Worn Down

This week has been kicking my ass. Work has been busy as hell. It feels like I'm knocking one thing out only to have three more things show up on my desk. Meanwhile all my coworkers are standing about talking to each other for an hour at a time, then bitch about how much work they have to do. *sigh*

Then there is all the other stress that is not work related. Finances. Family. Grandpa's health. Blah.

Today I got bitchy due to the stress and took it out on Master. We cut the disagreement short and watch a show on Netflix. I had fully calmed down within about 15 minutes. Once the episode was done I turned to Master and I apologized. I explained why I was stressed and how much this week has been kicking my tail.

He didn't hold it against me, He was calm when He talked to me as well. The medication is working well, but as I've said before I can still react. Today I reacted with anger to the stress. However, it wasn't like it was before I took my medication. Without medication I can hold onto that kind of shit for days. Even the smallest thing, if it hit me the wrong way, would tip me over the edge and I'd be one hell of a bitch for quite some time. Then suddenly I would be fine and then wonder why Master was upset with me.

But today I just lashed out once. I calmed down after the outburst in what I would consider a normal amount of time and I haven't gone back to that aggression since. In fact I've been trying to focus on being calm.

I just feel worn out. I feel worn down. I don't know how else to explain it. I'm not depressed. So at least that much. But I'm not really happy either. That's why I say I just feel worn down. At work I'm just kind of going through the motions and at home I'm trying to relax the best I can. Thankfully Master is trying to help me with that as well. He's a good man and I love Him.