My Best Friend

The work day dragged ass. I was blah and sluggish all damn day. I felt that way the entire ride home too. It's dark by the time I get out of work now. Already. It's so depressing. You go to work in the dark and you go home in the dark. The only way you see any sunlight is if you go outside on your lunch break. And that's only if it's not cloudy as hell all day like it was today.

The weird thing is that I'm not even really a sunlight type person. I love it when it's dark. I love it when it's raining and kind of cloudy. I love a strong storm. The difference being that it makes the work day seem so much longer. I only really enjoy these kind of days if I'm at home with Master. I can enjoy it with Him. I can't enjoy it when I'm at work.

So yeah, until I walked into the door tonight I felt very sluggish. But for whatever reason, as soon as I got comfortable I felt a thousand times better. I wasn't sluggish. I wasn't blah. I was in a good mood immediately and it didn't take much time for Master and I to start goofing around while eating dinner and watching Dexter on Netflix.

After a couple of episodes Master told me to go online and do my blog post. So I put in my ear buds, turned some music on, and am now just kind of zoning out. It love that feeling. The ear buds just kind of take over. Master is grooving in the background playing a video game of His. So we're both kind of grooving on our own stuff right now. I love that we can be in the same room and be completely comfortable doing our own thing without feeling like one of us is ignoring the other. I've seen a lot of relationships where as soon as one of them start to do something on their own their boyfriend/girlfriend/whatever immediately think that there is something wrong or they are being ignored. Normally those relationships are pretty new but still.

While the day has sucked ass, my night is going great. Master was kind enough to work on my back even though His shoulder is still really bothering Him. It was very, very sweet of Him.

It's amazing how just being home with Him can make things so much better. I feel better. Whenever I have a rough day I can always relax and decompress when I'm around Him. He is my best friend after all. I know that sounds corny as hell. But He really is. And no it's not just because I don't really have any other friends. As soon as we started dating He was my best friend, and yes I had other friends at the time.

I love Him so much. I love being around Him.

My Focal Point

I was having an iffy day. First, I woke up sad. I don't know why. I think I may have had a bad dream or something. Of course, nine times out of ten I don't remember my nightmares/bad dreams. Hell, I don't remember most of my dreams. I just wake up knowing that I've had one. This morning when I woke up I knew that I had dreamed about something, I just didn't know what. And when I realized that I felt sad I figured it was a bad dream.

I included that in my morning note to Master. I didn't want to wait until I got home to talk about it. He wants constant updates to make sure He knows exactly where I'm at mentally/emotionally. He's been like that since we found I'm bipolar. It's not a bad thing at all. I understand the concern and Him wanting to know so He knows how best to help me, should I need help. I also know it's so He can compare little mental notes He makes.

The feeling of sadness lifted on the way to work. But I was still a little up and down through out the day. I never felt depressed. But I would swing back and forth between feeling fine and then feeling a little down. I wondered if it had anything to do with my period hitting soon. But then I realized that's a little ways off still. So it must just be something that is happening for no apparent reason. It's not like I need a reason to feel off. It just happens sometimes.

I sent Master little text messages through out the day to keep Him updated. I had a couple of stops to make after work. I just couldn't wait until I got home. I just wanted to be near Him. And of course as soon as I was able to relax into the normal nightly routine I started feeling much better.

Master had kept me laughing and we've been joking around just to be silly. Maybe that's all I needed. A little bit of silliness. All work and no play makes Kitten a dull girl after all.

We watched Dexter while we goofed off. Now I'm doing my blog post and listening to songs on Your Tube while wearing my ear buds. I have this damn Rob Zombie song stuck in my head. And it's not really one of his that I love. It's mainly the beat. Isn't it always? And of course to purge it I have to listen to it. And now I'm listening to it for the second time just to make sure. Sometimes just listening to it once doesn't fully get it out, so then I figure listening to it more than once back to back is more likely to be successful. You know, follow the pattern of it looping around in my head.

Anyway, the point is that normally to feel better, since I'm properly medicated, all I need is some good down time silliness with my loving Husband. He is my rock. He is my focal point. And it works. And I love Him for it.

Long Relationships

Today at work I heard the other women who sit around me talking, as usual, when they should be working since our department was so slammed. I continued to work but couldn't help but hear what they were discussing.

The newest girl was complaining about how she isn't madly in love with her boyfriend anymore. She was saying how they have been together for 5 years and now there isn't that "rush" anymore. That newly in love feeling. She said that because of that lack of a rush she feels like it's time to leave. Time to find a new man so she can feel it all over again.

Hell of a way to look at it. She was complaining that she feels more like his friend now rather than his girlfriend. While I can understand that the rush is no longer there, is that actually a valid reason for wanting to leave?

Master and I have been together for 8 1/2 years now and while that constant rush is no longer there, I still feel it. I am deeply in love with my Husband and I am glad that we are still friends. We can sit around and talk bullshit like two friends and we can still be the kind, loving, happily married couple. Now throw in our dynamic and there are quite a few things going on all at the same time. I don't know if that helps keep our relationship "fresh" or not. Either way, I'm happy.

I couldn't imagine going back on the dating scene. In fact the thought of it kind of disgusts me. Master has said much the same. I just can't see how just because you've been with someone for "x" amount of time it warrants leaving them so you can get that rush back. She fully admitted that she still loved him and was still in love with him, just that the rush of a new love wasn't there.

As I said I am deeply in love with my Husband. Even though we have been together for so long there are times where that rush still hits me. I find that the longer we are together the happier I am. There is strength in the time we've spent together, which only gets stronger as more time passes. I am more comfortable, I love the fact that He knows me. Not just the me that some people know, but He knows who I really am. He knows my likes, dislikes, my fears, my dark secrets, my fantasies... the list continues.

In my opinion, no new "love" can compare to that.

Topics of Conversation

Or at least of blog posts.

For a while there I was slipping back into my old thing of posting more about the day to day shit, or about work, than I was about the other, more important, things in my life. Such as passions of mine, my marriage, and my submission.

It's like the top of my blog says: "Kitten's journey through life, love, submission, and pain." Now granted work and the day to day stuff is part of life. But still, it's a more dull side of life. The kind of stuff I'd rather not dwell on all the damn time. And I mean yes, I've done some posts about me being bi-polar and only recently finding out about it. But that makes sense to me. It's new, I'm still trying to get use to the fact that this is something I have and need medication for. So yeah, I'm going to blog about it. Plus it also helps Master so He can see where I am about it all and keep up on it all when I don't think to verbalize it. So that's a bonus.

But I'm trying to stay away from the day to day/work stuff. And I'm starting today. Now, I could have started this post about how shitty my day was, and the stresses that were involved. (And it really was a shitty day.. believe me.) But I'm not going into the details. I will stop at stating that I had a shitty day, and I will move right along.

Last night is the best Monday night I can remember in a while. Master allowed me to stay up a little late just because we were having such a good evening. And we weren't really doing anything special. It was just one of those nights where we were joking around, having a great time and smiling at each other a lot. It was wonderful.

As I said we were joking around a lot and that's when Master finally learned that I can speak in the language of "Dude". Now hopefully you are not staring at your monitor blankly asking yourself "What does speaking in 'Dude' mean?!"

Cause man, if you don't know.. you are so missing out.

Okay so speaking in "Dude" is very simple, but not everyone can do it properly. Speaking in "Dude" is just where you and whoever you are talking to only says the word "Dude" and yet you are having a complete conversation that both of you understand perfectly. It's hilarious and fun at the same time.

Master and I started talking like that last night because I had asked Him a question and He answered by saying "Dude," in such a way that He very clearly meant the word "yes". And so I said "Dude" back in a way that stated I understood.

Hopefully I haven't lost anyone here, and have explained it well enough. Although I doubt it.

When Master realized I knew how to do that He started cracking up. Apparently I'm the only chick He's ever met that can speak "Dude". Normally yes, only two guy friends can speak in "Dude". But I was a tom boy, my father is odd, and I had a lot of guy friends when I was younger since I was a tom boy. So I mastered that art rather young. He for some reason takes great pleasure in knowing that I can speak "Dude".

And that started off into this whole conversation about how a lot of couples aren't best friends. I mean they love each other (hopefully) and they care about each other.. and they may even be friends. But they aren't best friends. Master is my best friend, and I am His. We can joke around in a way that only best friends can.

One couple we know, BC and HG, have not even been together that long. I think it's been a little over a year now. And they do not even act like friends. It's kind of weird to witness, lemme tell you.

But one day we were at their place for dinner and Master and BC went outside and HG and I stayed in the apartment. This was just after Master and I had a quick joke session filled with inside jokes that only the two of us know the meaning of, and were both laughing quite a bit.

So there is the background to this story. So HG is cleaning up a bit in the kitchen and I'm standing there talking to her. There is a break in the polite conversation and she turns, looks at me, and says, "So.. why do you guys act like that?"

This kind of took me off guard. I was thinking she was referring to our lifestyle, which she does not know about. I was trying to think back of anything we said or did that could lead to that conclusion and nothing popped up. So I cautiously asked what she meant. Her reply was, "Well why do you guys joke around and have inside jokes and all that?"

Again, I had this blank look on my face. Now granted I have never experienced anything such as being best friends with your significant other, but now that Master and I have been together so long and that has stayed in tact it just seems natural to me. So I said, "Well, we're happy, in love, and we're best friends. I really don't know how else to explain it."

So she said, "Well I love BC too, and we are happy.. but I wouldn't say we're best friends. I have a best friend."

She kind of acted like I was crazy for thinking my Husband is my best friend. And I just kind of felt bad for her. I mean like I said, before Master I've never considered my significant other to be my best friend. But now that I can say that I honestly feel that way, I couldn't imagine not being my Husband's best friend. It would feel so weird to me.

So I was telling Master all about this particular conversation last night and He said that He agreed, that it would be weird to go back to having only a best friend outside of the relationship. BC was Master's best friend. And I think that's one reason why BC gets slightly territorial regarding "his place" when we are all out together. It's like he thinks I've replaced him. I have and I haven't. He no longer is who Master considers His best friend, that is true. But I have not purposefully tried to ruin their friendship or anything. It's just where I naturally landed in Master's hierarchy. And I am glad that I did.

I know I've said this in past posts, but Master and I have a lot of "titles" for one another. Master/slave. Husband/wife. Teacher/student. Best friends. Mates. The list continues. Some people may think it's unhealthy to be so completely involved with another person, but I find it to be very healthy and one of the only reasons I'm still sane.