Stagnant

I feel like I'm treading water. So many things are just.. stagnant. I'm still looking for a new job. No luck so far. The only companies contacting me so far are insurance and realty companies. I'm no good at sales. No good at all. Add to that the fact that we can not afford for one of us to be doing a commissions only job. No fucking thank you on that one.

As a result, I'm nervous every day I go into work. It's weird really. I mean I haven't done anything wrong. I have no direct reaction from my job to make me feel like my head is on the chopping block. It's just a feeling I have. I had this feeling at my last job, which is why I hopped on over to where I am now. And it's honestly not because I am hiding something or waiting to get in trouble. It's just the fact that it's at will employment (like every other job that has no contract) and they can fire me with absolutely no reason what so ever.

And honestly, up until recently I felt very safe at my job. I felt secure. But since the mumblings of not having money in the budget for a million and one things and them firing more people in a two month time period than I've seen at any point in my four years there... yeah. Not a good sensation. My review still hasn't been done. It was due back in March. We are now in June. And it doesn't look like it's going to happen anytime soon. One of the trainers in my department told me yesterday that she hasn't had her review yet either and her's was due back in fucking December. I really hate that shit. Ya know? I come to work everyday and I do what I'm supposed to do. So why is it that I have to wait forever and a day to get a couple hours of time to get my performance review and hopefully some kind of raise.

Yes, I know what I just said about not having a budget, but they have confirmed that we are not on a pay freeze. And while, yes, I am looking for a different job making a little more while I'm still there would be nice. Normally I would just shoot an e-mail off to my supervisor very politely asking for a status update on my review, but right now I don't feel comfortable enough to do that. I don't want it to seem like I'm fishing for more money, even though I am.

There are no moving plans in sight. There probably won't be for quite some time. I know that Master wants to move just as badly as I do, but we have to be smart about it and right now it's just now feasible.

Some good news though.. Master and I plan on having a date night at some point this month. We haven't had an actual date night in forever. Dinner and a movie sounds good. Master suggested that. What movie? No idea. Hell, I don't even know what's playing right now. Hopefully there will be something we actually want to watch. Otherwise it'll be dinner and whatever the fuck we figure out before or after it.