February 10, 2015


Yesterday was an off day for everyone. It was exactly one week since Grandpa had died as well as the twenty-first anniversary of Grandma's passing. My uncle stopped by for a little while which was surprising. He never really stops by for social visits. He is just not a social person at all. But I think given the day it was he felt the need to be around family and my father isn't very good for emotional support even if someone isn't asking for it directly. My dad doesn't know how to react to such things. I know this from experience. I've attempted to go to my dad for emotional support and I was more upset when I left than when I arrived. One of the worst things to experience, in my opinion, is to seek emotional support from someone and receiving nothing. When my dad is faced with such things he either jokes about it as a way to get around it or just kind of stares at you blankly and says what he thinks you want to hear.

I've gone to him crying before and because he is my dad I wanted him to hug me and give me advice. I gave him a hug and he kind of just half hugged me and stood there. He mumbled some things that were rather generic. Very upsetting. I don't think he does it on purpose. I just don't think he can deal so his two responses are to either get pissed off about it or to just kind of shut down.

Basically right now my father isn't good for anyone who wants emotional support right now. That includes my uncle, his baby brother.

After my uncle left Master and I spent the day just kind of vegging out. We didn't do much. I didn't really feel like doing much and neither did He.

I didn't break down crying or anything but I was very cuddly. Master comforted me, let me hand all over Him while we were watching TV, and generally just tried to make me laugh whenever He could.

Now that this small (huge) hurdle has been passed the rest of it will be easier. Unfortunately I don't know how many more hurdles are left.

Now we basically wait on all the legal shit and see whether or not I'm going to be pissed off at my father. I would like to bring it up but I know that will only piss him off and basically force him to do shit that will piss me off or he'll dig his heels in and drag out the shit that needs to be done. He isn't really the guy I know anymore but there are just certain character traits that don't go away. Those are some of his. 

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