Need -vs- Want

There are plenty of things we, as thinking, breathing beings need. But I think sometimes we get what we need and what we want confused.

We need shelter, food, water, and in this day and age.. income of a sort. A way to provide for ourselves. These are our most basic physical needs.

But there are other sorts of needs as well. Mental stimulation. Emotional stimulation. These needs are not as basic, but are needs never the less.

If you were to have no mental or emotional stimulation you might as well be dead.

To survive, truly all we need are the physical requirements to be met. But to live we need the other things along with it.

But that is where my brain starts to argue with itself. We may think we need something or someone, when in fact, eventually that "need" goes away or we find something else to fill that void. Our existence may not be as fulfilling, or rewarding, but we continue to press forward. Also, our needs change as we grow as a person, get older, find more things out about our selves, or possibly change completely.

And that's where the romance -vs- reality thing starts. I have heard so many people (men and women) say they need someone. A specific someone. Usually someone they are far better off not having.

I don't have many friends these days, and the ones I do have, I don't talk to about such things. But I can sit here and pin point specific moments in time and analyze them. The most crystal clear one is of my mother.

I remember when my father first told my mother that he wanted a divorce. I was at home. I was just a few months shy of my 17th birthday. They were in the dining room and my mother immediately started bawling. He had found someone else. They had been together for 25 years, married for 18 of them.

She thought her world was ending. Never mind my father was not that good to her. Never mind my father can be an extremely selfish person. She thought she needed him. Couldn't live without him. In fact she put up with him bouncing between being a happy husband at home to going off with his girlfriend. See he had changed his mind. He didn't necessarily want a divorce anymore. He wanted to have his wife and family, with a piece of strange on the side.

My mother put up with that for nearly three months before her backbone started to come back. She started to realize her need wasn't really a need at all. It was a want. And just what was she willing to put up with to have him in her life? Apparently she had reached her limit. It was her, or it was the girlfriend. My dad chose the girlfriend and filed for divorce from my mother.

At first, once the reality of the situation sunk in, she was lost. She couldn't cope. She had a bad time, and I remember it all.

But now, she is remarried. Her and her husband have been together for nearly a decade already. The need she thought she had, to have my father in her life, had slowly but surely gone from a need, to a want, to a "get the fuck out of my face". Now the one thing I'm unsure of is if she actually realized that, or if she had just found something to replace it and that's the only reason why she could get past it fully? Of course, meaning her now husband.

My father on the other hand? Well, he's on his second girlfriend and has no direction in any aspect of his life figured out at all. He'll be 49 next month. The grass is always greener, huh Dad?

And I know it's not just women who realize these things. I know men do as well. But I don't have many personal experiences to pull from regarding that.

So sometimes, when these kind of thoughts stir around in your gray matter, it makes you wonder. What exactly is it that I need? And what is it exactly that I want?

Well all my physical requirements are being met. I have food in my stomach. I have water. I have a roof over my head. And I have money in my pocket (although usually not a lot of it.. I still have it).

I have mental stimulation. Although sometimes I prefer feeling a bit brain-dead and not having to think.. *giggles*

I also have emotional stimulation.

So check, check, and check.

So did my mother ever really need my dad? She may have thought so. But no, probably not.

I sometimes wonder if anyone actually ever truly needs anyone. We have strong ties to other people. Ones that would hurt like fucking hell to sever. But they can be severed. Especially under the right circumstances. That, I believe, was the case with my mom regarding my dad. It hurt like a son of a bitch, but the right circumstances finally gnawed it away and she was able to break it.

Does Master need me? He can breathe and continue to exist without me. I know this. I'm not stupid. (Hey now! Stop laughing. I'm really not. Usually.)

But He doesn't want to be without me. Just like I don't want to be without Him. Neither of us want to sever that tie, even though we both possess the power to do so. Which is exactly why we put up with each other's shit. Don't get me wrong, we're not in any sort of trouble. But I put up with His shit, just like He puts up with mine. That's the way any relationship works, whether or not the people in said relationship want to admit it or not.

I'll admit it. I can be an utter bitch on wheels. I know this. Sometimes I'm even proud of that fact. And Master? He can be a complete asshole. And again, sometimes He's proud of that fact. I fuck up. He fucks up. It happens.

So what it really comes down to is a matter of choices, doesn't it? If you cut out the romance and go straight to the logic.

Each day, every person in a relationship (regardless of the dynamic) has a choice to stay or to go. Every day that isn't that great, we either choose to put up with the other person's bad mood or bad timing, or whatever... or we can choose to pack our shit and go.

Some people are rather impulsive. They decide, "Fuck it! You're being a bitch/cunt/asshole/prick! I'm leaving!" Then they pack their stuff, or they throw the other person's shit out, and they leave or make the other person leave. Then, sometimes, once they have calmed down.. they decide they want to take it all back. They want to fix it when it really didn't need to get that bad in the first place. It's a lot harder to fix something after you've picked up a nice hefty sledgehammer and slammed it home a few times.

Me? I'd rather push through the bad times, try to fix it, and try to be calm about it and talk it out. Compromise if need be. I admit that in the heat of the moment it's difficult. But I don't like the games. I don't like the, "Well if you're going to be pissed off, then I'm just gonna leave and wait for you to admit you were wrong and beg for me to come back so I can win this argument!" or the "Let's throw the divorce word around for fun and then later say I didn't mean it!"

It's all shock value. And while shock value can be fun, in certain circumstances, it's not fun for anybody in the relationship when it comes to shit like that. I've been forced to play those games before in past relationships, and I won't do it anymore. You either want me here or you don't. You either want to work this out or you don't. And thankfully Master thinks exactly the same thing on this particular subject, as I do. He doesn't want to play those games either. If either one of us were to actually say the "d-word" (divorce) we would have solid reasons for doing so. It wouldn't be because we were mad over something stupid.

I also believe that all relationships are work. Nothing is perfect. I'm not perfect. Master is not perfect. And so, because of that, we do imperfect things and we piss each other off. Shit happens. But we each choose to work it out, and talk about it, and try to make things better. Every day we are making that decision. Thankfully those decisions are easier when you love someone.