Honest Blogger

Lexa has tagged me to do this meme.

The rules are that I have to write 10 honest things about myself. Also, I am supposed to tag 7 bloggers. Well I'm skipping the tagging of 7 specific bloggers because well, I'm a little late in this game. So if anyone wants to do this, feel free!

Okay, so 10 honest things about myself. Here we go.

1. I sometimes wonder why I allow certain people to still be in my life. I struggle with wanting to try and help them, but also realizing that if they wanted help they would need to make the first move. And when that first move doesn't happen I want to cut them off. I think that the reason I am so quick to go from one extreme to the other, is because I'm almost afraid of them tainting me. As if their behavior is going to somehow rub off on me and make me like them. Or like their stress and drama are going to suck me into a black hole that I can't get out of.


2. I never ran away from home when I was growing up. Although to be perfectly honest, it was tempting sometimes. My parents were locked in a loveless marriage for most of my pre-teen and teenage years. They would fight, yell, or simple ignore each other. I don't know why I never tried to run away. My parents divorced when I was 16.


3. I have panic attacks. Thankfully they are not that extreme. The most that happens is that my heart races, my chest will hurt, and that whole "fight or flight" response becomes very strong. I can control it though. I've never totally freaked out from them. Normally all I have to do is sit down, and control my breathing for a little while.


4. I used to worry, in the beginning of our relationship, that once I was no longer "barely legal" that Master would leave me. I was 20 when we first met. I am now 26, and we are still very much in love and very happy together. They were the scared thoughts of a previously mentally abused young adult. I no longer worry about it.


5. I used to want to be a mortician. The science of it still fascinates me, but I know I will never pursue that career choice. I am happy being in an office doing data entry.


6. I worry endlessly about my Husband's health. This is not a surprise to anyone, I'm sure. Due to His blood disorder, and knowing that the flu can kill Him. Yeah, I freak out when He has a cold. But I don't freak out to the point where I become useless. I actually become highly overprotective. I become militant with doctors and nurses and don't leave His side unless it is absolutely necessary.


7. I sometimes wish I would have finished getting my web development associates degree. It wouldn't help me, in the least, with my current job. I really just wanted it to say I had it and so I could maybe design websites on the side as a sort of an home business.


8. I love older muscle cars. Love them. I wish I owned a 1987 Monte Carlo SS. My dad used to drag us to car shows when I was growing up. In fact we never actually had a family vacation. The only time we ever went anywhere was to either go to a car show, buy car parts, buy an older car my dad wanted, or to visit family. To be perfectly honest the only time I have ever traveled purely for pleasure, was our honeymoon. And that was only about an hour's drive. Every other time, it's been for car stuff, work related, or to visit family.


9. I really hope that at some point in the future Master and I can go on a nice long road trip. I want to be able to just take like a week or maybe longer and just go. The reason I would prefer a road trip is so we can stop when we want to, get out, look around, get back in the car, and keep going. I would absolutely love that.


10. You know that scar on the left side of my chest that I always talk about? The one that Master gave me with a knife? Yeah. That one. When it was first done, I would constantly take the scab off of it because I wanted to make sure it would be a deep scar. I didn't want it to be barely noticeable. I wanted it to be as visible as possible. I rub it sometimes, without even realizing I'm doing it until Master says something. It is the one thing that Master has given me (besides the tattoos He's designed) that is physical in nature that I can never lose and can never be stolen or taken away. I think that is why I love it so much.