Sorting It All Out

Before I get into the meat of this post, first I'll talk about yesterday.

I went to work, and while I was there Master talked to SS and she had been saying how long of a week she had and how she just wanted to relax. So she asked Him to call her when I got out of work and maybe we could figure something out.

Well, Master picked me up from work and on the ride home He had me call SS. I told her that we are pretty much broke at the moment and so couldn't afford to go out. She said that was fine, she didn't really feel like going out anyway. She then asked if we would mind if she just came over. Of course not! Actually this is the first time she would ever be at our apartment because she is rather new to our circle of friends. (Well not new. Master knew her in high school, but they hadn't talked in about 14 years.) So we went home, ate dinner, and then we tidied up the apartment a bit. She called once she got close so we could give her more specific directions. She brought over a case of Mike's Hard Lemonade, which was very nice of her. So we sat around, had a couple of drinks and just talked. And it was wonderful.

We all had a great time. She got to vent, and Master and I were able to have a conversation with a friend of ours that didn't revolve around video games or work. In fact she is an extremely easy person to talk to. I really enjoyed her company.

She left around midnight and Master and I stayed up a bit longer before going to bed, at which time I was exhausted. I had been up since about 6:30am and now it was almost 3am. Yeah. Tired Kitten.

Today Master and I did grocery shopping and that was about it. We watched a couple of movies and then, since He had given me until Sunday to say what I wanted to do, I sat on my  slave mat and we started talking. It turned into a very long discussion.

I said maybe if we just backed off on the strictness of the routines I wouldn't feel like I was so crunched for time and end up feeling resentful because of it. And He wouldn't feel like He was having to remind/correct me so often because I wouldn't slip due to the lack of resentful feelings. Ya know that sort of thing. Well we went round and round with how tearing it down to what it used to be didn't make sense, but ending up back in a rut didn't make sense either.

And see, that's my biggest gripe. When I am behaving myself for an extended period of time I end up feeling like I'm maintaining myself and there is a lack of interaction as well as a lack of spontaneity. I feel like when I'm behaving myself we just end up in another form of a rut. Do this at this time, do that at that time, repeat. Ya know?

And He said His biggest gripe was the fact that He would tell me to be more verbal in what I want or take more initiative physically, and I wouldn't because I had this whole mental block about that being topping from the bottom or getting out of my place because it's not about what I want, it's about what He wants. Never mind the fact that me being more verbal and more "aggressive" physical is what He wants.

It's all sorts of fucked up, in that sense.

So finally, at the end of our conversation He suggested that perhaps to keep us from getting into a rut, making it more spontaneous and to basically help me get rid of said mental block... we're going to relax things around here.

I can beg and scent when I want to, basically when the mood strikes. No set time periods (it was once every two hours). If I want things done a certain way sexually I can say it or initiate it on my own without just hoping that He'll take my subtle hints.

Bye bye mental block. Goodbye set routine, which leads to lack of spontaneity.

He's still in charge. It's just no routine. There are still rules, but not a routine. I still ask to use the bathroom or a number of other things. He still gives orders. It's just more of a relaxed atmosphere.

And some may say, "Oh no! You can't do that. There has to be protocol! There has to be a routine!"

Well I'm sorry but after 6 1/2 years of routine.... yeah. It gets to the point where it feels like you're going through the motions.

We have decided to give this whole relaxed atmosphere a try for one month. So on November 11th we will sit down and talk about it to see how it's working for both of us.

I'm His property. I do what He tells me to do.

It's just that there is no rigid (sometimes suffocating) structure of routines and time schedules.

And quite honestly that is always what would get me in trouble (besides my tone of voice) not following the routine(s). I would beg as often as I should. I wouldn't scent as often as I should. Etc and so on, because it would become such a routine that it was like "Gah! Again already?" And then because He knows that's what I was supposed to be doing, and He knew that I know that's what I was supposed to be doing.. it would piss Him off because I wasn't following that.

And I would get pissed off because I wasn't feeling like there was anything spontaneous happening in our relationship anymore.

This is the longest relationship either of us have had. And I'm not sure if that plays into it or not. But maybe this will be exactly what we need. If not, we will reassess.

That's the wonderful thing about our relationship. We're always willing to try new things to see what works best for us. And sometimes, after a while.. that's what you need to do. Try something new. Plus people grow and relationships grow. You just have to be willing to grow with them.