Is full disclosure expected in your relationship? How do you find it easiest to share the aspects of yourself that you normally would keep deep down inside? Do you ever find yourself wanting to censor yourself, and how do you move past that urge?
To be honest this took some doing. Don't get me wrong, I always wanted to be honest with Master. But you know how it is in new relationships. You still have some defensive walls up and some old wiring that needs to be chipped away at and rewired.
Add to that the fact that it didn't take long for us to start dabbling in this lifestyle after we first started dating. So that was new on top of new, ya know? And I won't say it was just on my end. I know Master was having similar things to overcome. After all, you're still trying to test the waters fully and see how things are going to pan out; whether or not the relationship will last.
Slowly but surely the walls started to come down, brick by brick. Over time more and more layers were peeled back and before I knew it Master could read me like an open book.
It felt wonderful. I didn't worry about what He would think of me if I told Him some of my deepest, darkest thoughts. While He was peeling back the layers I started to realize that it is best that way. If someone can't accept all of you, then they don't deserve to be with you.
So, yes I would say that full disclosure is expected and encouraged in our relationships. It's a two way street though. It's not like I'm just laying there with my throat exposed while He keeps all His thoughts and dark desires locked up inside of Him. I can't imagine Him knowing me so well, but not knowing Him to that depth as well. It wouldn't be fair, and I believe that after a while it would cause trust issues. At least for me it would.
My journals were the easiest way to lay it all out there in the beginning. It took time for me to be able to speak them out loud, face to face. I would write it all down in my journal, not really worrying about what the reaction would be because I didn't have to think about it right away. The reaction would be delayed as it would normally be a while before He would read my entries.
As that started to become easier I found myself able to talk about them as well. After all, if I can write it down knowing that He is going to read it, what was the difference in telling Him?
And here we are now. I still write my thoughts down here of course, but there isn't anything I write here that I couldn't say to Master's face. Nothing.
In regards to censoring myself with Master, I don't have that urge anymore. Of course I did for a while; like I said in a new relationship you are still figuring everything out. But after 8 1/2 years it's like the censor button is broken when we're alone. I mean, yes it's there when we're around other people, but when it's just the two of us there isn't anything I really worry about talking to Him about anymore. Sometimes it takes me a while to figure it out in my own head, but I think that's normal. After all, if I can't get it straight in my thoughts than the conversation isn't going to make any damn sense what so fucking ever. But I do have to say that I'm happy that we came to this point in our relationship/dynamic/marriage that we can say whatever we want about any topic and know that the other person isn't going to be judgmental.
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