Deity

I have seen quite a few posts over my years of reading blogs that have talked about how slaves need their Master to be a God. That they can not show weakness or flaws. That they can not apologize, even if they are "wrong". Things of that nature.

To be perfectly honest, I used to think that way. I thought I wanted my Master to be flawless, to show no weakness, to never say He was sorry to me... even if it was what I needed to hear.

Now I realize that was part of the fantasy that isn't so great once you put it into a realistic situation, at least for me.

I need Master to apologize if it is needed. I need Him to allow me to see His flaws.. His mistakes. I need to see it all. No matter how raw it is.

Why do I need to see these things? Because if I don't, I'll feel like He is hiding something. I'll feel that He is not being honest with me. And I'll feel like there is a wall between us. A wall that will prevent me from wanting to submit, because I'd be waiting for the other shoe to drop.

Master makes mistakes. He fucks up sometimes. Just like I do. Because that is the nature of being alive. We all fuck up. We all make mistakes. And for me to try and put Him on a pedestal, well... all that would happen would be the first flash of reality to hit me and for that pedestal to crumble and I don't know how I would react to that.

I'd rather be allowed inside His head, to know His thoughts, His fears, His worries. I want to know all of it. Not just the good. I want to know the bad and the ugly as well. Just as He has torn me open and read my mind like a well used book, I want that same raw honesty from Him.

Over the years that has gotten easier for both of us. For quite some time both of us tried to keep certain things away from one another. The darker things. The worries, the pain, the dark thoughts. But it didn't last long. We decided we didn't want to play those games anymore. And so we don't.

I told Master last night that I am glad He is man enough to apologize, if He needs to. I told Him that when I first met Him and we first started dating, I didn't think He'd be the type of guy to go, "Look. I fucked up. I know I fucked up, and I'm sorry."

He asked me why I had thought that. I told Him I wasn't sure. Maybe it was His bad ass exterior? I'm not sure. But I was quickly shown that I was wrong. And I was pleasantly surprised.

I understand why some slaves want to put their Master into a god like view. But I don't want the rose colored glasses version of my mate. I want it all. I need it all. And thankfully, Master is willing to provide it.

I can only imagine how tough that would be. To have worries, doubts, thoughts, pain, etc.. and not be able to talk about them with the person you care for, because it might destroy their image of you. That must be incredibly frustrating. Or at least it would be for me. Maybe some people would rather not share. *shrugs* What do I know?