However, it has helped a lot. I haven't had any blow ups or severe depression in a long time. I honestly cannot remember the last time I had either of those. That's not to say I don't dip my toes into those extremes from time to time. Like I said, my medication is not a cure. But it's a world of difference. As much as I was fighting being put on medication due to past experiences, I'm so glad that I was finally willing to give it a shot. I'm a better person with the medication.
Today though, I had a small "episode". Yeah. I guess that is what you would call it.
I had an anxiety/panic attack of sorts. I got to work an hour and a half early. I had slept for shit last night. I think I got at most four hours of broken sleep. I was up and down and tossing and turning. In fact, I got up twice really close to when the alarm was going to go off. One time around 4am and the other around 5am. When the alarm did go off at 5:20am I hadn't really gone back to sleep. I was just laying there with my eyes closed.
Anyway, I was fine until just before my lunch break. I suddenly had this antsy feeling. I went on lunch and went outside. Maybe the fresh air would help. Nope. If anything it made it slightly worse. I was having the kind of anxiety attack where I just wanted to go. It wasn't because of the normal I just don't want to be at work thing. This was I have to get out. I need to go. I started to feel slightly claustrophobic at the thought of going back inside.
My heart was racing on and off. I couldn't calm down all the way. I didn't freak the fuck out or anything. I just felt very, very anxious. I called Master and told Him what was going on. He talked to me and that did help. His voice was calm and He told me to breathe. I was rambling on about a mile a minute and I knew it. I then blurted out that I wanted to leave work early.
Yes, I know.. I'm putting in extra hours and I'm going to leave early? Seriously? But Master agreed that it might be best. After all, it hasn't been that bad in a very long time. I was only going to leave an hour and a half early though. I just had to get through three more hours. That's all I had to do. I calmed down a little bit because I continued to remind myself that I would leave soon and go home.
I felt a lot better on the drive home though. Sometimes going for a drive helps me a lot. So a forty-five minute drive calmed me down. I was still a little wound up when I walked in the door. Master gave me a big hug and I've pretty much just been slowly getting back to normal, or what passes as normal for me, since then.
No comments:
Post a Comment