Masks

We all wear masks. In fact we wear them most of the day.

I wear mine whenever I am at work, and even when I am with friends and family. I don't mean to say that I try to put on an act when I'm with friends or family, but there are certain aspects of myself that they do not know. There are certain parts of myself that I don't want them to see.

I think everyone does this. I think I do it without even realizing it until later when I can finally relax and not have to worry about it.

At work.. I'm Ms. Ultra Polite Customer Service.

With friends.. I'm Ms. Wacky Chick But Not Too Far Out There.

With family.. I'm Ms. Quirky Kid Who Makes Us Wonder Sometimes.

Then there are the times where I'm with my Husband. With Him, there are no masks. And when I first realized that there was no need for the mask camouflage when I was with Him is when I really fell hard for Him. *smiles*

I didn't have to hide any aspect of myself from Him. In fact He wanted to know the deeper, darker things that I had never shared with anyone else before. And that is so..... freeing. When I come home (as long as we don't have company anyways) I can just be me. No one else. No hiding. No mask, or partial masking needed. I don't have to wait until absolutely no one is around.

And if I have something that I wouldn't dare tell anyone else (for fear of being judged) floating through my head I know I can talk to Him about it. And that is healthy for me. I don't have to bottle it up and never let it see the light of day. It can all hang out and He doesn't judge me. He doesn't look at me like I'm crazy or morbid or any number of other things. In fact that is how we get into our hours long conversations sometimes. One of us with say something totally out there and then we start talking about it and before you know it we've been all over the map, twice.

And I like to think that He feels that same freedom with me. I mean, I know He tells me everything and I know He can talk to me about anything.. but I don't know if He feels that freedom that I do.

And I really don't know if I'm making any sense to be honest.

I don't know what brought on this topic. I think maybe it was because I've noticed just how much I can't be myself in most situations. Especially right now when work is so hectic and I'm trying to make a name for myself there so I can move up in the company now that I've decided to stop bitching and buckle down and go for it.

Sure, Ms. Ultra Polite Customer Service is an aspect of myself. But it's not all of me. And at work, a lot of myself can't be displayed, even when I'm just outside on a break with coworkers. I have to watch what I say and do.

Let's face it normally I'm not all that fucking polite. *laughs* I curse a lot. A lot. I am not politically correct. I'm blunt. I can be a snarky bitch. I can also be a highly sarcastic bitch. I'm an all in one bitch really. ;-)

But if Ms. Ultra Polite Customer Service wasn't an aspect of myself, I sure in the hell couldn't do my job. I would have been fired ages ago.

And I really enjoy the fact that there are many things about myself, and things that I think about, that only Master knows. It's like our own little secret club and no one else is invited. And I like that I know so many things about Him that people who have known Him all His life have no idea about. And even if they did, they wouldn't understand. But I do.

Here I am, having only been a part of His life for about 6 years and I know things that His best friend for decades don't know and will never know. Like I said, it's our own secret club. I think that's how mates should be. Mates should have their own secret club where they are the only two members.

Gods am I making any damn sense? Can you tell I'm tired? Ah well. I know what I'm trying to say and I'm sure Master will. So, I'm sorry if this post has you looking at the screen sideways. I'm rambling and I'll cut it here.