Bed -vs- Couch

 Lately I have been having a really hard time sleeping. And the fucked up thing is it's not always just one part of the whole sleeping process. Sometimes I have a really hard time falling asleep, other times I'll pass out right away and wake up on and off all night. Then there are the times where both happen. There have been several times this past month where I have basically just given up and came out to the living room to sleep on the couch simply so I don't keep tossing and turning and keeping Master up. A couple of those times it was because I couldn't breathe through my nose and needed my head to be propped up more. It really sucks regardless of the reason though.

When most people hear that one of the spouses are sleeping on the couch instead of in bed next to their loved one the immediate thought is that there is trouble in paradise. But that is not the case here. Not at all.

And I know that Master isn't really pleased with my sleeping on the couch. He knows it's not because of anything within our relationship. It's just stress, restlessness, pain, and/or allergies. And it all seems to be coming one after another after another.

I'm not making excuses to sleep on the couch, trust me. We both love sleeping next to one another and we always sleep better when the other one is in bed next to us. Hell, there have been times in the past where Master was going to be up really late and so rather than go to bed alone I asked if I could sleep on the couch until He went to bed. He didn't always allow it but I only wanted it because He wasn't going to be in bed with me.

But here it is almost 4am and I'm still awake. Master went off to bed not that long ago. I just didn't want a repeat of last night. Last night I went to bed when Master did, which was about 3am. But I didn't fall asleep until 5:30am. I just couldn't get comfortable. I would try to lay still in one position and attempt to force myself to sleep but it wouldn't work. So I started tossing and turning for that entire time. I was worried about keeping Master up and almost considered sleeping on the couch so I wouldn't wake Him. But my mind turned to His disappointment the last time and so I stayed in bed. I only got about four hours of sleep and even that was broken. I had a really long day today and so I ended up taking about an hour nap on the couch this evening. I don't know if that has to do anything with my not being tired right now. But I really needed that nap. I had taken my bath right before hand and had soaked for a while. I actually felt like I was going to nod off right there in the tub, so I thought napping on the couch would be better. Less of a risk of drowning and all that.

Master has been incredibly understanding. My brain has been mush most of the month. There are just a lot of things going on and nothing to really do about any of it. When I'm stressed out my body gets wired to the point of it driving me nuts and then the next thing I know I'm crashing and nod off. Or stress will make me feel tired all damn day but then when it comes time for me to actually sleep I'm suddenly wide awake. Thank you very much body. It also doesn't help that my fibromyalgia kicks into high gear when I'm stressed which can also make it difficult to sleep sometimes. It also doesn't help that my period started today and the first day or two are always the worst which isn't exactly helping. Mood wise I think I'm fine, but it is not doing my lower back any favors.

I'm just.. tired of being tired I guess. I want at least one night where I go to bed when Master does and I fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night. I think I'm pushing my luck on that hope though. I don't want to sleep on the couch because of this. I want to sleep a full normal night next to my Husband in our bed.

I told Master that I might go soak in the tub again tonight before I come to bed. Maybe the hot water will make me sleepy and I'll be able to pass out quickly once I climb into bed next to Him. I haven't made up my mind on that yet though.

Sleep? What Is Sleep?

I haven't been sleeping for shit for a while now. I know most of it is due to stress with everything that is going on with my grandfather. I will say that certain family members aren't helping my stress levels at times but I also know that they are trying to cope with things the best they can as well. And sometimes that just means venting. Hell today alone was stressing me out. Not because of anyone in particular but just.. well.. it was.

I got a call from my dad today asking if my Husband and I could meet him out at Grandpa's house this upcoming Sunday. He informed me that he was inviting everyone. Everyone includes myself, my Husband, my brother, my uncle, my mother, and my mother's husband. Now, the last two shocked me. My mom and dad can be civil if they are in the same room however that doesn't mean they always are. Especially when emotions are high such as it is in this situation.

Anyway, I told my dad yes and he said he would be getting a hold of my brother as soon as he was off the phone with me. Okay. The only thing my father told me is that the meeting is taking place at Grandpa's house because it has the most room and that the meeting is so we can go over everything, as he put it. What we are going over, I have no idea. I know it'll be related to Grandpa but aside from that I have no clue.

I got off the phone with him and then about a half hour later my mother calls me asking if my dad had gotten a hold of me about Sunday. Yes, he did. She asked if I knew what this was about. No, I didn't. I was calm up to that point but then she asked me a second time and that time I put some force behind my voice. I said,  "No... I don't know what the meeting is about. All Dad told me was that everyone was invited and it is for Sunday. He did not tell me exactly what we will be going over."

I think I was annoyed more just by the fact that yesterday was really hard on me and I didn't sleep well last night or the night before. So calling to ask me if I knew anything more than you did is annoying. After that I went to soak in the bathtub.

I'm laying there soaking in the hot water and reading a book when Master brings the phone in. It's my brother. *sigh* Normally Master wouldn't have brought the phone in but since the situation with Grandpa is so high alert right now we're answering every phone call. Okay... So I talk to him. He was pissed off because he went over to Dad's place and Dad's neighbor was over. My brother and said neighbor don't really get along. Needless to say it didn't take long for things to heat up and my brother storming out. The reasoning this time is because the neighbor stepped on the subject of Grandpa and that set my brother off. So my brother called me to vent. I know he is stressed as well. And really, in our family I'm the only one he can vent to. My brother proceeds to tell me that he is now heading out to see our uncle. I basically said, "If you are in fact trying to get out any information that we will be discussing on Sunday, that's pretty stupid. They said we would all talk Sunday so there is no sense in trying to dig around about it right now." He assured me that isn't what he was doing and that he just wanted to see them. Okay. Fine.

I believe I overreacted after the fact. The fact that I know for sure that Grandpa is never going home is hitting me harder than I thought it would, and yes I am keeping Master updated about that. So knowing that we'll be going out there on Sunday already feels weird to me and then my mother and my brother both call me immediately there after. So... I vented to Master. That poor man... I have been venting a lot and just not being myself lately. He has told me that I am reacting rationally given the situation and it is not my bipolar just kicking up in my ass.

One thing that I did say to my mother and my brother is that I'm hoping that no one starts a screaming match. I said this for a few reasons:

• I don't know what the hell we'll be talking about so the unknown has me a little on edge.
• Everyone's emotions are in high gear.
• My father and my mother don't always act civil.
• My brother, my father, and my uncle have quick tempers.

My mom told me that if that does happen she'll just leave. My brother told me that he will keep his calm.

It may seem like I'm the go to person and I kind of am. I always have been. Everyone in my family comes to me when they need to vent. My father, my mother, and my brother. The only one who doesn't is my uncle and that's because my uncle and I aren't all that close. I love him because he's my uncle but we aren't close at all. Unless he is at Dad's house I don't see him. 

I think right now, after clearing my head a bit, that I overreacted with my flare up of being pissed off after speaking with my brother. Especially since he told me he isn't digging for more info. I believe him. But in that exact moment I just got pissed off about it. Like I said everyone's emotions are rather raw and as a result it doesn't take much for anyone to step on that one nerve.

Master went to bed about a hour and a half ago. I said I would go to bed with Him but He knew I wasn't tired and so He suggested that I stay up a bit and try to relax.

I felt tired as hell earlier this afternoon. I honestly was surprised that I didn't fall asleep on the couch while watching TV. That's how tired I felt. But now I'm wide the fuck awake and it's 4:35am right now. I don't want to go to bed and toss and turn and keep Master up. I did tell Him that I may just crash out here so in case I can't fall asleep I'm not getting in and out of bed. He understood.

Tomorrow is a new day and I'll try to start it with a better attitude.

Mr. Sandman

I don't know what the hell is wrong with me lately, but it really needs to stop.

My sleep schedule is so fucked right now. I go to bed on time, and sometimes fall asleep on the couch before Master wakes me up to send me to bed. What's weird is that when I'm sleeping on the couch in the living room while He is awake I sleep great. It may not look like the most comfortable thing to do but because I'm petite and short, I can get comfortable on the couch rather easily. So I'll rest my head on one of the throw pillows, wrap myself up in my throw blanket and out I go. But when I'm in bed I can't stay asleep for long, regardless of whether or not I fell asleep on the couch first.

Two nights ago I woke up a minimum of six times. I say minimum because I kind of lost count of how many times I woke up and looked at the clock for no damn reason. There were no loud noises, the dog wasn't trying to wake me up, Master didn't wake me up accidentally or anything along those lines.

I would just wake up and then worry that I had slept through my alarm only to roll over and look at the clock and realize that I actually had another four hours before I had to get up. Seriously? What the fuck?

It's been like that for about the past month. Some nights are better than others. But it has been a long time since I've slept through the night without waking up at all before my alarm goes off. Too long.

To try and fix that I took a benadryl last night before I went to bed. That stuff makes me drowsy so sometimes I'll take it right before bed in the hopes that it'll knock me out and keep me out. It kind of worked. I only woke up once before my alarm. And I had about two hours of sleep left. Thankfully I was able to fall back asleep almost immediately.

I don't know why the fuck this is happening. I don't really know how to fix it. But I figure that as long as I get some semblance of sleep, I'll be okay. I'm just really hoping that I'll have a nice streak going on where I don't wake up until I have to. Getting through an entire week would be wonderful, but some how I doubt that will happen.

Snooze Button Not Needed

This whole not sleeping thing is really starting to piss me the hell off. Friday and Saturday nights I sleep great. There is no issue of getting up and down during the night. I don't worry about it. At all.

But Sunday through Thursday I can't sleep for shit. I'm not entirely sure how long this has been going on but it feels like forever. I would say it's been going on for at least four months. I'm not sure why it started. I mean I've had nights like that on and off through just like every once and a while, just like anyone else. But this is bordering on the ridiculous. It's every single night Sunday through Thursday. Some nights are better than others. Maybe I'll only wake up once and have a tiny amount of trouble falling back asleep. Other times, like last night, I wake up four times or more and have a hard time falling back asleep. Mainly I just get into that half awake half asleep state before I fully wake up again just to start the cycle over and over again.

So yeah. That's what happened last night. I think I woke up four or five times. No less than four. I would wake up, roll over to look at the clock, mumble to myself and then turn back over so I'm not staring at the clock anymore and started to drift back off to sleep or some semblance there of.

The last time I woke up and looked at the clock it was 45 minutes before my alarm was supposed to go off. I tried to go back to sleep. Another 45 minutes sounded really, really good. I closed my eyes and felt like I might drift back off but the next thing I know my eyes snapped open and I was fully awake. I turned over once more to look at the clock and it had only five minutes had passed. Seriously?!

Fine. Fuck it. I made sure my alarm was turned off so it wouldn't wake up Master and then I slowly got out of bed. I half stumbled into the living room and woke up a little bit before I started getting ready for work. The dog was looking at me as if I was insane for already being awake. He also looked like I was bothering him. It was kind of cute. But in the back of my head I was thinking, "At least you can nap later mutt."

Since I got up so damn early I had time to kill before I had to head out. That just seemed to make me more cranky. I hate waiting to leave. It annoys the hell out of me actually. I'm also not a morning person, so that didn't help one little bit. That's why I try to sleep as late as I can on weekdays. That way I'm not waiting in order to go to work. I just get up, get ready, take care of the dog, and head out.

It just wasn't a good start to work day, let alone a Monday. I just may take a Benadryl before bed tonight. I truly do not want to rely on them to get a good night's sleep but I don't really feel like I have much of a choice tonight.

All day I felt tired. But once I got out of work and started running errands I woke up fully once again. And now I'm wide awake. I have a feeling that isn't going to change. It might.

Another reason why it's pissing me off is because then I'll pass out at some point on the couch when I should be enjoying the evening with my Husband. And on the weekends I do the same thing. I'll take naps without even meaning to when I should be enjoying the down time with Him. Part of the reason why I ask to stay up late on weeknights is because I hope to sleep through the night by making myself stay up. Sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn't. Last night it did not and Master had allowed me to stay up. *sigh*

Power Down

I am not a morning person. At all. Not even a little bit. I'm not super bitch when I wake up or anything along those lines. I just hate early morning. Every time I get up and realize what time it is I just want to plop back on the bed and bury myself under the comforter.

Normally, I do not wake up unless the alarm goes off or the dog gets me up. On the weekends, if I have somewhere to be before mid afternoon I make sure I set an alarm so I'm up and ready to go by the time what is going on comes around. There have been times where I have slept until noon or almost 1pm on the weekends. Those days happen when my body just shuts itself off to recharge from week of hell and it's not my turn to take the dog in the morning.It can also happen if I've been sick. Trust me, if Master didn't think I needed it He wouldn't allow me to sleep that late. But since there is no alarm, the dog hasn't gotten me up, and Master is allowing it.. I just sleep and sleep some more.

As a result, during the work week I don't normally get up until my alarm goes off. In fact there are plenty of times where the alarm will startle me awake because I was sleeping that deeply.

But lately.. I've been waking up before my alarm goes off. A good half hour to a hour before the alarm goes off. And it's honestly pissing me off. I'm not use to it and I don't know why it's happening. It's even happening on the days where I'm going to work an hour early. What the hell brain?

It happened again this morning in fact. My alarm was set for 6:30am. That gives me about 20 minutes to get ready in the morning and that's really all I need. But.. rather than sleeping until the alarm went off I woke up at 5:40am. *sigh*

I didn't get out of bed though. Fuck that noise. So I stayed in bed, next to Master, and just did that whole half sleep thing. You know, where you're not awake but can hear noises and sense movement. I finally did climb out of bed at 6:15am. Only fifteen minutes early rather than damn near an hour.

The other fucked up part of it is the fact that I'm not tired by the time my normal bed time hits. I'm wide awake and don't want to go to bed. You would think I would be exhausted from waking up on and off all night and then waking up before the alarm. But nope. Wide awake.

Like I said, I have no idea why it happens. I don't know if anything is causing it and if so what the hell it would be. I'm just chalking it all up to stress and my brain not being able to shut down all the way. Sounds like as good of an excuse/reason as any.

What The Fuck Brain?

Master brought something up yesterday that I thought rather odd. When He started off the conversation I thought I was in trouble. But nope. Thankfully. I wasn't panicking over possibly being in trouble because I had done something wrong. It was more a shocked, "What...?" I think I got that feeling because of the look on His face. Apparently, it wasn't His stern face I was seeing. He was confused about something.

Hm. Okay. Well we have two almost completely different sleep schedules during the work week. I normally have to go to bed between 11pm and 11:30pm. Sometimes He'll be nice and let me stay up until midnight. He, on the other hand, normally comes to bed between 2:30am and 3:30am. So it's literally only a few hours before my alarm goes off.

Anyway, apparently when He has been coming to bed to slip under the covers and cuddle up to me I start whimpering. I make these little scared noises I guess. No talking. Just whimpering. And I move across the bed until I'm basically up against the wall.

My side of the bed is pushed up against the wall. There is really no other way to fit our bed in the bedroom without it being right in front of the closet or near a heat register.

He'll whisper to me and tell me it's Him and that it's okay. After that He said either I relax and back into Him so my back is against His chest. Other times I'll stay right where I am and eventually stop whimpering.

I have absolutely no memory of any of this. I mean I must be in a damn deep sleep. That's part of what is confusing me. I'll wake up when I "sense" that the bathroom light is on or if the power goes out and the fan turns off.

But I don't wake up when all that is going on?

So, He asked me if I knew why that was happening. I admitted that I had no fucking idea. Especially since when I go to bed I wish He were right next to me. It's easier for me to sleep when He's next to me. So me doing all that makes no sense what so ever. I don't remember having any nightmares except for that one night a while back. And I didn't even remember what the hell the nightmare was about.

So... what the fuck brain?

Bad Dreams

I had bad dreams all night last night. I don't remember what the hell they were about, which just makes it worse. I was tossing and turning all night. I woke up randomly and then went into a half sleep, which was highly annoying.

I think I kept Master up as well, which I feel bad about. I've always kind of wondered how the hell you know that you've had a bad dream but you don't remember what the fuck it was about. If I don't remember what it was about how can I know I had a bad dream? I guess it's just the feeling you have when you wake up. I don't know.

That feeling stuck with me most of the day. I've just had a blah mood and just felt kind of spaced out. I feel rather cuddly and affectionate. So I've been randomly hugging Master and kissing His forward and other random things like that.

It's a good thing He is an affectionate person. It would be awkward if He wasn't. I'm a very affectionate person and even more so when I'm like this. For example, on my way over to the computer to do my blog post I stopped by His chair and kissed His forehead a couple of times and He just smiled.

I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday and that Master and I pretty much have the whole weekend to ourselves except for tomorrow when we visit my dad for a while. But that's not a big deal since Master and my dad get along like best friends when they are around each other.

Hopefully tonight I'll sleep without a problem. The funny thing is that I don't feel tired at all. You would think that since I didn't get a good night's sleep that I would be exhausted, especially after the kind of work day I had, but I'm wide awake. I'm just blah.

Foggy

I didn't sleep for shit last night. Even though this work week has been especially rough on me and I've been passing out on the couch all week, for some reason last night I simply was not tired.

Well, I can't really say that. I was worn out. I was physically tired. But mentally for whatever reason I was wide awake. My brain didn't want to shut down and yet there was nothing spinning around in there. Normally when my mind won't shut down it's because I have thoughts, worries, stresses, etc. stuck on loop inside my head. That wasn't the case last night. It was just not wanting to fucking shut down and allow me to sleep. I don't think I actually fell asleep until almost 2am and even then it was more of that in and out of sleep feeling. I wouldn't fully drift off, but I wasn't fully awake either.

Regardless of the fact that I didn't get much sleep at all, I woke up full before my damn alarm even went off. As a result, I have been really foggy all day. I was fine to drive, obviously, and I did my job without a problem. But in general I just feel foggy headed and spaced the hell out. It's almost as if I can't fully concentrate unless it was on work. If I know I have a task that I must complete I can be very focused when I'm like this, but if I have nothing that I absolutely have to do I can't focus at all.

But at least this night has been, for the most part, relaxing. Master and I are enjoying one of my favorite shows on Netflix and I know I don't have to do a damn thing tomorrow, which makes me happy. After a week like this I need to have a day of nothing at all.

Well, nothing outside of taking the dog outside. I'm greatly looking forward to the down time with Master. I could use some cuddling.

What Is This Sleep You Speak Of?

I haven't been sleeping well lately. What's weird is that it's only on the nights prior to work. Friday nights I sleep great! Saturday nights I sleep like the dead.

Sunday through Thursday on the other hand it's anyone's guess. Lately I've been waking up a good hour to a hour and a half before my alarm is supposed to go off. The dumb thing is I am not a morning person by and stretch of the imagination. When that happens I basically refuse to get out of bed. I end up rolling over, pulling the blanket damn near over my head and then trying to fall back asleep. I have no idea why it's happening. The dog isn't waking me up. Master isn't waking me up. There isn't a sudden noise or light. I just wake up for absolutely no reason. If I could figure out how to do something about it I would. But since there doesn't seem to be anything triggering it I have no idea how to go about finding a solution.

Today it happened again. On top of that last night I had a hard time even falling asleep.

Master had used me right before bed and normally that will knock me the hell out. Sex normally does one of two things. It either makes me fall asleep almost immediately with a smile on my face or it wires me the hell up and I feel like I've drank an entire pot of coffee.

Last night though it didn't have either of those effects on me. It wasn't that the sex was anything but great, which is what confuses me so damn much.

I was stuck in neutral. My brain wasn't wound up but it wasn't winding down either.

So I basically was there in bed trying to fall asleep. I didn't toss or turn. I had my head on the pillow, the blankets all tucked around me and my eyes closed. I just could not get myself to shut off. I need a light switch installed I think. So last night I think I got about four to five hours of sleep and it wasn't a straight set of sleep at that. It was broken at random points.

The most fucked up thing? I'm not tired. I was tired earlier in the day but I'm not now. I wish I could just make my body shut down by staying up as late as possible until my brain starts to shut itself down. Sometimes that's the only way I can reset my clock. But I have a bedtime and I highly doubt that Master would allow that when He knows I have to have the car on the interstate by 7am.

Sluggish Mind

The problem with not having to set an alarm for four days in a row is that you have a really difficult time going to bed on time. Last night Master allowed me to stay up a little bit but even after I went to bed I just couldn't get comfortable. I think I finally fell asleep and stayed asleep around 2am. The alarm went off and it kind of startled me awake. Fuck.

So I got up and got ready for the work day. I've been sluggish most of the day. It doesn't seem to matter how much caffeine I consume, I'm still sluggish.

I was a bit swamped today but this morning I had decided that I wasn't going to get stressed out today. And I didn't. I stayed calm and just did what I could do. I got most of it done and tomorrow shouldn't be as bad so it doesn't really matter.

Aside from work today there isn't a lot going on and there isn't much on my mind. As I said, I'm groggy and kind of sluggish. My mind is just ticking by slowly. I type rather quickly and when I look at the clock and then look back at what I've typed out I'm surprised there is so little there. *sigh*

Side Effect

Being manic can have it's draw backs. Last night I experienced one. We were sitting outside having a good time with our neighbors and we came in a little late. I was still wide awake when I did my post last night. I started to feel myself wind down and Master wanted me to get some sleep anyway since I had to drive in the morning to go to work.

Well, I was in bed a little before midnight. It was almost 2am by the time I drifted off. I didn't get out of bed. It was tempting, but I knew if I did that I would never get any sleep and Master would have told me to go right back to bed anyway.

The problem was that it didn't really feel like sleeping. It was more that half asleep half awake feeling. I woke up many times as the night went on. I remember Master coming to bed and I remember tossing and turning. I also remember just laying there with my eyes closed but feeling like I couldn't get comfortable. I didn't want to move though.

I thought that if I moved I would just wake up more. At about 5am I looked at the clock. My alarm was going to go off in about an hour and a half. I sighed and looked over at Master. I like watching Him sleep. I know that He knew I wasn't sleeping well. He would roll over and put His arm around me when I would mumble and try to get comfortable again. Having Him next to me always makes me feel better. I would fall asleep for a little while when I felt His arm go around me.

But when I looked at the clock when it hit 5am I basically just laid there until my alarm went off. I dozed on and off but never fell fully asleep.

The alarm went off. I got up and got ready for work. I took the dog out and left Master my morning note. In the note I told Him that I hadn't sleep well but that I was okay to drive.

Surprisingly I'm not tired. That may change as the night goes on but right now I'm okay.

Drained

I've done quite a bit of overtime this week. I was okay until today. I went in two hours early and I was having a hell of a time waking up. Soda wasn't working. Coffee wasn't working. Nothing was giving me a kick start. So it wasn't until about noon that I actually started feeling fully functional. Thankfully the work week is over. Now I have two days to be lazy. Master and I don't have any errands to run. We don't have any family to visit. It's just going to be a lazy weekend. Although at some point this weekend I'm hoping it's nice enough to have the front patio door cracked open without it being too chilly.

I wish I knew what the hell to write about. I know, I'm on the every other day blog posting now but today my mind is just kind of mush. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't crashed yet. I've been sleeping okay but for some reason I just feel absolutely drained.

I don't think it's just the work week. I mean until today I've been fine. Then today comes and I just to to be a bump on a log.

It might have something to do with the weather. It was hot out yesterday and today it was chilly. Weird. I asked Master if I promise to do a post tomorrow if I can cut this one short. He agreed. So I'll see you tomorrow.

Just 5 More Minutes

Last night I fell asleep rather quickly, but I couldn't stay asleep very long. I would wake up, look at the clock, sigh and then fall back asleep. I must have done this at least five times. Then the dog tried waking me up at 5am. I told him to go lay down and finally got up when my alarm went off at 6am.

I stumbled out of bed, got ready for work, took the dog out and then waited for the carpool to pick me up. It was difficult for me to keep my eyes open on the ride to work. So as soon as I clocked in I got some caffeine in me and was fine from there.

I got out of work at noon and as soon as I got home we left again to go run errands. After that Master and I relaxed a bit at home before I went to go pick up my prescriptions, which took forever. I swear those people are on permanently on the slow-motion function.

So all well and good so far. Master and I watched some TV and I got comfortable on the couch with one of Master's hoodies on. He could tell I was ready to pass the hell out so He asked me what time I wanted to be woken up at. I said in about a hour and a half. I promptly zonked out.

He woke me up when I had asked Him to and I woke up and looked at Him through groggy eyes. He knew I was still exhausted so He told me He would wake me again in about an hour. That ended up being at 9pm. Thankfully I don't have to get up early tomorrow as I know damn well I'm going to be up until at least 2am or until Master goes to bed, which ever comes first.

I'm really glad that the weekend is finally here. This work week has been mentally exhausting and in some ways I think that's actually worse than being physically worn out. Why? Because my mind wants to shut down but my body hasn't had that physical work out to wear it out which brings me to that really weird place where my mind is telling me I should sleep and my body is like "But we haven't done anything!"

So hopefully, when we finally go to bed tonight, I'll be able to fall asleep and stay that way until morning.

Sleep Is Overrated

Yesterday I had slept in later than I had intended to. That actually happens frequently on the weekend. Not that it's a bad thing. But when it's on a Sunday it makes it really hard to go to bed on time that night.

Last night I had asked Master if I could stay up until 12:30am. He said He would think about it. We watched Netflix and relaxed. I had already taken my shower and done my blog post earlier in the evening to make sure Master and I could just relax. That was nice.

Then midnight rolled around. I was looking at the clock, dreading bed time. I wasn't tired at all. I was wide awake and I hate laying in bed doing nothing but tossing and turning. It just makes it harder to sleep. At least it does for me. But Master had other things in mind. He ordered me to the bedroom and laid down next to me. We fucked and it was great. It started off more gently than usual. Master was on top of me, holding me to Him. We don't do that a lot so I think that's why it means more to me when it does happen.

As we continued of course it got rougher. *smirks* I don't think we've had straight up gentle sex in a long time. I'm not complaining, just merely stating a fact.

When we were done Master allowed me to sit in the living room for a little while. But once the clock went past 1am He told me I had to go to bed. I pouted. I told Him I didn't want to sleep. I wanted to stay up and read. (I recently got a new to me used book.) Master was firm about it though. He told me I had to go to sleep, no questions, no procrastinating. He gave me a hug and a kiss and sent me off to bed.

Sometimes having a bed time really sucks. I know it's for my own good, but when you're not tired and you just want to stay up and read or talk for a while, it's a bit annoying. However, once I got to bed it only took me about a half hour to fall asleep. I honestly thought I would be more tired this morning. But I wasn't. In fact my day went rather well and I'm still not tired. Hell, I didn't even have to catch a second wind of energy. Nope. Just comfortably sailing through the day with out being tired. It's only 8:40pm and I already have taken my shower and am now finishing up my post. Which means that I get more down time with Master before I have to go to bed.

Hmm..

I've been sitting here, staring at my blog, trying to figure out what the hell to write about for roughly 15 minutes or so. I must have really bad writer's block tonight.

It's been a good weekend but I feel kind of spacey right now. I slept in later than I wanted to and I'm sure I'll have a problem going to bed tonight. But waiting until I'm actually tired before passing out makes more sense to me rather than trying to force myself to sleep. Then I just get irritated and then can't fall asleep because I'm irritated.

It's a vicious cycle. Plus that means I'll be tired tomorrow when I get home and get back on my normal sleep schedule. That's really the only thing that works for me is to force my body to become so tired that I want to go to bed on time if not a bit early. Otherwise it's one night after another of nothing but my being restless.

Damn. Writing block again. I hate starting at the damn cursor when I can't think of what to write about. It mocks me.

Nightmares

I have been having troubles sleeping the past few days. Sunday night I woke up several times just long enough to check the alarm clock, groan when I realized what time it was, and then try to get a few more hours of sleep. Sometimes I woke up it seemed for no reason. Other times I woke up knowing that I had been having a nightmare, but I couldn't remember about what.

Last night was the same thing. I ended up sleeping out in the living room because Master wasn't ready to go to sleep. I had no memory of what my nightmares were about but apparently they had messed with me enough that I didn't want to go to bed alone. Honestly it's not really abnormal for me to want to sleep in the living room simply because Master isn't ready to go to bed. But last night I knew that the nightmares were part of the reason.

I slept fine in the living room. Master woke me up to go to bed, we curled up and I fell back asleep. But I had nightmares again. And again I have no memory of what they were. I don't even have glimpses of them when I'm awake to try and figure out what the subject matter is. I hate that. When I at least know something of what they were I feel better about it. That may sound weird, but that's just how I work.

When I can't remember anything it irritates the living hell out of me.

Master asked me a very good question. He asked if maybe the nightmares are a side effect of the medication I'm on. I honestly don't think so, but I could be wrong. However the medication may be the reason why I can't remember anything about them. I could be wrong about that though too.

Weird.

This morning I woke up feeling like death warmed over. I don't have a cold or the flu, but my head was pounding, my throat hurt and I felt extremely sluggish. I went to work anyway, even though I really didn't want to. But it didn't make any sense to me to use a vacation day when I wasn't terribly ill. I feel better right now, but I feel run down. Tired. Worn the fuck out.

Hopefully there won't be any nightmares tonight and I'll be able to sleep from the time my head hits the pillow until the time my alarm goes off.