Hiding

I know I've posted about how if Master did not have certain restrictions on me I would do other things to modify and/or alter my look.

I had this visual of myself today while I was just kind of day dreaming. My hair was straight (it's naturally curly) and it was raven colored with small dark red streaks in it. I had midnight black eyeliner on with dark red lipstick. I was pale, as I normally am. As my mental picture pulled back I saw what I was wearing. I had on mesh fingerless gloves that went up to my elbows. A black tank top that had rips in it in all the right places, a black mini skirt with a couple of light chains attached to it, mesh knee highs and some killer black heels on. My ink all looked brand new and I had the next one I want already done, and it looked great.

I don't know why but I've always wanted my hair to be raven colored. The streaks don't necessarily have to be in it, but I love raven colored hair and I wish I had it. But Master will a) not allow me to dye my hair and 2) is completely against dying hair black because He did it once when He was younger and hated it.

So that was an interesting flash of a mental picture. Sometimes I just see myself in certain ways that are just... odd. I see myself in ways that I can never be. Just certain things that Master will not allow or that I can not have done because I have to be able to fit into normal society for work purposes. And how sucky is that? Why, just to maintain a good job, do I have to be able to hide that side of myself? Tattoos and piercings do not change my ability to do a job well. However, for some fucked up reason that's how companies see most people. "Oh.. you're tattooed and pierced up one side and down the other... you must not be very responsible."

Sometimes yes, my tattoos show, but not normally. And I don't have piercings in any places that anyone can see unless I'm topless and/or naked. Which isn't a bad thing but I miss my eyebrow ring. I would get it done again in a heartbeat if I could have it in while I was at work at least during the healing period. But I can't. That's one thing I don't understand about my job. You can have your ink showing as long as it's not offensive, but you can't have any visible piercings. What. The. Fuck.

It's like I told Master the other day, when I see pictures of myself where none of my tattoos are showing (like at Christmas at His mother's or whatever) I look and I don't see myself. I mean, I know that's me, but there is nothing showing that I feel helps me express myself. Ink, piercings, etc. Even when I get that forearm tattoo I'll still be able to cover it up. I wish I had something that I couldn't hide no matter what. Something, even if it's small, that I can't cover up. Maybe one day it'll happen, and maybe it won't. I know that there are sometimes where you want to be able to cover up every tattoo and every piercing you have. But I don't really want to have that option anymore. I didn't use to when I had the eyebrow ring. No matter what you could see it, case I never took it out. And I loved it. Master didn't like it at first when He met me, but eventually He actually thought it looked nice.

I don't know where this sudden rekindling of such a desire is coming from. But it's interesting.