Thank You For Calling Tech Support

My work day didn't go that well. My trainer had the day off due to jury duty, and my supervisor had to go to court in the afternoon. So yeah. I was pretty much on my own. So there are some things that just had to wait until tomorrow because I would rather put it off, rather than try to do it on my own, while not knowing what the hell I'm doing, and fuck it up and have to have someone else fix it.

It could have been worse, but still.

So on my way home from work Master sent me a text message saying that He was on the phone with His mom. She had literally just gotten her computer back from it suffering from the blue screen of death. So she wanted us to come down tonight so I could hook it up and help her out.

She offered $25. So I said sure. Money is money after all.

So I got home, and Master and I had dinner, and we were able to relax for about an hour before heading down to His mother's. She actually had most of it set-up (as in cables plugged in) when I got there. I was impressed actually. So I finished that up, booted up the computer and then put her backed up files back on there.

I had to talk to some tech guy on the phone again because there were some default things that were missing. But soon it was all worked out, no big deal. And the tech guy spoke English as a first language, so that helped a lot.

Master and I headed out of there around 8:30pm and just got home not that long ago.

Tomorrow is going to be somewhat stressful due to a major client coming in to check up on the company. So everyone is in a tizzy at work about that. Me? I'm going to be keeping my head down as much as possible the next two days. By the time that's over, it'll be my half day, and that means my 3 1/2 day weekend will start! Yay!

Kinda Crappy Monday

I'm suddenly very tired at the moment. I just got out of the bath, and I think the hot water relaxed me a bit too much, so now I'm tired. Stupid hot water.

Work was going okay until after I got back from my lunch break. My trainer had to leave, and she won't be in tomorrow, because she got called in for jury duty. That bites. Then Wednesday and Thursday one of our big clients are going to be checking in.. so we are going back to a more strict dress code for those two days. This also means that I have to dig through all my clothes and find those clothes again. Good thing I kept them.

Master picked me up from down town today. MZ started a new college semester today. She was less than thrilled about it. So on the way home Master and I decide we should go out to eat. So we did that, and we talked quite a bit. Or actually He did most of the talking and I just listened.

He knows that I do better when things are strict, even though I might fight against it when I'm not in the best of moods. So He told me, in no uncertain terms, that we're going back to the He says, I do.. no excuses.. no delays.. way of working things. He feels I need more structure to help make my moods more stable. And I can't say that I disagree with Him. (By no excuses, I don't mean if I'm like really ill or something along those lines.. health first as He always says.)

I'm also not saying it's going to be easy. But I'm glad we're going back to that. We had lost our way, and we trying to find our way back to it.

Other than that there really isn't any news. Either that or my brain is just focusing on the big stuff and forgetting all the little details. That could be it. So I apologize for the short post, but work kind of sucked, and then the talk Master had with me kind of put me in a very docile mood which has my brain feeling a little foggy for some reason.

End of the Day

Today I had let all the little things pile up. This has nothing to do with my depression, as I have been clear headed today. But for some stupid as hell reason, I let all the little things that have annoyed me or ticked me off over a period of time. And then I basically picked a fight with my Husband so I could vent them.

Stupid move. Very, very stupid move. We both said hurtful things but then we calmed down and we had a deep talk about it all. And I admitted that the only reason I get bitchy about the little things is because I don't have control of the larger problems, just yet. Such as my depression. My insurance website has been down all weekend so I haven't been able to look into what psychiatrists take my insurance that are near my home, and that upset me. And then there is the finances issue. It's getting closer to September 7th, which is when Master should find out whether or not He has that job at BC's place of employment.

I apologized. But I still feel bad.

I love my Husband, very much. But sometimes when stress building up and you have nothing else to lash out on, you find the dumbest thing in the world and pick that to focus your anger/frustration on.

And that's what I did today.

And I am very sorry for that.

I told Him that once I get a grip on the larger things, I'll be better. I'm going to try and be better before that though. I really am. I'll be looking into my depression thing tomorrow once I get home from work. And hopefully soon He'll be working and that will kill a lot of the stress we both have right then and there.

In other news, His mother called here and invited us out to dinner this Friday. We said that would be fine. She then said that her husband's son's fiance (did we all follow that bouncing ball?) had suggested it since they were going to be in town this weekend. She said, "Why don't you invite our step siblings?"

That kind of sucked. First off, I dislike it when Master is referred to as their step brother. Why? Because when His mother and her husband got married Master was 34. At that point the whole "step" thing is really just a legality and has nothing to do with anything. He doesn't need a step father or a step brother at 34. Let alone now, at 35. So that just kind of irked me.

And it pissed us both off that it took this bitch suggesting it, rather than His mother thinking of it on her own to say, "Hey yeah... maybe we should include my only child and His wife. You know.. those people who do me favors all the time."

So one thing that I said to Master, after we were done discussing this whole thing about Friday, was that.. "Well babe. At the end of the day, it's just me and You."

Sometimes, when you're angry about dumb stuff. Or you're just not in a good mood... You forget that. Well, not forget. But you lose sight of it for those small periods of time.

And that's a damn shame. Because nothing has been more true. At the end of the day, it is just Him and myself. We don't have to deal with anyone else on a daily basis. And this is our marriage that we're talking about here. Not some fling.

I need to take better care of myself, and I need to be a better wife.

Bumming Around Kind Of Day

I got up a little before 10 am today, which kind of surprised me since I had my alarm set for 10am. It's rare for me to get up before the alarm goes off to be perfectly honest.

So I got up, got dressed, took the dog out and then headed to the gas station. I figured Master would be awake before I got back so I got Him a pack of cigarettes and a sandwich, came back to the apartment, dropped those off, left Him a note and then headed back out.

I had to renew my vehicle registration, and of course those bastards only take cash or check, so first I had to stop at the ATM. Due to construction what should have been a 15 minute drive turned into a half hour to get to the emission test station. Thankfully I got there early enough that the line wasn't that bad, and within five minutes my car was being tested. It passed, and I pulled around to the office so I could go inside and get my stupid $75 sticker that goes on the back license plate. Well it was supposed to be $75. But apparently they charge a $10 over the counter fee. *grumbles* So I paid $85, and just can't wait to do it all over again next year. *rolls eyes*

I got back home around 11:30am and Master was amazingly still sleep. Honestly I was a bit shocked by that. Unless we're both sleeping in really late, He's normally up at a rather early hour, even on the weekends. That is, unless He's sick.

So I got undressed, climbed into bed next to Him and nuzzled and kissed Him awake. He was surprised by the hour at well, and seems to be feeling fine.

He took His shower and then gathered His clothes up so I could do His laundry. I talked to my mother for a little while, and I told her I was proud of her since she laid into my 25 yo baby brother because he's acting like a complete asshole while she's supporting his ass. I wanted to applaud her. She doesn't want me or my Husband to lay into him because she thinks it'll just cause more problems for her, although we have both been chomping at the bit for that.

So I was glad that she finally did it.

Then Master and I decided to alleviate our boredom by turning today into a Radar day! Radar is our dog. Here are some pictures of him, because I'm not sure if I ever posted one on here or not:

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He's our pup, and we love him.

So we took him to two different pet stores so he could socialize for a while. He got to meet two different dogs. One he seemed to really like, it was a very young.. I'd say about three months old... Great Dane puppy. Absolutely fucking adorable!

While at that pet store we got him some wheat free treats, and a new water bowl. He had two medium size ones in the kitchen, but he only ever drank out of the one (I have no idea why) and lately we've been filling the other one about three or four times a day. So instead of two, one of which he wouldn't drink out of, we decided to get him a huge one. Seriously. It's enormous.

He will only eat if he can see us, so we have a food bowl attached to his crate, which we keep in the living room. That way (since we're almost always in the living room if we're awake) he can see us and feel comfortable enough to eat. That bowl was a good size, and didn't need to be replaced.

Then we went to the second pet store, and he got more treats and a treat dispensing toy. He met a very large 9 month mastiff mix. This dog is going to grow up to be a horse.

Radar wasn't too sure about this dog, but they played for a little bit (while on leashes, obviously) and when Master said it was time to go Radar started barking at the mastiff mix, as if to say, "Come over here and play more! My Dad is dragging me away from my fun!"

We all headed home shortly after that. Master and I went out to dinner, and when we came back we gave Radar his new treat dispensing toy. Guess how long it lasted before he tore a piece off? Yeah. 10 minutes, if that.

So I threw it out. He enjoyed it for a little while and looked at me as I threw it away like, "But Mom! That's my toy!" Poor pup.

Thankfully he likes his new water bowl. His old ones were thrown out.

Master and I have been enjoying our evening together, and I'm so glad that we got out the house with the puppy. I think it helped Master too, since He's been feeling cooped up lately.

The Real Me

I often think that if I were the real me, all the time, and just let whatever thoughts came to my mind skip the censor and go straight out of my mouth that I wouldn't be a very liked person. I know I wouldn't be employed either. Let's face it. Most people wouldn't be employed if they said whatever was on their minds right then and there without that censor some of us have. Not every one has it, obviously.

But because I have a pretty damn good censor (in certain situations), I can restrain myself and just roll those thoughts around in my head, and maybe say them out loud later, when I'm alone or at the very least not anywhere near the person those thoughts are directed at. Such as a coworker, or a friend.

I also think that if that censor didn't exist in most people's minds the divorce rate would also be much, much higher. I mean lets face it, if you said whatever the hell you wanted to your spouse or significant other all the time, you'd probably be divorced right now. Especially if you said whatever the fuck you wanted in the heat of the moment, when you're good and pissed off. Yeah. That would be bad.

I sometimes think it would be so freeing to be able to say what you wanted, when you wanted, all of the time without that censor in place. But then I think of how that would set free all the other people around me to say whatever they wanted to me. I just might not like what I heard. In fact in some cases I'm fairly certain of that.

Emotions can be so raw, and usually are for me. I get very caught up in them, rather quickly.. almost violently so, and want to react accordingly. But I've gotten very good at not doing so. Rather than telling a coworker that they are a no good stoner who has nothing going on for them besides their fiance carrying their ass most of the time because he spends all of his money on drugs.. well.. I'd probably be fired. *giggles* I can almost picture it though. Standing in the middle of the office screaming that shit.

It would feel good at first. But then I would calm down, and start to freak out because hello I just cost myself a job over petty bullshit. Not smart.

Same goes for any other situation in life. If you just said some really pissed off hurtful shit to a friend, family member, or spouse, you'd be friendless... disowned.. and divorced. Joy.

Picking your battles can be such a chore. And sometimes they hit your pride and/or self esteem. But you take those little dings so when the time comes for the one where you should react, you're ready for it and can unload both barrels without feeling much remorse, if any.

Work, Work, Work

I don't really have much to talk about tonight.

In fact as I sit here I can't really think of anything to type that isn't just more of the same.

I think it's because I'm tired. Which is kind of weird, since today was a pretty easy day at work. In the morning we had a meeting, my work flow was pretty steady, and then in the afternoon we had a fire drill. After that I only had about a half hour of work left, so that went by rather quickly.

Master picked me up from work today. MZ (the driver in my car pool) had gone out to a bar last night, and apparently had a bit to much. Shortly after we got to work she said she wanted to leave because she wasn't feeling well. I couldn't afford the time off of work, and I didn't want to ride home with AM and his fiance, so I called Master and He said that would be fine.

Today, while I was at work, the maintenance people for the apartment complex stopped by. They had to install new smoke detectors/carbon monoxide detectors in both bedrooms. So now we have one in our bedroom, and the rabbits have one in their room. I'm sure they feel very safe now. Although, Gods forbid, if it does ever go off, it's going to hurt their poor ears.

Thankfully Master was home, because we thought they were only going to replace the one in the hallway. There weren't any in the bedrooms before. So when Master learned this He quickly had to duck into our bedroom and hide the sex toys that were on the headboard. *giggles*

We spent the evening, after dinner, watching a movie and just relaxing. Master was very tired as He only got four hours of sleep last night, so He actually went to bed before I did.. which is rare. Me? I've been tired since I got home. No real explanation, but that happens sometimes.

So now, with only 20 minutes before my bedtime, I'm going to finish my cigarette and call it a night.

Slow Day At Work

Seriously, today fucking dragged ass. It wasn't really that bad, and nothing like my old department. It was just simply that I didn't have a lot to do. We are going through a some what slow period in my new department. And since I am still in training, and don't know how to do everything just yet, I have even less to do.

But I got through it, obviously. *smiles*

Tomorrow at work we are having a fire drill. *blinks* Seriously? It immediately made me think of grade school where they did fire drills so all the kids would know how to get out of the building safely. But come on now. We're all adults. And it's not like we even have an exit stradegy. Our exit stradegy is basically this:

"Get out the door closest to you as long as it's not on fire. If it is on fire, find a different fucking door, jackass. If you can't safely get to the door, pick up a chair and break a god damn window. Then, once you have finally made it outside, and if you're not dying from inhaling to much smoke, then we all meet in such-and-such a corner of the parking lot. If that is still to close to the building to be safe, depending on the size of the fire, then go to the bar across the street. And just in case you are stupid enough to want to go back in the building for something, we won't let you. You dumb ass."

Yes you read that right. If we can't be safe in our parking lot, then we are all to meet up in the bar across the street. If that does ever happen, I have a feeling some people are going to be throwing their own personal happy hour. And of course we'd still be on the clock.. *giggles*

"Uh yeah, my job is currently burning to the ground. Like, literally. Get me a mother fucking Jack and Coke!"

So yeah. As I'm sure you can tell, I found that endlessly amusing.

I'm still greatly enjoying my job. I am so glad that Master pushed me to apply for the transfer.

Also, the past few days I've been feeling more "up", so that's a great feeling.

I wore make-up to work for the first time today. I only wore eyeshadow. I didn't want to wear anything else with it, but I think it looked nice. And it was a toned down color. A few people commented on it, and said I looked nice. In fact at first they seemed in shock, like they didn't think I ever wore make-up. Oh, if they only knew how I sometimes dress... *laughs*

War Paint

Last night, when I dressed up for Master I also put on eyeshadow and some lipstick. The eyeshadow was silver, and it fucking rocked. I looked hot. :-D

So this morning, as I was getting ready for work I started thinking about make-up. When I first met Master I was 20, and I had never owned a pair of heels and I had never worn make-up seriously. By seriously, I mean that I just messed around with it and basically picked the weirdest colors I could possibly find and wore it, just to fuck around.

Now, while Master prefers a more natural look what He means by that is He doesn't like a shit ton of make-up. Like foundation and blush, and then eyeliner, eyeshadow, lipstick and lip liner.

The only kinds of make-up I have ever worn since meeting Master is eyeshadow, eye liner (although never at the same time, it's one or the other), lipstick and occasionally mascara. Apparently, this is natural enough for Him because He always compliments me when I wear make-up.

So anyway, when I use to wear make-up a lot I referred to it as "war paint". Why? I honestly don't know. But I did.

But now I think of it that way because I noticed that I feel better about myself when I'm wearing it. I feel more beautiful, not so plain I guess. It gives me more self esteem, and makes me feel like I'm putting more effort into my appearance. So I like thinking of it as war paint. Warriors wore war paint not only to blend in but also for courage.

So I like my war paint, and am currently wearing some again.

Before I left for work I sent Master an e-mail (as He was not yet awake) and asked Him if I could wear make-up more often.

This evening once I got home from work, He told me that I am now allowed to wear make-up to work, as long as it's not too whorish.. lol

Speaking of allowed and not allowed, Master is not allowing me to shave my pussy right now. He wants me to grow my landing strip back. I tried while keeping up with my normal shaving other wise and it turned out crooked because lets face it, when it's just stubble, well.. you can't really tell where the lines should be!

So He is having me grow it out, and if I'm really good He'll either A) allow me to shave this weekend or B) He'll do the shaving for me. I would prefer B, but after this itchiness of letting it grow back, I can't say I'd really protest to either.. *giggles*

I Wasn't Always Broken

That was something I said to Master yesterday.

You see, I didn't do my blog post last night because we were busy talking, and then fucking.

Our day had started off well yesterday. I was in a fine mood, and we had fucked, and everything was fine.

Then we went to dinner.

All of a sudden my mood took a dive. I was going into that dark place in my head that is strictly reserved for depression. There's a red velvet rope and everything.

Okay, enough joking.

I honestly don't know what brings these sudden dives in my mood and demeanor on. I have no idea. None. But it happened, and the next thing you know Master and I are arguing. Why are we arguing? Because when I take those sudden dives I suddenly get defensive, and bitchy and well.. just get a fuck you attitude to me. Again, I'm not sure why. Maybe it's a self defense mechanism? Maybe it's me lashing out because I'm confused as to why the hell I'm heading that way again. Maybe it's because I don't realize it at first.

But once we got home He told me that that's what He thought it was. That I was taking a dive towards my depressive state again. And it made me break down. Talking about it is not easy for me. There is a certain stigma associated with mental disorders. And it's not good. So finally, when I allowed myself to talk freely and to cry, and just to let it out I said to Him, "I wasn't always broken."

And that made me cry harder. Because I haven't always suffered from depression. It started when I was about 14. And it's not a constant battle, but it is getting worse as I get older. I have periods of time where I'm fine. I'm in a great mood, or at least a normal mood, and then out of fucking no where here comes that shadow creeping along my brain and bringing with it thoughts I would never have other wise. Thoughts that I only have when my depression hits. Dark thoughts. Very bad thoughts.

And I told Him about them all, even the ones I have never said out loud when I'm alone. I said it then and there for the first time, ever. I won't go into them here, but it's enough that I said them. And it was enough that He listened. And then I said another thing that I didn't think I'd ever admit to. I told Him that I think I need medication. Thankfully my new medical insurance, that will be kicking in next week will cover a psychiatrist. So that's another thing I'll have to add to the list of things to do once my insurance is available.

He agreed that I probably need medication.

He also said that I have to be more consistent. It seems like the only thing I can be consistent with is my job. Every thing else I'll do for a little while, and then let it drop... right around the time these moods hit me. And Master pinpointed it rather well last night. He said that it happens about once every three months and lasts for varying amounts of time.

But I don't want my family to know, and I don't want His family to know. I'd rather our friends didn't either. I know some people will probably say, "That's just going to make you feel worse, like you have to hide it.." and I don't think that's true. I think that sometimes seeking help is a very private thing. I want the only people to know about it to be Master, my therapist, and myself.. and well obviously my readers. But it's different typing it out on a blog, rather than going to my friends, family, and/or in-laws and going "Yeah... I'm in therapy. I'm on medication."

I just... don't want to deal with that. I really don't. Especially from certain people within said groups.

He reminded me that He loves me, will always love me, and that it's hard on Him too. He knows He can't help besides just being there, and that makes Him feel helpless. He sees me struggling, and He sees me hurting from this, and it's like His hands are tied. And I am sorry for that. I don't mean to cause Him pain, or to make Him feel this way. But it just goes to show you how much someone truly loves you, when they are willing to go through this kind of shit with you, just to be with you and have you in their life.

I love Him so much.

After the long talk, and after I stopped crying, we fucked again. And it was amazing.

Today, after work, I came home and Master asked me how I was feeling and I told Him quite honestly that I feel great. I kept myself busy this evening. After dinner we cleaned one of the rabbit cages, took out garbage, and then I did the dishes and cleaned the kitchen counter. Keeping myself busy instead of having a lot of down time where I'm basically just sitting there seems to help. As long as my mind is busy I seem to be able to keep a better grip. And it also makes me feel like I accomplished something, which is always a bonus.

So there you have it. I wasn't always broken. And hopefully soon, I'll be back on track with a good psychiatrist and maybe some happy pills.

But before I end this post I just want to say that my Husband fucking rocks hard core. And I love Him to the very depths of my soul.

Random Saturday

This morning Master woke me up because the dog was bugging him to be taken out. It was about 11am or so, so we both ended up getting out of bed and I took the dog out. After that we tried figuring out what we wanted to do with our Saturday.

Master is pretty restless lately. I'm sure it's due to Him wanting to know if He got that job at the place BC works at. But when He gets restless He's either irritable or is constantly bored. And really, there isn't much to do.I know the feeling. Every once and a while I'll get restless as hell too, and I feel like my skin is to tight and every idea I come up with to entertain myself just sounds boring and I don't want to do it, even though I'm bored with doing nothing at all. It's a sucky ass mood to be in. Hopefully He hears something soon.

I was hoping to take Radar to the park today, but it was to damn hot out. So we looked at the movie listings and saw that The Expendables was playing. Master told me that He thought I didn't want to see it. I told Him that I was on the fence about it, but we might as well go because I knew He wanted to see it, and if anything it would be something to do.

So we go, I was in my new favorite dress. The one Master got for me at the local county fair not that long ago. As usual when we go to the movies, we got there early, got some snacks, and then went to go find our seats.

So we sat down and started munching. Half way through the previews a couple sat behind us. They were loud and annoying almost immediately. Something told me that they weren't going to shut up once the movie started so I asked Master if He wanted to move. He said no, that it should be fine.

That's one thing I really hate about movie theaters... the general public.

Sure as shit through out the entire movie the bitch behind us would not stop reacting to something on the screen every five mother fucking seconds. I would glare over my shoulder or make a remark about it, and Master would tell her to shut up, hell.. the guy sitting with her (I'm assuming it was her man) told her to shut up. And she would apologize to her boyfriend but then five seconds later would start right back up. So I asked Master if He wanted to move, again. He said no, that the noise would just follow us.

So while I was honestly enjoying the movie, this bitch was just pissing me off and I'm sitting there getting more and more annoyed thinking I'd paid good money to see this movie and here this cunt is ruining my good time. So finally, at about the last 15 minutes of the movie when the bitch behind me said something again I stood up and said, "That's enough. I'm moving," and I walked to the opposite end of the aisle we were in (no one else was in it) and sat down. Master stayed where He was. But at least I enjoyed the last 15 minutes of the movie.

When we left I met Master in the main hallway of the movie theater and I told Him that I had actually liked the movie. It's just that the trailers for it had made it seem like it was going to be hokey, although it wasn't at all. I do wish Bruce Willis had been in it more though. I think he's a great actor. But basically, he had a cameo in it and that was it. I do want to see that movie again. At home this time though, where the only people talking would be Master or myself. He really liked the movie as well.

We then went home and I called BC to see if he wanted to come over since his girlfriend was out of town for the weekend. He said he already had plans but would be calling us soon cause apparently he has something on his mind. I asked him to call me once he got out of work, but that didn't happen. I might give him a call tomorrow though to see what was up.

The rest of the evening has been spent with Master and I watching Ghost Adventures.

I'm feeling the need to be creative for some reason. I've been doodling in my down time at work. I've been flipping through the themes here on Word Press, thinking maybe I'd want to change it. But nothing is catching my eye. So I don't know. Maybe I'll just stick with doodling right now.

Wonderful Friday

Today has been absolutely wonderful. I am so glad that I had the day off of work.

I woke up before my alarm went off, surprisingly. It was only by 20 minutes, but still. I'm a bit surprised. Normally on my days off I try to sleep in as much as possible without letting the whole day slip by. So I was honestly a bit surprised when I woke up at 9:40am.

I took the dog out, ran down to the gas station, stopped by back at home to drop off a couple of things I had picked up at the gas station, and then headed down to my mother's.

When I got there my grandfather was also there, surprisingly. As he's getting older he's become less and less social. He'll be 71 in a matter of two weeks. He's honestly just happy that he's made it this far. He's survived three heart attacks (each of which he drove himself to the hospital for, even though it's at least a half hour drive one day, cause he didn't want to call an ambulance and because he's crazy as hell), two quadruple bypass surgeries, and has diabetes. He's a tough old man.

It was nice to see him. Normally I only see him during major holidays. Like I said, he's not that social anymore. So we talked for a few minutes, and then he headed out. From there my mom and I went to a few stores, and went out to lunch. We had a great time. Then I fixed her font problem on her computer. I left there around 2pm, and came home in a great mood.

Master and I sat in the living room and talked while He played video games, and then had dinner and picked up some alcohol. We don't normally keep alcohol in the apartment, because neither of us drink very often. But tonight was just one of those nights where we both wanted a drink. And buying it at a grocery store is a lot cheaper than going out to a bar. Plus now you can't smoke inside a bar. And being a smoker, when I do actually have a drink I want a cigarette. It's like they go hand in hand. So now that there is a smoking ban in restaurants and bars, I don't really feel like going to bars anymore. Especially when I can drink and smoke at home, and not have to tip anyone.

So I just got out of the bath not that long ago, and Master and I are enjoying our drinks. He has Black Jack Cola (basically a Jack and Coke in a bottle) and I'm trying Jack Daniels Lynchburg Lemonade. I love Mike's Hard Lemonade, and I like Jack Daniels, so when I found out that Jack Daniels makes a lemonade drink I had to try it. It's pretty damn good actually.

It feels like a Saturday though. I'm so glad it's not because that means I have two more days off before another work week begins! Yay for three day weekends! :-D

Starting The Weekend Early

I have off of work tomorrow, so tonight is technically the start of my weekend. Yay for three day weekends!

Work went well today, however the work flow pretty much died after my lunch break, so I spent the remaining 4 1/2 hours of work trying to make myself look busy. My trainer said not to worry about it and just take it easy, doing what work I can find. But still. I felt like at any moment I was going to get in trouble for not being productive enough. I think I'm still stuck in that "hurry up and get everything done so you can do someone else's job" mode from my old department. Eventually that will pass.

Master picked me up from work tonight, instead of me riding home with my carpool. No real reason besides Him wanting to and me wanting Him to.

His interview sounds like it went extremely well. They said He should hear something by mid next week.

Also as of September 1st I'll have health and dental insurance again for the first time in 6 years. It's open enrollment at my job right now, and it's so cheap that I decided I should get it, because I really should get to the doctor at some point soon and also if I don't get it now I can't enroll again until August of 2011. So it looks like quite a few dentist and doctor visits are in my future.

I wanted to put Master on my insurance as well, but that would have been $150 every paycheck. Unfortunately I can't afford that. But if Master gets this job He just interviewed for He can enroll in their benefits program. Plus, as usual, He's more worried about me. I've been needing to go to a dentist for about a year now and just haven't had the money. And He's been telling me to go to an ob/gyn and a regular doctor for much longer than that, but again I haven't had the money. And I apparently make to much for the "low income" programs I've looked into.

So yeah.

After Master picked me up we dropped Radar back off at home, and then ran some errands. Tomorrow I'm going down to my mom's to spend the day with her.

Other than that, I'm just sitting here in lingerie enjoying the evening with my Husband.

Same Old, Same Old

Today was a pretty normal Wednesday. As usual it felt like my alarm clock was going off way too early. But part of that is because my left hip was still bothering me when I tried to go to sleep. Every time I started to doze off the pain woke me up. So after about an hour of this I asked Master to put on some pain relieving topical cream. Thankfully that helped quite a bit and I was finally able to sleep. Although I continued to wake up on and off through out the night, due to my leg feeling uncomfortable because my hip was still stiff.

So I got ready for work, reset the alarm for Master and headed to work.

Work went by rather easily today. The work flow was a bit slow, but that's not really a bad thing as it felt kind of like a lazy day. Master went down to B's place of work because B had stopped by last night to drop off an application. They are hiring right now and B had put in a good word for Master.

So Master went there, dropped off the application and had a 45 minute long "pre-interview" with the woman who would be His boss if He got hired on. Shortly after He got home B called and said that she seemed very interested in Master for the position. Sure as shit, the lady called and asked Master to come back tomorrow at 10:30am to have a formal interview with her and her boss.

So I'm keeping my fingers crossed! It would be a great job for Him.

He told me all about it while I was at work, and I'm very excited for Him and grateful that B thought of it.

After work, when I got home, Master and I ate dinner and have just been relaxing. I helped Master cut His hair to make sure He had it straight in the back, and other than that I've been pretty lazy and just trying to relax and chill out.

I'm painting my nails again. I'm on a silver kick right now. Also, apparently on a kick with painting my nails. I don't always do it, but lately I've been grooving on it.

Tomorrow is basically my Friday since I have off on Friday. Yay for three day weekends! *happy dance*

Other than that there isn't a lot to report right now.

Just A Bit More Effort

Most nights I dress up for Master in whatever lingerie He wants me to, or He tells me to decide for myself.

Well last night I took my bath a bit earlier than normal. I honestly don't remember if I had asked Him if He wanted me in lingerie or not. That's the normal routine. I'll ask, He says either yes or no, and we go from there. But I honestly don't remember if I asked Him last night or not.

However, I do remember that before my bath I grabbed a nice slutty slitted dress, and my heels. The dress I'm talking about is one I use to wear when I stripped, and sometimes when we went out (to strip clubs.. it's not something I'd really wear to say.. go to dinner).

So after my bath was over, I peeked out of the bathroom to see if Master was preoccupied. He was. I wanted this to be a surprise since He hadn't seen what I had grabbed to wear.

So I decided to take it a step further and put on some make-up. I hardly ever wear make-up and normally only put it on if we're going out, out... besides dinner. But I figured what's an extra 15 minutes, to look extra nice for Him for a night?

So I put on some lipstick, eye shadow, and mascara. I then pulled the extremely tight dress on, and then slipped into my heels.

Once I was sure everything was in place, I strutted out into the living room. Master was sitting in His recliner playing a video game. But He turned, saw me, and said, "Are you going out tonight?"

I giggled and said, "Yeah babe. Without You."

He chuckled and said, "Like hell you are."

There is no way He'd let me out of the apartment dressed like that without Him. But He knew I was joking around. So I stood there, leaned in for a kiss, and then asked Him if He wanted to fool around.

His initial response wasn't exactly what I was looking for. He said, "Right now?" So I smirked and said, "I'm sorry, I didn't realize we had to wait until bedtime."

I then walked over to the computer desk. Getting more of a look at me and how I was dressed, must have kicked something up in Him though. Next thing I know He's exiting out of His video game and saying, "Get your slutty ass to the bedroom."

Sir, yes Sir!

So I walked to the bedroom and laid down on the bed. The sex was almost immediate and it was very intense and raw, and I loved it.

After He had filled me, and I had a few orgasms myself, He allowed me to get undressed. So I took my heels off first (yes I had kept them on) and then slid out of the dress.

Later in the evening as it was getting closer to bed time I went into the bedroom to find a bra for the next day. As I'm digging through my clothes He comes into the bedroom, pushes me onto the bed and tells me I can look later. He shoved His cock into my mouth and stroked my pussy before flipping me onto my stomach and fucking me until I was quite sore.

After that we went back into the living room (I didn't find a bra until the next morning) and I fell asleep on the couch while He stayed up.

He woke me up at 3am (three hours and 10 minutes before my alarm was going to go off) to move me to the bedroom. Apparently His insomnia is back.

Once we were curled up in bed together, and I was happily passed out once more, I remember having very hot and nasty dreams about that Man of mine. I can't remember the details unfortunately, but still. It kept a smile on my face all day.

And now I'm going to end this post here. My left hip is really bothering me today, and sitting here at the computer is making it worse.

Need -vs- Want

There are plenty of things we, as thinking, breathing beings need. But I think sometimes we get what we need and what we want confused.

We need shelter, food, water, and in this day and age.. income of a sort. A way to provide for ourselves. These are our most basic physical needs.

But there are other sorts of needs as well. Mental stimulation. Emotional stimulation. These needs are not as basic, but are needs never the less.

If you were to have no mental or emotional stimulation you might as well be dead.

To survive, truly all we need are the physical requirements to be met. But to live we need the other things along with it.

But that is where my brain starts to argue with itself. We may think we need something or someone, when in fact, eventually that "need" goes away or we find something else to fill that void. Our existence may not be as fulfilling, or rewarding, but we continue to press forward. Also, our needs change as we grow as a person, get older, find more things out about our selves, or possibly change completely.

And that's where the romance -vs- reality thing starts. I have heard so many people (men and women) say they need someone. A specific someone. Usually someone they are far better off not having.

I don't have many friends these days, and the ones I do have, I don't talk to about such things. But I can sit here and pin point specific moments in time and analyze them. The most crystal clear one is of my mother.

I remember when my father first told my mother that he wanted a divorce. I was at home. I was just a few months shy of my 17th birthday. They were in the dining room and my mother immediately started bawling. He had found someone else. They had been together for 25 years, married for 18 of them.

She thought her world was ending. Never mind my father was not that good to her. Never mind my father can be an extremely selfish person. She thought she needed him. Couldn't live without him. In fact she put up with him bouncing between being a happy husband at home to going off with his girlfriend. See he had changed his mind. He didn't necessarily want a divorce anymore. He wanted to have his wife and family, with a piece of strange on the side.

My mother put up with that for nearly three months before her backbone started to come back. She started to realize her need wasn't really a need at all. It was a want. And just what was she willing to put up with to have him in her life? Apparently she had reached her limit. It was her, or it was the girlfriend. My dad chose the girlfriend and filed for divorce from my mother.

At first, once the reality of the situation sunk in, she was lost. She couldn't cope. She had a bad time, and I remember it all.

But now, she is remarried. Her and her husband have been together for nearly a decade already. The need she thought she had, to have my father in her life, had slowly but surely gone from a need, to a want, to a "get the fuck out of my face". Now the one thing I'm unsure of is if she actually realized that, or if she had just found something to replace it and that's the only reason why she could get past it fully? Of course, meaning her now husband.

My father on the other hand? Well, he's on his second girlfriend and has no direction in any aspect of his life figured out at all. He'll be 49 next month. The grass is always greener, huh Dad?

And I know it's not just women who realize these things. I know men do as well. But I don't have many personal experiences to pull from regarding that.

So sometimes, when these kind of thoughts stir around in your gray matter, it makes you wonder. What exactly is it that I need? And what is it exactly that I want?

Well all my physical requirements are being met. I have food in my stomach. I have water. I have a roof over my head. And I have money in my pocket (although usually not a lot of it.. I still have it).

I have mental stimulation. Although sometimes I prefer feeling a bit brain-dead and not having to think.. *giggles*

I also have emotional stimulation.

So check, check, and check.

So did my mother ever really need my dad? She may have thought so. But no, probably not.

I sometimes wonder if anyone actually ever truly needs anyone. We have strong ties to other people. Ones that would hurt like fucking hell to sever. But they can be severed. Especially under the right circumstances. That, I believe, was the case with my mom regarding my dad. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but the right circumstances finally gnawed it away and she was able to break it.

Does Master need me? He can breathe and continue to exist without me. I know this. I'm not stupid. (Hey now! Stop laughing. I'm really not. Usually.)

But He doesn't want to be without me. Just like I don't want to be without Him. Neither of us want to sever that tie, even though we both possess the power to do so. Which is exactly why we put up with each other's shit. Don't get me wrong, we're not in any sort of trouble. But I put up with His shit, just like He puts up with mine. That's the way any relationship works, whether or not the people in said relationship want to admit it or not.

I'll admit it. I can be an utter bitch on wheels. I know this. Sometimes I'm even proud of that fact. And Master? He can be a complete asshole. And again, sometimes He's proud of that fact. I fuck up. He fucks up. It happens.

So what it really comes down to is a matter of choices, doesn't it? If you cut out the romance and go straight to the logic.

Each day, every person in a relationship (regardless of the dynamic) has a choice to stay or to go. Every day that isn't that great, we either choose to put up with the other person's bad mood or bad timing, or whatever... or we can choose to pack our shit and go.

Some people are rather impulsive. They decide, "Fuck it! You're being a bitch/cunt/asshole/prick! I'm leaving!" Then they pack their stuff, or they throw the other person's shit out, and they leave or make the other person leave. Then, sometimes, once they have calmed down.. they decide they want to take it all back. They want to fix it when it really didn't need to get that bad in the first place. It's a lot harder to fix something after you've picked up a nice hefty sledgehammer and slammed it home a few times.

Me? I'd rather push through the bad times, try to fix it, and try to be calm about it and talk it out. Compromise if need be. I admit that in the heat of the moment it's difficult. But I don't like the games. I don't like the, "Well if you're going to be pissed off, then I'm just gonna leave and wait for you to admit you were wrong and beg for me to come back so I can win this argument!" or the "Let's throw the divorce word around for fun and then later say I didn't mean it!"

It's all shock value. And while shock value can be fun, in certain circumstances, it's not fun for anybody in the relationship when it comes to shit like that. I've been forced to play those games before in past relationships, and I won't do it anymore. You either want me here or you don't. You either want to work this out or you don't. And thankfully Master thinks exactly the same thing on this particular subject, as I do. He doesn't want to play those games either. If either one of us were to actually say the "d-word" (divorce) we would have solid reasons for doing so. It wouldn't be because we were mad over something stupid.

I also believe that all relationships are work. Nothing is perfect. I'm not perfect. Master is not perfect. And so, because of that, we do imperfect things and we piss each other off. Shit happens. But we each choose to work it out, and talk about it, and try to make things better. Every day we are making that decision. Thankfully those decisions are easier when you love someone.

Late Start

Last night around 1am, Master was still watching Stargate and I was laying there on the couch reading a book. I was getting tired of reading, and didn't really want to go back on the computer. So I put my book down and asked Him if He was staying up. He said yes. So I asked permission to sleep on the couch until He was ready to go to bed.

So about two hours later He woke me up and I oh so sexily stumbled my way to the bedroom and plopped down on the bed. He laid down next to me and asked me if I was still tired. I admitted to Him that I was somewhere between being awake and being asleep. Everything had this sort of surreal fuzziness to it.

So He decided I was awake enough for Him to fuck me. *smirks*

He allowed me to cum and filled me with His. After that we laid there, cuddling one another. My new pillows are apparently too fluffy. I couldn't get comfortable. So I put one away, and only slept with the one. It was comfortable, but still kind of weird. For as long as I can remember I've always had two pillows. I'm sure in a few weeks time I'll be back to using two, once the new one is beaten down a bit and not so poofy.

This morning (afternoon?) I didn't wake up until 12:30pm. I couldn't believe it. It's been a long time since I've slept in that late. Master had slept in with me.

So we got up and just kind of relaxed around the apartment, spending time with each other, and the dog.

We eventually ventured out for food, and stopped at the local game store to browse and kill time.

Once we got home we went back to relaxing. I finished my latest book already. It only took me a day and a half. It was a very odd, but good book.

I took my bath and while I was putting on my lingerie for the evening Master's mother called. Apparently her brand new computer gave her the Blue Screen of Death. It was obviously still under warranty, so she has sent it in to be repaired. She said she thinks her and her husband can handle putting it back together and hooking it back up the modem. She is supposed to get it back on Friday. I find that kind of weird, seeing as she dropped it off today. That's 5 days those tech boys have to play with it. And it's something that probably won't take more than a few hours. But they still have her husband's laptop to play on.

My mind has kind of been a mess today. I am finding it difficult to jump start it into coherent thought processes rather than just instinctual reactions. So needless to say my mood has been up, down and sideways today due to that. One minute I'm happy go lucky, the next thing I know I'm kinda pissy about whatever, and then I'm back to just being fine again a few minutes later. Ugh.

One of these days I think I'll have to just sit down and let my fingers walk across the keyboard, without thought behind it. I don't know if it'll be something I post publicly or not. And it's not going to be tonight because my brain is misfiring.

Whatever We Feel Like Sort of Day

That's what today has been. Well except for getting the car an oil change that it was over due for. That was the only thing we had to do today. Everything else was basically just us sitting there, figuring out something to do, and then doing it. I've rather enjoyed it.

I got up at 10:30am and took the car in. It took 45 minutes to do an oil change. That I had an appointment for. And I showed up early. And they got my car back there about 5 minutes after I showed up.*sigh* Seriously? It doesn't take that damn long Mr. Mechanic!

I went by myself and sat in the waiting area reading a book that I brought with me. At some point the mechanic came out to the waiting area and told me that they needed to replace the battery on my car. I cocked an eyebrow. My battery light on the dashboard hasn't come on, like.. ever. And the car has been starting up just fine, running just fine, etc. So he asks me if he can get a price quote for me. I said sure.

So he comes back about five minutes later and tells me it would be $105. I wanted to say, "Fuck you very much." But I was afraid he'd take it as an offer, so instead I said, "No thanks. I'll get it done later."

Then his manager walked out of the room, and he looked over his shoulder and then turned back to me and said, "That's okay. You just might want to get it done before winter hits really hard, just to be on the safe side. It's just getting a little weaker is all. No real rush on it." I nodded and said thank you.

My dad use to love tinkering with cars. In fact he worked at a car parts store for most of his life. The only reason he stopped tinkering with cars is the fact that he has a very bad back now.

And he had a lot of friends that were mechanics. I know they will always find something else wrong with your car, especially when it's about 10 years or older. At least all the mechanics who I've met. But that may be because I'm a petite young(ish) woman who they probably think doesn't even know how to check the oil levels in her own car. Now, I'm not saying I'm not going to change the battery before the heart of winter gets here. Because I will. But I'm not going to pay $105.

So then at the end when I get called up to pay. And the mechanic noticed the tattoos on my arms, and said, "Wow you must really like tattoos."

Again I wanted to say, "No. I hate them. These were given to me while I was being tortured, against my will." But this guy had just leveled with me about the battery, so I decided not to be sarcastic and just said, "Yep. That's why I have 11 of them and will be getting more."

So I got back home and Master was still asleep. So I got undressed and crawled back into bed with Him to wake Him up. We spent some time cuddling together as He slowly woke up. It was really nice.

Master took His showed and we just lazed about the living room for a while. I called SS to see if she would want to hang out this evening. I left her a voice mail but she never called me back. The bitch.

So after a couple of hours to see if she would call back or not, Master and I decided to give up on her.

We then went to the bedroom, 69'd for a while (which we hadn't done in... forever) and then I rode Him until we both came hard and collapsed into more cuddling.

We decided to go to the store and I got two new pillows. My old ones were flat and not as comfortable as they use to be. I like big fluffy pillows. So I got the jumbo sized ones and forced them to fit into my pillow cases. They are super soft. I love them.

We ate dinner, talked, and just relaxed the rest of the evening.

I have fallen into the habit of doing one segment of the exercises on the "DVDs" I have on instant queue on Netflix every other night. So I did one tonight and now Master is watching Star Gate and I'm just kind of hanging out on the computer, taking breaks to read for a while.

It's been a great Saturday, and thankfully it's not over yet.

Daughter-In-Law to the Rescue!

Yesterday Master informed me that we were going to His mother's at 7pm on Friday (today). I wanted to get it done last night, but His mother wasn't going to be home.

So today I went to work, and I started thinking to myself... I thought, "Why the hell don't I just duck out of work a couple of hours early?" Cause other wise I wouldn't have gotten home until about 5:30pm, we would have had maybe a half hour at home, and then we'd be heading right back out now.

So I called Master and He said that was fine with Him, as long as it wouldn't get me in trouble. So I talked to my supervisor and he said that was fine since my trainer was leaving at noon and he wouldn't be able to sit with me. So I spent the three hours after lunch doing my job by myself. You know, the job I haven't learned all the way yet? Yeah. That one. But I think I did pretty damn good! I only had to ask questions a handful of times, and I got a lot done. So I was rather proud of myself.

Plus I had the car today, so leaving work early was easy.

I got home around 3:30pm, which wasn't bad at all considering I stopped at the gas station on the way home to fill up the gas tank.

Master and I relaxed for a while. We had a few hours to kill before we had to leave. At one point He came over to the computer, where I was sitting, and started reading over my shoulder. He grabbed the cigarette out of my hand and took a drag off of it. I leaned back, looked up at Him and said, "Do You want to fool around before we go to Your mother's?"

He smirked and said, "I was just about to order you to the bedroom."

*giggles*

So off we went, where we fucked, and it was great!

So then we went down to His mother's and shortly after I got there His mom showed me the package that contained the "router" that she needed me to install.

Only, it wasn't a router. It was a modem. Damn.

So I had to unhook her old modem (which was ancient) and hook up the new one. It asked me for her network name and password. Of course none of that came with the new modem, so I asked her for the info. She, of course, didn't have it. So we had to call her internet service provider. She gave them permission to talk to me and I had the whole thing hooked up in about twenty minutes. It wouldn't even have taken that long if the person on the other end of the phone (tech support) spoke English as their first language.

We got out of their place around 8:45pm and headed home. I took my bath, and Master is going to have me try and grow my landing strip back. So shaving took a bit longer, cause of course there was only minimal stubble there. So it was kind of hard to tell where the strip should go. But I'll figure it out.

Now I'm off to go take care of the rabbits, and try and figure out how I'm feeling. I'm really up and down right now.

Falling Apart

Hello. My name is Kitten, I'm 27 years old, and I am falling apart apparently.

For the past two weeks my fibromyalgia has been kicking my ass. It comes in waves. One minute it'll be tolerable, and the next I'm ready to cry due to the pain. I don't cry though. I choke back that instinct and fight through it, like I usually do.

And then today my damn head had to join into the mix. It started with pain at the base of my skull. It stayed there for a little while, I rubbed it to try and ease the pain up. Then as the day continued the pain spread from the base of my neck and wrapped around my skull. Kill me now.

So I take two tylenol and do my best to not do any sudden movements with my head or neck. Eventually, it starts to fade away. I basically drank enough water today to drown someone with. I didn't want to drink a lot of soda because when the pain gets that back I start feeling sick to my stomach and that's no fun.

If I had still been in my old position at work I would have called Master to come pick me up and take me home. It was that bad. But since I'm only in my second week of this position I didn't want to take off, so I pushed through it.

By the time I got home from work the migraine was gone, thankfully.

Master and I had dinner and I played around online for a while. Then I took my bath. Master is allowing me to wear a comfy t-shirt for the time being. Then for whatever reason I painted my nails. My toenails are purple with silver stripes on them, and my fingernails are silver with purple stripes on them. Very teenagerish of me, I know. But I still like doing that sort of thing, and I'm still young enough to pull it off. At least in my own mind I am.

Hell, who am I kidding. I'll probably be doing that sort of thing in my 40's.

I also sent an e-mail to Ideal Image, about getting a free consultation about laser hair removal. They do bikini lines, but I want basically all that hair gone. Just. Gone. I told Master about it, and He said that's fine but He wants me to have the ability to have a strip still. So I would get every thing else removed except for that strip. Then when He wants me to have that, I can grow it out. And when He doesn't, that'll be the only part of my pussy I'll have to shave! That would be amazing.

I have no idea how much this sort of thing costs, but they have financing available. Plus if I can't afford it now, that doesn't mean I can't afford it later. It's something I've been thinking about for a long time. I figure I'll get my pussy done first. And if I'm 100% pleased with that, then I'll do the underarms, and then maybe my legs. But I can only do my legs if the laser won't damage my ink. I'd have to ask them about that. And if there is even the slightest risk of it damaging my ink, I won't get my legs done.

Double Take

Praise, no matter where it comes from makes a person feel good. Of course praise will mean more depending on who is saying it. I love getting praise from my Husband. I live for the "good girls" and the random affection. I truly do.

And His praise is the best kind there is. He is my partner in this life, and beyond. So of course His is the best.

But every now and again, it's nice to hear it from other people as well.

Today I ended up doing a double take.

My trainer left work early, because she was not feeling well. So after my lunch break my supervisor came and sat with me to answer my questions and walk me through the parts of my job that I am not familiar with.

I would have dreaded that in my old position. My old supervisor didn't teach so much as he commands. And not in a helpful way. He would talk down to you, get impatient, etc. All and all, he's a complete and utter asshole.

But my new supervisor is awesome. In fact, I can joke with him. *gasp* I can ask him questions and he actually seems to enjoy answering them. He's a super nice guy.

Well, towards the end of the day I had run out of things to do, besides one particular thing that I can do without assistance, as I have learned it rather well and it's a lot easier than other parts of my job. So he was about to go back to his office. He stood up, grabbed his chair, and then lingered there at the edge of my cubicle for a moment. I looked up at him and said, "Thanks for your help, I really appreciate it." Cause I mean, what supervisor do you know doesn't bitch about being taken away from all his work to come help the newbie? None that I've ever met before this one.

He smiled, said it wasn't a problem, and then came the double take moment. He said, "I'm very impressed with how you're doing so far. You're picking this up rather quickly."

*blinks*

Excuse me? Praise from a supervisor without prompting or fishing, that isn't being done during a review? The hell?!

I mean I've had supervisors in the past who obviously knew I was handling my shit, and was doing the best I possibly could. I knew this because they had no problem tossing everything they could at me, and never once bitched at how I handled it. And I have always gotten great reviews, regardless of what type of work it was. But I have never once before today received random praise from a supervisor of mine.

So I think I sat here with my jaw open for a millisecond before I recovered. And I was very sincere when I said, "Thank you. Thank you very much for saying that." He smiled and then went back to his office.

Now, I know certain people at work, who had they heard that just have assumed he was saying that because he might find me attractive. I'm not kidding you. Some bitches at my job (V, some others..) would say that once he was out of ear shot. Why? Because they will do anything they can to tear someone else down, because they aren't the center of attention for that brief period of time.

Not only do I not doll myself up for work, I wear jeans and whatever shirt I feel like wearing that day. I'm dressed like I normally would dress to run errands. The dress code at my job is extremely relaxed because no one ever comes into the building except for employees.

I'm not saying I don't look good in jeans and a t-shirt but it's not like I'm trying, ya know? Plus on top of that, everyone at the company knows how madly in love with his wife he is. And he doesn't have that creepy, "Hey baby.." vibe to him at all.

So I can say without a shadow of a doubt that this praise was strictly based on my job performance. Having brains helps sometimes.

When I got home from work, I told Master about it and He seemed very pleased. We ate dinner, watched a movie, and then I went online for a little while. When I was done on the computer I started walking towards Him to get some affection, but instead He pointed at the floor in front of His chair and then circled His finger, indicating that He wanted me to kneel at His feet with my back to Him.

So I did exactly that. It was much to my pleasant surprise that He gave me a nice long shoulder rub.

I had been stupid and carried way too much at one time at work, so my shoulders were killing me. It felt very good and I wished it could have gone on for the rest of the evening, because I'm greedy. *laughs*

But I was very grateful for the shoulder rub He gave me and I got a nice hug afterward as well. I then took my bath and put on an outfit so I would look nice for Him.

I love it when He gives me shoulder rubs, back rubs, whatever, out of the blue like that.

Once day I hope to earn a full body massage. He is so good at giving those and it feels amazing. This may sound weird, but does anyone else know how fucking good it feels to have your ass massaged? And no I don't mean your asshole I mean your butt. Oh. My. Gods. It feels really damn good, especially when He uses lotion. It's just very relaxing.

Okay. Now that I've left that hint out there *giggles* and have probably made myself seem even more weird than usual, I shall end this post.

The Week Continues..

It's not going by as quickly as last week did, but it's still going a hell of a lot faster than when I was doing my last position at the company, and I am still really enjoying the work.

However, for the last half hour of work I had to basically make myself look busy because I had run out of things to do, and my trainer didn't have anything else for me. She is starting to leave me at my desk alone more and more now. But for the majority of the day she is still sitting beside me, helping me learn. There is so much to learn. So. Much. Some days it feels like my head is full, and I can't possibly fit more information into it. But I know with time and repetition I'll get it.

When I got home from work Master and I ate dinner, and then I did my first round of yoga exercise. They are 10 minute work outs, but I figure a slow start is a good one. Especially since I have never done anything like this before.

I then took my bath and am enjoying the rest of the evening, although there are only two hours left before I must go to bed.

Last night I had passed out on the couch shortly after 10pm. Master didn't wake me, but instead let me sleep. He took care of the dog and the rabbits, which was very sweet of Him. He then woke me up at 2am, when He was heading to bed so we could curl up and sleep next to one another.

Even after so many years of sleeping next to Him every night, I still treasure that. I love sleeping next to Him, being curled up with Him, and sometimes when I can't sleep... watching Him sleep. I hope that never goes away.

Stupid Headache

It needs to rain again. Actually, what I would really like is for a good, hard, loud as hell storm that doesn't knock the power out. Yeah, I'm not being to picky at all right? Right. *pft*

I have this damn headache in my left temple that is slowly but surely spreading it's happy go lucky self across my forehead. And I hate it. I want it to go away and never come back.

I want to read my book, but I don't want to wear my glasses. I've been wearing my glasses for 8 hours today, and after a while, since I don't wear them 24/7, they start to make my eyes hurt. On top of that I wore them for a good chunk of time yesterday since I felt like lazing about on the couch reading. So no more reading for me tonight.

Work went pretty well.

Master's interview turned out to not really be an interview. It turned out to be a bunch of people who got called in for said "interview", when in fact all they did was explain the job and have them fill out an application. You know, the thing Master already filled out online. So that pretty much felt like a wasted trip to Master.

He then surprised His mother by meeting up with her on her lunch break. She seemed to enjoy that. But apparently her router (you know, the one I just fixed) is "broken" and so she had ordered a new one. She is going to have her husband try and set it up, and if that doesn't work then they're going to ask me to fix it.

Also my mother told me that the font size on her computer is to small. I tried walking her through fixing that, but that didn't work. I do better with hands on stuff, and since we don't have the same OS I couldn't follow her step by step, and she isn't very good at explaining what she's looking at. She glides through all the things on the screen, and doesn't slow down. And then I tell her to click on something and she clicks on the wrong thing. I love her, the gods know I do, but sometimes when I try helping her with that kind of stuff I want to reach through the phone and smack her one.

So the next time I go down there (it won't be a special trip this time) she wants me to take a look at it.

I should start my own business with this shit. The problem being I don't know enough to actually do that. I know enough to help with small things, but sooner or later I'd be in way over my head.

So anyway, I looked into the Netflix selections for Yoga and Pilates, and I found a ton of them! Rock on! So I loaded a few into queue and we'll see how that goes. I won't be starting tonight, but hopefully tomorrow? I'll have to try and pry the Xbox controller out of Master's hands for a while. ;-)

Then once I have some of them down, hopefully I won't even need to watch the videos, at least not every time. I know, I know. I'm getting way ahead of myself. But this has to beat a gym membership any day. This way it doesn't cost me extra money, and it doesn't eat up gas in the car, and if it's nasty weather out, it won't matter. Yay!

Thank you for the suggestions ladies!

What Do You Mean the Weekend is Over?

*sigh* It's Sunday evening already. Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my new job, but still.... I wish the weekend had gone by more slowly.

Today was spent taking Radar to a local pet store and returning a toy of his that he was able to destroy in less than 5 minutes even though it was supposed to be a toy made for "aggressive chewers". So we got our money back for that and got him some wheat free dog treats instead.

Then we stopped at a grocery store. Master and Radar stayed in the car while I ran inside to get some things. After that we went home and stayed home. I spent most of the afternoon laying on the couch reading one of my favorite books of all time, "American Gods" by Neil Gaiman.

I also finally started my period today. And it came in kicking and screaming. My entire lower back hates me. And my lower abdomen isn't liking me very much either. Menopause? Hello? Where are you?

I feel older than I am today. I'm not sure why.

Since I will be not getting as much exercise through walking now at work, due to the transfer, Master wants me to start an exercise routine.

I use to do leg lifts and stomach crunches a lot when I was younger. I had a 6-pack at one point actually. Imagine that. A 5ft1 young girl with a 6-pack.

So I shall be looking into different exercises I can do at home without equipment, how many I should be doing a day, etc and so on. If anyone has any suggestions, please feel free to leave them in the comments.

I don't want to be ripped, I just want to be toned. More so than I am now.

MZ, the driver of our carpool has off work tomorrow, Thursday, and Friday. So Master will be taking myself and AM to work those days, and AM's fiance will be taking us home.

Master also has an interview tomorrow. I wish Him a lot of luck!

That's all I really have to say at the moment. I have to go look up directions for Master now.

Day at the Zoo

Today Master and I got up before our alarm went off. So I turned that off and we started getting ready. It's about an hour drive out to his daughter's house, so we left about 15 minutes early so we could put gas in the car and check the air in the tires.

Once that was done, we were on our way.

We got there a few minutes early, but no one seemed to mind. The traffic wasn't nearly as bad as we thought it was going to be. We picked her up, hopped in the car, and then headed to the county zoo. We had to drop her off at 4pm, instead of 3:30pm, but amazingly it took us that entire time to see everything at the zoo! It didn't seem that large the last two times we were there.

But I think part of it is because we actually went into all the buildings, stopped for food a couple of times (mainly snack type food) and even sat down by a pond there for a little while. Master had brought His camera with and snapped some pictures along the way. Him and His daughter went on the sky lift. They only take two people to a seat, so I stayed on the ground as I didn't want to sit by myself on one of them, or next to a stranger. But I enjoyed myself and just watched some of the animals and then took a picture of them on the sky lift as they were coming back towards me.

I have to say that my favorite exhibits consisted of the tigers (duh) and the aquarium. I could have sat there and watched the sharks glide gracefully through the water for hours. But we didn't spend much time in there, and I didn't want to stray to far from Master and His daughter. His daughter was bouncing back and forth between exhibits quite a bit.

Unfortunately, mainly in the buildings, there were a few times where my claustrophobia kicked up, and I had to quickly walk away before I started to have a panic attack. At those times, I didn't say anything, I just walked to a less crowded part of the building and waited.

I was honestly amazed that we were able to fill the entire afternoon at the zoo. Everyone had a really good time. When we dropped her back off, we gave everyone hugs and then Master and I headed home.

We chilled for an hour or so, and then went out to dinner. Master and I had a lot of fun joking around while we ate. I have recently discovered how much I love the strawberry lemonades at Applebees. Yummy!

When we got home I took my bath and read for a while, then Master allowed me to take an hour nap. Now the only sucky thing is that my neck is bothering me.

My shoulder feels better. My mom had given me some new pain relieving cream that warms up, I think it's made by Tylenol. So earlier today, after we got back from the zoo Master put it on. It felt so damn good. I used to have a prescription strength version of that kind of topical cream that worked wonders. But since I don't got to pain management doctors anymore, I don't have the stuff. I had actually forgotten until today how much that sort of thing can help. After this stuff runs out maybe I'll pick up some Icy Hot or Aspercreme.

Long As Hell Day

It started off with me getting up at 6:10am, as usual on a work day. I got ready for work, took the dog out, and then went to work. It was my half day today, so I was only there for four hours, but holy hell... the drama!

All of it surrounding my old department and V getting herself in pretty big trouble. I can't go into a lot of the details because it would reveal a little more than I would like about my job, but needless to say I'll be surprised if she is there much longer. I mean her supervisor (my old one) was so furious at her, that he was actually screaming at her. That isn't professional I know. But holy hell this bitch deserved it.

Okay so moving along.

About 10 minutes after I got home Master and I pile into the car and head down to my mothers. I did end up having to completely wipe her computer. With our computer it's easy to do. You pop in the recovery disc and you go. Well, my mom owns a Dell (gag) with Windows Vista (gag again). So, it's not that damn simple.

First off, there is no actual recovery disc. Oh no. You have to put in the re-installation disc for your operating system (OS), reboot the computer. Boot the computer from the disc rather than the hard drive, go into the disc, and go into the recovery screen. Select command prompt. Format the hard drive, which takes fucking forever. Restart the computer. Boot from the re-installation disc again and install the OS. Once that was done, I took the disc out, rebooted the computer again to be on the safe side, and then messed with her preference. All of this, I kid you not, took me almost two hours. It was a very slow process.

But my mother was so grateful, that I think she was ready to cry. She's in a rough spot financially and has no idea how to do this kind of stuff on her own and isn't tech savvy enough to be walked through it over the phone. Plus the computer didn't have a warranty anymore, so I would have been the one walking her through it on the phone anyway. So at that point I might as well go down there.

So when Master and I got back home we ate dinner, and have been relaxing the rest of the evening. My mom gave me some pain relieving cream that she thinks might help my shoulders, as they are not any better today than they have been all week.

Hopefully it'll work.

Looks Like a Busy Weekend

It looks like it's going to be a busy weekend.

Tomorrow is my half day at work. So I'll get out of work at noon, get home about 12:30pm and will be heading out shortly there after. I think I had posted about how my mother got this really nasty worm, and I have to go down and fix her computer. Well tomorrow is the day. It's a 45 minute drive one way. Then who knows how long fixing the computer. Honestly, I don't mind because she has helped us out so much in the past.

I don't know what time I'll be getting home though, depending on how much of a bitch her computer feels like being.

Then on Saturday, we get to see Master's daughter and take her to the zoo. We are picking her up between 10:30am and 11am, and then going to the zoo. We have to have her back by 3:30pm. So at least we will have a good block of time with her.

Sunday, so far it looks like we don't have anything going on. And between Friday and Saturday I'm glad that we don't. I wouldn't mind a full day of just relaxing at home.

Master thinks I pinched something in my shoulder. My right shoulder especially is giving me a lot of grief this week. It's a lot worse than it has been in quite some time. I know, at least in part, it's my fibromyalgia, but Master may be onto something with the pinched nerve idea.

I found a piece of lingerie, that I literally haven't worn in years, so I put that on tonight. It's almost like having brand new lingerie!

So Damn Tired

I don't know what's up with me lately, but I'm tired the minute I get home and am ready to pass out once my head hits the pillow.

I'm not sick or anything, so I know it's not that. Master thinks that it has to do with starting this new position at work. Part stress, part overload of the brain from shoving so much new information into it. I tend to agree with Him, since it only hit this week.

A good example was tonight. Master and I were watching a movie. He had just finished working on my shoulders since my fibromyalgia is also kicking my tail, and I was laying down on the couch. One minute I'm wide awake watching the movie, the next thing I know Master is telling me to wake up because it's 9pm and time for me to go take my bath.

The fibromyalgia kicking up may also be making me more tired. I've been in a lot of pain lately, and so my body may be responded to that. Whenever my body needs to heal, whether it be from illness, pain from "normal" BS, or injury, the first thing my body does is say, "Oh? We're not feeling 100%? Lets shut down!"

It's weird.

So after Master made sure I was awake, I took my bath, read for a little while, and am now just drifting through cyber space, aimlessly. I still feel tired, even though I must have napped for a good hour to an hour and a half.

Master is being kind and letting me be comfortable in my Alice Cooper t-shirt before I take the dog out this evening.

So yeah, aside from work actually going well and my being tired, there isn't a lot going on that is blog worthy. Hopefully over the weekend I'll get some of my energy back.

Another Quick Day

Last night my entire back felt like it was stiff and unwilling to move. However, Master was horny. So He flipped me onto my stomach, propped pillows underneath my hips and had His way with me.

Having the pillows under me helped quite a bit. At least I wasn't laying flat. I was just used, so no cumming for this Kitten last night. But that was the mood I was in. I can just hear the gasps. A slave? Not wanting to cum?!

No. I'm not running a fever. Seriously. Sometimes I'm just in the mood to be used, to be only for His pleasure. Nothing more, nothing less. And this is just fine with Master. Afterward, He went into the living room to read for a little while, leaving me to drift off to sleep.

Time didn't go as fast today, as it did yesterday. But it still feels like it went by pretty damn fast. I think the training is going well. I ran out of work towards the end of the day, so I was given small projects to work on.

The sucky thing is that the evening seems to be going just as fast. From the time I got home, to just now (almost 9pm) seems to have gone by in the blink of an eye.

We had dinner, watched some Deadliest Warrior, and I took my bath. Now it's only two hours away from bed time.

However, bedtime not being that far away isn't necessarily a bad thing. I'm sore and tired. But now? I think I'm going to go lay down on the couch and watch more Deadliest Warrior with Master.

Great 1st Day

I woke up this morning realizing that today I start my new position at the company I work for. I was excited, and nervous still, naturally.

Once I got to work I stopped being nervous. I do have to admit that learning something completely different at a job you've been working at for almost a year and a half is weird. It's like you know where everything is, but you have no idea what the hell you're doing.

I started off the morning by having a 45 minute conversation with my new supervisor. I like him already. He's very laid back and has said that he doesn't micro manage. He says his philosophy is that we're all adults here, and his only expectations are that we do our job, and tell him if we are overwhelmed or need anything. I think I can handle that.

Then he introduced me to everyone in my new department. I was then introduced to my trainer, and I had to start off my training at her desk since my new computer wasn't set-up completely just yet. But by the time it was time to go to lunch it was ready to go. So I went on my lunch break, clocked back in and continued my day.

Work seemed to fly by. This job is more challenging. There is a lot more to learn, and to remember. I was just so brain dead all day doing my old job. It was the same thing, over, and over, and over again. And I may not be the smartest person on the face of the planet, but for fuck's sake I can do a lot more than that! So I'm glad that I had the guts to go for this new position, and I'm grateful that Master encouraged (pushed?) me to do it.

Before I knew it, it was time to clock out and go home. If I had been doing my other job, it wouldn't have been like that. It hasn't been like that in many, many months. I would say almost a year.

When I got home Master had a surprise for me. He bought me "American Gods" and "Anansi Boys" by Neil Gaiman. I love these books and haven't owned copies of them for a few years now. He told me that they were promotion presents and that He was very proud of me. We then decided to splurge a little bit, and to celebrate by going out to dinner, which was a lot of fun.

I told Master about my day, and I told Him about how I pissed off V... *smirks*

You see, I had to walk by my old department to get to the storage area of the building because I had a broken 10-key calculator sitting at my new desk left over from the last person who sat there. So I had to put it back in the storage room so it could be written off, and a new one be ordered.

Well as I was walking back to my new desk, one of my coworkers who is still in that department stopped me to ask how the training was going. While I was talking to her, V saw me (she was sitting in her cubicle) and very rudely told me to come over by her. So I told her to wait a damn minute, and continued talking to this other person. When I was done talking, I went over to V's desk and asked what she wanted.

She immediately started complaining about the person who took over my old position. She was saying how it wasn't fair that she had to put her work aside to help the new girl. I couldn't help but giggle at that. I mean did those words seriously just come out of her mouth? Yes. I believe they did.

So I simply said that she has to remember that this person is brand spanking new to this job, has never done it before, and that it would take time for her to learn all that she needed to. I then continued, blowing right past her when she tried to talk and said, "Plus how many times did I have to help with your work, and you've been here two years?" She shot me a nasty ass look.

Like I told Master, I think she's just pissed because she doesn't have anyone to carry her anymore, and she knows it. Plus this also means that if she doesn't keep up with her own work, there will be no one to make it up for her, and that will be noticed. And quickly.

I feel no sympathy for this woman. She's going through a divorce, and is a single mother now, but with those things going on, you would think she'd want to work as much as possible. To me that would mean you have to make more money to keep a float. I don't know how many times I've told Master that if I worked as little as she did (hours per week, and productivity wise) we wouldn't have a roof over our heads or food in our stomachs, let alone money to put gas in the car.

I do have to say that if felt really damn good to say that to V. Like. Really. Fucking. Good.

I walked away with a nice smile on my face, and a thumbs up from the coworker who overheard me saying these things.

Master and I, once we got home from dinner, watched "The Hunted" with Tommy Lee Jones. It's a really good movie! If you haven't seen it, you should!

I then took my bath and put on something nice for Master. Now? It's time to just relax. My neck and shoulders and upset with me at the moment due to my having to be kind of hunched over and crunched in at my desk, because my trainer has to sit right next to me.

Busy Sunday

Today was busy, kind of. I mean, I think we got quite a bit accomplished, but it still didn't take up a lot of time. Which I am not complaining about.

We ended up having to go to four different stores today just to get everything the animals needed. Radar came with us, and got to go into two of the four stores. No we did not leave Radar alone in the car. Fuck that! It's fucking hot outside.

I went into the first store and Master and Radar stayed in the air conditioned car while I got the rabbits their food and litter for their cages. It's the only store where we can get both of these things, in the brands we use, at the same time.

Then we go to the usual place that we get Radar's food as he was completely out. Again Master and Radar stayed in the car, while I ran in. No such luck. They were out and wouldn't get a new delivery until Tuesday. Well, our dog has to eat before Tuesday! So I asked her if she knew of another store that sold this particular brand of dog food. He has a wheat allergy, and a somewhat sensitive stomach so I didn't want to get him a different brand, and the kind he's on isn't sold nationally, so a lot of the major pet stores don't sell it.

She did have a suggestion for a store she thought sold it. So off we went! Thankfully Radar was allowed to come into the store with us. And also, they had his food in a 40lbs bag! Yay!

Then after that we went to yet another pet store, and got him some new toys and treats. He is such a mentally active dog that we have to keep a fresh stock of toys around, and keep swapping them out other wise he gets very bored, and very hyper. Even with lots of exercise.

Finally our shopping adventure was done. We went home and Radar had a blast with his new toys.

Master and I relaxed for a little while, and just enjoyed the afternoon. After dinner I took pictures of my new purse and wallet. They aren't the best pictures in the world, cause I'm no photographer, but hey...

[gallery link="file" columns="2" orderby="ID"]

Too cute right? *beams* I love them! The purse isn't a suitcase, but still has plenty of room. Unlike my first purse which was about the same size but basically couldn't hold a lot, and my second purse which was a suitcase. So I threw out the first purse (it was old anyway) and the second one I'm trying to sell.

And I love the wallet. It matches the purse, and also is a lot more compact then my old one. To the point that I could actually put it in my back pocket (if my pants have them) if I don't need my purse.

Then about an hour ago my mother called. It was time to put on my tech support hat again. Poor Mom got virused, and virused hard. I couldn't really walk her through anything over the phone since she has no techie bone in her entire body, and neither does anyone else in that house.

It was getting late, for her, so she said we'd try again tomorrow after I got home from work. Either I would call her as soon as I got home to try and walk her through it. Or I may end up having to go down there. It's a 45 minute drive, but my mom has done a lot in the past to help us, and a little tech support from her daughter is a small price to pay for that. My mom is pretty cool. I don't agree with everything she does, especially regarding my brother, but I love her and she's good to me and my Husband. So I'll help her out.