Goodbye 2013

It's the end of the year. Ya know, sometimes it feels like time is dragging by so slowly and then before you know it the upcoming year is literally just around the corner. Which of course starts it's own chain of events right off of the bat.

In January we have three family birthdays. February we have one family birthday. And then in March it is my birthday and our anniversary. After that, if I remember correctly, we have a very small window of no birthdays or any other celebrations. In fact I think it's only for the month of April. I can't remember right now.

It seems like I was just doing a post about Goodbye 2012 yesterday. Like I said most of the time the days and weeks and months seem to go at a snail's pace. But then a significant date comes along and you realize that it seems like it was all gone in the blink of an eye. Whether they are personally significant dates or a major holiday.

One thing I know for sure is that I'm going to be constantly having to do this: 2013 2014. You would think it wouldn't be that big of a deal. After all you're writing a different date every single day and then in four weeks you're writing a different month. But once the clock ticks over to 2014 suddenly I keep screwing it up. Probably because you do it for 12 months before having to change it.

Either way it's annoying. Especially since I am constantly typing in dates at work. So having to correct the year every time I fuck it up gets old really fast. Which again makes you think I would catch on sooner. But no. It normally takes me until the beginning of February before I'm entering the correct year.

We had been invited over to BC's place for New Year's Eve. Well, his and his wife's place I should say. But Master and I both decided that we didn't want to go. We never hear from him. We try to make contact and it's short lived. He is so caught up in everything else, it's like he really doesn't have time for us. At least that's how it seems to me.

Another part of why we didn't want to go is because most of his wife's family is going to be there and we don't get along with them due to their reaction to us. They seem to not approve of us. Which is funny, since we're not the ones who married into their family.

And yet, last but not least, they are going to have a lot of kids there. Now, don't get me wrong it's not that I don't like children. I do. But these kids don't know how to behave, they get away with murder, and the last time we were around them we both got really sick.

Plus, who has people over and invites their children as well for a New Year's Eve party? Normally at such things adults are getting drunk and loud.

See, there's another thing. Drunk people. Lots of them. Drunk people who don't like us and we don't like them. And I really, really don't like being around people who are drunk. Master has never been drunk around me. Hell He hasn't been drunk since we first started dating almost 11 years ago. He has been rather tipsy, which is actually kind of funny. But He has never been drunk.

I've been drunk twice in my life. I'm 30 years old and I've only been drunk twice. Both times it wasn't that I was trying to get drunk. It was one of those things where the drinks were so sweet that I didn't really taste the alcohol and I didn't realize how much I had until after I was drunk. I went from feeling fine and a tiny bit tipsy to feeling sick to my stomach and like the room was spinning around me. I hated the feeling. I hated it even more the second time around because I honestly didn't think I had all that much. I'm a lightweight though, so that doesn't really surprise me.

And now that I'm on my medication I don't drink hardly at all. Why? The medication seriously heightens and speeds up how I am feeling. So one drink can get me fucked up. I'm not kidding. I think the most I've had is 3/4 of a Smirnoff Ice. And even then I was already tipsy, which is why I stopped. Sometimes when Master is having a drink I'll have a sip here and there. But I'm afraid to have a whole drink of my own. I don't want to get drunk. I don't mind tipsy. Tipsy can be fun. But I have no idea, with this medication, how thin of a line that is.

So, lets see here. You have a friend inviting us over that we hardly hear from, and actually he isn't the one that invited us, it was his wife. Then there are a group of people we don't know and/or don't like us, you have a bunch of kids that can't behave and are constantly sick, and you have two people (Master and myself) who don't drink a lot.

And typically that's what parties for New Year's Eve are about. Drinking. So no thank you. I'll just be at home with my Husband and chill all night.

Claw Marks

We didn't go to bed until a little after 3am last night. And once we did go to bed we had incredibly hot sex.

He played with my tits, which is a sure fire way of getting me revved up. My nipples have always been sensitive and since I've had them pierced they have been even more sensitive, in a good way. I love my piercings. He would squeeze my tits and flick His tongue against my piercings. They are horseshoe jewelry so it feels amazing when He does that. When He switched to tormenting my right tit with His mouth He used His free hand to continue playing with my left one. I was completely lost in the sensations. When He stopped and knelt up I gasped. He told me to slide up, which I of course did. He settled in between my legs and lapped,, sucked, and flicked His tongue all over my pussy.

And when He dipped His fingers into me and pressed His fingers against my g-spot while rolling my clit with His tongue it didn't take long for me to be flooded with warmth and endorphins. I was completely out of breath when He was done and I was overly sensitive. All He had to do was breath on my clit and I was flinching and trying to back away.

He knelt up and told me He would let me catch my breath, as long as I could breathe with a mouthful of cock. I giggled and quickly moved into position. He gathered my hair in His hands and I alternated between slow and fast. Sometimes I would "hug" the underside of His cock with the length of my tongue. That always gets a moan out of Him. Towards the end I pulled back, letting His cock slip out, and focused on just using my tongue to please Him.

He told me to get onto my back after a while. I think I was a little eager to do so, as He chuckled at me when I moved so quickly.

We never do just a normal missionary position. There always has to be a little something different. Whether it's the way He positions His hips or I raise one leg up. Sometimes He'll rotate His hips while He's fucking me, which is what He did this time. After allowing me to cum He knelt up and bounced meoff of His cock while I raised my arms above my head and crossed my wrists. I know that He loves seeing me to do that and loves the way my tits bounce.

Eventually He just placed my ankles up and over His shoulders and leaned forward, essentially bending me in half. (Thankfully I'm still flexible as hell. Hopefully that will continue to be the case as He loves bending me like a pretzel.)

He started to rotate His hips again but it was different this time. He would rotate His hips while pulling out a little further than usual before slamming His cock back into me. This made it so His cock was constantly hitting my pussy at a different angle. Delicious.

He ordered me to cum one last time, which seemed to have triggered His own. He already had a grip on the bed above my head. And when He came He clawed the bed, leaning on me more so He wouldn't lose balance.

Afterward I was kind of giggling at Him saying that He must have gotten off rather hard. He said, "Like you couldn't tell?"

Well yes I could, in a few ways. First it was the way His cock was throbbing as He filled me. Another was the way He was growling. And last but not least it was the fact that He leaned forward even more to get deeper inside me while clawing the bed. I again teased Him that I was surprised that our bedsheets were still intact. From the sound of it I could have sworn there would be claw marks shredding the sheet into pieces.

I know I've been surprised sometimes when I do that and the sheets were still in one piece.

I find it incredibly sexy when that happens. You know you've made your lover get off pretty damn hard when they claw at the bed like that.

Scramble

Things seem to be going so well, and then something has to come along and *bam* Something has to ruin it.

The car had literally just started making loud noises while braking about four days ago. At first I just figured ice and crud had gotten under there. But when it didn't go away... yeah. Master told me to take the car in as soon as possible. Well they close at 6pm and I don't even get down to our place until 5:30pm when I'm coming home from work. So I figured I would just take the car in Saturday and see what the hell was up. Yeah.. well yesterday on the way to work the noise was significantly worse. So I called the mechanic to see if they could just take a peek at it for me. They closed at 6pm so I got there in time for them to take a look at her. Well, she needed front brake pads and rotors. If it had just been the pads it wouldn't have been that big of a deal but rotors too? Fuck.

That means juggling some shit. And they told me that she would not be safe to drive to my job tomorrow (meaning today) because there was a very good chance that the brakes would seize up. That's not good. We only have the one car and none of our friends or family live around here. So how the hell was I going to pull this off?

I couldn't take off work. I'm out of time. I mean if I had to I had to. I'd rather be breathing and not total the car thank you very much. But Master and I were worried about it. My job has a huge thing about going over your allotted time for the year. I had called my mom to tell her what was going on because I was kind of freaking out and needed to vent a bit aside from venting completely on Master. About 10 minutes after I got off the phone with her my brother called me. (He lives upstairs from our mother.)

He immediately said that I could use his car to get to and from work. I was wondering how the fuck that was going to work given the fact that he lives 45 minutes away and there was no way for us to drive our car down there and then follow each other up. The brakes weren't good enough to drive to and from my job they definitely weren't up to driving down to my brother's and back.

He told me that if he could crash at our place he would bring up the car that night and then I would just take his car to work and back and then he would take his car home. Fuck yeah! So he crashed here last night. And while I was at work Master oh so very carefully drove the car down to the mechanic's shop. They gave Him and my brother a ride back to our place and they picked them up when the car was done so He could pay the bill and all that.

Driving my brother's car was fucking weird. It's very touchy which I had to get use to. Our car responds really well but my brother's was touchy. When I got home from work I parked his car and we ate dinner together before he headed home.

And now that car's brakes are done. There are a couple of rather expensive things that they pointed out we'll want to get taken care of in the near future. That's is going to be one of those things where we have to save up for first. But at least the immediate concern is taken care of and she is once again safe to drive.

On Repeat

I sometimes get songs stuck in my head and they normally come out of thin air. As in I have no idea why they all of a sudden smacked me in the face.

I normally have to play them at least three times to at least stop the song from swimming around in my head for a while. About a couple of hours ago for some reason one particular song just wouldn't stop playing in my head. And the shitty part was that it was just a portion of the song stuck on repeat. It wasn't even the entire song! That is worse to me. I'd rather have the whole song stuck in my head rather than just one portion of it. Normally, if a song gets stuck in my head Master either loves, likes, or doesn't mind the song I want to play. However, there are a few select songs that He just absolutely hates. And when He hears me play them He tells me that I have bad taste in music. *laughs* Never mind the fact that 85% of our tastes in music match up. But there are songs/bands on both sides of the fence that we just look at one another and go, "Really?" So when He says I have bad taste in music He is just saying it about those select few and I do the same thing to Him.

Guess what category this song fell on? Yeah.. He hates it.

So I hopped online, put in my ear buds, cranked it up, and grooved to it. I even went so far as to just close my eyes, bow my head, and completely focus on the song. As soon as it finished I took the bar and placed it at the beginning again. I believe I did that four times right in a row. It seems excessive I know. But that's just how my brain works for some reason. Which is part of the reason it sucks when I get a song stuck in my head at work. There is nothing I can do about it.

The song isn't even from a band I like! It's just one song of theirs that I heard on the radio one time and since then it has been popping up every now and again. I don't like the band but I love the song itself.

What is the song you ask? It's "Smells Like A Freak Show" by Avatar.




It's not my normal style of music. I'm into rock, hard rock, and metal for the most part. The me this falls outside of that area. I'm not even sure what the label it under. *shrugs* I think part of the reason I love it so much is well, one the subject of the song. I find it interesting. The second part is that the lead singer's voice is odd. It's different. And typically I love songs that have an interesting lead vocal. That's one reason why I love WASP and King Diamond. No, I'm not comparing those to this song. They are nothing like this song. I'm just saying that both bands have really interesting lead vocals.

Here is an example of a WASP song I love so you can hear his voice. It's "My Tortured Eyes".




And here is an example of a King Diamond song I love so you can hear his voice. It's "Life After Death".




So yeah, it's all over the board I know. But they all have very interesting vocals. At least they do in my opinion.

Whisky Tango Foxtrot

Between Saturday and early Sunday we got a fuck ton of snow. Okay, that's not true. It was 7 inches. (The snow you pervs.) But still! I'm sure it seemed like more simply because the way the roads and parking lot were.

Friday night when the plows came through our parking lot they had plowed all of the cars in. Which fucking blows by the way. I figured I would just have to deal with it Monday morning when I left for work. It would mean that I would have to get up pretty early, but it couldn't be helped. I've dealt with worse after all.

We had made plans for my dad to come up on Sunday about a week ago. We were all thinking that it wouldn't be possible due to the weather. But by the time my dad called to see if it was still okay to come over, the roads were plowed and it wasn't snowing anymore. (I know because I walked outside to check.) Dad said it was pretty clear down by him too. So we all decided to keep the plans and he headed on up. When he got here he called me and I went outside to meet him at his car. I needed to run an errand but because my car was plowed in I wasn't able to do so and I really didn't feel like digging it out when I knew he was on his way up. It wasn't like it was an important errand but Dad had offered.

Master took the dog out soon after I walked outside to meet my dad at the car. We ran the errand which took about 10 minutes total. When we got back to my place I saw that Master was still outside. I figured He was still taking the dog out. It can take a little while sometimes. But my dad and I walk into the apartment and there is the dog, chilling out. Okay..

I didn't want to leave my dad alone because that would be rude as hell and his back wasn't up to walking around again for a little while. So we sat and talked for a while. He told me that he wanted to tell me something but I had to swear that I wouldn't tell anyone else. I was just about to ask if I could tell my Husband when he said, "Ya know what? I'll just wait until (insert Master's name here) gets back inside."

Okay, well that solves the problem of my possibly having to keep something from Him. We continued to chit chat until Master came in. His entire jacket was covered in snow and He was sweating. Apparently after He took the dog out He decided to dig out my car and brush it down for me. How sweet is that?!

My dad smiled when Master said that. My dad likes to know that He takes care of me. Well, actually he knows that my Husband takes care of me, but that doesn't mean he won't smile when he sees it in action.

Anyway, after Master got settled and all that my dad started the whole "I'm about to tell you something but you have to swear not to tell anyone" thing. Master looked at me and He looked a little worried. I was too. It obviously wasn't bad news because Dad wasn't upset. So.. what the fuck could it be? I was almost afraid to find out. But Master and I swore that we wouldn't.

And then my dad dropped a fucking bomb on us. Seriously. I was more than shocked.

A little back story first... He is dating a woman that I knew when I was growing up because her and her husband and my mom and dad (they were married at the time) hung out. So I saw her a lot. They haven't seen each other in person for about well.. I'd say about 20 years? I am not exaggerating. But they are dating and talking on the phone every day multiple times a day. Dad had planned twice on going own there as she lives out of state. Like way out of state. But each time the plans had to be cancelled due to legitimate things that stopped it from happening. Apparently she is coming up to visit some of the family she still has here and then plans on spending about 3 days up here with my dad before they both go down to where she lives now and dad will spend a week down there. It's a few months off.

Okay, back to the part where the bomb goes off... My dad paused for a moment almost like he didn't know how to say it but was grinning like a fool at the same time.

He said, "I might be getting married again."

WHAT THE FUCK!?

Another bit of back story. When my parents got a divorce, almost 14 years ago, he swore up and down that he was never getting married again. Ever. My parents had been together for 25 years and he didn't want to be tied down again, in so far as a marriage goes.

So... um... you haven't seen this chick face to face in about 20 years but you are talking about marrying her? Um. Well. You're a grown ass man and you know whats best for you.. but still.

He told us that she had actually brought it up, which also shocked me because she had told my dad, in the beginning, that she never wanted to get married again. So.. yeah. I'm rather speechless here.

I just asked him a question that was the only thing that floated through the shock.

"Would you be getting married down there or up here?"

He told me that it would most likely be down there. That kind of upset me. I was there when my mother and her current husband got married. I want to be there if and when my dad ever gets married again. He's my dad after all and I love him. I would like to share that happy moment with him.

I told him that I would really, really want to be there but I didn't know if I would financially be able to. I know it's a ways off (not sure how long since they seem to be getting this into high gear faster than you can breathe) but I also know that would be an expensive as hell trip regardless of when it is.

My dad said he understood and that he wouldn't be mad about it. Well, no. I know that. I also know he wouldn't be able to finance the trip, or even half of it, for Master and I to go down there.

I might just bend over backwards to get down there if I have to. Like I said, I would want to be there. I can't imagine just waiting for a rare trip up here to see him and congratulate him. As is, I'm going to have a hard enough time not being able to see him whenever I want. A really hard time to be completely honest. My dad and I are really close.

We'll see where it goes and how fast. After that is locked down Master and I will have to figure it out from there.

Surprise!

There are certain things that I do that are kind of sneaky. Okay, not kind of. They are totally sneaky. But sometimes it's called for! I have proof!

There aren't many things that I do "behind Master's back" so to speak. I know that makes it sound bad, but it's not. It's always a good thing like a surprise present or something along those lines. This time, it was a present. Now it was kind of for me too but honestly, it was mainly for Him. Yesterday I got my holiday bonus from my job. Honestly, I wasn't sure if we were going to get one this year because the company has claimed that this past year has been a little rough on business. Really? Then why am I constantly busting my ass to try and keep up on my work flow? But that's not the point to this story. The point is that I got one and that it was my half day at work.

Right after I clocked out I sent Master a text to tell Him that I would be running a little late getting home because I had to run a couple of errands. That part was true. There were three things I needed to do before I went home. I held my breath waiting for His response, worried that He would ask me what errands. Sometimes He does that. Thankfully this time He did not ask. I didn't want to lie to Him, so I was glad He didn't ask. He just sent me a text back saying He loves me and to drive safely. It was really icy out so He was a bit worried.

Most of the ice on the main roads were treated with salt so it wasn't that bad. I was still careful though.

Anyway, I dropped off the passenger in my carpool like I do every work day so that doesn't count as an errand. I then stopped at the store to buy soda and a couple of other things. After that I went to the bank to deposit my holiday bonus check. Okay, one more stop. And this is the one I was doing behind His back.

I went to the game store. Ya see, the Xbox 360 we currently had was starting to die on us. The reader had gone completely a few months ago. I think part of that is because we were also using it as a DVD player. But even with that it lasted quite a few years. But since the reader had died I knew other things were going to start breaking on it.

I walked into the game store and immediately went up to the counter. I told them that I needed an Xbox 360 with a 250GB hard drive. That is the largest hard drive they sell. The one on the starting to die Xbox 360 had 175GB. Fuck that, I'm going to top it!

They only had the holiday bundle one. It had the Xbox 360 and two games inside. Tomb Raider and Halo 4. Master doesn't play either of those games. But oh well. The Tomb Raider game was just a little slip of paper with a code on it but the Halo 4 game was actually a physical game. So the dude rings it up and asks me if I want the one year warranty. I asked how much it was and asked for the details on it. It was going to be an extra $30 but it meant that if anything at all went wrong with it, whether it be the system itself, one of the cords.. whatever... all we had to do was bring it back to the store and they would replace it with a brand new one. There was no way I could turn that down. Sure, slap that one year warranty on there. Apparently with the one year warranty you got another game for free. That game was Call of Duty: Ghosts. Another game Master doesn't play but hey it was free.

I'm normally a cheap skate but when I saw the total I didn't even blink. I paid for it and left. This was important. Plus, I had felt so bad when the reader died on the old one because I had literally just bought Him Batman Arkham Origins. (He loves Batman.) So He couldn't even enjoy it anymore.

But back to the story here. I oh so carefully carried the giant bag out to the car. I then opened up the front passenger door of the car. I placed it in the seat and I literally buckled it in with the seat belt. I got a few odd looks from people walking by, let me tell ya. But I didn't want the run the risk of having to brake suddenly or something like that and it sliding all around the car.

When I got home I parked the car and left everything else in the car for the time being. I unbuckled the seat belt and oh so carefully walked it up to the apartment door. I was afraid He was going to be sitting in His recliner and see it right away. But He wasn't. He was sitting the computer chair with His back to me. He said welcome home and all that. I quietly walked over to where He was sitting and put the entire bag in the chair next to Him. (We have two computer chairs side by side at the desk.) He turned His head to look at it, gave me a weird look and raised His eyebrow.

"What is it?"

Of course I was grinning like the cat who ate the canary. "Look in the bag Daddy."

So He does and His eyes got huge. Especially when He saw how big the hard drive is. He kept saying thank you. He was like a giant little kind sitting at the tree on Xmas morning opening presents. The look on His face made me very happy.

Like I said it was partially for me too because we watch Netflix and You Tube on it. But He knew it was mainly for Him. He said, "I'm going to be busy this afternoon!"

Yes, yes He was. He hooked it up to the TV, set it up, and named it. Yes, you can name your system in the console settings. After that was all said and done He installed all of His games to the hard drive so that when He wants to play them all He has to do is have the game in the reader so it can verify He actually owns it but then it stops spinning and just plays it off the hard drive. And now we have a DVD player so that reader should last for a very, very long time since it will barely be used.

He played with it on and off but didn't go hog while on it. He wanted to spend time with me without playing a video game. I was more than ready to just sit reading a book or dicking around online while He played the hell out of His games, but surprisingly that didn't happen.

As for the two physical games that He got for free with the holiday bundle, we will be trading those in to get a game He actually wants. We will hopefully do that today before the weather gets bad since we have a winter storm heading our way starting around 6pm and lasting all day tomorrow.

He told me that I won the wife of the year award. *grins* I'm so happy I could pull this off without Him knowing about it. I don't do it very often, but sometimes I just want to surprise Him.

One Track Mind

Master was picking on me the other day. We were messaging back and forth while I was on my lunch break and I was apologizing for falling asleep on the couch the night before.

I know I don't need to apologize for such things. It's not like He gets mad at me or anything. I'm actually the one that gets mad about it because I don't have a lot of time with Him during the work week, so when I get it I want to enjoy it as much as possible. Falling asleep on the couch of course takes some of that away. But He said what He always says. "Babe, you were tired and you need your sleep." I haven't been sleeping very well. Well, actually that's not entirely true. When I go to bed lately, for the most part, I fall asleep almost instantly and I hardly wake up throughout the night. What I mean when I say I haven't been sleeping well is that it doesn't seem to be enough. I'll get five hours of sleep a night normally.

Not bad. Not great but not bad. Things have been so fucked up at work it's just wearing me the fuck out mentally. And when I get tired mentally my body wants to shut down. And that's when I start doing shit like falling asleep on the couch.

After I was done needlessly apologizing He asked me why I was so upset about it aside from the fact that I wanted to stay up and spend more time with Him. I was very honest. I believe it went a little something like this, "Because I'd like to be awake enough to fuck."

Yeah. A bit blunt I know. But that's how I am.

He "laughed" and said, "I thought guys were supposed to be the ones with the one track minds?"

Fuck that! Guys don't get to have all the fun damnit.

He was just making fun of me though. I have a high sex drive. I know this. He knows this. And I'm rather proud of it actually. Plus, I don't hear Him bitching.. so it's all good.

Over the weekend we got some great sex in but it's just annoying me that lately we haven't been fucking during the work week. I know it's mainly because I've been so exhausted to the point that even if I am awake and all that I probably won't be as active as I normally am during sex.

He also worries about me and part of that concern is making sure I get as much sleep as I can when I'm like this. I understand it and I appreciate it, but I still want to get dick. *laughs*

Damn You Blog

My blog is apparently attempting to get me into trouble. The bitch.

I didn't do a blog post on Friday as currently the rule is every other night. I posted on Thursday and Friday was my night "off" from the blog. So obviously my next post would be "due" on Saturday.

Well, Saturday morning the mutt got me up like he always does. Saturdays are my day to take the dog out and Sunday is Master's. So, the mutt hops up on the foot of my side of the bed and bounces off of it. This is how he wakes me up. It startles me every damn time.

I get bundled up and take him out. I was hoping to be able to go back to bed and get some more sleep. But that wasn't in the cards. As soon as I got inside and took of my jacket and gloves I knew I was awake and there was no way that I was going to be able to go back to bed without just tossing and turning, aggravated that I couldn't fall asleep.

As a result I just stayed up while Master continued to sleep. I figured that I might as well just go ahead and do my blog post then so I didn't have to do it later that night. Sounds good, right?

I type out my post and then hit "publish" to make it to post to the blog. I even posted a direct link of the post to my Twitter. I do that every time I make a post in case any of the people who follow me want to click the link and read that particular post.

Once that is done I just dick around online and end up watching Divorce Court on YouTube. Once Master wakes up we spend the rest of the day just relaxing.

I didn't think about my blog at all since I had already done the post. However, later on Sunday Master asks me why I hadn't made a blog post yesterday (Saturday). I look at him, dumbfounded, and say, "I did make a post Saturday."

He tells me to come over to the computer and bring up my blog. I did. And sure as shit my Saturday post wasn't there. I wasn't going crazy, I knew I damn well made that fucking post. I actually started to freak out a little bit. I didn't want Master thinking that I had disobeyed, especially when I only have to do a post every other night.

I quickly login to my blog and look at the post list. Oh, it was there. But it was only a draft. It had never actually published. What the fuck?! How would I post it to my Twitter account without having already published it. I showed Master that it had been made but that it had somehow ended up only saving itself rather than publishing to the blog.

He said, "Well at least there is a valid explanation."

I let out a sigh of relief and immediately published the post. Hence why the date on my last post says it's from Sunday rather than Saturday.

I have no idea how it just ended up as a draft to begin with. I was more than awake to realize what I was doing and which button I was clicking. I remember hitting the publish button, going to the homepage of my blog, clicking the link, and putting the direct link on my Twitter. I don't know if it somehow reverted to a draft after the fact or what... A hiccup in the system maybe? Who knows.

I'm just glad I could show Master that the post had actually been done.

Winter Has Arrived

Yesterday they were saying we were supposed to get 5 to 8 inches of snow and that it was supposed to start around 5pm. As a result I was sitting there at work just hoping that it would wait until I got home from work. And when I left work it wasn't snowing so I was very happy. I made a quick stop on my way home to pick up a few things to make sure we didn't have to go drive in it.

Last night I would periodically look outside to see how bad it was. No snow. Not even a dusting. It was almost 3:30am by the time I fell asleep on the couch and it hadn't started yet. So I figured it was going to be as bad as they said it was going to be. It's supposed to be lake effect snow and we live about a half mile off the lake so I figured we would get hit pretty hard. But since it hadn't started yet I figured it wasn't going to be that bad.

Then I get up this morning to take the dog out and sure as fuck it's snowing. There wasn't a lot on the ground yet but the snow was coming down pretty hard and steady so I'm guessing that by tonight we should have about 5 inches of snow.

I'm just glad we don't have to go anywhere today. We shouldn't have to leave the apartment at all except for when the dog has to go outside to do his business.

So far we haven't had our typical severe winter storms. But it's still pretty early in the winter season. Hell, a few years back we had a blizzard that we didn't really think was going to be as bad as it was and then boom... we couldn't even get out the door of the apartment. So who knows. Our winters can be rather unpredictable at times.

Painted Nails

I've never been a girly girl. Never. Yes, I can wear heels. But I don't see that as girly. Maybe because of the kind of heels I like. *shrugs* Black, high, and at least somewhat comfortable.

Since I was a little kid I've been seen as a tom boy. I hated wearing dresses when I was a kid. I preferred to be comfortable. I don't mind dresses now, depending on what it is. I mean come on now, I wore a black dress for our wedding. Yes, I love the color (or lack there of) black. Black, gray, dark blue, dark red, and dark purple. They all flow together pretty well. And that is the majority of my wardrobe. There are a few exceptions of course.

Anyway, my point is that as much as I'm not a girly girl I love having painted nails. I almost always have my toenails painted. This went through my mind because while I was taking my shower tonight, I looked down and it actually looked weird to me because I don't have any nail polish on my toenails. None. I don't know why it looked weird, it just did.

The funny thing is that Master told me a long time ago that I'm the first woman He's dated (we were just dating at the time) that paints their toenails. That surprised me.

I love having my fingernails painted too, but they chip so damn easily! It gets frustrating. They will look awesome for a few days and then it starts to chip away.

My toenails don't do that. They stay painted until I take it off. No chipping. So most of the time I'll walk around with just my toenails painted and no nail polish on my fingernails. I'm sure to some people, if they saw my feet, would think it looked stupid. But I like it. Master doesn't seem to mind either. There have been plenty of times where I'll sit on the couch and paint my toenails without putting any on my fingernails. He just tells me it looks nice.

He doesn't really care honestly. I mean I think He likes it but I don't think He cares whether they are painted or not. That doesn't stop me from asking if He likes the color. Or I'll pull out two or three different colors and ask Him to pick one out. He never gets irritated with me when I do that. It doesn't happen frequently but you would think He would just roll His eyes. But He doesn't. He'll take a look at each of them and then take the one He wants into His hand long enough for me to put the other ones down.

I did have acrylic nails a couple of times. Just the fingernails. I've never had anyone give me a pedicure. I would probably kick them in the head. I have very ticklish feet.

I liked the acrylic nails for a while. Master said they looked nice but didn't really care for them. Not because of the cost but because He prefers me being natural. Nail polish, a little eyeliner, and a little lipstick is fine. Anything outside of that? Yeah... not so much.

I'm not going to paint my toenails tonight though. I'm feeling extremely lazy. I'll probably paint them this weekend though.

Rough Day

Master and I both had a pretty rough day. His was partially because He only had two hours of sleep and partially because it was a lot of a hurry up and wait circle jerk circus.

I also did not get a whole lot of sleep. I went to bed at my usual time but that doesn't mean I actually slept. It was a lot of tossing and turning. Some of it was staring at the clock and wondering why the hell I wasn't asleep yet.

I finally fell asleep shortly before Master came to bed. So I had been laying there for about 3 1/2 hours without being able to sleep. Getting the car out of the snow was also fun. It stopped snowing at some point last night. But the car needed a lot of scraping off and also took a little longer to warm up. It also sucked that the fuckers who plow the parking lot always decide to dump all of the damn snow right in front of parking spaces whether there is a car there or not.

Sometimes I really can't believe we pay this much in rent and it seems like the landlords become cheaper and cheaper with the vendors they hire. It's especially apparent in the winter when the salting of the sidewalks is mainly left to the tenants and the plows don't come and do the drive way and parking lot until late at night or, sometimes, not at all.

By the time we both got home we both looked like we were going to pass out. After dinner though I'm actually more awake than I thought I would be. I know I still look drained as hell and probably a little pale. But I'm awake. Blah. But awake.

Nothing To See Here

This sucks. I'm down to only blogging once every other day, rather than every day, and  yet tonight I can't think of a fucking thing to write about. I want to keep this blog on track with what it's about. I mean yeah I'll still do posts about other things rather than our dynamic but I'm trying to keep those down to a minimum. There hasn't been anything kinky going on. The dynamic is as it should be.

And even if I did write about something off topic so to speak, I don't have anything to write about either. I could do a "I did this and then I did that" type post but that is just pointless and it wouldn't involve anything interesting anyway.

All I've been doing is going to work, putting overtime in, coming home and relaxing a bit just waiting for the weekend. This week was my half day week so I got out early on Friday. But between yesterday and today there really isn't anything special. I did some present shopping and regular errands type shit but other than that. *shrugs* Aside from presents we picked up a couple of new movies on DVD and have watched them both already.

We only have one good TV show series on Netflix that we haven't finished yet and the rest are movies or TV shows that we have already watched. Otherwise we'd have to go searching for new stuff.

So, like I said, there isn't a damn thing going on that is worth blogging about.

It's not like I'm bored. I've been enjoying the down time. It's just not blog worthy.

1,689

Okay, so a quick explanation on the blog post title. When I logged in to do my post for the night I see what I always see. But for some reason my eyes stopped on the number of posts I've done on this blog.

It is 1,688. Which makes this post number 1,689. Holy shit. And what's funny about that is that when I moved this blog here I could only transfer my blog posts from as far back as 2009. That means that two years worth of blog posts aren't even here. I have no idea how many more posts that would have been. I didn't blog as faithfully back then as Master didn't require it. Right now He has it to where I do a blog post every other night rather than every single day like I usually do.

So let's go through some more statistics here. According to the blog counter there have been 549,747 hits as of right this very second. That is amazing! And that's only since I put the blog counter up. I would say for a good two years I didn't have a blog counter at all. As a result, I have no idea of the real total. But still, that's damn amazing.

The top five places that my "fans" are located as far as the past month goes:

1.  United States of America
2. Russia
3. Germany
4. United Kingdom
5. Canada

I don't know why I find this so fascinating tonight. It's odd how when I first logged on I had no idea what I was going to write about as I am rather brain dead at the moment due to a really long day at work.

But when I see the number of posts I all of a sudden go on a statistics frenzy.

Blogger tracks all of that. Hell, it even shows me what the most popular web browsers are used when viewing my blog. It's not like I know who is looking. It's nothing like that so please don't let that "scare" you off of reading here. It's this way with all blogs on Blogger. It's just general and vague statistics.

I'm so happy that so many people from all over enjoy coming here and do so repeatedly. I'll admit that I get curious about what the most popular posts are from time to time. I tried just adding the direct widget, but I don't like the size of the text on it and I can't figure out how to alter that. I want it to be like my recent posts where it shows the thumbnail and a small snippet of the post. The snippet portion is the one with the text size issue. I may try again at a later time to see if I can fix it. But for now, I removed it.

Good Girl

There is nothing wrong with praise and/or receiving "rewards" from your Master. I have read things along those lines. Blogs that state that if you are a slave you shouldn't expect to receive such things. And some go so far as to say you shouldn't get them at all because you are a slave and there for are too low to even be acknowledged let alone praised. Fuck that noise by the way.

I don't expect anything. If He wants to praise me He will. If He wants to reward my good behavior, that's His idea not mine.  Do I hope sometimes? Well, yeah. Not really on the whole reward thing but with the praise. Sometimes when I do something I really hope I'll get a "good girl" and a nuzzle or maybe He'll pet my hair for a little while. But that's a hope. That's not an expectation. That would mean I got pissed off if it didn't happen. And I don't. I don't even really feel disappointed. It's all up to Him and, after all, I'm only doing things I'm supposed to be doing.

I'm not really doing anything special. I'm supposed to do what I'm told and to follow rules that He has set up. I do my best to adhere to those and not forget them. I honestly think that minus that one hiccup a little while ago when I forgot to ask if I could stay dressed, I've been doing pretty damn well.

I haven't been punished in a long time. I've gotten a very stern reprimand here and there and sometimes a look that cuts right through me. But no punishment.

As far as my rewards go they range. Here is a small list of things that I am rewarded with. I'm leaving the praise out just because that's a completely different thing to me. I know I'm going to forget somethings but here are the ones I can name off of the top of my head.

• An extra long back massage.
• A full body massage front and back, from my neck to my feet.
• Extra long cuddle time.
• Being allowed to cum more frequently while He is fucking me. 
• Brushing my hair. (I can't be the only one that loves having their hair brushed.) 
• Being able to kneel at His feet with my head in His lap while He pets my hair.
• Him jumping in the shower with me to wash me down and wash my hair.

Those are my favorites. Like I said, I know I'm missing some. So please don't think that's all. Because I know it isn't, I just can't think of any other ones right now. Then again I'm half brain dead at the moment. So I'm just really hoping this post makes sense. 

In regards to praise sometimes it's simply verbal and sometimes it's something extra affectionate that He does. Sometimes He'll call me a good girl. (Gotta love the "good girl" praise. It never gets old.) Sometimes He'll just give me a smile and kiss my forehead and then petting my head a little bit before sending me off to go relax or do something else for Him.

There is nothing wrong with such things, in my opinion. Just because I'm a slave doesn't mean I can't be rewarded and praised by my Master.

Loved, Needed, & Wanted

This may sound somewhat stupid. Hell, it may sound extremely stupid. But these past four days I have had off of work have really helped me. They have allowed me to decompress for more than a day and a half and it has also allowed me some extra down time that I really needed. I think it has helped me get back into the dynamic head space that I need to be in. 

I mean, don't get me wrong, it's not like we've been able to focus on us 100% of the time. Thursday we were at His mom's, Friday we were at my dad's, yesterday we had to ourselves, and today we had to run an errand with His mom. That errand took significantly longer than either of us expected but oh well. It's done.

But I don't always need it to be just the two of us time in order to get back into where I need to be. I felt myself getting it right a little bit more each day. I feel that I took a bigger step yesterday because it was all about us, but it was bit by bit. And today I feel like I should feel.

I'm not saying that I was completely out of sync. I wasn't. I was minding my place, I was being a good girl (for the most part), and I was serving Him as I am supposed to. But I haven't gone this deep into that head space in a long, long time.

It's just that so many other things bleed into one day after another that it's not always easy to just let it all flow off my back like water so I can focus properly. These past four days I have had time to do so. It was bit by bit but it eventually accelerated and here I am now.

I always feel so much more peaceful when I'm in that deep slave space that my mind goes to. I wish I could feel like this all the time. Hell, I wish I could stay home and be a stay at home slave. That's never going to happen mind you. It's not financially feasible just as it isn't for most couples, married or otherwise. And unless we run into a fuck ton of money, it's never going to be feasible. It's just how the world works.

But on nights like tonight, where I know that in a handful of hours I'll have to go to bed in order to go to work in the morning that wish becomes very strong. At least being a slave is easier. Well, not really easier. But at least when I'm doing that I'm in a more peaceful state of mind. I feel like I have purpose. I feel like I'm doing something that matters.

Bringing home a paycheck matters. It really, really does. But the things I do to earn a paycheck feels so bland and gray. My whole work day just seems paled out. Almost as if there isn't any color until I get home from work. And then, even though it's night time, I feel like the color snaps back.

If I were able to just stay home and serve Him the color wouldn't bleed away. I know a lot of it is that one, I don't really feel like what I do at my job matters, two, that I have a shit ton of stress at work, and three that I don't feel appreciated when I'm at work.

With Master I feel appreciated. It doesn't  feel like I don't matter. It doesn't feel like I'm replaceable. With Master I feel loved, cared for, wanted, needed, and protected.

Damn real world and all it's bullshit has to come in and pause it from 9 to 5 Monday through Friday.

At least if it's a day off of work and we have a lot of errands to do, I'm still with Him. As mundane as the errand(s) may be, I'm with Him. And if I'm not I don't have anything sucking the life out of me before I get home to Him.

I'm going to try fucking hard as hell to just keep my mind where it is right now throughout the work week and then maybe, hopefully, I won't feel so washed out come Friday.

Morning Wood

Master woke me up and we snuggled a little bit. I felt like I was going to doze off again because I was so comfortable. Master again told me to wake up. So I opened my eyes and started to move to go ahead and get out of bed as I thought that is what He wanted me to do. He put His hand in the middle of my chest and pushed me back down. I looked at Him, a little confused.

He said something along the lines of Him waking up with morning wood and it needing to be taken care of. I reached down and played with Him a little bit. After a little while He pulled away and gently flipped me onto my stomach.

When He first entered me it hurt. I had woken up a little moist but not dripping wet. He didn't care. He forced His cock inside of me until He was balls deep. I whimpered and sighed at the same time. I whimpered because it hurt and I sighed because it felt so damn good.

He fucked me and kept His upper body above mine as He did so, but pretty much remained balls deep other wise, only moving His hips slightly. Once I felt Him started to pull back more with each thrust I arched my hips up and made sure to keep the rest of my body as flat to the bed as possible. I tried to hold still at first but I did start to push back a little bit.

As I heard Him grunt and begin to moan I went back to staying still. After I did so He started slamming into me and each time and it became more difficult to hold that position but I somehow managed. I could feel that He was getting closer to cumming and it felt wonderful. I couldn't help but moan loudly. As soon as I did He pumped His cum into me.

I didn't cum the entire time. I know that anytime He has morning wood it's not about me. It's all about Him getting off. Well, then again when isn't it? It's only about me if He wants it to be. Other wise I'm not allowed to cum. I have to be given permission or ordered to get off unless He is eating me out or fucking me in the ass.

I feel more objectified when we're fucking because He has morning wood. I'm not sure why. It's really no different than any other time He uses me. Maybe it's  because we're fucking only because He woke up with morning wood and He wanted to relieve it. Not that I mind. Sometimes I only want to be His sex toy. Nothing more than something for Him to jerk off into. He has called me that many times. My pussy is just something He is using to masturbate with. *shivers* That is fucking hot if you ask me.

Being Creative

Last night I ended up taking a short nap on the couch to attempt to get rid of a headache. I had been dealing with it on and off all day and the advil wasn't really working. Sometimes a nap is all I need to finally get rid of it. It worked.

When I woke up I did my blog post and then took my shower. It had been a while since I had dressed up for Master and before my nap He had told me He wanted me to put on something "nice" for Him after my shower. So I did. It took me a little while to figure out what I wanted to wear. I didn't want to just toss on a simple outfit ya know? I wanted to be a little creative with it. It took me a while to dig through everything and try to figure it out. It was taking me so long that Master actually came back to the bedroom to see what the hell I was doing. Thankfully I hadn't put anything on yet because I wanted it to be a surprise. He startled me because the fan was on and I was so focused on finding something to wear. Once He saw that I was digging through my lingerie He went back to the living room.

I ended up putting on some knee highs that are pure black except on the back of them they have rips through them. The rips are supposed to be there though. It's not like I just found an old pair of ripped up knee highs. I don't normally wear knee highs. Master prefers thigh highs normally and honestly when I bought these I thought they were thigh highs. But they are still sexy.

Then I found what I can really only describe as a tube top. But it only, barely, covers my tits and they have a section in the front that has slits in it. I also found some of my sexy fingerless gloves. Once I had all that it seemed like something was missing. I found a mini skirt. It's just a normal black mini skirt with a zipper that goes diagonally down the front. So I put that on too. And of course, to top it all off, I put on my heels.

Master seemed extremely pleased by what I had done. He always loves it when I get creative. It may seem weird that I would choose a regular mini skirt as part of my lingerie outfit but it looked really good. I was laying on the couch and Master was on the computer chair for a while. When He has me dress up nine times out of ten we do not immediately go to the bedroom. Master likes to enjoy it for a while before fucking me.

I had my legs bent and crossed. As a result all Master had to do was barely move His head and He could see right up the skirt. He commented on how He always sees me walking around the apartment naked and it turns Him on but there was something about being able to look up my skirt that added something to it. I just smiled.

A hour probably went by before He ordered me to the bedroom. He got there first and was already naked and in bed. I walked in and asked if He wanted my heels on or off. Sometimes He wants me to keep them on. But this time He told me to take them off.

After I did I crawled into bed next to Him. As soon as I did He crushed me to Him and started to really bite down on my neck and slid His hand down to pull my skirt up a little bit so He could rub His hand on my ass and sometimes dip His fingers down. He then asked me if the tube top was velcro or hooks. It was hooks. He undid the hooks and yanked it off of me before forcing me onto my back so He could molest my tits with His mouth. As soon as I could dip my arm down I started playing with His already erect cock. There was already pre-cum slowly dripping out of the head of His dick. I used that to massage the head of His cock and just behind it. He growled and became more aggressive with His teeth.

Once He was done He knelt up and I continued to run my hand, playfully, along His shaft. He fingered me for a little while and asked me if I wanted to slide up. I said no. He chuckled and said, "So you just want to be fucked?"

"Yes please Master."

"I think that can be arranged."

As soon as those words passed His lips He grabbed my waist, flipped me over and then forced me to get on all fours. He hiked up my skirt so it was just around my hips before forcefully ramming His cock into me. I propped my upper body up with my hands and arched my back the best I could.

He grabbed my hips and hooked His fingers under the top of my skirt, using that to bounce me off His dick. I don't know why but it is a huge turn on to have a hiked up skirt while He is fucking me. I guess it just makes it seem more spontaneous and forceful. As if I had just been walking around in a skirt and He decided to flip it up and fuck me out of no where.

He then leaned over me more, propping Himself up on His fists, pounding me hard and fast. I arched my feet up a little bit so that each time He moved His balls would rub up against my knee highs, just to add a little more sensation for His pleasure.

He backed off a bit, as in He stopped leaning over me and went back to kneeling and holding my hips. He bounced me off of His cock and I started to buck back a little more each time. As I started to buck my hips more and more He stopped moving and just allowed me to do all of the work.

I felt His orgasm basically sneak up on Him and He grabbed my hips, leaned back further so that He was deeper inside me and I felt His cum shooting into me with each pulse of His cock. Once it was over He slapped my ass which was His way of telling me to move. I did. I moved forward just a tiny bit before bucking back again. He growled and smacked my ass again. I giggled and finally moved so He could get comfortable and lay down. I laid down next to Him with a hug smile on my face.

He commented on how quickies aren't always a bad thing. I said that they are never a bad thing. A quickie can sometimes be more intense actually. It all depends on mood I guess. I asked, "So Your orgasm kind of sneaked up on you didn't it?"

He laughed, "You were bucking back. I blame You." He heard me giggle and said, "You're proud of yourself aren't you?"

"Yes Master I am."

My Master has a lot of self control. He prides Himself on it actually. So, when I can move in such a way that His orgasm creeps up on Him I'm very happy with myself. Especially since it is very, very rare. And He knows that I'm proud of myself when that happens.

He had me clean Him off and then told me I could get undressed. We went back into the living room, thinking we would stay up longer. But as soon as we sat down and got comfortable in the living room we both realized, at the same time, how tired we were. So we just turned everything off and went to bed.

I love falling asleep next to Him. Because our sleep schedules during the work week I never get to fall asleep next to Him. He cuddles up to me when He comes to bed but I never get to just fall asleep in His arms except on Friday and Saturday. I treasure those nights.

Here We Are

I was pretty young when I met Master. I was freshly 20 years old. I never thought, prior to meeting Him, that I would ever end up submitting to someone. I had thoughts of kinky sex but figured that it would never happen. They were just thoughts that would remain unfulfilled.

There are things that I honestly feel would never happen in someones life, that is until they meet the right person and it is a natural reaction. I had self image issues when I first met Him. But even though I had those issues, along with going through mental and emotion abuse, I was still a strong willed person. Some how, some way, that had remained intact. And I think that is one thing that attracted Master to me. I know it was something that attracted me to Him. He was/is a very confident person. He carries and portrays Himself a certain way that just clicked something in my mind in the most pleasant way.

I was highly attracted to Him not only because of His looks but because of the way He carried and Himself. It was an immediate and surprising reaction. It was surprising because I had never met someone like Him. I was fascinated by Him. I was fascinated by the way I acted by simply being around Him.

At first it was almost purely sexual on both sides of the coin. Don't get me wrong, I really loved being around Him. We clicked in ways that I didn't even think was possible. And I'm not just saying that because I was young.

Although it didn't take long for us to have deep and strong feelings for one another. It was a very fast progression. And as soon as we started to delve into a romantic relationship the natural reactions in so far as the dynamic began to peek through.

It was so far away from where we are now. We have experimented with a lot of different things in the course of our relationship. Different kinks, different forms of etiquette.

Since I first met this Man I felt naturally submissive to Him. I have never, ever felt that way before and I know for a fact that I will never react to another person the way I do to Him. He makes me feel a way that only He can. He has my heart, mind, and soul. And He knows it. He doesn't abuse that. And He has told me in the past that I have Him just as much as He has me. We are mates and I mean that in every sense of the word.

He has also told me that while He has always had an Alpha male mentality, and kinky thoughts, He never thought that He would be a Master. Just as I never thought I would ever be a slave.

This was very new to both of us. There have been ups and downs. We were learning together and pieced it all together ourselves. We stumbled sometimes but we found our way back.

I honestly think that we both react to one another in this way on a very natural and primal level. It's not just about the kink. It's not just about the sex. You could take the kink and sex out of it and we would still fall into the routine that we have. He would still lead and I would still follow.

I love that about us. And it sometimes, I feel, it causes jealousy in others. I know for a fact a couple of His friends have felt that way. One was only because he wanted his wife to basically be less of a bitch. The other is our friend BC. He has kink tenancies and wants to be a Dominant. Which you would find hilarious, if you ever met the man. He has always been jealous of it. He has tried to convince his now wife to try it and she basically shoots it down before he can fully get the words out of his mouth. He has complained about such things to Master and asks how He convinced me to go along with it.

And that's the thing. He never tried to convince me or trick me into anything. As a I said it's very natural for us. He didn't drag me kicking and screaming. In the beginning we didn't even have to talk about it. As it grew we did talk about it simply because we noticed the way we were reacting to one another and to see how we could fan that flame. We both wanted it to get stronger.

And so here we are. I wouldn't have it any other way.

Evolution

I just kind of want to veg out mentally. So, I'm just going to kind of ramble and if you can keep up, awesome. If not, I totally understand. I don't really have much to say in regards to real life. And I don't want to. So there.

I remember when I was a little girl I thought it would be awesome to have a diary. I wonder if every little girl goes through that. Never mind you don't really have a lot to write about at 9 years old, but that didn't stop me from wanting one. And I got one for my birthday. I think it was more just wanting to have something that I could put my oh so important little girl thoughts in, rather than actually sitting down and writing in it. I don't remember writing in it very much at all. It was a simple little hard cover diary that was smaller than a pocket sized soft cover book. It didn't have a lock or anything. I did write in it, kind of. I did more doodling than actual writing. As I got a little older, probably closer to 12 years old I wanted one that locked. Because my little brother had opened the one I had without a lock! How dare he look at my doodling.

So I got one of those. It was another hard cover diary. It was white with flowers all over it. It had this little clasp on it where you would put this tiny as hell key in it to unlock it. It didn't really do anything. I mean, you could easily pry the damn thing open.

After a while I decided I was too old for a diary. I didn't keep one during my teen years. Which is kind of weird. All of my teen friends had one. I no longer felt the need to have one. After all, I had only ever doodled in the ones I had in the past. Why bother?

Then I met Master. About 6 months into our relationship He wanted me to start keeping a diary. We saw each other twice a week and He would read it when He came down to visit. It all started with how I was feeling, what I was thinking, etc. about our dynamic. It was in it's baby stage back then. It took a long time to get it where it is now.

I kept those hand written diaries for a long, long time. I wrote in a hard cover diary for four years. Of course, it didn't take long for them to fill up. So I would store that one away and get a new one. And so on and so forth.

It was very shortly after we got married that Master allowed me to keep a blog rather than writing in a hand written diary. Well, I take that back. For a few months He had me do both. I don't remember why. He had a valid reason though. I just can't remember what the fuck it was.

Eventually it just became the blog itself and the hand written diary stopped all together. After all, it's a hell of a lot easier and quicker to type than it is to write things out by hand. The odd thing is that I still have every single hand written diary I wrote while we were together before the blogging started. Four years worth of diaries. They are just chilling in our bedroom closet. I haven't gone back and read them in a long time. I never really felt the need to.

Every now and then we'll talk about how I should just get rid of them. Toss them out. It hasn't happened yet. It might when we move. I have no idea.

My blog though.. holy hell has it gone through some changes. It started on Blogger and I coded the whole thing myself. I thought it was the shit at the time. But I remember how it looked and I shudder at the memory of it. It was horrible. But hey, I was just starting out.

Then I heard all these whispers about Word Press. So I jumped ship. I was there for quite some time. I did different themes and templates. It went through more face lifts than I can even remember. I even paid them to allow me to change it up to the way I wanted. You couldn't just upload a theme and tweak it for free. I thought it was worth it at the time though.

Suddenly their rules changed and they were not to my liking at all. I can't put my finger on exactly which rules they were but they did directly effect my blog. I was pissed because I had been paying them to basically upgrade my otherwise free blog and now I had to deal with their bullshit rules? Fuck you very much!

So back to Blogger! And here it is. I don't really know how long it has been back here on Blogger but it feels like a long time. Again, it has gone through facelifts. I couldn't settle on a template to save my life for the longest time.

Eventually I settled on the one I have now. It's the same template but it was blue for a long time. All of a sudden I felt the need to change it up again. But I couldn't find a theme that I loved as much as I do this one. So, a tiny facelift rather than an overhaul. I just took the blue and made it purple. And now that it's purple I actually like it more. Funny how just changing the color of links can make you happy.

Hopefully I can keep the nerd in me quiet for a long time now. I love how it looks. And I'm going to keep it that way for as long as I can. Hell, maybe this is how it will look from now on. Who knows. (Yes, I know I've said that before. But this purple is really, really grooving with me. More than I thought it would actually.)

Do I think I'll ever stop blogging? Well, not unless Master tells me to stop. It's not my choice, it's His. I know that I have to get back to topic. The blog is supposed to be a slave blog and yet, lately, I've been posting about everything but slave like things.

Note to self: Start blogging about what this damn blog is supposed to be about! Ya dumb bitch.

So... I make a promise to post about slave like things. Other topics may come now and again but I seriously need to get back in touch with that mind set. I think it will help relieve some of the stress I've had. Or at the very least help me get my focus off of the stress and onto something else for a while. Even if it is only for as long as it takes me to type out a blog post.

There you have it. The evolution of my diaries.

Coming Up

For some reason I was thinking about our anniversary today. Odd. It's not until March and there was really nothing that triggered it. *shrugs*

We'll be hitting 11 years together and 7 years of marriage. Like I said I have no fucking clue as to why this ran through my head. The past few anniversaries we really haven't been able to do much. Finances and all that.

We don't really want to do much. Well, I take that back. We would love to go back to Sybaris, which is where we went for our honeymoon. But that isn't going to be in the cards this upcoming year either. It could be if we went for like one night, but that doesn't make much sense. It's about a 45 minute drive one way. And it would actually be kind of depressing. For our honeymoon we went for three nights. And it was absolutely wonderful.

Only going there for one night, while it would be fun, would also be somewhat anticlimactic.

That's the funny thing though. My birthday is only three weeks before our anniversary. But I don't really care about my birthday. After all it's not like I can do anything different just because I'm going to turn 31. I appreciate the birthday wishes and I do like at least going out to dinner for it. But our anniversary is much, much more important to me.

I don't want much. A night of going out would suit me just fine. This upcoming year our anniversary will land on a Friday, which is nice. I'll still have to work but at least it isn't in the middle of the week. I'm sure we'll think of something. Maybe we'll finally go down to the restaurant where we had our first date. Every year we say we will but then decide against it because it's not in town. This upcoming year though I don't care. I'll set money aside and we'll go damnit.

Pent Up

As I've commented on lately our sex life is great it's just not as frequent as it normally is. There are reasons. It's not like we don't find one another as attractive as we once did. I know that's not the case. It's just been one thing after another after another. And as a result our sex life has suffered a bit. *shrugs* It happens.

Last night was another break in our infrequent dry spells. Now keep in mind I'm referring to a week or a little over as a dry spell. *laughs* I do that because we are normally fucking more frequently than that. Last night though Master ordered me to the bedroom. It was already past my bedtime because He had allowed me to stay up. I was actually a little worried that since He had allowed me to stay up on a Sunday night that He would just send me off to bed. Thankfully that was not the case.

He joined me in bed shortly after I got comfortable. The first thing He did was pull me to Him and sink His teeth into my neck. It's amazing how much of a turn on that is for both of us. Especially when He bites down so hard at times.

He hovered over me and had one hand on the back of my neck while He continued to chew on my neck. He pulled me down further under Him so I was almost laying completely sideways on the bed. He crushed me to Him and altered between biting down almost as hard as He could and then just running my skin through His teeth.

He would stop and just run the tip of His nose along my neck while breathing heavy. Each hot breath just turned me on. Then He caught me off guard but biting down again.

He them dipped His head down and started molesting my tits with His teeth and tongue. I reached down and did my best to play with His cock. The angle we were both at didn't make it easy but I tried anyway. I just wanted to touch it, to play with it, to run my fingers along it before getting a good grip for a moment to only go back to being playful with my touch.

Once He had His fill of biting me He told me to slide up. After I was in position He got comfortable between my legs. I love it when He eats me out. He's just so damn good at it. There is something to say for being together for over a decade. You learn the other's body so damn well.

After I came I was extremely sensitive. He chuckled and tormented me a little bit before telling my to bend over. He fucked me hard and deep. He didn't ever go slow or gentle. It was delicious. He allowed me to cum several times, talking dirty to me the entire time. I wanted to talk dirty back but I could barely catch my breath. I rotated my hips and bucked back, which He greatly enjoyed.

After He filled me He collapsed over me and said, "I guess we were both pent up." *laughs* So I commented back that we shouldn't wait that long again. I know it doesn't sound like a lot of time. A little over a  week. But for us it is.

I was wired afterward. But I knew I had to go to bed. It was a little past 1am but this point and I had to get up at 6am. There was no way He was going to allow me to stay up later.

So I took a benadryl to make sure I would sleep. I went to bed with a huge smile on my face.

Comfort & Support

I had my medication upped not that long ago because I was having issues with being "only" on 225 milligrams. So I was upped to 300 milligrams. And since then I have been feeling great. No episodes of horrible thoughts. No sudden mood swings that make absolutely no sense. I'm back to normal. Well, as normal as I get anyway.

It has been a little over a month since the medication has been increased and it did take a little while for it to balance me out fully. It is one of those medications that has to build up in your system to work, so when I had to increase the dosage that take a little while to fully kick in. Which makes sense since it does have to build up. Thankfully because the drug had already been in my system for years the base was already there, so it didn't take long at all to catch up.

During the time before I realized the lower dosage wasn't working anymore, I told my Husband and my mother about the thoughts I was having. And of course they were concerned and worried. Master watched me like a hawk and my mom was constantly checking in to make sure things were okay and she did call Master while I was at work to make sure that I was telling her the complete truth rather than just telling Master and not her. She's over protective, but hey.. she's my mom. She loves me and she worries about me. So of course she is over protective, as is Master. I'm not mad or upset about it. I understand why they are.

I also know that I am very, very lucky to have them in my life and for them to care about me that much. My brother was also extremely worried and would check in.

Since that has happened, if I seem overly upset the words, "Do you need to up your medication again? upset me a little when it is first asked. I understand why those words are spoken.. I know it was extremely scary for the people I love while I was going through that shit right before my medication was upped. I understand the concern.

But sometimes those words make me feel crazy. As if I can't be very upset without people thinking my medication isn't working. I know that isn't the truth. I know they don't think I am actually crazy. They are just concerned and protective. I am open and honest with my feelings and I was when things started to happen and my medication actually did have to be upped.

I think it's mainly due to the fact that it hasn't been long since the medication was upped. Hell, it was only two months ago for crying out loud.

And no, it's not just Master who says that. My mother does too. And it's not like it's frequent.

It happened on Friday with Master because I had felt like I was going to cry all day and finally did shortly after I got home. The problem is I can't really talk when I'm crying. It's like my throat closes up and when I do try to talk I end up breathing in short bursts because I'm trying to talk. Of course my throat isn't actually closing, it's just how I feel when I cry.

So He asked me that question. At the time I couldn't speak so I just shook my head. When I finally calmed down enough to talk I explained that it's just the work bullshit and my being scared that I'll lose my job before I am able to find a new one. Yes, that feeling mainly happens at work because that is where all those feelings are coming from and I refuse to breakdown at work so it all comes tumbling out when I'm at home.

I was also worried about things that were going to happen yesterday, meaning Saturday. (Things went just fine by the way and it's not something I'm willing to talk about on the blog.) So it was a mixed range of emotions coming from two places in my mind at once.

It also didn't help that I am on the rag so I'm a little emotional anyway. It was a fucked up perfect storm going on in my damn gray matter.

I also don't think it helps that I haven't really broken down sobbing since my medication was upped. I'm sure that is a huge part of where that question came from.

Do not get me wrong. I do not actually get mad when people ask me that question. I deeply appreciate the concern and love that the question is coming from. And after I am done feeling a little crazy just from the fact that people feel the need to ask me that question, that feeling goes away and is replaced with my love for those people when they ask the question. And the comfort of that support overwhelms me in a wonderful way.

I also know that I don't always realize that I am acting certain ways until someone points out the fact that I am not being myself. So they get concerned and the question is because of that. They want to make sure that I know I am in fact acting in certain ways and want to make sure that I know why I am upset rather than just not having a valid reason.

I am not crazy. They don't think I'm crazy. They just know I need to make sure I know what is going on and that I am being completely honest about my feelings rather than leaving them in the dark, which I have been known for doing in the past before my medication fully kicked in. And I'm not talking about when it was upped, as I said I was an open book with that. I am referring to when I was first put on the medication and before it got to the dosage I needed at the time.

My Place

Today I did something that I am not happy with myself about. I forgot my place. It's not like I went off on Master or anything stupid like that. Actually, to most people, it is a small detail. But I know Master wasn't pleased and I was pissed at myself for it.
The worst part of it is that I didn't even think about it when I was doing it. I was all tra-la-la in my head and not remembering the rules. Like I said it will most likely sound stupid to most people, especially when I'm making such a big deal out of it. I'm actually making a bigger deal out of it than Master is.

So what was it? Well, it is cold as fuck today. It has been all day and since I spent so much of the day running around, in and out of the car, I just could not shake the chill off of me. Never mind I was completely bundled up all day. I had jeans, a hoodie, my winter boots, my leather jacket, my leather gloves, and a knit winter hat on. But the cold still clung to me. I could feel it in my joints, that's for damn sure. It's oh so much fun being 30 years old with fibromyalgia. There are days where I feel a hell of a lot older than I actually am.

Anyway, back to the point here. Like i said it felt like I couldn't shake the chill at all. So I wanted to stay comfy. After I got home I stayed fully dressed for a little while because I though I was going to take the dog out as it is my day to do so. But Master knew how tired and sore I was from all the running around and how early I had to get up. He was kind enough to take the mutt out for me this afternoon.

Since I didn't have to go anywhere I took of my jeans but left my hoodie on and immediately started putting on my yoga pants. I acted as if it wasn't a big deal. I didn't even blink I simply did it. Master looked at me and commented about how I didn't even think to ask permission to stay dressed. The rule is when I'm at home I'm either to be naked or, if we had the blinds on the patio door open, I'm allowed to wear a longer t-shirt with nothing else on. Obviously the t-shirt is long enough to wear no one would be able to see anything. It's always one of His shirts so there is no problem there.

But at that moment I didn't stop to ask if I may stay dressed or get comfortable wearing a hoodie and yoga pants. In fact I didn't even realize it until He made that comment. I was immediately upset with myself and I literally hung my head down. He told me that I might as well stay dressed for a while. I still felt bad and He didn't punish me. I think He let it slide with just a not so happy toned comment because as I was putting on my yoga pants I was explaining to Him how I had felt the cold down to my bones all damn day.

There is, however, a huge difference in explaining why I'm putting on clothes and asking permission to put on clothes. If I had asked permission and then explain why, or the other way around, that would be acceptable. I would be asking permission to do something and explaining why I am asking.

I only did the explanation and left the whole asking permission thing out of it. Like I said, I didn't even think while I was doing it. I was just so focused on how cold I felt that I acted without thinking. Never mind it should be second fucking nature to ask permission. After all, it has been a rule forever and a fucking day.

He forgave me though. I was cold and I had gotten up today earlier than I get up on a normal work day because I had some important shit to take care of which started before dawn. He did let me stay comfortable though for a while and I did ask permission to take a nap. He allowed it. I felt a lot better when I woke up.

However, since that mishap I have been very careful about asking permission. I asked permission to keep my socks on once I did slip out of my comfy clothes. My feet stay cold for a long time. He allowed that. And then when I got done taking the dog out and we were able to settle in for the night I again asked to keep my socks on. Again He allowed it.

I feel stupid for that fuck up. It's not a huge fuck up but it's still a fuck up. Master hasn't brought it up since that one comment and I am not supposed to dwell on things. And I'm not. I'm not beating myself up about it but I wanted to post about it.

Purple!

Okay, so you remember how I said I was looking for a new template for my blog? Well, that turned out to be a bigger hassle than I originally thought it would be. Seriously. I just couldn't find one that I love as much as this one.

I was getting frustrated. I wanted to give up but at the same time I wanted to feed the nerd inside of me. It took forever and a day but a light bulb went off above my head. Seriously though it took forever before that damn light went off. I think, in total, I spent about 8 hours (not all in one shot mind you) just browsing themes and uploading them to my test blog if I happened to come across one I liked but then I couldn't get it to work the way I wanted to.

The light bulb was why not just tweak the one I have?! Duh! Master thought it was a good idea too. So.. I figured I'd just change the color. Instead of blue, it's purple. At first I thought about turning it red. I love the color red. But it just didn't look right. It was either too dark to show properly in the side bar or it was too light and I didn't like it. As a result, I started thinking about what other colors I could use instead.I thought about gray for a short period of time but I figured that would be too blah and dull. Not enough pop.

Of course if I couldn't use my favorite color why not use Master's? Purple. Of course the purple couldn't be too dark other wise it wouldn't really pop in the sidebar with how dark the side bar is. It's a little lighter than I thought it would be. It's more of a violet really. But I actually really like the way it turned out. I checked with Master after I had changed it all to see whether or not He liked it. He did actually. I was worried He would think it was too light.

Yes, I know it's my blog and Master has always said I can make it look any way I want it to. But I don't want my blog to be something He doesn't like. It's just the way my mind works. What would Master like? What does Master think? What would Master want? On and on and on.

I couldn't just stop at making the links purple. Since I had also used the blue color on my twitter account, and my avatar, and my blog counter.. well you get the picture... I now had to change it all to purple. And so I did. It honestly didn't take all that long. Once I got the color code right where I wanted it the rest was easy. It only took me about 15 minutes to find the avatar I wanted to use. (It had to stay in the tiger theme obviously.)

Just out of curiosity, what do you think?

Distraction

I'm trying very, very hard to let the stress go after I get out of work. It seriously feels like they are trying to make me quit. Fuck you.

But I don't really want to write about the bullshit at my job. I want to talk about how I've been keeping myself busy to distract myself. And Master is helping a lot. He is always trying to make me laugh. He has made sure to give me nice long hugs and He just got done giving me a 45 minute long back rub. I'm not kidding. It felt great. We've been watching random things on Netflix and pretty much just relaxing as much as possible.

I am tossing out a lot of job applications. I've received two calls. The problem with both is that they are sales jobs. Guess who sucks at sales? This girl. It was base + commission. I can't rely on commission, especially when I suck at selling things. And of course if you don't meet quota you're fired. Which makes sense. But I know before I even walk in the door that I'm not going to be good at it. So I kindly turned down both interviews. All I can do is to keep plugging away at it.

I've also been listening to music. That always helps distract me. Actually I'm listening to music right now as I write this blog post.

Oh.. and then the nerd in me has been trying very hard to sneak it's way out. I'm a nerd and I know it. But sometimes the coding nerd in me wants to do something. I don't really have any projects. I don't build websites. So I have this. Yes, this blog.

I know that I've said it over and over again that I'm going to change the theme/template here. And I totally plan on doing so. I created a test blog though so I can get it just the way I want it before transferring all of the information to my actual blog. That makes more sense to me. After all I don't want to be constantly redoing this one and trying to make it look right while people are actually reading. That would be very confusing.

I've been browsing templates for about a week now. Close to it anyway. I've actually downloaded a few and uploaded them to the test blog. One of them I really, really liked but I couldn't tweak it enough to the point of making it my own. I don't mean a complete overhaul of the coding, just tweaking. And when I did it with that template it just made it ugly. That was scrapped and I continued the hunt. I tried a few other ones but they just didn't look right.

I'm a little spoiled with this one. I've had it just the way I want it for a long time now. But that isn't going to stop me from looking for a new one. I have a hobby, which is code tweaking, and damn it I will find an outlet for it!

Wish me luck.