April 30, 2013

Skipped Spring

Well, summer weather has officially hit. It seems that we are skipping spring almost every year now. There was snow falling from the sky two or three weeks ago and today it was 87° outside today. What the fuck weather?! It really sucks when we seem to skip spring and fall. Fall is by far my favorite season.

If I could live somewhere where it was permanent fall, I would be very happy. Spring is my second favorite. It's like fall, but in reverse.

Since we have clients in the office all this week I have to dress nice. And the only sucky part of having to dress nice for work is the fact that when clients are there, they prefer that employees cover up their ink. They have no problem with your ink showing any other time, but when clients are there they want it covered up if possible. This means that I have to wear at least elbow length shirts. I don't mind, really. I love my ink and I don't regret getting any of them.

But when it's 87° outside and the office hasn't turned on the air conditioning yet it kind of sucks not being able to wear short sleeve shirts.I might as well get use to it though. I know once I find another job my ink will have to be covered every work day.

I really hope I find a new job soon though. I'm tired of all the wear and tear on the car. Not to mention the drive in general. And after that nice expensive car repair from last week, I am even more aware of how much wear and tear happens to the car every day. She's running really good now though. So at least that much.

April 29, 2013

Power Saving Mode

I fucking hate Mondays. Especially Mondays where I just got off an extended, unintentional, break from work. It seems that a lot happened those three days I was gone though.

Two of the coworkers in my department were fired. Both of them were fired on the same day, a half hour apart. Basically they called one girl in, told her, and then stood by her desk while she packed up her things. I can't imagine anything more embarrassing. Not only are you trying to keep your emotions under wraps, but now the place you've worked at for years wants to make sure you leave the premises without doing anything stupid so they stand there and hover over you while you pack up your personal belongings. I understand why they do it. Disgruntled employees and all that. But still, it has to be highly embarrassing.

And I guess as soon as she was out the door and the HR lady got back into her office she called the second girl in. She must have known what was coming if she just saw another woman get fired and then HR calls her into the office immediately after.

And you know the shit thing of it is? When an employer is going to fire you it isn't some split second decision. They know ahead of time. At our job you have to turn in your desk key and your key fob for the doors when you quit or are fired. Plus, they want you to get your stuff out. So I understand needing the person to be there when you fire them. It's not as easy as a phone call. But, rather than telling them the afternoon before, they waited until 9:30am the next morning. So now, not only are they unemployed but they just wasted a shit ton of gas (they both live over 45 minutes away) to come into work only to be fired and sent out the door after only an hour and a half of being clocked in.

I would have been livid. I wouldn't have been able to do anything about it, obviously, but I still would have been livid. Gas isn't fucking cheap and now you're telling me that I wasted how much of it for you to tell me that I will no longer be receiving a paycheck? Well fuck you too.

So, now I'm catching up on my work and since we are now down two people I'm working on some of their stuff too.

Needless to say it's been a very hectic day. I'm sore, I'm tired, and my brain is pretty much shut down to only necessary functions right now. It's on power saving mode. Tomorrow isn't going to be any better. And the passenger in my carpool kinda ticked me off. When I told him that I'll be heading out early again tomorrow to get to work about a half hour to forty-five minutes early he sounded annoyed about it. Oh fucking well. If I need to do overtime during the week by clocking in early I'm going to do it, whether you want to catch a ride with me or not. I'm sure in the hell not going to work on Saturday if I could have just as easily just gotten to work early every day all week. That just doesn't make sense. It's a waste of gas.

I understand he is slow on his work flow, but I'm not. And I'm the one driving. I use to be dropped off at work four fucking hours early just so I could get a ride to work from our friend BC. I started at noon and he started at 8am. So don't fucking gripe at me because you have to go to work a half hour early.

Yeah. I'm in a mood.

April 28, 2013

Dream Cars

I love cars. Older cars mainly. Don't get me wrong, I love our PT Cruiser. I really do. But one of the things that drew me to that car is the fact that it reminds me of some older cars as far as the body style goes.

My love of cars I have to blame/thank my father for. He took me to more car shows when I was growing up than I can remember. He's been doing that since I was about two years old. He's taken me with when he has bought cars. He helped me out when I went to look at my first car. That was another car I loved.

She was a silver 1988 Oldsmobile Toronado. I would still have that car today if I had the money to fix her at the time. But I didn't. So she had to go to the car graveyard. She just had too many problems and I was only 18 or 19 when she died on me. I simply didn't have that money.

Part of what sparked this in my mind is the fact that my dad is buying a hearse in a couple of weeks. I begged him to let me drive her when he gets her back here. He looked hesitant, only because she's going to be his new toy.

He let me drive his last hearse when I still had my learner's permit, so I know he'll let me drive the new one. Even if it takes him a while to agree to it. I shall win!

The other part is because Master and I found a car dealership type show. It's called South Beach Classics. It has so many beautiful cars on it. Master and I keep pointing out the ones we would love to own. They are cherry, plain and simple. If I could afford to own a cherry older car I would go out and buy one tomorrow. 

Like I said I love our PT, but my dream is to one day own an older car. How old? Late 70's at it's youngest. I love Monte Carlo, Roadrunner, GTO, Impala... almost any American made muscle car. I would love a jacked up, cherry, muscle car. Master says I would kill myself in it. I'd be fine! Honest!

Master loves Corvettes. I don't mind them but if I could get a classic muscle car like the ones I listed above, I'd be much happier.

April 27, 2013

Nothing At All

Went down to visit my dad today. I was right about the whole car thing. But, as I thought, I wasn't bitter about it. I'm happy for him. He has the whole trip planned and is leaving in about two weeks.

We stayed later than we intended to so the rest of the night has felt somewhat rushed. Not that it's a big deal or anything along those lines. I mean it's Saturday after all. I'm not looking forward to this upcoming week at all. Work is going to be hell. I'm going to be tired as fuck all week. Oh yes, it's going to be such fun. And I also know that I will be having to go to work earlier than usual to do it. Hopefully the passenger in the carpool doesn't bitch about it too much.

I don't know why but I don't really have anything to say tonight. Actually, I don't feel like I have a lot to say in general lately. That is, of course, unless it's a stressful situation that I need to vent about. And obviously there has been enough of those going on, unfortunately.

I don't know. I'm just kind of here tonight. I think I'm finally coming down from all of the anxiety. I wish I didn't get so worked up about shit, but there really isn't anything I can do about it. Especially since I feel that I've been doing pretty fucking well. Still sucks.

There just hasn't been a lot going on in my head lately aside from trying to make sure everything is taken care of, financially. I think it's heightened lately for two reasons. One, because I'm looking for a new job. Secondly, the whole car thing.. which is making me more anxious about finding a new job. So really, that's all that's been on my mind and I get sick of posting about it.

April 26, 2013

Deep Breath

The past two days have been absolutely hectic and stressful. I had been debating about whether or not I should go into work today. I had already told my supervisor and the carpool person that I wouldn't be, just to be on the safe side.

But since the car was done sooner than I thought it would be, I did have the option. But with all the stress and the fact that it was only going to be a four hour work day, not the mention the fact that I was exhausted and not feeling well from the anxiety I decided to stay home. Master agreed with my decision, which was the final nail in the coffin on staying home today.

I'm glad I did. I slept a lot. A lot more than I thought I would actually. When I get extremely stressed out I burn a lot of energy because I can't really calm down easily. It's not as bad as it was before I was on medication, but medicine is not a cure, so of course it's not going to work perfectly like that. Especially in situation like that.

I didn't get up until 8am, and that was only because the dog woke me up to take him outside. I stayed up for a little bit after that as I was not feeling well and then crashed on the couch for another two hours. I took another nap around 2pm, which was probably about a hour and a half long. The second nap was one of those things where Master and I were watching TV and I was comfortable. The next thing I know I'm waking up and wondering why it's so late.

Master had allowed me to sleep because He knows I need it.

My dad called me today. Apparently he decided to buy a hearse he found online and will be going out of state to pick it up in a couple of weeks. I'm happy for him. I really am, but it was one of those things where we just got slammed with a financial pinch that is crucial to my still being able to go to work and so there was really no way of putting it off... and my dad tells me he just bought a car that is not a day to day car. It's his money, I understand it was just... I don't know... bad timing I guess? I know that probably sounds bitter but it is what it is.

We will be going down there tomorrow to visit with him. I know he's going to be going on and on about the hearse. And like I said I'm happy for him and I honestly can't wait to see it. It's not like I'm mad at him or anything like that... I don't know. I guess it's just a little hard when you are going through a struggle like we are at this exact moment and so much stress and anxiety that it makes you ill, and you hear about someone buying a luxury item.

I'll be over this feeling by tomorrow. I know I will. I drove the car a little bit today while doing errands and I had a smile on my face. She drives so much better.

The other bad side about the car doing that on a Wednesday is the fact that I literally just got done with a planned five day break and now I had another one that was unintentional. I'm burning through my time off but it had to be done. And like I said, I could have gone in today but with how I was physically reacting to the situation I didn't feel up to it and Master agreed that it would be a good idea for me to stay home.

Now I'll have to save as much time off as I can for job interviews for jobs that are closer to home, which will hopefully happen soon.

April 25, 2013

Back At Home

Well today went a lot better than yesterday, although not entirely smoothly. I, of course, couldn't go to work today due to the car still being in the shop.

I called as soon as they opened and confirmed what the guesstimate was. They wanted the down payment before they could start on it. I took a stab in the dark and asked if I could make that payment over the phone so that I wouldn't have to scramble to find a ride that early in the morning and so I wouldn't have to sit down there until it was done. Much to my surprise she said that would be fine. Rock on. So she told me that she would call me later on in the morning to give me an update. And right around 10am she called to tell me that it was in fact what they thought it was so the price she had quoted me yesterday would in fact be the cost. It is still a pretty penny but it could have been so much worse.

I gave my verbal authorization over the phone for them to move forward with the repair. It was done around 2pm and she called me again to tell me that the work was all finished. I had her run the complete payment over the phone as well just so I knew it was taken care of while I tried to find a ride out there.

As soon as I got off the phone with the shop I called my neighbor who had picked me up yesterday. Surprisingly enough she was home and able to take me there. I was so happy! And the drive home in my car was so much smoother and went very well.

When I got home I got a text message from a family member who is a mechanic. He asked me how long it had been since I had a full transmission flush. I told him I honestly had no idea. So he told me to get one done as soon as possible.

Since I had that padding left over I called my normal shop and quoted me a price I could afford. So I asked when I could come in and they said if I left immediately they could sneak me in. So off I went again. I stayed down there while they worked on it. It took about an hour and a half. Then I was finally able to go home and stay there for the night.

I have to say that I am sore as hell from sitting in mechanic shops the past two days. The chairs, regardless of which shop, are not comfortable at all. Master worked on my back last night which made it feel a lot better but now that I spent another hour and a half in an uncomfortable chair, it's not feeling too hot. Plus stress makes me muscles tense up and when you have fibromyalgia, it really fucking sucks.

But the important thing is that it's all done and taken care of. Hopefully the car will behave herself for a nice long time.

April 24, 2013

Mother. Fucker.

Today started as any other work day would. I got up when the alarm went off. I got ready for the day and then got dressed. I left Master His usual morning note of how my mood is and then I took the dog out. Once I got the dog back inside I sent a text message to the passenger in my carpool to let him know that I was leaving so that he would be ready by the time I pulled up to his house.

After that? Things went south fast. And I mean fast. I got the in the car and started her up. No problem. I'm driving over to his place, which is literally five minutes away, and the car seems to be riding rough. Not just a little rough, but rough. And then out of no where the check engine light comes on with a loud beep and I'm staring down at it like what the fuck?!

Thankfully I wasn't far from his house so I pulled up, parked, and turned the car off. He gets in the car and says something I can't believe... "Wow. Your car is quiet."

I think I stared at him blankly for a good five seconds before I told him that the car was off. He of course asked me why and I told him what had happened. He asked me if he thought we could still make it to work. I said most likely not, no. It wasn't just the check engine light had come on. It's how the car was acting right before it went off.

So, he asked me if we could at least try. I said I would go a very short distance to see whether or not I felt comfortable. It took me less than four blocks to say no. I'm not going in today. I apologized to him and he said he understood, it's car troubles, etc. and so on. What floored me though was that while I was very carefully driving him back to his house he is on the phone with someone else to find a ride and in less than five minutes had found one.

Back when a different person was doing all the driving for the carpool there were of course times when she would at the last minute say no, she isn't going in. Well, it would almost always happen to be when I could either not take the car or did not have access to the car. So I would call him and ask him to let me know if he finds a way to work because I had no way of getting out there. He would say sure and then the next day I would find out that he just so happened to get a ride out there and back and just didn't tell me about it. That would piss me off. I took him on in my tiny carpool just because of the price of gas and it helps me with the gas costs. Other wise I would just go out there and back by myself. Aside from money, there is no joy in me taking him to and from work. He's not an asshole but shit like that just floors me and pisses me off.

Anyway, I again very carefully drive the car home and park her. I get back into the apartment and look up what time my mechanic opens. He didn't open until 8am, so I had to wait with knots in my stomach. I call as soon as the clock turns to 8am and the soonest they could get me in was noon. Fuck. But, I was lucky they could squeeze me in at all, so I was disappointed, anxious, and thankful all at the same time.

Master woke up about an hour after I got off the phone. He is on an almost entirely different schedule as me, so He wakes up later obviously. I didn't see the sense in waking Him up right away because there was nothing to do right then and there.

I tell Him everything and He gets knots in His stomach as well. Nothing but this sense of anxiety and dread all rolled into one. Finally it came time for me to leave and take the car to the mechanic. Master stayed home as we didn't both have to be there and I know more about cars than He does. So He prefers that I handle it. Makes sense and I agree with it.

I get down there and my car is throwing three codes. All of them involving my transmission. Oh joy. They referred me to a transmission specialist that they highly recommended. I was nervous enough driving the car from home to the mechanic's shop and now I have to drive her further? *sigh* So I do. I didn't speed up at all. I was slow as fuck actually.

Finally I get there and she couldn't fit me in until 2pm. Again, thankful that she could fit me in at all but I got there at 1pm so I still wouldn't know what was what for a while yet. I call Master to update Him and then I played the waiting game.

The verdict comes back. There was rather high minimum amount for what needs to be done. And to find out if one of the problems is what they think it is they have to take apart the transmission to get to it. So they needed a down payment on it right then and there. I did not have the money that kind of money right then and there. I asked if it would be safe for me to drive the car home and come back once I had scraped the money together. She said that unfortunately that would be very risky. I could blow the whole damn transmission. Fuck! I am so glad I didn't push to go to work. I would have been stranded on the interstate or stuck in the parking lot at work. I don't even want to think about how much that tow truck ride would have cost.

I asked if I could keep the car there overnight. She said yes and that there would be no charge for it. Well thank fuck for that. Now my only problem was finding a way home. We only have that one car so Master couldn't come get me. I called our friend at least three times. He didn't answer. So I called his wife about three times as well. No answer. I call one of our neighbors that is a friend three times and no answer. Finally our friend's wife called me back and asked what was up. I told her and unfortunately because her job is so new she couldn't leave early and her husband was at work and couldn't be reached. I had no cash for a bus and no ATM near by. I called a taxi service and the prices they wanted were astronomical. I have never used a taxi in my life and now I see why. Based on that cost alone I figured that would be my last ditch effort. I was sitting there, slightly frantic, trying to think of who else I could call. And then, suddenly, my phone rang and it was our neighbor. She had turned off her cell phone and had forgotten to turn it back on.

She was more than happy to come pick me up. Master met her in the parking lot for the apartment complex and they picked me up. Yay! Master had already explained what was going on so I didn't have to go through all that. She did tell me that if I needed a ride at all for the next couple of days to just let her know because she had nothing going on. She is so sweet.

I got home around 5pm. It has been a long and hellish day.

After a lot of talking and brain storming we have the amount of money it should cost to fix the car. So tomorrow I'm going to call the shop and ask if they can take the down payment over the phone with the card. Hopefully they say yes because then I don't have to sit there the whole time and they can start on it as soon as possible. If not, well then I guess I'm just going to have to ask my neighbor to get me out there as soon as she could and then sit there until it's all done. Either way I'm nervous about it and hoping that the amount they quoted me for what they think is wrong is correct. I have some cushion but still... Fingers crossed.

April 23, 2013


Master and I get hooked on certain things on Netflix. Normally it's a TV show. And once we are hooked we do a marathon until it's done. And then we are sad pandas. (Sorry, South Park reference...)

This time, we are completely hooked on Kitchen Nightmares. I have always wanted to see Hell's Kitchen, but we don't have cable and Netflix doesn't have it. *sad face* But.. Kitchen Nightmares is another Gordan Ramsey show! And we are more than hooked. Obsessed is more like it. Since we found it we have basically been watching it non-stop. We start it while we are eating dinner and we stop just long enough to do the nightly stuff and then it's right back to it until I have to go to bed. Thankfully, Master is not watching it without me. I really, really appreciate it.

I fucking love Gordan Ramsey. I would never work for him though. *laughs* Especially since I don't know one damn thing about cooking. Hand me baking stuff and I'm good to go. Cooking? Um... yeah. That's left up to Master.

Although one night I would like to make a breakfast for dinner kind of thing. Waffles, bacon and scrambled eggs. It would be the first time I have ever made anything for dinner for Master and I. The most I've ever done is grilled cheese or tossing in a pizza. Yes, I know. It's horrible. But I don't have a knack for cooking and I much prefer baking. But breakfast stuff? I would love to do that.

Even as I'm writing this Kitchen Nightmare is playing in the background. I am turning around and watching it every now and then and obviously listening it. Thankfully we have this one, the UK version and another one of his shows, although I can't remember the name of it right now. We're going in order. *laughs*

April 22, 2013


This past weekend Master and I were both rather frisky. I would walk past Him and grope Him. He would do the same to me. We would just kind of wink at one another every now and then. Small stuff.

But the small stuff is important. It helps keep the fires going. Yes, we see each other every day. Yes, we have been together for a decade. But we still desire one another and we show it. I think that is very important. I want Him to know how attracted I am to Him and how sexy I think He is. And I really, really appreciate it when Master lets me know the same.

As a result of this though, we had sex more frequently this weekend. I know during the week I'm tired and worn out from work and all that noise. So I understand that we need to relax and just be goofy. But the sex.. oh my gods the sex.. We have always had incredible sex. Always. There are varying degrees of course, but neither of us have ever thought it was "just okay". Not once.

I am trying to initiate it more. I have a tendency to just wait for Him to bring it up. Master's choice and all that, ya know? But He wants me to initiate too and to voice what I want. After that it's up to Him whether or not He is in the mood for that. Although I will say He does aim to please when He is a generous mood. *smirks*

I wanted it rough most of the weekend and that's exactly what I got. Now, I'm not saying it was only because I asked for it. Obviously that is not the way things work. His mood matched, so that's what happened.

I was a very happy slave this past weekend. Rough sex. Many orgasms. Molested up one side and down the other. I was used only for His pleasure. He likes to call me a sex doll or a sex toy when He does that. Or He'll tell me that He's only using me to jerk Himself off. *purrs* Love it!

Needless to say I was very tired last night and was out almost as soon as I got under the covers and my head hit the pillow. I don't remember looking at the clock at all. It was wonderful.

April 20, 2013

Sick Bitch

Master has accused me of being a sick bitch for years. Well, basically our entire relationship. Surprising, I know. Innocent little me? Sick in the head? No! It simply can't be. Who am I kidding. I know I'm sick in the head. And no, for once, I am not referring to the fact that I'm bipolar. *laughs* After all, I'm medicated for that. I don't think there is a medication for the other parts though. And even if there is, I don't want them.

Lets see here... why on Earth would someone tell me I'm a sick bitch. *ponders this*

Well, there is that whole romance in death thing. Ya know, that whole morbid thing I have going on. But no, Master is totally accepting of that part of me. Thankfully. A lot of people think that is weird, fucked up, etc. But not Master. He actually likes some of my quirks regarding that.

Nope. What Master is referring to is the fact that I mentally get off from fear. I like it when He scares me a bit. And I don't mean when He walks up on me, quiet as can be, while I'm in the bathroom or kitchen. As much of a brick wall as that man of mine is, He can be basically silent when He's walking. He has made me jump by seemingly appearing out of nowhere more times than I can count. You would think I would be used to it by now. He always laughs at me when it happens.

The fear I'm talking about though has nothing to do with that. No I mean the sexual kind of fear. Basically, think of something fucked up that is sexual in nature and induces fear and that is what I mentally get off on.

I thought of Him when I saw this:

Now, spanking isn't scary. Well... unless a belt is involved because that shit fucking hurts. It hurts where I don't think I'm getting any sexual pleasure out of it at all but then Master will dip His fingers in between my legs and it's like Niagara Falls down there. That's normally a good time for Him to call me a sick bitch. *nods*

Sometimes He'll be describing something that horrifies me to a point but also turns me on beyond belief. There was a time where He would hold a knife and run the tip along my skin or hold it close to my throat. (Not close enough that if I twitched it would end horribly, but close enough to scare the ever living hell out of me, in a good way.) That hasn't happened in years. That is not a complaint by the way. There are quite a few things that we did a lot that we just don't do anymore. Edge play. Wax play. Things of that nature.

Choking is a huge turn on for me. I've never passed out from it. I've gotten very close to it though. One particular instance comes to mind.

I was on all fours and He was fucking me. He reached forward and wrapped His hand around my neck. He must of squeezed just right and while I didn't pass out, my upper body collapsed on the bed. He let my neck slip out of His hand. My sight was gone for a few seconds but I was still aware of what was going on. It was like a mini black out I guess. It scared me but I also got a hell of a lot wetter. As soon as I fully came out of it I went back to propping myself up on my hands. He asked if I was okay and I nodded my head and we continued.

What I find interesting now, looking back on it, is that I didn't allow my hips to fall at all. That would have fucked up Master's rhythm and made Him slip out.

I do have this standing thing where if it gets to be too scary for me, I can tap His hand or arm, or basically whatever I can reach and He'll ease up. He is always careful and pays very close attention. I do love it when He's choking me and fucking me really hard and He tells me to either cum or pass out. *swoons*

April 19, 2013

Back In The Day

I tried reading the FetLife boards a little bit today. I say try, because it wasn't all that interesting. Either the subject had been covered a million or so times, it was done in third person, or it was a one true way type post. As I was going through them and I was trying to think of what to post, this all popped into my head and why it would make sense for a good blog post.

Master and I have been on this path of ours for almost as long as we've been together. We've been together ten years now, so I'll say we started this path a little over nine and a half years. It's been a long, but exciting road.

While I was going through the threads I realized that some of the things that I was being annoyed by, we actually used to do. *gasp* It was one of those, "Holy shit... did we actually do that?" And not in a good way. But it was was a stepping stone as we were trying to figure out where we wanted to go and how we wanted to get there.

A good example would be the whole third person. This girl. This slave. You know what I'm talking about. Yes, Master had a rule where I absolutely had to type in third person. He didn't normally have me do it verbally, but for some reason doing it while I was posting on threads and what not was a requirement. I thought it was a good idea at the time as well, and actually enjoyed doing it. It made me think and made me focus while I was typing. It was more an exercise in helping cement my submission to Him. We weren't living together so at the time it seemed like a very handy reminder. I obviously don't need such a reminder anymore.

And I'm not saying other people shouldn't be doing that. If that's what they want to do, good for them. That's awesome. But I honestly can't really read it anymore without being annoyed by it. I wonder if people felt that way when they read what I was writing back then.

Then again I still do the capitalization on any word referring to Master. (Master. He. Him.) I know for a fact some people can't stand reading that. Hell, some of them even find it offensive stating that the only time it should be capitalized in such a way is when referring to God. Well..... too bad? *laughs* It helps not being Christian or Catholic. I don't see it as a religious reference basically.

I still do it because He still wants me to. He sees it as a sign of respect in a way. I can see and understand that.

That one true way thing... when we first started dipping our toes in we were basically willing to read and try anything that even remotely made sense to us. It was the only way we would find what works for us and what doesn't. And we didn't want to miss out on anything that we may enjoy. It was our first power exchange relationship. I had never submitted to anyone before. Actually, if you knew me in person and didn't know about our dynamic you wouldn't believe for a moment that I had a submissive side to my personality. He never had a submissive or slave either. I'm His first and last. *grins*

But, if you knew Master in person... you could totally sense that He has a dominant personality. He is the typical Alpha male. No doubt about it.

But back to the one true way thing. We were never along the lines of there was only one way of doing things. We just wanted to try everything that sounded interesting. I will admit I used to worry about whether or not I was doing this whole slave gig correctly.

But eventually I discovered/realized that as long as He is pleased, I'm doing it correctly. After all, that's the whole damn point. I think a lot of people forget about that. It's what about makes you and your partner happy. It's not about what people online or in a dungeon think.

April 18, 2013

Ready Or Not

I knew that since I had been able to go to bed very late for the past five days that going to bed last night was going to be a huge pain in the ass. Master wanted me to go to bed on time, which is normally 11pm. But for the past few months it has been closer to 11:30pm. So when He said I had to go to bed last night at 11pm, I won't lie.. I pouted. A lot. Master eventually did say I could stay up until the end of an episode that we were watching, which just so happened to be a little after 11:30pm.

After that though I absolutely had to go to bed. Master tucked me in, which I appreciated. But falling asleep? That was a whole other matter. It took me at least an hour and a half to fall asleep. That means I didn't finally fully drift off until about 1am. So, needless to say I was tired this morning. But since I had to throw myself into work the minute I walked in the door, I didn't really have a choice but to completely get my tail in gear.

I was busy as hell and took a whopping 15 minute break through the 8 1/2 hour day I was putting in. Since I was busy though time went by pretty quickly. That is until 3:45pm rolled around. That's when time seemed to slow down. I'm not sure why. I was cranking stuff out until 4:30pm. That meant I had just enough time to put my files away. Once that was done it was time to clock out.

I'm not so much exhausted as I am sore. The weather has kind of been all over the place and I think I was pushing my shoulders further than I should have so that I could get more done. Yes, I got more done. That much is true. But I'm paying for it now.

Hopefully it'll be easier to fall asleep tonight.

April 17, 2013

Back To Reality

Today is the last day of my five and a half day mini vacation of doing almost absolutely nothing. Friday afternoon was spent getting an oil change and then hanging out with my dad. That was a good day, once I got out of work.

Saturday was spent basically doing nothing at all. Same with Sunday. On Monday I had gone down to visit my mom. I ran some errands with her and she bought me a new pair of sneakers, which I love. Why did she buy them? Well she saw that my old ones were "talking" and told me that I needed new ones. I said I know, and the next thing I know we're at the shoe store because she needed a new pair. And since it was buy one get one half off, she bought me a pair too.

We did some fun stuff in addition to the errands. I had arrived at her place around 8:30am and got home probably somewhere around 3:30pm.

After I got home we spent a little bit of time bringing stuff inside. (While I was running errands with my mom I decided that since we were already out and about I would just do grocery shopping and what not with her.)

Yesterday, like I said in my last post, was spent going to the game store and then playing the new video game.

Today was another big day of doing nothing at all. I slept in later than I had intended, but oh well there. I haven't left the apartment once today. Master ran down to the store to get the few items we needed. He took the dog out for me this morning and He took him in the afternoon. I have the pup this evening, so that will be the extent of my leaving the apartment today.

Tomorrow it's back to reality. I'll only have two days of work, and then Saturday we have no plans and Sunday we have my dad coming up for a while.

The next two days are going to really, really suck. I already know this going in. The thought of it makes me wanna just take the next two days off honestly. *laughs* But I know Master would strongly discourage that.

April 16, 2013

Game On

Today has been lazy as hell. And I am more than okay with that.

I didn't get out of bed until noon, which surprised me. And even then I didn't really get out of bed. Master had come into the bedroom to wake me up and once I was awake enough to open my eyes He had me laying on my stomach and fucked me. After that I was wide awake. He slapped me on the ass and told me to come out to the living room.

We chilled and talked for a little while before Master took His shower. Our water had been turned off until noon since the landlord was working on the plumbing in the basement. As a result, Master had to wait until early afternoon before He could take His shower.

We then went to the game store. I got to wear my new sneakers. I got them on Monday when I went bumming around with my mother. The boots I got right before winter hit are way too insulated to wear in the spring/summer, so I needed new sneakers. My old pair of sneakers that I've had for about five years were finally starting to talk. I get slightly attached to my sneakers, oddly enough. But I'm keeping my old pair as ones to quickly toss on when I need to take the dog outside or something along those lines.

But I was happy I got to wear my new ones today. They are really comfortable and I love how they look.

We got a new game that came out today. It's a fighter, so we'll both play it. He is working on story mode. I wasn't feeling all that well when we got home so I just sprawled out on the couch and watched Him play. After dinner though, I felt better so I fought Him a few times. It's going to take me a while to get used to the moves and all that, but I really like it.

Now Master is back to working on story mode, trying to unlock shit. I'm sure we'll fight one another again later.

April 15, 2013

Teeth Meet Flesh

Last night Master and I were goofing around in the living room, just talking and what not. At one point I said something along the lines of, "I'm horny and hyper."

He laughed and told me to get my tail to the bedroom. Sir, yes Sir! *smirks* So I got my tail to the bedroom. I got comfortable and shortly after I did Master joined me in bed.

He pulled me close and started chewing on my neck. He started off slowly, working His way up and down my neck. Then He really started clamping down with His teeth, and it felt amazing. I did whine a few times because it would be a sudden jolt of pain forcing it's way through a nice sensation of pressure and pain that wasn't nearly as bad as that split second jolt. He chuckled, with the flesh of my neck still in between His teeth, when that happened.

He let go and kissed His way up my neck until He was kissing my lips softly. After a handful of kisses I raised my chin and He bit me, hard, right under my chin. That fucking hurt. I was surprised that I enjoyed it. That's the funny thing about biting though, sometimes it'll feel amazing and other times it's all I can do to not squirm.

After a few more quick bites He went to molesting my tits and I snaked my arm down so I could stroke His cock. He then opened my legs and knelt in between them so He could rub the head of His cock up and down my pussy. I did start to squirm then and He started to slowly slide in until He was half way in and then He just slammed the rest of the way in.

The sex was incredible, and rough. He pinned me down and choked me. He bounced me off His cock and then put both of my legs up, one on each shoulder, so He could lean forward and effectively bend me in half.

After I had gotten off about 105 times He pulled out, flipped me on my stomach and used me until He got off.

We cuddled for a little while and once we caught our breath we went back into the living room. It was a little after 2:30am by that point so I figured I would stay up a while longer since He was allowing it and I didn't have to work today. But it took more out of me than I had thought; I don't think I made it more than 20 minutes before I asked Master if I could go to bed. He said that was fine and that He would join me shortly. I passed out almost as soon as my head hit the pillow.

This morning I checked the mirror and I was amazed by the fact that there are no bruises on my neck. I don't know if I was surprised or disappointed or both. Right now, I'm leaning towards both.

April 13, 2013

Doesn't Feel Like Home

I had mentioned in my last post that on the way home from my dad's, Master and I had basically just talked about random things. Well, one of the things that Master said last night has been stuck in my head.

We had been discussing wanting to move to His home town. One of the things that He said was something along the lines of we shouldn't really worry about it until we have the money to actually start looking for a place. I got what He was saying, but my reply was, "I think about it a lot."

His response: "Me too. I just want to go home."

And that sums it up right there. Since we landed on the decision to move to His hometown as soon as we had the money up, where we are now hasn't felt like home to me. I mean, we live here, obviously. But it's not where we want to be. And so, it doesn't feel like home anymore.

It's nice because it's familiar. I've lived here for about eight years now, give or take a few months. So I know how to get everywhere. I know the short cuts. All the little stuff, ya know? But it just doesn't feel right any longer.

The part that sucks the most is that I know that it's going to take quite a bit of time and patience before we can move. We have to save up the money first. That in and of itself is going to take time. Then we have to start hunting for a new place to live. After that we have to give a sixty day notice to where we are now. Then, finally, we'll be moved.

With any luck once the money is saved up the rest of it will be a piece of cake. Doubtful, but I can hope.

April 12, 2013

Busy, Busy, Busy

I woke up a bit before my alarm went off this morning. After that I basically hit the ground running. Thankfully the four hours at work flew by and I was smiling when I walked out, knowing that I was starting my extended weekend.

I dropped off the passenger in my carpool, went to the bank and then swung by the apartment to pick up Master. After that we went to get the car an oil change and a tire rotation. We actually got there a half hour early but thankfully they were able to squeeze us in early and we were out of there right about the time our appointment was actually supposed to start, which was nice. As soon as we got in the car I called my dad and told him we were heading down.

The drive down to my dad's seemed to take longer than usual. It wasn't like there was heavy traffic or anything along those lines. It was just my perception of it.

We had a good time down there. There wasn't a lot we had to do as far as his online sales go. So we spent most of the time just relaxing and watching TV.

On the way home Master and I talked about this, that, and the other. Basically anything that came to mind. I dropped Him off at the apartment so He could take the dog out and then feed him. While He was doing that I picked up some things at the gas station and then got fast food for dinner.

Since I finally walked in the door to stay, I've basically done absolutely nothing but chill on the couch and watch Netflix with Master.

And so begins my lazy as hell mini vacation.

April 11, 2013

Mini Vacation Of Doing Nothing

As of noon tomorrow I will officially begin my five and a half day break from work. It is the longest break I've had in a little over four years. The longest break I've ever had from a job is one full week off and that was at my previous job. I had played with the idea of taking off this upcoming week off, but Master felt it would be a bad idea as it would burn most of my vacation days and I will maybe, hopefully, need to save some of those in case I have a job interview that I can't just leave work early for.

So I only took off Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday. I'm looking forward to it.

I'm looking forward to it for several reasons.

In no particular order those reasons are:
  • Spend more time with Master. We plan on going out to dinner, just the two of us.
  • Getting to sleep in for five whole days.
  • Reading books.
I just recently started reading for pleasure again in quite some time. Mostly due to the fact that I had read the books in the house so many times that I just really didn't feel like reading them again. I'm very picky about what I read so just waltzing into a book store and picking up a new book kind of turns me off of reading even more. Weird, I know.

Once I'm done re-reading the book I'm reading currently, I think I'll go back to the book I only read once. I've only read it once because I bought it around Christmas time and that wasn't all that long ago. I try to give it some time in between so I don't get sick of the book too quickly and then never want to pick it up again.

We don't have a lot of plans for the time I have scheduled off of work. Tomorrow I have to get the car an oil change. After that we'll be going down to visit my dad for a while. Monday I'll be going down to visit with my mom and my brother.

Aside from that, all we have planned is to go out to dinner. We aren't sure what day but we know where we want to go. We want to go to the restaurant where we had our first date. We don't go there as often as we would like because it's in Master's home town and just going out to dinner somewhere closer to home just makes sense.

April 10, 2013

Dirty Laundry

I know that I use this blog to put out my thoughts and feelings. I know that I show both sides of our relationship here. The good and the bad. And I use the term bad very lightly. I just don't know what other word to use. The disagreements, things of that nature.

But here, there is a level of feeling anonymous. Perhaps it's because I don't use our names. Maybe it's because that is the entire reason this blog exists. It is here so that I can write down whatever the hell I want to or need to. I know it doesn't always seem like that because some of my posts are so damn mundane. But because there isn't a lot going on, there isn't a lot to post about.

But sometimes, it worries me when people air their dirty laundry publicly. It only worries me when it is very direct and very publicly. We are on a social networking site. Our families are also on there. And for the longest time my brother-in-law and his wife would literally fight on that site. I don't just mean a little tiff. I mean like name calling and just all sorts of bad shit. Shit that should stay behind closed doors basically. I mean yes, I vent here but I don't call Master horrible names or anything along those lines.

I guess my father-in-law had a talk with them about it and it had stopped for a while.

Then I saw something today that wasn't pleasant.

My brother-in-law had posted something very sweet actually. It had to do with putting work into a relationship to keep it happy and healthy. It wasn't something he wrote personally, it was something he found and posted.

I thought it came across as very sweet. A never give up we are here for one another type thing.

But then his wife asked what he was trying to imply and it went downhill from there. He again came across as very sweet saying something along the lines of quitting is not an option and that working together is a good thing. Her response was.. not sweet. Not sweet at all. She implied that she was the only one doing anything to work on the relationship and due to that there wasn't a point in continuing to do so.

It upsets me. It worries me. I really like His brother and I like his wife as well. She is currently pregnant with their third child.

I guess what confuses me is that they can seem so in love with one another and then it's as if all hell breaks loose. And to be perfectly honest it always seems to be my brother-in-law's wife that starts the bad mouthing, at least online. She makes it seem like it's all or nothing with her. If she's happy it's fine. If she has a bad day she makes it seem as if she's threatening divorce.

Even when I wasn't medicated and I had some really, really bad days I never once thought about leaving Master or filing for divorce. The words never even passed my mind, let alone my lips or my fingers tips.

They always work it out. But I guess it seems worse from the outside looking in. But maybe, just maybe, if they didn't do this all on the social networking site it wouldn't seem as bad as it does when we read it. She gets pissed off and the first thing she does is grab her phone and starts bitching out her husband.

I haven't known them long enough to talk to them about this. Well, we've known them for a few years now. But I still do not feel comfortable about it as we don't spend a ton of time together. It's mainly family functions. Maybe my father-in-law will say something again. Or maybe they'll have a talk about it.

April 9, 2013

Still Awake

Last night when it was time for me to go to bed, I asked Master to tuck me in. I normally don't ask. Usually when He tucks me in it's because He initiates it. It's not that I can't ask, but it's the norm basically.

Last night though I needed it, so I asked. I hadn't felt good all day, better than the previous day, but still not great. I had been thinking about our rabbit that recently passed as well, which is another reason why I felt I needed to be tucked in. It's basically a nice cuddle before I have to drift off to sleep. I got comfortable under the blankets and Master laid next to me, on top of the blankets. He held me close for a little while. Eventually He kissed the top of my head and told me goodnight and that He loves me.

It took me a long time to fall asleep. Longer than I thought it would. A good hour and a half to two hours passed before I finally fell asleep. And even then it wasn't a deep sleep. I remember waking up when Master came to bed at 3:30am. I fell back asleep until my alarm went off at 6am.

Work was rough. Like, really rough. And it will be again tomorrow. I did catch up on a lot though. A lot more than I thought I would. So at least that much. I came into more than 200 things on my list and I was able to get the list down to 61. That's not too bad if I do say so myself. Tomorrow though I'll have those 61 items plus tomorrow's normal stuff to knock out. Joy.

I'm not as tired as I thought I would be though. Honestly I can't believe the fact that I'm even awake right now. I thought for sure that I would pass out on the couch after dinner, but here I am. Still awake and not feeling tired. Odd.

Only two and a half days of work left and then I get an extended break of five and a half days, which is really nice. I'm looking forward to it. 

April 8, 2013

TMI & A Side Note

Last night, since I had been crying a lot and had just had a migraine the day prior, another migraine kicked in. It wasn't nearly as bad but it hit none the less.

I was laying on the couch most of the afternoon. I'm not depressed but I am sad and drawn in. I had been debating whether or not to go to work today. I knew I had to make a decision soon because I had to let the passenger in my carpool know.

I had asked Master over and over again and He told me it was up to me. He said He understood either way. I knew that I had a lot of work to do today. And I do mean a lot. I had eventually decided that yes, I was very sad about our rabbit. And yes, I had a bad migraine for the past two days, but I should still go to work.

But then my stomach started up. It was bad. A lot of pain and just a lot of bathroom trips. (TMI, I know.)

I was hoping it would only be once or twice but no. It continued. That's when I decided I would just stay home. I've had these kind of nights before. I knew I was going to be up and down all night due to my stomach and that wasn't helping my migraine at all.

Just as soon as I thought I was feeling better it would hit again. So I sent a text to the passenger in the carpool to let him know.

I was right about being up all night. I was in and out of the bathroom until 2am or so. I had even jumped in the tub with really hot water for a while to try to help with the cramping. It worked, while I was in the tub. Once I got out it just happened again and again.

When I finally passed out on the couch Master allowed me to sleep. Eventually He woke me up and told me to go ahead and go to the bedroom and that He would be back when He was ready to go to bed.

I had set an alarm so I could get up and call into work. While I was up I took the dog outside. My stomach started again almost immediately after I got back inside. Once I thought it had passed for long enough I went back to bed. I didn't get up again until almost 11:30am.

I still feel like I have a rock sitting in my stomach. I know that the rest of this week is going to kick my ass at work. Especially since Friday is my half day and next week I only work two days. I'm going to be very busy, for quite some time. I also know that regardless of how I'm feeling tonight/tomorrow morning I absolutely have to go to work tomorrow.

** Unrelated: Blog Side Note**

I have changed the e-mail address for contacting me. I have updated the "contact me" link that is on my blog. I just wanted to state that in case anyone already had my previous e-mail and still wanted to be able to get a hold of me via e-mail. I am deactivating my previous e-mail address.

April 7, 2013

Another Goodbye

Today started as any normal Sunday would. Master and I sat in the living room, drinking coffee and waking up a bit more. Master went to go take His shower and on His way to the bathroom He opened up the second bedroom door. The room that we call the bunny room. Every night after we feed them and say goodnight we close the door. Then every day we open it in the morning.

It was different today. He opened the door and I heard Him walk into the room, just as He always does to say good morning. I was literally about to ask Him how they were all doing when I heard Him say, "Hun!"

Our eldest rabbit passed away last night. He walked out into the hallway, where I met Him, and we held each other. He was crying. I had just started to but didn't fully until we held hands and went back to see him.

That's when I fully broke down. I was bawling. I know some people are probably thinking, "It's just a rabbit."

None of our animals are "just pets". They are members of our family and we love all of them. When one of them passes away, a family member has passed away.

Master and I said our goodbyes and pet him for a little while before proceeding with burying him.

We said our goodbyes once more before going back inside.

We have both been in a daze since then. He was very old for a rabbit, honestly. He was 11 years old. That is well beyond a rabbit's life expectancy. And we knew it was coming. We knew he was old. But even when you know it's coming, it doesn't cushion the blow of when it actually happens. We had gotten him very early in our relationship and he was already a year when we got him.

I am grateful that he went peacefully in his sleep. We know it was in his sleep and without pain just by how he was laying when we found him this morning. I am very, very grateful for that. I'm also grateful that we both said goodnight last night. Normally just one of us does. One of us takes out the dog and the other feeds and says goodnight to the rabbits. Well, last night after I came in from taking out the dog Master had just gotten back there so I went in and said goodnight too.

We will miss him as we miss all of our pets who have passed away. He will always have a place in our hearts and we will always love and miss him greatly.

April 6, 2013


Sometimes I really, really hate living in an apartment complex. Today is one of those days. Master and I had both slept in, which was nice. But we were woken up by very loud noises coming from the basement.

Well, at first we weren't sure where the hell they were coming from since the acoustics in this place is fucked up. But after listening for few moments we finally decided that yes, they were in fact coming from the basement. And there were people speaking very loudly. There was a lot of banging and the sound of a vacuum cleaner. The entire basement is nothing but a concrete floor so why the hell is there a vacuum going? It didn't take very long for Master to get dressed and go down stairs to find out what the hell was going on.

He was down there for a few moments and apparently the landlord had hired people to clean the basement. On a Saturday. Early in the morning. What the fuck? You would think that they would schedule something like that for during the work week so people wouldn't be home and have to hear all that noise.

Master took His shower and we tried to relax but the noise just got louder. Both of our heads were pounding. This time I went down stairs. I wasn't a bitch or anything along those lines. I simply wanted to ask when they thought they would be done. When Master went down there it looked like they were just cleaning around the washers and dryers as well as the storage units. It shouldn't take as long as it was taking.

There was only one woman down there when I went down. As soon as she saw me she apologized about all the noise. I told her I knew she was only doing her job and that I had just come down to ask whether or not she knew when she would be done.

Apparently she was hired to clean the entire basement, top to bottom. Which was why the noise would get louder from time to time because she would be putting the wet/dry vacuum cleaner's hose along the ceiling of the basement. She said she wasn't sure when she would be done but that she was almost done with our side of the basement and would be moving down soon.

She also asked if I had any band-aids. She had apparently cut her finger while cleaning and she didn't want to get bleach in it if at all possible as she continued to clean. I ran upstairs and grabbed a couple for her. She was really very nice and I made sure to tell her that I wasn't trying to make her job harder and she said she understood why I had come down to ask. She also told me she isn't sure why the landlord had chosen a Saturday. Apparently she had the same ling of thought that I did.

Thankfully about a half hour after I came back up she had moved down and we couldn't really hear it anymore. But all that noise had done it's damage. A migraine had built up to the point where Master closed the blinds so that there wouldn't be as much light coming in and then working on the base of my neck and my temples.

It wasn't until about two hours ago that it finally went away fully. At least this time I didn't have to go into the bedroom with the door shut and two wet and warm washcloths. One on my forehead and one on the back of my neck. When they get really bad that's the only thing that will even take the edge off. Also, with migraines I worry about my neck locking in one position as it has a tendency to do that. If that had happened I would have spent the evening at a walk-in clinic or the ER so that I could get a very strong muscle relaxer. I'm glad I avoided that.

April 5, 2013

No News Is Good News

My life is actually rather boring lately. But, boring isn't always a bad thing. In fact I'm rather enjoying the boredom currently. Like I've been saying, it just doesn't make for good blog posts.

I talked to my dad today. I had to call and give him some information from his online sales. It's surprising these days how much my dad doesn't mind talking on the phone. He use to hate it. He avoided it at all costs actually. He would have my mother, my brother or myself answer the phone and if it was for him he would just basically talk to the person through us.

"Dad, someone is on the phone for you."

"What do they want?"

"They want x, y, z."

"Okay tell them x, y, z."


Now? It's actually kind of hard to get him off the phone when I call him. It's not a bad thing really. Apparently though next weekend we are going down there and then the weekend after that he is coming up here. We are going down to his place just for a normal visit and probably to take more pictures of stuff he wants to post online.

The weekend after that he wants to come up so he can browse for a car online. He is looking for a very particular car and doesn't have the internet, so he can't browse online for it obviously. He has some more money saved up so he said he is ready to start looking seriously. When Dad needs to use the internet he just comes up for a visit. It's kind of funny since it's a 45 minute drive one way. But he also likes getting out of town and away from his home every now and then, so it works out.

April 4, 2013

Point A To Point B

Today was hectic at work. I could barely breathe. But since I got home I've been very lazy and relaxed. Although I apparently twisted my ankle at some point. I didn't notice it until I started relaxing after dinner. It is a little swollen and is very tender. There is a dull ache to it as well. Oh the joys of somehow injuring myself, not knowing how, and then not realizing it until later when I've probably already damaged it further since I didn't notice it sooner.

I'm still in that drawing a blank state, like I have been for a while now. I know that it doesn't make for very interesting blog posts. Hopefully people are still reading. *laughs*

Work has been hectic and "regular" life has been well... rather regular. Due to one or both of us either not feeling well, being sore, having our backs messing with us or just plain tired we haven't done anything kink related at all. In fact we haven't had sex in general in a while now. Not a long while but a longer period of time than we normally do.

I'm not saying it's a bad thing and I'm not saying anything is wrong. I'm simply stating facts.

So yeah, that's why my blog posts have been rather point a to point b. I get up, I go to work, I come home and either do errands or relax with Master in the living room.

It's been nice though. Nothing really going on.

I'm sure once the weather finally settles on what it's going to be for more than 12 hours we'll both feel a lot better. We both have chronic pain so the weather playing yo-yo with itself really fucks with both of us. It is supposed to get up to 60° on Saturday. I was hoping maybe we could sit outside for a little while or something but a few things may prevent that.

The first being whether or not all that snow/ice/slush is finally off of our porch/mini yard. And the other being whether or not we can stomach being outside while bratty as hell neighbor kids running around screaming at the top of their lungs.

April 3, 2013

Drawing A Blank

I've been drawing a blank lately in regards to my blog posts. Master told me to skip it last night. No real reason or anything along those lines. He just told me to skip it.

But I know that my blog posts haven't been very in depth and have been more about the day to day stuff rather than thoughts or much lifestyle related.

So I was thinking about that a little earlier today and honestly it's because not a lot is going on anywhere across the board aside from work. It's not a bad thing and I'm not complaining. It just doesn't make much for blog posts. Add to that the fact that work has been mentally wiping me out so when it comes time to sit down and do a post, I feel like a damn mental zombie.

I just sit there staring at the screen and wondering what the hell to write about. Like now.

I will say that I skipped out of work two hours early. I've just had no patience at work lately. I know that part of it is because I know I'll be looking for a new job soon but the majority of it is because I've been so swamped and things just aren't going well in general. As in things keep getting changed, clients are cracking down even though they aren't providing what we need and nine times out of ten I'm waiting on them. But whatever.

Since I got out early Master and I decided to run most of our errands. We went to get more dog food, did our groceries and made one more quick stop before going home.

He showed me a demo for a video game we are both looking forward to. After that we ate dinner and exchanged back rubs. I didn't realize how sore I was until He started working on my lower back. It feels much better now, I just find it odd that you don't really notice something like that until pressure is applied.

See, I'm just rambling random shit. *sigh* Hopefully one day soon my brain will kick back into gear.

April 1, 2013

Another Monday Down

My anxiety levels were a bit high today. I was extremely busy at work, which I pretty much expected. But it was also one of those things where I was trying to do all of my work, well as much as I could, and it was one thing after another of shit that people wanted me to do before I continued playing catch up, setting me further and further behind. So tomorrow will be more catch up. Hooray.

Due to my higher anxiety levels I was a bit irritable as well, which didn't help matters. So I sent a message to Master before I left work letting Him know that I would need a big hug when I got home. It sounds so silly, but even at 30 a nice big hug can make me feel a lot better.

And I was right. As soon as I walked in the door Master gave me a big hug and held me a little bit. I instantly felt better. I felt like I could breathe a little easier too.

We had to go back to the pet store tonight. The leash we had bought for the pup this past weekend wasn't as well put together as we like. I mean, it wasn't a piece of shit or anything but it just wasn't as sturdy. We have an 80lbs dog, I want to be able to feel the weight of the leash.

So the three of us (Master, the mutt, and myself) went over to the pet store. They let us return it and we ended up getting him a new chain collar. He still has his normal collar which holds his tags, but he walks a lot better with a chain collar. Now we'll only be using his harness for when he's tied up outside on the porch. Another upside is that we got some money back since the chain collar was cheaper than the leash.

Now it's just some nice down time. I feel better now than I did about four hours ago. I know that tomorrow isn't going to be any better as I didn't make as big of a dent today as I had hoped I would.

But no need to focus on that right now. I'm just going to focus on relaxing.