End of the Day

Today I had let all the little things pile up. This has nothing to do with my depression, as I have been clear headed today. But for some stupid as hell reason, I let all the little things that have annoyed me or ticked me off over a period of time. And then I basically picked a fight with my Husband so I could vent them.

Stupid move. Very, very stupid move. We both said hurtful things but then we calmed down and we had a deep talk about it all. And I admitted that the only reason I get bitchy about the little things is because I don't have control of the larger problems, just yet. Such as my depression. My insurance website has been down all weekend so I haven't been able to look into what psychiatrists take my insurance that are near my home, and that upset me. And then there is the finances issue. It's getting closer to September 7th, which is when Master should find out whether or not He has that job at BC's place of employment.

I apologized. But I still feel bad.

I love my Husband, very much. But sometimes when stress building up and you have nothing else to lash out on, you find the dumbest thing in the world and pick that to focus your anger/frustration on.

And that's what I did today.

And I am very sorry for that.

I told Him that once I get a grip on the larger things, I'll be better. I'm going to try and be better before that though. I really am. I'll be looking into my depression thing tomorrow once I get home from work. And hopefully soon He'll be working and that will kill a lot of the stress we both have right then and there.

In other news, His mother called here and invited us out to dinner this Friday. We said that would be fine. She then said that her husband's son's fiance (did we all follow that bouncing ball?) had suggested it since they were going to be in town this weekend. She said, "Why don't you invite our step siblings?"

That kind of sucked. First off, I dislike it when Master is referred to as their step brother. Why? Because when His mother and her husband got married Master was 34. At that point the whole "step" thing is really just a legality and has nothing to do with anything. He doesn't need a step father or a step brother at 34. Let alone now, at 35. So that just kind of irked me.

And it pissed us both off that it took this bitch suggesting it, rather than His mother thinking of it on her own to say, "Hey yeah... maybe we should include my only child and His wife. You know.. those people who do me favors all the time."

So one thing that I said to Master, after we were done discussing this whole thing about Friday, was that.. "Well babe. At the end of the day, it's just me and You."

Sometimes, when you're angry about dumb stuff. Or you're just not in a good mood... You forget that. Well, not forget. But you lose sight of it for those small periods of time.

And that's a damn shame. Because nothing has been more true. At the end of the day, it is just Him and myself. We don't have to deal with anyone else on a daily basis. And this is our marriage that we're talking about here. Not some fling.

I need to take better care of myself, and I need to be a better wife.