Icing on the Cake

Master and I had a good day today. And having great sex was just the icing on the cake. *smirks*

We haven't been having sex a lot lately. It seems it's either one thing or another. Or sometimes it's a combination of things. His back has been pretty bad lately. Then I've been falling asleep early and just feeling completely drained. So yeah, for a little while now it's been a little on the back burner I guess. Normally we'll fuck quite often through out the week, but lately it's been once or twice a week. There has just been a lot of shit going down and add on top of that the stuff I listed above... yeah. Sex hasn't really been in the forefront of either our minds.

But today we made up for it. We were sitting there watching TV and when an episode ended and another was about to begin Master said He wanted to go fool around. No complaints here.

He actually had to tail His hair today. It's at the length where it's always in His face. Once it gets longer it won't be an issue though.

He sucked and nipped at my tits before chewing on them for a little while. I was stroking His cock as He did so. He asked me if I wanted to be eaten out or to just fuck. I grabbed His cock more firmly, smirked and said I just wanted to fuck.

He forced my legs apart and as He knelt between my legs I reached over and gently pulled His arm over me and slid my grip up to His wrist and placed His hand on my throat. He knew what I needed. He pressed down on my throat and gripped it harder while He rubbed the head of His cock against my slit.

When He forced His cock inside of me He dug His fingers into the side of my neck while applying more pressure. It wasn't long before He ordered me to cum. He told me to either cum or pass out. Yes, His grip was tight enough where all He really had to do was add a tiny bit more pressure and He could have easily made me pass out.

I got off really fucking hard. That kind of shit turns me on and He knows it. He loves that about me.

After telling me to get off a two more times He pulled out, grabbed my ankles and flipped me onto my stomach. He started off by opening my legs wide and tucking His feet under my legs, forcing them farther apart. He would normally have pinned me down by gripping my wrists and leaning over me. But not this time.

He wrapped my hair around His hand and pinned my face to the mattress. I couldn't have moved without ripping hair out. It was a very tight grip. He placed His other hand on my shoulder and proceeded to use me for His pleasure only. I was no longer allowed to cum. He eventually let go of my hair and had me close my legs and cross my legs at the ankles. He placed one hand on my shoulder and the other on my lower back and pumped His cock inside me until He came.

We were both sweating afterward.

We broke the mini drought.

Episode

I know that my medication is not a cure. It's something to help keep me stable. Note the word help. It can't stop everything. It can't make me "normal".

However, it has helped a lot. I haven't had any blow ups or severe depression in a long time. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had either of those. That's not to say I don't dip my toes into those extremes from time to time. Like I said, my medication is not a cure. But it's a world of difference. As much as I was fighting being put on medication due to past experiences, I'm so glad that I was finally willing to give it a shot. I'm a better person with the medication.

Today though, I had a small "episode". Yeah. I guess that is what you would call it.

I had an anxiety/panic attack of sorts. I got to work an hour and a half early. I had slept for shit last night. I think I got at most four hours of broken sleep. I was up and down and tossing and turning. In fact, I got up twice really close to when the alarm was going to go off. One time around 4am and the other around 5am. When the alarm did go off at 5:20am I hadn't really gone back to sleep. I was just laying there with my eyes closed.

Anyway, I was fine until just before my lunch break. I suddenly had this antsy feeling. I went on lunch and went outside. Maybe the fresh air would help. Nope. If anything it made it slightly worse. I was having the kind of anxiety attack where I just wanted to go. It wasn't because of the normal I just don't want to be at work thing. This was I have to get out. I need to go. I started to feel slightly claustrophobic at the thought of going back inside.

My heart was racing on and off. I couldn't calm down all the way. I didn't freak the fuck out or anything. I just felt very, very anxious. I called Master and told Him what was going on. He talked to me and that did help. His voice was calm and He told me to breathe. I was rambling on about a mile a minute and I knew it. I then blurted out that I wanted to leave work early.

Yes, I know.. I'm putting in extra hours and I'm going to leave early? Seriously? But Master agreed that it might be best. After all, it hasn't been that bad in a very long time. I was only going to leave an hour and a half early though. I just had to get through three more hours. That's all I had to do. I calmed down a little bit because I continued to remind myself that I would leave soon and go home.

I felt a lot better on the drive home though. Sometimes going for a drive helps me a lot. So a forty-five minute drive calmed me down. I was still a little wound up when I walked in the door. Master gave me a big hug and I've pretty much just been slowly getting back to normal, or what passes as normal for me, since then.

Hello, I Love You....

I am not talented when it comes to music. I don't know how to play an instrument. I sure in the hell cannot sing. Obviously, that doesn't stop me from trying when I'm by myself or it's just Master and I in the car. But, who doesn't do that? I mean come on now.

A lot of people seem to think that I have an odd taste in music for my age. I'm into rock, hard rock, heavy metal. Okay, so no real big surprise there. Although it does seem like a lot of people my age prefer more rap and boy band shit. *shudders* Anyway, the genre isn't really the surprising part. It's the fact that I prefer a lot of bands that have been around since before I was born or became famous around the same time as I was born. My dad listened to all of it and I love it.

I don't like grunge rock. I don't like punk rock either. I love some newer/newish bands. Disturbed being a prime example. They aren't really new, but they also aren't as old as the bands I'm referring to.

"So shut up and start naming bands damn it!"

Oh. Right. Sorry...

I love Alice Cooper, KISS, The Doors, Ted Nugent. Well, I like Ted Nugent musically... he's gone more and more guano over the years.(King Diamond is another rocking singer... not really along the same vein though and I didn't know about him until after I met Master.)

Basically the bands that were huge in the 70's and 80's. I'm 30 years old. So yeah, that doesn't make a shit ton of sense since my entire teenage years were in the 90's. And normally that's when people find the music they love and it's normally popular when they are that age.

Not me. My friends were listening to New Kids On The Block and Back Street Boys, which I had to suffer through. But then I'd pop in a one of my tapes or CDs and watch them squirm. *laughs*

One thing that I've always loved though is when people find out that I love those kinds of bands and they ask me whether I'm a Pink Floyd fan or Led Zeppelin. It's almost like you can't be a fan of both... The way they put that question. And yes, I've been asked this more than once. Now, while I do like both bands I prefer Led Zeppelin. However, my answer is always The Doors. I've always thought they were better than both Floyd and Led. That answer pisses a lot of people off though, which is funny.

I had a Doors song stuck in my head all fucking day, which is actually what prompted this post.

Useful

Master and I were talking about my blog for a few minutes prior to my doing this post. I had asked Him what I should post about. He said He had no idea. Well, neither do I. So, I asked Him if He still found this blog useful.

It all started off with a hand written journal. We only saw each other twice a week for the first two years of our relationship due to the distance between us. Oh, and He would sleep over one night a month. It sucked, but what are ya gonna do? If You want to make it work you take what you can get and make the best of it. The hand written journal was so He could read what had been on my mind during the rest of the week, when He wasn't there. It gave Him more of an insight. Plus we had just started the dynamic as well as the relationship. We were in the early stages of both.

When we started living together it was still a hand written journal. It wasn't until we were married that it went from a hand written journal to a blog. Part of the reason why is because it's easier for me to do. It's also easier for Him to read. We were running out of room to put the hand written journals too.

Things still come across my mind that deal with the dynamic and my thoughts and feelings. But lately it's been day to day shit, work, and stress.

That's it.

And it sucks. But at the same time there isn't really a lot going on where I need to post about the dynamic itself. When it was all ups and downs before I was medicated it helped us both. A lot actually. But I'm "stable" now and haven't questioned our dynamic since being medicated.

His answer to my question was that He does find it useful when it's about my thoughts and feelings. But when it's the day to day shit, no He does not. And I understand that. Just as I don't really find it useful unless I'm venting, pouring out my thoughts, or writing about really incredible sex. (The sex thing is just so I can mentally relive it...)

Does that mean this blog is coming down? No. Does that mean I'll be posting less? No. Master has not said I can go down from posting every day, so unless He tells me I don't have to post or I ask permission to skip it and He grants it... I'll continue to post everyday.

I hope I stumble onto an interesting topic soon.

For Me

Master always tells me I need to buy things for myself more frequently. Well, I've done rather well this past month on doing that. I bought myself two t-shirts a couple of weeks ago. And then today I bought two things for myself.

I know that buying four things for yourself within the span of a month may not sound like a lot, but for me it really is. I'm always more concerned with getting stuff for Him or stuff for us when we have "spare" money. For Him, it's normally something I know He wants and/or really likes. For us, it's normally a DVD we both want or something along those lines. And by "spare" money I mean money that we don't need to spend on bills, the animals, groceries, gas in the car, or things for the household. You know, basic stuff.

After I got out of work today, I had to run a couple of errands before going home. I had spoken with Master earlier and He asked me to try and find flints for His zippo lighter. They don't sell them at the gas station we always go to. I found that kind of odd honestly. But I had to run to the grocery store to get soda and lighter fluid for the grill. I figured that while I was there, I might as well ask them if they sell any. Nope. Well, son of a bitch.

On the way back home from the grocery store there is a Walgreens. Hey. It's worth a shot and it's not out of my way. So I stopped in and sure as shit they had the damn things. Mission accomplished. Master was very pleased.

Somethings sparked the conversation of how I had promised I would buy myself either a new pair or shorts or a new skirt or a new dress. I have some, but not many and Master wants me to add to that particular section of my wardrobe.

I explained that I would need sandals too because I want some summer dresses that I can comfortable wear out and about and my heels wouldn't really work too well with that. He looked at me as if to say, "And?"

Like I said I'm a bit stingy when it comes to spending money on myself. But, since we didn't have anything really going on I asked Him if He wanted to come with me to the store so I could look at some. He said sure, why the hell not.

We found a dress almost immediately. It is a cute little summer dress. It's black and... get this... has little white skulls all over it. It was right out in front in plain sight. I took it off the rack thinking that it probably wasn't my size, because that's normally how things turn out for me. But it was the exact size I needed! *insert shocked face here* And? It was on sale! So yeah, I bought that. And I also found some sandals! They weren't quite what I had in mind but they are cute and will work just fine. I got Master's approval on both items and He said He liked both.

When we got back home I tried the dress on. (I hate dressing rooms. Unless they are pants, I normally don't try things on at the store. The kind of dress I bought was a small, medium, or large.. not a specific dress size otherwise I would have tried it on prior to buying it.)

Master loves it on me and I love it in general. The sandals are really comfortable as well. I didn't spend as much money as I thought I would, which also makes me happy.

I promised Master that I'll buy another dress or two next month. So while these items were for me.. they are kind of for Him too. *smirks*

Fast Forward

Well.... this weekend fucking flew by. It was a good weekend though. It was a shit ton of running around but it was still a good one. I enjoyed seeing everyone we visited.

Today I slept in later than I intended. Then again, I normally do on Sundays. I just might have to start setting up a late morning alarm so I don't sleep until fucking noon. I mean, it's great to be able to know that I can. But then my whole damn Sunday is gone. For instance, right now I can't believe it's already 7:45pm. And it's not like we did anything to make time fly by. Master has played His video games on and off. I've played Candy Crush on and off. We watched a movie. I had to run to the gas station to put gas in the car so I don't have to do it tomorrow before work.

We put together a grill. My mother had bought a small one as a belated birthday present for Master. It's like a camping sized one basically. But it's a really nice two-tiered design with legs that fold. It took a little longer to put together than we originally thought, but it's awesome. We wanted to use it tonight but it was too damn hot outside to sit right next to a grill. As a result we ended up just getting drive-thru and calling it a day.

Master was kind enough to work on my back after dinner. It feels a lot better now. I was a little crabby because it was just so damn tense. I feel better though. I don't feel grumpy.

It sucks that we all spend most of our lives wanting to hit a fast forward button. We want to fast forward through our work hours so we can go home. We want to fast forward to the weekend so we don't have to deal with work bullshit for two days. We want to fast forward to a vacation, if you are going to be taking one. That's kind of the way I feel now. It's not even Monday morning and I already want to skip this week. It's going to be a long one, I know that already. But after this work week I only have a three day work week thanks to Independence Day. We get the 4th off, which happens to land on a Thursday this year. And since the following day is my half day I just took that off.

*sigh* Where is that damn remote anyway?

Visiting Family

I was right. This weekend has been busy as hell. Yesterday kicked off for me at 6am. I knocked out four and a half hours of work, dropped the passenger in my carpool off and literally pulled up to the apartment building and called Master from my cell phone to let Him know that I was outside. When He said He was on His way I climbed into the passenger seat so He could drive.

Yes, I could have easily just opened the door and then gotten in on the passenger side, but where the hell is the fun in that? I'd much rather climb over the console and plop down in the passenger seat. Plus.. I'm petite and sometimes that comes in handy. That was one of those times.

I was already running 10 minutes late so I was worried about getting there on time. We were already cutting it close before I was running late. On the ride there traffic was damn near bumper to bumper at about the half way point and it stayed that way for most of the rest of the drive. So I called my father-in-law to let him know we were running late.

I hate running late. In some magical way we ended up only being 10 minutes late though. So not too bad. His dad and his two youngest sisters were there. We all had a great time and stayed there for about two to two and a half hours.

After we said goodbye we went home just long enough for us to take the dog out and feed him. We headed right back out. We went down to my dad's and had a really good time there too. We took more pictures of his stuff for eBay and then hung out for a while. We stayed about three hours.

We got home right around 9pm. The rest of the night was spend just relaxing and then of course fucking. We ended up going to sleep around 1:30am which is rather early for us on a Friday.

Today I went down to see my mom. Master was going to come with but He was not feeling well at all this morning due to His allergies seriously messing with Him. So I went down by myself. She had a surprise for Master though. As a late birthday present she got us a new small charcoal grill. By small I mean something a little bigger than a camping grill. We don't have a need for a regular sized grill since we only ever use it for the two of us. I hope that at some point this summer my brother will come up for a weekend and we can cook out then too though. I think that would be fun.

I had a lot of fun with my mom. We talked and did some errands. I only stayed until about 2pm though because she had to do some last minute things. She said she felt bad because she felt like she was kicking me out but I told her I completely understood. Things pop up last minute and this had popped up while I was already on my way down there. I reassured her that I wasn't mad or anything like that.

After I got home we went to the video game store and then picked up some dinner. After we were done eating I ended up taking a nap on the couch half way through a movie. I got too comfortable and apparently was tired. *shrugs* But it's only 9:30pm and we don't have anything important to do tomorrow so it's not like we can't stay up later than usual.

Hot & Busy

Well, it looks like it's going to be a hot and busy weekend. By hot, I mean the temperature. It's supposed to be in the 80's all weekend long. And by busy I mean family stuff.

Tomorrow is my half day at work. After I get out of work I'll be coming home and basically pulling up to the apartment building, calling Master from my cell, and waiting for Him to hop in the car. I normally get home around 12:30pm. We are meeting His dad at 1:30pm. This time we are traveling up by him. It's overdue honestly. He always comes to our neck of the woods. But to get there on time we'll have to basically leave as soon as I get home. I'm sure it'll be a lot of fun. I always have a good time when we go out to lunch with His dad.

Lunch with His dad can take anywhere from an hour to two and a half hours. Why? Because we sit there and talk and talk and talk and don't even realize what time it is until someone glances at their watch and realizes that we should all probably be heading out.

After that we'll be driving home, taking the dog out, feeding the dog, and then running down to see my dad. I'm sure that'll be another few hours. None of this is a bad thing. Not at all. It's just going to make for a long day. That's all.

Then on Saturday we'll be going down to visit my mother. I know we'll have a good time there too.

Sunday we have to ourselves though. We wanted to keep it that way which is why we're seeing my dad on Friday.

Damn Neck

Today is not a good day as far as my fibromyalgia goes. For the past day or so my neck has been a bit stiff. Nothing unusual there. But today it has been worse. It's not quite to the point where I'm worried that it's going to get stuck. It feels like it's just before that point. This has happened before and I've been able to stop it.

It doesn't help that I sit at a desk for 8+ hours a day. It's not so much because I'm staring at a computer. It's more that I'm staring at the computer screen and having to keep turning my neck and looking down to look at files or paperwork. That's all my neck is doing most of the day. Turning slightly and looking down. Ugh.

So I've been having to place pressure on the left side of my neck. Either right smack dab in the middle of the left side or just behind the ear on the left side. It's all that really makes it feel better when it gets to be too much. I've also been rolling my neck quite a bit just so it doesn't get too tight.

While we were watching The Exorcist III tonight after dinner I had to lay down with my neck propped up. It feels a little bit better right now. Still tight and stiff though.

I know some of you may be thinking to yourself that maybe I shouldn't be on a computer right now. But honestly, if I just lay down and keep still it hurts more after a while. Also, since I'm at home I don't have to keep so focused on anything and can move around so my neck isn't in one position too long. For example as I'm typing this I keep stretching my neck, rolling it, and looking around for the hell of it.

Hopefully it'll feel better tomorrow.

Power Down

I am not a morning person. At all. Not even a little bit. I'm not super bitch when I wake up or anything along those lines. I just hate early morning. Every time I get up and realize what time it is I just want to plop back on the bed and bury myself under the comforter.

Normally, I do not wake up unless the alarm goes off or the dog gets me up. On the weekends, if I have somewhere to be before mid afternoon I make sure I set an alarm so I'm up and ready to go by the time what is going on comes around. There have been times where I have slept until noon or almost 1pm on the weekends. Those days happen when my body just shuts itself off to recharge from week of hell and it's not my turn to take the dog in the morning.It can also happen if I've been sick. Trust me, if Master didn't think I needed it He wouldn't allow me to sleep that late. But since there is no alarm, the dog hasn't gotten me up, and Master is allowing it.. I just sleep and sleep some more.

As a result, during the work week I don't normally get up until my alarm goes off. In fact there are plenty of times where the alarm will startle me awake because I was sleeping that deeply.

But lately.. I've been waking up before my alarm goes off. A good half hour to a hour before the alarm goes off. And it's honestly pissing me off. I'm not use to it and I don't know why it's happening. It's even happening on the days where I'm going to work an hour early. What the hell brain?

It happened again this morning in fact. My alarm was set for 6:30am. That gives me about 20 minutes to get ready in the morning and that's really all I need. But.. rather than sleeping until the alarm went off I woke up at 5:40am. *sigh*

I didn't get out of bed though. Fuck that noise. So I stayed in bed, next to Master, and just did that whole half sleep thing. You know, where you're not awake but can hear noises and sense movement. I finally did climb out of bed at 6:15am. Only fifteen minutes early rather than damn near an hour.

The other fucked up part of it is the fact that I'm not tired by the time my normal bed time hits. I'm wide awake and don't want to go to bed. You would think I would be exhausted from waking up on and off all night and then waking up before the alarm. But nope. Wide awake.

Like I said, I have no idea why it happens. I don't know if anything is causing it and if so what the hell it would be. I'm just chalking it all up to stress and my brain not being able to shut down all the way. Sounds like as good of an excuse/reason as any.

Birthday

Today is Master's birthday. I had originally scheduled off for today but due to things that happened last week I had switched it to Friday. I had checked with Him several times to make sure He wasn't upset about it. He assured me that He was not.

But today, on my way to work I felt guilty. I had taken His birthday off so I could spend it with Him. I know I have to go to work and I know not everything goes the way you want it to. That didn't stop me from feeling guilty though. I couldn't have taken the entire day off as I am now officially out of vacation days. However... I do still have personal time. As a result I decided I would just leave early today. I may not be able to spend the entire day with Him but at least I could spend more time with Him than I normally would on a Monday.

I told the passenger in my carpool and he said he'd figure out a different way home. Now, all that was left was figuring out what time I should leave. I didn't want to leave extra early but I didn't want to only get an extra hour with Him either.

So I left at noon. That gives me four extra hours with Him. He seemed really happy that I had come home early to spend more time with Him on His birthday. I honestly think it meant quite a bit to Him. We did some really super fast grocery shopping and then sat outside for a while just talking, joking around, and laughing a lot.

I had given Him His birthday present during the weekend. (It's a video game.)

While we didn't do a lot with the extra time it was still really nice and I am so glad that I came home to be with Him.

Lazy Sunday

Today has been extremely laid back. We haven't done much. I've enjoyed it. Especially the sex where I got off so hard from Him eating me out that I was over sensitive the entire time He was fucking me. I think that has been His favorite part as well. *grins*

Aside from that we've been relaxing in air conditioning. It's not overly hot outside, but it's uncomfortable. I think part of the reason why is that so far we haven't had a whole lot of hot days yet. In fact we've been bouncing all over the place temperature wise. It's actually been a little weird having the air conditioning on.

I did end up taking a short nap during a movie this afternoon though. I had seen the movie and had gotten too comfortable right after dinner, so I drifted off for probably about an hour.

It sucks that it's Sunday already. But it's been a nice weekend with Master. We haven't really done a lot but it's been enjoyable none the less.

I really don't have much else to post about, which is not a complaint. Sometimes it's better to not have much to post about.

Number 13

As I'm sure 99.9% of you know, I have quite a few tattoos. Currently, I am sitting at 12. I have always said that I want 13. As far as what I want as my last one.. I keep going round and round on that subject. It's like I'll see something that is fucking awesome and would make a killer tattoo, but then I see something else and think that might be better.

This isn't how I normally am with tattoos. In the past, once I've decided.. it's done and over. No other image or flash or design is going to sway me from it. Maybe it's because I'm telling myself that number 13 is the last one. Master keeps calling bullshit on that. He knows I not only love the ink I have, but I love the whole experience of getting ink. I really do think I'll stop at 13 though.

I have always wanted some kind of skull or reaper type tattoo though. I have a morbid side to me. But part of the problem I have with finding a good design is that I don't want it to be too masculine. I know.. how is a skull or reaper tattoo not going to be masculine?

But I'll find something. The icon I'm using on this post crossed my mind as a nice small, not too masculine, type of tattoo I could get. Obviously it would be a finished heart. But I do like to splatter around it. But then I stop and think about it and wonder how faded the actually skull part would be. It would have to be just so it wouldn't take over the heart portion, ya know? So that's a no go.. I like bright, vibrant tattoos. I don't like that faded look, at least not on myself.

Master already has one on His arm. It's a pirate skull. It's bad ass. But it would look absolutely horrible on a chick. This is what I mean when I say I don't want i to be too masculine. I don't want it to look "wrong" on me because I'm a girl.

I did promise myself though that I will the tattoo on my left leg touched up first. When it was fresh I had fallen and as a result the healing process didn't go the way it should have. It doesn't look all jacked up or anything, but it needs to be touched up to look right. So regardless of when I find the design I still with for number 13 I will get that tattoo touch up done first.

Nose Dive

I finally have an excuse to use this icon! Okay, it's not actually a good thing. But still.... it's kinda funny.

Today started off well enough. We relaxed and had a good day. We did some minor bumming around and sat outside for a while. So yeah, it was a pretty good day. Until about 9:30pm tonight. And that, ladies and gentlemen, is when the day took a very violent and unexpected nose dive. Anyone want to guess what caused it? Anyone? Hmmm? Bueller? ... Okay fine, I'll tell you. Geeze. Y'all give up too easily.

It was His mother. Honestly, most of the time if shit nose dives around here, it's because of His mother.

Anyway, we have had plans to go out to brunch with His mother for His birthday for about a week to a week and a half now. Honestly, neither of us really wanted to go because we didn't want to deal with her, but we agreed to the plan. A day later it turned into "Yes it's still about your birthday.. but... if you could say happy father's day to my husband that would mean a lot because x, y,z."

Um. Okay? So then it was a celebration of Master's birthday and father's day for her husband. (Her husband does have children but they live in a different state.) It was still supposed to mainly be about Master's birthday though. So okay, fine, whatever.

Tonight.. well.. she basically tried to make Master's birthday as being only a minor fraction of why we were going out to brunch with them.

Apparently, all last minute and shit, one of her husband's kids and said kid's wife were coming down to surprise him and they would be joining us also as they were still going to be in town. Now, part of the reason I don't buy this "last minute" shit is because no one decides to go out of state at the last minute and just let the people they will be staying with know only a day in advance. That shit just doesn't happen unless it's some kind of emergency. So, I think she knew most of this time and was just holding it back before telling us until she thought we had no time or room to back out. Also, she said they wouldn't be getting in until Friday and then surprising her husband at his job. Um, bitch.. it is Friday. Nice try though.

When we first saw the message I gave Master a big hug. What kind of mother, and I use the term loosely, puts their own child's birthday behind everything else and expect him to just accept it and still show up and bite his tongue. Fuck you lady. I know Master is a grown ass man, but still.. a mother shouldn't do that. Ever.

After the long hug I asked Master not to write her back right away and to just think before responding. Why? It sure in the hell wasn't because I didn't want Him going off on her. I just didn't want Him to have the knee jerk reaction of just saying fine to shut her the fuck up. He has done that, and this time I just wanted Him to take a step back and think about it for a moment.

I went off to take my shower and when I was done we talked about it. And He decided to cancel the plans with her. We shouldn't have to end our weekend on that sour note simply because we want to shut her up and He sure in the hell shouldn't have to deal with that the day before His birthday.

Master, I must say, politely declined and said we should just reschedule. Could that whore let it go? Nope. She had to throw herself on the cross and become the martyr she loves being in order to get her way. Master wasn't having it. He didn't lay into her or anything. He didn't even really bring up the whole, "You're the one putting my birthday on the back burner," thing. He just simply said that he doesn't want to deal with the wife of her husband's son. Which is also true. She is the one that was flirting with Him at this past Thanksgiving and giving me dagger eyes when she wasn't too busy ignoring me completely. He also brought up a few other key points about that particular individual.

They had a couple of messages back and forth like that. But when it was clearly obvious, even to her, that Master had put His foot down about it she still had to have the last word... and I quote... "I'm sorry you feel that way."

So now we have the whole weekend to ourselves and don't have to worry about dealing with any of it.

We have recovered from said nose dive though. We're not all pissy and shit. We've actually been talking about it and laughing. But at that moment it was a nose dive. I feel like we finally won one with her. And I wish I didn't feel that way. I wish I didn't have to feel that way. But the fact is that it's true. Stupid cunt.

Funk

Today I have just been in kind of a funk. Not depressed. Just kind of a funk. There are reasons why, of course. I'm, for a change, not in a funk for absolutely no reason. I just don't want to post about the reasons. That's one of the good things about a blog. I don't have to post about certain things. Master doesn't force me to post specifics that I am not comfortable or unwilling to blog about.

Today though, was a lot of trying to figure it the fuck out. And I got upset. I cried a few times today. I didn't break down sobbing but I did cry.

Master, of course, reassured me and gave me a lot of hugs and cuddles and some forehead to forehead contact.

I find that comforting. I was kneeling at His feet with my head on His shoulder and He was holding me to Him. I cried a little bit. When I sat back He put His forehead to mine and told me that it was okay. We stayed like that for a little while before He kissed me and let me get up. I'm not sure why I find that so comforting but I do. Does anyone else do that?

I did have to leave work three hours early today to take care of some things. I had originally scheduled off the whole day on Monday since it'll be Master's birthday. But since I had to leave early today, it just makes more sense to keep the ball rolling and take off tomorrow instead. I asked Master if that would be okay. He told me that He was fine with it. He isn't upset by it and agrees that it makes more sense that way.

Plus, we've been basically celebrating His birthday since last weekend. I've been trying really hard to go out of my way to do small special things for Him. He has noticed and been very happy. He's thanked me several times.

After dinner tonight we sat outside for a little while. When we came back in we watched a movie and then Master allowed me to take a nap on the couch. Since I don't work tomorrow I don't have to go to bed by 11:30pm, and I was beat so taking a nap really helped.

Love / Hate

I have sort of this love/hate relationship going on with my blog right now. I mean, I love my blog. I've put a lot of time and energy into it. I've changed how it looks several times. I've actually spent hours trying to find templates that I love and think fit. And more time tweaking it. I've moved the blog a couple of times too. This is actually the blog's third home.

It started six years ago here on Blogger. But then, for some reason, I switched to Word Press for a while. I honestly don't remember why. And then I moved it back to Blogger again. I know why I switched back. Word Press was putting too many restrictions on what I could and couldn't post. No ads. No links affiliate links. Etc. And I was paying extra just so I could control how my blog looked! Oh, and then there was the time they literally locked my blog. I couldn't access it at all and they had taken it down so no one could even see the damn thing.

Why? Because someone had sent in a complaint that my blog was too raunchy. Well, fucking hello I had it marked as adult themed, just like this one is. I actually had to call their customer service to get it all squared away. So yeah. Blogger it is. They don't take my blog down, they don't care what I post about as long as my blog is labeled adult themed and I can make it look anyway I want to for free. Fuck you Word Press.

Anyway, now that I have that mini rant out of the way.. The reason why I have a love/hate relationship with my blog currently is because aside from some of my recent posts I feel like I'm just talking about work and stress and work and stress.

I don't really have anything on my mind dynamic wise. I'm being good and doing what I'm supposed to. Master's grip on the leash isn't loose to the point of it being uncomfortable for me. I've posted about everything before as far as thoughts go anyway. I know a lot of people don't dig through the archives to go read those. But I know they are there. I know that I'm pretty much saying the same shit again.

Basically, unless it's a highlight or kinky hot sex... doing my posts just seem kind of whatever lately. It's still a requirement, which is why I do it. And it's not like I'm mad about having to do the posts. It's just okay... So what do I want to post about today? And it ends up being rambling. Like I said, I've had some good posts lately. But aside from highlights and kinky sex... it's been ramblings.

Hell, when I was first diagnosed with being bipolar I posted a lot about that. But that is pretty well managed and haven't have a serious issue since being properly medicated. Some hiccups here and there but nothing major.

So yeah....

Paid To Be Wrong

Apparently tomorrow is supposed to be rather interesting weather wise. There is a huge storm front moving up towards us. They are saying that over a large area there could be hail, strong storms, flash floods, and yes... even tornadoes. Sounds fun doesn't it?

I highly doubt we'll get tornadoes here. Strong storms and flash flooding? That I'll believe. It's happened before and will happen again. The greatest thing about it? *Please note sarcasm.* The greatest thing is that it looks like the storms will be going most of the day but will be the worst on my way to work and on my way home. Figures, doesn't it? Yes, yes it does.

Then again we've been told to watch our asses weather wise before and it's been a perfectly sunny day with maybe some strong winds. And then of course there are other times where it sounds like it'll be perfect out and all hell breaks loose. I should have become a weather person. I want to be able to lie my ass off and be wrong all the time but still get paid.

I told Master about it and He told me to watch my ass on the road. My response was to try and reassure Him by telling Him I would be fine.

"Famous last words..," was His response. I laughed and asked Him if this is where He starts screaming at me on the TV and telling me not to go into that room. (Horror movie humor. Gotta love it.) He laughed too.

I will say that if it seems way too nasty out I won't be leaving as early as I have been and, if absolutely necessary, I will wake Master up and ask Him to take me to work. I highly doubt it'll come to that. But it's our standing agreement. If I don't feel safe driving to work then I am to wake Him up and have Him take me in.

I'm honestly not worried about it. It was just the only thing that I had to blog about today.

Shot In The Mouth

I haven't been able to give Master a blowjob from start to finish for a good month or so now. My jaw has been acting up a lot. And on top of that I had a cold sore for about a week. Those are always fun.

Anyway, I felt bad about it. It's not like He was pressuring me about it or anything along those lines. He is extremely understanding, which is greatly appreciated. But I felt bad because damnit.. I should be able to give my Husband a blowjob! I obviously have still been using my mouth here and there, it just hadn't been start to finish. Hell, it wasn't even a finish. It was only foreplay. I hadn't had a shot in the mouth in about a month. And I wanted it.

I love sucking His cock. So it's not just the fact that I feel bad for not getting Him off with my mouth, it's also frustrating because I want His cum to shoot down my throat.

Last night Master allowed me to stay up a little later than usual. When it was time for me to go to bed, He went with me. I started stroking His cock shortly after He climbed into bed next to me. He asked me what my mood was and I said I wasn't sure. But as I continued stroking Him I realized that I really wanted to suck His cock. I said as much so He was of course more than willing to reposition Himself.

He sat up on the bed with His back to the wall. After He was comfortable I laid on my stomach and waited for Him to gather up my hair.

I went slow at first. My mouth was a little dry so I had to go a little at a time while working the saliva around in my mouth without being too obvious about it.

It wasn't terribly long before I had to pull back and move my jaw around. He asked if I was okay. I didn't lie. I told Him that my jaw was tight. I honestly hadn't realized how tight until I started. He asked if I wanted to switch to doing something else. I said, "Not really. No."

He chuckled and got a firmer grip on my hair. After that I didn't stop. I kept going, doing my best. It was just more difficult to move my tongue around while being able to keep my mouth open wide enough to accommodate His thick cock. I could do one or the other apparently. That also frustrated me since I normally move my tongue around quite a bit while I'm blowing Him. But all that mattered to me at that time was the fact that Master was pleased. He stayed rock hard the entire time, so obviously I wasn't doing anything too horribly.

When He came I moved my mouth down more and massaged the underside of His cock with my tongue and used my fingers to massage the underside of the base. It was delicious and I loved it.

He eventually let go of my hair and I sat up and rested against His chest. He held me for a little while.

I told Him I was sorry if that wasn't as good as it usually was and I started to go on about my jaw and He basically, very nicely and not in the exact words, told me to shut up. *laughs* He was pleased. That's all that mattered.

Sex Drive

Last night was a lot of fun. We started watching that porno we picked up on Friday. We had owned it before, but love the series so wanted to pick it up again. We got through about two scenes before deciding to turn it off and head to the bedroom. He chewed on my neck for a while before slowly making His way down to eat me out.

There was something about the way He was fingering me while massaging my clit with His tongue that just completely lit me up from one nerve ending to the other. It didn't take long before I felt a burst of pleasure flood through me and then my orgasm peaked. He allowed me to catch my breath for a moment as He wiped His fingers off on my chest.

He put me on all fours and was pretty rough with me. As I said all my nerve endings were awake and so I was sensitive to absolutely every little thing He was doing. The way the head of His cock was hitting me just right. The way His fingers dug into my skin as He gripped my hips. The way His balls were spanking my clit every time He was slammed into me. That is such a delicious sensation, which is only heightened by the fact that I have a vertical clit hood piercing.

Have I mentioned how grateful I am that I'm able to get off many times during sex? I don't just mean the fact that Master allows it, but just that I am physically able to do so. I've heard of women who are just able to get off once and then that's it. I can't imagine that.

Anyway, after He had filled me with His cum we went back out to the living room for a couple of hours to relax and talk. I think it was about 4am when we finally decided to go to bed. It wasn't until that point that either of us actually felt tired.

That doesn't mean we actually wanted to sleep though. We haven't been fucking a lot lately. Stress and my being tired and/or not feeling well has put a damper on it, unfortunately. But this weekend has been 95% care and stress free. As a result our sex drive has been up and we're taking full advantage of it.

This time it was a bit slower. It was less rough for the most part. It was a little out of the ordinary for us. It wasn't quite "making love" but it was about as close as we get to it. It was wonderful.

This time we were both very tired afterward. We curled up to go to sleep. When He put His arm around me I slipped my arm down a little bit and slipped it under His hand. He wrapped His fingers around my wrist and snuggled up closer before we drifted off to sleep.

Perfect & Relaxing

Master and I had a wonderful day today. It's not like we did anything really romantic or anything like that. But there was just something about today that made it seem... perfect in an odd way. I'm sure that as I describe our day most people will read it and go... Really? Perfect? And yes, it seemed that way.

Lately our weekends have been one of two things. One being just sitting around the apartment and basically doing a whole lot of nothing. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. And we've both enjoyed it. But it's been quite some time since we actually went out and did anything aside from basic errands. The other being family stuff. Again, nothing wrong with that and I've enjoyed it a lot. But it's just the fact that it's been either one or the other with nothing in between for so long. We were overdue for just a day of doing random shit and just being out and about with one another without doing a specific errand.

We were both up and about earlier than we usually are on a Saturday. And while we were waking up Master asked me what I wanted to do. I suggested that we just go bumming around. He was cool with that. So after a little while we headed out.

We had been talking about possibly replacing a rug in the living room, so we went to a local store. Now, rather than doing what we normally do we actually just kind of walked around and browsed. We are the kind of people that if we go into a store we are there for specific things and we get those and get out. We don't look around.

We didn't find a rug we liked, but we did pick up some random stuff. We bought three DVDs and one of them is the director's cut of The Exorcist! *happy dance*

We had walked by some really kick ass men's t-shirts and I pointed out one to Master. He ended up finding two that He really liked and that were in His size. But, while we were in that section I found two shirts that I wanted. Yes, they are men's shirts. But they had some really kick ass designs on them and they had them in mediums. I was going to pass on it but Master told me to go ahead and get them. I was going to pass well, because they are guy shirts. But He pointed out that I wear His shirts all the time. True enough there. So we both got some really kick ass t-shirts today.

After we checked out we decided to go to a pet store down the street to see if they had a dog backpack. They had them.. and the kind we were looking for.. but there was no way we were going to pay what they were charging for them. No way in hell. So we passed on that. We did browse again but didn't find anything. We did get to see a very beautiful parrot though that immediately said hello to us when we walked past. He was adorable. Too bad we don't have $1,700 to buy him and then whatever a good cage would cost.

We came home after that and sat out on our porch with the mutt for about a half hour. It was getting close to dinner time so we tried to figure out what we wanted to eat. That's when we said fuck it and headed out to Applebee's. It's been an extremely long time since we went to a sit down restaurant as just the two of us. When we go out to eat it's normally with one or more people from His side of the family. It's just easier to get everyone together since we are all kind of scattered in three different counties. And when it's just the two of us it's just easier to either eat at home or get something delivered or go through drive-thru.

Dinner was so nice. The food was awesome, the service was amazing and we just had a really good time. After dinner we just came home and have been relaxing ever since. Later on tonight we plan on watching that porno we picked up yesterday. I'm a very, very happy girl today.

Good Start to the Weekend

Today after work I stopped off at home just long enough to pick up Master and call my dad to let him know we were heading down. We had fun while we were there. We took some more pictures for my dad's eBay stuff and shot the shit for a while.

After we left I dropped Master back off at home so he could take the dog out and feed him while I ran out and got dinner. It just seemed a lot easier to get drive thru rather than going out to a sit down restaurant or hitting the grocery store. I mean, we have food in the house, but we had both agreed that none of it really sounded all that great. So fuck it. Fast food it is.

After dinner we were trying to figure out what to do so I suggested that we go sit out on the porch for a while as the weather was finally nice enough to do so. It's been so up and down lately. Tonight it was really nice out so I'm glad we sat outside for a a bit.

While we were out there Master had mentioned taking the dog for a walk tomorrow and that immediately made me remember that we wanted to get him a little doggy backpack so he could feel like he had a job or a mission while he is on his longer walks. And with that thought, we decided to go to the pet store and see what they had.

Well, they had a dog backpack but it wasn't really what we were looking for. It looked like two very small saddlebags attached by nylon. We are looking for the kind of back pack that actually lays across his back and has bags on the side of it to put water bottles and things of that nature.

That was a bust. We didn't really feel like driving to a different pet store tonight though, so we put that idea on the back burner.

And just to show that we have fucked up thought processes, while we were out we decided to go to the porn store. It's been a while since we bought a new porno, so hey.. why not. I'm sure we'll watch it later this weekend, if we don't pop it in tonight.

It's been a good Friday.

Stress? What Stress?

Sometimes I just need a small gentle push for my mood to change. I'm not referring to my being bipolar. I'm talking about normal day to day bullshit that absolutely everyone, who isn't independently wealthy, deals with. The stresses of work, of traffic, of just general fucking bullshit. Today I was experiencing more of those as usual and as a result I got ticked off and stressed the fuck out.

I got a hold of Master on my lunch break and He calmed me down. He let me do a quick rant and then in a very calm way told me it was okay. That shit happens. That there is no use in stressing out about shit that is out of my control.

It's amazing how many times He has told me those exact words in the past decade. And yet, in the heat of the moment, I always forget them. It doesn't help that I'm one of those "worst case scenario" people. If it can go wrong, it will go wrong.

I'm not that way all the time. But when stress starts to weigh down on me, yeah.. my mind goes there. Fun for me!

I was able to calm down. It was a lot better when I got home and got a nice long hug from Master.

It looks like next week is going to be a lot like last week. My supervisor approved me for 7.5 hours of overtime. *wide eyed* So it looks like I'll be getting there early as fuck all week. I'm going to tell the passenger in my carpool on Friday. Whether or not he decides to ride to work with me.. well... that's his problem.

I'm really glad that the weekend isn't that far off anymore. We are going to go down to see my dad on Friday. Other than that I have no idea what we're doing this weekend. I do know that there are few odds and ends we have to pick up that and go grocery shopping but other than that.. no clue.

Master gave me a nice long back massage tonight while we watched Fright Night. And now I'm just doing my blog post and listening to a couple of songs on the computer with my ear buds. Music is a great escape. A mental mini vacation.

I really don't know how I would get along without Master. He always calms me down when I need it. He doesn't just pick me up when I fall... He catches me when I'm about to.

Small Rant

Today I woke up with a small headache at the base of my neck. Okay, whatever. I'll just pop a couple of aspirin and it'll go away before lunch. Apparently, I was wrong about that though.

As soon as I got under those damn florescent lights my headache got worse. It was no longer just at the back of my neck. It was wrapping around to my temples like a vice grip. This also caused my eyes to hurt. And when the migraine gets to that point my eyes become light sensitive. And I sit right below a string of those fucking florescent lights. I was started to consider going home. I was starting to feel a little sick to my stomach from the pain in my head. But I pushed it off. Maybe I'll feel better after my lunch break. I can go outside and get out from under those lights. Plus, I could wear my sunglasses. Not to mention some fresh air might help.

But it didn't take long into my lunch break for me to realize that the aspirin wasn't kicking in at all. Never mind I had already popped more shortly into getting to work. The fresh air felt good and my eyes didn't hurt nearly as much being outside with sunglasses. But that ick feeling in my stomach wasn't going away and the throbbing in my head wasn't slacking off either.

I tried to call Master but He didn't pick up. So I sent him a text message to let Him know how I was feeling and that I would be leaving early. I didn't even ask the passenger in my carpool whether or not he wanted to leave. I just simply sent him an e-mail saying that I was leaving two hours early and if he wanted to I would still drop him off.

Normally I ask him and base my decision on that. Why? Well, gas money is a large part of it. If I don't give him the ride then I don't get part of that gas money, obviously. The other part is because I am trying to be a nice person so he doesn't have to scramble to find a different way home.

But honestly, I am getting sick of the whole carpool bullshit. I hate having to work around his schedule/preferences. For instance, if I want to/need to go into work early I have to hold back because he doesn't want to leave that early. That's when the whole, well I need the gas money thing comes into play.

I have talked to both my mom and Master about it and they both understand that I need the gas money but they also see how frustrated I'm getting now that I'm swamped and am staying swamped. I don't know. It's not really feasible to drop him yet simply because gas is so expensive. I could try to find a way to make sure I can cover what he would normally give me, but I'm not sure yet.

Anyway, I dropped him off and then dropped off our rent check since it was on the way home. By the time I got home I just felt shitty as hell. Master asked me what I wanted to do and I said I didn't really care. I think He had a feeling that I would pass out at some point so He just started playing His video game. I wrapped myself in my throw blanket to get comfortable and then the dog and I both took a long nap on the couch. It's a good thing we can both fit on it. It helps that I'm petite as he is a pretty big dog.

Master woke me up right before He started cooking dinner. It felt a lot better, especially after I ate. My headache is gone now. There is still tension in my neck and shoulders. That's part of my problem is that if I feel pain in one area of my body it doesn't take long for it to settle in my "usual" areas. That would be my neck, shoulders and lower back.

Nice Slow Walk

You know, it's kind of weird. Master and I get a lot of time together, in all honesty. I mean we see each other every night after work and we see each other every weekend for, normally, the entire day. Lately a lot of that weekend time has been eaten up with family stuff. I'm honestly not complaining. It's just that as a result, we have time together but we don't really do a lot with it.

Normally by the weekend Master and I are just wanting to laze about the apartment unless we go visit family. It doesn't help that the weather hasn't been the greatest lately either, so we haven't even really been able to go sit on our porch.

Today though we decided fuck it, let's go for a longer walk with the mutt. It wasn't nice enough to hop in the car and go to the park for it or go down by the lake. It was actually somewhat cool out. So instead, we just went for a normal walk around where we live.

We took turns handling the leash. My turn wasn't all that long honestly. But it didn't matter. We got to talk and just enjoy walking with our dog while we did so. I mean, we can easily talk in the apartment, but this way we get out of the apartment and get some exercise while we do so.

At the point where we decided to turn around there was a small grouping of mom and pop shops. Nice small family owned businesses. In that small grouping was a mom and pop ran cafe. We obviously couldn't stop in with the dog but man did the food smell good. So Master and I decided that one day when it's nicer out we'll walk down there without the dog and eat there.

We could easily just take the car, but a nice slow walk together before and after will be nice.

Our walk today was nice. I really enjoyed it.

Right before I hopped on the computer to do my blog post I suggested we look into movies that would be playing this weekend. I looked them up and honestly there is nothing playing that we are willing to pay to go see rather than just waiting for it to go to Netflix.

Yes, we want a date night but there is no fun in it if it's not something we really want to see. I guess those plans will have to wait. Although we found out that Riddick is coming out in September so we will be going to the movie theater to see that.

I guess we'll have to figure out something else for date night.

Stagnant

I feel like I'm treading water. So many things are just.. stagnant. I'm still looking for a new job. No luck so far. The only companies contacting me so far are insurance and realty companies. I'm no good at sales. No good at all. Add to that the fact that we can not afford for one of us to be doing a commissions only job. No fucking thank you on that one.

As a result, I'm nervous every day I go into work. It's weird really. I mean I haven't done anything wrong. I have no direct reaction from my job to make me feel like my head is on the chopping block. It's just a feeling I have. I had this feeling at my last job, which is why I hopped on over to where I am now. And it's honestly not because I am hiding something or waiting to get in trouble. It's just the fact that it's at will employment (like every other job that has no contract) and they can fire me with absolutely no reason what so ever.

And honestly, up until recently I felt very safe at my job. I felt secure. But since the mumblings of not having money in the budget for a million and one things and them firing more people in a two month time period than I've seen at any point in my four years there... yeah. Not a good sensation. My review still hasn't been done. It was due back in March. We are now in June. And it doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon. One of the trainers in my department told me yesterday that she hasn't had her review yet either and her's was due back in fucking December. I really hate that shit. Ya know? I come to work everyday and I do what I'm supposed to do. So why is it that I have to wait forever and a day to get a couple hours of time to get my performance review and hopefully some kind of raise.

Yes, I know what I just said about not having a budget, but they have confirmed that we are not on a pay freeze. And while, yes, I am looking for a different job making a little more while I'm still there would be nice. Normally I would just shoot an e-mail off to my supervisor very politely asking for a status update on my review, but right now I don't feel comfortable enough to do that. I don't want it to seem like I'm fishing for more money, even though I am.

There are no moving plans in sight. There probably won't be for quite some time. I know that Master wants to move just as badly as I do, but we have to be smart about it and right now it's just now feasible.

Some good news though.. Master and I plan on having a date night at some point this month. We haven't had an actual date night in forever. Dinner and a movie sounds good. Master suggested that. What movie? No idea. Hell, I don't even know what's playing right now. Hopefully there will be something we actually want to watch. Otherwise it'll be dinner and whatever the fuck we figure out before or after it.