My neck is doing better. We had gone down to my father's a couple of days ago and my neck was still fucking with me. As a result my dad asked me if I wanted any ibuprofen. I said yes and so he handed me 800 milligrams worth. He knows how I am. After all he used to have to deal with it as I was growing up. That may sound like a lot, especially since I'm only 5ft1 and petite but for whatever reason I normally need a high dose of pain killers. It may be because of the fact that I've been dealing with fibromyalgia since I was a pre-teen. And I use to take some strong shit for that and my horrible migraines that would literally knock out my vision. I don't remember what I was taking for the migraines.... The name of the drug escapes me. And since I'm allergic to codeine I would have to take high doses of ibuprofen because Vicodin and all that has codeine in it. I found out that I was allergic to codeine the hard way because I was taking Tylenol 3 with codeine and nope.. I was sicker than a dog.
Over the years my body just picked up a tolerance to normal doses of ibuprofen when I was in a lot of pain. As a result I had to up the dosage over and over again. Hell even with "normal" levels of pain require higher dosages. Unless it is to the point that I think my neck is going to lock I normally do one of the following:
400 milligrams of ibuprofen
1,000 milligrams of Tylenol
200 milligrams of ibuprofen and 500 milligrams of Tylenol (Sometimes mixing the two works better.)
For some reason Tylenol doesn't work as well. Not sure why. No clue.
And yes, I know that a lot of people will warn you about it harming your stomach or your liver, etc. and so on but what else can I do?
If I take anything less than that it doesn't even begin to put a dent in it. And all of my doctors in the past have told me to take the high dosages due to my tolerance and even when I go to the ER for my neck they give me 600 milligrams of ibuprofen. And it's not a small bottle they give me. If I could take medication with codeine in it I wouldn't need to take a high dosage. But I can't. Well, I could but only if I want to be throwing up constantly and possibly break out into hives. I've had some doctors try to tell me those are side effects rather than an allergy. Fuck that noise.
But since I took that 800 milligram ibuprofen and Master works rather hard on my neck I feel a lot better.
Master has a large ego. *laughs* I know.. a Dominant having a large ego?! Surely you jest! We joke about it all of the time. I tell Him that His ego is the size of the state we live in, if not larger. He tends to just nod His head and agree with me. Other times He'll mockingly look offended by it. Ya know, cause He's a smart ass.
The reason this is being brought up is because of Sunday night. We were both pretty revved up. We were both in the mood for rough sex. That's a pretty regular occurrence, obviously. What with His being a sadist and my being a masochist and all that. But this went a bit beyond the usual. This wasn't just some kink pain. No, He was going for literally making my pussy hurt to the point where I started cramping. I don't know if any other woman gets that or not. But I do. It doesn't happen a lot, but it does happen.
Normally He just wants to make me sore so that I'm swollen and taking a sharp breath when He thrusts into me. But this time He was seriously setting out to make it hurt, and hurt a lot. He flipped me onto my stomach to start and knelt behind me. As soon as He was balls deep inside of me He moved His knees up so that they were against my hips. I don't think He could have gotten any deeper without dislocating my hips. Immediately I hard to take in a very deep breath. It was very sudden and a shock to the system. I was wet, but not dripping wet just yet. Although that didn't take long at all.
And can I just take a moment and say how much I love the fact that He is clean shaven down there? I still have the landing strip but my pussy lips are of course clean shaven. And for whatever reason it was just highly noticeable to me that night. The way everything was just sliding against the other was just... delicious. It mixed very well with the pain.
He had grabbed my shoulders and was propping up His upper body while pinning me to the bed. It may sound odd that I was already in pain from being fucked that deep. He had basically "bottomed out" as soon as He moved His knees up, and each time He thrust His hips He was hitting that spot over, and over again. I loved it.
He ordered me to cum several times. Of course, I got more sensitive with each orgasm. He allowed me one final orgasm before telling me that I was now His toy. As soon as that orgasm ended He rolled onto His side, making sure to pull me with Him so He never slipped out. He crushed my upper body to Him and had my legs sticking straight down and remained just as deep as He was when I was on my stomach. I was starting to cramp. It had turned from delicious pain to the very beginnings of my cramping.
I didn't say anything because I knew that He was aiming for that result. Maybe not the cramping part but definitely more than just my being sore. He knew I was starting to cramp. I mean, how couldn't He? Especially when He's that deep inside of me. He asked me why it every time He makes me hurt like that I seem to want to coat His cock with my juices. Even though it hurt I couldn't help but giggle a bit and say, "I guess because I'm a sick bitch Master." He chuckled one of His very dark chuckles and said, "No, what's sick is how much I enjoy hurting you."
He asked me if it was starting to become a little too much. Before I could answer He followed up with telling me to be honest rather than trying to be a "bad ass" and prove that I could power through it. I told Him that yes, it was getting to be a bit much. So He took one of my legs and held it up a bit so He wasn't quite as deep. It still hurt but the cramping stopped.
It didn't take long after that before He had my stomach again, but this time He had one of my legs straight back and the other one bent at the knee and out from underneath His body. He knelt behind me again as He pumped in and out of me. I began to beg for His cum. I begged Him to coat me where it hurt. He growled and pushed forward as far as He possibly could. I took in a sharp breath and my eyes went wide, but I enjoyed every single second, ever single pulse of His cock.
Afterward He rested His lower body against me but kept His upper body propped up by His arms. He asked how I was doing. I simply said, "Amazing!" He laughed and said, "I know I was." See! There is that ego! Not that He was wrong.... but that's not the point. *smirks* He playfully smacked me on the ass and rolled off of me. He held me for a little while afterward. I was cum drunk, that's for damn sure.
There actually isn't a lot going on in my gray matter right now. Work has been kicking my tail up one side and down the other. As a result I'm more like a bump on a log than anything when I'm at home.
That pisses me off actually. I want to be more active. I want to be up to fucking at the very least. But I'm not. It's not just the fact that I am like a zombie or the fact that I feel like I can't form a full thought and keep a hold of it for more than a few minutes. It's also the fact that I'm sore all over. Mainly the tops of my shoulders, right between my shoulder blades, and of course my lower back. What's weird is that even my left knee is starting to give me shit. It feels like there is water under it, which is just a wonderful sensation.
I've been trying not to complain about it. Master's neck has been really bothering Him. He's not sure what He did to it but He can't turn His head one way too far without it really hurting. I've been there, many times. Hell, I've actually had my neck muscles lock so I can't move my head at all without it causing so much pain that I feel like I'm going to be sick.
I'm trying to help as much as I can. I've worked on His neck the past two nights. I'm doing the best I can, but there isn't a whole hell of a lot you can do with a pain like that. All you can do is try to get it to relax a little bit. Without a muscle relaxer it basically has to run it's course. He said it's a little bit better than it was two days ago, which is a good thing.
Since I know exactly what that feels like I feel even worse for Him. Whenever He's in pain I feel bad and I wish I could do more. With something I can relate to, like what He's going through right now, I feel worse.
I'm sure He turned His neck wrong or just turned it to quickly. Hell, it could just be that He slept wrong. I also know that the cold isn't helping at all. Cold weather always makes pain seem amplified. Especially when it's muscle pain since your muscles are already tightening up due to the cold. You add something like that to it and holy hell.
Something crossed my mind earlier today. Anyone who reads this blog regularly knows two things about me. Okay, so you probably know a lot more than two things about me if you read this blog a lot, but for the sake of this blog post I'm referring to two things in particular. 1. That I am a masochist. 2. That I have fibromyalgia.
So anyway, what was running through my mind was that maybe one of them effects the other. No, I don't think that my being a masochist makes my fibromyalgia worse. That would be idiotic of me really. But I do think that my fibromyalgia effects my being a masochist. I know that not all of my nerve endings react the way they normally would. I'm not sure if it's directly related or not, but it's something that I noticed about myself.
There are times where my neck and/or shoulders are really bothering me. They haven't gone into full lock up/don't fucking touch or breathe on them mode but they are pretty bad. And I remember a few times where, for whatever reason, I asked Master to bite me right where it was hurting the most.
Sounds dumb right? It hurts, so let's hurt it some more!
But it honestly helped. Master looked at me like I was nuts the first time I asked. It was my right shoulder. That muscle on top of your shoulder that meets up with the side of your neck. I'm not sure why the thought popped into my head but I just looked at Him and asked Him to bite my shoulder right next to the knot that was forming. Not the knot itself but just to the side of it.
He of course asked me if I was sure and I said yes. It's not like He wouldn't stop if I asked Him to. So He had me kneel in front of Him, with my back to Him. I moved my hair and He told me to take a deep breath. As I inhaled He positioned Himself and then as I exhaled He bit down.
It hurt like a mother fucker. I didn't ask Him to stop though. Well, not right away. Finally the pain got to be too much and I asked Him to stop. He immediately released my flesh from His jaws. I remember that I leaned forward, damn near putting my forehead to the floor. But then I sat back up and while I was light headed my shoulder actually felt looser, oddly enough.
It really did help. Yes, it hurt a lot but it kept my shoulder from getting to that place where it locks.
So, when that memory strolled on through my gray matter I started to wonder if maybe that's part of the reason why I enjoy certain kinds of pain. It keeps the focus off of my normal day to day pain. Not always, but sometimes.
The other part of it is just that I'm twisted that way. *smirks*
Master wanted me to dress up last night. I waited to take my bath until after the animals were taken care of for the night. It didn't make much sense to me to take my bath, wait to take care of the animals, and then put on lingerie.
I put on my school girl outfit. He seemed pleased.
The sex was amazing, although something caught me off guard. When Master was using His mouth the suck and chew on my tits, it felt amazing. But then He did something He almost always does, that I normally enjoy. He moved His mouth in such a way that the bottom of my breast was completely in His mouth and I felt His teeth scrape the skin just under it. It hurt like a mother fucker. He does it all the time, like I said. And normally I really enjoy it. But last night for some reason it really hurt and I reacted to it. All I did really was hiss through my teeth and say ouch a little loudly.
He stopped and I could hear that He sounded a little confused by my reaction. I simply said, "I don't know why but that really hurt."
He knew it wasn't a good hurt. And yes, He's sadistic but there is a difference. There is the kind of pain He wants to inflict and then there is the pain He did not intentionally inflict. This time it was the latter. If He's not trying to make it hurt, it does Him no good. He doesn't get off on it if the pain is caused accidentally.
So He apologized and let me take a moment to realign myself basically. Once I relaxed a little bit He continued. Sometimes pain that I know He doesn't mean to cause really fucking throws me off. It'll almost kill the mood entirely. Not just because of the pain but because it kind of shocks me mentally. I don't really know how to describe it.
It's not like I really know when or how He is going to hurt me but there seems to be a difference to me. When pain hits me during sex I always know if that was on purpose. And when it isn't, it definitely hits my system differently.
Like I said, I'm not sure how I know or how I know it the second it happens. Especially when He doesn't even know it has happened. Weird.......
I obviously "got over it" rather quickly and by the time we were done fucking I was in pain in certain areas, but it hurt in a very good way. For some reason I also had a little bit of sub drop and cried for a few minutes. I don't know if one has to do with the other but sub drop hasn't happened to me in a very long time.
Last night a migraine started to hit me out of nowhere. It started off with random shooting pains on the right side of my head. That was fun. I would be fine and then a sudden sharp pain would shoot from behind my ear, along my skull and into my temple. That fucking hurts, let me tell ya. Master allowed me to stay up even as the migraine got worse. Sometimes it hits a point where I want to do nothing but lay in a dark room and hear and see nothing what so ever. Thankfully, last night it didn't get that bad. I just laid down on the couch cuddling a blanket with the couch pillows propping me up. I knew that if I tried to go to sleep right away I would just get more aggravated because I wouldn't be able to sleep. I don't know about you, but not being able to fall asleep because of pain pisses me off.
I popped some Advil and stayed on the couch until Master told me I had to go to bed. He had allowed me to stay up past my bedtime by a half hour so I knew I couldn't push it. Plus, He worries about my health and didn't want my migraine to get any worse. So He gave me a big hug, a kiss to my forehead and had me head off to the bedroom.
Lately I've taken to shutting the bedroom door when I go to bed. I used to leave it open all the time because really, why shut it? Well, I've discovered that if I shut the door I don't have that urge to just get up and go into the living room when I can't sleep.
I guess it's kind of like putting a cover on bird cage. It's dark. It's time to sleep. Fuck it.
I couldn't fall asleep right away unfortunately. But I just forced myself to stay in one position rather than tossing and turning and eventually I drifted off. I have no idea what time it was because I refused to look at the clock. Looking at the clock when I'm trying to fall asleep is another good way to irritate myself. What do you mean it's already 2:30am?! What the fuck?!
You get the point.
This morning I woke up and I still had a small headache but nothing that couldn't be fixed with a couple more Advil and coffee. I feel fine now. It's been quite some time since I've had a migraine. I've had some bad headaches, but trust me there is a huge difference between a bad headache and a migraine.
Master and I are both in a sucky situation. I'm on the rag right now and when that happens during the first few days my lower back becomes nothing but a tense, painful part of my body; especially around the hip line. Ugh.
To top that off my fibromyalgia is acting up a bit. Thankfully it's not a full on flare up. I'd be totally fucked. A full on flare up hasn't happened in about 6 months. *knock on wood* When flare ups happen sometimes it hurts to even breathe because as I do so it pulls on muscles that already feel like they are endless knots of pain. Today, it's just my lower back and right below my shoulder blades.
However, I'm not the only one in pain. My poor Husband has a pinched nerve that is giving Him no end of hell. I tried to help Him last night by working on His back and focusing the areas where I could feel the most tension. He said it did help, but it obviously wasn't going to be enough to get rid of it. I promised Him last night that I would work on it again today.
I don't have to promise anything. He can just order me to do it, but still. He knows I want to help Him however I can. Tonight though it surprised me when Master asked if I wanted to "trade" back rubs. It is exactly what it sounds like. He'll work on my back and then I work on His. Again, He doesn't have to do that. As I said before all He would have to do is order me to work on His back. No matter how much I may not want to do it because I'm so sore but Master was sweet enough to offer a compromise. He is a very loving Husband. He doesn't like to see me in pain just as I do not like seeing Him in pain.
Sometimes we can't do anything about it. There are times where I am in too much pain to even have my back or shoulders touched, let alone be massaged. Master also has instances in which He does not want a back rub because the muscles are too tender.
We take good care of each other, or at least we do our best to. It is emotionally painful for me to see Master in pain or really ill and know that there is nothing that I can do. He calls me a nurse when He gets ill. I am constantly asking if He needs something. If He tries to get up to get something to drink I beat Him to it and tell Him to sit down.
Yeah, I kind of bark orders when He's sick. He has a blood disorder where if He gets sick, depending on how badly, it can turn a flu into pneumonia on the turn of a dime and pneumonia can kill Him. I know, pneumonia can kill anyone. But because of His blood disorder it has to be caught quickly before it starts that dive into extremely dangerous territory. About three years ago He had walking pneumonia and I was scared out of my mind. When He was in the emergency room I was pacing back and forth whenever the doctor or nurses weren't in there. I was antsy and protective. I watched everything they did. The only time I left His side is when they wheeled Him to go get an x-ray. They told me I couldn't go with Him, so since He was getting x-rays I used that time to quickly run to the bathroom and then grab a soda from the vending machine. You would have thought I was being timed or something. I made it back to the room before Master was rolled back in.
When we got home after He had been on IV antibiotics for a few hours and had a prescription for very strong antibiotics I sent Him straight off to bed. We have this "rule" where if it involves health, I can over rule Him. You see, my dear Husband is a stubborn, stubborn man. So when He's sick He wants to push Himself when I feel He shouldn't be. So I will tell Him to go back to bed, to sit down, etc. I lecture Him when He pushes Himself too much. Yeah, now you know why He calls me a nurse. I smother Him with kindness, love and lectures. *laughs* But He does always thank me for taking such good care of Him. I do the same when I'm sick or in a lot of pain. Both of us always say, "It's our job." But we both want the other to know how much we appreciate it.
Wow. That went into a whole different direction than I thought it would.
This is an update regarding the post I did yesterday. As the night went on my neck just got worse. There was even a point where I was doing nothing but laying down on the couch and I cried from the pain. That's when Master said that we might need to go to the emergency room. He knows I have a high pain tolerance, so when something like that (meaning pain He isn't causing directly.. lol) makes me cry He knows it's really bad.
I told Him I wanted to try to wait it out. I didn't have enough to pay the copay for an emergency room visit. My other copays for like an office visit or medication are extremely affordable. But for an emergency room visit it's $100.00 and we didn't have that right now.
But eventually I broke down and called the hospital. I explained the situation and they said that I have the option to pay it up front, otherwise they will just bill it to me. So I looked at Master, told Him this, and said that I think we should go in.
We left around 10pm and getting checked in didn't take long. They took my blood pressure and my temp like they always do. Then they asked for my medication allergies and what medications I'm on. Then, as always, they asked me if I feel threatened by anyone in my home or if I'm being abused in any way. I of course said no. But I find it irritating that I even get asked that question. I realize that these days they always ask that question when a female gets checked in. At least around here, but I figure if that's happening hopefully the woman in question would tell a doctor and/or nurse about that. But I know a lot of woman can't or won't.
So then I wait for a room. About 10 minutes later I get put in a room and lay down on the hospital bed. That's when the actual waiting started. About 15 minutes after that a nurse came in and made sure my information was up to date and get my insurance information. After that it felt like forever. My neck was throbbing and when I'm pain like that my eyes get extremely light sensitive. And it's bright in hospitals. So I laid there with my eyes closed until the doctor came in. She was really nice, and very attentive. I wish I could have her as a primary care physician. That's how much I liked her. Master was even pleased with how she handled me. And He is very protective of me normally, multiply that times 10 when I'm sick or in a lot of pain. It was the first time that when it came time to tell the doctor what medical conditions I have that I had to say I'm bi-polar. But she didn't even blink. She just wrote it down and smiled at me.
After she was done with her examination she decided not to give me a shot like most doctors used to give me. Nope. She gave me three pills and three prescriptions for the next week. She also wrote me a note to take to work asking them to excuse me from work today (Monday). She told me that I needed to at least give my neck one more day to try and mend itself a bit rather than just masking it with medication, and that sitting at a computer for 8+ hours in a day was not going to help.
We got home around 1am and the medication had me really loopy. So Master had me go to bed.
This morning I got up when the alarm went off. I called my supervisor at work and explained that I had to go to the emergency room last night and that the doctor had given me a note for work and that I could explain it a lot better to him in person tomorrow. He said it was okay and to try to feel better. He's a great supervisor.
I know I'll probably have to make up the hours at work though. So I have a feeling I'm going to be working on Saturday, but there wasn't much to be done about it. After that I went to Walgreens and filled my prescriptions. One was for pain, the other for a muscle relaxer, and the last one for nausea since the pain makes me nauseous and the pills can as well.
But I just want to end this post saying how great my Husband is. He absolutely hates hospitals. He loathes them so much that He gets tense just being in one. But He came with me to make sure I was properly taken care of and because He was worried about me. He loves me a lot. I am grateful for how supportive He is.
Today started off well enough. Although I didn't want to get out of bed. The bed was nice and warm, my Husband was gently snoring and looked comfy. I just wanted to lay back down and curl up with Him for a while longer. But duty called.
The minute I moved the comforter off me I regretted it. It was cold outside of the bed!
But I got up, got ready for work, and headed out. The sucky part of the day actually started right before my lunch break. All of a sudden I had this shooting pain going from my right shoulder, down my arm, to my wrist. And it has not stopped since that point. Sometimes it's more of a dull ache, but just when I get use to it, all of a sudden the shooting pain comes right back.
I have no idea what caused it. I didn't slam against anything, I didn't do anything unusual.. it just came out of nowhere. And it's still there.
Sometimes I wish I could turn off my nerve endings so I could teach my limbs a lesson when they are pulling shit like this. But that's the problem with your body revolting against you. You only punish yourself if you try to punish said limb.
It just makes doing my job difficult since I have to type a lot and do a lot of repetitive movements.
Speaking of which typing right now is not helping. Tomorrow, a better blog post.
It has been a long time since I've been beaten. I'm not talking a quick over the knee spanking. I'm talking me crying and not being able to get past the pain, not being able to think clearly, type beating.
I'm not talking about a punishment. I'm talking just for the sake of it.
Master's sadistic side is... it's own animal.
But He tempers it very well, and can reign it in. His self control is awe inspiring in that way.
And I am a masochist. I can't say that I truly enjoy it, because when it's happening all I can think of is to get away from the pain, whether it be inside my own head, or physically being able to get away from it.
I remember walking around and poking my bruises after ward though, and feeling like I had been cleansed. I am a masochist in that way. During, I want almost nothing to do with it. And before hand, I am scared. But after? After I feel... light.
As if going through it has some how made all my other stresses melt away, at least for a time.
And I love the physical reminders. I have scars from my Master. Scars that I am very proud of.
And I always did love showing off the bruises. We use to have pictures of ones He has given me in the past, but alas those were on old computers. Computers that weren't backed up, and we didn't have any of them saved online. I wouldn't mind some new ones, to replace the ones we've lost.
I also remember how much Master use to love showing the bruises off. He didn't have many chances to except where BC was concerned. He's always known about our lifestyle, and lives vicariously through Master when he can.
He seems disappointed that his current girlfriend is only into light bondage. But BC is not a natural born Alpha, like Master is. So it's probably for the best. And since he now has a girlfriend, we respect that by having me stay clothed when he's over.
But I'm straying from my point. My point is that I feel better after, for a while. And the markings that the beatings leave stay with me for quite some time and always make me smile, even when I'm wincing because of them.
And I know that Master feels better after (and most likely during) as well. It's healthy for Him to be able to let that animal of His out of it's cage every now and then.
But with the down ward spiral I was on, it was not something that has been practiced in far too long.
I feel I am no longer on that downward spiral. And I feel it's time for that to happen again.
This may sound oh so mundane of me, but I would rather do such on the weekends. Not simply because I have to work the next day otherwise, but because we don't have a lot of down time when I get home from work. I get home, we eat dinner, and then I still have to take my bath/shower and do my blog post. So really, when it's all said and done we only have a few hours together before I have to go to sleep.
And I would rather not rush such a thing. I would rather have a day where we don't have anything else going on.
That way we can lead into it, have Him let His animal out, and then perhaps... if He's willing.. some "after care". I hesitate to use those words. After care.
I don't believe it is really a need, or something a Master has to do.
But I do enjoy being soothed afterward. Some cuddle time, some praise if I deserve it, etc. A bit of pampering, if you will.
As I said in a previous post, not that long ago, I love that He can be so rough and ... raw. But I also greatly enjoy it when He's tender with me.
I may be a slave, but I am a highly affectionate slave. And sometimes the best kind of affection there is, is the kind that's earned.
First.. I'll get my nerdness out of the way. With the help from the forums on wordpress.com I was able to get all the colors replaced that I wanted replaced. I'm loving the new theme. At least in Firefox. In IE it has a couple of extra dots in the tables.. but not much to be done there. I think that's more of a glitch since the theme is so new rather than a coding issue since it looks fine in Firefox.
So yay! I'm happy. :-)
Now.. on to the pain. Maybe it's because the subject matter has been on my mind since 6:30 this morning, but I've had Godsmack's song "Love. Hate. Sex. Pain." stuck in my head all fucking day.
So here is the song, and then I'll move onto the post itself.
I enjoy certain kinds of pain. I don't like all pain, obviously. Like if I were to break my leg or something, I wouldn't cream myself. (Although if I did that'd be pretty damn twisted.)
So anyway, I like spanking... normally. If it's with His hand I usually like it unless He hits that same damn spot over, and over, and over again. By the way how the hell do Masters have such accurate aim?! What the hell is with that?
With His belt? Well. No. I don't like that. But apparently my pussy gets soaked every time He does it. Like Niagara Falls type soaked. It's like this weird self defense mechanism. "If you stop hitting me with the belt long enough to fuck me, Your dick will get wet like it's never been wet before!"
He's only ever hit my ass, legs, and pussy with the belt. (Although the pussy belt licks hurt like a mother fucker.) He's never hit my tits, my stomach, or my back. My back I think I might enjoy, if He didn't wallop the hell out of me. But the tits and stomach? No way. I would hate it and wish I were curled up in a ball somewhere after the first hit.
I love being bit. Sometimes it hurts like hell, and sometimes I can just ride the wave of it. The ebb and flow of the pain and just reach this really zen like state while getting riled up all at the same time.
But one of the most interesting sensations isn't really pain related. It's when my chin is basically to my chest and I'm kind of hunched over and He runs His teeth over the part of my spine right below my neck line, in between my shoulder blades. It's like electricity flowing through me in small shock waves. It always causes me to shiver.
But I also like the mixture of pleasure and pain. You know, be mean and inflict pain for a while, and then switch to a short lived gentle massage, and then back to the pain, and then back to the gentle massage... it just really fucks with my nerve endings until it's really hard to tell where one ends and the other begins, but in the most wonderful way.
I like my hair pulled, I love being tossed around. I don't really consider myself a pain slut. But I do love to be man handled. And sometimes pain comes with the territory. I like being moved roughly, pinned down, choked, tossed onto the bed, etc.
Master and I have experimenting with slapping in the face, and punching. Although the punching was never in the face, it was always the chest or the middle of the back in case it left bruises. But neither of us got into the punching all that much. It was interesting for a little while, but other than that we pretty much left it alone.
We haven't done the face slapping for a while. As long as it's not full force I like it. I'd rather it come in small quick slaps, rather than full on bitch slapping. Why we haven't done it in a while I don't quite remember. It was literally years ago that we last did it.
Also on the subject of pain that isn't necessarily sexually related, for me.. its tattoos and piercings. Oh yeah. The beloved subject of body modification.
I am currently holding at 11 tattoos and three piercings (not including my ears and not including the ones I let close up in the past). But today I got the thought in my head to get my septum pierced. I've thought about it before. Like a lot. But I've never done it. My nipples and VCH no problem. Done deal. But Master isn't 100% sure He's going to like how it looks. So... that's kind of in limbo.
I did check into it today though so when I brought it up again I'd have all the facts ready. I called the place that I got my last three piercings done at because I loved the experience and the jewelry is really nice. I've had no problems with those three, so the fourth shouldn't cause any either.
I got the price, their hours of operation, and how long it should take to heal. My job doesn't allow facial piercings, but since I could flip it up while at work, and just flip it back down (I want the half moon not a full ring) when I'm not at work.. it'd work out perfectly.
In my mind I think it would look hot as hell on me. And just the thought of me having it turned me on. Like, a lot. It's rather inexpensive to do as well, so bonus there. I have no idea how much it would hurt, but I don't think it'd be as bad as the nipples, but it will defiantly hurt more than the VCH. That didn't hurt at all. It was a pinch and it was over.
I want it, but if Master ends up not liking it and having me take it out.. well that'd just be a waste. I knew He'd like the nipple piercings. And I was 90% sure that He'd like the VCH. I'm 100% on the septum, but He's not. So I wait for His decision. That, and the available funds.
Part of me wishes He would have said yes, and we would have gone tonight. But I don't know if we could really afford it right this second. Why the sudden want? Well, it was the same way with my other three. I wanted them, the thought turned me on to no end, He agreed, and we went. We didn't really have the money then either, but I hardly ever spend money on myself so I didn't feel bad about it.
Hello. My name is Kitten, I'm 27 years old, and I am falling apart apparently.
For the past two weeks my fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass. It comes in waves. One minute it'll be tolerable, and the next I'm ready to cry due to the pain. I don't cry though. I choke back that instinct and fight through it, like I usually do.
And then today my damn head had to join into the mix. It started with pain at the base of my skull. It stayed there for a little while, I rubbed it to try and ease the pain up. Then as the day continued the pain spread from the base of my neck and wrapped around my skull. Kill me now.
So I take two tylenol and do my best to not do any sudden movements with my head or neck. Eventually, it starts to fade away. I basically drank enough water today to drown someone with. I didn't want to drink a lot of soda because when the pain gets that back I start feeling sick to my stomach and that's no fun.
If I had still been in my old position at work I would have called Master to come pick me up and take me home. It was that bad. But since I'm only in my second week of this position I didn't want to take off, so I pushed through it.
By the time I got home from work the migraine was gone, thankfully.
Master and I had dinner and I played around online for a while. Then I took my bath. Master is allowing me to wear a comfy t-shirt for the time being. Then for whatever reason I painted my nails. My toenails are purple with silver stripes on them, and my fingernails are silver with purple stripes on them. Very teenagerish of me, I know. But I still like doing that sort of thing, and I'm still young enough to pull it off. At least in my own mind I am.
Hell, who am I kidding. I'll probably be doing that sort of thing in my 40's.
I also sent an e-mail to Ideal Image, about getting a free consultation about laser hair removal. They do bikini lines, but I want basically all that hair gone. Just. Gone. I told Master about it, and He said that's fine but He wants me to have the ability to have a strip still. So I would get every thing else removed except for that strip. Then when He wants me to have that, I can grow it out. And when He doesn't, that'll be the only part of my pussy I'll have to shave! That would be amazing.
I have no idea how much this sort of thing costs, but they have financing available. Plus if I can't afford it now, that doesn't mean I can't afford it later. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. I figure I'll get my pussy done first. And if I'm 100% pleased with that, then I'll do the underarms, and then maybe my legs. But I can only do my legs if the laser won't damage my ink. I'd have to ask them about that. And if there is even the slightest risk of it damaging my ink, I won't get my legs done.
Last night Master and I decided it would be best if I didn't sleep on the couch, while waiting for Him to go to bed, due to my neck. That kind of made me feel mopey, but not much to be done about it. Health first, and what not.
So this morning I woke up feeling fine. Absolutely fine. But apparently my neck was just setting me up. On the way to work, the muscles in my neck began to tighten and I started feeling sick to my stomach. Too late! I was already on my way to work.
So I start doing my job, and of course I'm busy as hell. I'm doing everything I can to keep my neck straight and it's not really working since I have to constantly be looking down, and then up, then to the side, repeat.
So by the time I was two hours into my shift my neck was screaming at me. Not to be disgusting but the pain got to me so bad that I actually did get sick. My first reaction, after that, was to call Master to come pick me up and take me home.
However Master was not available immediately. So by the time He got back to me (He doesn't have a cell at this time) I was already half way through the work day. After popping a bunch of Tylenol and eating some crackers, I was starting to feel a bit better by that time. So I said that I would just finish out my shift.
It also doesn't help that my job is currently cracking down on how much overtime we do (read: how much time over our normally scheduled hours, not necessarily how much over 40 hours we do). So I couldn't really afford the time off work anyway.
By the time I got home from work my neck wasn't hurting as badly. It's mainly just tight and still sore. Master thinks I pulled a tendon in my neck or something of that nature.
Hopefully the healing process will speed the fuck up, because this is some bullshit.
My fibromyalgia is kicking my tail. Around noon today all of sudden the base of my skull and neck were throbbing with pain. If I tried to move my head forward at all it would get worse. So I've been trying to spend most of the day with my head tilted slightly up.
Then for a little while it got better. I had taken a long hot bath, put a heat wrap on it, and popped as much Tylenol as my stomach could handle. Ibuprofen really upsets my stomach, so I am staying away from it if I can. The last thing I want is to be in pain and throwing up.
Even though it was feeling better, I was taking it easy. Master knew I was in a lot of pain so He's been allowing me to relax and rest most of the day.
Then it came time for me to take my actual shower and get clean, shave, etc. So I hopped in and it felt so good. The hot water on my neck was very relaxing. Then I started to wash my hair. I was letting the shampoo/conditioner sit in my hair for a little while and started to shave. I can multi-task. I'm a big girl.
Yeah, my neck apparently felt that I was getting cocky. As I reached down to start shaving my legs, the pain shot up my neck into my head. So I slowly lifted my head and placed the razor down. I started rinsing my hair, again trying to take it slow. The pain was still throbbing in my head. I just thought that I would finish rinsing my hair and get out, and explain to Master why I didn't finish shaving afterward. When it comes to my health, He has always understood.
So, as I'm trying to rinse my hair the pain shoots up my neck again, and it doesn't stop. It's like this fucked up pulse of pain just going up from the side of my neck, around to the back, feeding itself into my skull.
Suddenly I can't see straight. Everything is fuzzy. I felt tears streaming down my face. I wasn't calm anymore. I shut off the water and knelt down in the tub, crying and making "I'm in pain!" noises.
I didn't even think to cry out to Master. I couldn't think at all. I was focusing to much on not falling face first into the water that was still in the tub while my eyes were closed and my equilibrium was totally fucked.
Apparently I didn't need to. Next thing I know Master is sitting on the toilet next to the bathtub, has the shower curtain pulled back and is asking me what happened. He's really good at keeping His voice calm. I find that helpful.
I explain what happened and He starts rubbing my neck, gently. I told Him that I hadn't finished rinsing my hair. Of all things for me to be concerned about.
He tells me to turn around. I'm sitting down in the tub at this point. So I do, and I'm keeping my eyes closed for the most part. He finished rinsing my hair and then tells me to sit there with the hot water running over me until I feel a little bit better.
He then shuts the shower curtain again and I start breathing in through my nose and out through my mouth.
Eventually the pain subsides to the point that I can see straight again and I get out of the tub.
I joined Master in the living room and am now dealing with a general dull throbbing pain with small, sharp, bursts in between every now and then.
I'm just hoping that this gets better by tomorrow morning. There is no way I can make it through an 8+ hour work day like this, but I also can't afford the time off of work. I'm still afraid to move my head a lot, so I'm pretty much keeping it still so I don't aggravate it.
Last night was a good pain night. Master and I retired to the bedroom and He had His way with me and I think He bruised my cervix. Is that possible? Cause it sure in the hell feels like it. Eh. Regardless, it hurt and I loved it. A lot. In fact He gave me permission to cry as He continued to push harder and deeper. *purrs* Love it.
Today, however, is a bad pain day. It's due to my damn fibromyalgia. I felt fine when I got up this morning. But now? Gods it feels like my right shoulder is gonna fall off. And at this point I wish it would. When ever the pain gets bad, like today, I'll ask Master to rip whatever part of my body is hurting off of me. And He always says no.
Master won't dismember me. *pout*
Then I'll ask Him to allow me to get a new body. Again He says no. Apparently He likes the one I have. Go figure.
Once Master picked me up from work we went home and He took care of the dog. I checked on a few things that I thought we needed around the apartment and then went on a few short errands. By the time I got home I could feel my shoulders getting worse and was just thankful to be able to get comfortable and stop carrying stuff.
We ate dinner and now Master is playing a video game and I'm well.. here obviously.
I just feel so sore and a little out of it because of it. I'm not on any prescriptions anymore. I got sick of that rather quickly shortly after I turned 18. So now I try to find ways to deal with this on my own. Like hot baths, massages from Master, and just basically trying to relax and strech as much as possible. At most I'll take a few Tylenol.
So that's pretty much about it for today. Short and to the point. Perhaps a little boring. But I can't sit at the computer very long right now.
