Ask And You Shall Receive

Last week I was complaining to Master that even though we could use the extra money there didn't seem to be any extra work to do at my job, which meant no overtime. My job is extremely flexible on overtime, as long as it is warranted. I can stay a couple of hours extra if I have enough work to keep me busy. But if I were to just clock in and take my sweet ass time doing stuff, and run out of work before the end of my shift or something, then my supervisor would get a bit peeved.

Well apparently, someone besides Master heard my complaint. This week, there is plenty of work to do. It's like all of a sudden the work volume exploded.

Plus I talked to my supervisor today and he said that if it ever seems like there isn't enough work to warrant some overtime, just ask him or my trainer and they'd try and find something for me to do. My supervisor doesn't know the whole situation about my Husband being out of work currently. But he figures that as long as I am willing to work, he's willing to give me something to do. Well, within reason. It's not like I can work 4 hours extra each day.

But anyway...

I had Monday off, with a vacation day. And yesterday BC had to go to work early. So I went to work early as well. I ended up having a 10 hour day yesterday. Well, technically it was longer than that, but when you take lunch out... yeah 10 hour day.

Then today rolls around. And my supervisor says that we have to get completely caught up by Monday because he's implementing these new things to try and make us all more productive.

Well it's not all really new. Just after my trainer said we could split the work load evenly, today my supervisor told us that for the next three months I will be doing "x" and my coworker will be doing "y". That was how it was working for the past 6 months, like I said until recently. But hey, whatever. He thinks that because he's cracking the whip, my coworker may actually stop chatting on the phone most of the day and do her job. We shall see.

So I realized how much back log there was, due to my taking two days off, and also I'm sure because my coworker wasn't doing exactly what she was supposed to be doing. (I say that mainly because the back log started last Thursday, when I was there...)

I'm telling Master all this and how the supervisor is cracking the whip so to speak and He asks me if I want to stay late. I say, "But we're going grocery shopping..." and He said, "I know babe but we can do that after. They are open until 9pm or so."

I didn't really want to stay. I know, I just got done complaining last week that there was no overtime. But I am still tired from yesterday, and today was stressful. But hey, ya do what you gotta do. So I said, "Okay I'll stay for a while."

I filled up my mug with coffee, and now my right hand and wrist hurt thanks to how fast I was typing. (It's all data entry.) So today, I had a little over a 9 hour day.

My coworker said she would probably come in on Saturday to do some work. I doubt it. She hardly ever does when she says that. Plus she works that job, a part time job, and goes to college part time.

At the job I work with her at, she does her job for the most part, but it annoys me that she is constantly on the phone or talking to people in the office instead of being at her desk, doing what she is supposed to be doing. So I've started speaking up, to her, about it.

Plus I never saw the point in going in on the weekend unless it's absolutely necessary. I'd much rather clock in early, or leave late. Coming in on the weekend just means you're spending more in gas, and it's a lot easier to talk yourself out of it. You're home, you don't technically have to go in.. you know the drill.

We'll see how things are tomorrow before I decide whether I'll do it again tomorrow or not. I told Master I would prefer to take it day by day and gauge things as to whether or not I should stay. He said that was fine, and to just let Him know when He should pick me up from work.

Bbbrraaaiiinnnsss....

I feel like a zombie. Only, my limbs aren't falling off of me, and the bags under my eyes aren't quite that bad, yet.

Last night I knew I should get to bed at a half way decent hour. The only problem was that I wasn't tired. Not one bit. So Master and I stayed up a little late, talking and what not.

We retired to the bedroom and He claimed me. After He filled me with His cum, we had a cigarette, curled up and fell asleep. That was somewhere around 12:30 or 1am. I can't really remember which.

Either way, I woke up twice in the middle of the night to use the bathroom. So the little sleep I did get was broken up.

I woke up, amazingly, before my alarm went off. I had set it for 5am. I woke up at about 4:50am. Joy. It was pitch black outside. I didn't want to turn on the bedroom light, because I didn't want to wake Master up. But somehow I found some clothes, that matched, and stumbled my way into the living room. I got ready for work, got dressed, and then waited for BC to call. Unfortunately I didn't grab the phone on the first ring.

He called at about 5:10am. He was early. But thankfully I was ready anyway. It doesn't take me long to get ready in the morning. I brush my teeth, I brush my hair, I put on deodorant, I get dressed and boom. I'm ready.

I take my bath/shower at night. If I shower twice a day my skin becomes incredibly dry and my eczema acts up horribly. :-(

As I was about to walk out the door I noticed that the bathroom light was on. Master was standing there, taking a leak. He was very obviously not awake. So I stood in the doorway, making sure to make enough noise so that He knew I was there, said that I love Him. He mumbled something back that I think was "I love you too." *giggles*

BC and I were practically silent on the drive to work. It was, of course, still dark out. It felt like we were driving in the middle of the night. Like I had never actually gone to bed. Everything was fuzzy.

He dropped me off in front of my office building and I went inside. None of the main lights were on yet. Those don't turn on until 7am. So I turned on the light on my desk, and clocked into to work. I got an extra two hours in. Rock on.

It was a good thing I had gone in early. We were behind on some work apparently. So I knocked a lot of that out.

My coworker was late coming in. *shrug* No big deal to me.

Our trainer decided that she was going to rearrange our workloads. It is now split down the middle. For the past 6 months I had been taking on the brunt of it, to make sure I could keep up with the fast paced environment. My trainer and my supervisor are both impressed on how well I handled it. But now, they felt it was time to let it go back to 50/50.

Master picked me up from work. By that time I had been up for 12 hours. It is now 8pm. I'm one tired girl.

Master cooked dinner and we watched a movie.

We're both stiff and sore. The sudden drop in temperature is not helping. Note to self: Find a warm top for tomorrow. It's supposed to be a high of 56 degrees.

I am trying like hell to not take a nap, so that I will actually sleep tonight and get myself back onto some semblance of a sleep schedule. That is, until the weekend when a sleep schedule is laughable because I want to stay up late with my Hubby and sleep in because damnit that's what weekends are for!

Random Ideas

Today has been pretty low key. We stayed at home all day, and have been watching documentaries. One was on dinosaurs. Another was on Sam Kinison, you know, the comedian. And the last one was on Wisconsin, which was pretty damn amusing.

So yes, today has been extremely low key. I have greatly enjoy my four days off of work. And while on the one hand I wish I didn't have to go back to work tomorrow, I know I can't afford to squander away another vacation day.

So off to work with me in the morning. Or actually, before the sun even rises. You see BC needs to be to work by 6am. And honestly, I could use the little bit of extra cash on my paycheck as well, so I asked if he would still be willing to carpool with me and pick me up. He said that wasn't a problem. So I'll be getting up before the sun rises tomorrow. I should be one tired Kitten by the time I get home. That is, if I'm not so hopped up on coffee that I am annoyingly hyper.

This evening, while we were just relaxing and talking about whatever came to mind Master brought up how He'd like to do photography for a living. And I don't mean the type where you take personal portraits. He really wants to do nature photography or portraits of people's pets. I think it's a wonderful idea and I know He's wanted to do this for a long time.

He's talked about it on and off through out the years of our relationship. It's just that we've never had the start up cash for Him to start up His own business. It's not cheap.

I found websites that said you can receive government grants to start-up a business. We got very excited. That is until I did some more searching and was slapped with many websites saying that the government does not give out grants to start up a business, and that any website saying that they are available is a scam that is either attempting to collect your personal information or charge you money to have access to their database of bullshit.

*sigh*

But it's still a wonderful dream, one that we hope to pursue. We just aren't sure how to get it off the ground.

He would be the photographer. I would be the secretary/assistant/accountant. It would be run by us. We really wouldn't need any other employees. That is, unless it took off and we couldn't handle it all on our own.

It would be easier if we owned a house. Because then we could set up the studio in one part of the house, and wouldn't have to worry about renting a studio. But alas, we are in an apartment.

I know there are low interest small business loans out there. But I don't know how expensive they would be, or how quickly we would need to pay it back. But hey, it is something to look into.

I am still excited about it. It would give me an excuse to design a website for it! With a domain name, a personalized e-mail address... or the nerd in me is drooling over all of that.

I'm not saying that I would quit my job for this. It would be my second job.

But as I told Master there is no way we'd get this all started over night. It would be a slow process, but it's something to look into.

All Over The Place

Master and I slept in until about 11:30am. We got ready for our day and then headed out the door. We went down to my mother's for a while. My brother was there as well, with his two boys. Oh. My. Gods. That man needs to start disciplining my nephews. That's all I'm gonna say about that.

My mom asked him to get going around 2pm. He had already been there for a few hours and although she loves her grandchildren, they were driving her up a damn wall.

So then Master and I chilled and relaxed, catching up and all that. From there we went to His mother's house. He picked up a bracelet His mother had gotten Him. We talked for a little while and then headed out because they were having friends over for dinner, and we still had not eaten.

We went home, to our apartment, and put away some things that we had picked up. Then I went to the grocery store and bought brats and polish sausage, which is what we had for dinner.

While we ate dinner we watched The Fisher King. I love that movie!

Now? We're relaxing and just trying to enjoy the evening although our muscles and joints are messing with us. Boo.

Lazy Day

Last night Master and I didn't get to bed until about 2am. We then had sex, curled up and promptly passed out.

Today Master told me it was time to get up around 12:30pm. It felt so good to sleep in that late! We relaxed for a little while and then Master sent me out to pick up soda. Once I got back I helped Him with His lotion for His tattoos, and we relaxed a little longer. We decided we should stop being so lazy and go get the rabbit food that we needed.

So we did that, and came home. We had pizza for dinner and watched My Boss' Daughter. I love that movie.

Now? Yeah. More laziness. Lazy, lazy, lazy. It's the word of the day. Tomorrow we are going to go visit my mother and then on the way home stop at His mother's house.

We need a new brake light for the car. Joy and rapture. Thankfully tail lights aren't that expensive. Yay!

So yeah not a lot to report.

I took a benadryl today, so I've been kind of hazy all day long. Those things mess with me, but it's better than having your nose dripping and a bad sinus headache. So I guess it's a necessary evil.

We still have no idea what the hell is going on with LN. I had e-mailed his wife to see if she knew what was going on, because I am seriously at a loss. I mean even if LN is pissed at Master due to a comment He made, what does that have to do with me? I didn't join in. And yet he's pissed off at me as well. Guilt by association I'm assuming.

She hasn't written me back. I don't know if she's going to or not. *shrugs* Like I told Master, I'm not about to lose any sleep over this.

After all I've only been complaining about this guy and his wife for a good three years now. So it's no skin off my nose. I mean, I'd at least like to know why he's throwing a hissy fit... but if he doesn't feel like he owes us an explanation, then he was never really our friend anyway.

Someone said, "Well he was your best man at your wedding. Don't you think you should try and mend this?"

Um. No. No I do not.

So what if he was our best man? We needed a witness. He signed the marriage license. That does not mean I have to pander to him. It does not mean that I have to try and fix anything. I am not one of those people that feels that the amount of time spent with a friend should equal out to forgiveness. I look at it as I do most relationships, you don't want to put effort into it? Well then fuck you too. And I wash my hands of it.

I had a friend from the time I was in 3rd grade until I was 21 years old. She got this nasty boyfriend and started doing heavy drugs and not taking care of herself. I asked her to stop, to get some help. I offered to help her. She said I was crazy, didn't know what I was talking about. I washed my hands of her. Granted it was after about two years of trying to help her, and putting up with that shit.

She has tried getting in contact with me again over the past five years. I have never responded. Some people say I am cold because of such things. But I don't need drama, and I don't care to pander to anyone who apparently has no respect for me. So I cut it off. It may be hard sometimes, but I always manage to do it.

Much like Master. Master has this whole "three strike" rule going on. You fuck Him over three times (and I don't mean minor things, they have to be pretty major) and you're out. It's like baseball, but without the huge paycheck.

Me? I usually want to cut it off the first time. But I do usually give it a few times before I wash my hands of the person and/or situation.

Some people have told me I will end up a very lonely person if I keep doing that. My response? I'd rather be lonely then be surrounded by people who want to stab me in the back.

I'm kind of a loner anyway. I don't attempt to really make new friends. In fact, my only friends are the circle of people that came with Master. I have none left from when I was growing up, and I do not regret that.

I guess it's a wall I put up between myself and most people. It's a form of protecting myself. I've been fucked over a lot in the past, one way or another. The only people I actually trust completely are my Husband and my mother. Everyone else I try to keep at an arm's length distance. That includes my father, my brother, and my uncle. My father has proven himself to not be very responsible. My brother, well him and I don't get along all of the time. And when we do, it's fine. But I don't share a lot of things with him. My uncle? Well, he's a little nuts. Okay, more than a little.

That's not to say that if my dad were to pass away, that I wouldn't be upset. I love my father. But his life choices are not something I can fully agree with. Same with my brother and uncle.

Wow, this post turned out kind of weird. It's amazing what comes out when you just let your fingers walk across the keyboard without really thinking about what you're typing.

Hissy Fits Can Be So Damn Amusing

Oh yes, yes they can.

And no, I wasn't the one throwing the hissy fit. I'm behaving myself. Mostly.

Anyway, we are on a social networking site. And LN and his wife MN are on it as well. And because we are (were?) friends with them in person, we were friends with them on the website. Well Master had made some smart ass joke towards LN on said website. There was no response. But hey whatever. Like I said, it was just a joke. A joke that poked at the truth mind you. But we are the type of people that if we don't pick on you, you know we don't like you. We crack jokes, and we poke fun. And our friends? They do it right back. You give as good as you get type thing. And everyone knows that we are fucking around. We have always been this way.

And Master and LN have (had?) been friends for over a decade. So let's just say, this is nothing new.

So anyway, this morning Master and I got up and went into the living room. We both checked our e-mails and what not and we noticed, hey... LN isn't our friend on the website anymore. WTF? We figured it was a glitch of some kind. Whatever. So Master contacts MN (LN's wife) and asks what's up. She has no fucking clue. She said she found the joke Master had said yesterday funny as hell. So we let it roll. We figure that once LN gets home he'll fix it. No biggie.

Well shortly there after Master logs into His Xbox live account. He gets a hunch and checks His friends list on there. Yeah. LN removed Him as a friend on there too.

Suddenly it clicked. LN was throwing a hissy fit. Fucker. Instead of saying something, or telling us something was bothering him, whether it be a joke or something else... ya know whatever... he throws a fit and removes us as friends. Dickless wonder.

So we get home tonight and MN had left Master a message online saying that LN expected a phone call sooner or later. So Master replied back with something along the lines of LN is the one who has the problem and didn't want to talk about it and be an adult. His hands aren't broken. It always as to be LN's way or no way, and so we aren't catering to him this time.

So we shall see how this plays out.

Master is wondering if it is all due to this joke, or if he found the sword he gave us for sale on a website posted by us. Well first off, it's now our sword. We can do what the fuck we want with it. And the story he gave us about it was utter bullshit. We found that out by having it appraised. He has given away and or sold things we have given him. We never said a word, because we gave it to him, it was his to do with what he wanted. No big deal.

But I think it's the joke. I think he has thin skin, and was drunk and decided.. "Ya know what.. fuck those guys."

I'll give updates, if there are any. Why? Oh.. just because I have a feeling this is going to get amusing.

Okay It's Fall, But Not Really

Okay, so yeah. The first day of fall was on Tuesday. It is now Thursday, and it doesn't really feel like fall, yet. It's muggy as hell. The weather man promised rain and storms, but didn't really deliver. It must be the best job in the world. You get paid to be wrong 95% of the time. Rock on.

Master had insomnia last night, so He stayed up while I curled up and went to sleep. BC picked me up and took me to work. We talked about his upcoming trip with his girlfriend. They are leaving tomorrow to go up north and celebrate his birthday. He's turning 33 on Monday. Lucky him, he gets to go to doctor appointments on his birthday to get lab test results. Joy for him. Poor guy.

Work was slow and was going pretty good until almost the end of the day. Then our supervisor got a bug up his ass because someone complained that they hadn't received something by a certain point in time. Um, dude. Seriously, everything is caught up. We have no idea what the hell this person's problem is. But I found that rude. Instead of coming to myself or my coworker and asking, "Do you guys have this?" they went straight to the supervisor, who ever it was.

So my coworker and I weren't the happiest people in the world right then. But whatever. Someone had a bug up their ass, and so in turn but a bug up my supervisor's ass. You know, sharing is caring and all that happy horse shit.

Master picked me up from work. I have the next four days off. Rock on. And I'm going to get some overtime in on Tuesday. That is, if there is work to do. BC has to be to work by 6am that day, so I asked if I could still carpool with him so I could hopefully get another hour or two of work in. He said that wasn't a problem.

Master and I had dinner and watched a comedy special on Netflix. Now Master is kicking butt in His video game. The one He is currently playing is called "Viking: The Battle For Asgard". He seems to like it.

We don't really have any concrete plans for the next four days, but I don't care because I get to sleep in! Yay!

I feel.... sleepy. But I'm not really tired. Also my right nipple piercing hurts right now. It seems that wearing a sports bra is not a good idea while having nipple piercings. It pushed my piercing into my nipple and I accidentally banged it on a corner of a cubicle wall. Yeah, I'm graceful. So now it's sore. :-(

I have been putting wound wash in it just to try and make sure it doesn't get infected somehow. Other than that, I'm just being very careful. It doesn't feel like I tore anything. It basically feels that due to the piercing being mashed into my skin, it has rubbed some skin away. I think it a couple of days it'll be just fine. It's not inflamed or anything. Just sore.

Blah,Blah,Blah

Yeah. I didn't have a title in mind. Can you tell? I can.

Last night Master and I had sex. There was no pain! Hooray! We both were a bit nervous about it, to be honest. After that last time, I was afraid I wouldn't be able to finish. And He was afraid of me getting very ill, again.

We started off on our sides. That seems the least... demanding position we could think of. But for whatever reason I don't get off very easily in that position. So I told Master this, and said that I would rather be used for His pleasure.

He bit and nipped me as He claimed me. He then had me roll onto my stomach. I crossed my legs and bucked my hips. It was amazing. I was still not allowed to cum because I had asked to be used. After He filled me, I cleaned Him off, scented myself, and we laid there talking for a little while before curling up and going to sleep.

I got up this morning and went to work. BC was running a little late, but we made it on time. Work went dreadfully slow. It figures that most of the past two weeks have been very fast paced, and then today... would drag.

Master picked me up from work and we went home. He had me slip into a silk black robe because BC was stopping by. He had been storing some things here and he wanted to pick them up. He also had a surprise for us.

He brought us an Angus skull. Master used to have a buffalo skull that He had painted an awl onto. Unfortunately that skull broke. So when BC saw the Angus skull, he decided to get it for Master.

It is currently hanging on our living room wall. I don't know if Master will paint an awl on this one, if we were to get our hands on some paints.

We watched a movie and ate dinner. We have been relaxing since then. The movie was called, "The War of the Roses". It was pretty good. Thanks to Netflix we see a lot of movies we normally wouldn't be able to.

Today was my 6 month mark at work. I'm still enjoying my job, for the most part. But as with any job there are somethings that will irk you. I work tomorrow and then I have a four day weekend.

Since today seemed to take forever I feel a little worn out, or worn down. There is a difference. I'm just not sure which it is. I'm leaning towards worn down.

But I think a nice hot bath and some more time with Master will perk me right up.

I Made It Through Work

Last night after the blowjob, and some more relaxing in the living room, Master and I retired to the bedroom. We curled up and fell asleep.

This morning when the alarm went off Master woke up as well. So we talked for a little while as I got ready for work and waited for BC to pick me up. He told me to pick up another Sierra Mist on the way to work and take some crackers with me, just in case.

I felt fine all day. The only bad thing was that I got one hell of a headache around 11am. But I think that was due to the rain more then anything else.

When I got out of work Master picked me up. It was a crazy day at work. Everyone is getting geared up for the business to move to it's new location at the end of November. That week, when it finally happens, is going to suck. Sometime in about mid November I want to do another drive out there, just to make sure I know how to get to work.

We went home, had dinner, and I took my bath. I put on an outfit and have been relaxing while Master plays His video game.

A friend of our's, ST, called. He's not doing well. He is a diabetic and the doctor's say that the circulation in both of his feet are almost completely gone. He will most likely have to have both feet removed within the year. Our thoughts are with him. I cracked a few jokes and tried to get him to cheer up a bit.

We don't have any updates on KB, because Master's mother has not called. We didn't want to call her in case she was busy or was sleeping. We both know she hasn't been sleeping well. But we are assuming that no news is good news. To the best of our knowledge KB has been moved from ICU to the regular cardiac care. They are still running tests to see if he needs surgery. That was the news we got late yesterday evening.

Tomorrow marks my 6th month at my job. Yay!

That's really all the news I have at the moment.

My Body Hates Me

Seriously. My body fucking hates me.

Last night I was feeling great. Master and I retired to the bedroom a bit late because we had stayed up to talk for a little while.

When we went to bed, I had a very sexy outfit on, and had my hair up loosely. I looked great, if I do say so myself. Apparently Master agreed because He immediately started playing with me and I stroked His cock. Then He entered me. It was going great.

That is until I raised my legs to wrap around His hips and suddenly the cramps from hell attacked. It was out of no where. I had no idea why there were starting. I'm at least two weeks away from starting my period.

Master pulled out because I was actually making bad noises. He knows I have a high pain tolerance, so He knew that these cramps were not the kind He likes to inflict.

I sat up and was still stroking His cock, hoping that after some deep breathing the cramps would go away and I could at least suck His cock. But no. It didn't turn out that way.

The cramps became worse and I was starting to get shaky. Master had me stop stroking Him and told me to go take a tylenol. I also asked if I could hop in the bathtub. Normally, when cramps like this hit, no matter the reason, a hot bath helps. He said yes.

There was to be no sex that night.*sigh*

I climbed into the hot bath and was doing my deep breathing  exercises to get through the pain. My hair was still up thankfully, because before I could react I felt that all to familiar feeling of having to throw up. The bathroom door was open, and I didn't have the time to close the door. I had just enough time to flip the toilet lid up and get my head over it.

I felt horrible about leaving the door open. Here I was, half in the tub, hovering over the toilet. Oh so attractive.

Whenever I get sick like this I get incredibly shaky. To the point that I can't really control it. I was barely keeping myself up. Master was standing outside the bathroom door watching me. Apparently my shaking was getting worse, because the next thing I knew He was sitting on the side of the tub, with one arm hooked under me and wrapping around my chest, holding me up as I continued to get sick.

Finally, when I was done, He eased me back into the tub and handed me some toilet paper so I could blow my nose. I had been crying while I was getting sick. Oh yes, I must have been the picture of beauty. *cringe*

Master sat with me for a while. I remember saying that I was sorry for not closing the bathroom door. He said He was glad I didn't because before He had grabbed me it looked like I was about to hit my head on the toilet.

He let me lay down in the bathtub. He checked in on me every now and again as I waited for the cramps to die down. Finally they did. He was laying in bed. He told me to get some rest and I curled up with one of the teddy bears He has given me over the years.

This morning when the alarm went off for me to go to work. I felt okay. I mean, I didn't feel like I was going to be sick anymore. I just felt somewhat weak. So when BC picked me up to take me to work, he stopped at the gas station so I could get some sierra mist, to try and make sure my stomach settled. But as soon as we got on the highway, my stomach started rolling again.

Shortly after I got to my desk and clocked in, I threw up again. Thankfully I made it to the bathroom. Master called me shortly there after and I told Him. He told me to tell my supervisor I needed to go home. He wanted me to come home and get some rest so I didn't make myself worse.

He picked me up. I was at work a total of an hour and a half. But at least I tried.

When we got home I ate light. But at least I had something in my stomach. I haven't gotten sick again. I took about a three hour nap. I've been eating saltine crackers, drinking water, and flat soda all day.

By about 7pm I was feeling much better. I felt horrible about last night. I know I couldn't help it. But gods damnit... getting ill like that in the middle of sex is not cool at all. So I gave Master a blow job. He told me I didn't have to. I told Him I was feeling better and wanted to. So He allowed it.

He's been taking very good care of me. I will be going to work tomorrow. Having most of today unpaid is already going to hurt the paycheck. No way can I afford another day off of work. I'll be bringing some crackers to work with me.

Long Weekend

Today after Master and I got up we got ready for the day, and Master called His mother. She said that she was at the hospital with KB, so Master said we would stop by a little later.

First we went grocery shopping, and then picked up a get well soon card for KB. We came home, put away the groceries, took care of the dog, and then headed back out.

The hospital that KB is at is enormous. But eventually we figured out how to get back up to his room. He is still in ICU, but he seems pretty good. He's just really tired. He says that he's not in any pain, so he's not on any pain killers. They still are not sure as to whether or not he will require open heart surgery. He will be on medication for the rest of his life though. We stayed for about a half hour. KB was nodding in and out of sleep, so we decided to let him rest.

When we got back home I talked to my mother and listened to all of the family drama on that side of the fence. Fun, fun, fun.

After that Master made dinner and we watched a movie. It was a Robin Williams movie called "Toys". That.... is a fucked up movie. I enjoyed it, I think.

I took my bath and put on an outfit and I actually found one of my hair ties so I put my hair up! Master was shocked by this. I hardly ever put my hair up, because if I leave it up to long I get bad headaches. But I flipped the tail part of it behind the hair tie and pulled it through, like I used to when I was like.. 13 or 14. I'm hoping that will keep the headaches away, because now the hair tie won't be right up against my head, adding pressure.

If it works, I just may do it more often. I'm so bored with my hair it's not even funny. I'm not allowed to dye it. I don't want to cut it either. It just finally got long again. Bah. I don't know what to do with it.

So anyways, we don't know how much longer KB will be in the hospital. I'm sure that'll be decided once they determine whether or not he requires surgery.

Deity

I have seen quite a few posts over my years of reading blogs that have talked about how slaves need their Master to be a God. That they can not show weakness or flaws. That they can not apologize, even if they are "wrong". Things of that nature.

To be perfectly honest, I used to think that way. I thought I wanted my Master to be flawless, to show no weakness, to never say He was sorry to me... even if it was what I needed to hear.

Now I realize that was part of the fantasy that isn't so great once you put it into a realistic situation, at least for me.

I need Master to apologize if it is needed. I need Him to allow me to see His flaws.. His mistakes. I need to see it all. No matter how raw it is.

Why do I need to see these things? Because if I don't, I'll feel like He is hiding something. I'll feel that He is not being honest with me. And I'll feel like there is a wall between us. A wall that will prevent me from wanting to submit, because I'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Master makes mistakes. He fucks up sometimes. Just like I do. Because that is the nature of being alive. We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. And for me to try and put Him on a pedestal, well... all that would happen would be the first flash of reality to hit me and for that pedestal to crumble and I don't know how I would react to that.

I'd rather be allowed inside His head, to know His thoughts, His fears, His worries. I want to know all of it. Not just the good. I want to know the bad and the ugly as well. Just as He has torn me open and read my mind like a well used book, I want that same raw honesty from Him.

Over the years that has gotten easier for both of us. For quite some time both of us tried to keep certain things away from one another. The darker things. The worries, the pain, the dark thoughts. But it didn't last long. We decided we didn't want to play those games anymore. And so we don't.

I told Master last night that I am glad He is man enough to apologize, if He needs to. I told Him that when I first met Him and we first started dating, I didn't think He'd be the type of guy to go, "Look. I fucked up. I know I fucked up, and I'm sorry."

He asked me why I had thought that. I told Him I wasn't sure. Maybe it was His bad ass exterior? I'm not sure. But I was quickly shown that I was wrong. And I was pleasantly surprised.

I understand why some slaves want to put their Master into a god like view. But I don't want the rose colored glasses version of my mate. I want it all. I need it all. And thankfully, Master is willing to provide it.

I can only imagine how tough that would be. To have worries, doubts, thoughts, pain, etc.. and not be able to talk about them with the person you care for, because it might destroy their image of you. That must be incredibly frustrating. Or at least it would be for me. Maybe some people would rather not share. *shrugs* What do I know?

Oh What A Day..

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom and He claimed me before we both curled up and went to sleep. He only got up for about an hour last night. Perhaps His insomnia is slowly going away. We can hope.

I got up this morning and went to work. It was my half day, and the four hour work day went by quickly, for which I was thankful.

Master picked me up from work and we went to the antique store where we had tried to sell the sword we have, and also where we found out it was a replica. The reason why we went back is because while we had been there Master had found a beautiful necklace with a bloodstone pendant in the shape of a large mammal's tooth that He wanted. At the time we didn't have the money for it. Well today was pay day and so we went and it was still there, much to our surprise. So He now owns it. I was very touched when He told me that the reason why He wanted it was because it was my birthstone, and so it meant something to Him. *swoon* It's gorgeous!

From there we went home for a few hours and then had a late lunch. While we were eating His mother called my cell phone. I answered the phone and I could barely understand her. Not only was she crying, but the reception was cutting in and out.

Come to find out that her fiance, KB, had been at work and had a heart attack. He was rushed to the hospital, and that is where she was. So Master and I went to the hospital. It took some time to locate where they were exactly.

KB was being transferred from the emergency room into the ICU. In that short period of time they had already put in stints. It will need open heart surgery soon. How soon? We're not sure yet. It may be tomorrow. So once he was set up in the ICU, the three of us went to his room and kept him company. I was honestly a bit surprised that they let Master and myself in, since it was the ICU and we are not family.

His mother was a wreck. We did our best to try and calm her down and get a hold of herself so she could deal with the situation and be strong for KB.

Unfortunately while we there my stomach got upset. I hadn't felt well most of the morning, and then was when my body decided it wanted to fully act up. So I was in the bathroom for a good 20 minutes. I had asked Master to watch my purse when I excused myself. Eventually He got worried, and apparently went to find me.

So when I walked out of the bathroom He was waiting there. I'm not sick. But apparently my stomach can not handle Coke-a-Cola anymore.

We went back to KB's room. KB was drifting in and out of sleep. We knew he needed his rest. So we told my mother-in-law that we were going to leave so we wouldn't disturb him and so she could make some more phone calls to his family that are in a different state.

So now we have to be by the phones constantly. We told her to call if they need anything. We don't get along with Master's mother, but this is an emergency situation. And KB, while he has his flaws.. and many of them.. he's generally a good guy.

So that is where we stand at the moment. On alert. On stand-by. Master and I are trying to relax while we can in case something does go down and we have to rush out the door. We don't want to be falling asleep in the middle of a hospital or unable to respond if they need something.

Unwinding

Today work went pretty well. It went by at a decent rate, and my coworker was actually pleasant today. It was somewhat surreal.

Last night Master went to bed and curled up with me around 11:30pm. I am very happy to report that He slept the entire night! Whoo-hoo! No wonder I feel so refreshed today. It has been about two weeks since He's slept the whole night through with me in bed.

It's not like I consciously know that He isn't there. But some how my body must know, because whenever He tells me the next day that He got up in the middle of the night and couldn't go back to sleep for about four or five hours.. I look at Him and go, "No wonder I don't feel rested."

It's weird, don't you think?

But today, I had no way of really knowing that He slept the whole night until He told me. And this morning I had woken up feeling well rested and relaxed. Hopefully that happens more often.

I am really enjoying the book that I am reading, that I quoted from in yesterday's post. I'm glad that I finally decided to read it. I don't know why I was so hesitant about it before.

Right now I feel relaxed and although my shoulders and back are bothering me, I feel rather content as well.

Oh! Also, I have this piece of bloodstone that Master gave me a few years ago. I love bloodstones. It is one of my birthstones, the other being aquamarine. I'm a March baby.

I told Master that I would love to find a way to have this piece of beautiful bloodstone turned into a pendant. A pendant large enough to fit onto my Eternity collar. I don't want it to become a permanent fixture to the collar, just something I can slide onto it. However, this is just a lose piece of bloodstone. I wish I could afford to have it made into a pendant somehow. But I'm also afraid that even if I could afford to have it done, that the piece would be ruined while it was being created. I would be devastated.

It is hard to find a good piece of bloodstone. Most of them don't have as many red flecks and/or veins in them as this particular piece does.

I want it with me, but I am afraid to carry it around lose like it is. *sigh* I would be so sad if I lost it. One day I'll figure it out. For now it is kept safe in a trinket box.

I've thought about collecting various bloodstones. They aren't that expensive. Perhaps one day I will be able to start that collection. What I would do with said collection, I'm not sure. But one thing is certain, it would be a beautiful collection.

Today Was Not My Day

Today was not my day, at all.

I slept okay. Master's insomnia is still with Him, so He did not go to sleep with me last night. But I slept better then I usually do when He's not in bed. However, for some stupid reason when the alarm went off, I felt extremely tired. Like I barely wanted to move.

But I made myself. I sat up, and like I usually do, went to lean in and kiss Master. This time it was on His shoulder blade because He was laying on His side, facing away from me, fast asleep. As I did this it was like gravity pushed me (I still have no idea what the hell caused me to do this) and instead of kissing His shoulder blade my head like thumped against Him and I hurt my nose.

He, however, didn't even grumble. I don't think He felt it at all. So as I'm cursing softly to myself and rubbing my nose I got out of bed, opened the closet doors, and pulled out the clothes I wanted to wear to work today.

Apparently, I woke up more of a klutz then I usually am, because when I went to close the closet doors I accidentally slammed them shut. That did wake Master up a little. He grumbled, rolled over, and went back to sleep.

So I sighed, and went and finished getting ready for the day. I was not even fully awake by the time BC picked me up to take me to work. That feeling stayed with me at work. The feeling that I just could not wake up. I felt sluggish.

Work was stressful today. This week has been extremely busy at work and I think that may be part of what is causing me to be so damn tired. Add to that the fact that my fibromyalgia is deciding to flare up and say hello to me... yeah. Not a good day. For those of you who would like to know about fibromyalgia, you can see more about it here.

Finally the end of the work day came about and I hopped on a bus. Master met me at the bus stop and we walked home together, which again.. was very nice and I appreciated the company.

Once we were home I washed the dishes and Master made dinner. We watched Wolverine Origins, and then Master had me take my bath.

Once my bath was done, I put on a nightie and knelt at Master's chair. He told me to go do my post.

I'm currently reading a book called Animals by John Skipp and Craig Spector. Master has raved about it for about as long as I've known Him. We recently found the book and ordered it online. Master read it again, and it has since been sitting on our headboard. I decided to give it a try. I'm only three chapters into it, but I enjoy it so far.

Does anyone remember how I said I used to suffer from depression and every now and then I find myself having to push those familiar feelings/thoughts away?

Well in this book that I'm reading there is a paragraph that sums that feeling of fighting it off rather nicely.

I'll share it with you.

"What was even scarier, depression came on like your best drinkin' buddy and oldest, dearest friend - the only one who really knew you, would tell you the honest truth about yourself."

That is exactly how fighting depression off feels. Like you're trying to break away from an old friend who at first you think really knows you, that allows you an insight to yourself you wouldn't other wise have.. but is actually there to tear you down without you even realizing it.

Thankfully over the years, I've become familiar with what that onset feels like and I can catch it rather early on and shake it off. Master helps me with these things. He forces me to talk about it. He listens to me. He keeps me active. Things of that nature.

Without Him I don't know if I'd be able to fight that feeling as effectively as I do. At least not as consistently as I do.

Just Here

I'm just kinda here at the moment.

Last night Master and I stayed up a little late and watched a Lisa Lamponelli special. Fucking hilarious. So needless to say, I was up past my bedtime.

When I got up to get ready for work, Master was already awake and on the computer. His insomnia is still kicking His tail. :-(

So while I was getting ready for work, Master and I got to talk for a little while. I couldn't help but cop a feel as I was walking out the door. *smirks*

BC took me to work and I asked him how his job interview went. He told me how things are with his girlfriend and what not. He was more talkative then he has been in about a week or so.

Work started off nicely, and then right after my lunch break it was like everyone decided to order what they needed right then and there. So it got hectic, and my coworker left early... again.

Master picked me up from work today. I stayed dressed when we got home because someone was coming over to look at a sword we have for sale. He ended up deciding not to purchase it, which sucks.. but.. not much we can do about it.

From there we had dinner and I watched America's Got Talent on the computer. Shortly there after I ran to the grocery store and got us soda.. for free. Gotta love coupons.

Now Master and I are trying to relax. I'll be glad when it's next week, because I'll have a four day weekend! Whoo-hoo! I think that may be why this week is dragging. I know I have two vacation days coming up. Not that we're going anywhere. It'll just be nice to be home for four days and not have to set the alarm.

I hate alarm clocks, but it's the only way I'm going to get up at 6:45am.

My mind is pretty much a blank right now.

Warning: This Blog Post Is Pretty Damn Random

You have been warned.

Okay I'm going to try to make it less random by placing portions of this post into sections. Although seriously, the topics have nothing to do with one another.

First.. Sex.

Last night Master and I retired to the bedroom. I had put on one of my personal favorites. It is long, and flowy... I love it. Master apparently also loves it. When He saw me come out of the bathroom wearing it (I had just gotten out of the shower) He smiled. When I knelt at His feet and had to gather the bottom of it in my hands He said, "Now that's My proper girl." Which of course made me blush. Damn Him for being like the only person alive who can make me blush.

We eventually retired to the bedroom. I was extremely sensitive from the night before. He played with me for a little bit and it was like my entire body was leaping to His touch. I couldn't help myself! As we were fucking He talked dirty to me, and had me respond in kind. Then, I begged for Him to put me in the slave rape position. (Me, on my stomach. Him on top of me, with my legs open, His legs hooked into mine forcing them apart, and Him pinning me to the bed.)

Now in this position I am not allowed to cum. He pinned me down and ordered me not to move. This is very fucking difficult. Seriously! Normally, even when He has me pinned and I can barely move I can toss my head or buck my hips a bit. Most of the time this sort of thing is involuntary and so I had to concentrate the entire time on not moving.

At one point, as His sweat was dripping all over me, which is like.. the hottest thing for me during sex... He said, "Toy, I told you not to move. You just bucked your hips." I froze, and I think I stopped breathing for a minute. I could have sworn I was laying perfectly still. But I know Master isn't the type to say that just to fuck with me. Well, at least He hasn't in the past. *laughs*

So I quickly start apologizing as soon as I was able to breath again. I told Him that I swear I didn't mean to! He said He understood and told me to make sure it didn't happen again. So I like place my body on complete lock down mode. Even when He is pressing on my hip and shoulder with His hands to the point where my face is going into the mattress, and I can barely breath out of my nose (I couldn't out of my mouth, thank you very much bedsheets) I refused to move. I could still breath enough to where I wasn't going to pass out. I was fine. Lock down! It was very difficult but I did it! Master filled me with His cum and after He pulled out and laid next to me He gave me pets and I think I started to melt. But it was after I had cleaned Him off and I rested my head against His sternum and He started telling me how good I've been, and He's noticed how attentive of a slave I've been lately, that I felt completely at peace.

I was a very happy girl. He scented me, we split a cigarette, and then we curled up and I passed out shortly there after.

Okay.. second subject. Work.

Work was hectic as hell today. I came in to a pile of work waiting for me thanks to people who apparently have no home life and camp out there on the weekends. *laughs* But I got through it and although the work kept growing as the day went on... at least time went by rather quickly. What did suck was the fact that they had to shut down the computer programs I use, for maintenance, and so I took my lunch early so I wouldn't get more backlogged by maintenance down time and then a 45 minute lunch. Blah. I hate fucking with that routine. But hey, I got through it. Not really a big deal, but it made the afternoon seem like it was much longer because of it.

I took the bus home today. We are trying to conserve gas in the car, and it's much cheaper to use a $2 bus ticket then it is to pay for gas for Master to drive to my job, pick me up, and then drive us back home. But the up side to this was that once I got to a certain spot on the bus route Master called me to see where I was. So I told Him. He said He was going to start walking down to where the bus was going to drop me off.

It was so nice! He met me at the bus stop and we walked home together holding hands and He listened to how my day went. I loved it! It was actually better, to me, then when He comes to pick me up in the car.. because He's not getting pissed off at other drivers, the radio isn't distracting us.. we just held hands and talked for the few blocks.

Topic three. Being cautious/over protective.

Master and I were watching a TV show that had to do with being overly cautious/over protective. It was in regards to children. But it got us started on a conversation.

I had to kind of laugh because my mother, who I love very much, still wants me to call her once I am home safely when I drive from her house to my apartment. It's about a 45 minute drive. She wants to make sure that I haven't gotten into a car crash or anything like that. I tease her about it all the time. I'm like, "Thanks mom. Ya know I have been driving for a little over 10 years now, right?" And she shakes her head, rolls her eyes, and says, "It's not your driving that I'm worried about!" You know.. kind of like Master does when He says stuff like that to me. Maybe this is why they get along so well. They are both very, very concerned over my safety and general well being. If I ever did anything stupid, I would be afraid of what kind of nursing care/lecture tag team they would make.

Also, if I take the bus home from work, she wants me to call her once I am off the bus, and talk to her on the phone until I am safely in my apartment. That is unless, like today, Master meets me at the bus stop, cause she knows I'll be safe with Him. She knows I can take care of myself, just like Master knows this, but they both worry. A lot.

I oblige her in these things because I don't want her having a panic attack on my account. And I know she is doing it out of love and concern, not creepy control freak mommy type stuff.

While Master does it out of love and concern.. as well as.. wanting that control. ;-)

Wonderful Night

Last night, after a relaxing afternoon/evening Master and I retired to the bedroom. I had put on some lingerie so I would look nice for Him and He pulled out the rabbit vibrator.

I didn't realize that the last time we had used it was in April. Holy hell. This toy has been neglected, the poor thing. Only this time, we were smart and kept the lights on so Master could see what He was going, and it didn't make me feel like I had a some kind of science fiction creation being shoved into my twat because of the lights on the control section of it.

Master situated Himself so that I could play with Him while He used the toy on me. It felt amazing. He had one of my legs up and over His torso. (He was laying on His side.)  And I had put lube on my hand so that it would slide more easily over His cock.

To be perfectly honest we hadn't done this sort of thing in a long time. I mean He'll finger me and I'll stroke His dick.. but we don't have long sessions where we just play with one another as extended foreplay. We'll have to try and do that more often!

As He watched Himself fucking me with this toy, and I was stroking His cock, He would squeeze my thigh or suddenly grip my leg and it was hot, feeling Him react in such a way. I had to beg to cum as I got close to an orgasm. He allowed it, and then He had me clean the toy off with my mouth before He repositioned Himself and entered me.

He fucked me very hard and allowed me to cum a few more times before having me get on all fours. He had me kneel up and bounced me off of His cock and we came together. It was bliss.

Today Master and I relaxed, did a bit of grocery shopping and have been just chilling around the apartment.

Right now Master is making dinner. We're having Polish Sausage. Yum!

Also, as I'm sure some readers may have noticed already.. I have deleted my past posts that had pictures in them. I have now moved all pics to this page. The link is also at the top of the blog, next to the title. From now on, when we have new pics, I'll be listing them there. Finally, for all you pervs out there, a page where it is nothing but pics.

Plus Master had that sort of page when His blog was up, and I liked the idea. As it was before, you can click on the picture if you want to see the full size of it. Ya freaks. ;-)

The Story of O

*deep breath* Okay, before I get into our day, I want to talk about this movie. Master and I were browsing through Netflix trying to find something to watch, when we noticed that The Story of O was one of the selections.

Well both Master and myself had heard a lot about this movie, while reading blogs and other BDSM related websites. So we figured why not.

*small pause*

Why the hell is this movie so damn popular? Is it because of the tits and jungle bush? Cause if it is.. for the love of all that is kinky go rent a 70's porno. It'll be more amusing.

Seriously. While Master and I watched it we were like, "Whiskey Tango Foxtrot?!" It was all so.... gentle. Okay, yes she gets branded, and she smacked around a bit with riding crop and supposedly a whip. She fucked. That's it.

Now while the thought of being branded scares the hell out of me, and I've never experienced a single tail... still it all seemed like they were trying to portray it in this romantic rose colored glass view point.

They try to show her "struggling" and it was so.... I don't even know how to describe it. Master and I made fun of the movie the entire time. Needless to say I didn't like it at all.

Although while we were watching it suddenly Master told me to lay on my stomach. I was already on my slave mat, so I did as I was told. He came down and sat next to me. Out of no where He had decided to give me a back rub. I greatly appreciated it.

See, I get done talking about romantic rose colored glass and then I go into my Master pampering me. *laughs* But it's not always so... romantic or nice.

I'm not saying Master is cruel. I'm just saying it's not the way it was portrayed in that movie. Then again, is it ever? The fantasy and the reality are often so far from one another as to be unrecognizable.

So anyway.. about our day. Master had decided that He wanted to try and unload a sword we had sitting around the apartment that we just don't like anymore. So we had contacted an antique shop.

According to the friend who gave it to us about three years ago, it was 18th century.. had been handed down.. blah blah blah. Well apparently this particular antique store did in fact have a dealer who specialized in blades. Rock on. It was that dealer's day off, so the store gave us his cell phone number and he agreed to meet us at said store.

He looked at it and told Master that unfortunately it is a reproduction and so he is not interested in it. The dealer was very polite about the whole thing and even apologized. We said thank you. Master and I were both ticked off that our friend had given us a line about this thing when he handed it to us as a wedding present.

Other than that slight annoyance, we've had a very relaxing day.

Goodbye Den

Last night Master was sitting in His recliner, when suddenly He told me to get off the computer so He could have it. So I sat on my slave mat and was relaxing. He then told me that He had been thinking about closing down His blog. I was a bit surprised by this, to be honest. He said that He just doesn't write on it as much as He used to, and He would rather focus His energies elsewhere.

I understood that part. He was never into blogging as much as I was/am. So He asked me how to do it, and I honestly didn't know. So we had to search on the Word Press website, found out how to do it.. and before you knew it... His blog was deleted. It's gone now. So for those of you who had it linked on your blogs/websites.. this is your heads up.

When we went to bed Master said I seemed a bit down about Him deleting His blog. I told Him that I had always enjoyed reading His posts. I mean, yes we're married and we talk all the time, but it was still nice to see His thoughts put into writing. He said, "Well it's a bit late now, there is no undo."

I just kind of shrugged it off. I mean yes I enjoyed reading His blog, and I liked the fact that He did in fact have a blog... but if it wasn't something He enjoyed anymore, why bother... ya know?

My blog isn't going anywhere. I am still required to post here daily. It is still part of my slave duties.

Last night after we laid there talking for a little bit Master had me curl up and we went to sleep.

Work went okay. After He picked me up we bought dog food and then had a couple of drinks at the bar we like to go to. A little splurge, to try and forget about the stress of life at the moment. No biggie.

Other then that there isn't a lot going on. At least not that is coming to mind immediatley.

I'll do a more lengthy blog post tomorrow (er... later today?). Right now I'm enjoying the small buzz that I have going on and just being.

Work "Friends"

I seem to have a different opinion on how work relationships should go. Personally, when I work somewhere, and I get along (for the most part) with someone, that's as far as it goes. I'll talk to you while I'm at work. I'll ask how things are going, and if you want to tell me things that are going on in your life, fine. If you ask me what is going on with me, I may tell you.

However, I do not take that outside of work. In other words, I do not feel the need to see you outside of work, unless it is a work function... like the volley ball game or the baseball game that Master and I went to.

One of my coworkers is getting married next week Friday. I told her congratulations and wished her luck. She is a very nice woman, and her and I get along at work just fine. I don't really know her. I mean, I know her name, I know she is getting married, and that's about as far as it goes.

Well another one of my coworkers, the one that sits right next to me, had planned a bridal shower for her and had invited me. It is this Saturday. I politely declined.

First off, I only know both of these people at work. This may sound harsh of me, but I see no reason to go to her bridal shower, and spend money I really don't have on a gift (bridal showers = gifts) for her. Secondly, I understand why she is throwing the bridal shower. She is friends with this person outside of work. Makes perfect sense.

Today the coworker who sits next to me tells me that the bridal shower is off. I asked her why, trying to be polite.. and she said because no one is showing up. You see the problem is she only invited people from work. And no one wants to go. She seemed so pissed off about this, saying how this woman is the nicest person you'll ever meet. Why can't people spend a little bit of money to give a gift for someone's big day.. blah blah blah.

I shrugged and said, "Well I guess it would depend on how long they have known the person." She replied that this woman has worked there for two years. I said, "Yes, but how many of our coworkers actually know her outside of work?"

"Two."

"Exactly."

She huffed at that. I just don't get it. Even if I did have the money, I don't know this person! I mean, yes she's nice and all that.. but I'd feel somewhat awkward about going. It's not just the financial part. I mean... I don't know her. What the hell are we gonna talk about besides her big day that is about a week away?

Also, most people don't realize that I am a very different person outside of my job. I am not politically correct. I am sarcastic as hell. I'm a slave... you know. Little details.

And they don't really need to know who I really am outside of work. What's the point? I don't connect with them on a friend level. I connect with them in a way that makes it easy to work with them. That's it.

See my view point is this. I wouldn't want my coworkers who I don't really know showing up at Master's and my anniversary party, if we were to have one. I would find it awkward and uncomfortable. I wouldn't be able to fully relax.

What are your thoughts? Should you go to a birthday party/bridal shower/baby shower of one of your coworkers even if you don't know them outside of work? Is it considered rude not to? Etc...

Looking Back

For whatever reason, about two days ago I decided to go into our bedroom closet and pull down some of my old hand written slave journals. Three in particular. Why? I don't know, I just grabbed them.

So over the past couple of days I have been going back and reading old entries. Tonight I read some that included our honeymoon. *sighs happily* I can't wait to go back to Sybaris one day. I'm hoping for our 4th wedding anniversary. (That gives us about a year and a half to save up... )

I have no idea why I felt compelled to pull these down and start reading them again. But then again sometimes I do that with this blog as well.

I no longer keep a hand written slave journal, just this blog. After a while of doing them both Master didn't see the sense it my doing the hand written one, when I pretty much put all of the same things here on this blog. Plus, it's actually easier for me to do it this way. I'm way faster at typing then I am at writing. Weird.

Last night Master claimed me. We connected and it was wonderful. We had played with one another for quite sometime before He ate me out and then claimed me. He eventually had me lay on my stomach, and He propped my pillows under my hips, forcing my ass into the air. He stuck His thumb in my ass and used that grip to move my pussy up and down the length of His cock.

After He filled me with His cum, He said, "I almost forgot about that pillow trick..."

He said it in such a way that made me giggle. We went into the living room and had a cigarette before He stood up, had me kneel before Him and clean Him off with my mouth.

We then retired to the bedroom and He curled up to me until I fell asleep. I think He got up shortly there after, but I'm not sure.

His insomnia is still with Him. But it meant a lot to me that He curled up to me until I fell asleep. I slept much better last night then I have in quite some time, due to that.

I don't sleep well when He's not in bed with me. After all this time, it is very difficult to drift off without knowing He is near.

I've thought about asking Him if I could sleep on my slave mat in the living room, when He can't sleep, just so I can be close to Him as I doze off.

I haven't asked because I don't know if He would grant it. And also because normally when we go to bed, He at least attempts to sleep, and I don't want to keep Him up by sleeping in the living room.

Last night was incredible though. I kept thinking back to it all day today, which kept a smile on my lips.

I feel kind of spread out at the moment, mentally. By that I don't mean that I have a lot on my mind. In fact, my brain seems pretty quiet at the moment. I guess I feel more scattered?

I just feel all over the place. I don't feel solid, if that makes any sense. Yeah.. that probably doesn't.

Distance

Master has been a bit distant lately. And by that I don't mean He isn't be affectionate with me, it's just that He seems focused on the thoughts running through His mind.

He has been thinking a lot about His family, and some of our friends. I understand this, and I also understand why He has been distant as of late.

He has also been battling insomnia for a few weeks now. He has been restless and I wish there was more I could do to help.

But all I can really do is be there when He wants to talk or just cuddle for a while. He gets like this normally when it goes from summer to fall or winter to spring. Just those two transitions. Going from spring to summer or fall to winter don't seem as bad.

But this year is worse. And I know it will pass eventually. I've gotten used to it over the years, more so after we started living together.

It can be frustrating at times because I don't know what to say or do to help. And really, there isn't much I can say or do. Like I said, all I can do is be there. I have been rather affectionate, playful, and trying to seduce Him from time to time. And He does react, it's just not in His usual way I guess. I'm not sure how to describe it.

Last night we went to bed late, and we laid there and talked. I had just got done trying to crack His back and I had to use the bathroom, so I asked permission. He granted it.

As I got off the bed, I asked if I should take my tampon out. He said, "If you're still in the mood."

I don't know what it was, I couldn't really see His face since we had the lights off. But I knew He wasn't in the mood to fool around. I said as much, and He said He was sorry. I told Him there wasn't a reason to apologize. I would rather He tell me He's not in the mood, rather then us get into it and me realize He's not fully there, if you know what I mean.

I mean I know He would enjoy it, and it would still be great sex... but I know we wouldn't connect on all the levels that we normally do when we make love. And I would feel disappointed about that, and I think He would to. So I would rather not cheat ourselves.

Once His mind calms down, and fall is in full swing things will go back to normal. Or what stands as normal for us anyway. *smirks*

And it's not just Him. I know I get that way too sometimes. Mine just seem more... random. It doesn't really happen with seasonal changes. I'm not sure what triggers mine. It just happens.

I'll be glad when fall is here. I think Master and I will both feel better.

Love Is..

Love it seems, means different things to different people. Before I continue with this post, I want to clarify that I am doing this post based on my own thoughts and feelings as well as what I have observed in other people's relationships. People that I know, or have known.

I used to think that I knew what love was. I used to think that it was something that meant you had to put up with a lot of shit to maybe feel happy every now and then. It was something that you had to suffer through. These thoughts, of course, were what I thought love was before I met Master.

Of course I met Master at the ripe old age of 20. So yeah, I didn't know what the hell it was. I put up with assholes and their emotional and physical abuse and thought that the good days were what made up for it.

That isn't what I believe love to be anymore.

Now I believe that love is something that you feel at all times, even when you may not be in the best of moods. It is something that you know to be real, something you don't have to question.

I also believe you can love someone very deeply, even if they are not your favorite person at the moment. *giggles* Let's face it. You aren't always perfectly happy with the one you love. Sometimes arguments happen, sometimes fights happen (verbal, not physical). Sometimes you get mad at them and need time to cool down. Hence, they are not your favorite person right then. But you still love them. You don't think about leaving or walking out that door, as in permanently, just because you are pissed off.

Love is something that surrounds you. It touches your mind, your body, and your soul. It strikes you at the core. It can be wonderful, it can be painful, and it can be scary. It is a roller coaster of all those things, depending on what situation you are in at the given time.

It can be wonderful, when you are curled up in that person's arms and just enjoying their scent and their touch.

It can be painful, when you know that they are upset with you.

It can be scary when they are ill or are injured.

But other people I know seem to think that love is something that can be used to manipulate and to control the other person. And I don't mean in a kinky way either. I mean as in a malicious way. This pisses me off, to see others use that emotion in order to get what they want. You shouldn't have to do that if you truly want someone to be with you. You shouldn't have to twist their emotions into a confused pretzel.

I don't know what has triggered this post. But for some reason I just want to get it out there, even if it doesn't make a lot of sense.

Love also gives another person a lot of.... power, for lack of a better word. They can use it to raise you up, or to bring you low. They can say words that will have you soaring high enough that the birds are envious. And they can say words that make you want to crawl into the darkest hole you can possibly find and cry, without even meaning to.

Love is a two sided blade in that way. But you can't have the sweet without the possibility of the sour.

Master and I have had our times where we have hurt one another without meaning to. It's not like in my past relationships where the verbal barbs were done on purpose, to win a fight or to piss the other person off.

And Master and I have had our times where we have been able to touch the sky because we were so happy. I have never felt that before. That is unique to me.

The high times, have been far more numerous.

I'm rambling. But I'm glad I wrote this, for some strange reason.

Labor Day

The three day weekend is at an end. It was relaxing, and I enjoyed the break. But, as it always seems to... it went by rather quickly. I don't know why it seems that way. There are times where weekends can seem to last quite a long time. But it seems that whenever you get an extended time from work, it goes by more quickly. Odd, don't you think?

We didn't do anything special for Labor Day. We went down to visit my mother for a few hours this afternoon, and that was about it. My mother had given me some clothes she no longer needed, so I went through those shortly after we got home. There are some really nice work shirts she gave me, so that's awesome. There was even a few pairs of pants in there for me. It looks like I won't need to go clothes shopping for a while. Although I do need new work shoes.

After that we had pizza for dinner and Master has been racking in some time on His newest video game, the one that we got a great deal on yesterday. Me? I'm not really sure what to do with myself. I feel like being online, but there isn't much to do on the computer.

I feel like reading, but after a while I get sick of that. I could take a nap, but then I won't sleep tonight and it seems like a waste to sleep away the evening. Bleh. I hate it when I can't figure out what to do with myself.

So I suppose I'll go take a bath and try and relax my muscles a bit.

Gotta Love A Good Bargain

Master and I slept in again today. The bad thing was that I woke up with one hell of a knot in my back. And it has stayed with me the entire day. :-(

It hurt every time I moved, or breathed. Ugh. I hate that. But we needed to get some errands done, and I'm a stubborn bitch so I was like.. "Yeah let's go!"

So we went to the game store first. We went to Game Stop. We officially boycotted Game Crazy not that long ago. Let's just say that the quality of their used products suck. And yes, I realize, it's used.. but still... you would think they would clean out the hard drive of a system and make sure the mother fucking thing works before putting it out on their shelves. Oh, and then not hassle you when you go to return it even though you paid for the store warranty. Fuckers.

Anywho, a Game Stop had recently opened up about five minutes from home and Master and I were ecstatic! So Master had two games to trade in. We went up to the counter, traded in the games, and they told us how much He was getting for them. So He found a game He wanted, within said price range, and we went back up to the counter. The cashier asked us if we had their Edge card. Basically if gives you 10% more (or something like that) on your trade ins, you get money off on games, you know.. basically a savings card, only you have to pay for it once a year. Well, ours had expired and I was like, "No we can't afford to renew it right now." But then the cashier told us that if we did renew it right now, not only would we get the game and the renewal of the Edge card based on Master's trade in... but He would also have about $11.50 of in store credit to use in the future.

So I'm like, "A game, a card subscription that gives you savings, and $11.50 all for you taking two games He doesn't want anymore? Um... hell yes!"

That was awesome.

We then went and picked up rabbit food, and then went grocery shopping. We had brats for dinner and Master gave me a backrub afterward. We watched Larry the Cable Guy and Bill Engvall.

Master has been pampering me with back rubs. Instead of getting really bad cramps when I'm on the rag, my lower back starts hurting and becoming stiff, which makes the rest of my back hurt. The back rubs help a lot. Thank You Master!

So now Master is playing the game He got today. And me? Well, after the back rub my back started to feel better, and I took a nice hot bath, but it's still bugging me a bit. I'm basically just trying to relax and not sleepy. That's another thing. I get so damn tired all the time when I'm on my period. It pisses me off. Master's been doing all the lifting and what not today, and I'm the one who is tired? What the fuck is that happy horse shit?

I'll be glad when it's done.

Flirtatious Husband

See, I told you I'd do another post today! :-D

Today Master and I ran an errand or two and then just sort have been relaxing around the apartment the rest of the day. At one point today, we were watching a movie and Master was rubbing my back and He had said something... I honestly can't remember what.. and when I laughed and looked up at Him He had this glint in His eyes. I said, "You're very flirtatious today."

To which He replied, "Okay I'll stop then."

I quickly said, "No!!! I like it!"

And I do. Now by my saying that I like it when He is flirtatious, I mean with me.. I wouldn't like it, at all, if He were flirting with other people. I'm a territorial slave. Odd huh? But it works for us, and He knows.. and fully accepts.. this about me. Just as He is a very territorial Master. I think if I wasn't territorial He would worry.

Anyhow.. He has been flirting with me, and in turn me flirting with Him, since I got out of work yesterday. And it's been wonderful.

We've been making cute little comments back and forth. Sexy, flirtatious, and down right blunt. *sigh* I've been a happy Kitten.

A good example is last night while we were at the bar, Master had bought a piece of beef jerky and I had bought a Hershey's candy bar. Well the way I eat a Hershey's candy bar is I break off the individual pieces and eat them one by one. I don't know why, so don't ask.

After Master had finished His beef jerky I had just put the second to the last piece in my mouth and was chewing on it. Suddenly I see Him grab the last piece and pop it into His mouth. I playfully pouted and said, "That was my last piece!"

He was holding it in His mouth, and He said, "Do you want it?"

I thought He was joking or was trying to tempt me into pouting further, so I said no.

His eyes got that glint to them, and He said, "Are you sure?"

So I giggled and said, "Yes I would like it."

"You can have half."

So I swallowed the piece in my mouth, and He kissed me, using His tongue to push half of the now melty chocolate piece into my mouth. When we broke off the kiss I had half, and He had half. I giggled because some of His saliva of course had come with the chocolate piece and landed square on my chin. I wiped it off and He laughed and said, "You know you're married when.."

It's been wonderful. I've greatly enjoyed His flirty mood. He gets like this sometimes, and when He does I just can't get enough of it. And when He does get like this, it triggers me to respond in kind, which then causes Him to do the same.. so thankfully it turns into this wonderful cycle that He and I don't lose for at least two to three days.

I mean, we're always affectionate and very touchy feely... but sometimes this sort of mood just kicks up in one of us and I love it when it happens.

As Master pointed out last night, "We still get like this even after almost 7 years..." (It'll be 7 years in March.)

Very Relaxing Friday

BC picked me up and took me to work yesterday. It was insanely busy for the four hours that I was there. It was like everyone had just realized that we were going to be closed on Monday and so they had to get that stuff done like... ya know.. before that. But hey, no biggie. I had a feeling that was going to happen.

I got out at noon. Master picked me up and we dropped off our rent check. Goodbye large chunk of money. It could be worse. We could be paying as much as we do for a studio apartment, and that would suck.The reason why we drop it off is because I don't trust the postal service to get it to them on time. Plus, this particular month, I got paid on the 4th and rent is due by the 5th, and I really don't feel like paying a late fee on rent.

After we dropped off the rent check we went home for a little while. We relaxed and then Master decided He was hungry, which made me realize how hungry I was as well. So we ate lunch and once we were done eating it was like both of us realized how little we've been sleeping lately. So Master suggested a nap. And the nap felt ssoooo good. I was curled up with my Daddy and got to sleep for a few hours! Yay!

We had made plans to meet SS at the bar last night around 9pm. So we got up around 7pm and relaxed. Which is when I realized I had started my period. No wonder I've been in a funk. I'm realizing that as I get closer to the age of 30 that funk is getting worse, and worse. The cramps aren't as bad.. but the funk and weird thoughts/emotions that come with this lovely monthly visitor is getting worse. I'm going to have to keep an eye on that. Seriously.

My mother had tried to warn me about such things, as soon as I hit the age of 25. (I'm now 26 1/2.) I shrugged it off, stupidly. Stupid hormones. Oh, and by the way... why the hell after all of these years of evolution has the female body not given us the ability to know exactly when our vagina is going to start bleeding so we don't have embarrassing moments. Thankfully that hasn't happened to me since Jr. High, I've since been lucky enough to start it when I'm at home. But still! I have to wear khakis at work, and the thought of suddenly having a blood stain appear freaks me out. Plus, I'm totally over getting my period. I've had it since I was ten years old. Lucky me on being an early starter. I'm now a recreational model, read.. I'm fixed. It can go away now.

The only good thing about it is the fact that Master loves the taste/scent of it.

Okay, so off that subject.

Anyway, we go to the bar and VH is there. No big surprise honestly. But thankfully last night she was pretty cool. She wasn't drunk and she wasn't highly annoying. And our favorite bartender at that place was there. She fucking rocks.

Around 9pm SS calls my cell and tells me that she isn't going to be able to make it because she has to sit and home and wait for her teenager to get home, so she can yell at her for being very late. Totally understandable. So Master and I had a couple of drinks each, and headed out.

When we got home, we watched a very good movie called "Surviving the Game". Master had told me about it a while back, and we found it on Netflix. We went to bed around 3am and passed out.

This morning we got up about 11am and have been relaxing since then.

I'll probably do another post before the day is through, I just wanted to make sure to get this one done since Master was kind enough to let me wait until today to type it out.

Two Forms Of Release In One Night

Last night I had put on some lingerie so I would look nice for Master. Eventually we headed off to the bedroom. After unsuccessfully attempting to crack Master's concrete slab that He calls a back... I laid down next to Him and He started playing with my tits.

Earlier in the evening I had been really affectionate and He asked me if I was feeling docile. I told Him that I was, and He had asked me if that meant He was going to be using me that night. I had nodded my head.

So as He was playing with my tits, He asked me if I still felt docile. I said yes. He then asked me if that meant I still wanted to be used. I again, said yes.

For those of you who may not know what I mean by "being used", basically it means that He fucks me but I don't have an orgasm. I am there for His pleasure, and His pleasure alone.

So He laid on His back and had me suck His cock for a while. Once He was very hard, I crawled up the length of Him and He pulled my tits out of the top I was wearing and started sucking on them. I then asked Him how He wanted me. He said I could stay where I was, meaning I could be on top for a while.

Now, not having an orgasm while on top is both difficult and easy at the same time. Mainly because I'm the one in control of when to stop moving or when to slow down. Well, for the most part. That is until He grabs my hips and moves me, or holds me down and thrusts into me. When I am in control of the movements, it's easy. Because I know exactly when to stop. But if He takes over, it's very difficult.

As He was slowly pushing into me, He bit down into my neck while I was laying on top of Him. And even though His teeth digging into the tender flesh of my neck hurt quite a bit my pussy reacted by becoming soaking wet. I mean, we had barely started having sex and already my juices were going down His balls.

He teased me about that, and I couldn't help but blush. I started riding Him and every time I got close to having an orgasm I slowed down and just started gently rocking my hips. Then, out of nowhere, He grabbed my ass, moved His legs up, planted His feet firmly on the bed, and started pounding into me. He wasn't stopping. The need to cum was getting stronger, and stronger, and He just was relentless. I manged to breathe out the word "Daddy", trying to beg for mercy. I didn't want to have an orgasm without permission.

He asked me if I needed to cum, and I nodded. He continued to slam into me and said, "Beg for it."

I begged like my life depended on it. He allowed it, and I had one of the longest orgasms of my life. It was insane.

As soon as I came down from that bliss I started bawling. Tears were spilling down my cheeks and I couldn't stop sobbing. He sat up, with His cock still inside me, and held me to Him, gently rocking me back and forth on His cock. I rested my head on His shoulder and continued to cry.

He told me it was okay, that I was a very good girl. That I had begged well. That I wasn't in trouble for begging to cum when earlier I had said I just wanted to be used.

He then told me that He knew I needed that form of release, and so He had pushed my body past my mental block of being docile until I really had no other choice but to cum. He had done this on purpose. And I was grateful.

I needed those releases. I need to cum really hard, and in doing so that triggered the emotional release of crying. Also, I just really needed to be held. As He was talking to me and still gently making love to me, He was holding me tightly to Him and kissing my hair. It was just what I needed.

Once I had calmed down a little bit, and the crying was starting to subside He put me on my stomach, put my hands in the rope bonds that are attached to the headboard and continued to use me for His pleasure. I begged for His cum and He filled me.

I was exhausted afterward. The emotional roller coaster that is often associated with our sex life, had drained me more then usual. He had me clean Him off, and He scented me before we curled up and I passed out content with being in the arms of my mate.

The Day That Wouldn't End

Today work dragged by. Mainly because we are completely caught up on back log work now, and are just trying to get by on the day to day stuff. Yeah. That's not quite cutting it. For the last hour and a half of work I was sitting there basically trying to slow down so I would have enough to do. I had already called my trainer to see if there was any extra work to be done, and surprisingly there wasn't. So she told me to just try and slow down a bit. Sure, why not.

I did get away from my desk for a half hour today, as we are getting a new phone system for the office and we all had to learn how the new phone system works, and all that stuff. I know, it sounds stupid. It's a phone system. You pick up the phone, and you dial out. But really there are a lot of changes and apparently it will also work with our e-mail eventually by sending us messages when someone calls and when we have a voice mail.. stuff like that.

Master picked me up to work and we ended up going to a used book store. Master found two books He wanted, that were dirt cheap and hard covers. So yay!

While we were browsing at the bookstore His mother called Him on His cell phone. She is apparently in the middle of planning her wedding and wedding reception. She doesn't have a date set yet, but is trying to get an idea of how much this is going to cost her. Understandable.

Master handed me the phone, and I was like... "Huh?"

She wanted to know how much per plate we were charged at our reception. I told her I didn't know how much per plate, but for the entire thing.. for a headcount of 30 people it cost us about $500. That included two meats of our choice (we had ribs and chicken), three sides of our choice, soda, and the services of the bartender. (It was a cash bar. No way were we paying for everyone's alcohol.) Oh, also there was no room fee. Which was awesome!

I found it kind of odd that she would be asking me how much our reception cost, but then she said she was thinking of using the same place. That irks me in a way. It sounds highly territorial but I wanted to say, "Find your own place for you reception! That's ours!"

It's almost like I don't want her "day" tainting the memories of ours. You know?

Not to mention when we first told her that was where we were having our reception she looked down her nose at it. (We had rented a banquet room at one of our favorite bar and grills.) But now she thinks it's a good idea for her own? Say what?

Master thinks she is trying to grab some of the success Him and I have had in our marriage by following some of the same things we did. I was cranky over the whole thing and said, "Maybe it's because she's getting married for the fourth time and she's ran out of her own damn ideas."

The main saving grace to all of this is that we don't have to worry about attending the wedding. They are going on a cruise, getting married on the boat, and then when they arrive at their destination (Hawaii) they will honeymoon. When they get back from that, they'll have their reception. Master's suit, the one He wore when we got married, probably will not fit Him as He has lost quite a bit of weight. But He has some nice khaki type pants and dress shirts. So He'll probably wear that. Me? I plan on wearing black. Although I wore black when we were married as well. I probably won't wear that dress. I don't know. They are talking about getting married in either March or April.

Master and I were married in March. I'm hoping they go with April.

Again, territorial. And it may sound.. unreasonable. But I don't really care. All I told Master was that if they pick March 21st for their wedding day I'm gonna flip my lid. (How many of you guessed that's our wedding anniversary date before you read this sentence? You did?! Congrats! You win a cookie.) ;-)

Tomorrow is Thursday. It might be another slow day. But then Friday I'm booking out of there around noon. And then.. a wonderful three day weekend!

I'm in a very docile mood right now. I've just been a little stressed out at work, and with some friends/family. So sometimes, when I feel overloaded, it's like that kicks up in my tail to save me from screaming. I can get lost in just being docile and submissive towards Master. It's an escape in times like this.

My mind has been a whirlwind as of late. A whirlwind of what, I'm not sure since I can't slow it down long enough to take a look at all the details. I've been feeling a bit depressed lately. Nothing major, just a bit of a funk. I'm chalking it up to the stress at the moment.

So rather then allowing myself to wallow in that, which I hate doing, I'm trying to focus on being docile and being a good girl.

Master and I have been a bit cranky tonight. We're both sore, and Master has a pressure headache.

Back to the previous subject.... (which one? weddings) .. There is a lot of wedding talk going on at the moment. My mom told me my brother is thinking of proposing to his girlfriend. I'd rather he ran in the other direction, because I hate that bitch. But it's not my life. My mother in law, is obviously getting married. I have two coworkers that are getting married. One of them in only a couple of weeks.

All of this wedding talk, has me thinking about our wedding day. It was simple, and I loved it. I look forward to one day having an anniversary party. Preferably at the same place we had our reception. I wouldn't change one thing about our wedding day.

Most people have this one thing they wished they had done differently, or one thing that they wish hadn't happened or did happen. Not me. Our day was perfect, for us.

Come On Weekend!

What do you mean it's only Tuesday? *sigh*

I think the reason why I'm looking forward to this weekend the most is because I know I have next Monday off, so that makes it a three day weekend.

It already feels like this week is dragging.

BC picked me up and took me to work. On the drive there he informed me that he won't be able to take me to work two days this month. One is a Friday and the other is the following Monday. Apparently he is treating his girlfriend to a mini vacation.

So this morning, shortly after I sat down at my desk at work, I decided fuck it. I'll cancel the one day I had scheduled off in October, and just take those two days off that BC can't take me to work. Plus, that gave me an excuse to give myself a four day weekend. Awesome. The request was approved by my supervisor. Yay!

My coworker came to work late this morning because she wanted to drop her son off at school for his first day. I knew that was happening, so not a big deal. But then she came in and decided she was going to leave 2 hours early as well. She has been saying how much she wants to go home early, damn near every day. It's annoying as hell. Every day she comes to work, she says she might ask to leave early.

At this rate, I'd rather she just quit and I'll handle both of our workloads. I'm basically doing that now anyway. Because even when she is at work, she's constantly wandering around just talking to people, or on the phone with her friends, her husband, or her cable/phone company. It pisses me off.

Yes, I sometimes talk to Master while I'm at work. But the conversations aren't very long and it's once or twice a day. Even then I continue working. If I'm busy I tell Him I'm busy. It's that simple.

When people don't have the same work ethic that I do, and they work directly with me, it pisses me off to no end.

Master tells me to be patient, that one of these days they will fire her. He's probably right. So I bide my time.

Master picked me up from work and we relaxed and had dinner. I called my dad to wish him a happy birthday, but he wasn't home. So I ended up leaving him an answering machine message. (My dad has an answering machine, not voicemail. I tease him about that sometimes.)

I didn't sleep very well last night. I woke up for the first time around 3am. I woke up long enough to look at the clock and roll over, but then I continued to wake up about every half hour or so. I'd look at the clock, roll over, and go back to sleep. But damn is that annoying, and it always makes me feel like I haven't gotten any sleep at all. :-(

At least tomorrow is hump day.

The middle of my back has been going into spasms on and off all day today. I told Master this on the ride home and He gave me an eight hour pain reliever. It seems to be helping. All I had at work was regular Tylenol.

So yeah. That's my day.