If You Don't Like Somewhat Spiritual Posts.. Don't Read This

You have been warned.

Last night, when I did my last post (which quite honestly I don't completely remember doing) I never thought I would be able to go to sleep. But as soon as the post was done, and I sat there looking at the screen trying to think of what to do next, it was like I was bitch slapped with some sort of tranquilizer. I was suddenly exhausted.

Apparently, Mother Wolf wanted to talk and she wanted to talk now.

I made my way to the bedroom, crawled into my side of the bed, kissed Master's shoulder as He slept, and as soon as my head hit the pillow and I was nice and warm inside the blanket, I was out.

Some of you may know that I follow the Medicine Path. And I seek guidance from the spirits that are most closely related to me, or seem to be around me at that point in time. I was born under Wolf. I see her as female, hence why I call her Mother Wolf.

Well this time she seems to have decided I wasn't going to have the luxury of seeking her out. She was coming to me this time.

And so, without going into everything, because it is highly personal and I'm sure most of you would think I was nuts, or just wouldn't understand.. I'll put it this way:

I wasn't listening to my Alpha. I was not doing my part within the pack. I also was not communicating what I need from my Alpha. Cause ya know, He's not a mind reader. Although sometimes you would think He is.

I would use actions rather than words to try and get what I wanted. I would nuzzle or gently hug and expect more of a reaction than what I was getting. And then being disappointed, hurt, and annoyed, when He wasn't picking up on my subtle hints. Ya know, cause I'm a dumb ass.

As Master said in His comment, we always have stress of one kind or another. And I was doing just fine. Why this time, with this stress (which is honestly nothing new) is it acceptable for me not to be begging when I'm supposed to? Why is okay if I just don't feel like scenting or doing chores. Etc and so on.

Well after the nice long talk with Mother Wolf and thinking on it basically all day at work today, when Master picked me up and we got home I immediatley took out the dog (like I am supposed to when I get home). Then I did a few things that Master told me to do. Then I cleaned up my clothes off of the recliner, which is where I normally lazily toss them as soon as I get undressed. I put on my "service outfit" which is an outfit that Master really likes that He had said I am to wear unless He tells me to be naked or to wear something else when we're home.I also put on my slave anklets, which I wear at home.

After that we ate dinner and I have been affectionate with Master and He has been affectionate as well. I've begged. We've talked. And I can feel that connection coming back online.

I'm not saying everything is fixed. But I don't really want to think of it all in terms of fixed or broken. It's work, constant work. So either I'm trying or I'm not. So each day I have to try. If I don't try, then it'll be fairly obvious.

Same with Master. If He's not trying, it'll be obvious. The more effort we put forth, the better things are. The more we get in return. The less effort we put forth, well.. we'll end up back in that rut that we both hate.

So yes, I am feeling a hundred times better today. I'm taking it a day at a time. Stress or moods will affect things, on both ends. Either His or mine. But that's part of taking it a day at a time instead of lumping it all together in one big blur.

Oh yes. I know what my rules are, and have been for years now, it's just following them. And also not making them feel like a rut themselves. Like I don't want to feel like a robot of "Do this. Done. Do that. Done. Repeat."

And so I've been trying to enter my playfulness a little bit more into what my rules are. Like being affectionate, begging, things of that nature. Well, not all rules or chores are sexy. (No?! Really!?) But the ones that are, or can be, why not have a bit more fun with them? ;-)