Cutting Myself Off

I know that I've touched on this topic in the past. And honestly, I'm not sure how much I went into it or what all I said. I don't really feel like digging through years of blogging to find out. So if this seems like a rerun, I apologize.

I've never been little Ms. Popularity. And I've never wanted to be. I liked either just being by myself or with a select group of people. When I first moved up here to be with Master I cut all ties with any friends I had from growing up. It wasn't an order on His part or anything like that. I had been slowly cutting people out of my life, one by one, for a couple of years before I met Master. So, I would say I started at about 18. I started to realize that I didn't like being pulled in different directions because "x" wanted to do this but "y" wanted to do that. I also realized that I didn't even really like the people I was hanging out with anymore. You know how it is, people change, especially during or right after highschool.

By the time I was 20 years old (which is how old I was when I met Master) I had one friend left. I had known her since third grade and up until about a year after I met Master she hadn't changed into a person I didn't recognize. Then she got this one particular boyfriend who decided he would introduce her to some things, namely drugs. And I don't mean harmless just having a little fun. No I mean like they would binge for a few days and only come back to sobriety because they couldn't afford to "stock up" for a while. It was pretty damn ugly. I tried to be a good friend, I really did. But I was wrong. I was trying to get her to break up with her boyfriend. I was mad because she was finally happy. At least that's what she told me. So yeah. A person can only take so much of that. A year is a long time. So I cut her out too.

But Master... well He came with His own circle of friends. They were built in.. But over the past eight and a half years they started to drop off for various reasons. And then some others would pop back in only to drop off. Some of it was because of the things they did or what they said. Other times it was because they were using us. There were many different reasons. The only similarity between any of the situations was that when the bridge was burned, that son of a bitch exploded. There wasn't even kindle left over.

We don't really hang out with friends anymore. The two we would want to hang around with don't live around here anymore. One is in Florida and the other is up north.

Everyone who is still here we don't even really talk to anymore. Part of it is because we don't try and the other part is because they don't either. *shrugs*

I basically am finding myself only wanting to spend time with Master and our families. That's it. I was never a social butterfly and apparently as I'm getting older it's becoming more apparent that I am not made out to be one. In fact I rather prefer not to be. I enjoy just having to split up my attention between Master, my family and His family. It's easier. Also? It's more enjoyable for me.

Then there is my blog. I love writing my posts and I love reading other blogs. I also enjoy interacting with people who read this blog. My blog is my social network I guess. Odd how in "real life" I don't really want to deal with anyone who isn't related to me in some way but on my blog I enjoy the interactions.

I'm an odd, complex and confusing specimen. I'll admit that.