February 6, 2015


Today was my grandfather's wake. It wasn't until 2pm so I had to just try and keep myself calm until then. I felt like I had a knot in my stomach. A huge heavy knot right in the pit of my stomach. I didn't feel sick or anything, thankfully. Around 1:30pm Master took out the dog while I started the car and brushed it off. Once that was done I got changed. Master had changed His clothes already. Thankfully I had already put on my eye liner and lip gloss.

By then the car was warmed up enough. The only problem was that we had one hell of a time getting out of the driveway. The driveway has a pretty steep incline to it and now that the snow is starting to soften up a little bit it didn't want to let our tires grip. Master did the best He could and eventually we were able to get out of the driveway.

We got there about ten minutes after it started.  I didn't know quite a few people there. It was a lot of my grandpa's neighbors and the people he used to work out with at the heart care center he went to before his health went from bad to horrible. Of course there were also the relatives that I hadn't seen since I was a kid. Master and I stayed until about a hour before the wake was ending. We didn't go to the dinner afterward. In fact a lot of the people weren't going to the dinner. I think it probably surprised my dad and uncle as to how few people actually wanted to go.

I had to go into the room with the casket in it with my brother. He wouldn't go in otherwise. I found that a little odd because his fiance was right there but she seemed to want to keep a pretty good distance from the casket so I think she just wouldn't go in there anyway and my brother didn't want to go up to him by himself.

They did a really good job with Grandpa. I was so worried that he wouldn't look right. But he did. The casket was kind of plain but it was still nice. I think my dad and uncle went with a more simple one because Grandpa is being cremated.

I got a few looks when I said goodbye to Grandpa. I touched his arm and his forehead. I know a lot of people don't do such things. I don't know if it just creeps them out or what. But he was my grandpa. I know he isn't there anymore. I know that it is just his body, but it was still important to me to do that. If that makes other people uncomfortable that is their damage not mine. I got weird looks at my Oma and Opa's funeral too. Same thing. When I was 10 years old and I went to my grandma's wake I actually climbed up on a little step so I could hold her hand and say goodbye.

Plus if I can run my fingers over his hair and tuck him in just seconds after he passed away I can do that. 

I am glad that there was no drama at the wake. I'm also glad that my dad's girlfriend was smart enough to sit down and shut up the entire time. She didn't know Grandpa. Really, the only reason I didn't have a problem with her being there is because I'm assuming Dad brought her with for emotional support. I can't really deny anyone that.

Master has been very patient with me today and has been nothing but supportive this entire time. I love Him. I know He misses Grandpa too. They got along really well and joked around together.

Grandpa was the first person to ever call me Mrs. (our last name). I'm glad it was him.

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