Well, it's Wednesday. Normally by this point I'd be happy simply because it was hump day. This week is different though. I have a four day weekend. Monday our office is closed and I took Friday off of work. So, that makes today my Thursday. Although that does get confusing. My brain tricks me sometimes. For a while I thought it really was Thursday. Due to that line of thinking my brain actually tricked me into thinking that my paycheck would hit tomorrow.
But of course my brain was lying to me. My paycheck doesn't hit until two days from now. *sigh*
I can't complain too much. At least it's a short work week. And next week will be too, since the office is closed on Monday. This weekend Master and I don't have a lot planned. We have some errands to run and on Saturday I am going down to visit my mom. Her and I will hang out for a while and do some bumming around before I leave.
I'm now trying to get used to this new dashboard that Blogger has. I like it a lot better than the last format. It's more... crisp I guess is the way to put it. That of course doesn't effect anything that you, the readers, see on my blog. It's just the background stuff. I'm sure I'll still have to play with it a bit to see where everything is and what all has changed.
By the way, why does time go so fucking slowly when you want it to go by quickly? I want it to be Friday damn it! (The real Friday.)
My journey through life, love, submission, & pain. Mature & graphic content.
August 31, 2011
August 30, 2011
Identity
I was flipping through some journal prompts today and I found one that I actually thought would make an interesting post. Normally I only go to the prompts if I have absolutely nothing to talk about. Now, while I do have stuff to talk about it's nothing that I want to talk about. It's nothing horrible. It's just more of the same. And I miss blogging about our dynamic. I really do, but "normal" life creeps in and suddenly takes over my thought pattern and it's hard to focus on the dynamic itself as it is the one thing that has not changed, mean while everything else is.
I feel bad about that. Our dynamic is very important to me, as I know it is for Master as well. So I am doing a post about it damnit! *stomps foot* So there.
The prompt was regarding identity. It is actually several questions in one prompt but I chose the question that was the most interesting to me.
Do you ever fear of losing your own identity or sense of self within your service?
While I could give an incredibly short answer, that's not the point of doing a blog post. So you shall get the longer explanation instead.
I do not fear losing my identity within my service to Master. If anything, it strengthens my sense of self. I was only 20 when I met Master. He plucked me and started shaping me when I was just a young adult. So in a way, you could say that He has shaped my entire adult life. I'm only 28 and I understand that, but when you've just recently turned into a young adult, you're still trying to figure out who you are. You may think you have an idea of who you are, but in all honestly you're still trying to get a grip on it.
Because of that, I would say that I would not be who I am today if I had never met Him. Not to mention the fact that I have many different "identities" or "masks" just by being His and being with Him. Let's just go down the list shall we? (These are in no particular order by the way.)
I don't know if I would have been any of those with anyone else. Most likely not. Until I met Master I didn't ever think about submission. I thought about kinky sex, but not submission. Those are worlds apart, trust me. I also never really thought about marriage. Hell, when I first met Him I told Him that marriage wasn't a big deal to me. Then as time went on I realized that I really did want to be His wife, which is why I asked Him to marry me.
I honestly don't think anyone else besides Him could have "tamed" me. I wasn't a wild child or anything. I was just very stubborn and very much a "Fuck you very much" type person. Well, I still am, but He can pull me short. Especially now that I'm on medication for being bipolar. The looks He gives me are recognized for what they are (warnings) a lot sooner than they use to. The quick sharp tone when He says my name, or my pet name. All of it sinks in quicker and pulls me up short. Sometimes, yes I'll still push my luck but I feel I am doing much better now that I am medicated. Sometimes stress still fucks me up, but I really am trying to be better.
I actually think being His slave has actually given me more character and a better sense of who I am and who I can be.
I feel bad about that. Our dynamic is very important to me, as I know it is for Master as well. So I am doing a post about it damnit! *stomps foot* So there.
The prompt was regarding identity. It is actually several questions in one prompt but I chose the question that was the most interesting to me.
Do you ever fear of losing your own identity or sense of self within your service?
While I could give an incredibly short answer, that's not the point of doing a blog post. So you shall get the longer explanation instead.
I do not fear losing my identity within my service to Master. If anything, it strengthens my sense of self. I was only 20 when I met Master. He plucked me and started shaping me when I was just a young adult. So in a way, you could say that He has shaped my entire adult life. I'm only 28 and I understand that, but when you've just recently turned into a young adult, you're still trying to figure out who you are. You may think you have an idea of who you are, but in all honestly you're still trying to get a grip on it.
Because of that, I would say that I would not be who I am today if I had never met Him. Not to mention the fact that I have many different "identities" or "masks" just by being His and being with Him. Let's just go down the list shall we? (These are in no particular order by the way.)
- Slave
- Wife
- Mate
- Personal Secretary
- Sex Toy
- Best Friend
- Accountant
- Nurse
I don't know if I would have been any of those with anyone else. Most likely not. Until I met Master I didn't ever think about submission. I thought about kinky sex, but not submission. Those are worlds apart, trust me. I also never really thought about marriage. Hell, when I first met Him I told Him that marriage wasn't a big deal to me. Then as time went on I realized that I really did want to be His wife, which is why I asked Him to marry me.
I honestly don't think anyone else besides Him could have "tamed" me. I wasn't a wild child or anything. I was just very stubborn and very much a "Fuck you very much" type person. Well, I still am, but He can pull me short. Especially now that I'm on medication for being bipolar. The looks He gives me are recognized for what they are (warnings) a lot sooner than they use to. The quick sharp tone when He says my name, or my pet name. All of it sinks in quicker and pulls me up short. Sometimes, yes I'll still push my luck but I feel I am doing much better now that I am medicated. Sometimes stress still fucks me up, but I really am trying to be better.
I actually think being His slave has actually given me more character and a better sense of who I am and who I can be.
August 29, 2011
Sleep Is Overrated
Yesterday I had slept in later than I had intended to. That actually happens frequently on the weekend. Not that it's a bad thing. But when it's on a Sunday it makes it really hard to go to bed on time that night.
Last night I had asked Master if I could stay up until 12:30am. He said He would think about it. We watched Netflix and relaxed. I had already taken my shower and done my blog post earlier in the evening to make sure Master and I could just relax. That was nice.
Then midnight rolled around. I was looking at the clock, dreading bed time. I wasn't tired at all. I was wide awake and I hate laying in bed doing nothing but tossing and turning. It just makes it harder to sleep. At least it does for me. But Master had other things in mind. He ordered me to the bedroom and laid down next to me. We fucked and it was great. It started off more gently than usual. Master was on top of me, holding me to Him. We don't do that a lot so I think that's why it means more to me when it does happen.
As we continued of course it got rougher. *smirks* I don't think we've had straight up gentle sex in a long time. I'm not complaining, just merely stating a fact.
When we were done Master allowed me to sit in the living room for a little while. But once the clock went past 1am He told me I had to go to bed. I pouted. I told Him I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay up and read. (I recently got a new to me used book.) Master was firm about it though. He told me I had to go to sleep, no questions, no procrastinating. He gave me a hug and a kiss and sent me off to bed.
Sometimes having a bed time really sucks. I know it's for my own good, but when you're not tired and you just want to stay up and read or talk for a while, it's a bit annoying. However, once I got to bed it only took me about a half hour to fall asleep. I honestly thought I would be more tired this morning. But I wasn't. In fact my day went rather well and I'm still not tired. Hell, I didn't even have to catch a second wind of energy. Nope. Just comfortably sailing through the day with out being tired. It's only 8:40pm and I already have taken my shower and am now finishing up my post. Which means that I get more down time with Master before I have to go to bed.
Last night I had asked Master if I could stay up until 12:30am. He said He would think about it. We watched Netflix and relaxed. I had already taken my shower and done my blog post earlier in the evening to make sure Master and I could just relax. That was nice.
Then midnight rolled around. I was looking at the clock, dreading bed time. I wasn't tired at all. I was wide awake and I hate laying in bed doing nothing but tossing and turning. It just makes it harder to sleep. At least it does for me. But Master had other things in mind. He ordered me to the bedroom and laid down next to me. We fucked and it was great. It started off more gently than usual. Master was on top of me, holding me to Him. We don't do that a lot so I think that's why it means more to me when it does happen.
As we continued of course it got rougher. *smirks* I don't think we've had straight up gentle sex in a long time. I'm not complaining, just merely stating a fact.
When we were done Master allowed me to sit in the living room for a little while. But once the clock went past 1am He told me I had to go to bed. I pouted. I told Him I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay up and read. (I recently got a new to me used book.) Master was firm about it though. He told me I had to go to sleep, no questions, no procrastinating. He gave me a hug and a kiss and sent me off to bed.
Sometimes having a bed time really sucks. I know it's for my own good, but when you're not tired and you just want to stay up and read or talk for a while, it's a bit annoying. However, once I got to bed it only took me about a half hour to fall asleep. I honestly thought I would be more tired this morning. But I wasn't. In fact my day went rather well and I'm still not tired. Hell, I didn't even have to catch a second wind of energy. Nope. Just comfortably sailing through the day with out being tired. It's only 8:40pm and I already have taken my shower and am now finishing up my post. Which means that I get more down time with Master before I have to go to bed.
August 28, 2011
Ink Craving
When my brother was up here last time he was telling me that he finally wants to get a tattoo. Okay, I know finally seems like a harsh word, he is only 26 years old. But, I started getting ink at 18. I'm now 28 and I have 11 tattoos. So.. yeah. To me it's a late start.
He was saying that he knew what he had in mind and we searched online for something he might like. He found one that he wanted, but he couldn't find the other one. (He has two in mind currently.)
Since that point I hadn't given it much thought. Then a few nights ago he sends me a picture message on my cell phone. He found the other one he wants. I have to admit that it looks pretty kick ass. He had told us that he wants us both there. He knows that whenever one of us goes to get a tattoo the other is there. And since it will be his first he's a bit nervous about it, so he wants his big sister and brother-in-law there for support. No biggie. I'm more than happy to go with. So is Master.
Since that text conversation though I've had ink on my mind. I know exactly what I want next. It's not really a "new" tattoo. It would be a touch up and small extension of one of my existing tattoos. I just want a little something added to ink I already have and have the rest of it touched up while it's getting done. It was my first tattoo. I got it when I was 18. Since it was my first one I didn't exactly take the best care of it. It's not all fucked up or anything. It's a tribal piece and the only way I can describe it is that it has "cracks" in it. Basically when it healed I "helped" the flaking skin come off. That was a dumb idea. So now there are small lines in the tribal where the skin wasn't quite ready to flake off yet.
I don't know how much it will cost. But I really want it done. Badly. And Master has a tattoo He wants touched up as well. So the ideal situation would be that when my brother goes Master and I could get our stuff done too.
There are a few problems with that. One, I have no idea when my brother wants his to be done. He is having me take him to our tattoo parlor so at least I know where. When remains to be seen. Secondly, I don't know when I'll have the money available to do this.
I've thought about just finding the flash I want added to my first tattoo, sending it in an e-mail to the tattoo artist we normally go to and then go there, tell him how I want it done and ask how much that would cost including the touch up. Then see how much the touch up for Master's would be. Total that up plus tip, then I'll know how much I need. I don't think it'll be overly expensive honestly, not for how tattoo prices go anyway. Regardless of that fact Master and I don't have a lot of spare cash just sitting around. So it'll have to be either saved up for or budgeted in for one of the paychecks.
He was saying that he knew what he had in mind and we searched online for something he might like. He found one that he wanted, but he couldn't find the other one. (He has two in mind currently.)
Since that point I hadn't given it much thought. Then a few nights ago he sends me a picture message on my cell phone. He found the other one he wants. I have to admit that it looks pretty kick ass. He had told us that he wants us both there. He knows that whenever one of us goes to get a tattoo the other is there. And since it will be his first he's a bit nervous about it, so he wants his big sister and brother-in-law there for support. No biggie. I'm more than happy to go with. So is Master.
Since that text conversation though I've had ink on my mind. I know exactly what I want next. It's not really a "new" tattoo. It would be a touch up and small extension of one of my existing tattoos. I just want a little something added to ink I already have and have the rest of it touched up while it's getting done. It was my first tattoo. I got it when I was 18. Since it was my first one I didn't exactly take the best care of it. It's not all fucked up or anything. It's a tribal piece and the only way I can describe it is that it has "cracks" in it. Basically when it healed I "helped" the flaking skin come off. That was a dumb idea. So now there are small lines in the tribal where the skin wasn't quite ready to flake off yet.
I don't know how much it will cost. But I really want it done. Badly. And Master has a tattoo He wants touched up as well. So the ideal situation would be that when my brother goes Master and I could get our stuff done too.
There are a few problems with that. One, I have no idea when my brother wants his to be done. He is having me take him to our tattoo parlor so at least I know where. When remains to be seen. Secondly, I don't know when I'll have the money available to do this.
I've thought about just finding the flash I want added to my first tattoo, sending it in an e-mail to the tattoo artist we normally go to and then go there, tell him how I want it done and ask how much that would cost including the touch up. Then see how much the touch up for Master's would be. Total that up plus tip, then I'll know how much I need. I don't think it'll be overly expensive honestly, not for how tattoo prices go anyway. Regardless of that fact Master and I don't have a lot of spare cash just sitting around. So it'll have to be either saved up for or budgeted in for one of the paychecks.
August 27, 2011
A Dare....
Master and I were sitting here and I was asking Him what the hell I should write about. The day has been rather relaxed and lazy. Nothing of interest has happened. Etc. So I kept bugging Master to give me something to write about.
Well we were joking around and I, for some reason, said I should just list a bunch of Lonely Island videos. This was a smart ass comment on my part. However, Master said, "Only if you listen to them first."
My response? "I accept that challenge Sir!"
So.. this is a dare post. I'm sorry it's not all that in depth. But these guys are fucking hilarious. So at least that much.
First: "I Just Had Sex!"
Second: "Jizz In My Pants."
Third: "3-Way (The Golden Rule)"
Fourth: "Threw It On The Ground"
Fifth: "Jack Sparrow"
Sixth: "Boombox"
Well we were joking around and I, for some reason, said I should just list a bunch of Lonely Island videos. This was a smart ass comment on my part. However, Master said, "Only if you listen to them first."
My response? "I accept that challenge Sir!"
So.. this is a dare post. I'm sorry it's not all that in depth. But these guys are fucking hilarious. So at least that much.
First: "I Just Had Sex!"
Second: "Jizz In My Pants."
Third: "3-Way (The Golden Rule)"
Fourth: "Threw It On The Ground"
Fifth: "Jack Sparrow"
Sixth: "Boombox"
August 26, 2011
Finally
I didn't post last night because all I could think to write about was my job. I try not to do that too much. It's not really what I want the blog to be about. It just feels... boring. And I highly doubt any of you really find it all that interesting. I could be wrong.
To make a long story short, yesterday I was working so quickly to try to catch up since I got slammed with work that morning that finally at 4pm after 8 1/2 hours of just doing nothing but busting my tail I had to slow down. My left shoulder was having a muscle spasm. A pretty bad one at that.
Today I came into work with what I wasn't able to finish yesterday and what was piled onto my desk this morning. But, somehow, I knocked it all out and will be walking into a clean slate on Monday.
When I got home from work Master and I had some errands to run. So we quickly knocked those out and I've been pretty lazy since then. My shoulders are screaming at me. I'm a bit irritable because of it. I'm trying not to be and I'm sure in another hour or two my muscles will finally start to relax. As soon as my body realizes it's the weekend the better off I'll be. I know that may sound odd, but I've been so stressed lately that my body is just tense all over, and not in a good way. I have way to much working against me when I'm stressed. My fibromyalgia. My tendency for migraines which, knock on wood, hasn't happened yet. I lost my appetite. That happens when I'm stressed out. Master was lecturing me about that earlier this evening.
He told me I had to eat something and I just really did not want to. But because I'm hypoglycemic I have to eat or I end up worse off. Not good. I ate. It wasn't a lot but at least I ate something.
So now, I'm going to try and get my body to catch up with my brain and remember that the weekend is finally here so I can relax a bit now.
To make a long story short, yesterday I was working so quickly to try to catch up since I got slammed with work that morning that finally at 4pm after 8 1/2 hours of just doing nothing but busting my tail I had to slow down. My left shoulder was having a muscle spasm. A pretty bad one at that.
Today I came into work with what I wasn't able to finish yesterday and what was piled onto my desk this morning. But, somehow, I knocked it all out and will be walking into a clean slate on Monday.
When I got home from work Master and I had some errands to run. So we quickly knocked those out and I've been pretty lazy since then. My shoulders are screaming at me. I'm a bit irritable because of it. I'm trying not to be and I'm sure in another hour or two my muscles will finally start to relax. As soon as my body realizes it's the weekend the better off I'll be. I know that may sound odd, but I've been so stressed lately that my body is just tense all over, and not in a good way. I have way to much working against me when I'm stressed. My fibromyalgia. My tendency for migraines which, knock on wood, hasn't happened yet. I lost my appetite. That happens when I'm stressed out. Master was lecturing me about that earlier this evening.
He told me I had to eat something and I just really did not want to. But because I'm hypoglycemic I have to eat or I end up worse off. Not good. I ate. It wasn't a lot but at least I ate something.
So now, I'm going to try and get my body to catch up with my brain and remember that the weekend is finally here so I can relax a bit now.
August 24, 2011
It's One of Those...
It's one of those journal prompt days.
How do you avoid burnout? How do you speak up if there is too much on your plate?
Well the easiest answers are: "I'm not very good at avoiding a burnout. I do not really speak up when there is too much on my plate unless I absolutely have to."
Wouldn't be much of a post if I ended it there, would it? Yeah. I didn't think so.
Burnout for me can either take almost no time at all and I know that I have too much on my plate right away. As a result I don't keep burning myself out. There is no more need to try and handle it all myself. After that I can relax and feel more comfortable with what I have to do/deal with.
On the other hand there are the times where I just keep going, and going and going.. until I crash about three weeks later and I'm not really sure of the reason. Well, at least not just any one reason.
I can't really seem to avoid getting burned out. At least not very often. Normally I don't even notice there is too much on my plate until I crash and burn. Then I'm like.."Oh yeah. Huh."
I'm not sure why. It may be because I'm a rapid cycling bipolar or maybe it's just because that's how I am. Maybe both. Some people may argue the fact and say that I'm just afraid to ask for help. I'm not. It's just that I am so focused on the shit that needs to get done I don't normally even think to ask for help. I become so focused on the shit inside my head and/or what's in front of me that I get tunnel vision.
There are other times though that it is just so damn obvious that I am overwhelmed with a task/thought pattern I ask for help right away. But I do have to say those are few and far between.
How do you avoid burnout? How do you speak up if there is too much on your plate?
Well the easiest answers are: "I'm not very good at avoiding a burnout. I do not really speak up when there is too much on my plate unless I absolutely have to."
Wouldn't be much of a post if I ended it there, would it? Yeah. I didn't think so.
Burnout for me can either take almost no time at all and I know that I have too much on my plate right away. As a result I don't keep burning myself out. There is no more need to try and handle it all myself. After that I can relax and feel more comfortable with what I have to do/deal with.
On the other hand there are the times where I just keep going, and going and going.. until I crash about three weeks later and I'm not really sure of the reason. Well, at least not just any one reason.
I can't really seem to avoid getting burned out. At least not very often. Normally I don't even notice there is too much on my plate until I crash and burn. Then I'm like.."Oh yeah. Huh."
I'm not sure why. It may be because I'm a rapid cycling bipolar or maybe it's just because that's how I am. Maybe both. Some people may argue the fact and say that I'm just afraid to ask for help. I'm not. It's just that I am so focused on the shit that needs to get done I don't normally even think to ask for help. I become so focused on the shit inside my head and/or what's in front of me that I get tunnel vision.
There are other times though that it is just so damn obvious that I am overwhelmed with a task/thought pattern I ask for help right away. But I do have to say those are few and far between.
August 23, 2011
Tuesdays Aren't Much Better
Well, as most of you already know my grandfather is not in the best of health. He's still ticking and the old man could be around for another year for all I know. Stranger things have happened. But just to be on the safe side I asked HR if they had any sort of policy on bereavement leave.
Apparently, regardless of who in your family passes away you get two days off. So, it could be your child, your parent or your spouse, etc. Two days.
Interesting. So I asked if I could use one to attend the funeral and another for the will reading. She said no. Apparently bereavement leave at my place of employment is strictly to be used for "funeral needs". So I'm assuming that means the wake and the burial, if the deceased has a burial and if it is not the same day. The days have to be consecutive. You can not space them out. If there is no burial and it is only a wake, then I won't have an "excuse" and will only get one day. Even at that, while I'm almost numb from grief I also have to remember to request a note from the funeral home stating that I was there at such and such a day and my relationship to the deceased.
If the funeral (wake/burial) is on the weekend, I do not get to use any bereavement leave as I do not work on weekends.
These days are unpaid, which really doesn't surprise me. But what the fuck dude? I can't break them up? Okay, lets say only a wake is given, but I have to go to a will reading which is a few days later. Well, I can only use the leave for the wake. The will reading I have to do on my own time. Never mind everything else.
Morbid, I know. I'm not sure if this is out of the ordinary or not. I've never had to ask about bereavement leave. Maybe this is perfectly normal and I personally just don't think it is being handeled correctly.
I know I need the money on my paycheck, and I know I don't have any paid days off left until March. But having said that I also know that I am going to do what I am comfortable doing. If that goes over the allotted time, I'll make the time up. I talked to Master about this already and He agreed with me.
Apparently, regardless of who in your family passes away you get two days off. So, it could be your child, your parent or your spouse, etc. Two days.
Interesting. So I asked if I could use one to attend the funeral and another for the will reading. She said no. Apparently bereavement leave at my place of employment is strictly to be used for "funeral needs". So I'm assuming that means the wake and the burial, if the deceased has a burial and if it is not the same day. The days have to be consecutive. You can not space them out. If there is no burial and it is only a wake, then I won't have an "excuse" and will only get one day. Even at that, while I'm almost numb from grief I also have to remember to request a note from the funeral home stating that I was there at such and such a day and my relationship to the deceased.
If the funeral (wake/burial) is on the weekend, I do not get to use any bereavement leave as I do not work on weekends.
These days are unpaid, which really doesn't surprise me. But what the fuck dude? I can't break them up? Okay, lets say only a wake is given, but I have to go to a will reading which is a few days later. Well, I can only use the leave for the wake. The will reading I have to do on my own time. Never mind everything else.
Morbid, I know. I'm not sure if this is out of the ordinary or not. I've never had to ask about bereavement leave. Maybe this is perfectly normal and I personally just don't think it is being handeled correctly.
I know I need the money on my paycheck, and I know I don't have any paid days off left until March. But having said that I also know that I am going to do what I am comfortable doing. If that goes over the allotted time, I'll make the time up. I talked to Master about this already and He agreed with me.
August 22, 2011
Mondays Ruin Everything
The worst part of a perfectly good weekend is knowing that Monday is just around the corner. Although last night that did not stop me from enjoying my Sunday evening. In fact, Master let me stay up late. My normal bedtime is between 11pm to 11:30pm. It depends on a few things. It depends on how I'm feeling, how tired I am and what time Master feels I should go to sleep.
Well last night Master took me into the bedroom and played with me. It was amazing. He ate me out and fingered my ass before having me suck His cock and ride Him. While I was on top He told me to dance for Him. So I raised my arms above my head, crossed them at the wrist, and rocked my hips slowly, in a belly dance type style. No, I don't know how to belly dance but honestly that's the best comparison I have. As I did this I got closer and closer to an orgasm. As a result I ended up bucking my hips as hard as I could. He commented on how it went from a lap dance to a bump and grind. He smirked as He said this. I got off hard and couldn't keep my arms up any longer. The orgasm took a lot out of me.
After a few more orgasms Master had me lay on my back. He told me that because I had been such a good girl that day I would be allowed to continue to cum at will. When I'm on top and when He is eating my pussy I am allowed to cum when I want to. Other than that He orders me to. So for Him to say that I can cum at will is a rather big reward.
He was very rough with me and I was already sore from the night before. By the time we were done I was so sensitive that when He went to scent me I whimpered and did my best to not close my legs. I achieved that goal thankfully. Master then kissed my forehead and told me that I had to go to sleep now. It was 12:30am by that point. So He tucked me in (have I mentioned how much I love that?) and said goodnight.
Then this morning had to arrive. When my alarm went off I sat up, turned it off and looked at our bedroom clock. At first I thought it said 2am. I blinked a few times and wondered why the hell I had set my alarm so early. But then my eyes focused a bit better and I sighed as I realized that it was in fact 6am. I had slept well, but I still felt like I hadn't gotten enough sleep. This may sound silly but I think part of it is because I didn't really sleep in a lot this weekend. The past two days I had been getting up at either 8am or 8:30am. Yes, that is later than 6am but on the weekends I'm not used to getting up until about 10am as long as I have no where to go. Then again Master and I normally stay up until about 3am. So yeah.
I was groggy as hell but I got out of bed and got ready for work.
Today went by so damn slowly. It sucked. I am pretty sure part of it is because next week I have a four day weekend thanks to Labor Day. So the week before a long weekend always seems to take forever.
Well last night Master took me into the bedroom and played with me. It was amazing. He ate me out and fingered my ass before having me suck His cock and ride Him. While I was on top He told me to dance for Him. So I raised my arms above my head, crossed them at the wrist, and rocked my hips slowly, in a belly dance type style. No, I don't know how to belly dance but honestly that's the best comparison I have. As I did this I got closer and closer to an orgasm. As a result I ended up bucking my hips as hard as I could. He commented on how it went from a lap dance to a bump and grind. He smirked as He said this. I got off hard and couldn't keep my arms up any longer. The orgasm took a lot out of me.
After a few more orgasms Master had me lay on my back. He told me that because I had been such a good girl that day I would be allowed to continue to cum at will. When I'm on top and when He is eating my pussy I am allowed to cum when I want to. Other than that He orders me to. So for Him to say that I can cum at will is a rather big reward.
He was very rough with me and I was already sore from the night before. By the time we were done I was so sensitive that when He went to scent me I whimpered and did my best to not close my legs. I achieved that goal thankfully. Master then kissed my forehead and told me that I had to go to sleep now. It was 12:30am by that point. So He tucked me in (have I mentioned how much I love that?) and said goodnight.
Then this morning had to arrive. When my alarm went off I sat up, turned it off and looked at our bedroom clock. At first I thought it said 2am. I blinked a few times and wondered why the hell I had set my alarm so early. But then my eyes focused a bit better and I sighed as I realized that it was in fact 6am. I had slept well, but I still felt like I hadn't gotten enough sleep. This may sound silly but I think part of it is because I didn't really sleep in a lot this weekend. The past two days I had been getting up at either 8am or 8:30am. Yes, that is later than 6am but on the weekends I'm not used to getting up until about 10am as long as I have no where to go. Then again Master and I normally stay up until about 3am. So yeah.
I was groggy as hell but I got out of bed and got ready for work.
Today went by so damn slowly. It sucked. I am pretty sure part of it is because next week I have a four day weekend thanks to Labor Day. So the week before a long weekend always seems to take forever.
August 21, 2011
Enjoyable Weekend
I know that I haven't done my blog post the last two nights. But there is a good reason. About a month ago Master and I had made plans for my brother to come up to spend the night. I know that may sound weird, but we live 45 minutes apart and when I do go down there I'm torn in all sorts of directions because I don't go down very often. He can't come up without me picking him up because it's doubtful that his car would make it up here.
So when I do go pick him up we try to make it so that he spends the night, that way we all get more time together and it doesn't feel like a "waste" of gas money.
So, on Friday after I got out of work I went to my doctor appointment and then headed straight to my home town and picked up my brother. We chit chatted on the way up. When we got home the three of us just relaxed. After a while we decided that even though we didn't have a lot of money we wanted to bum around a bit.
So off to the mall we went. Yes, we went to the mall to just bum. There is a used bookstore right outside the mall so we stopped there as well. My brother found a book he wanted, I found one I wanted and then Master found the last book He needed to finish a complete collection of a story arch He absolutely loves. Believe it or not He's been working on this collection for at least a couple of years. Some of the books are not easy to find. This last book we had only ever found online and it wasn't exactly affordable. Like I said, some of the books are really hard to come by. But there we were and it was staring right at Him. So how much was this book? It was $7. You're damn straight we bought it. Yay! His collection is complete!
After that we hit the mall and just looked around. Immediately after that we stopped at a fast food restaurant and had an early dinner. Once that was done we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things before going home.
Once there we just talked, watched movies and Master and my brother played video games while I nerded out a little on the computer.
It was at about 1:30am that I was so tired that I was starting to get lightheaded. So I apologized to both of them and excused myself so I could go to sleep. I think it's wonderful that Master and my brother get a long so well that I don't feel awkward about leaving them to entertain themselves without me. They stayed up until 3:30am before calling it a night.
The next day my brother and I got up at about the same time. Master was still sleeping when I came out into the living room and my brother and I were sitting there talking about what time he wanted to go back home. He wasn't sure. He was rather indecisive about it and so was I. There wasn't really a rush but I also didn't want to wait until late afternoon/early evening to drive 45 minutes one way and back. Master woke up shortly there after and sat down with us and talked for a while. I'm honestly not sure how the topic came up but it was decided that my brother would stay one more day. It wasn't a "I don't want to drive" type situation. We just hadn't seen him in a while and were having a good time hanging out with him.
So now we're on Saturday. I had some errands to run so we all went and knocked those out. The rest of the day was spent talking, watching Netflix and things of that nature. Last night my brother ended up falling asleep while we were watching Iron Man 2. It was rather late/ early. I think it was about 2am. So when the movie was over Master and I were very quiet as we put things away, shut down the computer and turned off the TV. We went to the bedroom and chilled for a while before closing the door so we could fuck and then opening it back up right before we went to sleep.
Today my brother had to be back at his place by 9am because he has some things he had to take care of. I hate setting an alarm on the weekend but there really was no choice. So I got up, got ready and took him home. He said he had a blast, so that made me happy.
When I got home Master and I talked for a while and realized that we had a bit more breathing room than we originally thought as far as finances. So He had me look into movie times. We hadn't been to a movie since the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie came to theaters, which was a bit over a year ago and we hated the movie. We both wanted to see The Rise of the Planet of the Apes. We were hoping they had a showing time that was early enough so we weren't going to be getting home too late in the evening.
Thankfully they had one at 2:15pm. Whoo-hoo! I wore the new black dress I had bought about a month ago that I hadn't had a chance to wear. Master enjoyed it and said I looked really nice. The best part about this date of ours? Well there were a few so lets go down the list.
This wasn't one of those times. We both agreed that it was a lot better than we had thought it would be. We were pleasantly surprised. So now we have had a date! Master and I really enjoyed it and are glad we spent the money.
When we got home Master and I relaxed for a bit. Master saw that I was pretty tired as I had not gotten a lot of sleep last night. But He told me I couldn't take a nap. I grumbled a bit and He stood up and grabbed my collar. He lifted me off the couch and ordered me to the bedroom.
I laid down on my stomach and He used me. It was delicious. Once He was done with me He said something I was in no way what so ever expecting.
"What time should I wake you up?"
*blinks* He had just said I couldn't take a nap. Apparently what He meant was that I couldn't take a nap until He got His rocks off. Fine by me! *grins*
So I said in an hour. He kissed my forehead and said He would let me sleep for an hour and a half. He tucked me in and told me to sleep well before leaving the bedroom.
He just woke me up about 45 minutes ago so I thought I would knock my post out. I knew I had quite a bit to blog about so I figured the earlier I started it the less rushed it would be. So yeah, that's been my weekend. How was yours?
So when I do go pick him up we try to make it so that he spends the night, that way we all get more time together and it doesn't feel like a "waste" of gas money.
So, on Friday after I got out of work I went to my doctor appointment and then headed straight to my home town and picked up my brother. We chit chatted on the way up. When we got home the three of us just relaxed. After a while we decided that even though we didn't have a lot of money we wanted to bum around a bit.
So off to the mall we went. Yes, we went to the mall to just bum. There is a used bookstore right outside the mall so we stopped there as well. My brother found a book he wanted, I found one I wanted and then Master found the last book He needed to finish a complete collection of a story arch He absolutely loves. Believe it or not He's been working on this collection for at least a couple of years. Some of the books are not easy to find. This last book we had only ever found online and it wasn't exactly affordable. Like I said, some of the books are really hard to come by. But there we were and it was staring right at Him. So how much was this book? It was $7. You're damn straight we bought it. Yay! His collection is complete!
After that we hit the mall and just looked around. Immediately after that we stopped at a fast food restaurant and had an early dinner. Once that was done we stopped at the grocery store to pick up a few things before going home.
Once there we just talked, watched movies and Master and my brother played video games while I nerded out a little on the computer.
It was at about 1:30am that I was so tired that I was starting to get lightheaded. So I apologized to both of them and excused myself so I could go to sleep. I think it's wonderful that Master and my brother get a long so well that I don't feel awkward about leaving them to entertain themselves without me. They stayed up until 3:30am before calling it a night.
The next day my brother and I got up at about the same time. Master was still sleeping when I came out into the living room and my brother and I were sitting there talking about what time he wanted to go back home. He wasn't sure. He was rather indecisive about it and so was I. There wasn't really a rush but I also didn't want to wait until late afternoon/early evening to drive 45 minutes one way and back. Master woke up shortly there after and sat down with us and talked for a while. I'm honestly not sure how the topic came up but it was decided that my brother would stay one more day. It wasn't a "I don't want to drive" type situation. We just hadn't seen him in a while and were having a good time hanging out with him.
So now we're on Saturday. I had some errands to run so we all went and knocked those out. The rest of the day was spent talking, watching Netflix and things of that nature. Last night my brother ended up falling asleep while we were watching Iron Man 2. It was rather late/ early. I think it was about 2am. So when the movie was over Master and I were very quiet as we put things away, shut down the computer and turned off the TV. We went to the bedroom and chilled for a while before closing the door so we could fuck and then opening it back up right before we went to sleep.
Today my brother had to be back at his place by 9am because he has some things he had to take care of. I hate setting an alarm on the weekend but there really was no choice. So I got up, got ready and took him home. He said he had a blast, so that made me happy.
When I got home Master and I talked for a while and realized that we had a bit more breathing room than we originally thought as far as finances. So He had me look into movie times. We hadn't been to a movie since the new Nightmare on Elm Street movie came to theaters, which was a bit over a year ago and we hated the movie. We both wanted to see The Rise of the Planet of the Apes. We were hoping they had a showing time that was early enough so we weren't going to be getting home too late in the evening.
Thankfully they had one at 2:15pm. Whoo-hoo! I wore the new black dress I had bought about a month ago that I hadn't had a chance to wear. Master enjoyed it and said I looked really nice. The best part about this date of ours? Well there were a few so lets go down the list.
- We got great seats because we were there almost an hour early. (Which is entirely my fault. I forgot that it didn't really take long to get to the theater and I figured that since it was Sunday it would be busy and I didn't want them to run out of tickets for that time. I'm paranoid. I know.)
- There honestly weren't a lot of people in our theater. Rock the hell on.
- The people who were in there didn't talk during the movie. We were both shocked. Normally when we go to a movie there is at least one loud mouth son of a bitch who has to ruin it for everyone.
- We loved the movie!
This wasn't one of those times. We both agreed that it was a lot better than we had thought it would be. We were pleasantly surprised. So now we have had a date! Master and I really enjoyed it and are glad we spent the money.
When we got home Master and I relaxed for a bit. Master saw that I was pretty tired as I had not gotten a lot of sleep last night. But He told me I couldn't take a nap. I grumbled a bit and He stood up and grabbed my collar. He lifted me off the couch and ordered me to the bedroom.
I laid down on my stomach and He used me. It was delicious. Once He was done with me He said something I was in no way what so ever expecting.
"What time should I wake you up?"
*blinks* He had just said I couldn't take a nap. Apparently what He meant was that I couldn't take a nap until He got His rocks off. Fine by me! *grins*
So I said in an hour. He kissed my forehead and said He would let me sleep for an hour and a half. He tucked me in and told me to sleep well before leaving the bedroom.
He just woke me up about 45 minutes ago so I thought I would knock my post out. I knew I had quite a bit to blog about so I figured the earlier I started it the less rushed it would be. So yeah, that's been my weekend. How was yours?
August 17, 2011
Blank
Tonight I don't really have much to talk about. I couldn't really find a prompt that struck my fancy when I looked earlier. So here I sit. Nothing really on my mind.
I think I'm trying to keep it that way so I don't get too stressed out at the moment. Stress seems to be coming at us from all sides lately. Fun. But it has to stop sometime.
Part of it will be lifted after tomorrow is over. Pay days are always bitter sweet. In comes the paycheck, out goes most of it for bills. But it's better than not being able to pay the bills, not keep food on the table, etc. Something is better than nothing. That doesn't mean it doesn't suck to do your budget and see how much the bills actually total out to that month. Bloody hell.
I think I'm trying to keep it that way so I don't get too stressed out at the moment. Stress seems to be coming at us from all sides lately. Fun. But it has to stop sometime.
Part of it will be lifted after tomorrow is over. Pay days are always bitter sweet. In comes the paycheck, out goes most of it for bills. But it's better than not being able to pay the bills, not keep food on the table, etc. Something is better than nothing. That doesn't mean it doesn't suck to do your budget and see how much the bills actually total out to that month. Bloody hell.
August 16, 2011
Grandpa
My mother called me today to let me know what is going on with my grandfather. My grandpa has a lot of health problems. He's going to be 72 in a few weeks. Well just recently it came to light that not much of his heart was functioning. He continued to hold back the percentage.
Today he told my mother. Only 24% of his heart is functioning. And the old man is still kicking. The doctors have told him that he needs a pace maker. However, they need to run quite a few tests and then have a "conference" about it.
Well the conference between the doctors isn't until October. Why? So they can run all the tests first. Why do they have to have a conference? To see if they think it is safe for him to go into surgery. Basically they have to weigh out the odds. How much of a chance does he have making it out of the surgery alive versus if they just let him continue without the surgery.
We're all just holding our breath until we know for sure what the next step is.
Then what happens today? My grandpa gets into a car accident. Some idiot pulled out in front of him and he smashed into the guy. I don't know all the details but I do know that he is fine but the car is pretty fucked up. The cops told him he should probably have the car towed. Grandpa was like "Fuck that" and drove the car home himself, parked it in the garage and will be calling his insurance tomorrow.
My grandpa's a bad ass.
Today he told my mother. Only 24% of his heart is functioning. And the old man is still kicking. The doctors have told him that he needs a pace maker. However, they need to run quite a few tests and then have a "conference" about it.
Well the conference between the doctors isn't until October. Why? So they can run all the tests first. Why do they have to have a conference? To see if they think it is safe for him to go into surgery. Basically they have to weigh out the odds. How much of a chance does he have making it out of the surgery alive versus if they just let him continue without the surgery.
We're all just holding our breath until we know for sure what the next step is.
Then what happens today? My grandpa gets into a car accident. Some idiot pulled out in front of him and he smashed into the guy. I don't know all the details but I do know that he is fine but the car is pretty fucked up. The cops told him he should probably have the car towed. Grandpa was like "Fuck that" and drove the car home himself, parked it in the garage and will be calling his insurance tomorrow.
My grandpa's a bad ass.
Pretty Please?
I want these! They are screaming at me to buy them!
Now I just need $50 that I can spare just to spend on heels.
That is all.
Now I just need $50 that I can spare just to spend on heels.
That is all.
August 15, 2011
Heel Whore
Last night Master and I were sitting around talking. This was before we went to bed and I had dressed up for Master. He told me to surprise Him so after my shower I came out in nothing but heels and leg warmers. Honestly, it's one of my favorite looks. I really need more leg warmers! Seriously. The kind I have are straight black and they are sexy as hell.
I've only ever worn them as lingerie. I have thought about what it would look like it I wore them with my black skirt, heels and a black top. I'm sure it'd still be sexy, I just don't know if Master would think it would be good for a "out of the house" type thing. *shrugs*
Anyway, I'm getting off topic here.
Master had commented that I never wear heels to work. I did a double take. He asked me why I never did. My answer was simple. "I'm not with You so there is no body to impress or look nice for."
I think I saw Him smirk at that. But He also had a good point. They are somewhat... bondage looking. I mean they are normal heels. They aren't "obvious" as far as bondage goes. But it you are into kinky things... you'll probably look at them and go.. "Hey...."
I tried to look them up online at the website I got them from, but they don't seem to be selling them anymore.Good thing I got them when I did.
So Master said that if anything I could wear them to work as another reminder regarding my station in this dynamic. See, I had never thought of wearing heels to work. At least not normal heels. I've thought about low heeled boots. But that's about it.
Master said I could wear a pair of jeans, toss the heels and a top and I would be good to go.
I didn't do it today. To be honest I'm somewhat worried about fucking them up somehow. If they get worn down a bit because I've been strutting around the apartment for Master or because Him and I have been going out and He wanted me in heels, that's an entierely different matter. Then again I work in an office for fuck's sake. So it's not like they would get fucked up easily.
I'm protective of my heels, for lack of a better word. I don't have many anymore. For normal heels that I can wear out, I have two pair. The pair I wore last night and the boots with high heels that I love. The problem with the latter is that they are insulated, so I would sweat to death wearing them right now. But for fall they are awesome!
But the conversation Master and started last night kept swimming around in my head today.
Okay, Master and I don't really have the money to go out to dinner and such anymore. At least not very often. And normally when we run errands I don't really see the point of tossing heels on because we're just going to the grocery store or something similar. And thenwe are coming right back home afterward.
However, there are our bumming around days. I love our bumming around days. We just go driving, hit a couple of stores just to look and maybe buy something that isn't expensive. And what do I wear? Jeans and a t-shirt. It's easy to toss on and boom! We're out the door.
I've just become way too comfortable with that. I mean jeans, okay whatever, depending on the situation a skirt or dress may not be the wisest choice. But just because I'm wearing jeans that doesn't mean I automatically have to toss on sneakers or sandals. Master already hinted that I would look nice in jeans and heels.
And make-up? Bloody hell. I can't remember the last time I wore that out of the house. Not that I wear a lot when I do or anything, but still.
I just need to get out of this comfortable stage and smack the hell out of myself. "Hey bitch! Just because it's comfortable and you're not going out to dinner and a movie does not mean you can't look sexy for your Man. A little effort goes a long way, stupid."
So, on the weekends especially I want to step my game up so to speak. I know Master and I have been together for about 8 1/2 years and I know He still finds me incredibly sexy. But that doesn't mean I should slack off. I used to dress up all the time just to look nice for Him. Granted we were going out more back then, but so what?
I feel bad. I feel like I've seriously dropped the ball. Like I said I want to smack the hell out of myself.
Then the flip side of that is I really wish I could go buy new skirts, dresses and heels. I have one new dress that Master likes. It's more of a summer dress and it's plain but Master said He likes it.
While I was looking through the website trying to find the pair of heels I actually own I was drooling over what they have in stock right now. I just want to say "Fuck it!" go out and buy at least two more pairs of heels, three skirts, two tops and two dresses. That would be a nice start.
But that's more than we can afford right now. Maybe I can squeeze at least a new pair of heels in sooner rather than later. Hell, any one of the items listed above would be nice. Although honestly, I'm drooling more and more over new heels. I'm not normally a "shoe" girl. But heels? The right kind anyway, I love looking at them. I love thinking about how hot I would look in them. Especially since Master loves me in heels and I could wear them in and out of the bedroom. *sigh*
I've only ever worn them as lingerie. I have thought about what it would look like it I wore them with my black skirt, heels and a black top. I'm sure it'd still be sexy, I just don't know if Master would think it would be good for a "out of the house" type thing. *shrugs*
Anyway, I'm getting off topic here.
Master had commented that I never wear heels to work. I did a double take. He asked me why I never did. My answer was simple. "I'm not with You so there is no body to impress or look nice for."
I think I saw Him smirk at that. But He also had a good point. They are somewhat... bondage looking. I mean they are normal heels. They aren't "obvious" as far as bondage goes. But it you are into kinky things... you'll probably look at them and go.. "Hey...."
I tried to look them up online at the website I got them from, but they don't seem to be selling them anymore.Good thing I got them when I did.
So Master said that if anything I could wear them to work as another reminder regarding my station in this dynamic. See, I had never thought of wearing heels to work. At least not normal heels. I've thought about low heeled boots. But that's about it.
Master said I could wear a pair of jeans, toss the heels and a top and I would be good to go.
I didn't do it today. To be honest I'm somewhat worried about fucking them up somehow. If they get worn down a bit because I've been strutting around the apartment for Master or because Him and I have been going out and He wanted me in heels, that's an entierely different matter. Then again I work in an office for fuck's sake. So it's not like they would get fucked up easily.
I'm protective of my heels, for lack of a better word. I don't have many anymore. For normal heels that I can wear out, I have two pair. The pair I wore last night and the boots with high heels that I love. The problem with the latter is that they are insulated, so I would sweat to death wearing them right now. But for fall they are awesome!
But the conversation Master and started last night kept swimming around in my head today.
Okay, Master and I don't really have the money to go out to dinner and such anymore. At least not very often. And normally when we run errands I don't really see the point of tossing heels on because we're just going to the grocery store or something similar. And thenwe are coming right back home afterward.
However, there are our bumming around days. I love our bumming around days. We just go driving, hit a couple of stores just to look and maybe buy something that isn't expensive. And what do I wear? Jeans and a t-shirt. It's easy to toss on and boom! We're out the door.
I've just become way too comfortable with that. I mean jeans, okay whatever, depending on the situation a skirt or dress may not be the wisest choice. But just because I'm wearing jeans that doesn't mean I automatically have to toss on sneakers or sandals. Master already hinted that I would look nice in jeans and heels.
And make-up? Bloody hell. I can't remember the last time I wore that out of the house. Not that I wear a lot when I do or anything, but still.
I just need to get out of this comfortable stage and smack the hell out of myself. "Hey bitch! Just because it's comfortable and you're not going out to dinner and a movie does not mean you can't look sexy for your Man. A little effort goes a long way, stupid."
So, on the weekends especially I want to step my game up so to speak. I know Master and I have been together for about 8 1/2 years and I know He still finds me incredibly sexy. But that doesn't mean I should slack off. I used to dress up all the time just to look nice for Him. Granted we were going out more back then, but so what?
I feel bad. I feel like I've seriously dropped the ball. Like I said I want to smack the hell out of myself.
Then the flip side of that is I really wish I could go buy new skirts, dresses and heels. I have one new dress that Master likes. It's more of a summer dress and it's plain but Master said He likes it.
While I was looking through the website trying to find the pair of heels I actually own I was drooling over what they have in stock right now. I just want to say "Fuck it!" go out and buy at least two more pairs of heels, three skirts, two tops and two dresses. That would be a nice start.
But that's more than we can afford right now. Maybe I can squeeze at least a new pair of heels in sooner rather than later. Hell, any one of the items listed above would be nice. Although honestly, I'm drooling more and more over new heels. I'm not normally a "shoe" girl. But heels? The right kind anyway, I love looking at them. I love thinking about how hot I would look in them. Especially since Master loves me in heels and I could wear them in and out of the bedroom. *sigh*
Pictures?
Okay guys and gals...
Master left a comment on my "Pictures" page. He wants to do new pictures and wants ideas.
Well, His exact comment was: "Well the above poster is right you ARE sexy and we need to do more pics.... So what do folks think? fresh pics with all her piercings and such on display or something else? I'm open to ideas..lol.. Kitten may not be but then again she is the slave..Love ya hon..heheheheh"
So... post in the comments section of this post with any ideas and/or suggestions.
This should prove to be interesting.
Master left a comment on my "Pictures" page. He wants to do new pictures and wants ideas.
Well, His exact comment was: "Well the above poster is right you ARE sexy and we need to do more pics.... So what do folks think? fresh pics with all her piercings and such on display or something else? I'm open to ideas..lol.. Kitten may not be but then again she is the slave..Love ya hon..heheheheh"
So... post in the comments section of this post with any ideas and/or suggestions.
This should prove to be interesting.
August 14, 2011
Relief
Today has not been that great of a day. Neither Master or myself were in very good moods. We have a lot of stress going on right now so it just kind of finds it's way between us because we don't really have any where to place blame for the stress. It's things that are not in our control. So it is what it is.
But there was a bit of relief as well. After a while Master and I calmed down and were just sitting in the living room talking. Master leaned all the way back in His recliner to stretch out His back. He was naked, as we normally are when we're home. He was asking me what I wanted to do (as in watch a movie, etc.). His eyes were closed and He was not paying attention to what I was doing. So I quickly got on my knees in front of His chair and took His cock into my mouth.
Surprise blow job! *dun dun dun*
This was one of the few blowjobs that Master didn't have a grip on my hair. He just lounged in His recliner, stretched out and enjoyed getting His dick sucked.
It's not that I don't know what the hell I'm doing when I give Him a blow job. I do, trust me. It's just that Master loves having my hair wrapped around His hand when I do it. Why? So He can move me the way He wants to sometimes, just to remind me that He's in control. Things of that nature.
Since I was "left to me own devices" so to speak it was rather interesting. It hasn't happened in a very long time. I'm not complaining either way about it. I'm just saying that it is a rare experience.
He moaned and gasped quite a bit though so I must have been doing something right. *smirks*
After He came He was very sensitive and I was being a bit of a brat and kept licking the underside of His cock or danced my fingers along the length of Him. Things of that nature. He chuckled a few times but was gritting His teeth when He did it. Eventually He just told me to knock it the fuck off. So I did. I just rested my head on His stomach while He laid there.
Since then a lot of the tension is gone. It's amazing what effect a blow job can have.
But there was a bit of relief as well. After a while Master and I calmed down and were just sitting in the living room talking. Master leaned all the way back in His recliner to stretch out His back. He was naked, as we normally are when we're home. He was asking me what I wanted to do (as in watch a movie, etc.). His eyes were closed and He was not paying attention to what I was doing. So I quickly got on my knees in front of His chair and took His cock into my mouth.
Surprise blow job! *dun dun dun*
This was one of the few blowjobs that Master didn't have a grip on my hair. He just lounged in His recliner, stretched out and enjoyed getting His dick sucked.
It's not that I don't know what the hell I'm doing when I give Him a blow job. I do, trust me. It's just that Master loves having my hair wrapped around His hand when I do it. Why? So He can move me the way He wants to sometimes, just to remind me that He's in control. Things of that nature.
Since I was "left to me own devices" so to speak it was rather interesting. It hasn't happened in a very long time. I'm not complaining either way about it. I'm just saying that it is a rare experience.
He moaned and gasped quite a bit though so I must have been doing something right. *smirks*
After He came He was very sensitive and I was being a bit of a brat and kept licking the underside of His cock or danced my fingers along the length of Him. Things of that nature. He chuckled a few times but was gritting His teeth when He did it. Eventually He just told me to knock it the fuck off. So I did. I just rested my head on His stomach while He laid there.
Since then a lot of the tension is gone. It's amazing what effect a blow job can have.
August 13, 2011
Headache
I've been getting headaches all week. And not just little annoying ones either. They are the kind that start at the base of your skull and wrap up to your temples and then just ache. It doesn't throb or pound. They just ache and feels like a vice is on my head.
The really sucky part is that when the headache goes on too long then it starts affecting other parts of me. The ache will then go down my neck and into my shoulders. There have been a few this week that cause my muscles to twitch. Trust me, it's a really fucked up feeling.
So I've been popping pain killers left and right. I've been drinking a lot of water, which isn't a bad thing but it does help with headaches. And then every now and then I get some caffeine in me to make sure it's not a caffeine headache.
Today I got really irritable due to the headache. Although I am getting better at telling Master why I am irritable or aggravated, etc.
Yep. It all goes back to the whole being bipolar thing. Up until my medication fully kicked in I would just experience the feeling and either a) not be able to figure out why I was feeling that way or b) basically refuse to explain it until Master dragged it out of me.
Not good. Well today I told Master I was irritable. He asked me why, so I told Him that it was because of my headache. He knows how bad my headaches can get, so He understood. He even offered to work on my neck and shoulders, which was really sweet of Him. Sometimes my headaches are due to muscle tension. So while we watched a movie He gave me a shoulder rub. That actually helped quite a bit.
He then had me go take a hot bath. Once that was done I popped a couple more pain pills and now it finally is feeling better. Headaches like to hang on to me apparently. The bastards.
The really sucky part is that when the headache goes on too long then it starts affecting other parts of me. The ache will then go down my neck and into my shoulders. There have been a few this week that cause my muscles to twitch. Trust me, it's a really fucked up feeling.
So I've been popping pain killers left and right. I've been drinking a lot of water, which isn't a bad thing but it does help with headaches. And then every now and then I get some caffeine in me to make sure it's not a caffeine headache.
Today I got really irritable due to the headache. Although I am getting better at telling Master why I am irritable or aggravated, etc.
Yep. It all goes back to the whole being bipolar thing. Up until my medication fully kicked in I would just experience the feeling and either a) not be able to figure out why I was feeling that way or b) basically refuse to explain it until Master dragged it out of me.
Not good. Well today I told Master I was irritable. He asked me why, so I told Him that it was because of my headache. He knows how bad my headaches can get, so He understood. He even offered to work on my neck and shoulders, which was really sweet of Him. Sometimes my headaches are due to muscle tension. So while we watched a movie He gave me a shoulder rub. That actually helped quite a bit.
He then had me go take a hot bath. Once that was done I popped a couple more pain pills and now it finally is feeling better. Headaches like to hang on to me apparently. The bastards.
August 12, 2011
Finally Friday
This week has been long as hell. Although today went by surprisingly fast. And today was my longest work day of the week. Just over 9 hours not including my 45 minute lunch break.
As a result of such I am all sorts of out of it. So while I have to do my normal post (Master allowed me to skip yesterday) I don't think it'll be a very long one at all.
I already warned Master about that. I just asked Him for permission to take a nap immediately after this post so that I won't pass out at 11pm. I know, it doesn't make a lot of sense to take a nap just so you can be up later in the night. But it's Friday and I like stay up late on Friday nights. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately and as I've said it's been a rather long week and a long work day.
Speaking of naps.. I miss taking ones in the middle of the day on the weekends with Master. I know that probably sounds dumb as well. But it's really nice. I know I sleep next to Him every night but still. Naps are different. Well, at least to me they are.
As a result of such I am all sorts of out of it. So while I have to do my normal post (Master allowed me to skip yesterday) I don't think it'll be a very long one at all.
I already warned Master about that. I just asked Him for permission to take a nap immediately after this post so that I won't pass out at 11pm. I know, it doesn't make a lot of sense to take a nap just so you can be up later in the night. But it's Friday and I like stay up late on Friday nights. I haven't been getting a lot of sleep lately and as I've said it's been a rather long week and a long work day.
Speaking of naps.. I miss taking ones in the middle of the day on the weekends with Master. I know that probably sounds dumb as well. But it's really nice. I know I sleep next to Him every night but still. Naps are different. Well, at least to me they are.
August 10, 2011
Worn Down
This week has been kicking my ass. Work has been busy as hell. It feels like I'm knocking one thing out only to have three more things show up on my desk. Meanwhile all my coworkers are standing about talking to each other for an hour at a time, then bitch about how much work they have to do. *sigh*
Then there is all the other stress that is not work related. Finances. Family. Grandpa's health. Blah.
Today I got bitchy due to the stress and took it out on Master. We cut the disagreement short and watch a show on Netflix. I had fully calmed down within about 15 minutes. Once the episode was done I turned to Master and I apologized. I explained why I was stressed and how much this week has been kicking my tail.
He didn't hold it against me, He was calm when He talked to me as well. The medication is working well, but as I've said before I can still react. Today I reacted with anger to the stress. However, it wasn't like it was before I took my medication. Without medication I can hold onto that kind of shit for days. Even the smallest thing, if it hit me the wrong way, would tip me over the edge and I'd be one hell of a bitch for quite some time. Then suddenly I would be fine and then wonder why Master was upset with me.
But today I just lashed out once. I calmed down after the outburst in what I would consider a normal amount of time and I haven't gone back to that aggression since. In fact I've been trying to focus on being calm.
I just feel worn out. I feel worn down. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm not depressed. So at least that much. But I'm not really happy either. That's why I say I just feel worn down. At work I'm just kind of going through the motions and at home I'm trying to relax the best I can. Thankfully Master is trying to help me with that as well. He's a good man and I love Him.
Then there is all the other stress that is not work related. Finances. Family. Grandpa's health. Blah.
Today I got bitchy due to the stress and took it out on Master. We cut the disagreement short and watch a show on Netflix. I had fully calmed down within about 15 minutes. Once the episode was done I turned to Master and I apologized. I explained why I was stressed and how much this week has been kicking my tail.
He didn't hold it against me, He was calm when He talked to me as well. The medication is working well, but as I've said before I can still react. Today I reacted with anger to the stress. However, it wasn't like it was before I took my medication. Without medication I can hold onto that kind of shit for days. Even the smallest thing, if it hit me the wrong way, would tip me over the edge and I'd be one hell of a bitch for quite some time. Then suddenly I would be fine and then wonder why Master was upset with me.
But today I just lashed out once. I calmed down after the outburst in what I would consider a normal amount of time and I haven't gone back to that aggression since. In fact I've been trying to focus on being calm.
I just feel worn out. I feel worn down. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm not depressed. So at least that much. But I'm not really happy either. That's why I say I just feel worn down. At work I'm just kind of going through the motions and at home I'm trying to relax the best I can. Thankfully Master is trying to help me with that as well. He's a good man and I love Him.
August 9, 2011
I Hate Today
Today sucked balls.
It wasn't any one thing in particular.. it was a bunch of shit that just accumulated. The newer girl in my department was annoying the hell out of me by stopping by my desk and going through my paperwork because she thought that some of her stuff ended up on my desk. Ask you dumb bitch.
My supervisor was pulling me one way, another manager was pulling me another and then I have all my regular work plus some back log. I felt like a pretzel. It was insane.
However, the work day went by rather quickly. Apparently stress = time flying by. Interesting.
I had a headache around lunch time. I probably should have cut my lunch even shorter than I did in order to get everything done, but I didn't need the headache any worse than it already was. I cut my 45 minute lunch to 20 minutes. I probably should have only taken a 10 minute break and gone back in. Ten minutes doesn't sound like a lot but every little bit helps when you're behind on your work.
So when I got home tonight I was worn out. I'm a little better now, even though I haven't had any caffeine. Trust me, it's a miracle.
Master and I have been talking while I was chipping away at this post and He says He's not too sure if I should switch jobs just yet. He did say that if I continue to look around I should take my time and be picky. I should wait for the right job since I don't have to go right then and there. I can take my time and not stress out about it. Which is a really good point. Also, if I do leave my current job I have to make sure the timing is right so there isn't a gap between paychecks that we can't easily recover from.
I'm not stressing out about looking for a new job. I know I can take my time and there is no rush. However, I am going to continue buying more pieces of professional clothing for when/if the day comes that I do find a different job.
It wasn't any one thing in particular.. it was a bunch of shit that just accumulated. The newer girl in my department was annoying the hell out of me by stopping by my desk and going through my paperwork because she thought that some of her stuff ended up on my desk. Ask you dumb bitch.
My supervisor was pulling me one way, another manager was pulling me another and then I have all my regular work plus some back log. I felt like a pretzel. It was insane.
However, the work day went by rather quickly. Apparently stress = time flying by. Interesting.
I had a headache around lunch time. I probably should have cut my lunch even shorter than I did in order to get everything done, but I didn't need the headache any worse than it already was. I cut my 45 minute lunch to 20 minutes. I probably should have only taken a 10 minute break and gone back in. Ten minutes doesn't sound like a lot but every little bit helps when you're behind on your work.
So when I got home tonight I was worn out. I'm a little better now, even though I haven't had any caffeine. Trust me, it's a miracle.
Master and I have been talking while I was chipping away at this post and He says He's not too sure if I should switch jobs just yet. He did say that if I continue to look around I should take my time and be picky. I should wait for the right job since I don't have to go right then and there. I can take my time and not stress out about it. Which is a really good point. Also, if I do leave my current job I have to make sure the timing is right so there isn't a gap between paychecks that we can't easily recover from.
I'm not stressing out about looking for a new job. I know I can take my time and there is no rush. However, I am going to continue buying more pieces of professional clothing for when/if the day comes that I do find a different job.
August 8, 2011
Isolation
I decided to go with a journal prompt today. I've been kind of out of it all day and not feeling very motivated at work, which is very unlike me. So I figure rather than me rambling on about absolutely nothing, I would find a topic.
Are you isolated by your Owner at all? Would you want to be isolated? What are the pros and cons of isolation for you?
I wouldn't say that Master isolates me really. Honestly it's more me pulling away from the outside world except for Him and our families. He does not discourage this in any way, and is actually the same way Himself. We have both been burned in the past by friends. Some mutual, others not.
Master and I have never been extremely social people. We have tried to be in the past. We went to a few local munches type things. And while the group wasn't really for us, we also started to realize how much we prefer to be on our own, just the two of us. We like to sit and people watch, making comments to one another and just.. doing our thing so to speak. We also tried making new friends. It didn't work out. There was always something that made us look and go "....the fuck?"
We have gone out to dinner and to movies and what not with friends and some family. When it's certain members of our family (my brother, His brother and His father) it's fine. It would be fine with my mother as well but she doesn't really go out to eat.
With friends.. it's becoming more like a chore than something to do for fun. SS used to be a lot of fun to go hang with. But for the past year or so, since she has been with her current fiance, she's little miss priss. Her man makes damn good money and he is spoiling her with a newer car, a new house, trips all the time.. etc. Now while originally I was very happy for her, now it's just her bragging and basically rubbing it in our faces. She can still be the person we remember, but it's fewer and farther between.
Then there is BC. Since he got with his current fiance (are we noticing a trend here?) he has changed a lot. His fiance believes that we are a bad influence. So she tries to limit our access to him. We've only been able to get a hold of him twice in the past 6 months and when he did return our calls or e-mails it was because he needed something done (like helping him move) or asking Master for advice. We haven't seen BC in person for about 6 months or so. Fun stuff.
So as the days go on and the years go by I have become more of a hermit. Master has as well.
Well, I think hermit is going a bit far. I would say that I have become much more focused on Him and our families, rather than everything else. I've always been focused on Him and our families, but now that's about all I focus on outside of work. Some people may say that is unhealthy but I find that I have never been more happy or more relaxed.
As I said Master does not discourage this. Would I want Him to force me to socialize more? No, not really. I would probably be stubborn about it, or at least try to be. Would I want Him to isolate me more? Well, since I'm only focusing on Him, our families, and work I'm not sure how much more He could cut me off. Have me quit my job? Never going to happen unless I have another job lined up. Have me cut off my family? He would never do that unless a certain person in my family was harming me in some way and I was too close to the situation to realize it on my own right away.
Pros and Cons... hhmmm...
Pros:
Are you isolated by your Owner at all? Would you want to be isolated? What are the pros and cons of isolation for you?
I wouldn't say that Master isolates me really. Honestly it's more me pulling away from the outside world except for Him and our families. He does not discourage this in any way, and is actually the same way Himself. We have both been burned in the past by friends. Some mutual, others not.
Master and I have never been extremely social people. We have tried to be in the past. We went to a few local munches type things. And while the group wasn't really for us, we also started to realize how much we prefer to be on our own, just the two of us. We like to sit and people watch, making comments to one another and just.. doing our thing so to speak. We also tried making new friends. It didn't work out. There was always something that made us look and go "....the fuck?"
We have gone out to dinner and to movies and what not with friends and some family. When it's certain members of our family (my brother, His brother and His father) it's fine. It would be fine with my mother as well but she doesn't really go out to eat.
With friends.. it's becoming more like a chore than something to do for fun. SS used to be a lot of fun to go hang with. But for the past year or so, since she has been with her current fiance, she's little miss priss. Her man makes damn good money and he is spoiling her with a newer car, a new house, trips all the time.. etc. Now while originally I was very happy for her, now it's just her bragging and basically rubbing it in our faces. She can still be the person we remember, but it's fewer and farther between.
Then there is BC. Since he got with his current fiance (are we noticing a trend here?) he has changed a lot. His fiance believes that we are a bad influence. So she tries to limit our access to him. We've only been able to get a hold of him twice in the past 6 months and when he did return our calls or e-mails it was because he needed something done (like helping him move) or asking Master for advice. We haven't seen BC in person for about 6 months or so. Fun stuff.
So as the days go on and the years go by I have become more of a hermit. Master has as well.
Well, I think hermit is going a bit far. I would say that I have become much more focused on Him and our families, rather than everything else. I've always been focused on Him and our families, but now that's about all I focus on outside of work. Some people may say that is unhealthy but I find that I have never been more happy or more relaxed.
As I said Master does not discourage this. Would I want Him to force me to socialize more? No, not really. I would probably be stubborn about it, or at least try to be. Would I want Him to isolate me more? Well, since I'm only focusing on Him, our families, and work I'm not sure how much more He could cut me off. Have me quit my job? Never going to happen unless I have another job lined up. Have me cut off my family? He would never do that unless a certain person in my family was harming me in some way and I was too close to the situation to realize it on my own right away.
Pros and Cons... hhmmm...
Pros:
- I have more time on my hands to just be with Master and our families rather than having other people's problems as distractions.
- I am not as stressed out. I have always been one of those friends that people call first when they need a shoulder to cry on. While I used to do so happily, it did add extra stress because not only did they want a shoulder to cry on, they also wanted me to fix their problems.
- Master and I have more time alone together rather than a group of friends trying to pull us in each and every direction on top of our families. Ugh. It was a nightmare and as a result Master and I hardly had an entire weekend alone.
- I'm happier this way.
- As I said some people may see this as unhealthy. But Master does not see it as such and if there is not one person on the face of this planet that takes my health as seriously as Master does. I mean my parents do as well, but Master is more stern about it. When I'm not feeling well or I'm stressed out He hovers to see how I am reacting and then takes action from there.
- I don't have any friends outside of Master and our families. That's not really a con in my eyes but I'm sure some people would see it as such. Personally, I think it is better this way. There is a stronger connection with the family members Master and I spend time with than there has ever been with a friend. We can have a knock out drag down fight about something stupid and then the next day we're joking around and having a good time. No bad blood. (No pun intended.) If it's a serious fight, it depends on the family member in question.
- Um... *thinks* Yeah. Can't think of a third one and the other two were not cons in my eyes.
August 7, 2011
We Can Still Have Fun
Master and I have been in this dynamic for about as long as we've been together. And while I am submit to Him and He Dominates me, we can still have fun and be goofy as hell sometimes. Master lets me get away with it sometimes more than others. And it has to be playful but not bratty. If I get too bratty then it's no longer fun and games. Suddenly Master gets extremely serious and then I know I've gone too far.
But today, not that long ago actually, Master and I were being goofy.
We had just had just fucked, hard and very... controlling. I was used and Master pinned me down so I couldn't move while He did so.
After we were done and we have both recovered a bit from the rather intense sensations Master told me to try to crack His back.
This is no easy task. I have convinced myself that His back is actually concrete with a steel rod as the spine. But every now and then He has me try to crack it because it's been bothering Him. So He lays on His stomach and I kneel behind Him, place my hands at the base of His spine, apply pressure and then push upwards until I reach the base of His skull. Amazingly enough it popped on the first try. Master said it felt better.
So I laid on top of His back, just being cuddly. He enjoyed it as well for a little while. Then He wanted to move. I playfully whined about it, saying I was comfortable. He told me that He is not a futon.
So it went back and forth that way, all in good humor. Then Master, still joking around mind you, told me that if I didn't move He would roll onto my side of the bed and crush me.
I said, "No crushing!" but I didn't move. So He chuckled and rolled over. I gripped onto His arms and laughed as I flopped onto my back. I wrapped my leg around His leg. He laughed and then reached for the area behind my knee. He knows I'm very ticklish there. That is when I finally gave up. But, I hadn't gotten bratty. It was all in good fun and we had a blast.
I love when that kind of thing happens. It doesn't always need to be about the dynamic. Sometimes, when it's not me being bratty, it's just about us having fun together and goofing around.
But today, not that long ago actually, Master and I were being goofy.
We had just had just fucked, hard and very... controlling. I was used and Master pinned me down so I couldn't move while He did so.
After we were done and we have both recovered a bit from the rather intense sensations Master told me to try to crack His back.
This is no easy task. I have convinced myself that His back is actually concrete with a steel rod as the spine. But every now and then He has me try to crack it because it's been bothering Him. So He lays on His stomach and I kneel behind Him, place my hands at the base of His spine, apply pressure and then push upwards until I reach the base of His skull. Amazingly enough it popped on the first try. Master said it felt better.
So I laid on top of His back, just being cuddly. He enjoyed it as well for a little while. Then He wanted to move. I playfully whined about it, saying I was comfortable. He told me that He is not a futon.
So it went back and forth that way, all in good humor. Then Master, still joking around mind you, told me that if I didn't move He would roll onto my side of the bed and crush me.
I said, "No crushing!" but I didn't move. So He chuckled and rolled over. I gripped onto His arms and laughed as I flopped onto my back. I wrapped my leg around His leg. He laughed and then reached for the area behind my knee. He knows I'm very ticklish there. That is when I finally gave up. But, I hadn't gotten bratty. It was all in good fun and we had a blast.
I love when that kind of thing happens. It doesn't always need to be about the dynamic. Sometimes, when it's not me being bratty, it's just about us having fun together and goofing around.
August 6, 2011
Security Blanket
Master and I have been talking more and more about me looking for a new job soon. First, I have to get some more professional clothing so I had least have enough outfits to make it seem like I'm not wearing the same thing all the time. Or at least enough things that I can switch out with other ones to make it seem like a different outfit. You get the idea.
Last night we were talking about the whole looking for a new job thing and the discussion turned to my collar and cuff. They are like my security blanket. I feel absolutely naked without them on, in a bad way. However, even though I wear them to my current job Master and I feel that my next job, especially since I'll be looking for higher end office work, may not be as accepting. Or I will draw too much of the wrong kind attention to myself. Master and I agreed that I am getting to the point where I can no longer get away with the "young weird girl with funky jewelry" thing. I'm still young. (I'm 28.) And I am weird. But if I am looking for a less business casual and more of a full professional attire job the collar and cuff will seem either very odd or unacceptable. Like I said it may draw the wrong kind of attention.
Master and I are not ashamed of our dynamic, but when you're talking about a work environment certain things may need to be toned down.
So we starting talking about how I could not go to work with my collar and cuff on but still be comfortable. Master came up with the perfect solution. I will buy a nice matching necklace and bracelet set for me to wear while I'm at work rather than my collar and cuff. It'll be more professional looking and although it would be the same jewelry all the time, the only thing that may assume, if anything at all, is that it is my favorite jewelry. They won't think past it.
Then when I come home and on the weekends my collar and cuff would go back on. Master and I feel replacing the collar and cuff with other jewelry will be the best way to make me still feel like I have my security blanket long enough that I can get through the work day. Master has even said He may have me wear such when we go out I'm a bit more dressed up because He think it will look nice.
We're not saying I'm too old to wear my collar and cuff. We're just saying that I'm getting to the point in my age and in my desired work environment that it would stick out way too much and I need to realize that. So soon Master and I will be looking into the matching necklace and bracelet set that we both really enjoy and think looks nice. Master, of course, will have final say.
Last night we were talking about the whole looking for a new job thing and the discussion turned to my collar and cuff. They are like my security blanket. I feel absolutely naked without them on, in a bad way. However, even though I wear them to my current job Master and I feel that my next job, especially since I'll be looking for higher end office work, may not be as accepting. Or I will draw too much of the wrong kind attention to myself. Master and I agreed that I am getting to the point where I can no longer get away with the "young weird girl with funky jewelry" thing. I'm still young. (I'm 28.) And I am weird. But if I am looking for a less business casual and more of a full professional attire job the collar and cuff will seem either very odd or unacceptable. Like I said it may draw the wrong kind of attention.
Master and I are not ashamed of our dynamic, but when you're talking about a work environment certain things may need to be toned down.
So we starting talking about how I could not go to work with my collar and cuff on but still be comfortable. Master came up with the perfect solution. I will buy a nice matching necklace and bracelet set for me to wear while I'm at work rather than my collar and cuff. It'll be more professional looking and although it would be the same jewelry all the time, the only thing that may assume, if anything at all, is that it is my favorite jewelry. They won't think past it.
Then when I come home and on the weekends my collar and cuff would go back on. Master and I feel replacing the collar and cuff with other jewelry will be the best way to make me still feel like I have my security blanket long enough that I can get through the work day. Master has even said He may have me wear such when we go out I'm a bit more dressed up because He think it will look nice.
We're not saying I'm too old to wear my collar and cuff. We're just saying that I'm getting to the point in my age and in my desired work environment that it would stick out way too much and I need to realize that. So soon Master and I will be looking into the matching necklace and bracelet set that we both really enjoy and think looks nice. Master, of course, will have final say.
August 5, 2011
Work Wear Wish List
I know I've done wish lists in the past. But this one is a bit different.
My current job, although it is an office environment allows us to dress extremely casual as we do not have any customers coming in and clients very rarely show up. What do I mean by extremely casual? Well, we can wear jeans, sneakers, t-shirts.. you get the picture.
Now, where as I enjoyed it and still do to a point.. it doesn't feel like a very professional job. I mean my job is important. I'm an analyst and the information I deal with is highly confidential. But because of the dress code it doesn't really feel like a professional job. Now yes, I could go against the whole casual thing and start wearing professional clothing to work. I've done that a few times. But when I have I feel very out of place which makes me feel uncomfortable. Everyone else is walking around in jeans and t-shirts while I'm trying to look nice in professional attire. It's... awkward for lack of a better term. Master and I have been talking and we both agree that I should start looking for a different job that is closer to home and preferably on a bus route.
I have had to use most of my vacation days to take off because the driver in my carpool has taken off and either my car has been in the shop for repairs or I hadn't been counting on needing to take the car so there isn't enough gas to get me to work and back without being on a red line. Part of that is because she normally does that on a non-payday week or the week that rent is due. Since finances are so tight I can't afford to put a lot of gas in the car and we use that just running errands etc. Plus if I do take the car to work and we don't have the money to replace a lot of it then we're kind of screwed.
So yeah. I'm testing the waters on the whole new job situation. I want more independence for getting to and from work so to me being on a bus line or very close to home makes the most sense to me. The only thing is I have to find a job that pays as well or more than what I'm making right now so we can keep our heads above water and hopefully still have some room to do something we want to do.
So, since I am now looking and I am looking at more office work I need professional clothing. I don't have a lot because my current job did not require it and even then I mostly had khakis which to me is not really "professional" attire it's more "business casual". I think I think that way because that's what I wore for my retail jobs.
So anyway, on to the wish list! (I'm mainly doing this so I can keep track of it without adding a lot of bookmarks and so I can reflect on it if I go shopping offline.) The only bad thing is I can't wear skirts unless they are ankle length because of my tattoos. But no biggie there.
Pants/Slacks:
Tops:
I figure with the heels and heeled boots I'll just shop for those in stores and pick out ones I like. Buying shoes online can be tricky.
My current job, although it is an office environment allows us to dress extremely casual as we do not have any customers coming in and clients very rarely show up. What do I mean by extremely casual? Well, we can wear jeans, sneakers, t-shirts.. you get the picture.
Now, where as I enjoyed it and still do to a point.. it doesn't feel like a very professional job. I mean my job is important. I'm an analyst and the information I deal with is highly confidential. But because of the dress code it doesn't really feel like a professional job. Now yes, I could go against the whole casual thing and start wearing professional clothing to work. I've done that a few times. But when I have I feel very out of place which makes me feel uncomfortable. Everyone else is walking around in jeans and t-shirts while I'm trying to look nice in professional attire. It's... awkward for lack of a better term. Master and I have been talking and we both agree that I should start looking for a different job that is closer to home and preferably on a bus route.
I have had to use most of my vacation days to take off because the driver in my carpool has taken off and either my car has been in the shop for repairs or I hadn't been counting on needing to take the car so there isn't enough gas to get me to work and back without being on a red line. Part of that is because she normally does that on a non-payday week or the week that rent is due. Since finances are so tight I can't afford to put a lot of gas in the car and we use that just running errands etc. Plus if I do take the car to work and we don't have the money to replace a lot of it then we're kind of screwed.
So yeah. I'm testing the waters on the whole new job situation. I want more independence for getting to and from work so to me being on a bus line or very close to home makes the most sense to me. The only thing is I have to find a job that pays as well or more than what I'm making right now so we can keep our heads above water and hopefully still have some room to do something we want to do.
So, since I am now looking and I am looking at more office work I need professional clothing. I don't have a lot because my current job did not require it and even then I mostly had khakis which to me is not really "professional" attire it's more "business casual". I think I think that way because that's what I wore for my retail jobs.
So anyway, on to the wish list! (I'm mainly doing this so I can keep track of it without adding a lot of bookmarks and so I can reflect on it if I go shopping offline.) The only bad thing is I can't wear skirts unless they are ankle length because of my tattoos. But no biggie there.
Pants/Slacks:
- Basic Black Sailor Pants
- Belted Woven Charcoal Trouser
- Black Pinstripe Work Pants
- Grey Stripe Work Trousers
- Slim Bootcut Trouser (Grey)
- Slim Bootcut Trouser (Black)
- 7th Avenue Flare
Tops:
- Tan Blazer
- Ruched-Sleeve Cropped Blazer
- Lurex Striped Ruffle Blazer
- Ponte Knit Grey Blazer
- Ruched-Sleeve Linen Blazer
- Lace Inset 4-Button Blazer
- Sleeveless Shirt with Ruffles and Knots (to go under a blazer)
- Ruffle Neckline Sleeveless Shirt (to go under a blazer)
- Hudson Two Button Jacket
I figure with the heels and heeled boots I'll just shop for those in stores and pick out ones I like. Buying shoes online can be tricky.
August 4, 2011
Long Damn Day
Today has been a very long day. First, at work we had to evacuate the building around 9am because there was the smell of burning wires. That's not a good thing. So we're all standing out in the parking lot and we're all hoping that we'll get sent home. Nothing is actually on fire but hey.. burning wires can't be good.
But no. We all had to go back inside. There were two problems. One: The smell of burning wires was very strong for a few hours after that. This made me feel sick to my stomach most of the day. Two: The smell of burning wires was actually the central air motor dying and frying the boards. So now there is no central air. That wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that we don't have any ceiling fans at all. The windows don't open. And we can't keep any of the doors open for security reasons. Fun. So I was sweating a bit and everyone was bitching. Finally someone brought out some standing fans although it didn't do anything to cool off anyone, it at least moved around the air a bit.
That was my work day.
I also got a call from my mother. My grandfather had his heart catheter done today. From what my mother was told his heart is too weak to remove the blockage in his arteries and he needs a pacemaker. I'm sure more news will trickle down to me sooner rather than later but all this just happened today.
I'm hoping he'll be okay, but I also know that for years and years he's been saying he is ready to go see my grandmother.
But no. We all had to go back inside. There were two problems. One: The smell of burning wires was very strong for a few hours after that. This made me feel sick to my stomach most of the day. Two: The smell of burning wires was actually the central air motor dying and frying the boards. So now there is no central air. That wouldn't be a problem except for the fact that we don't have any ceiling fans at all. The windows don't open. And we can't keep any of the doors open for security reasons. Fun. So I was sweating a bit and everyone was bitching. Finally someone brought out some standing fans although it didn't do anything to cool off anyone, it at least moved around the air a bit.
That was my work day.
I also got a call from my mother. My grandfather had his heart catheter done today. From what my mother was told his heart is too weak to remove the blockage in his arteries and he needs a pacemaker. I'm sure more news will trickle down to me sooner rather than later but all this just happened today.
I'm hoping he'll be okay, but I also know that for years and years he's been saying he is ready to go see my grandmother.
August 3, 2011
Another Prompt
I had no idea what to write about tonight, so I decided to randomly choose a journal prompt. And here is what came up: Does your owner allow and encourage you to pursue your own dreams/goals?
I would say that Master not only allows me to pursue my goals, He sometimes damn near pushes me to do it. Not in a bad way, but when I hesitate He pushes me to make me see it through. It has always turned out well, so there is a method to His madness.
That and He knows how damn hesitant I can be. I'm afraid to take chances sometimes. Especially when it comes to jobs. If it wasn't for Him pushing me to look into office work like I wanted to, I'd probably still be working retail. There is nothing wrong with working retail. Nothing at all. But I really wanted to do some kind of office work even though I don't have a college degree. But I broke through because Master pushed me. I started off as a temp for a call center. Said call center then hired me on. And then when I felt it was time to jump ship I found an office to work for. I started off as a clerk and I am now an analyst.
I keep going upwards so far. *knocks on wood* I'm not getting cocky though. I work hard, I do my best and that's all I can do.
When I get frustrated He tells me it'll be okay I just have to push through it. He makes sure that I don't get cocky about it as well. He doesn't want me to get a big head at my job and get myself in some serious trouble. That's not really me, but it's good to remind me of such anyway. Especially when I'm pissed off and want to punch a coworker simply to get them to shut the fuck up.
I don't really have any dreams per say. My goals are to keep a good job, buy a place of our own, and get a newer car. I have other goals but they are no where near realistic. So I figure I'll keep it simplistic.
So yes, I would say that Master allows and encourages me to go after my goals.
I would say that Master not only allows me to pursue my goals, He sometimes damn near pushes me to do it. Not in a bad way, but when I hesitate He pushes me to make me see it through. It has always turned out well, so there is a method to His madness.
That and He knows how damn hesitant I can be. I'm afraid to take chances sometimes. Especially when it comes to jobs. If it wasn't for Him pushing me to look into office work like I wanted to, I'd probably still be working retail. There is nothing wrong with working retail. Nothing at all. But I really wanted to do some kind of office work even though I don't have a college degree. But I broke through because Master pushed me. I started off as a temp for a call center. Said call center then hired me on. And then when I felt it was time to jump ship I found an office to work for. I started off as a clerk and I am now an analyst.
I keep going upwards so far. *knocks on wood* I'm not getting cocky though. I work hard, I do my best and that's all I can do.
When I get frustrated He tells me it'll be okay I just have to push through it. He makes sure that I don't get cocky about it as well. He doesn't want me to get a big head at my job and get myself in some serious trouble. That's not really me, but it's good to remind me of such anyway. Especially when I'm pissed off and want to punch a coworker simply to get them to shut the fuck up.
I don't really have any dreams per say. My goals are to keep a good job, buy a place of our own, and get a newer car. I have other goals but they are no where near realistic. So I figure I'll keep it simplistic.
So yes, I would say that Master allows and encourages me to go after my goals.
August 2, 2011
Connection
The other night Master and I were talking and I was rambling on. I feel bad that we don't really get to do anything together anymore besides sit at home. When we do go out it's with family. Which is great, trust me. I really enjoy it as it's His father's side of the family. Master understands that we can't really afford to go out anymore.
But because I was rambling on and feeling bad that we haven't really go on "dates" for quite a while now I said that I didn't want it to start feeling more like a friends with benefits/roommate situation. Don't get me wrong, I love that Master is my friend. If it's one thing that has never changed about our relationship it's the fact that we've never stopped being friends. And yes, we started off as friends with benefits. But at the time I was upset and not really thinking all that clearly.
It's obvious that we are more than friends or roommates. We love each other very much and it shows in the way we are with one another. And obviously, we have the dynamic going on as well.
So what am I getting at?
Well last night it was almost time for me to go to bed. Master was taking off His necklace and getting undressed. He told me to go to the bedroom and I smiled. He winked at me and said, "We have to break this whole roommate thing."
He was trying to make me laugh and it worked. When we got to bed He asked if I had a mood. I told Him that I was docile and I would prefer to be used. He started off gently and it was amazing. That connection you have with someone while you're having sex is just... indescribable. You can't explain it and I'm not going to try.
He never got extremely rough but He alternated positions and it was incredible. When He filled me it was like that connection became more apparent. I was flying high when He laid down next to me.
I had a nice after sex body buzz going and as a result I wasn't really tired. But it was time for me to go to bed. Master allowed me to sit in the living room with Him for a little while but then I knew I wasn't going to be able to lay on the couch and sleep. So I told Master I should sleep in the bedroom, explained why, and He agreed.
So, last night was amazing. Our connection is always strong, but sometimes it's that extra push that really hits you hard in the most wonderful ways.
But because I was rambling on and feeling bad that we haven't really go on "dates" for quite a while now I said that I didn't want it to start feeling more like a friends with benefits/roommate situation. Don't get me wrong, I love that Master is my friend. If it's one thing that has never changed about our relationship it's the fact that we've never stopped being friends. And yes, we started off as friends with benefits. But at the time I was upset and not really thinking all that clearly.
It's obvious that we are more than friends or roommates. We love each other very much and it shows in the way we are with one another. And obviously, we have the dynamic going on as well.
So what am I getting at?
Well last night it was almost time for me to go to bed. Master was taking off His necklace and getting undressed. He told me to go to the bedroom and I smiled. He winked at me and said, "We have to break this whole roommate thing."
He was trying to make me laugh and it worked. When we got to bed He asked if I had a mood. I told Him that I was docile and I would prefer to be used. He started off gently and it was amazing. That connection you have with someone while you're having sex is just... indescribable. You can't explain it and I'm not going to try.
He never got extremely rough but He alternated positions and it was incredible. When He filled me it was like that connection became more apparent. I was flying high when He laid down next to me.
I had a nice after sex body buzz going and as a result I wasn't really tired. But it was time for me to go to bed. Master allowed me to sit in the living room with Him for a little while but then I knew I wasn't going to be able to lay on the couch and sleep. So I told Master I should sleep in the bedroom, explained why, and He agreed.
So, last night was amazing. Our connection is always strong, but sometimes it's that extra push that really hits you hard in the most wonderful ways.
August 1, 2011
Still Here
Yes, I'm still here. I'm breathing and everything! *ta da!*
I didn't post this past weekend because on Saturday Master and I were just having a great time, and I didn't feel much like blogging. So I asked Him if I could skip the post. He said yes. Last night Master and I had a rather rough afternoon and so when everything was going smoothly again I didn't want to spend it on my blog. Yeah, I know. I love blogging, but for whatever reason I just kind of wanted the weekend off and since I almost never ask to get out of a blog post unless I'm sick, Master allowed it.
Last night though one thing that I love happened. Master and I were not up for fucking. Also, very rare. I had a headache that was bordering a migraine and my neck hurt. Master was just stiff all over and His sinuses were killing Him.
So normally when it's time for me to go to bed, and we already know we're not going to fuck, I either sleep on the couch or I say goodnight to Master and head off to the bedroom.
Well, when bed time rolled around I told Master I needed to sleep in the bedroom simply because it was darker in there. So He said He would come tuck me in.
No I'm not three. I just love it when Master tucks me in. (Okay, yeah. That does make it seem like I'm a three your old. You have a point.) I got under the covers after Master fixed them. The damn things never stay where they are supposed to. Master then pulled the sheet and blanket up over me and laid down beside me. He let me cuddle up to His chest and He just laid there for a while. It was really nice, and I am grateful that He did that.
Eventually He decided it was time for me to actually go to sleep. So He kissed my forehead and said goodnight.
I felt more relaxed just because of that, which seems a bit odd. I mean I always sleep better when He's in the same room but it was just nice having Him come and lay down with me for a little while rather than us just saying goodnight in the living room and me going off to bed.
It's not often that He tucks me in like that. And honestly I had kind of forgotten how nice it was simply because it had been so long ago.
Thank You Master.
I didn't post this past weekend because on Saturday Master and I were just having a great time, and I didn't feel much like blogging. So I asked Him if I could skip the post. He said yes. Last night Master and I had a rather rough afternoon and so when everything was going smoothly again I didn't want to spend it on my blog. Yeah, I know. I love blogging, but for whatever reason I just kind of wanted the weekend off and since I almost never ask to get out of a blog post unless I'm sick, Master allowed it.
Last night though one thing that I love happened. Master and I were not up for fucking. Also, very rare. I had a headache that was bordering a migraine and my neck hurt. Master was just stiff all over and His sinuses were killing Him.
So normally when it's time for me to go to bed, and we already know we're not going to fuck, I either sleep on the couch or I say goodnight to Master and head off to the bedroom.
Well, when bed time rolled around I told Master I needed to sleep in the bedroom simply because it was darker in there. So He said He would come tuck me in.
No I'm not three. I just love it when Master tucks me in. (Okay, yeah. That does make it seem like I'm a three your old. You have a point.) I got under the covers after Master fixed them. The damn things never stay where they are supposed to. Master then pulled the sheet and blanket up over me and laid down beside me. He let me cuddle up to His chest and He just laid there for a while. It was really nice, and I am grateful that He did that.
Eventually He decided it was time for me to actually go to sleep. So He kissed my forehead and said goodnight.
I felt more relaxed just because of that, which seems a bit odd. I mean I always sleep better when He's in the same room but it was just nice having Him come and lay down with me for a little while rather than us just saying goodnight in the living room and me going off to bed.
It's not often that He tucks me in like that. And honestly I had kind of forgotten how nice it was simply because it had been so long ago.
Thank You Master.