30 Days of Truth - Day 1

I was over reading Vixen when I saw that she had borrowed an idea from Impy. It's called 30 Days of Truth. I thought it was a really interesting idea, so I decided I would play along as well! I know that Master will not allow them to be my daily blog posts, so I figured I could just add them to the beginning or end of the post or maybe just do them separately. Either way.

There doesn't seem to be any time limit or anything, so I'll start it off today.

Here are the days:

Day 01: Something you hate about yourself.
Day 02: Something you love about yourself.
Day 03: Something you have to forgive yourself for.
Day 04: Something you have to forgive someone for.
Day 05: Something you hope to do in your life.
Day 06: Something you hope you never have to do.
Day 07: Someone who has made your life worth living for.
Day 08: Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like shit.
Day 09: Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.
Day 10: Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.
Day 11: Something people seem to compliment you the most on.
Day 12: Something you never get compliments on.
Day 13: A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough ass days. (write a letter.)
Day 14: A hero that has let you down. (letter)
Day 15: Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.
Day 16: Someone or something you definitely could live without.
Day 17: A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.
Day 18: Your views on gay marriage.
Day 19: What do you think of religion- Or what do you think of politics-
Day 20: Your views on drugs and alcohol.
Day 21: (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do-
Day 22: Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.
Day 23: Something you wish you had done in your life.
Day 24: Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)
Day 25: The reason you believe you’re still alive today.
Day 26: Have you ever thought about giving up on life- If so, when and why-
Day 27: What’s the best thing going for you right now-
Day 28: What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do-
Day 29: Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.
Day 30: A letter to yourself, tell yourself EVERYTHING you love about yourself

So.. Day 1:  Something you hate about yourself.

I hate that I feel the need to double to triple check things sometimes. I really, really do hate that about myself. It drives me up a wall.

It's not everything. I don't have to double or triple check every little thing I do. But I have a good example. It's when I leave for work in the morning. I'll be all ready to walk out the door when I find myself triple checking things even though I'm 99% sure I did it.

I'll be damn near to the door and then I think to myself, "Okay did I shut the fridge?" I'll walk over there and push on it to make sure it's shut. I walk to the door again and find myself quickly walking back to push on it again. I then find myself shaking my head and getting irritated. It's shut damnit!

Then I'll make sure the computer chair is pushed all the way up to the computer desk. We do this so the dog can't try and climb up into it or use it to reach things on the shelf of the desk, things of that nature. So I'll double check that. Again, annoying as hell.

Finally it comes time to walk out the fucking door. I'll stand there, with the door shut and turn my key to lock the top lock. I lock the bottom lock by turning it before I shut the door. I can see myself turning the damn key. I hear it lock. But as I walk to the outside door I find myself second guessing myself. Did I really lock it? So I'll walk back to the door and jiggle the door handle. Yep. It's locked alright. I walk away again. There have been times where I have gotten out the outside door to just walk right back in to check the lock once more.

It's frustrating and I don't know why I do it. But it's an every work day occurrence. When Master and I are leaving together I don't think about it. We are both doing our thing and normally Master will lock the door while I stand there. I feel no need to double check things when that happens. I only feel the need to when I'm leaving by myself. Yes, I know I'm weird.

Okay, so Day 1 down! Yay me!