The worst part of it is that I didn't even think about it when I was doing it. I was all tra-la-la in my head and not remembering the rules. Like I said it will most likely sound stupid to most people, especially when I'm making such a big deal out of it. I'm actually making a bigger deal out of it than Master is.
So what was it? Well, it is cold as fuck today. It has been all day and since I spent so much of the day running around, in and out of the car, I just could not shake the chill off of me. Never mind I was completely bundled up all day. I had jeans, a hoodie, my winter boots, my leather jacket, my leather gloves, and a knit winter hat on. But the cold still clung to me. I could feel it in my joints, that's for damn sure. It's oh so much fun being 30 years old with fibromyalgia. There are days where I feel a hell of a lot older than I actually am.
Anyway, back to the point here. Like i said it felt like I couldn't shake the chill at all. So I wanted to stay comfy. After I got home I stayed fully dressed for a little while because I though I was going to take the dog out as it is my day to do so. But Master knew how tired and sore I was from all the running around and how early I had to get up. He was kind enough to take the mutt out for me this afternoon.
Since I didn't have to go anywhere I took of my jeans but left my hoodie on and immediately started putting on my yoga pants. I acted as if it wasn't a big deal. I didn't even blink I simply did it. Master looked at me and commented about how I didn't even think to ask permission to stay dressed. The rule is when I'm at home I'm either to be naked or, if we had the blinds on the patio door open, I'm allowed to wear a longer t-shirt with nothing else on. Obviously the t-shirt is long enough to wear no one would be able to see anything. It's always one of His shirts so there is no problem there.
But at that moment I didn't stop to ask if I may stay dressed or get comfortable wearing a hoodie and yoga pants. In fact I didn't even realize it until He made that comment. I was immediately upset with myself and I literally hung my head down. He told me that I might as well stay dressed for a while. I still felt bad and He didn't punish me. I think He let it slide with just a not so happy toned comment because as I was putting on my yoga pants I was explaining to Him how I had felt the cold down to my bones all damn day.
There is, however, a huge difference in explaining why I'm putting on clothes and asking permission to put on clothes. If I had asked permission and then explain why, or the other way around, that would be acceptable. I would be asking permission to do something and explaining why I am asking.
I only did the explanation and left the whole asking permission thing out of it. Like I said, I didn't even think while I was doing it. I was just so focused on how cold I felt that I acted without thinking. Never mind it should be second fucking nature to ask permission. After all, it has been a rule forever and a fucking day.
He forgave me though. I was cold and I had gotten up today earlier than I get up on a normal work day because I had some important shit to take care of which started before dawn. He did let me stay comfortable though for a while and I did ask permission to take a nap. He allowed it. I felt a lot better when I woke up.
However, since that mishap I have been very careful about asking permission. I asked permission to keep my socks on once I did slip out of my comfy clothes. My feet stay cold for a long time. He allowed that. And then when I got done taking the dog out and we were able to settle in for the night I again asked to keep my socks on. Again He allowed it.
I feel stupid for that fuck up. It's not a huge fuck up but it's still a fuck up. Master hasn't brought it up since that one comment and I am not supposed to dwell on things. And I'm not. I'm not beating myself up about it but I wanted to post about it.
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