Rituals

I think that a lot of D/s or M/s couples start out with some format of ritual. I could be way off base on that. But I know that Master and I did. Kneeling at certain times each day without prompting, carrying His drinks a certain way when bringing them to Him, offering my pussy to Him by putting my ass in the air and my face to the ground while He sat in His recliner, crawling everywhere I needed to go in the apartment unless asking for permission first.

But as time passes those things become common place. They aren't as exciting anymore. Even Master grew tired of the same thing all the time, regardless of how attractive He finds me when my ass is in the air. When it happens three times a day every day, it just gets to be... normal. And normal in such situations isn't good. At least not to me or to my Master.

And so now we have two rituals left. One is that on the weekends when He takes His shower I am to kneel outside the bathroom door unless He tells me to just relax or sends me on an errand. I have to admit I prefer to either kneel or be sent on an errand. Master and I were talking about this last night actually. I was saying how it kind of sets the mood for the day on the weekends. During the work week I get up before He does, I get ready and I go on my way to work. I don't fully get to experience His Domination until I get home from work. So on the weekends when I kneel outside the bathroom door while He takes His shower, I feel that I can relax and enjoy starting the day off fully in my submission to Him rather than having to worry about outside influences that are necessary evils.

And as we spoke about such He agreed that He felt the same way. When I'm at work, He knows that I am still His slave and that I am being a good girl, but He doesn't slip fully into His Dominant mood until I get home. But on the weekends He enjoys putting me in my place and putting me through my paces. It's like we're both exercising our muscles that have been denied for most of the week. We can stretch them once I get home from work, but it's a shadow of how we use them during the weekends.

And so as we spoke about such I said that it would be nice to have a reminder similar to the one we have to set the pace for the day on the weekends. And He said He would think about it. In fact tonight when I got home while we waited for dinner to finish cooking, I was of course already undressed. I sat on the floor in front of His chair as I have taken to doing recently to tell Him of my day and just talk. And He said, "Why are you sitting?" and so I quickly corrected myself and knelt up. He had me stay like that until our conversation finished and it was time for dinner. I greatly enjoyed it. I don't know if that's what He has in mind, or if He is going to change it up. But either way I was very happy to do it.

The 2nd ritual we have kept is that once I have done with my bath or shower, regardless of the day of the week I kneel at the side of His recliner until He tells me to relax or tells me to fetch Him something. That happens every night of the week, but it does not get boring. It still pleases both of us and I don't think that one will ever go away.

But that is all we need these days. We now prefer to be more spontaneous. He is now doing more of the snapping of His fingers and pointing at His feet when He wants me to kneel before Him. And it makes my pulse quicken when He does that. That is what I enjoy. The spontaneity and the excitement that comes from it.

Reasons

Everyone has their reasons for getting into this lifestyle. Everyone has something they can connect to the types of desires and needs that only this lifestyle can provide.

I, for some reason, feel like sharing mine today. I'm sure I have in the past, since I've been blogging for about 4 years now. But I feel like blogging about it now. So forgive me if this is a repeat post.

When Master and I first started our path in this lifestyle it was mainly just my desire to be man-handled and for rough sex. And I believe that's how it started for Him as well. I am not sure to be honest, on His part.

But for me it was mainly that. I had a desire to be treated roughly during sex, and that is really all it was was bedroom Domination and submission in the beginning. It started in the bedroom and ended once we left it. But as the days turned to weeks, and the weeks into months, He and I started talking about how such things had woken deeper desires in both of us. We started looking into what else might be there that we could explore and enjoy together.

And so that is when the D/s part of our relationship spilled out of the bedroom and into our every day lives. But see at that point we weren't living together yet. So it was an entirely different animal back then. But again before we lived together it went from Dominant and submissive to Master and slave. Owner and property.

We both greatly enjoyed it. And when we first started living together it took quite a bit of getting use to on both our parts. Him to have someone to Dominate at all times, and me not having time where I could do as I wished without seeking permission first. It was a long adjustment period for us both.

And then we added marriage to the mix. Or as we call our marriage license "ownership papers". *smirks* I took His last name and that deepened my desire to please Him.

We hit rough patches when I would cycle through periods of time where I wanted nothing more than to be an extension of His will to where I wanted nothing more than to drop it all and give it all up. And the moment He would verbally release me from my status as His slave I would break down sobbing and begging Him to not allow such to take place. It was all extremely confusing for both of us. He did not understand why I continued these cycles, and neither did I. It was a large part of the reason why I started seeking mental help. And a very good thing I did as I was not so long ago diagnosed as bi-polar and placed on medication for it. The medication has worked wonders and my submission has been in tact since. I now once more only desire to be an extension of His will, and have not since questioned my need to do so. I now realize I had been self destructive, which was also causing great pain to the one I love more than life itself. My mate. My Husband. My Master.

But that is behind us now, and we are moving forward.

These thoughts were going through my mind earlier today and I realized that while I started off with only the desire to have rough sex and take orders while getting fucked, it has grown into something much more complex.

I need Him to be the Alpha. I need to have a man with a will so strong that there really is no option of not obeying Him. I needed that and I have it now. I may not always like His decisions but I have and will not go against His wishes. That is not to say I follow blindly. I have a mind and I have opinions, which Master enjoys hearing and does in fact take into consideration, but the final word is His. And I can only follow from that point forward.

I also have a need to be a part of something greater than myself. And Master and I are a team stronger than any I have ever seen. We are strong apart, but are a force to be reckoned with together. His force and will looping through me and then back to Him. We have this odd way of our energies looping through one another, which by the way is amazing during sex. I am an extension of Him. And because of that my loyalties will always lie with Him as without Him I could no longer be whole. I was not whole before I met Him and could never be whole again without Him with me. And I feel He is the same. He was not whole without me and would not be again if I were not His any longer. We have completed one another on more than just an emotional level. And that unbreakable connection that goes down to the very root of each of us is why I continue this lifestyle and why I am thankful that we started this path so long ago. If we had not dipped our toes in, we would have missed out on so much and would not know how deeply we could really connect. We would not be how we are. We would not be who we are.

And I know that I could not submit to anyone but Him. He may allow others to give orders or to do things to/with me, but I do not submit to them. I submit to His will, and His will alone. I listen to others only because He wishes it.

Some people think that the women who submit to their men are weak. They believe that the women who submit to their men are turning back time to when women did not have a voice, that we are setting back all women. And to that I say this: I would not be as strong of a woman as I am today without having submitted to Him first.

And I will also be bold enough to say this: If your man is not strong enough to dominate you to the point where you wish to submit, to please him, and to follow him, to become an extension of him... you do not have a man. You have a shadow of what a man should be.

Hiding

I know I've posted about how if Master did not have certain restrictions on me I would do other things to modify and/or alter my look.

I had this visual of myself today while I was just kind of day dreaming. My hair was straight (it's naturally curly) and it was raven colored with small dark red streaks in it. I had midnight black eyeliner on with dark red lipstick. I was pale, as I normally am. As my mental picture pulled back I saw what I was wearing. I had on mesh fingerless gloves that went up to my elbows. A black tank top that had rips in it in all the right places, a black mini skirt with a couple of light chains attached to it, mesh knee highs and some killer black heels on. My ink all looked brand new and I had the next one I want already done, and it looked great.

I don't know why but I've always wanted my hair to be raven colored. The streaks don't necessarily have to be in it, but I love raven colored hair and I wish I had it. But Master will a) not allow me to dye my hair and 2) is completely against dying hair black because He did it once when He was younger and hated it.

So that was an interesting flash of a mental picture. Sometimes I just see myself in certain ways that are just... odd. I see myself in ways that I can never be. Just certain things that Master will not allow or that I can not have done because I have to be able to fit into normal society for work purposes. And how sucky is that? Why, just to maintain a good job, do I have to be able to hide that side of myself? Tattoos and piercings do not change my ability to do a job well. However, for some fucked up reason that's how companies see most people. "Oh.. you're tattooed and pierced up one side and down the other... you must not be very responsible."

Sometimes yes, my tattoos show, but not normally. And I don't have piercings in any places that anyone can see unless I'm topless and/or naked. Which isn't a bad thing but I miss my eyebrow ring. I would get it done again in a heartbeat if I could have it in while I was at work at least during the healing period. But I can't. That's one thing I don't understand about my job. You can have your ink showing as long as it's not offensive, but you can't have any visible piercings. What. The. Fuck.

It's like I told Master the other day, when I see pictures of myself where none of my tattoos are showing (like at Christmas at His mother's or whatever) I look and I don't see myself. I mean, I know that's me, but there is nothing showing that I feel helps me express myself. Ink, piercings, etc. Even when I get that forearm tattoo I'll still be able to cover it up. I wish I had something that I couldn't hide no matter what. Something, even if it's small, that I can't cover up. Maybe one day it'll happen, and maybe it won't. I know that there are sometimes where you want to be able to cover up every tattoo and every piercing you have. But I don't really want to have that option anymore. I didn't use to when I had the eyebrow ring. No matter what you could see it, case I never took it out. And I loved it. Master didn't like it at first when He met me, but eventually He actually thought it looked nice.

I don't know where this sudden rekindling of such a desire is coming from. But it's interesting.

Master Makes It All Okay

I had a very shitty day today. I won't go into the whys of it as it all has to do with work, and I hate blogging about that constantly. So let's just stick with I was having a very shitty day.

I was telling Master about it while I was still at work and He immediately tried to start cheering me up. And it didn't take long before I was in a better mood and in a better frame of mind because of it. I apologized to Him for being cranky and He said He understood and that the reason(s) why were completely understandable.

To me this means a few things. First, I was not overreacting. Which is a very good thing. This also means that my medications are working and I'm acting more "rationally". It also meant that I had not overstepped any lines when talking to Him.

So it was Master to the rescue once again today. I can only imagine how much worse my mood would be right now if He hadn't cheered me up and made me laugh. When I get in a bad mood sometimes I have a really hard time getting out of it. Instead I kind of just let it cycle through my mind over and over again, which makes me more and more pissed off. But nine times out of ten He can snap me out of that cycle with a quick joke. And when we're face to face all He has to do is give me a nice long hug and kiss the top of my head and all is right with the world.

Blank Mind

I have no idea what I should blog about. No idea what so ever. I tried my best to not take a muscle relaxer today. And I made it until about 3pm when finally my neck said, "Fuck you, you're taking a pill!"

I was pushing myself a little too far today. But being behind on my work fucks with me a lot. So I was pushing and pushing and pushing until that first familiar twinge of "Oh hell" started up. Then I backed way off, popped a muscle relaxer and a few Advil and waited for the work day to be done.

But these muscle relaxers always make me so damn loopy. And apparently a loopy Kitten does not make for good blog posts.

Master has been incredibly kind and understanding. He has been allowing me to chill a lot. He still tells me when to take my bath and when to do my blog post. But other than that He's mainly just having me relax and rest as much as I can. I don't do well with feeling like I can't live up to my normal expectations. My normal expectations being that I can do a full 8+ hour work day, come home, and do what my Master wants when He wants me to do it without feeling sluggish or just not home at all.

But when I'm not feeling 100% Master is constantly on my tail to make sure I relax and rest. Cause if He didn't do that He knows I would keep pushing myself until I crash.

He takes such good care of me. And I tell Him that all the time when I'm sick or in a lot of pain or my body is just plain fucking with me. And He normally just smiles and tells me that I do the same for Him. Which is true, but that doesn't mean I don't appreciate it when He does such for me.

Not that He doesn't always take good care of me. Because He does, and I take good care of Him all the time as well. But when either of us are unwell in any way the other one steps it up a notch. It's reassuring, and it's a great weight off my shoulders to know that I have someone else I can lean on. No one should have to stand on their own two feet with no one to lean on. Unfortunately I know a lot of people who are in relationships that do. I've been in relationships like that. It's rough, and it's emotionally unsettling. But I don't have to worry about it ever again. Master will always be there for me to lean on, and to take care of me when I need it. Even if I don't know I need it. ;-)

Just This Once...

Okay, I know I said I wouldn't post about work. Or did I say I wouldn't post about it very often? Either way, I don't want to post about work very often on my blog because there are better topics to focus on. However, I'm going to post about work today. It kinda ties into the whole emergency trip thing.

Okay so I went to work this morning. I woke up feeling fine, that is until the car ride to work. Since the interstate is under construction (when isn't it?) it's not a very smooth ride in certain parts. And so by the time I got to work my neck was kind of pissed off at me. So I took a muscle relaxer and sent an e-mail to my supervisor asking when would be a good time to come and talk to him. He replied almost immediately saying that he was free now.

I was a bit nervous. I've never admitted to anyone I've ever worked with or for that I have fibromyalgia. I know it's not a big deal and it's not something to be embarrassed about. But normally I figure it's no one's business. But this time it was. So I went into his office and handed him not only the note for work from the ER doctor, but also a list of medications that I was prescribed and I showed him the other paperwork I took home from the ER. Basically I brought everything with me except for the bracelets they make you wear when you're checked in to the ER. He looked genuinely concerned, and said that he understood why I didn't come to work yesterday. Hell he was even trying to help me figure out how to make up the hours in the quickest way possible. He's a great supervisor.

He said he would talk to HR for me regarding this since it's ultimately up to them if it counts as a valid "excuse" for going over my personal time/vacation time without being written up. (Basically if you go to the ER because of alcohol poisoning cause your dumbass got drunk the night before work... yeah.. that's probably not going to fly.)

About a half hour later HR sends me an e-mail asking me to come to her office. So I go. She said that there will be no disciplinary actions what so ever, but that I still had to make up the time. She then told me that if I get a primary care physician (which I already planned on doing) and I could get them to sign a FMLA form then if this kind of thing happens in the future and the doctor agrees that it was necessary for me to not be at work then it won't count against my personal time or my vacation time and I won't have to make up the hours unless I want to.  So I'll be looking for a primary physician soon. Not just because of stuff like this, but because I should do it anyway. That way I can go to a regular doctor for my fibromyalgia rather than the emergency room when it gets to the point that I just can't move without crying.

So I do have to say that I have a great job. Very understanding, very supportive. I genuinely enjoy working there, even if I wouldn't mind an extra day off or two here and there. ;-)

I think that's part of the reason why I freak out when I make a mistake or can't easily keep up with my work. 1) I've never been fired from a job. 2) I've never been written up at a job. 3) I really like my job a lot. 4) I really fucking need my paycheck.

So it looks like since I take the carpool to and from work I'll just have to clock in as early as I can based on what time my ride gets me there, cut my lunches as short as possible, and then probably have to work the rest of it off on Saturday. Which sucks, but it couldn't be helped really.

As far as why "Marriage" is tagged in this post?

My Husband fucking rocks. That's why. He checked in on me a few times throughout the day. He even offered to drive out the pain meds I left at home. (I brought the muscle relaxers and the nasuea pills with me.) That's a 45 minute drive just to bring me pills. I told Him I'd be okay and that I was taking Advil at work and would be fine. I also promised that if it got too bad I would tell Him. But mainly I was just drowsy most of the day. And a bit stressed because I had so much work on my desk when I got there. And as soon as I got something done, something else was placed on my desk to replace it. I got more done than I expected to. But I hate being behind at work. I pride myself on staying on top of my work flow. So this is driving me nuts. I'm hoping that I get to work a bit sooner tomorrow but I can't force the carpool to leave any sooner than they want to. So I'll just do my best and keep doing my best. By the end of Saturday (which I'm assuming I have to work) I'll be caught up. I won't leave until my work flow is right where it should be so I can start Monday with a clean slate.

Update

Forgive me if this post is kind of short.

This is an update regarding the post I did yesterday. As the night went on my neck just got worse. There was even a point where I was doing nothing but laying down on the couch and I cried from the pain. That's when Master said that we might need to go to the emergency room. He knows I have a high pain tolerance, so when something like that (meaning pain He isn't causing directly.. lol) makes me cry He knows it's really bad.

I told Him I wanted to try to wait it out. I didn't have enough to pay the copay for an emergency room visit. My other copays for like an office visit or medication are extremely affordable. But for an emergency room visit it's $100.00 and we didn't have that right now.

But eventually I broke down and called the hospital. I explained the situation and they said that I have the option to pay it up front, otherwise they will just bill it to me. So I looked at Master, told Him this, and said that I think we should go in.

We left around 10pm and getting checked in didn't take long. They took my blood pressure and my temp like they always do. Then they asked for my medication allergies and what medications I'm on. Then, as always, they asked me if I feel threatened by anyone in my home or if I'm being abused in any way. I of course said no. But I find it irritating that I even get asked that question. I realize that these days they always ask that question when a female gets checked in. At least around here, but I figure if that's happening hopefully the woman in question would tell a doctor and/or nurse about that. But I know a lot of woman can't or won't.

So then I wait for a room. About 10 minutes later I get put in a room and lay down on the hospital bed. That's when the actual waiting started. About 15 minutes after that a nurse came in and made sure my information was up to date and get my insurance information. After that it felt like forever. My neck was throbbing and when I'm pain like that my eyes get extremely light sensitive. And it's bright in hospitals. So I laid there with my eyes closed until the doctor came in. She was really nice, and very attentive. I wish I could have her as a primary care physician. That's how much I liked her. Master was even pleased with how she handled me. And He is very protective of me normally, multiply that times 10 when I'm sick or in a lot of pain. It was the first time that when it came time to tell the doctor what medical conditions I have that I had to say I'm bi-polar. But she didn't even blink. She just wrote it down and smiled at me.

After she was done with her examination she decided not to give me a shot like most doctors used to give me. Nope. She gave me three pills and three prescriptions for the next week. She also wrote me a note to take to work asking them to excuse me from work today (Monday). She told me that I needed to at least give my neck one more day to try and mend itself a bit rather than just masking it with medication, and that sitting at a computer for 8+ hours in a day was not going to help.

We got home around 1am and the medication had me really loopy. So Master had me go to bed.

This morning I got up when the alarm went off. I called my supervisor at work and explained that I had to go to the emergency room last night and that the doctor had given me a note for work and that I could explain it a lot better to him in person tomorrow. He said it was okay and to try to feel better. He's a great supervisor.

I know I'll probably have to make up the hours at work though. So I have a feeling I'm going to be working on Saturday, but there wasn't much to be done about it. After that I went to Walgreens and filled my prescriptions. One was for pain, the other for a muscle relaxer, and the last one for nausea since the pain makes me nauseous and the pills can as well.

But I just want to end this post saying how great my Husband is. He absolutely hates hospitals. He loathes them so much that He gets tense just being in one. But He came with me to make sure I was properly taken care of and because He was worried about me. He loves me a lot. I am grateful for how supportive He is.

My Neck Hates Me

Seriously it does. The pain started yesterday. I have no idea why it happened, but the pain ran along my shoulder blade up into my neck. I couldn't turn my head all the way to the left without a jolt of pain shooting through me. Master worked on my shoulders and neck and had me rest most of the day.

Today I woke up and it felt a bit better. That is until I went out to run errands. Since my neck was feeling better I didn't see it as a big deal. Plus all of the errands were close to home. I had to go to the gas station, stop off at the grocery store, and drop of my prescription. That's it. None of these things took very long at all. And yet when I got home both sides of my neck were throbbing and the pain was shooting into the back of my head.

I have apparently done something to injure my neck. Master thinks I just slept while having my head/neck at an awkward angle and had it that way too long. Honestly that's the only thing that makes sense.

So Master has been having me take it easy all day. He worked on my neck for me, told me to take a long hot bath, and just try and relax as much as possible. He even put on that pain relieving topical cream that heats up after you put it on. And He hates that stuff. Not because it helps me (duh) but because it has a strong peppermint smell to it. But He thought it would help, and so He didn't even complain about the smell. Not once.

He's been asking me if I'm okay through out the day. Honestly at one point I was seriously considering going to the emergency room (cause of course I thought of this after the walk-ins were closed and I don't have a primary doctor) to get a muscle relaxer shot. I've had those in the past and they suck. Depending on the doctor I get they either give me the shot in the hip or directly into the neck. Yeah. Not pleasant.

But I didn't want to go because it's a $100 copay that we can't really afford right now. And I'm honestly not sure if they take the copay up front or if they bill it to you later. As I've said before this is the first time in my adult life that I've had health insurance.

It still hurts. It's not a "For the love of all that's kinky just knock me out so I don't feel this anymore!" type of pain. But it's really noticeable.

I'm worried about tomorrow. I have to go to work tomorrow and sit at a computer for 8+ hours. That's not going to help my neck at all. I would call in but my vacation/personal time doesn't renew until March. I only have about 20 minutes of personal time left. Now where as I could still call in, I'd then have to make the hours up at some point this week.

Master said maybe I should just do that anyway, and at least give my neck one more day to mend itself. But I want to at least try to go to work. That way I can say that I tried, and if I have to leave early to go to a doctor I can ask Master to come pick me up and will be able to explain it to my supervisor a bit better rather than him thinking I called in on a Monday cause I was hungover or something and just made up some kind of story.

Yes, I worry a lot about my job. I need my job, and it's the best one I've ever had. So I worry.

I told Master of this plan and He said that was fine as long as I didn't push myself too far. And He gave me one of those looks of, "And I mean it. No fucking around."

So I will go to work tomorrow and then if I have to leave I will call Master and talk to my supervisor and find a walk-in clinic to go to.

Waiting Game

Last night I had asked Master around 11:30pm if I could take a nap. He said okay and that He would wake me around 1am so we continue enjoying the night. Apparently He attempted to wake me at 1am and couldn't. So instead He allowed me to continue sleeping.

I woke up before Him this morning. About a half hour after I woke up I tried to nuzzle Him awake but it didn't work. So I went back into the living room. Another half hour passed by and I tried again. This time He woke up. He went into the bathroom and then went back into the bedroom. I was like, "Okay then.." but then He called me back there as well. When I got into the bedroom He was laying on His back, comfortable under the covers. He lifted on side of the comforter and I slid in next to Him. He tucked us both in and we cuddled for a little while. He kissed the top of my head and then took my hand and put it on His already hard cock. I stroked Him for a while before He sat up, flipped me onto my stomach, and fucked me. He didn't allow me to cum, but it was amazing.

Afterward we relaxed in the living room and woke up a bit more. I made Him coffee and then He took His shower.

I called the tattoo/piercing parlor I normally go to and asked how much a nostril piercing cost. After finding that out I figured out we could afford it. So I talked to Master about it and He huffed and said, "Can't we have a weekend without running around?"

I was trying not to mope. He said He would take me next weekend. But I have to admit I felt disappointed. Like I said I'm not trying to mope or anything but I figure this is a good place to just write it out and get the fuck over having to wait one whole week. I know, it's not a long time. That was me being sarcastic about the whole "whole week" thing.

But I was disappointed because it seems whenever I want to get anything body modification related done I have to wait. It's a constant waiting game. When I got my nipples and VCH done we had to wait for finances. I originally had the idea on May 7th, 2009 and it was done on May 16th, 2009.

When I got my last tattoo, I had waited over a year in order to get it due to finances and finding a good tattoo parlor that was closer to home. Who knows how long it'll be before we can afford my next one.

When I wanted the new jewelery for my nipple piercings we had to put it off due to finances. The original idea was had on December 27th, 2010 and it happened on January 7th, 2011.

Granted with the piercings it's normally a week or just over. But it still sucks. I'm a very impulsive person sometimes. And once I grab onto an idea that I truly am excited about I hold onto it for dear life. I don't get excited about much for myself. So when I do, and it has to be delayed I get disappointed rather easily.

I know part of the reason why Master doesn't want to go this weekend is because He hates the part of town the piercing parlor is at. It's not a bad part of town or anything, it's just a pain in the ass to drive in. I know this. And honestly I pointed out to Him that it wasn't going to change by next weekend and He still wouldn't want to go next weekend. He said He knew that but then I could "hold Him" to His promise.

Yeah. Holding Him to a promise when He isn't in the mood to do something is not a joyous thing. He gets grumpy, just like anyone else who "has" to do something they don't really feel like doing right then and there.

But.. *shrugs* I guess it'll happen when it happens.

Long Friday

Today was a good Friday, but a long one. Thankfully it was my half day at work. And it was also the day of my appointment with my shrink. More on that a little later.

I got out of work and got home a little later than usual for some reason. When I got home Master didn't look that well. He was originally going to do the running around with me. But I knew He wasn't feeling the greatest. I asked Him what was wrong. His sinuses were kicking His ass in a very major way. So He stayed home. Poor Daddy.

But before I went off to my appointment I ran to get Him a sandwich. I figured the bread would help His stomach calm down. So I dropped the sandwich off at home, said goodbye to Master, and then headed to my shrink appointment.

The appointment started a little late, but it went well. He asked me some questions about how I'm doing, if I've been cycling, if I've felt depressed or felt suicidal. And then after I answered all those questions he asked me how my marriage was doing. It may seem like an odd question for him to ask since I'm not in marriage counseling. But I had told him that the number one reason why I sought help was because it was affecting my marriage in a very big, negative way. So I told him that we're doing much better and have been feeling and acting much like we did when we were first married. He smiled and said that he was glad to hear it. He wrote me a prescription for more refills on my medication. He then said that he felt I was doing well and that I could wait until April to see him again. Although he said that if I felt I needed to see him earlier that it wouldn't be a problem at all. Just call his office and they will schedule me an emergency visit. I'm not worried about it honestly, but it's nice to know that I can do that if I need to.

After my appointment was done I headed straight down to my mother's. I visited with her for a while. She's looking kind of frail right now. My mom is more petite than I am and has a serious problem keeping weight on. She worries me sometimes. But she swears she's okay and that she had just had a visit with her doctor.

After I visited with my mom I had to make a few more stops before coming home to my Hubby.

Since then we've been relaxing together. He was kind enough to work on my lower back for me. It was feeling stiff and it feels much better now. Although for some odd reason my right hip is really bothering me tonight.

But now onto a totally different topic. We can't afford that tattoo I desperately want right now, and so my mind has been wandering. I kind of want more piercings. But the main ones I want I can't have due to my job as they are facial piercings. But they do allow nostril piercings as long as it is a stud. So I could get that, put the stud in, and then once it heals buy other ones to wear when I'm not at work.

So I'm going to do some research on that tonight and see if I can financially pull it off this weekend.

Giggle Fits

A lot of people say that laughter is the best medicine. Now where as that probably isn't true if you broke your leg. You wouldn't say, "I don't need a doctor or a cast.. someone get me a comedian!" And even if you did people would just assume that you were delirious from the pain. Which would probably be true.

As you might notice I'm in a very silly mood. I have been most of the day. But said mood was taken up a notch when I got home because I can relax more, and be myself without having to worry about if I'm offending anyone. I have an odd and sometimes morbid sense of humor. And a lot of people don't like and/or appreciate that kind of humor. Master has been with me so long that I don't even think He bats an eyelash when I get into that frame of mind.

But we are always trying to make each other laugh. It's great. I love it.Especially since we have similar senses of humor (most of the time).

So since I've been home, had dinner, and started to unwind from the busy day at work, I started having these damn giggle fits. Right now it doesn't take much to set me off into a giggle fit. I saw a funny picture online and I showed it to Master. He laughed for a little while but I was giggling my fool head off. That actually made Him laugh more. This of course made me laugh more, and it turned into a vicious cycle.

Thankfully I haven't gone into one of those giggle fits where I can't stop laughing and my ribs end up hurting. Those suck.

Master said He would think about letting me stay up late tonight. Tomorrow I only have a half day at work, so normally He lets me stay up a bit the night before.

And now I'm off to go giggle some more with my Hubby. I promise some time this weekend I'll do a longer post.

Book Worm

For a long time I didn't really feel like reading very much. I'd read other blogs and that was about it. And even then it wasn't an every day thing. Part of the reason why I stopped reading so much (as in books) is because I either had read every book in the apartment at least five times, or I just wasn't really all that interested in the other ones.

But not that long ago Master and I went to a discount book store. He had picked up another book for His Brian Lumley collection, and had also found a book that He had enjoyed, that He thought I might like.

It's called "On A Pale Horse" by Piers Anthony. I was a huge fan of the Sandman comic book/graphic novel series (which Master introduced me too as well). He said this book series is very similar to the Sandman series. So at first I was like, "Okay. A book. Sure."

And then one day I finally picked it up. It took a little while for me to get into, but suddenly I started really getting interested in it. And now every night I read it. I love this book, and I look forward to reading the rest of the series. If I remember correctly Master said there are 9 books total in the series. So yay!

Plus I'm really glad that my reading bug has bitten me once more. I love to read. I even like to write, but I haven't had any ideas lately. Maybe one day. And then I'll become a famous author. *nods*

Surprised Myself

All day yesterday I had been horny. Like like "Oh my Gods fuck me now!" kind of horny, but just that nice constant reminder that goes through your entire body that lets you know you need a thick cock inside you at some point that day.

I had of course informed Master of this several times through out the day while I was at work. I had also asked Him for an assignment. I was thinking something along the lines of a written assignment. But that's not what He wanted. I've taken "naughty" pictures of myself while at work with my cell phone. In the bathroom, behind a closed stall door when the bathroom is empty of course.

They have always been of my tits, or my pussy, or me fingering my pussy. So He decided that what He wanted me to do was to take pictures of myself with my cell phone fingering my ass. This was not easy to accomplish, let me tell you. I was so afraid of dropping my damn phone. There were several screw ups because I can't see the angle I have the camera at. So I just kind of click, bring the cell phone back in front of me, and then look to see if it's a good picture or not. Rinse and repeat. But finally I got about 6 or 7 pictures all told of me fingering my ass. He was pleased.

When I got home we ate dinner and relaxed. He had me dress up for Him. We relaxed some more after my bath and then shortly after my usual bedtime Master ordered me to the bedroom.

We started off by playing with one another. His hand stroking the outer lips of my pussy, me stroking His cock. It was nice, slow, and intimate. I had my forehead resting under His chin and He would nuzzle me every now and again.

Then He asked me if I wanted to be on my back or on all fours. Surprisingly I chose a third option. I wanted to be on my stomach, but with two pillows under my hips so that my ass would be lifted into the air. He seemed pleased by this and started to gather the pillows together, when suddenly I surprised both of us and asked if I could be used for His pleasure. This means no orgasms for me. I understand why He was surprised by this. I haven't been asking for that a lot, at least not until after I've had an orgasm or four. As to why it surprised me... I was surprised because I had been horny all day and I wanted an orgasm. But apparently I wanted to be used more, and just please Him rather than focus on my own needs/wants. Other wise why would I have blurted that out?

But He granted my request, and used me. In fact He told me that I'm a great masturbation tool. Sometimes when He uses me while we're fucking He basically just kneels up on the bed, grabs me by the hips and moves me rather than Him moving. It's as if He's jerking off but using me instead of His hands or a toy. Well, then again I am the toy. The animated fuck toy. Animated until He orders me not to move anyway. Then I guess I'm just a fuck toy.

Spoiled Whore

I just wanted to comment on how much Master has been spoiling me lately since we've had some extra income coming in thanks to His freelance job.

There is the normal stuff He really enjoys doing, like going out to dinner together. But He's taken me to the porn store to get new lingerie and allowed me to pick out the porno we got. Actually, He's done that twice now in the past few weeks. Yes the lingerie is for His enjoyment as well, obviously, but it's still really nice of Him.

He's taken me out to normal stores and allowed me to get a new skirt and some more stockings. He was going to purchase me a pair of heels as well but the store didn't have the ones I wanted in stock.

He bought us a bottle of Bailey's last night. Well before we cracked open the bottle I went and took my bath. My shoulders and lower back were bothering me. So I soaked for a while and read a book. It's really relaxing to do that. Well there I am, soaking in my nice hot bath and reading a rather interesting book when Master comes in. My first thought was that He had to take a piss. But He walked over to the tub, the rocks glass in His hand with some Bailey's in it. He handed it to me and allowed me to take a few sips of it before taking the glass back and smiling at me. He then went back into the living room and I just smiled to myself while continuing to read the book.

He not only worked on my shoulders last night (and using lotion to do so, which He hates doing) but when we went to bed before we started fucking, I laid down and stretched a bit. He asked if my lower back was still bothering me and I admitted that it was. So He told me to roll onto my stomach. I did, and then He worked on that for me as well. As soon as He was done rubbing my back He fucked me, and allowed me to have several very intense orgasms before using me as His fuck toy.

I'm not a high maintenance girl. Master will tell You that, without a hint of sarcasm in His voice. But it makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside when He wants to spoil me. I normally do not ask for things. Sometimes I do but that's only once and a great while and normally not anything expensive. But then there are times where He knows our finances are freed up a bit and He wants to spoil the hell out of me for a little while.

It's extremely sweet of Him. I'm not trying to ruin His "bad ass" reputation or anything. Trust me, He isn't like this to the rest of the population.. *giggles* Just me.

Better Day

Today was better than yesterday. Like I said in my last post, yesterday didn't suck but it was frustrating for a while.

But anyway, enough about yesterday. Today was more go with the flow type stuff. There were things we had to get done, but it was at our leisure. We were both more relaxed and just had a good time. At first we just relaxed at home and then finally got motivated enough to leave the apartment.

We went to the pet store. We looked for a new toy for Radar, but they didn't have any that we didn't think he would destroy within five minutes. But we got the pup's dog food and some timothy hay for the bunnies. We then went to another store, got some things we needed there. On a whim we decided to stop off at the grocery store and pick up a bottle of Bailey's. Last time we got the caramel flavored one, this time we got the coffee flavored one. It sounds really good.

Once we got home we took care of the animals and have been relaxing the rest of the day. We played a few video games together and did some smack talk, which is always a good time.We watched a couple of movies and some episodes of Saturday Night Live. Tonight Master wants me to dress up for Him. I asked for permission to stay up later than usual on a Sunday night. He said we would see.

I'm not looking forward to the weekend ending. It went by rather quickly. Although I do have to say that recently not a lot has been coming to mind as far as blog post material goes. It's not that I don't have anything to write about, but just that I'm not really sure what to write about, or how to write about it, or I just don't feel like rambling. Which is what I'm doing right now. Hopefully tomorrow I can break through this stint of writer's block.

Bumming

Master and I slept in later than we had intended to. But since it's also the first weekend in about a month where we didn't have to set an alarm clock, it's understandable.

While we were sitting in the living room drinking our coffee, and trying to wake up, I asked if we could go bumming around. We had to go to the pet store anyway, so I figured why not have a day of just Him and I hitting a few stores, do some shopping, etc. At first He seemed fine with it. I mean He said how much driving would be involved, but He didn't really seem affected by that one way or the other. Normally I'm not the type to just want to go bumming around. Normally I'm the type to get what we need and get the fuck out. But today I felt like bumming.

Master, not so much. We still went, but He seemed irritated the whole time. The lines, the driving, the crowds. Etc. He didn't bitch or complain or anything but I could tell He wasn't pleased. He found a book He wanted though, and we got the dog what he needed. We hit another store where I had seen a pair of boots that I wanted a week ago. But when we got there they didn't have them. Of course. I swear sometimes it seems like the minute I decide I actually want something that is sold in a normal store (as in not a porn store or a tattoo parlor) which I almost never do, they don't have what I want, or if they do they don't have it in the size I need.

Yes I got that skirt not that long ago but I wasn't there looking for a skirt. We just stumbled across it. Today I was on a mission to buy a really sexy pair of boots at a particular store, and of course it wasn't in stock anymore. Hell they didn't even have the display pair anymore. And it had only been a week. So yes, that irritated the shit out of me. And it was also irritating me that I had set out for the day to just have a relaxed bumming around kind of day with my Hubby and He wasn't in the mood for it. Although it didn't seem like that when we first left the house.

I understand that sometimes our moods just don't match up. I get that. But I wish I would have known before we left because I would have just forgotten about it and just hit the stores we had to and came home. It's frustrating going out to bum with someone who doesn't want to be there at all.

Apparently I'm still irritated about it, although I'm not trying to be. Today didn't suck or anything. I'm bummed about the boots, but it was just the fact that I had a certain idea of how today would be, and it didn't turn out that way at all. So I think at this point my best course of action is to just try to vent a little bit on here, take a few deep breathes, and just try to relax and enjoy the rest of the evening.

Longing

I had e-mailed the tattoo artist I talked to the tattoo "flash" that I wanted a couple of days ago. But I hadn't received a reply yet. I know that I'm not the center of the universe, but I was anxious. So today I called the tattoo artist again. I explained who I was and asked if he had received my e-mail or not. He said that he had, and apologized for not getting back to me sooner. He then pulled up the e-mail I had sent him and took a look at the image. He asked me again about where I wanted it placed. I also mentioned that my forearm is rather slender.

So he looked it over a minute and then said that the ballpark price is $100 to $150 dollars depending on how large it turns out to be when we actually put it on my forearm. I thanked him and told him I'd be in touch. I was honestly expecting it to be more expensive. Not because it's intricate, because it's not, but because of the placement and the very fact that it's a wrap. Any kind of wrap tattoo seems to be more expensive, no matter the placement.

So when I heard the ball park price I got very excited. That's more affordable than I thought. Master and I are getting our finances on track. His freelance job helps a lot.

So I told Master about it and He said that was a good price, etc. And of course, because I'm an ink addict, I couldn't stop talking about it or thinking about it. Still can't, obviously, since I'm doing a blog post about it.

Hell when I got home from work Master and I talked about which part of my forearm it should be placed. I think it'll look best at the thickest part of my forearm which is right below my elbow. Master had thought I would get it more in the middle, but agreed that it would look nice where I had pointed. But He did say that ultimately the final positioning of the tattoo would be discussed with the tattoo artist when we see how it would look.

Oh how I wish I didn't have to set away half of my next paycheck for rent. I would get that tattoo done tomorrow if I had the money. I am so excited about this, not only because it's new ink, but because of what it is, and what it represents to both Master and myself.

Thankfully

Today while I was at work Master got sick of waiting around to get paid for the freelance work He did last weekend. So He got a hold of BC's girlfriend who works at the place that He freelances through, and told her that He would just stop by and pick it up. Apparently they hadn't even cut His check yet. They weren't planning on paying Him until next week. Well fuck that. So Master went down there, picked up His check, and put it in the bank.

One thing we were both a little worried about Him going down there because they might just hand Him more work for this weekend, and we are hoping for a relaxing weekend. Thankfully it worked out. He got paid, and didn't come back with more work. So it looks like we're going to have a nice relaxing weekend.

Master is being kind tonight and allowing me to stay up tonight so I can relax with Him and have more time with Him. I don't know how late I'll be able to stay up though. Suddenly I'm pretty tired. But I already did my nightly exercises, so those are out of the way. Now I just have to get up the energy to take a bath. After that I get to relax a while longer and then take the dog out.

But I'm really looking forward to the weekend. I just have to get through tomorrow and then a nice relaxing weekend with no alarm clocks! Yay for no alarm clocks! It's been quite a while since we've been able to have a weekend with no alarm clocks.

I don't have a lot to say tonight though. So rather than ramble on and try to think of something, I think I'll cut it here.

Today Sucked

Today sucked. The reason why it sucked is all work related. And I'm trying really hard not to post about work. So I will simply say that today sucked, and when I got out of work I was in a bad mood. Not seriously pissed off, but just in a bad mood.

And it stuck with me for most of the evening. I got home, and had to run back out to grab us something to eat and get myself cigarettes. I came back, ate, told Master why my day sucked, and then tried to calm down. It wasn't really working all that great. It wasn't like before my medication when I would just go off into a whole different world of pissed off. Nothing like that. Just crabby cause my day had gone badly.

So after dinner, and after I had checked a few things on the computer, I took my bath. I stayed in the bath a little longer than usual just trying to calm down and relax. I didn't want to ruin our entire evening so I was seriously making an effort to get out of my bad day funk. And it worked. I'm in a much better mood now. Amazing how a hot bath can help with that. After I got out of the bath I took my meds and am now getting my blog post done.

I had called the tattoo parlor though and asked if I could e-mail them a picture of the tattoo I want. The guy I talked to said that wouldn't be a problem and that if I could tell him where I wanted it done, he could probably give me a ball park figure so I wouldn't have to go into the tattoo parlor just to get a ball park price on it so I can start saving up.

So I have e-mailed the picture to the tattoo artist, and he said I should probably hear something from him sometime tomorrow. I have a feeling that it's going to be a decently priced tattoo. Nothing too expensive as there isn't a lot of detail work to it.

Two more days until the weekend. And I'm hoping it's a relaxing weekend with a whole lot of not much going on. Master and I have been running around a lot lately because of His freelance job, and it would be nice to have a weekend with more downtime than not. I know He feels the same way. The money is always a good thing, but still.. a weekend with down time would be a very nice thing.

More Ink Talk

Yeah, y'all might get sick of hearing about this. But this is my blog so I get to write more about tattoos! :-D

So as I stated in my last post, I had messed around in the paint program and had designed the tattoo with Master's initials. And He loved it. But a little later on in the evening (obviously after my blog post) Master's brain starting rolling around the idea of changing it a bit. Not very much. It was just moving the pieces that were already there. He had said that if I got it on the middle of my back or on my rib cage no one would ever see it. Now while that can make a tattoo all the more personal, it would honestly sadden me to never have anyone besides Master (and people who get to see my pictures where I'm naked.. obviously). So He mentioned how it would be really nice to get it on my arm. Now the only problem with that is that both of my upper arms are filled up. But then Master said that if I got it as a forearm wrap it would look really cool, and also be like a permanent cuff with His initials on it. That right there sold me on the idea. I never really thought about forearm tattoos, but that would be really nice. And whenever I wanted to I could look at it without needing a mirror.

So I saved the new design and we're going from there.

Now the thing is that I need to get it priced out so I know how much to save up. The problem with that is two things. One, we don't have a printer. So I would have to call up the tattoo parlor, ask if I can e-mail them the image, and then go down there. The second problem is that when I go down there to price it out I won't be able to leave with it on my body. I'd just be going down there for a pricing. Which sucks. But it'll be worth it in the end.

Another problem is that now that we have that figured out I want it now. I don't want to wait! In fact what I'd love to do is get it done around our anniversary in March. But I don't think we'll have the money for it then. Who knows, I could be wrong, but still... This is the problem with me figuring out new ink that I want but can't afford right away. I obsess over it until it's done and then I marvel over it for a long time once it is on my body. Although the marveling isn't a bad thing, the obsessing is.

But first I have to call the tattoo parlor and see if they'd be willing to go through all that trouble just for me to get a ballpark pricing done on it without getting the tattoo right away. I don't think they'll have a problem with it. (We've done it before, but that was a different tattoo parlor.)

I'm going to call the tattoo parlor tomorrow and see what can be done about getting it priced out. (Yes, I have them programmed into my cell phone. So what? I'm not an addict. Honest.)

Twist Me

Most people would argue that I was pretty fucking twisted when I first met Master, even though I was "only" 20 years old at the time. But I swear He has made me even more twisted. (Although Master says that's not the case at all...) I insist that He has twisted, pulled, molded, and torn at me until I'm just where He wants me to be. And the sickest thing about it? I love it.

So as I said in the Marked post Master gave me permission to get His initials tattooed on me. The only thing that He was concerned about is how it would look. So last night I looked online and started looking at different designs. I can not draw. I mean I can doodle, but when it comes to serious artistic ability, I have none. And I wanted it to be personal. I didn't want just some piece of flash with whatever kind of font in it. So while I was looking around online I saw pieces that I thought may look good together.

I saved a bunch of tribal flash and only one font set, since I knew exactly what font I wanted. But with the tribal I couldn't be sure what would look best. Most of them looked like they were designed for arm wraps or lower back tattoos, but I figure I could manipulate them later. So I saved, and saved, and saved some more.

Eventually Master told me that I had to get off of the computer, so I stopped looking around and relaxed with Him.

Today I have been just incredibly happy. I couldn't stop smiling. I just kept thinking to myself how great of a Husband I have, how great our sex life is, how much I love Him, etc. It helped that I got fucked really, really good last night. ;-)

So tonight when I got home Master and I relaxed for a while after dinner. I have been doing more physical things to show my submission. And Master has been loving it, and reacting in such a way that shows me He wants me to keep doing such. I've been kneeling a lot, nuzzling Him, and just being very docile in my actions. Today while I was kneeling Master gently pushed against my knee with the front of His boot. I immediately knew what He wanted. I opened my knees wide and knelt up straight. He smiled and ran His hand gently across my face before raking His nails under my chin. *shivers* I had forgotten that the more I show my submission in small, physical ways in addition to the emotional and verbal, He reacts in a way that makes me want to act that way more, which just leads into this wonderful cycle.

Tonight I took the time to work on the tattoo with Master's initials that I want. I opened our paint-like program and played around. The initials were pretty easy, since I already knew how I wanted those to look. But then came what I wanted them to be surrounded by. So I opened different pieces of flash that I had saved last night and dicked around with it. That is until I finally found the right one! It took some time but I got it just right and showed Master. He loved it! So now it's saved on our computer and is waiting for us to save up the money so that it can be put on my flesh. I just have to decide if I want it on my ribs, or in the center of my back, right along my spine. Right now I'm leaning more towards the center of my back.

When I was done taking my bath Master had me dress up for Him. He's spoiled me lately, since He had some spare money. He got me my new nipple jewelry, which you already knew. But He also took me shopping yesterday and got me a black mini skirt and two pairs of knee highs that look slutty as hell.

So tonight He had me put on the knee highs, the skirt, a pair of heels, and a mesh top. That's it. He then took pictures and we had a great time. Once the pictures were done He had me take the skirt off. Why? Because it's one of the few short skirts that I can actually wear outside (with a thong anyway) and so He didn't want to get it messed up tonight since it's brand new. But the knee highs, heels, and mesh top have stayed.

Quickie

I have a blog post brewing in my head right now. Unfortunately it'll have to wait until I get home from work. I wish I had the time to do it now, but I don't. So hopefully it'll keep in my head until tonight. If anything it'll give me more time to think on it and get more ideas on what all to put in the post.

Marked

Since Master and I have gotten serious about one another, He's been marking me in different ways. First was a collar. Then scars. Then eventually tattoos. Several in fact. Then came the eternity collar. After that came the wedding ring. Next was the eternity cuff. And then you toss in another tattoo. Then comes the piercings (three in fact). And then I guess you could say new body jewelry for two of my piercings. Which in fact He discovered that He prefers the horseshoe body jewelry over the straight barbell, at least for my nipple piercings. He likes my curved barbell just fine for my VCH.

But now I want something.... more. I'm sure someone is currently looking at this post going, "What the fuck do you mean more?! What else is there?!"

So let me give a little background here.

Master and I talk about tattoos quite a bit. Especially since we both greatly enjoy getting them and want more. And if you had caught us on that particular conversation say... four years ago... we would have both said how we don't understand/don't want tattoos with your significant other's name in it.

But for the past year the idea of getting a tattoo that revolves around Master's name has been rolling around in my mind. I hadn't brought it up to Him because I didn't know if His thoughts on the matter had changed. So I figured it was best to just let it be.

But last night we were having a few drinks at home, I was all slutted up in lingerie and heels, and we were just sitting around talking before eventually getting ourselves into the bedroom. So the drinks had loosened my lips quite a bit. And we were talking about all kinds of things, and eventually got onto the subject of how much more obedient I have been since being on my medication. How I'm not wishy-washy about my slavery. How I am rock solid in knowing this is what I want, and what I need. How much the structure is helping me. And how He has felt more solid in His role within our marriage as result.

And so I finally got up the courage to bring this up. Although it was with quite a few disclaimers. I told Him that if He didn't like the idea at all, to please just say that up front.. etc and so on. Basically covering all of my bases to the point where Master was like, "Would you just tell me already?"

So I took a deep breath and I told Him that I want a tattoo that some how revolves around His name. And His expression didn't change much. And He didn't respond right away. So I continued talking...

I said, "I know You don't really like Your full first name." (Cause He doesn't.) "And I don't want to get the shortened version of Your first name." (Because I think it would just look weird cause it'd be so short..) "So I was actually thinking about getting Your initials as part of a tribal piece." And that is the exact moment that I saw the flash of absolute alpha male shining through His eyes. And His jaw set a certain way. The way it sets when He's about to pin me to the bed.

And that's also when I knew that He really wanted me to do it. He wanted to see that kind of permanent mark that could be mistaken by no one. It would not just be a form of symbolism or something no one else knows the meaning of besides us. It would be easily explainable. And not only a show of my love and devotion to Him, but a mark of His ownership of me.

I know that not everyone agrees with such things. We use to be like that. But since we've been together so long, and we've gone through hell and back more than a few times together, I believe it is something we would both greatly enjoy and not something I would ever regret doing.

It is going to take a while to save up, but I'm hoping to get it done before the beginning of fall this year. I would like to have it done by the end of summer so that I can wear loose fitting skirts while it heals and not worry about jeans. Master has decided that He would like it to be on the outside of my right thigh. He thinks it would look best there. I was originally thinking of getting it done on my ribs, but because of the design I want it wouldn't look right there. And I have to agree it would look hot as hell on my right outer thigh.

Random Saturday

Today has been a pretty random day. Last night around 3am I started nodding off on the couch. I had been up for almost 24 hours and finally my body decided I had stayed up long enough. Because I had been awake so long I was starting not to feel all that well. So Master had me go to bed. Shortly there after Master came to bed as well, but decided to let me sleep so He just cuddled up with me and we slept.

This morning I woke up to the sound of Master in the shower. So I got up, said good morning, and He told me to go ahead and have a cigarette so I could wake up a bit. Once my cigarette was done I knelt outside the bathroom door while He finished His shower. When He was done we relaxed in the living room for a while, but then had to get some more errands done today. We had quite a bit of driving around to do while doing said errands and we joked around a lot. We were picking on each other a lot, and we both laughed and smiled quite a bit. It was rather relaxing even though we were doing some of the most mundane shit. But hey, that just means even with the boring stuff we attempt to make things interesting and keep each other entertained.

After our errands were done we stopped at the porn store and Master and I picked up another porno and some lingerie for me. It's not the typical lingerie. They kind of look like leg warmers. Like thigh-high leg warmers. We were looking for stockings, and came across those. Master said that if I wore them with heels it might look really hot. They weren't expensive at all, so we decided to give it a shot.

We finally got home about mid afternoon and relaxed. After dinner I was getting tired because I had taken a benadryl and that stuff makes me extremely tired. So Master allowed me to take a nap. He just woke me up about a half hour ago. It's a little after 9pm, but at least that means I should be able to stay awake longer tonight. Which means a fun night of dressing up for Master and watching the new porno we got. Should be fun. :-D

New Shiny Things!

Not that long ago Master had asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I had got Him a video game He really wanted, so He wanted to make sure to get me something I really wanted as well. I'll be the first to admit I'm hard to shop for. Not because I'm ultra picky or anything, but just because I really don't want a lot. I'm more the type to say, "But we could get You..." or "How about we go out to dinner or go to a movie instead?" You know, basically anything that doesn't involve me having to pin point something that is just for me.

But I had a great idea. I wanted new body jewelry! Just for my nipple piercings though. I didn't really want any new jewelry for my VCH (vertical clit hood) piercing just yet. I really like the curved barbell for that. I had straight barbells in my nipple piercings. But I wanted something a little different. So I looked around online (even though I wasn't going to buy online.. I just looked to get an idea of what I wanted) and finally decided that I wanted the horseshoe/circular jewelry. Whichever you want to call it.

I also knew that I wanted to get the jewelry at the place I originally got them pierced at. I like the shop, and they use implant grade jewelry which is a great thing since I have a nickel allergy. At first we had to put this whole idea on the back burner because we were tight on funds. But this week Master got paid from His freelance job and He promised me we would get them today.

So after I got out of work we had a couple of other errands to run. So we did that first and then went out to the tattoo/piercing parlor that I love so much. We had a hard time finding a parking spot so Master dropped me off at the door and then just circled. I went in and amazingly the woman who had originally done the piercings was there. The odd thing was she remembered me for some reason. Never mind I got these over a year ago. I told her what I wanted but admitted that I honestly did not remember what gauge I wear. So she had me go into the piercing room and show her my nipple. Apparently I wear a 14 gauge.

So she showed me what she had and asked if I wanted the smaller balls or the bigger ones. I couldn't help but giggle at that. Of course I wanted the ones with the bigger balls. ;-)

So she rings me up and before I know it I'm walking out of there with new jewelry! I hadn't put them in there, obviously. I had them safely tucked away in my purse in the little plastic slip case that they were in.

Master and I went out to dinner after that and while we were waiting for our food to arrive I was giddy about my new jewelry and asked Him if He wanted to see. So He kind of chuckled at my being so excited over it and said yes. I pulled them out of my purse and showed Him. He said they weren't as big as He thought they would be, but He liked them. (Keep in mind these are 14 gauge. So yeah, not very big.)

So we get home after one more errand after dinner and watched a movie. After that I got a clean piece of tupperware put warm water in it and antibacterial soap. I then put the new jewelry in there to soak for a little while. After a while of that I sat on the couch, got my clean jewelry and put paper towels on my lap. I took out my right straight barbell and placed it on the paper towel. Then I got the circular barbell and put it in. I was kind of surprised that Master watched me do this. Why? Because some people find it gross, or just fucked up looking when you shove a piece of metal through your flesh and feel no pain what so ever. I'm not saying He is squimish, but I didn't really know because He's never seen me put in jewelry before.

So once the right one was done I started taking out my left one. Master immediately started commenting how much He loves the new jewelry and I only had one it so far. *giggles* So I got the left one done, put the "old" jewelry away and looked at my new jewelry. I absolutely love them! I love the straight barbells as well but there is just something about the circular barbells that I really, really like.

So I've been walking around tonight with my new jewelry in smiling and very happy. Master keeps commenting how much they catch the light and He loves the fact that they are more visible besides a shiny "dot" on each side of my nipple. So I think He is very pleased. He's already talking about getting me more body jewelry, which will be awesome! So I'm sure I'll be looking online for more ideas of what I may want, or He may want me to get and go from there until the next time I want to change them out of He orders me to. That's another aspect of it I love.. if He wants to see something different on me as far as my jewelry goes, He can just order me to change them out. Yay! More orders! :-D

That's one thing I like about jewelry, it's a form of body modification that you can alter in a way. It keeps your options open. So I'm very happy with my (belated) Christmas present. It was more than worth the wait. Thank You very, very much my Master!

Bruised

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom. I asked to be used, and He was more than willing to grant my request. He grabbed my ankles and flipped me over onto my stomach. He entered me rather quickly and roughly. After a little while I asked Him if it would be easier on His knee if I was propped up on pillows. (Yes, His knee is still bothering Him a bit.. although not as often.)

He didn't bother to answer me. He just pulled out, grabbed two pillows, forced me onto all fours, shoved the pillows under me, and slammed me back down. With the pillows my ass was propped up into the air which caused Him to go even deeper once He slipped back inside me.

It was overwhelming to be perfectly honest. He was not being gentle at all, and every movement of His hips sent a shock wave through my body. I couldn't help but be loud, even though I was not allowed to cum. It was one of those things where I either made a lot of noise (moaning, whimpering, gasping, etc.) or have a sensory overload due to no form of release.

When He filled me with His cum I was cramping a bit. He had gone very deep, and very hard. My vaginal walls felt bruised. It hurt quite a bit, but not all of the pain was bad.

But before I curled up to go to sleep I took a tylenol just to be on the safe side. It's not the first time I've gotten cramping immediately after sex/during sex when I'm not on the rag. And sometimes it gets so bad afterward that I can't sleep. So I figured taking the tylenol would be a good idea.

Master had me go to sleep right after He was done with me and I had taken the tylenol. I slept in the bedroom rather than in the living room because I was having a problem breathing due to my sinuses.

This morning I woke up and my sinuses aren't as bad as they have been the past two days, but now my throat kind of hurts due to all the sinus drainage. Fun for me. So I ended up taking three benadryl through out today. And I think they are finally catching up with me as I have basically no energy this evening. It's a very good thing that tomorrow is my half day at work.

Also, another thing I noticed today is that my pussy still feels bruised. I informed Master of this, and He said that He would have to let me heal at least for tonight so that we could have all sorts of fun this weekend. Gods I hope I'm feeling better tomorrow.

I Hate My Sinuses

My sinuses do not like me today. And they didn't yesterday either. Because they are bastards.

Yesterday I woke up with my sinuses just beating the hell out of my head. So I took some non-drowsy sinus medication and went to work. Well the sinus meds didn't really work. My nose was still running, I was sneezing, and the pressure headache was still there. Unfortunately it stayed with me into the night and in fact got worse at night time. Of course.

So I took some more sinus meds and stayed up with Master for a bit. I had gotten dressed up in my school girl outfit, but I was exhausted before Master was ready to go to bed. And I wasn't feeling that great because of the pressure headache and sinus drainage. So He allowed me to sleep on the couch. He woke me up a few hours later and had me move to the bedroom. He was right there beside me as I laid down. He felt up my leg and nuzzled my neck a little bit before telling me to roll onto my stomach. I did as I was told, even though I was barely awake at that point. He then forced His cock into me and used me to get Himself off. Whenever He wakes me up by fucking me I am not allowed to cum. Every time He does that it's to use me. Not that I'm complaining mind you. ;-)

After He filled me with His cum He kissed the back of my head, rolled over, and allowed me to curl up with Him as we both drifted off to sleep.

Today my sinuses haven't been quite as bad, but I'm still all stuffed up and having to blow my nose quite a bit. My poor nose hurts. :-(

I'm just hoping that my sinuses quit fucking with me before Friday. Master has a lot of plans this weekend that involve my ass. Literally. And I'd rather be feeling up to par for it rather than all loopy on sinus medication. No matter what sinus medication I take it makes me feel out of it. Loopy. Just not totally myself. I don't want to take a Benadryl because that shit knocks me the fuck out. It's a great sleep aid, let me tell you. And I'd rather be able to be awake this evening to spend time with my Master.

Topics of Conversation

Or at least of blog posts.

For a while there I was slipping back into my old thing of posting more about the day to day shit, or about work, than I was about the other, more important, things in my life. Such as passions of mine, my marriage, and my submission.

It's like the top of my blog says: "Kitten's journey through life, love, submission, and pain." Now granted work and the day to day stuff is part of life. But still, it's a more dull side of life. The kind of stuff I'd rather not dwell on all the damn time. And I mean yes, I've done some posts about me being bi-polar and only recently finding out about it. But that makes sense to me. It's new, I'm still trying to get use to the fact that this is something I have and need medication for. So yeah, I'm going to blog about it. Plus it also helps Master so He can see where I am about it all and keep up on it all when I don't think to verbalize it. So that's a bonus.

But I'm trying to stay away from the day to day/work stuff. And I'm starting today. Now, I could have started this post about how shitty my day was, and the stresses that were involved. (And it really was a shitty day.. believe me.) But I'm not going into the details. I will stop at stating that I had a shitty day, and I will move right along.

Last night is the best Monday night I can remember in a while. Master allowed me to stay up a little late just because we were having such a good evening. And we weren't really doing anything special. It was just one of those nights where we were joking around, having a great time and smiling at each other a lot. It was wonderful.

As I said we were joking around a lot and that's when Master finally learned that I can speak in the language of "Dude". Now hopefully you are not staring at your monitor blankly asking yourself "What does speaking in 'Dude' mean?!"

Cause man, if you don't know.. you are so missing out.

Okay so speaking in "Dude" is very simple, but not everyone can do it properly. Speaking in "Dude" is just where you and whoever you are talking to only says the word "Dude" and yet you are having a complete conversation that both of you understand perfectly. It's hilarious and fun at the same time.

Master and I started talking like that last night because I had asked Him a question and He answered by saying "Dude," in such a way that He very clearly meant the word "yes". And so I said "Dude" back in a way that stated I understood.

Hopefully I haven't lost anyone here, and have explained it well enough. Although I doubt it.

When Master realized I knew how to do that He started cracking up. Apparently I'm the only chick He's ever met that can speak "Dude". Normally yes, only two guy friends can speak in "Dude". But I was a tom boy, my father is odd, and I had a lot of guy friends when I was younger since I was a tom boy. So I mastered that art rather young. He for some reason takes great pleasure in knowing that I can speak "Dude".

And that started off into this whole conversation about how a lot of couples aren't best friends. I mean they love each other (hopefully) and they care about each other.. and they may even be friends. But they aren't best friends. Master is my best friend, and I am His. We can joke around in a way that only best friends can.

One couple we know, BC and HG, have not even been together that long. I think it's been a little over a year now. And they do not even act like friends. It's kind of weird to witness, lemme tell you.

But one day we were at their place for dinner and Master and BC went outside and HG and I stayed in the apartment. This was just after Master and I had a quick joke session filled with inside jokes that only the two of us know the meaning of, and were both laughing quite a bit.

So there is the background to this story. So HG is cleaning up a bit in the kitchen and I'm standing there talking to her. There is a break in the polite conversation and she turns, looks at me, and says, "So.. why do you guys act like that?"

This kind of took me off guard. I was thinking she was referring to our lifestyle, which she does not know about. I was trying to think back of anything we said or did that could lead to that conclusion and nothing popped up. So I cautiously asked what she meant. Her reply was, "Well why do you guys joke around and have inside jokes and all that?"

Again, I had this blank look on my face. Now granted I have never experienced anything such as being best friends with your significant other, but now that Master and I have been together so long and that has stayed in tact it just seems natural to me. So I said, "Well, we're happy, in love, and we're best friends. I really don't know how else to explain it."

So she said, "Well I love BC too, and we are happy.. but I wouldn't say we're best friends. I have a best friend."

She kind of acted like I was crazy for thinking my Husband is my best friend. And I just kind of felt bad for her. I mean like I said, before Master I've never considered my significant other to be my best friend. But now that I can say that I honestly feel that way, I couldn't imagine not being my Husband's best friend. It would feel so weird to me.

So I was telling Master all about this particular conversation last night and He said that He agreed, that it would be weird to go back to having only a best friend outside of the relationship. BC was Master's best friend. And I think that's one reason why BC gets slightly territorial regarding "his place" when we are all out together. It's like he thinks I've replaced him. I have and I haven't. He no longer is who Master considers His best friend, that is true. But I have not purposefully tried to ruin their friendship or anything. It's just where I naturally landed in Master's hierarchy. And I am glad that I did.

I know I've said this in past posts, but Master and I have a lot of "titles" for one another. Master/slave. Husband/wife. Teacher/student. Best friends. Mates. The list continues. Some people may think it's unhealthy to be so completely involved with another person, but I find it to be very healthy and one of the only reasons I'm still sane.

Unpopular Opinion

Having male friends and hearing them bitch about their girlfriends or wives, and then hearing my female friends tell me what they want their man to do... I have discovered that I have an unpopular opinion, train of thought, what have you.

A lot of the women I have had as friends over the years typically want one of two things out of a boyfriend/fiance/husband.. 1) A man that is completely pussy whipped and will do everything she says and not talk back, be a mind reader, and not pressure her for sex. 2) A sugar daddy. Someone to buy them everything they want, buy them flowers for no reason what so ever that cost insane amounts of cash money that could be better spent else wear, and buy them the biggest fucking rock that she can possibly have on her finger without breaking said finger.

That my friends, is what I hear most out of women I have known. Now some people may argue that either of those scenarios is a "female dom" or "mistress" way of thinking. Well first off, I don't agree with the woman having control in a male/female relationship. In same sex relationships well obviously one of them is going to be more dominant than the other or they are going to fight a lot. You know, like how I see a heterosexual relationship.

But in a heterosexual relationship I feel that the male should be the leader, the alpha, the one who takes charge. Both men and women look at me funny when I say I have to check with my Husband when they ask to make plans, or whatever. Well not only is that common courtesy in my book (hell Master even at least warns me first.. but normally He double checks with me to see if we have anything else going on, because I'm His secretary) but that's my Husband. In my mind I should double check with Him before making any concrete plans.

I think this is why I don't understand males who can not take charge, or who fumble their way through things. Especially in the sex department. Doesn't make sense to me at all. And I never really think about it until we start playing with other people. We've never played with another person and/or couple who is in the lifestyle in the way that we are. We've played with people who "scene" but no one who lives the life and takes it on as their path like we do.

BC is a good example. He wants to be a Dom or Master, and so my Master allowed him to try a few things with me, beings that I was already trained and Master knows where my loyalty is, obviously. Now like I said BC wants to be a Dom. He is not one. Basically his interests only include rope bondage. As in intricate rope bondage. Which is boring as hell to me. I like being tied up, but I don't want it to take fucking forever to get it on me, and not only that.. but make it damn near impossible to fuck me after it's done. What is the point?! *deep breath* So anyway, when I think of a dominant male, I think of someone like my Master. Rough, knows how to command with not only His actions but with His words, tone of voice, and facial expressions. Someone who will make you do what they want forcefully even if they haven't given you time to comply with the vocal request. Why? Because they don't fucking have to. *purrs*

BC? Yeah. Um, no. He asks nicely. He makes requests, not demands. He only does light, soft, caressing touches. I mean I like those from Master, but not when He's barking orders at me. Then I want the roughness, and the man handling, and the physical backing up the verbal. Quite a few times when Master allowed BC to "put me through my paces" I had to keep myself from laughing because I knew that would piss him off, and displease Master very much.

So yeah.

Then comes this potential playmate, PB. You know, the one I wrote about in my last post. Not only does he only do light touches (from the very little that did actually happen) but he doesn't know how to initiate anything. He acts like a virgin, I swear. He has no idea what to do and once he does finally do something he acts like he's not sure if that's what he's supposed to be doing. Master even tried coaching him, trying to show Him what I like.. and PB did the exact opposite. And honestly I had to suppress laughter, yet again. However, Master wants to see if eventually PB will come out of his shell, and relax a bit more. So He is going to allow a few more attempts and then re-evaluate the situation from there. I am just going along with it because that's what my Master wants.

Such men are funny to me. Literally, I find them amusing. And not in a "aw that's cute" sort of way. But as in a "really? wow" sort of way.

Now I'm not saying that I want someone else to dominate me, but for fucks sake, when my Master is trying to show you what to do.. follow His lead! He is showing you for a reason! And if you're going to attempt to give orders, put some god damn force behind your voice. At least attempt to act confident.

I think that's one reason why Master, when I first met Him, made my head turn to the point that I damn near gave myself whiplash. He is one of those men where His very presence fills the room and it's all alpha vibes.

I'm not saying that other men like that don't exist. But I am one of those people who believe that there is one mate for everyone, and it's on not only an emotional level, but also on a spiritual and chemical level as well. I found mine. It's as simple as that.

Catch Up

Okay, this post is me trying to play catch up, so it's going to cover a variety of topics. If you think that's weird, or whatever, then you should probably not read this post, just to be on the safe side.

So it was New Years Eve, and Master and I were spending it alone for the first time in our relationship. Yes, in the damn near 8 years we have been together, we haven't spent a New Years Eve alone until this one. Either we couldn't spend it together, like before I moved up here, or we went out to a bar one year and had friends with us, and the rest of them we had friends over at our place. This year, we wanted it to be just the two of us.

But to start this off at the beginning of the day, lets rewind shall we?

Okay, so Master had gotten up to take the dog out. When He came back in He turned on the computer, dicked around online for a while and smoked a cig before coming back to bed. Then I got up around 10am and came out the living room, letting Master continue to sleep. I got onto the computer and noticed it was acting funny. So I rebooted it. Nope, still acting funny. The comp was almost 8 years old, and had been through quite a bit. So I started to worry. We can't afford to just go out and buy a new computer. Especially not when we have to pay rent this week. So I got out my trusty flash drive and backed up the files we feel are important. I just was playing it safe.

I rebooted the computer again, and suddenly it went from acting funny to just straight out not wanting to work properly at all. I tried some things, but nothing was working. So when Master got up I talked to Him about it, and I said we can try to do a restore and see if it survives it. He said okay, cause it's not like we could afford to pay something to try and fix it either. I'm techy but more software rather than hardware. And even then I'm limited in my knowledge.

So I go for it. It gets to 94% and hangs there for I kid you not 2 1/2 hours. We try it again thinking the comp froze or something. And this time it gets to 99% and hangs there for four fucking hours. By that time we knew it had died on us. There was no fixing it without trying to pay someone to fix it, and why do that on a computer that's so damn old? Most techs would probably laugh at us. Anyway, we started thinking about our options. We didn't have many. So we called a few people and looked around at stores. There was no way we could afford to buy one brand new, and we didn't really want another credit card. The credit card we do have didn't have enough left on it to put the computer on there. Our one friend, BC, said he could talk to some of his friends and find us a "loaner computer" that basically is ancient and is normally just sitting around collecting dust. We saved that as a last ditch effort.

Then I called my mother and asked her if we could borrow her 2nd computer (she has two desktops). One is a good 4 years old, and the other one she's had for about 10 months. I said I didn't care which one, but could we please borrow it while we saved up for a new one. With Master looking for a job, and actually doing freelance work where he needs access to the internet and what not, and us not really having anything else to entertain ourselves with besides the Xbox 360, yeah.. we were desperate. She hemmed and hawed, and asked if she could call us back after talking it over with her husband. I said yes. When I got off the phone with her, I just assumed the answer was going to be no.

But she called back a few hours later, and said that no we couldn't borrow it. My heart sank a little, until she said we could buy it off of her instead. Yay!

So I talked to her about it and asked her which one of her two, and how much. So she agreed to sell us her 10 month old computer, including the 18.5 monitor for $350.00. That is one hell of a deal given the fact that the monitor alone is almost $200.00 and the tower is a good $450.00. Now granted it's 10 months old, but who the fuck cares! So she said we could pick it up the next day, and pay her in 3 installments. Fine my me! Of course, I talked it over with Master before agreeing and He said that was fine.

I mean yes, finances are going to be tight until it's paid off, but it's better than not having a computer for 3-4 months while we save up for one, and it wouldn't be anywhere near as nice as the one we now have.

So once that was taken care of Master and I both relaxed. We spent the night watching movies, drinking Bailey's (which is delicious by the way), and having a great time. We had also starting watching porn around 11pm. We weren't really watching the time, but sometime before midnight Master dragged me into the bedroom and we were fucking at the stroke of midnight. (No pun intended.) That sure in the hell beats just a kiss. ;-)

We stayed up until about 2:30am and then I had to get some sleep. Master came to the bedroom a little while later, fucked me awake, came, and then passed out next to me while I curled up and fell asleep once more.

The next morning we got up when the alarm went off, got ready, and ran our errands. Once the errands were done we went down to my mother's and picked up the computer and monitor.

When we got home I took the old computer and monitor off the computer desk, placed the monitor down gently as we are keeping that as a back up, or possibly selling it, who knows. The tower? I didn't give a fuck. I knew Master was going to basically slam it into the dumpster. So whatever there.

After that I cleaned off the computer desk and assembled the new one. That didn't take much time at all. It just plugging wires in, but then I had to go through and clean out the crap my mother and brother had put on it, that we weren't going to use, put our stuff on it from the flash drive, set-up our bookmarks again, get the personalization down. Change the login name, change the password. It was a bit of a process.

But there is one thing in all of this that makes me realize that Master truly knows how much of a geek I really am, and the fact that He enjoys indulging me from time to time. We were going to have PB over later that evening (the potential male play mate). So there was some last minute cleaning that needed to be done. So instead of telling me to stop dicking around on the computer and having me clean... He allowed me to keep tweaking the new comp, letting me do my thing, and He cleaned the dishes, the kitchen counter top and the bathroom. My Master rocks.

We both played around on the computer once it was all ready to go and everything was set the way we wanted it to be. Not only do we have to get use to the new computer, but we have to get use to how wide the monitor is. It's wider than it is long. Rather than the solid square our last one is. But I'm actually really grooving on the new monitor. It takes a while to get use to, but I enjoy it. Master will take longer. But I think eventually He'll just be so use to it that it won't matter. But we also have to get use to a completely different operating system. So it's a lot of guess work right now. But I'm enjoying the slight challenge.

Okay, so enough geek speak.

PB showed up around 7pm. He is a very shy.. timid man. And honestly it's frustrating. Master and I are extremely blunt people and have no problem talking about sex, or sexual things. It's very easy for us, always has been. So when someone is kind of repressed, we are not sure how to handle it. And we also end up wondering why they are looking for a play mate to begin with if they are repressed. But whatever. Without going into all the details, the three of us ended up in the bedroom, got naked, messed around a very, very little bit and then ended up talking the rest of the time, because PB just wanted to talk. Which is great, but then why did you want to go into our bedroom and get naked? Does. Not. Compute.

Plus he got here at 7pm, and didn't leave till 4am, and we barely did anything besides talk. So it was frustrating because basically nothing happened even though the talks we had previously made it sound like quite a bit more was going to happen, but also because he just didn't want to leave. He said he had a good time, but Master and I basically felt he had wasted our time, especially since he stayed so late even though he had decided a good 4 hours earlier that he didn't want to go any further but also just wanted to talk. And he didn't want to talk about anything sexual. However, the really confusing part was when he was getting ready to leave he said he wanted to get together again soon and hopefully play some more. Yeah. Confusing! I don't know if Master wants to let this guy come over again or not. He said that He will probably allow it one or two more times just to see if he comes out of his shell or not, but after that He will re-access the situation and we'll go from there.

Once PB left, Master and I got a drank a little bit more, joked around, relaxed, and then went into the bedroom for an incredible fuck session.

We then curled up and went to sleep. This morning Master woke me up with His cock once more, and then told me to go into the living room and wake up a bit. While He took His shower He had me go run some errands, and once that was done Master and I just have been relaxing and having a great day with one another.

I'm sad to see the weekend end. Especially since it's the last mini-break I'm going to get until the end of March when my personal/vacation time renews at work. So it's going to be a long couple of months. But it should go by somewhat quickly.

Now I'm going to go enjoy my last day of the weekend with my Husband.

So it's been an interesting start to the new year, we have a new(ish) computer, and Master and I are doing great! I love that Man of mine so fucking much.