, for a change, He is sleeping while I am wide awake. I don't know if I hit some kind of second wind or what. Although I do plan on trying to lay down to sleep in a little while. In the mean time I am trying to busy myself. It's weird as hell. Normally I'm the one who asks to go to bed and Master stays up. Either that, or we both decide it's a good time to get some sleep. So what do I do? I come on here to ramble on about absolutely nothing. I apologize.

In case anyone has checked any of my pages (such as the pictures page) I just wanted to let you all know that I have not deleted any comments or blocked anyone from commenting. I also have not removed the ability to post a comment on my pages. Apparently it's a known issue with Blogger and hopefully it'll be fixed soon. Whenever I try to correct it, it simply reverts back to not allowing comments on the pages. I really do hope that it's fixed soon. It's annoying.

I also know that the "reactions" that I had at the end of each post are no longer available. That is not due to any kind of issue with Blogger; it's simply something that apparently this theme does not have enabled. I went through the coding and I don't see a way of fixing that. To me it's not that huge of a deal, so it doesn't bother me.

What else can I ramble on about? Oh! My dad told me last night that he was going to call me today to set up a time for us to come down on Saturday. He said he would call around 6pm. So I waited. I waited some more. And then I finally got tired of waiting and I called his place. No answer. I left a voice mail and waited for his call again. I ended up calling three other times thinking that maybe he was outside or something, but he never picked up. Now while I know that my relationship with my father is strained at the moment, I was trying to give him the benefit of the doubt. But when the clock hit 8:30pm I was more than a little annoyed. I told Master that if he didn't call back I was going to be pissed.

But he did call back; at 9pm. He said that he was sorry he hadn't called sooner but he had forgotten they had errands to run. I personally don't run errands until 9pm at night, but whatever. He still sounds excited about seeing us, so at least that much. I already told Master that if I end up getting pissed off, we're just going to leave. Damn the 45 minute drive. I highly doubt it would be my father pissing me off. I think his dimwit of a girlfriend will, probably without even realizing it. It sounds stupid but she obviously does not like the fact that my father had a life before her. She gets weird around my brother and I. And if we bring up our mother in passing she gets really tense and moves closer to my father or tries to drag his attention to her. He was 49 years old when they met. Apparently at 49 you aren't supposed to have ever experienced anything before meeting her.

I'm going to attempt to go tomorrow without any preconceived notions of what is going to happen. I'm also going to try to walk in without any of my defenses up. I want to walk in in a good mood and leave in a good mood. That's all I want. Hopefully it happens.

Sometimes I hate the fact that I type fast. It hasn't taken me much time at all to type that much. Damn my typing skills! The last time I was tested on my typing I hit 80wpm. I don't remember the accuracy rate. I know I fuck up on words or phrases here, but when I'm at work it's pretty spot on. It has to be with the information I'm working with.

Like I said, I'm just rambling.

I already took my nightly dose of happy pills, as Master and I call them. They aren't really happy pills. They don't make me see the world through rose colored glasses or anything like that. They are both mood stabilizers. Ever since I was put on the second medication I've felt worlds better. I haven't cycled hard at all. I have had some "mini cycles" but it's just something where I get a little hyper or a little mopey or a little aggravated. That's about the worst of it. Trust me, it's a hell of a lot better than before I was on medication at all. It seems that we finally found the correct mixture of medications and their doses that work well for me. That makes me extremely happy and I'm sure is a huge sigh of relief for Master. I'm also glad my shrink gave me a savings card for the second medication. I have health insurance but even with that the copay is a bit high. I have a feeling that's because it's an extended release medication. That is also probably why I am in much better control of my emotions. I still feel everything and if I have cause I can get pissed off, or extremely sad. But the random flips of one mood to another is a thing of the past. Yay!

Okay. I think I'm out of stuff to babble about. I'm still not tired though. So I guess I'll just browse the net until I'm ready to fall asleep.

Ping Pong Ball

I'm waiting to crash. I felt like a ping pong ball today.

The driver of the carpool I'm in had the day off. As a result, I had to drive today. It wasn't a big deal or anything, but since I have to make up eight hours of work I left an hour early. So on the one side I got an extra hour of work in, which is a good thing. On the other hand, getting up an hour earlier than usual fucking sucks.

When I got home from work I immediately had to leave again. I needed to renew our license plates so that meant going to the DMV. I know you can pay them online or through the mail, but mine were extremely close to being expired so I didn't want to be pulled over for expired tags while I'm waiting for the damn sticker. Since it was the DMV, it took forever. Finally I get up to the counter and hand the lady my paperwork.

Normally this would be the end of it. But oh no, of course not, that would be too easy. It turns out that when I changed my name on my driver's license damn near five years ago, it didn't update in the rest of the system. So of course it came up as my maiden name. It was weird hearing it said out loud for the first time in almost five years. It took me a minute to react. So she asks for my license not once, not twice, but three times.

Each time she would hand it back to me and I would put it away thinking she gave it back because she was done with it. But she kept fucking up so she needed it back. After about fifteen minutes she gets the system to recognize my married name. I hand her the money, I get my change, my updated registration and of course the sticker. Paying that much for a piece of paper and a small sticker just seems wrong.

So I get out of the DMV and decide to get some of the smaller errands out of the way since they are on my way home. I hit the grocery store to buy soda. After that I stop by another store and pick up two coffee mugs that I really like, garbage bags and hydrocortizone. Odd combo I know.

Finally I was able to stop back home. As I walked in the door I realized we wanted to get one more errand done today. Fuck. So Master and I get back in the car. The place we need to get to is about a half hour away. Once we're done with that errand and come home, I get comfortable. Master asks what I want to do for dinner. I was starving as I hadn't had anything to eat today and we need to go grocery shopping. So I said fuck it, got dressed once more, ran to McDonald's and finally I was able to stay home and relax. All told it was about 12 hours from the time I left this morning to go to work and when I was home and able to stay home.

So yeah, I'm waiting for the moment when I just can't keep my eyes open and take a nap. Then again, normally on the Fridays that I get out at noon I end up taking a short nap so I can stay up later.


I just wanted to type up an extremely short and quick post.

I had gone to bed around 10:30pm as I needed to get some sleep before Master woke me in order for me to take my pills. And while I was laying there waiting to drift off to sleep I found myself thinking of my blog and it's beautiful new layout, that to me is worlds better than the last one as the text is on a white background rather than a black/gray one.

Anyway, I had suddenly realized that because I much prefer my new layout, and am extremely happy with it, I knew I wanted to write more posts, and longer ones. Weird.

October 13, 2011

Scatter Brain

I don't really want to talk about work today. I will say that I am mostly caught up, and I'll leave it at that.

I find myself a bit scatter brained today. My thoughts are flipping from here to there. I'm not cycling or anything like that. It's just that I'm thinking about things that have to be done, things I want to be done and things that I want period.

This paycheck is a little higher than usual, thankfully. As a result we can easily pay all of our bills and still have money left over after all the mundane things such as groceries, things for the animals, etc.

Part of me wants to buy another pair of heels. I know that I just got a new pair not that long ago and quite honestly I haven't worn them that often. The reason for that though is because they are suede and I haven't been all too sure about the weather. The last thing I want is to ruin a brand new pair of heels simply because it's raining. Maybe if I can find another pair on sale I'll buy them; maybe not.

I do know that we have some things to buy around the apartment that we have been meaning to replace for a while. So I want to knock some of those out. They aren't anything major and they are incredibly boring. A new shower curtain. A new bath mat. Things like that.

I have also found myself looking at blog themes again. Not that I really want to change it again but if something strikes my fancy, I might. I just like browsing them. It feeds my nerd side, even if I don't do anything but browse.

I called my dad today. I haven't seen him in about 6 months. This may sound horrible, but a large part of that is because we don't like his current girlfriend. I know, it sounds really bad. It doesn't help that my dad has changed quite a bit. But I called him today and asked what he was doing Saturday. He was really excited about it and said that he'll call me once he gets home from work and his errands so we can head on down. He kept saying that he couldn't wait to see us. I know he misses us, and that he loves us. I love him. He's my dad. But I find myself not as... connected to him as I once was. I was a Daddy's Girl until about two years ago.

So Saturday ought to be interesting.


Okay, I lied. Obviously I did change my blog theme. It's pretty! And it's not as dark, the text isn't as small... etc.

October 12, 2011

Not The Good Kind Of Pain

Work was painful today. I knew that by taking yesterday off I was going to be swamped today; I just didn't know it was going to be this bad. I tried my best to get caught up, and for the most part I did. The work just kept piling up though. As soon as one thing was done, two more things were slammed onto my desk.

Apparently my body is deciding to tell me that it didn't like how hectic today was. It also didn't like the fact that I was running around like a fool and couldn't get comfortable in my chair.

So, lets see here...

  • My lower back is stiff and sore.
  • My shoulders are still throbbing a bit.
  • My left ankle and calf hurt. 
  • In fact the calf is having small spasms on and off.
  • My headache is just now going away fully.

And guess what? I get to do it all over again tomorrow! Whoo-hoo!

I have 8 hours of work I need to make up for my paycheck. So I'll be clocking in as soon as I get to work rather than grabbing coffee or whatever first and cutting my lunches short. I can't stay late due to the carpool. Even with all that over the rest of this week and all next week I don't think I'll be at the 8 hour mark. So I may have to go work next Saturday.

But all that matters is that Master is okay and I was able to do what had to be done. I know I'm sore and that I'm behind in work but it doesn't matter. I took care of Master and that is a lot more important.

October 11, 2011

ER Visit

For the past week Master has been complaining about tightness in His chest and ribs. He has also been complaining about partial loss of sensation in His fingertips and the balls of His feet. I was worried, but He insisted it would go away and there was nothing to worry about. So, I shut my mouth and waited. Yesterday He told me that it was getting worse, especially on His left side.

Anything related to the left side of the body worries the hell out of me so I insisted that we take Him to the ER. He agreed. So as soon as I got home from work we hopped in the car and off to the ER we went. It took forever like ER trips normally do. I hadn't had anything to eat all day. So while we were sitting in the waiting room for a good half hour Master told me to go home and grab something to eat. So I drove home, grabbed some cookies and a soda. I took care of the animals since we had no idea what time we'd be back home and it was already 8:30pm. Once all that was done I went back to the hospital. I know I should have grabbed something more than cookies but I didn't want to sit down and have a full meal while He was in the ER.

By the time I got back they finally had Him in a room. We watched TV until the doctor came in. She did a sensory test by putting one or two sticks basically against His fingers and asked Him how many were touching Him. Most of His fingers He got it right. However, the middle finger on both hands He got it wrong. So the doctor was kind of stumped. They drew blood, took a chest x-ray and ran an EKG.

Everything came back normal, which is a good thing but didn't answer any questions. Like I said the doctor was stumped. She gave Him pain killers and a muscle relaxer prescription and sent Him home. She did say that she would be sending us a referral letter for clinics around here that will take people who don't have health insurance and bill on a sliding scale based on income. She is sending us this letter in case the partial loss of sensation continues.

I have health insurance through my job, but I couldn't afford to put Him on it as it would be an extra $200 a month and we just don't have it. It makes me feel guilty, it really does, but if we were to do that we wouldn't be able to afford our monthly bills. We are already living paycheck to paycheck so we're stuck between a rock and a hard place.

We didn't have the money for the prescriptions until Friday; as I said we're living paycheck to paycheck and the next one doesn't hit until Friday. Well, I had called His mother last night while we were still in the ER because I had some questions for her regarding family medical history. I needed the information to give to the doctor. When we got out of the ER a little after midnight I called His mom again, as she had made me promise I would, and told her what had happened. I explained everything and told her we'd have to wait until Friday to fill the prescriptions. She told me to find out how much they would cost when I go to the pharmacy in the morning (today) and give her a call. I had taken today off of work because of how late we got home and since we hadn't eaten dinner we had to do that and then I couldn't fall asleep right away. I knew that if I went into work I would be falling asleep at my desk and the whole medication thing wouldn't be figured out until I got home.

So I did exactly that. I found out the amount and called her back. She's a good 40 minutes away. She said she would pay for the prescriptions. She told me to call the pharmacy and see if they would allow her to pay for them over the phone by using her credit card. They said they won't do that. She said she could stop by after she got out of work but then Master wouldn't have the medication until about 7pm tonight. After that she asked if I could drive down to her job, pick up the card, get the meds and then drive back down to give her the card back.

That is a lot of driving but I agreed, of course, so Master wouldn't have to wait any longer than usual. So I take the 40 minute drive to pick up the card. I drove all the way back home to get the medications. I had dropped off the prescriptions before I left so that they would be filled by the time I got back. Well apparently some dumb ass forgot to put them in the system. I had been gone for a little over an hour and now had to wait an extra half hour at the store, waiting on the damn things.

So I wait, and wait, and wait some more. Finally they call me up and I paid for them. I then drove down the block to give Master the medications. I took a quick 5 minute breather and grabbed a soda. After I that I took the 40 minute drive back to my mother-in-law's job and gave her the card back. I thanked her again and she told me that it was no problem at all and that we didn't have to pay her back. Rock on.

Another 40 minute drive home and I was exhausted. I had started all this at 10am and wasn't done until 2:30pm. I felt like a ping pong ball. Since that point I've been worn out and just relaxing as much as I can. Master says that the medication is helping, thank Gods.

I swear that my Husband is some kind of medical oddity. When an ER doctor is looking at Him going, "What. The. Fuck." when they are trying to figure out what's going on, you know that it's weird. Hopefully the medication does the trick and the sensation comes back fully once His chest and ribs fully relax. I don't even know if those two things being related is possibly, but hey... I can hope.

P.S. - Since I missed today from work I have to make up 8 hours between tomorrow and next week Friday so that my paycheck isn't short. I have a feeling I'm going to be exhausted until next weekend. 

October 9, 2011


For the past week Master and I have not been connecting on a lot of levels. It's not that we've been pissed off with one another or anything like that. It's just that between His back killing Him, me being exhausted from work and other forms of stress by the time either of us have time to just try and relax we're in zombie mode.

We've been talking and all that and saying I love you and hugging and what not. But we've both been so out of it that aside from that not a lot was going on.

Well today we broke that. Master and I had spent most of the day just lounging about. We weren't doing anything in particular. Then Master looked at me and asked me what I wanted to do. I answered with, "Do You wanna fool around?"

He said sure and off to the bedroom we went! I know, it sounds so romantic. *laughs* But honestly, sometimes that's what happens. One of us is horny and asks the other if they are too; based on that reaction we either we go to the bedroom or we wait until later.

This time it was the bedroom!

Master's back is still bothering Him so He laid on His back and I cuddled up next to Him, stroking His cock while resting my head on His shoulder. He traced lines up and down my spine, sometimes resting His hand on my hip. It may not sound all that exciting but I find it to be. It doesn't always have to be rough and demanding. Sometimes that slow build up is just what I need.

I got to rest my head on His shoulder and chest while my fingers and hand danced around His cock and played with His balls. I could hear His heartbeat quicken. I felt His fingers tense and then release while He stroked my back. I heard the low noises He made, in pleasure, as He would gently rest His chin on the top of my head.

It was wonderful. Eventually I sat up and settled in between His legs while I sucked His cock. Honestly, I didn't do that for very long as I was incredibly horny. I moved up the length of Him and laid on top of Him. His cock entered me and I bucked my hips gently, while still laying on top of Him. I didn't want to sit up just yet. It felt too good.

He groaned and told me how wet and hot my cunt was. It was at that time that I couldn't help but sit up and watch as He rolled His head to the side and bucked His hips up as He growled.

I started off slow, which was honestly difficult. He raised His left hand to play with my tits and kept a tight grip on my hip with His other hand. I tried to continue to go slowly. It was becoming more difficult. Finally I couldn't help myself and rode Him hard and fast. As my orgasm built I felt His started as well. It caused me to buck harder, to roll my hips more. As my orgasm started to peak Master's filled me. Our own orgasms seemed to make the other's orgasm last longer. It was an odd, yet interesting, cause and effect.

When we were both done, I collapsed on top of Him and rested. It was incredible and the perfect way to reconnect.

October 8, 2011


I went down to visit my mother today. Master's back was bothering Him so He stayed home. My stomach really hadn't totally made up it's mind yet but my mother and I had planned this since last week. That and the fact that I actually enjoy spending time with my mom.

Apparently that's a rare thing.

So I drove down, which seemed to take forever since I got behind at least three cars that wanted to do five under the speed limit. Fuckers. It's already a 45 minute drive for fuck's sake. But eventually I got there and we sat and talked for a while. We went out for a quick lunch and then I went grocery shopping with her. My mother is the coupon queen so it's always interesting to see how much money she can knock off the total. It sounds odd to go visit someone and go grocery shopping with them, I know, but we talk and have a good time while we're going around the store. We've done that since I was a teenager.

We then went back to her home and relaxed for a little while longer. But then I started to not feel all that great. I wasn't sick or anything I just wasn't feeling the best. Unfortunately it was a short visit. The next one will be longer and hopefully my body will leave me the hell alone during it.

Since then I've been home and relaxing with Master. Mostly Netflix, talking and just enjoying the day off. Not a lot of excitement or anything, but that's okay with me. After how I felt last night and how this past week has gone, I didn't want a lot of excitement.

October 7, 2011

Well That Sucked

Last night was not my night apparently. And today was not my day.

Yesterday evening went fine. I was tired and worn out but aside from that I was good. I didn't feel sick at all. I just wanted to relax and then go to bed. Well, I ended up staying up until midnight because Master allowed me to stay up to watch Netflix with Him. (New episodes of Lie To Me were uploaded. Rock on.)

At midnight Master ordered me to go to bed. So I went to the bedroom and crashed shortly there after. I felt fine. I don't know why but I woke up at 3:00am and at first all I knew was that I had to use the bathroom. I was in that half asleep zombie like state as I stumbled to the bathroom. As soon as I was done and had flushed I suddenly realized I felt extremely nauseous. And that feeling hit me like a ton of bricks.

Sure enough I threw up. I was no longer in the half asleep fog; I was wide the fuck awake and I felt like absolute hell. Apparently I was loud enough that it woke up Master. I was shaking and had stood up to brush my teeth when Master showed up at the door and asked if I was okay. I told Him that I did not feel well at all and I had no idea why. I finished brushing my teeth and then went into the kitchen to grab a glass of water. Master followed me. I get very shaky after I've thrown up. I'm hypoglycemic and I don't know if it's related or not but after I've been sick I start shaking like I'm shivering out in the cold.

Master then herded me back to bed. I laid down in bed again and tried to go back to sleep. It took me a little while because I wasn't sure if I was done or not. Apparently I was because I was able to drift back off to sleep. I then had to get up at 6am. Ugh. Shoot me now. Normally, if I were to be sick like that before a work day I would take that day off of work. I was still nauseous when I woke up. But I don't have much time off left and we need the money on the paycheck so off to work I went.

I felt sick to my stomach until about 2:30pm. I didn't throw up again but I felt ill and was not enjoying my day at all.

When I got home I ate some dinner and watched some Netflix with Master. I must have dozed off on the couch because the next thing I know it's 9:30pm and Master is waking me up to take care of the dog.

I'm still tired. I don't know if I'll be staying up late or not. I feel better but when I feel like that I normally am tired as hell for about a day to a day in the half.

I think it may have been something I ate yesterday but I'm not sure. All I know is I don't have the flu or anything, so that's really the only explanation I can come up with.

October 6, 2011


The beginning of the month is normally the busiest at work. This month is no different unfortunately. Although this seems busier than normal. It feels like my brain is numb right now. My job is not very physically exhausting (although sometimes I get sore just from the way I have to sit or how many files I have to carry) but mentally? Holy hell. It can be one of the most boring jobs in the world when it's slow. During those times I want nothing more than to have something to do so that the time will go by more quickly.

This week? I don't feel like I have enough time to get everything done. Seriously. It blows goats. And of course our entire department is under overtime restriction. We can't do more than 3 hours of overtime in a pay period. I'm very close to going over that. So of course I have to slam as much as I can into the time I have to do it.

Today I am hoping that next week is better. I am honestly surprised I haven't crashed out before 10pm all week. Instead, I've had a touch of insomnia. Last night I didn't go to bed until midnight and even then Master had to order me to bed and I still had a hard time falling asleep. I think I tossed and turned for about a half hour.

Although there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I had originally thought that I wouldn't have an extended weekend until Thanksgiving. That has now changed. The driver of my car pool is taking off quite a bit of time recently. I've gone to work by taking our car and driving the other person in our carpool back and forth. No big deal. However, when she told me she was taking off October 28th I decided I would too. For no reason other than I could.

I've been busting my tail at work and doing my damn best to stay on top of everything, and that includes everything at home of course. So I decided I'm not waiting until fucking November. I'm getting a three day weekend before that! So take that!

October 5, 2011


It seems that lately nothing is really going the way I would like it to. Either it's not happening at all or it's not happening fast enough. It's one of those two things.

Finances are fucked until my next paycheck.

There are things that I would like to happen before said paycheck, but of course they all require money.

So, I have the next 8 days to get through before I can do anything about any of it.

Master is just as frustrated as I am, if not more so. Sometimes I wish I had that damn remote control from the movie "Click" with Adam Sandler and Christopher Walken. Every week would be paycheck week. Sometimes I really miss having a paycheck in my hand every week. It was easier in one aspect, in so far as that I didn't have to wait so long in case I needed cash. On the other hand it was harder to budget for bills and what not.

Can't win for losing.

I can't bitch too much because we have a roof over our head, food to eat, food for the animals and some gas in the car. You know, the stuff you need. It's all the other stuff. Granted we may not need them but it's not like they are complete luxuries either. It's the small day to day stuff.

Yeah, yeah I know. We're not that bad off. There are plenty of people that are worse off than we are. And I understand that. It's just frustrating living paycheck to paycheck without really getting ahead.

October 4, 2011

Wanna Go For A Ride?

One of the things that I used to love doing was to just hop in the car and go for a drive. No purpose, no real destination, just get in the car and ride around for a while. Sometimes I did it out of boredom, sometimes I did it because I found it relaxing and then there were the times I did it because I was stressed or just had a lot on my mind.

I don't know why but when I'm stressed out of just want to try and roll things around in my head driving around was one of my favorite ways of doing it. I could blast music that fit my mood, roll down the windows... and just drive.

I don't know if other people did/do this as well, but I think I enjoy it or find it some what therapeutic is because my family did a lot of "joy rides" when I was growing up.

We went to car shows near and far, we drove around just to have a good time and then stop at Dairy Queen and get some ice cream before heading back home. It was something for us to do and we all enjoyed it. My dad is a bit of a car nut. Although not as much as he use to be. He once drove to Alabama to pick up a car he bought sight unseen. These days? Well, over the past five years he has sold two of his prized possessions. One was a 1958 Chevrolet Yeoman Wagon. That was the one he drove to Alabama for. He sold that about 5 years ago because he didn't have time to work on it anymore. Then he sold his Honda Goldwing, which wasn't one of his prized possessions but he had loved it at one point. And now... well now he just sold his 1963 Cadillac. Why? Because, again, he didn't really have time to work on it.

Me? I used to have a 1988 Oldsmobile Toronado. I loved that car. It was the first car I ever bought on my own. It seemed so futuristic to me at the time. The whole dash was electronic, all green. Your speed was in bright green numbers. The console was in the middle, which I loved. I just really loved that car. She died on me and it sucked. I remember being sad when I had to get rid of her. (Yes I believe cars have a gender. The Toronado was a girl.)

I would drive her all over the place simply because I wanted to go for a car ride.

Then I had my 1993 Ford Taurus. I didn't really care for the car. I didn't particularly want it, but it was what I could afford at the time. The head gasket blew on that car and the repair was more than I paid for the car itself, so I junked the bitch.

Now I have a 2001 PT Cruiser. I love her. She is awesome. Even Master loves the car. But I know that sooner rather than later we'll have to get a newer car. I'm hoping that we can actually get a car we want instead of one we have to settle for. We both would prefer another PT Cruiser. But I know we'll end up with what we end up with. It'll all depend on finances and timing.

I wish the gas prices were cheaper. I hopped in the car tonight shortly after I got home to run down to the store and do a quick errand. As soon as I got in the car a song I really love came on. For that brief moment it took me back to the times where I would just drive around simply because I wanted to, enjoying the car and the music. What I find odd though is that I was in the car for a total of maybe 15 minutes round trip.

I miss doing that. Master and I use to go for rides for no particular reason all the time. Then again gas was a lot cheaper back then. Damn gas prices.

October 3, 2011

Monday From Hell

Okay, so today fucking blew goats. I got up and it started off like any Monday. I woke up, wanted to stay in bed, got up anyway, got dressed, took the dog out and then waited for my ride to show up.

It just went down hill from there. There is a lot of construction on the interstate that is going on. Well, they ended up changing the traffic pattern yet again. The exit that we normally take to go to work has been a left exit forever. Well, in the city's divine wisdom they decided to make it a right exit now. *blinks* What the fuck?! Add to that the fact that it wasn't very clearly marked; or if it was it was marked before our on ramp. Either way we ended up going in the completely wrong direction and it took us a half hour to get back on track. Needless to say I was late to work.

I absolutely hate being late to work. It makes the rest of my day feel so damn rushed. My work day was overwhelming. I had things upon things upon things to accomplish. I tried asking my supervisor to let me do overtime over our allotted amount. He denied it saying, "Let me know what it looks like later in the week." Really?! Dude I'm drowning over here. So then I told him that, for today at least, I needed help. This is my first time in this department (over a year now) that I've ever asked for someone to help me to lighten my load. Normally I'm the one helping others, asking for more work, etc. I bust my ass to make myself look good. Well apparently there was no way I could get any help because only one other person in the department knows how to do what I do, and she's the new girl.


Okay, whatever. Bad work day. I get out of work and go wait by the driver of the carpool's car. The other person in the carpool and I are waiting, and waiting, and waiting. Eventually she sent a text saying she was caught up on some project or other. We ended up waiting 20 minutes and finally she was out. I was late getting home.

So no one in the carpool had a good day.

I get home from work and I kick into docile mode. Sometimes when I've had a really bad day I slip into this docile mode. I guess it's my way of trying to relax when I'm extremely sore and just in a mentally beaten mood. As a result of my getting home late it feels like the night has been flying by, which means I'll want to break the alarm in half tomorrow morning.

October 2, 2011


I haven't had to write out sentences as a form of punishment for lesser offenses in a long time. I would say at least three years.

Sometimes Master has me run to the store for Him with His wallet or we'll be in the car and pull up to a gas station and He'll hand me His wallet. Either way I wind up with His wallet in my purse. Now some of you might say, "Why don't you just take the card instead of the whole wallet?"

I would answer that it just seems easier to both of us. Also, that way I don't get His bank card confused with the one I have in my pocket book. Well, when it comes to giving Master His wallet back it goes one of two ways. First, He still has His jeans on so I just hand it back to Him. No big deal. The other way is that we're at home and Master has taken His jeans off. Master and I are both pretty much nudists at home. Sometimes I'll grab one of His shirts or a robe. Master will either be nude or He'll be wearing His boxer briefs and possible a t-shirt.

During those times, where He doesn't have His pants on right that moment, it is my job to put His wallet back into His pants pocket. For the longest time I was at 50/50 odds or putting it back in the correct pocket. It always annoyed Master when it wound up in the incorrect pocket. For one, He says it feels weird because He's not use to His wallet being in that pocket. Secondly, if He isn't paying attention He might think He forgot or lost His wallet because it's not in the usual place.

Since I wasn't getting any better at putting His wallet in the correct pocket Master told me that He would tell me which pocket was correct one more time and after that I would have to write sentences regarding which pocket His wallet went into. It may seem trivial but as I said it annoyed Him and is one of more simplistic tasks that really there was no excuse for not doing it right.

So tonight we get home from going to visit His mother. I had Master's wallet in my purse since we had stopped at the gas station on the way home and He had me run inside. He had made it into the apartment first, but had slipped out of His jeans already. As a result it fell to me to put His wallet back. He sat there and watched me try and remember which was correct. Now, you may think it would be easy because He's right handed. But for some stupid reason I wasn't sure if that had anything to do with which pocket they went into because either way His keys go into the opposite front pocket.

I begged Him to tell me which was correct because I had a headache and couldn't remember right then. He chuckled and said no. He reminded me that I had been given my last warning the last time this happens. So there I am, staring at His jeans like an idiot with His wallet in my hand. Finally I put the wallet in His right back pocket and hoped for the best. Master got up, checked, and said "Damn, you ruined my fun."

I had put it in the correct pocket. Apparently Master was looking forward to giving me sentences to write out.

Little Help?

Okay, I've been trying to figure this out for a while now but can't seem to figure it out. I want to make it so that the "reactions" section of my blog has white text instead of black. Also, I want to figure out how to get the description of the blog to show up next to the blog title. Any suggestions, tips, or tricks would be appreciated!

October 1, 2011


Today has been an extremely lazy Saturday, so rather than type out a bunch of boring stuff I decided I would dig around on the submissive journal prompts website and go from there. 

Write out three of your favorite sexual fantasies.

Most of my fantasies are ones that will most likely never be fulfilled. It's either due to the fact that we'd get arrested if caught or the opportunity will probably never present itself.  So here we go.

  1. I have fantasized for a long time about Master and I going into a wooded area (preferably during the fall so there won't be so many damn bugs) and He would bind my wrists. Maybe He would tie them to a tree, or maybe He would just use them to pin me down with His hand. Perhaps He would use it like a very short leash and just move me around by them. Any of those scenarios sound hot to me. He would have a blanket with Him and throw it out on the ground and push me onto it. I would have a short skirt on and a tight but giving top. He would flip my skirt up so that it was bunched around my hips while He got me on all fours. He is already hard as He pulls His cock out and slams it into me. I think the hardest part would be keeping myself quiet. Maybe He would pin me to the ground by putting His hands on my shoulders as He continue to use me as His sex toy. Yes, I would love it if this scenario were to happen and I was not allowed to cum. He was just horny, in the woods, and decided that He was going to use my pussy as a masturbation sleeve basically. Yummy.
  2. The second one would be if we would go out to a bar or some kind of club that had tables and the lighting was always low; to the point that it was damn near pitch black. We would be sitting in the back of the club and we would be talking about whatever or drinking what we had ordered. There would be several people sitting at other tables very close by. The music would have a lot of bass to it and wouldn't be so loud that you couldn't hear other people talking. Master would grab my collar, pull my face close to His mouth. He would gently nip my ear and order me to get on my knees under the table and suck Him off. So there I would be, sucking His cock using all of my whorish tricks and Him sitting there, seemingly by Himself just enjoying His drink and the music. Not only would this be a public place where you might get caught doing something like that anyway, but there would be people literally in the booth next to us. 
  3. Okay, last one... And I already know it's going to sound silly. We would go to a drive-in movie theater. You know, the kind where all you do is park your car, turn on your radio and watch the movie after dark. Yeah, those. I know it wouldn't be possible in our current car but for some reason I picture us with a car where you can lay down in the back. Any kind of sexual interaction, sex, oral sex, mutual masturbation, etc would be just fine with me. I know that sound rather like a teenage scene or something, but I think I would love it. 
So there you go. If you want to share any of yours feel free to comment!