I'm Back

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

Grumble

I'm a little cranky tonight. Nothing major, just cranky.

I didn't sleep well last night. Over the past few days my fibromyalgia has been kicking my tail. My shoulders and lower back have been screaming at me. You know, there are some days where I wish I still had some of those prescription muscle relaxers. I went off of those, as well as all of my pain medications, shortly after I turned 19. So about a year before I met Master. I also stopped going to the doctors I was going to. Every single one of them.

I felt like they weren't listening to me and only wanted to drug me and not try to actually help me anymore. I had been going to those doctors since I was 13 years old. Fuckers gave up on me. They stopped having me go to physical therapy, or getting professional massages, and they stopped doing the stretching exercises. They decided it was best to just hide the pain behind the drugs. And so did every new doctor I tried. Plus I was just really sick of being a zombie.

Enough about that.

Well one of the last things we were waiting on for taxes showed up to day. Just one more to go! And of course it is the job I only worked at for 2 weeks in 2008 (I had been there for about three months all told) before going to my current job. Why do I have a feeling they are waiting until the absolute last minute before putting the damn W-2 in the mail?

I'm one of those odd people who likes getting the taxes done and filed very early. I usually have them done by the middle of February. And yes, I do our taxes. They aren't that difficult and I can still file them electronically, so yay! To hell with paying someone who might fuck me over and still over charge me. After what happened to my grandfather, I'll never pay for someone to file my taxes unless I have no other choice. He had been going to a company (a very large one I might add) for years and years. Well one day the IRS decided to spin the roulette wheel and pull his name for an audit. Yeah, he owed about $60,000 in back taxes because this company continuously screwed up. No thank you. That and I'm not a very trusting person when it comes to finances. I keep track of everything. I write down my hours when I'm at work so I can make sure my paycheck isn't shorted. I learned that one the hard way a few years ago. Your word against the company doesn't mean jack shit. Company wins. How shocking.

We use online banking and online bill pay but I still write everything down and make copies in case something happens to the original. I save check images that I can view through our online banking. Especially now that Master and I are finally starting to get back on our feet. There is no way I'm letting us get tripped up if I can help it. I thought it drove Master nuts, especially after things were finally back on track. But it turns out He's thankful. He says that if it weren't for my being so obsessed about such things we might have never gotten our feet back on the ground. *beams* It may seem like a small thing, but I really appreciate it when He says things like that. Makes me feel useful.

Well, this weekend is so not turning out how I wanted it to.

Where to begin. Okay, tonight Master is at work until about 6am. Then tomorrow I have to go take the car in for an oil change. After that I'm dropping off the rent check, and we have a bunch of other errands to run. On top of that Master has to go to His office for an hour or two to talk to His boss about how the job contract is going and to see where it goes from here as well as drop off the paperwork.

Saturday, I work. Master had me put in a request to get out three hours early so we could have more time together. It was approved, which is all well and good. But our friend B is coming over. We wanted to see him, and he's going through a rough time right now with family issues, but I was hoping we'd have one day where it would be just myself and Master. As you can tell Friday is kind of shot due to all the errands.

B was talking about coming over Sunday. But nope. That's shot too. Why you ask? Well, my mother in law decided that since she wanted to spend her birthday with her boyfriend's family in another state she would just see us this weekend. Master tried to make it for tomorrow (Friday) but nnnooo. That's not good for her. Sunday was the only day that was good for her. So now we're back to playing that game. The whole, "Well I'll see if I can pencil you in and then get myself up on that cross over there if you tell me no."

I asked Master if we could buy her a neon cross and some nails for Christmas. He said no, although the idea made Him laugh. :-D

Trust me my family politics are no fun either. At least with most of my family. Especially with my father and paternal grandfather. Fuck me running with a chain saw. That is it's own little side show believe you me. Hopefully we can keep the visit with His mother short and hopefully B won't want to stay extremely late on Saturday. One can hope.

** By the way I'm not trying to say I hate my mother in law or B. And yes, I know we can tell people no. But with how busy we've been lately we haven't seen anyone let alone one another, so we need to kind of do the rounds. *sigh* I'm glad we don't have a lot of friends. This would be an even bigger pain in the ass.

Masks

We all wear masks. In fact we wear them most of the day.

I wear mine whenever I am at work, and even when I am with friends and family. I don't mean to say that I try to put on an act when I'm with friends or family, but there are certain aspects of myself that they do not know. There are certain parts of myself that I don't want them to see.

I think everyone does this. I think I do it without even realizing it until later when I can finally relax and not have to worry about it.

At work.. I'm Ms. Ultra Polite Customer Service.

With friends.. I'm Ms. Wacky Chick But Not Too Far Out There.

With family.. I'm Ms. Quirky Kid Who Makes Us Wonder Sometimes.

Then there are the times where I'm with my Husband. With Him, there are no masks. And when I first realized that there was no need for the mask camouflage when I was with Him is when I really fell hard for Him. *smiles*

I didn't have to hide any aspect of myself from Him. In fact He wanted to know the deeper, darker things that I had never shared with anyone else before. And that is so..... freeing. When I come home (as long as we don't have company anyways) I can just be me. No one else. No hiding. No mask, or partial masking needed. I don't have to wait until absolutely no one is around.

And if I have something that I wouldn't dare tell anyone else (for fear of being judged) floating through my head I know I can talk to Him about it. And that is healthy for me. I don't have to bottle it up and never let it see the light of day. It can all hang out and He doesn't judge me. He doesn't look at me like I'm crazy or morbid or any number of other things. In fact that is how we get into our hours long conversations sometimes. One of us with say something totally out there and then we start talking about it and before you know it we've been all over the map, twice.

And I like to think that He feels that same freedom with me. I mean, I know He tells me everything and I know He can talk to me about anything.. but I don't know if He feels that freedom that I do.

And I really don't know if I'm making any sense to be honest.

I don't know what brought on this topic. I think maybe it was because I've noticed just how much I can't be myself in most situations. Especially right now when work is so hectic and I'm trying to make a name for myself there so I can move up in the company now that I've decided to stop bitching and buckle down and go for it.

Sure, Ms. Ultra Polite Customer Service is an aspect of myself. But it's not all of me. And at work, a lot of myself can't be displayed, even when I'm just outside on a break with coworkers. I have to watch what I say and do.

Let's face it normally I'm not all that fucking polite. *laughs* I curse a lot. A lot. I am not politically correct. I'm blunt. I can be a snarky bitch. I can also be a highly sarcastic bitch. I'm an all in one bitch really. ;-)

But if Ms. Ultra Polite Customer Service wasn't an aspect of myself, I sure in the hell couldn't do my job. I would have been fired ages ago.

And I really enjoy the fact that there are many things about myself, and things that I think about, that only Master knows. It's like our own little secret club and no one else is invited. And I like that I know so many things about Him that people who have known Him all His life have no idea about. And even if they did, they wouldn't understand. But I do.

Here I am, having only been a part of His life for about 6 years and I know things that His best friend for decades don't know and will never know. Like I said, it's our own secret club. I think that's how mates should be. Mates should have their own secret club where they are the only two members.

Gods am I making any damn sense? Can you tell I'm tired? Ah well. I know what I'm trying to say and I'm sure Master will. So, I'm sorry if this post has you looking at the screen sideways. I'm rambling and I'll cut it here.

Maybe I'll Stay

Last night I couldn't fall asleep until about 3am. Thankfully I didn't have to get up until 9am. Master told me today that He had gotten home around 7am and had climbed into bed. I honestly don't remember feeling Him getting in, but I did wake up to Him this morning and gave Him a kiss before heading out to work.

Today at work, it was a bit more tolerable. I think that may be in part because I remembered to take my multivitamin this morning, where as yesterday I did not. I don't know why but I feel better and I am in a better mood if I take the vitamin.

I got my 2008 year end review today. It went extremely well. According to my supervisor I will be getting the yearly raise in April. So that's wonderful news. She also said that she would like to see me "job shadow" other departments. She said that I have a lot of potential and it is some what being wasted in my current job position. I took that as a huge compliment. She also told me that she had put in for a promotion for me. It wouldn't go into effect (if accepted) until the end of this year, but it'll be a hell of a raise. So... as much as I may bitch I'll be staying at the company I am with.

Honestly I think it is so bad right now because this is the first busy season I've been through while fully trained. So yeah, it's kicking my ass a little bit but I'm still handling it and getting great stats. Yay me!

On the way home I had to stop at the pet store and get rabbit food. They ran out last night and I didn't realize it until I went to feed them. Thankfully there was just enough in the bag to feed all three of them for one more day. I had tried to pick it up this morning however the pet stores near our home were all closed and didn't open until a half hour before I started work, and work is about a half hour drive away. So it had to wait.

When I got home Master and I didn't eat a full dinner, we just munched. He was going to pick up something on the way to His job and I had brought home a frozen pizza. We didn't have enough time before He had to leave to eat it then, so I'm making it now.

Master called me once He reached the job site to let me know He had made it safely. He'll probably call again later on tonight and I'll most likely be awake. My shoulders are killing me today for whatever reason, so I'm sure that'll keep me up for some time.

No Master = Insomnia

This happened when Master was away for that job contract last week too.

I would try to go to sleep, toss and turn, toss and turn some more, and then eventually say fuck it and get up and try it again a couple of hours later.

Guess what. It's happening again. I was tired when I got home from work. I enjoyed the couple of hours I had with my Master and then took my bath and all of that happy stuff.

Before He left for work I said that He could call when He was on His lunch break. He told me that He may or He may not, depending on what time that was going to be.

Well on one of His breaks, around 11:30pm or so Master called me and told me that He would be taking His lunch break around 2am. I said that would be fine to call. I figured that if I did end up going to sleep that I would just wake up to talk to Him. No biggie.

Well it's currently a little after 1am and guess what. I'm not tired. How surprising.

I know He won't have much trouble sleeping because He'll pretty much be dead on His feet once He gets home. I can't say that I blame Him for that, being how physical His job normally is.

But me? Mine is just mentally exhausting, which is what makes me tired. Well apparently my mind has had sufficient time to rest and unwind because now I'm wide awake.

Thankfully I don't have to work really early in the morning. I have to get up by 9am. So that's not to bad.

I don't know what it is but if He isn't at least at home and in the very near vicinity, I can't sleep very well. Not only can I not sleep very well, but I have problems falling asleep.

This has happened when He's worked 3rd shift jobs before. It's just been quite some time since He's worked a 3rd.

I'm so used to having Him next to me, snoring and being my heating blanket. So when He's not home I just can not fricking sleep. Ugh. I'm not trying to sound whiney or complain excessivley. Really, I'm not. Like I said in a previous post, Him working this 3rd shift is a lot easier to deal with than Him being out of town.

Speak of the devil. Apparently they took their lunch breaks early. He just wanted to call and check in. He's a sweetie. So He told me to go curl up and try to get some sleep. So I'm off.. to toss and turn. *giggles*

Back To The Grindstone

Last night Master and I stayed up and watched an interesting show called "Monster Quest". It was pretty damn intriguing.

Eventually we had to turn it off and head off to bed. Thankfully we didn't go to sleep right away! :-D

Master played with me for a while and allowed me to stroke His cock as He did so. Eventually He placed Himself between my legs and entered me. He allowed me to cum several times and did this interesting thing where He had one of my legs straight up in the air and the other one pressed firmly to the bed as He bounced me off of His cock. That felt incredible! I scented myself and cleaned Him off before we curled up and fell asleep.

It seems my sex drive is coming back a little bit. It's not full force yet, however it's making a come back. (No pun intended. Honest.)

This morning Master and I got up and I got ready for work. He then drove me to work and dropped me off. I had gotten to work early because I knew we were upgrading one of our applications and starting a brand new one.. so I wanted to get that all set up before I actually started work, as well as print off my W-2. Yeah. That didn't go so smoothly. I eventually got it all done but the upgrade took up most of the time I had before I had to start. Joy.

And of course it was busy as hell. So the day dragged for me. I had 8 days off, so getting back into the swing of things sucked.

Master called me and left a voice mail asking for me to call Him on my lunch break, so I did exactly that. He told me what was going on with His job. It is definitely 3rd shift for this week, but the company isn't sure if it will be next week as well. It'll depend on how much they get done basically. But it sounds like the whole one car situation is going to work out rather well.

I scheduled the car for an oil change on Friday as well as to get an estimate on the back brakes. We did the front ones not that long ago, but couldn't afford to do the back ones at the same time and thankfully they weren't as worn out. But Master thinks we'll be able to swing it within the next few weeks. So we might as well get the estimate now so we can plan ahead.

So I did my job and Master came to pick me up. We quickly ate dinner once we got home and then Master had to head out to work shortly there after. He called to let me know when He reached the job site.

I then took my bath and Master called back and said that they had shown up at the wrong place but was now on their way to the correct site. Poor Master. :-( I hope the rest of the night goes well for Him.

He probably won't be home until around 9am or so. Hopefully I'll get a little bit of time in with Him before I have to head out the door for work. I also hope I can fall asleep at a reasonable time. It's hard sleeping when He's not home. Although at least now He's not four hours away.

My eye glasses are ready to be picked up, so I have to call them tomorrow and tell them I'll be there Friday to come get them.

That's really about it. But hey, at least there was incredible sex. ;-)

Last Day Of Freedom

And by freedom I mean having the week off of work. It seems like the days that Master were done this week on that job contract went by really slow. The rest of the time flew by and now I have to go back to work tomorrow.

Other than that things are a bit up in the air at the moment. All I know is that Master is taking me to work tomorrow, then He has to go to His job for about an hour to get the info on this job that they'll be doing on third shift, and then work that night. The good thing about this is it sounds like it's going to work out okay with the car. I can take it to work with me and then have it back in time for Master to go to His job, then He'll have it back in the morning in time for me to go back to work. But we won't know for sure until Master gets all of the information tomorrow.

Last night we stayed up rather late. I think it was around 4am. We watched Scarface. Believe it or not neither of us had ever seen it before. It was pretty good, although I prefer the Godfather movies personally.

So by the time we decided to drag ourselves to bed we were pretty much ready to pass out. And that's exactly what we did.

This morning Master woke me up by using me. He had placed me on my side and had me move up a little bit so the angle would be right and then shoved His dick inside of me. I admit I wasn't fully awake at first, but then I started rocking my hips back to meet His thrusts. He didn't allow to me cum but just used me for His pleasure and then filled me. Promptly after that He went and took His shower.

He sent me out to get sinus medication and His coffee. Master had made a suggestion that we go to the movie theater today and see the new Underworld movie. I was surprised by this suggestion. We haven't been to the movie theater in oh.. two years now? Mainly because the last time we went Master was very uncomfortable because we had been in one of the smaller theaters and the seating was cramped. That, and not a lot of movies have been coming out where we had to see them on the big screen.

So later on I started looking at show times and saw that The Unborn was also playing. So I suggested that as another option. Well we tossed that back and forth a bit and then Master said, "Hey we could just spend that money on points on the X Box 360 and get movies that way." He ended up tossing that suggestion out because well we couldn't make up our minds as to which movie to see and I wasn't being decisive.

So we went with downloading movies off of the X Box 360 instead.

As I'm sitting here now writing this post the whole movie subject kind of made me think of when we were first dating. Well hell even past that. Well into our relationship we used to always go to the movies. We'd make a night of it and watch a movie and have dinner out. In the beginning it felt like a date you know? Not that I stopped trying to look nice when Master would take me or anything, but after a while.. when you've been with someone for so long.. things just don't feel like a date anymore.

It used to be a date to me if Master took me out for dinner. Now? Well, it depends on where we go. I think about the only place that would still feel like a date anymore is The Charcoal Grill. Everywhere else is just going to grab something to eat because we don't feel like cooking.

The movies? Hell I don't know if that would feel like a date or not. Like I said we haven't been to the movie theaters in about two years. Maybe longer than that.

I'm not saying this is a bad thing. Not at all. No matter where we go or what we do I have a good time with Master. The word date always seems like it has pressure attached to it. The pressure to impress or to get to know one another.

After this much time we know one another. I mean we still learn new things about each other and ourselves but it's like it was you know? And there is no pressure. We go somewhere, we do something, and we have fun. Or we look at each other and go, "This sucks. Let's do something else." *laughs*

So today we lazed around the apartment and watched some things on the X Box 360 and had dinner. I took my bath and put on a body suit for Master. It's only a little after 9pm right now, so we still have some time before we have to call it a night thankfully. I hope the next few hours go by slowly.

Master Has A Cell

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom and decided to just sleep. Today Master and I both got to sleep in, which was nice.

We went to the living room and just sort of relaxed there. Master eventually took His shower and I helped Him with His lotion for His tattoos.

From there we went out to lunch and then stopped at the shop I had found for His cell phone. He picked one out that He liked and then we chose the plan that was good for Him. So now, Master has a cell phone and I feel a little bit better.

He didn't really feel like going today. I kind of had to push for Him to do it cause I knew we weren't gonna do it tomorrow and then a whole other week would start and we'd both be at work, so we'd end up putting it off again and again. But once we got home and I had put all the numbers He wanted into the phone, He was happy that He had it. Figures huh? *laughs* It's a nice cell phone. Nothing fancy but He doesn't really need anything fancy.

We watched a movie and I worked on His back. Then I took my bath and put on the fishnet matching outfit with stockings which He seems to enjoy so much. He's been grabbing my ass and stroking my legs and back most of the day here in there.

Which leads me to something that is rather odd for me. My sex drive isn't very high at the moment. Normally my sex drive is high. Like abnormally high. Trust me it's not that I don't like the attention. I really do. But sex drive? It's still there, just not where I'm used to it being. I honestly don't know why.

I told Master about it today and He looked at me like I had grown a third eye. In the time we've been together my sex drive has never really changed. It's always been way up there. Like I said I have no idea why it's so low at the moment, it just is. *shrugs* Just one of those things I guess.

I'm not really sure what else to say about it. It's just.... on a down slope I guess.

Rest and Relaxation

Today while Master was at work I cleaned the kitchen and then tried to rest up. Apparently my back still does not like the fact that I fell on the ice a couple of days ago. It was screaming at me by the time I was done with the kitchen.

Much to my surprise, and enjoyment, Master got home at 1pm today. He took His shower and I knelt outside the bathroom door while He did so. He had a decent day at work and so wasn't as cranky as He was last night. Although now it sounds like He'll be going on 3rd shift for a while.

Although after Him being out of town for two and a half days, the whole temporary 3rd shift thing doesn't sound as bad as it did the first time it was brought up a couple of months ago.

So after His shower we went into the living room and relaxed for a little while. After that Master and I got ready and went out to dinner. It was just something we both wanted to do.

However, already it seems the weekend isn't going to be just Master and myself. *sigh* Again, one of our friends.. the one who always wants favors... called up and asked Master if He could come over this weekend and help him stack wood in the backyard for their fireplace. I'm not pleased. But what can I do? Master already told him that He would do it. So whatever.

Moving right along so I don't lose my good mood... Master stated that tomorrow we're going to look into a cell phone for Him. I had already called a few places and think we found the place we want to go through.

We watched a movie and Master was kind enough to work on my back. Then I took my bath and put on an outfit for Him. We watched another movie and now we're just trying to relax and not think a lot. We both needed the down time. Yes, I've been off of work since Sunday but I've been deep cleaning the apartment and been up and down emotionally because of Master being gone and then Him having such a long day yesterday.

I still can't seem to stop worrying when it starts getting rather late and I have no idea what is going on with Master. I start to wonder if He's been in a car accident or something. Yet another reason I want to get Him a cell phone. If something should happen right now, He really has no way to get a hold of anyone for help except relying on strangers. And that's never such a reliable source. Especially these days where no one can really trust anyone else, which makes people hesistant to stop and help someone.

It's 9pm. Do You Know Where Your Husband Is?

I was going to post this last night, but at that exact moment Master walked in the door. But before we go into that, lets back track.

This is the one thing I do not like about Master's job. I realize that His job is in part an emergency service. But I hate not being able to know what is going on. After a certain hour, I can't call His job site because their office phones shut off and it goes to an answering service. I could call His mother's boyfriend who works at the same job, but there is no guaranty that I'll be able to find that out because they might not be on the same job site and/or working the same hours.

Now yes, that is true on most jobs. You can't get a hold of your significant other while they are at work. When I'm at work Master can leave me a message on my cell phone and He knows I'll get back to Him when I can based on what is going on at work.

So I think I was a bit spoiled while He was down in Illinois because He had taken the cell phone and He would call me when He could to let me know what was going on, and I could call and leave Him a message if something was going on here.

Yeah, I know. "Well that's easy to fix. Just get Him a cell phone." You're right, but we have to decide if right now we can afford another monthly bill. So we'll be discussing that later.

But anyways, Master had started work at 7:30am. He didn't get home until 9pm. The paycheck is going to be nice, but holy shit. He had been out of town for two days. He got back on Wednesday and then worked more once He got back from Illinois. Then He worked a long ass day yesterday and is back at work today. Now like I said the paycheck is going to be good.

But Master and I have never been the type of people that live to work. We work to live.

So He walks in the door last night and you can see that He's pissed. He explains to me why the day took so long and it made sense as to why He was pissed. I won't go into the details, but lets just say His anger was justified in my book.

And then He says something that although He was pissed off and I understood why He was saying it, I thought it was very sweet.

He said, "I married you because I want to spend the rest of my life with you. Which means I want to spend every possible moment I can with you. Not so I could work for 13 hours, come home and see you for two and then go to sleep so I can get up at the ass crack of dawn and go back to work."

Maybe that's part of our problem. We are the hopeless romantics as far as wanting to spend every possible moment together. So when real life (jobs and what not) gets in the way of that.. it aggravates us even more.

Like I've always said our relationship isn't perfect. But the whole "Oh I want to spend every moment with you possible" isn't an act. It's the truth. And like I said I think that is part of our problem. Not that I'm complaining. I love the fact that we are this way, but it makes Him working such hectic hours hard on us.

What's that famous line people are tossing around Fet Life? Oh yeah. Suck it up, buttercup. That's right. And I do.

I don't nag Him for not being home. I don't say things like, "Well maybe if You were home more often.. blah blah blah.."

Because that's not how I am, and it's not how I feel. His job, when the hours are there, pays well. And we both have to work. We can't live on one income. We've tried that, it didn't work.

So last night we sat in the living room after His shower and talked. He vented and then once the venting portion was done (which is basically what this post is.. venting) we talked logically.

There are aspects of each of our jobs that we don't like. Hell there are some we down right hate. But does that mean we can quit? No. Does it mean that we can start job hunting? Yes it does. But we both need to get some "time" in at a job. The whole bouncing around from job to job thing, even if it is because you quit instead of getting fired, does not look good on a resume and hurts you rather than helps you when you are looking for a steady job.

So for now we deal with it. Who knows, perhaps after we get more time in at our respective jobs things will settle a little bit. Or maybe it won't, either way we'll get our time together when we can.

Star Wars Meets The Muppets

Can you tell I'm on a Star Wars kick lately? *giggles* I think it may be because I'm surrounded by Boba Fett. I found this at I Can Has Force?

Master's Home

Master is home! Yay! *happy dance*

Yesterday He called me around 2pm to let me know He was back at the shop. I jumped out of the chair I was sitting in and was about to start getting dressed, when He told me He couldn't come home right away. Damn!

So He told me that He would call me when He was ready for me to come pick Him up. So I continued cleaning the apartment. He called me again, although He wasn't ready to for me to come get Him. One of His coworkers, who is also His mother's boyfriend, had been in a small accident with one of the work trucks and He was on His way out there to help take pictures and all that happy stuff. No worries, everyone was fine. It was just a bump, but still they had to have it well documented on film just in case. So I then continued to wait and pace and wait and... well you get the point, yes?

Finally a little after 4pm Master called me and told me He was ready to go. So I hopped in the car and headed out. My original plan was to stop at the gas station before going to get Him so I could put gas in the car and all that, but I didn't think He wanted to wait any longer than He had to. So I went straight to His job and picked Him up. As I pulled up and parked He posed with His suitcase, like He was a male model pimping whatever suitcase that is. It was hilarious. So I had a huge grin on my face as He started laughing and getting in the car.

He gave me a kiss and then directed me as to which route He wanted to take home. Normally He hates playing passenger, but He had been doing a lot of driving. So we went home and as He was unpacking His suitcase He told me He had a souvenir for me. It's awesome! It's a little ashtray (perfect for the computer desk where I spend most of my "free" time) that is in the shape of a coffin (ironic isn't it?) with a little rock star grim reaper in the bottom of it. I love it! I gave Him a big hug and thanked Him.

He then took His shower and I called our friend B to tell Him that Master was very tired and didn't really feel like company tonight. Master was more tired than He originally thought by the time He got home. So we decided we would reschedule. After that I headed back out and stopped at the gas station, put gas in the car, grabbed soda and a pack of cigs for me, and then went and grabbed fast food for dinner. Yes, we're lazy.

Before dinner we had been joking around and I had almost crossed a line. I was giddy about having Master home and was just a mile a minute without thinking. I wasn't punished, but Master took great delight in forcing me to my knees by my hair and saying, "Did Kitten forget her place while I was gone?"

"No Master."

"This is Kitten's place isn't it?"

"Yes Master."

He then shoved His cock down my throat just long enough for Him to chuckle darkly before allowing me to get up off the floor and then start eating dinner.

While we ate dinner we watched Fringe. It's finally back on! I love that show. Now if only My Own Worst Enemy would get back on damn it!

When Master had first got home He said I had done a very good job cleaning the living room. *beams* I had also started on our bedroom but couldn't finish it because we need to move the bed and Master wanted me to wait on that. I had gotten most of the bunny room done too, but can't finish until we have the cage stands we want.

So anyways, we ended up watching a movie. Disaster movie to be exact. Oh my Gods that movie sucked. *shudders* Seriously, normally I love parody movies, but this one... holy shit... it blew! But Master was kind enough to work on my back while we watched this horrible movie. While taking out trash earlier that day I had slipped on ice and fell on my back. Nothing else, just flat on my back, like I was a fucking wrestler or some shit.

Once that movie was done we watched another one. Beer Fest. We'd seen it before and both find it funny.

When that movie was done we just sat in the living room talking. We eventually then retired to the bedroom and talked a little bit more. I tried to crack His back, but it didn't work. It felt like concrete, although that's not really anything new with His back. I keep telling Him that His back was built by NASA and the warranty has probably expired.

He keeps telling me that if His back was built by NASA then x-rays that He's had over the years would have shown such. I said no, because all the doctors in Wisconsin are in on it so they alter the x-rays. *nods knowingly*

We didn't have sex, but at least we got to curl up and I had my Husband in bed next to me. I slept like a rock. He had to go back in to work by 7:30am and it was already past midnight. He'd been pulling long shifts and hadn't been sleeping well in the hotel, so He was a tired Master.

This morning He came into the bedroom and woke me up long enough to give me a kiss and say goodbye. I had really missed that.

So today I got up around 11am. Yes I slept in. I woke up a little bit and then cleaned the bathroom. Now all that needs to be done is the kitchen and to finish the bedroom and bunny room. The last two I need Master's help on. The kitchen I'm doing tomorrow so I have something to do while He's at work again.

So there we have it. Master's home and I'm a very happy kitten.

Quick Update

I just wanted to hop on and do a quick post.

Master just called me (it's about 9:30am) and the phone woke me up so I wasn't very awake. I was just awake enough to read the caller ID and realize it was Master.

So I answered the phone and He asked if I had been sleeping. I said yes. He apologized for waking me up but He had great news! He's coming home today!

*jumps up and down* Apparently they didn't need Him and His coworker as much as they thought they did.

He doesn't know what time today but they sent Him from the job site to go back to the hotel and grab all of His things. So He is going to call me around His lunch break to let me know what is going on. He also doesn't know if when He gets back if He'll be able to come straight home or if they are going to want to keep Him at the shop. Meaning the shop that He normally works at.

But regardless, my Husband is going to be home today/tonight!! So rather than four nights/five days away from home, it was only two nights/two and a half days! I'm a happy kitten. Okay so now I have to go start cleaning something and try not to stare at the phone. *laughs*

Just Felt Like Writing

It's currently 2am and I can't sleep. I tried, but I can't. So I thought I would hop on here and do a post.

This may get very random, so don't mind me.

Master called again before He was going to fall asleep so He could say goodnight to me. It was good to hear His voice, even though I had just heard it an hour before hand. That doesn't matter. I greatly enjoy His voice.

In fact right now I swear I can hear Him saying, "You should get some sleep Kitten. You haven't been well today."

And He would be right. But I can't sleep. The bed is cold and lonely. I tried to sleep on my slave mat but I can't seem to fall asleep there either. My eyes keep flitting over to His recliner and then the door.So then I tried to sleep on His recliner. That just felt ... weird. I never sit in His recliner unless it is to sit on His lap while He's in the recliner. So I quickly got off of it.

I sound hopeless don't I? I mean He's only been gone a little over two days. But I'm lonely and I miss Him greatly. I don't know how some couples do it, where their spouse is gone frequently for business.

I mean if Master did get a job like that, we would find a way to make it work. But I don't know how much easier it would get, if at all.

I did manage to get some of my work clothes put into the closet (I'm moving them from the dresser to the closet to make room) and to sweep the hallway, but that was it for today.

Master promised that He would call tomorrow, probably around His lunch break. I can't wait.

I've been spending a lot of time with Ghost today. He's eating and drinking just fine thankfully but he keeps looking at the door and then looking at me as if to say, "Where is Dad?". So I keep promising him that Master will be home on Friday. Ghost and I curled up on my slave mat and watched a movie. He fell asleep halfway through it but if I moved my hand off of his scruff he woke up and looked at me like, "What's up?". So I just kept my hand on him, and that seemed to help.

Last night when I went to bed Ghost was already on Master's side of the bed with his head on Master's pillows. (Don't worry Master they were covered up with the comforter, so there isn't any puppy drool on them or anything.) He stayed up there the entire night, which is unusual for him but I think he just liked being on Master's side of the bed.

I've kept myself naked most of the time while I'm at home. When Master is home I'm naked or in lingerie. So it feels weird wearing clothes around the apartment. Although I fully admit that when I get cold I put on one of His sweatshirts. His sweatshirts could be dresses on me, I swear. They come down to my knees, so they are very warm and smell like Him.

Although tomorrow when our friend comes over I will be fully dressed. This friend is the one I am normally naked around when he comes to visit. But that is when Master is home. No way I'm being naked when He's not here.

Well I suppose I should get going. I should get some sleep since I was unable to nap earlier. And I have a lot of cleaning ahead of me tomorrow. Hopefully my sinuses will be done messing with me by that point.

Another Day Down

Day two of Master being away.

I got up at 9am and got ready to head out the door. I went down to my mother's and picked up a bunch of cleaning supplies and some clothes that she had for me. I stayed for a few hours and chit chatted, which was nice.

Then I went home. Once I walked in the door there were messages on the voice mail. Master had called a few times and so had a friend of our's. So I called Master back. He was actually at the job site today. Although all He did (as well as the coworker who went down there with Him) was sit in a truck all day. Easy money, but annoying none the less.

After I was off the phone with Him I called our friend back and he plans on stopping by tomorrow after work.

I tried to take a nap as I have not been feeling well all day. When I went down to my mother's I felt fine but the minute I got home my sinuses were acting up and I got sick a few times thanks to the drainage. But the dog would just not be quiet because one of our neighbors is moving out and were throwing shit around and making a bunch of noise. So I gave up on that.

So again today I didn't get much done. I got all the junk out of the apartment at least. But after that I felt a little dizzy and lightheaded, so I thought that cleaning and having the smell of cleaning supplies in my nose probably wasn't the best idea.

When Master called me to let me know that He was back at the hotel I told Him as much. I feel guilty because I took this week off to clean the apartment and I haven't done much cleaning yet. He told me not to worry about it. It sounded like He was proud of me for not pushing myself and making myself feel even worse.

He said that He may be leaving Illinois and coming back home sooner than Friday. It turns out that His job's headquarters didn't need the extra hands as much as they thought they did. I'm trying not to let my hopes get to high because that would just sting, ya know? If it were to be that He really didn't come home till Friday.

Master just got off the phone with me and is going to go grab dinner, but He'll be calling back before He goes to sleep. So I think I'll end this here and go lay down on my slave mat for a while.

Shut Up James Earl Jones

Okay so anyone who has seen the movie "Click" knows that line. And now, a funny video where  James Earl Jones voice clips have been placed into Star Wars. This is fucking hilarious. The first one I'm posting is the first one I ever saw, and my personal favorite.



Although this next one is also very, very funny. :-D



And this last one... well it has nothing to do with James Earl Jones but oh my Gods is it funny.

Still Weird

Yep. This is still weird.

Today after my last post, I started getting the things together that I want to toss the hell out. You know, stuff that just has been been in closets and shit like that that we never use, or is broken and that's where we tossed it at the time.

Then I realized that the dumpster for the apartment complex is overflowing so I couldn't take any of it out. But hey, at least it's all in one spot now. I swept and then kind of just tried to relax. I'm basically out of garbage bags and cleaning supplies so I couldn't do much else. I'm restocking tomorrow.

Master called me once He got to the hotel that He's staying at to let me know that His shift was done for now. He then had to go grab dinner so He said He'd call me back in about an hour.

He's good on His word. He called back almost exactly an hour later. He was exhausted. And understandably so. He's been up since like 3:30 this morning. It is currently almost 10pm. Yeah. He's a tired man. While we were on the call, I put the phone up to Ghost's ear and the minute he heard Master's voice He flinched away from the phone like "What the fuck?! Why is my father in this device?!" *giggles* Silly pup.

So we talked for a little bit and then said goodnight to one another. It's been about 4 years since either of us have slept alone. Well, with the exceptions of when I was being punished and I was sleeping on the floor and/or couch. But even then we were both under the same roof. Now, He's about four hours away and I'm here in the apartment and it's to damn quiet, with the exception of the dog pacing because he is expecting Master to be home and the dog barking because he's still in ultra protect mode.

Master isn't in His recliner playing video games. This may sound odd but I miss the sound of automatic gun fire coming from the TV and Master talking shit to the video game. *smiles*

I don't know how well I'm going to sleep tonight. Yes, I still get to sleep in our bed and I have His pillows to cuddle up to. But it's not the same. My walking furnace of a Husband won't be next to me.

You know a lot of our friends and coworkers were looking at us like we were nuts when we said this was going to be difficult. They were like, "You guys have been together for almost six years and married for almost two of them.....what the hell?" Like we are supposed to be looking forward to this time apart.

Well, we don't. We hate it. We're not "sick" of each other. We enjoy every moment we spend together. I mean yes, we've had our rough times. But it's made us stronger. I honestly don't enjoy alone time. Every time I have it I wish I was with Him. Call it sappy, call it clingy, call it what you will. It's just how we are.

I miss Him so much. This is the first night of the 5 days/4 nights we'll be apart. Three nights to go.

This Is Weird

Last night Master and I stayed up a little late, just trying to get some extra time together before He had to leave. Eventually, when we went to bed, we decided to just lay there and cuddle for a while.

I nuzzled my head against His chest, with the top of my head tucked under His chin. He held me to Him by the back of my neck and I ran my hand up and down His shoulder. We nuzzled a little every now and again.

We said I love you and then curled up and went to sleep.

This morning we got up at 4am. That is way to fucking early. Well actually, I got up at 4am. Master had been up since 3:30am and had already made sure to pack His toothbrush and toothpaste along with His comb. I got dressed and we were a little mopey as we got ready to head out the door. We stopped at the gas station and Master got His favorite coffee. He drove on the way there. We talked a little bit but not very much during the ride.

Once we got to His job the coworker that is going with Him on this trip came outside and I got out of the passenger seat and helped Master get His suitcase out of the back of the car. Master gave me a big hug and a kiss, told me He loves me and that He's going to miss me.

I then started to get into the driver's side and said goodbye to Master and then to His coworker. On the ride home I didn't cry but it came close. Yes, I'm a whimp damnit. I'm going to miss Him. Hell I already do.

I tried to go back to sleep but basically just tossed and turned. Master called me at 7am (He took the cell phone with Him) to let me know that He had arrived safely. I really appreciated that.

I dozed on and off for a couple more hours and then finally crawled out of bed. This is the week that I took off from work. So I'll be home all week, except when I run out to do errands.

As I'm sitting here I feel like I'm waiting for Him to come home from work. Like He is going to walk though the door around 5pm or 6pm. But that's not true.

In fact, as I was just writing that last sentence Master called on His lunch break. He gave me an update on what is going on. He does not sound happy. But I knew that He wouldn't. He asked me how I'm doing and I told Him that Ghost puppy is cranky.

He said that He'd give me a call later on tonight because He has to eat and then get back to work.

Last night He ran through the things I can use around the apartment in order to protect myself should anything happen. Yes, He worries. A lot.

He knows I know how to take care of myself. I moved out of the house I grew up in when I was 17. I've lived in some really shitty neighborhoods. But He is my Master, my Husband, and my protector. So He worries.

He told me where all the knives were (Master collects them and they aren't display pieces). He then reminded me that we have a baseball bat and where that is located, as well as all of His metal canes. Basically He went down the list of everything I could use as a weapon and assured me that Ghost will help protect me.

Ghost is a very sweet and loving dog. But he is also highly protective of his "pack". And his pack consists of Master, myself, and the rabbits. And he's a German Shepard/Husky mix. So he's a big pup. In fact, since Ghost has been awake he's realized that Master isnt' home and has decided that every single noise from outside and from the surrounding apartments is a danger and he must bark at it. It's slowly but surely giving me a headache, but he's listening to me when I tell him to go lay down or to be quiet, for the most part. Whenever Master isn't home he goes into ultra protect mode, as you can tell.

If I end up doing more than one blog post a day, it's because I'm taking a break in between cleaning and just need to jot stuff down. I want to keep this as detailed as possible so Master has an accurate log of what I've done while He's gone.

Five Days

Today we took it pretty easy. I was trying to keep my mind off the fact that Master is leaving tomorrow and won't be home until Friday. Notice the word trying in that sentence.

I didn't break down and start crying or anything like that. We just have been enjoying one another's time for most of the day. We got up around 9am and we went out into the living room to wake up a bit before starting our day.

He was sitting in His recliner and I went to go kneel in front of Him and He had just lit a cigarette. And of course when I'm kneeling in front of His recliner and He's sitting there naked... I'm basically at eye level with His cock. So I couldn't help myself. I leaned forward and took it into my mouth. He continued smoking His cigarette as I gave Him head. Once He was finished with the cigarette He placed both of His hands on the back of my head and didn't really guide me. He just made sure my head could only go so far back.

His cum eventually shot down my throat and then we relaxed a little bit more.

Shortly there after Master ordered me to the bedroom where He made use of me. He allowed me to cum three times before having me lay on my stomach with my legs together, crossed at the ankles. I bucked my hips against His thrusts and He filled my pussy. I cleaned Him off and then we got started with our day.

We took out trash and then I did His laundry. We've relaxed most of the day and watched movies and weird stuff on the computer. (The computer is in the living room.)

He talked to His mom. I talked to mine. He talked to one of our friends. We ordered out for dinner. We watched another movie.

It didn't feel real, the fact that He is leaving on a "trip", until we started packing His suitcase. I wanted to make sure He had everything because we have to get up at 4am. Neither of us think very well at 4am, and forgetting something would not be a good thing.

Then I took my bath and put on a nightie and put on make-up. I wanted to look nice for Him. And a little nicer than usual, you know? When I was done I knelt at His feet and He told me I looked good. He gave me a kiss and now we're just here. I'm doing this post and He's playing video games. It's only 9pm so we still have some time together.

And in case anyone is wondering, yes I will still be posting during the next 5 days. Just because He's not home doesn't mean that I get a "get out of blogging for free" card. *laughs* I'm still required to do my daily blogging. It some what reminds me of how this whole daily journal thing started.

It started when we were about six months into our relationship. I was going to Minnesota for 5 days (what is it with the 5 days thing?) for job training at the time. He gave me a notebook and told me He wanted me to write in it at least once a day so that He knew what was going on with me while I was gone. Then I was to hand it over for Him to read once He picked me up from the airport and we got back to my apartment.

So I did. I wrote in it multiple times through out the day. And although we talked every night we still really missed each other. When I got back He read it and He enjoyed it. And I had really liked writing it. So it stuck. In the beginning I used paper journals. Then eventually I started a blog. Originally it was over on blogger. I still kept up with my hand written journal for quite some time. But then I was like, "Why am I writing basically the same thing in two different places?" Plus this saves on paper and Master knows that I type faster than I write things with pen and paper. Not to mention this is easier for Him to check/read.

So there you go. The story of how I started writing for Him.

Star Wars Fix

Yes. I admit it. Master has transformed me into a Star Wars geek. *hangs head* I can't help it! Honest. It's His fault... er... sort of. When I first met Him I liked Star Wars (the movies) but now.. I love the movies and the books and I'm a much bigger fan. So, as I was browsing You Tube, I found some hilarious videos regarding Star Wars.

Kaya, if you're reading this... this first video is your fault. You mentioned Michael Jackson. Wait until the last group performs. Oh. My. Gods. Here is the 2008 Star Wars Dance Off. It's strictly 80's music. And since I'm an 80's child.. I can appreciate it.



This next video is the 2007's dance off. I think 2008 is better, but this is still pretty funny. Get ready for some disco.

16 Hours And Counting..

That's how long I've been awake right now. I'm tired, but I'm not sleepy, if that makes any damn sense. And that's after getting only four hours of sleep. So yeah, if this post isn't very coherent. Shoot me. :-p

Master and I had gone to my father's house last night and ended up staying a lot later than we had originally planned. And of course, because we didn't think we'd be there that late we didn't eat dinner before hand. So once we were done there I was starving. So we stopped at a restaurant and had dinner. By the time we got home it was a little after midnight. Since we got home so late and I had to get up early Master allowed me to skip doing my blog post for the night.

Master and I stayed up for a little while because neither of us were ready to go to sleep. We went to bed around 1am.

And of course, because I like to torture myself apparently, I couldn't fall asleep right way and then I had to get up at 6am. Hence the four hours of sleep.

I went to work and after my shift I stopped at the gas station and then came home. My eye doctor appointment was at 4:30pm. By the time I got home it was damn near 4pm. But we still made it on time, kind of. We were about 5 minutes late.

They did a screening and then the doctor saw me. He told me that I did need a slightly stronger prescription but it is still very minimal. He told me that it is completely up to me if I want to wear them all the time or if I want to only wear them when I'm reading and on the computer. However, he did suggest that I wear them all the time for the first few days so that my eyes can get used to them.

So Master helped me pick out two pairs of frames (they are cute) and I was very self concious about the whole thing. Vanity and what not, ya know? So afterward Master squeezed my hand and told me that I looked great in the frames we had picked out and told me not to be self concious at all because He'll always find me beautiful. *sappy music here*

Seriously though He's a great man and a great Husband. I love Him. :-D

We then went to the pet store and got Ghost some dog food and Scooby Snacks. After that we went to Best Buy and picked up the latest Alice Cooper album "Along Came A Spider". So far, from what we listened to in the car, it's not bad at all.

We got dinner and then came home. Master gave me a nice long backrub and then had me take my bath. So now I'm wearing a nightie with a matching short robe. It's more sexy than slutty, but Master still likes it. ;-)

Now we're just trying to relax and I'm trying to stay away. I'm dead on my feet at the moment.

It's Fucking Cold

Yay! Two days in a row where the word fuck is in the post title. Whoo-hoo!

It is fucking cold out. I was so happy when the car started this morning. Okay, so I wasn't thrilled that I was going to work or anything, but at least I could get there.

This morning I got up when the alarm went off, got ready for work and then went to the gas station. I got soda and cigarettes so Master wouldn't run out for the day. I didn't want Him walking down to the gas station when it is below zero out. I dropped the stuff back off at home and kissed Master's forehead as He continued to sleep before heading back out into the cold and went to work.

Work was busy but doable. It wasn't as hectic as it was the past couple of weeks, so that's a bonus. Hopefully it'll die down a bit more as we go into February.

I called Master on my lunch break to see what He wanted to do for dinner. He said He wasn't sure yet, so I said I would call Him again on my way home from work. I did just that and He had me stop off at a fast food joint and pick up dinner. Quick. Easy. Done.

So when I got home we ate and I warmed up a bit before being a bit more affectionate. After we were done eating I took my bath and put on a body stocking and now I'm here, doing this post.

I have to go into work again tomorrow to be trained on a new application that is essential to my job. Joy of joys. As I was walking out to the car this evening after my shift I was like, "Yay! Tomorrow's Friday!" Yeah. It is. But unlike most weeks I don't have off. Blah.

Thankfully it is only a 5 1/2 hour shift. I seriously doubt it'll take that full amount of time, but ya never know. I should be home by 3pm at the latest.

Of course most of the customer base that I deal with live no where near here, so they were all telling me about how it's "cold"... at 70 degrees. Fuck. I miss 70 degree days! And it's only January! So then I tell them what it is here and they ask how we survive. *laughs* One customer asked me how we run our city when she asked how much show we got, and I told her it was about 6 inches. I was like, "What do you mean?". She told me that when they got an inch... ONE inch... they shut the whole city down. Not only shut the city down.. but shut it down for THREE days. Three days!

If that were the case here, no one would ever be open from like the middle of December up through March... Funny thought.

Fuck Me Running

Last night was incredible. Absolutely incredible. Master had me suck His cock, He ate me out until I wanted to scream and then He claimed me. Amazing.

Today, however is apparently a day of suckage. And not the good kind either.

Master and I had gotten up together and got ready for work. He headed out and we said goodbye. I finished getting ready for work and then B came to pick me up. It took about an hour to get down to my job. A trip that normally takes about a half hour, at most. Damn snow and people not knowing how to fucking drive in it. I don't trust most people to drive me anywhere in conditions like this. Pretty much just Master and myself. But B is a very good friend of ours and Master trusts him, so I trust him. And he is a very cautious driver, so that puts me at ease. We made it there safely, so that's all that matters.

When I got to work and actually went to my desk after hiding out in a break room for a while, I saw an e-mail telling me that they had switched my days off for next week. Instead of having Friday off, they wanted me to take Monday off and work Friday. Why? Because Monday is Martin Luther King Jr. day and they weren't expecting to be that busy. This week I have to go in on Friday due to training. I'm used to my schedule being very rigid. I like it that way. I can easily plan how I'm getting to work and back home now that we're down to one car. So when I saw this I was like, "How the hell am I gonna work this one?!"

Then I remembered that I had scheduled next Saturday off for the sole purpose of getting a three day weekend to clean the apartment and get some other things done around here. Well now that was shot to shit because they changed my days off. So what did I do? I scheduled the whole week off. Fuck it. That gives me a whole week to clean the apartment, and at the time I thought.. to spend lots of time with my Husband.

So on my lunch break I call home and leave a voice mail for Master telling Him about the change. I hadn't scheduled the week off at this point so I didn't mention that. Then, later in the evening, Master calls and leaves me a voice mail telling me He's going out of state for the entire week next week but has the next four days off.

He's pissed. I mean fucking livid. His job description did not include travel, and the little travel they do wasn't something where He was going to be shoved into a hotel for a week at a time.

So when He comes to pick me up He vents about it and then I tell Him how my plan back fired. He asked me what I meant. So I told Him that I had scheduled the entire week off (the week He's going to be gone) so I could not only clean but be with Him. Ugh.

I almost immediately start to explain that I can cancel the whole thing and schedule a different week. He pondered that for about a millisecond and then told me not to cancel it. Why? Well, Ghost (our dog) isn't going to know up from down because his Dad (Master) isn't going to be home for an entire week.

Master has raised Ghost since he was 10 months old. Ghost is now 10 years old. I came into the picture when Ghost was 4 years old. Master is Ghost's one constant. The parent.

Ghost does love me, but I'm not Dad. So because Ghost is going to beside himself (and lets face it .. so am I) Master would feel better if I kept the week off and stayed home with the animals as well as take care of the apartment. And that way He also doesn't have to worry about me being on the road and Him being 2 - 2 1/2 hours away. I'm a good driver and He trusts my driving skills, it's just everybody else on the road.

So to summarize.. Master has the next four days off and I work all of them except Sunday. I have all of next week off and He isn't going to be in town. Gah.

This is why I'm not allowed to beat my head into a wall/desk/anything else.

I know. I know. We have the rest of our lives together, what's one week? But damnit in the entire damn near six years we've been together we have literally only ever gone six days without seeing one another. And since I've moved up here? Not one night has been spent apart. That's damn near four years right there. This blows.

Everyone at His job was so excited and going, "Hey you get the hours.. you get to go away for a week.. etc.." and Master is standing there going, "Yeah.. but I don't get to be with my wife, my animals..."

Hand In Hand?

I'm wondering if there is a connection here.

Yes, Master is still very sore and very tired from His job. But since we had our talk and I started acting more docile towards Him and going back to the way things are supposed to be, the affection level has gone up. As has the amount of sex. Bonus.

I'm not trying to make it sound like our relationship is all about sex. It's not, honestly. But, as I've stated before, I have a very high sex drive. Add to that the deep connection I feel with Him while we are having sex... well it just makes me crave it more.

So I'm wondering if there is a connection there. The more docile I am, the better our sex life is. I don't think Master was trying to use that as a form of punishment or anything of that nature. You know the whole "Well you're not being very slave like.. and so.. no sex." I truly believe there is a connection.

It is sort of like the more Dominant He is the more submissive I feel and the more horny I get. It's a dominio effect.

We've had a really good evening together. We got to watch some movies and joke around, which is wonderful. After my bath I put on a body stocking for my Master.

I feel less stressed out right now. I think this can be attributed to a few things.

1. We talked about what was going on and it's over with now.


2. We've been more affectionate lately.


3. We've had sex three days in a row. Sex is a great stress reliever.

There are probably other things too, that I'm just not thinking of. But as I'm typing this I'm also trying to think of what words will come next. As Master told me to sit down and do my blog post, I admitted that I wasn't sure what to write. So I'm just sort of rambling right now.

I'm just glad that we're doing better. We were just on a minor detour that's all. And now we're back on track.

We're Okay

Seriously. We are.

After reading Master's post we talked. After my blog post, we talked more. And the conversations we had were calm and we were very affectionate with one another.

Some of the comments that Master received on His blog seemed... what's the word... harsh?

He does realize I'm human and that I make mistakes. He does not treat me like an emotional (or physical for that matter) punching bag. Also, He does not treat me like I'm nothing but a fuck up or I'm not worth His time. I get that it may have come across that way in His post, but trust me that was not His intent. He was disappointed in me.

I'm the one who fucked up here. Yes, it is on me to do as I know I am supposed to do. I was not following the rules because I thought I was helping. Well, I wasn't. I disappointed Him. He normally doesn't say anything to see if I'm going to correct myself. He tests me. And when I don't correct myself (or explain myself as the case may be) He either says something or He posts about it and then we talk.

Part of the reason we blog is to get our thoughts down and to sift through them as we're typing. It helps make conversations (verbal) go a lot smoother, such as last night. Last night is a great example. I saw where He was coming from, He saw where I was coming from.. we talked... we solved it.. and it's done. Master has decided not to punish me. I am being given another chance to redeem myself.

And by that I do not mean He was ready to leave me over any of this or anything of that nature. I just mean that He is giving me another chance before I would be punished for my mistakes.

So no worries. We're just fine. We hit a rough patch, I was not as "helpful" as I had intended to be and I didn't say anything about it until it was to the point where He was sick of waiting for me to correct it. Again, a mistake on my part.

I'm not beating myself up about it. Last night and today Master and I have been joking around and being goofy and affectionate with one another. Master told me a long time ago that I am not allowed to "dwell" on things. Why? Because I have a history of depression and it is not a road Master wants me to go down again. There for I am to learn from my mistakes, and move past them rather quickly so that I do not have the time to dwell on it.

Last night when Master and I went to bed I had on one of my newer outfits. Master liked it a lot and showed me that by having me get on all fours to please Him. He allowed me to cum several times before filling me. Finally I was able to use my mouth on His cock. *sigh* I've missed that. Yay for the cold sores being gone!

Today however I learned something that kind of crushed my hopes of returning to college, at least for now. You see, I had been planning on waiting until my one year anniversary at my job (which will be this Spring) and then applying for tuition reimbursement. That's all well and good but then I talked to a co-worker who had actually done so. She told me that after you graduate from the college, you have to stay with the company for another year or you have to pay it all back. Um, yeah. I have no problem with that except for the fact that my job gets "fire" happy. Not that I'm a bad employee, I'm really not... but seriously they have no problem firing some of their best employees for things that can sometimes be out of our control.

So I don't want to go back to school, get my degree, and then get fired or quit because I find something else and have to pay all that money back with interest. I have enough student loans for right now, thank you.

One day I'll go back. But it definatley won't be this year, and it probably won't be in 2010 either.

Repeat

While I was gone today visiting family, Master did a blog post about how I have been lax on my scenting and my begging. He also mentioned my tone.

After I read the post I asked if He was mad at me. He said no, He had said what He wanted to say.

So after I was done with the laundry, we had finished dinner, and a movie had just ended. So I bowed down in front of Him to beg. He asked if it was because of what He had said. I said that was part of it. So He asked me what the rest was. So I knelt in front of Him and explained.

I told Him that I hadn't been scenting because of my cold sores. Yes, I've been washing my hands all the damn time and using hand sanitizer, but I didn't want to run the risk of the cold sores ending up in places they really don't need to be, via my hands. He understood.

I then explained that with my begging whenever I have gone to do such by kneeling at His feet and being affectionate first He's always seemed sorta down. As a result, of course, I've asked Him what's wrong. He tells me it is because His daughter has not responded to His e-mails. (Trust me I fully understand where that would cause such emotions.) And after He tells me that I don't think it is appropriate to go ahead and beg anyways.

It's not so much because it seems awkward to bend over with my ass basically in His face after He mentions His daughter, but more the... it feels like I would be bothering Him more. You know, like a reminder of.. oh yeah... and then we've been lax on that too. Just adding more onto His plate.

Now I'm sure Master would have understood these things a lot better had I brought it up before He had done His blog post. You know, like when it was happening. Because I'm an idiot I kept my mouth shut.

I should have said something. I should have asked if He wanted me to go ahead and beg anyways.

His job stresses Him out. He's tired and He's sore when He comes home. Now yes, I get stressed out at my job as well. But my job is more because of the idiots I'm having to deal with, not the tasks I am set to. Master on the other hand is stressed because He only ever knows the start time of His day the night before and then never knows when He's getting out of work. On top of that the things He deals with puts other peoples' health, as well as His own, in potential danger.

He is sore because He has a very physically demanding job. I'm sore because of a preexisting condition that decides to flare up every now and again. Totally different reasons.

Then since the 1st, when we first met His daughter He's been wondering if she's going to call, if she is going to send an e-mail back.. etc. He's been under a lot of stress and I was trying to be a good girl and not stress Him further by going, "Yeah.. over here. Me! Me! Me!".

And so this cycle repeats itself. Every time we have a lot of stress going on, and less time together it is like I back off thinking I'm helping by not adding more stress on His shoulders and I don't say anything as to why I'm backing off. And then He doesn't say anything about it until He just is sick of it and does a blog post about it.

He hasn't told me that I am going to be punished. I don't know if I am or if I'm not. But for fucks sake I need to break this cycle, at least on my end. Master wouldn't get sick of it and do a blog post if I would say something as to why I'm backing off in the first place.

I think I'm helping and apparently I'm actually just making matters worse.

Since He's gotten His job there is a lot of changes that both of us have had to get used to. So let's go down the list shall we?

1. We've had to juggle everyone getting to work and back home, a long with all of our errands with one car.


2. New sleep schedules for both of us.


3. Never knowing fully what is going on because of His work schedule being ever changing.


4. He met His daughter for the first time and we are both still trying to wrap our heads around that. As a direct result He is e-mailing her and waiting to hear back which is leaving Him wondering which way to jump.


5. More stress as a result of everything.


6. Our finances. We're getting a better grip on things, but we're still trying to figure out an actual budget.


7. Less time to be intimate. Our sex life was about four to five times a week if not more. Now? It's more like once a week, if that. Again this is a direct result of the added stress and still attempting to adjust to the new sleep schedules.

I think that about covers it. So when I was thinking I was helping by not reminding Him of how little time we actually have together and for the intimate things, I was actually adding more stress because the consitancy of my begging and certain other things were then gone as well. And it needs to stop. I need to learn to just open my big fat mouth and go, "By the way my love 'x', 'y', and 'z' is why I'm doing 'this', 'that', and 'the other'. What are Your thoughts, and how should we fix this?"

By just backing off and not saying anything I'm actually taking some of the control away from Him. This is not my intention, but it's the cold hard truth of the matter. So for that I am sorry.

And it's like Master said in His blog post. It is most certainly a pattern. One that I do not mean to happen, but it happens none the less. And each time it happens neither of us say anything until we reach the point we're at right now.

There must be something wrong with me. You'd think I'd catch on.

Sweet Release

I got laid last night and it was incredible. :-D I feel much better now.

Last night Master and I went to bed and He had allowed me to dress up for Him. I had chosen a mini dress where my ass is bare. It is one of my personal favorites. You can see it here. Master of course loves it because He's an ass man.

Since I still can't kiss Him (which is maddening by the way because I love to kiss my Master) He took to using His mouth in other ways. *smirks* He bit my neck over and over again. I love His teeth and He knows just how to use them. As He was biting my neck He alternated between roughly molesting my tits and fingering me. Eventually He got between my legs and entered me rather roughly. Almost immediately He ordered me to cum and after I had finished asked me if I felt any better. *giggles*

He knelt up and bounced me off of His cock for a while before I asked to ride Him. He laid down on His back and got comfortable. I straddled Him, and with one quick movement of my hips had Him inside of me again. I rode Him very hard, hardly slowing down in between my orgasms. Eventually He grabbed my hips and with His hands demanded that I keep riding Him harder and faster. When it got to the point that I thought I was going to scream, I said "Please Master I need it where it hurts." (When I am riding Him the head of His cock always hits this one spot that eventually gets very sore but in a delicious way. And when I said I need "it" He knew I meant His cum.) That sent Him over the edge and He began to fill me, sending me into yet another orgasm.

Afterward, we had a cigarette and went to sleep. I don't know what it is about sex, but I always feel so... docile the next day. It may be a playful docile but my submission feels so... deep. I'm on a natural high at the moment and have been all day.

Today we had some errands to do. One of which was to go to a friend's house. We'll call him L. (Yay for initials!) L is a huge Star Wars fan, and his house is a testament to that. Well while we were there I saw that he had a Boba Fett figure that Master has been dying to have for quite some time. We can no longer find it in stores and we can't find in stock online most of the time when we actually have the money to cover it.

So I asked L where he had gotten it, in the hopes that they might have more. He told me he had bought it at Target, although it was quite some time ago. He asked me why so I explained. He already knew that Master collects Boba Fett memorabilia, so I didn't have to explain that part. So L asked if we wanted to buy it off of him. I asked how much and he said $30. So we got it. He asked if were were looking for anything else Boba Fett related and we said yes and asked what he had in mind. He ran upstairs and grabbed another piece and said we could buy it for $20. Hell yes! So we spoiled Master a little bit today, but it was so worth it. We can't find either of these in stores. And we can't find them online for this cheap, especially when you tack on the shipping charges. So that was awesome.

Then Master and I grabbed a bite to eat and came home. Master wanted to put up His latest Boba Fett pieces and so I had to clear off the bottom part of the computer desk. (The Boba Fett collection is on the computer desk.) So I got to thinking and asked Master if I could have permission to run to Walgreen's and pick up a three drawer organizer cart. He said yes, so I did so. Now we have a place for all the stuff that was on the desk that was somewhat cluttering it up and ta-da! There was room for the two new pieces.

It looks awesome. Now the computer desk has nothing but Boba Fett stuff on it. It's like we have a bounty hunter protecting the computer. *giggles* Oh man. Is my nerd showing again? Yep. It sure is. But I'm okay with that.

As we were putting up the two Boba Fett pieces Master asked me if I was actually "into" His collection. He said, that in His experience, women may "support" their boyfriend's/husband's/significant other's collections and interests and say, "Yeah hun, that's cool." .. things of that nature and eventually get sick of it or they just play along and were never really interseted to begin with.

So I explained to Him that I actually have always liked Star Wars and the character Boba Fett. I of course got into it more after I met Him because then I had someone to explore that with and talk about it with. So no, I'm not sick of it.. and I pretty much think His collection kicks ass and I will do anything I can to help Him build it.

Me? I'm just sticking with collecting tigers. *smiles*

"Cemetary Gates"

I'm not a huge Pantera fan, but I love this song. And lately it's been stuck in my head for apparently no reason. As a result, I figured I should post it. Here we go..

Glasses

I think I've mentioned in previous posts about how I need to get my eyes checked and probably need better glasses.Well, today Master had to work and I have the day off so I decided to research some places that are close by.

We don't have vision insurance so it's all going to be out of pocket expense.

A few years ago I had a job where I had to read a lot of small print I had noticed how it was getting harder to do so, and things were getting a little fuzzy when I was reading. At that time I did have vision insurance and so it wasn't as big of a deal. It turned out that I needed glasses only for when I was reading or I was on a computer.

I admit, that since I never needed glasses before that I was self conscious about it. I didn't like wearing them. I still don't really like wearing them. Due to the type of insurance that I had, I had to go with a rather cheap pair because the "nicer" eyeglasses were not covered by the insurance and it was not an expense that I could afford. They are plastic frames, and so not all that durable and in my opinion not very "attractive".

I also admit that because I didn't like wearing them when I first got them I only wore them at work and not at any other time. Stupid of me, because that's probably why these glasses aren't cutting it anymore. My eyes seem to have gotten worse.

It also probably does not help that I am at a computer for 8 hours a day, 5 days a week just for work and then when I get home well.. computers are my guilty pleasure so where am I? Yep. At the computer.When I got the job I'm at currently I started wearing my glasses at work and then would take them off and never wear them at home.

Now? Yeah. I wear them if I'm on the computer or if I'm reading a book. Other than that I don't wear them because I can see everything else pretty much fine. There is a bit of fuzziness, but nothing to bad.

Again, I don't like wearing them because I don't feel... sexy in them. I do not feel I look as good with them on. Sad, isn't it?

Master says I look fine in them. He's biased. ;-)

So after I'm done taking care of the dog this afternoon I decide to start researching some eye care places that are relatively close by. Holy shit are some of these places expensive! And some of their customer service really sucks.

What I would do was find a place's website and do a store search. Then, since most of them didn't have price lists online, they only had sale advertisements I would call them. I asked how much an eye exam was first and then write down the price and call the next place.

The "bigger" companies that I called were of course more expensive but when I called and asked for times they were there and the prices they were pretty snotty on the phone. One of the places, after I inquired about their prices immediately started pressuring me to make an appointment. I very politely informed the receptionist that I was not ready to make an appointment because I was still trying to figure out  my options and choose the best one for me. I thanked her for her time and she said, "Well, you know.. just because we take walk ins doesn't mean it's a good idea. You really should make an appointment."

So I said, "I understand that ma'am. I will call back to make an appointment if I decide to go to (insert name of company here)." She said, "Fine," and then hung up. Yeah, so not going there. I wouldn't care if they had been the best deal out there, although they aren't.. if they act that way on the phone I'm not letting them fuck with my eyes! No way. (I work in customer service. I have all my life. So I'm very big on that when I am seeking service from a business.)

Then I find a place that is running a deal where you get a free eye exam and you buy two pairs of glasses for around $70. Wow. That's a good deal! So I figure that I better call and see what their "normal" prices are, thinking that this deal is only a limited time and we may not have the money while the deal is going on.

I get a wonderful lady on the phone and she answers all of my questions very politely. She tells me the price of an exam without purchasing glasses, which is very reasonable.

She then tells me that the free eye exam and two pairs of glasses for $70 runs all the time it just depends which frames are included. Right now it is included most of their frames and runs until the end of the month. She even offered up the information that if the eye care doctor feels my eyes need to be dilated that it will cost an additional $20, which I appreciated. She gave me their store hours, told me how long it would take for my glasses to be in, etc and so on. So I ceased my search and decided that that is were I'm going to go once we do have the funds for me to make an appointment.

1. Great deals.

2. Wonderful customer service.

3. Close to home.

Yes. We have a winner! The problem is going to be finding a time where I can make the appointment once we figure out when we'll have the funds and also when we'll both have off of work so Master can take me in case they do have to dilate my eyes. We'll figure it out.

I wish I could get contacts. I really, really do. But they are expensive and I have an astigmatism, which means it's even more expensive. Fun. Oh well. Glasses it is.

Yay For Thursday Being Done!

Can you tell I'm not much for creative blog post titles lately? Yeah. I've noticed too. *laughs*

Today. Sucked. Big. Time.

I got up when Master did. Well, actually I got up when Master's alarm went off. He was awake already because His internal body clock apparently hates Him. So anyways, I got up at 7am and went into the living room with Master. We sat and talked a little bit before He headed off to work. He gave me a hug and kissed the top of my head several times before we exchanged "I love you"s and He headed out the door.

I then got ready for work and B picked me up a little bit before 8am. We chit chatted on the way to work and he updated me on how him and his family are doing. He dropped me off and I had some time to kill before starting my shift. So I hid in a break room. I didn't want to do overtime today. As it was before Master left I was debating calling in because I woke up with a headache and well, in a somewhat pissy mood because I hadn't slept well.

But I did go to work and I did my 8 1/2 hours. Well, technically 8 hours when you take out the half hour lunch. But I count it, because I'm still there.

Work was again busy as hell. It's probably not going to slow down until oh... about April? So the next couple of months are going to suck. Then I find out that they are implementing a new application at work which we all have to be trained for. Well, they don't want to take away from our actual jobs for the 5 1/2 hours of training... so they scheduled it on our normal days off. On one hand... this is good because it'll mean 5 1/2 hours of overtime. On the other hand.. it sucks because I have to figure out how I'm getting there and back that day as it is not something we were expecting and also that means I only get one day off that week. Bleh. This is going to be next week. So yeah, I'm not looking forward to that, but I'll enjoy the extra money on the paycheck.

So I was stressing a bit and then on my last break I notice there is a voice mail from Master to let me know He's home. I enjoy that He does this because it means I get to hear His voice before I see Him when I get off of work and I get to hear Him say, "I love you" and "I miss you". I'm greedy.

That made me feel a lot better and made the last three hours of work go by a little bit quicker.

When Master picks me up from work He tells me that we're going out for dinner which I was excited about. So we went to one of our favorite restaurants and relaxed and joked around while we ate.

When we got home I noticed that it was getting really close to the time where my custom CSS subscription here on WordPress was about to run out! Eek! No! So I inform Master of this and He asks how we're doing on finances. I tell Him and then He tells me to go ahead and renew it for another year. Yay! I get to keep my pretty blog! *happy dance* He spoils me.

Master had one hell of a day as well, and we're both dead on our feet. But from the sound of things He'll have an easier day tomorrow and may even get out early. So hopefully we'll have some time together tomorrow. We have time together right now of course, but we're kind of like zombies at this point. Zombies who have only enough energy to play a video game and/or type. *giggles*

And Then It Was Wednesday

This is one of those weeks where I feel like I'm just going through the paces. Get up. Go to work. Come home. Repeat.

And I have no idea why. I mean each night Master picks me up and we go home and relax. We joke around and we have a good time. But it's like before you know it, it's time to go to bed and repeat the cycle. Some weeks feel like this, while others.. for some unknown reason.. don't.

I think part of it is because work is so damn hectic right now, which is stressful and pissing me off. But hey, that's life.

As Master posted today He hasn't had much energy lately. And I know I've been saying things like, "I miss having sex." ... "Maybe tonight?" .. etc. And it's not like I'm trying to make Him feel bad. I'm honestly not. I guess I'm trying to let Him know that I want Him. That I enjoy and miss being intimate with Him. (And by intimate I don't just mean intercourse..)

But things have been so hectic lately. Our jobs are both really crazy right now. The holidays just got over with. And now it's again like everyone wants to see us at once. Family, friends, etc. This person wants to do this, that person wants to do that.. and then hey! We could all do this! Yay!

Ugh.

I enjoy spending time with our friends and family (usually) and that's great. I know this weekend is probably shot, but I'm hoping that next weekend won't be and Master and I can get some alone time in, for more than just a few hours in a day.

During His four day weekend we didn't get a full day in. On my four day weekend we didn't get a full day in. Bleh.

Okay I'm gonna stop whining now.

Seriously.

And hopefully, my cold sores will be completely gone soon. As it is they are healing pretty damn fast! Yay! I think within a day or two they'll be gone.

On my way home from work Master and I were talking and we had hit a point in the conversation where we were talking about a funny story He had told me about Himself that happened before I met Him. And I pointed out that it had happened before I met Him and we were laughing. Then I stopped and said, "Wow. That's weird to say." So He asked me what. I said, "To say "before I met You." So He asked why.

I said, "Well I've known You for like... 98% of my adult life. And it feels like I've known You forever, but not in a bad way." And He smiled at me.

But it's true. I met Him literally, 2 weeks after my 20th birthday. I'll be 26 this March. And because we know each other so well and we are the way we are, it does feel like I've known Him forever. And I love it. Because I love Him. :-D My goofy, sexy Master. ;-)

They Work

Well, I'm a happy kitten today. Yes, I had to work today and it was busy as hell. But I'm not in a bad mood, surprisingly. I remember Master waking me to say goodbye. We couldn't kiss of course because I still have those cold sores, which will hopefully be gone very soon.

But I remember Him kissing my forehead or my cheek, I can't remember which because I was half asleep. But I love those half awake goodbyes where I remember Him doing it, but it's sort of dreamy, you know?

I slept for about another hour before getting up and getting ready for work. Our friend B came to pick me up and we talked on the way to my job.

Work was, as I said, extremely busy. Master had left me a voice mail message before my first break because He had been sent home really early due to a lack of things to do around the shop. I was a little jealous cause He was home and I wasn't. ;-) But I was also glad that He was getting some down time. My Husband works hard every day He's at work and He never knows when He's getting out.. it's just one of those jobs... so I know He needed the rest and relaxation of just having some down time.

When I called home on my lunch break, our conversation was filled with jokes, "I love you"s and "I miss you"s. I don't know what it was.. we talked for about 20 minutes. It was nice though. It left me with a smile and made my day a little brighter.

I had taken one of those new multivitamins that I was talking about in my last post, and man do they work! They are a daily multivitamin that is supposed to help with energy. Normally by mid day I'm dragging tail.. but today I was energetic. Even a little hyper, which made it kind of difficult to sit most of the day.. but that's okay. It's now 10:33pm and I'm not dragging or feeling exhausted. It seems these things really work, and I feel great. Let's hope it's not one of those things that my body gets used to and then I stop taking them. That wouldn't be good.

Master came to pick me up from work and we talked on the way home. We ate dinner and then watched a movie. It was actually pretty funny. It's called "Forgetting Sarah Marshall" or something close to that... either way it was pretty good.

Now Master is just relaxing and playing His video game and I'm doing this, my blog post.

Is it just me or are people not writing much right now? I know it's still a busy time of year, but I miss reading certain blogs... *shrugs*

I'm glad I have this blog. I may not always have a lot to talk about (like today apparently.. cause I'm babbling..) but still even when I'm just rambling on about something it feels good to sit down and get things out of my head, even if it is nonsense.

Today all I know is that I can't wait until these cold sores are gone, I love my Husband very much, and I can't wait until Friday! *laughs*