Surprise!

There are certain things that I do that are kind of sneaky. Okay, not kind of. They are totally sneaky. But sometimes it's called for! I have proof!

There aren't many things that I do "behind Master's back" so to speak. I know that makes it sound bad, but it's not. It's always a good thing like a surprise present or something along those lines. This time, it was a present. Now it was kind of for me too but honestly, it was mainly for Him. Yesterday I got my holiday bonus from my job. Honestly, I wasn't sure if we were going to get one this year because the company has claimed that this past year has been a little rough on business. Really? Then why am I constantly busting my ass to try and keep up on my work flow? But that's not the point to this story. The point is that I got one and that it was my half day at work.

Right after I clocked out I sent Master a text to tell Him that I would be running a little late getting home because I had to run a couple of errands. That part was true. There were three things I needed to do before I went home. I held my breath waiting for His response, worried that He would ask me what errands. Sometimes He does that. Thankfully this time He did not ask. I didn't want to lie to Him, so I was glad He didn't ask. He just sent me a text back saying He loves me and to drive safely. It was really icy out so He was a bit worried.

Most of the ice on the main roads were treated with salt so it wasn't that bad. I was still careful though.

Anyway, I dropped off the passenger in my carpool like I do every work day so that doesn't count as an errand. I then stopped at the store to buy soda and a couple of other things. After that I went to the bank to deposit my holiday bonus check. Okay, one more stop. And this is the one I was doing behind His back.

I went to the game store. Ya see, the Xbox 360 we currently had was starting to die on us. The reader had gone completely a few months ago. I think part of that is because we were also using it as a DVD player. But even with that it lasted quite a few years. But since the reader had died I knew other things were going to start breaking on it.

I walked into the game store and immediately went up to the counter. I told them that I needed an Xbox 360 with a 250GB hard drive. That is the largest hard drive they sell. The one on the starting to die Xbox 360 had 175GB. Fuck that, I'm going to top it!

They only had the holiday bundle one. It had the Xbox 360 and two games inside. Tomb Raider and Halo 4. Master doesn't play either of those games. But oh well. The Tomb Raider game was just a little slip of paper with a code on it but the Halo 4 game was actually a physical game. So the dude rings it up and asks me if I want the one year warranty. I asked how much it was and asked for the details on it. It was going to be an extra $30 but it meant that if anything at all went wrong with it, whether it be the system itself, one of the cords.. whatever... all we had to do was bring it back to the store and they would replace it with a brand new one. There was no way I could turn that down. Sure, slap that one year warranty on there. Apparently with the one year warranty you got another game for free. That game was Call of Duty: Ghosts. Another game Master doesn't play but hey it was free.

I'm normally a cheap skate but when I saw the total I didn't even blink. I paid for it and left. This was important. Plus, I had felt so bad when the reader died on the old one because I had literally just bought Him Batman Arkham Origins. (He loves Batman.) So He couldn't even enjoy it anymore.

But back to the story here. I oh so carefully carried the giant bag out to the car. I then opened up the front passenger door of the car. I placed it in the seat and I literally buckled it in with the seat belt. I got a few odd looks from people walking by, let me tell ya. But I didn't want the run the risk of having to brake suddenly or something like that and it sliding all around the car.

When I got home I parked the car and left everything else in the car for the time being. I unbuckled the seat belt and oh so carefully walked it up to the apartment door. I was afraid He was going to be sitting in His recliner and see it right away. But He wasn't. He was sitting the computer chair with His back to me. He said welcome home and all that. I quietly walked over to where He was sitting and put the entire bag in the chair next to Him. (We have two computer chairs side by side at the desk.) He turned His head to look at it, gave me a weird look and raised His eyebrow.

"What is it?"

Of course I was grinning like the cat who ate the canary. "Look in the bag Daddy."

So He does and His eyes got huge. Especially when He saw how big the hard drive is. He kept saying thank you. He was like a giant little kind sitting at the tree on Xmas morning opening presents. The look on His face made me very happy.

Like I said it was partially for me too because we watch Netflix and You Tube on it. But He knew it was mainly for Him. He said, "I'm going to be busy this afternoon!"

Yes, yes He was. He hooked it up to the TV, set it up, and named it. Yes, you can name your system in the console settings. After that was all said and done He installed all of His games to the hard drive so that when He wants to play them all He has to do is have the game in the reader so it can verify He actually owns it but then it stops spinning and just plays it off the hard drive. And now we have a DVD player so that reader should last for a very, very long time since it will barely be used.

He played with it on and off but didn't go hog while on it. He wanted to spend time with me without playing a video game. I was more than ready to just sit reading a book or dicking around online while He played the hell out of His games, but surprisingly that didn't happen.

As for the two physical games that He got for free with the holiday bundle, we will be trading those in to get a game He actually wants. We will hopefully do that today before the weather gets bad since we have a winter storm heading our way starting around 6pm and lasting all day tomorrow.

He told me that I won the wife of the year award. *grins* I'm so happy I could pull this off without Him knowing about it. I don't do it very often, but sometimes I just want to surprise Him.

Husband & Wife

We went to my dad's yesterday just to hang out. I had found out that my dad now has a long distance girlfriend. Okay. Cool. But.... it's someone I know. She was a friend of the family and would come over for cook outs and just to sit around and chill with my mom and dad. (My parents were still married at the time. They didn't get a divorce until I was 17 years old.)

In fact, I went to this woman's wedding when she married another family friend. Her three kids would come over with her and her then husband all the time. I kind of grew up with this woman being around. I don't know why but that makes me feel a little awkward about it. Like.. Dude.. you and my mom were constantly drinking tea/coffee and chatting away. Not to mention the fact that she told my dad that she always had a thing for him. So, you had a crush on my dad and flirted with him while he was married to my mother and you were hanging out with my mom. Anyway, apparently she had moved out of state quite some time ago. Probably shortly before my parents got divorced. She divorced her first husband because he cheated on her. Then she divorced her second husband because he cheated on her.

I guess one of the things that my dad had told her is, "You don't have to worry about that with me."

When he told us that he had said that to her, Master and I just got really, really quiet. He cheated on my mom for close to a year before finally telling her about it and filing for divorce. He then stayed with that woman for 10 years and cheated on her for about three or four months before he broke up with her and she moved out. But.. I wasn't going to comment. If dad feels he is past such things, okay cool. But that is kind of a record there, ya know?

Now, that may sound like I'm being a hypocrite. I, after all, cheated on my ex with Master. I did it for a couple of weeks before breaking it off. Master was also in a relationship at the time and the time frame was pretty much right on the money since we had agreed we were going to pretty much do it around the same time.

So yes, I have cheated in a past relationship. However, doing it in one relationship... okay. You made a bad decision. You could have handled it better. But not only does my dad have a record of it, he allows quite a lengthy period of time to go by before finally breaking it off. Two weeks versus up to a year? Yeah.

I don't really judge my dad. He does what he wants and it's not my place to comment on it as it does not directly effect me. But it was just something I didn't want to comment on so I was quiet for a short period of time before basically smoothly directing the conversation into a different direction.

One thing my dad has said since he divorced my mother 13 years ago was that he would never, ever get married again. Okay. No problem. Whatever makes you happy. But he does sometimes make comments about how people who get married are making a horrible mistake. Never mind he was married to my mother for 25 years. When he does make those comments he always looks over and says, "But not you guys.. you guys are happy and I'm happy for you."

Maybe not those exact words all the time, but close to it. He was happy when I first told him that Master and I were getting married. All he told Master was, "No receipt. No return. No warranty." And then he turned to me and said, "Don't fuck it up."

I do have to say that sometimes I feel that a particular couple should not get married and that one or both of them should run for the fucking hills. But those are the exception to the rule I guess.

I love being married. It is honestly not any different in how our relationship was prior to marriage. It's just the added benefits. Such as the legal aspects. That takes a lot off my mind should anything, gods forbid, happen. Also, being able to call Him my Husband rather than my boyfriend makes me very happy. And being called His wife rather than His girlfriend also makes me very happy. It just.. carries more weight I guess. It doesn't mean that we weren't serious while "just dating". It just means that we decided to make it legal/official.

Decade

Today is our anniversary. We got married on our "regular" anniversary. We have officially been together for 10 years and married for 6 of them.

I had to work today which sucked. It also sucks that tonight I'm rather groggy and tired due to sinus medication.

But the important thing is that it is our anniversary. We aren't really doing anything tonight. But it's part of the reason why I took off of work next Friday, to try and make up for the fact that I had to work today.

It's hard to believe that an entire decade has passed since we first started this path of ours. In a way I sit there and think that there is no way an entire decade has passed. On the other hand it feels like we've known one another a lot longer than that.

We talked about our wedding day on and off through out the day. We both remember it vividly. I also vividly remember the first time I saw Him.

Time has not diminished either of those very important memories.

I have spent 10 years as His girl and about 9 1/2 years as His slave. (We started the dynamic rather quickly after we met but I'm not entirely sure when that was so I kind of round it up.)

I have spent 6 years as His wife. I have had His last name for 6 years. That very thought alone brings a smile to my face.

One thing I know for sure is that we have many, many more years together and I look forward to each and every one of them.

Goofing Around

It's always the small things that make me smile. I had a rather long day at work. I was dragging a bit when I first walked in the door. Master was standing in the living room and said hi. I walked over to Him to get a hug. I love that first hug, first kiss, when I get home.

He started off with the normal hug, my head resting on His chest. Before I knew what was going on He put me in a bear hug and lifted me off the floor. I quickly wrapped my arms around His neck and my legs around His waist. He smiled at me and gave me a kiss. He held me like that for a little bit. I absolutely loved it.

I honestly love our height difference. He's 6ft4 and I'm 5ft1. I love it because of things like that. He can swing me around like a rag doll. He can pick me up with little to no effort at all. It feeds my whole man handling fetish. I greatly enjoy the fact that He can move me around or pin me down and there is nothing I can do about it.

After a little while He set me back down and gave me another big hug before He started making dinner.

We relaxed after dinner and just watched Netflix. He was hyper and I commented on it. He had been making me laugh since I walked in the door. He told me that He had three cups of coffee in a short period of time. Hello sugar rush! He then said He was going to have another cup.

This is rather "un-slave like" moment. I hopped up off the couch and He was goofing around slowly creeping into the kitchen with a funny look on His face. I was "telling" Him no more coffee and He was saying that He couldn't help Himself. The coffee was calling Him!

I ran up behind Him and grabbed His arms and started to pull Him back. He played along because as I said above He can make me move so little ole me trying to hold Him back is hilarious. So He played along for a moment and then grabbed the coffee pot and a coffee cup and starting pouring it. I continued to tell Him to not have another cup and He continued to goof around with me.

I jokingly went to grab the coffee pot and He blocked me with His arm. I gave up after that and walked back to the couch laughing. I could hear Him still laughing in the kitchen.

It was great.

Just because we're in this dynamic doesn't mean we have to be serious all the time. I can joke around with Him in that way without Him getting pissed off because I'm not being submissive at that moment. I'm trying to stop Him from doing something He wants to do. But it's all light hearted and good fun. I'm grateful that we don't always take our dynamic so serious. It is important. It is serious but it doesn't mean we can't throw those roles out the window every now and then and just goof off.

Titles

You know... the whole one true way or one definite description of a "title" has provoked several different reactions from me over the years.

It used to make me think that maybe I'm not actually a slave because there is no way in hell I would do x, y, z or be perfectly fine with Master doing x, y, z. We all have our limits after all, whatever those may be.

That was a long, long time ago. Then it began to piss me off. I know that we're all essentially using the same titles. Master, slave, Sadist, masochist, Owner, property... You get the picture. And yes, when you look in a dictionary and you look at a certain word that pretty much lays out what that word means. That's it. End of story.

But to me everyone's relationship is different. Everyone expects different things or wants different things from their significant other. Bare with me here. A good translation for me is the titles of Husband and wife. They all mean the same thing, at first glance, but that doesn't mean that every marriage is the same or that every Husband does things this way and every wife does things that way. It's all unique and up to the two people involved.

So, why is it any different when you are talking about the titles of Master and slave?

Beating it to death by saying, "No! This is the one and only way!" is absolute bullshit. That would be like someone walking up to me and telling me I'm not a real wife because I'm not like their wife.

My Husband and I define what our "titles" mean. Okay, more so Master than me but you get the point. Do I make Him happy? Is He pleased with me? Does He still attach those titles to me? Yes to all of the above.

So these days, what is my reaction to the one true way conversations? I laugh. Yep. It's not worth the anger or my getting worked up. It's just funny at this point.

All In One

I saw another thread this morning that got me thinking. It was about how you are married but owned and operated by another. Now, before I go into my post please keep in mind that this only pertains to me and my thoughts. I am not judging anyone.

I'm not typically a submissive person. As a female, I do not feel the need or desire to submit just any old male, or female for that matter. If anything I only had an interest in kinky sex before I met Master, not so much the submission side of things. But when Master and I started delving into this He showed me that side of myself. However, that side of me only responds to Him. He is the only one who makes me feel that way. Period. End of story.

And maybe that's why I think the way I do on this topic. I couldn't imagine being married to Master and not have any kink part to it and yet have a Domination/submission relationship with someone else.

To me, the package deal is what I need. I need it all from one person. It's all or nothing with me. But again since Master is the only one who makes me feel that way and I love Him so very much and we're married... so yeah. I did get the package deal.

I can't imagine submitting to someone else. In fact I would probably just laugh if someone tried to make me. I've "submitted" to another person in so far as taking a few orders but that was because Master told me to. It was ultimately Him the one controlling me and the other person was just allowed, by Him, to give me some orders.

Other than that... no way, no how. In fact with most people I'm rather blunt and to the point. I do not have a submissive personality in general. Master is the one that brings that side of me out. It's Him. It's always been Him and always will be.

Collar -vs- Ring

There was a thread that I've been reading, well actually two of them, asking which is more important, your collar or your wedding ring. They also touched on if the dynamic or the fact that you were married is more important to you.

I responded, of course, as did Master.

Basically we both said the same thing. We do not separate the two. We were in this dynamic long before we got married. So I was already His slave when I became His wife.

A lot of people said their dynamic was more important because marriage is "vanilla". I don't know when that had to be vanilla, but okay.

To me there is no need to separate the two. You can have one without the other, obviously, but when you have both with the same person at the same time why does it have to be two different things? Why can't it all be rolled into one?

Master and I naturally interact with Him having final say unless it deals with His health. It's just how we are and really always have been.

I'm not saying that if we decided to drop the dynamic that we would get a divorce, but I would say that if we got divorced we wouldn't have the dynamic obviously because if we got a divorce the entire relationship would be over.

Plus, Master and I refer to our marriage license as ownership papers. I am legally His and yes He is legally mine. Plus, isn't it an ultimate form of ownership if you take on your Master's last name? At least that's how I see it if you're in that kind of dynamic where the Husband is the one who is the dominant one.

I do fully admit though that my wedding ring is more important to me than any possible symbol of His ownership such as a collar or a cuff or anklet. Why? Well, the collar or cuff, etc., only symbolizes one aspect of our relationship. My wedding ring, to me, symbolizes all of it.

Long Relationships

Today at work I heard the other women who sit around me talking, as usual, when they should be working since our department was so slammed. I continued to work but couldn't help but hear what they were discussing.

The newest girl was complaining about how she isn't madly in love with her boyfriend anymore. She was saying how they have been together for 5 years and now there isn't that "rush" anymore. That newly in love feeling. She said that because of that lack of a rush she feels like it's time to leave. Time to find a new man so she can feel it all over again.

Hell of a way to look at it. She was complaining that she feels more like his friend now rather than his girlfriend. While I can understand that the rush is no longer there, is that actually a valid reason for wanting to leave?

Master and I have been together for 8 1/2 years now and while that constant rush is no longer there, I still feel it. I am deeply in love with my Husband and I am glad that we are still friends. We can sit around and talk bullshit like two friends and we can still be the kind, loving, happily married couple. Now throw in our dynamic and there are quite a few things going on all at the same time. I don't know if that helps keep our relationship "fresh" or not. Either way, I'm happy.

I couldn't imagine going back on the dating scene. In fact the thought of it kind of disgusts me. Master has said much the same. I just can't see how just because you've been with someone for "x" amount of time it warrants leaving them so you can get that rush back. She fully admitted that she still loved him and was still in love with him, just that the rush of a new love wasn't there.

As I said I am deeply in love with my Husband. Even though we have been together for so long there are times where that rush still hits me. I find that the longer we are together the happier I am. There is strength in the time we've spent together, which only gets stronger as more time passes. I am more comfortable, I love the fact that He knows me. Not just the me that some people know, but He knows who I really am. He knows my likes, dislikes, my fears, my dark secrets, my fantasies... the list continues.

In my opinion, no new "love" can compare to that.

Love, Love, Love

This past weekend was absolutely wonderful. It's to bad that it had to end.

But even though it was a Monday, and it was gloomy out due to overcast skies, fog, and rain I stayed in a very good mood all day long. Nothing could bring me down.

And it's all due to my Husband.

This weekend we were all over each other, cuddling, molesting one another, and just being goofy. It was wonderful!

I have a picture from our wedding, at work. It is a wallet sized one, that I have taped to the side of my monitor. I was glancing at it all day long, smiling to myself. It is one of my favorite pictures of us. We both look extremely happy (because we were/are). It's our first picture as Husband and wife. I love that picture to pieces!

I always know I'm in love with Master. That feeling is always with me. But today that feeling soared within me.

And I'm giddy because of it. Not to mention silly and horny. *nods* It's an interesting mix to say the least.

Master told me that I've been a very good girl lately. *beams* That's also adding to my feeling of overall happiness.

But I can't really keep a coherent thought pattern right now. My mind is all over the place. I'm not the least bit tired, and it's only about 45 minutes before I'm supposed to go to bed. I have a feeling we'll be staying up a bit late tonight. Hyper and in love. It's great.

We've been together for almost 7 years and I still get this way. Ya know most people tell you that as time goes on, you lose that and you end up more in a "comfortable" love, rather than an "intense" love. For me, it's a mixture of both. I am extremely comfortable around and with my mate, but it is also very, very intense at times.

What We Are Is Influenced By What Is Around Us

Master and I watched a really good movie today called "City of Joy". It's about a doctor who goes to India and while there tries to help out the locals, although a bit unwillingly at first. It's a damn good movie.

As we were watching it there is one married couple in it, natives of India, and it was interesting to see them interact. She did what her husband told her to do, even if it wasn't what her heart wanted. If she argued a point, it was with a lot of respect. It was incredible to watch, even if it was just acting.

Master and I started to discuss this interaction. And I said, "Well it's how they are. It's what they are brought up to do. You listen to your husband. That's that."

And I went on to say, that that is how women here in America used to be. Seriously. I saw how my great grandparents were. The whole woman's lib thing came about though and now... well. That doesn't happen anymore.

And I'm not saying that it should be that way again, but it is a fine example of how what you are is influenced by what is around you.

I grew up seeing the men supposedly wearing the pants in the family, but once things were more relaxed you could see that the wife was really running the show. That is, except for a few cases in my family. That would be my great grandparents and one of my aunts and her husband.

But in certain cultures it is expected of you to do what your husband tells you. And while some of us submissive type people like to wish we were that way, there are parts of it I know for a fact that I wouldn't be able to tolerate.

"Oh, you want another wife? Rock on .."

No.

"You're fucking around on me? That's cool. I'll just be over here when you want to pay attention to me."

No again.

"Thank you for beating my ass because you were drunk and were sick of kicking the dog."

Nope.

"You're going to cut off my clitoris so I won't feel compelled to cheat on you and then you're going to make me have my face covered all the time? Awesome! Oh.. I can't leave the house without you? Cool! Being a hermit rocks!"

Yeah... no again. I'm not saying, that that is how all marriages work in those particular cultures. But still... it's part of the reality.

And reality sucks.

You know how you watch those pornos, or see those romantic movies, or bondage related movies and you swoon and then you realize, "Wait a damn minute here. That isn't how real life is. Whiskey Tango Foxtrot mother fucker!" And then you feel ripped off. Yeah, that sucks.

But what Master and I do have a balance to our relationship that works for us. Yes, sometimes I know I am not as docile as I should be. And sometimes I wish Master would be a little more Dominant. *shrugs* These things happen.

But I would like to take a page from that beautiful bond of just doing as your husband tells you. Now I'm not saying I would always agree with Him. That's never going to happen. You can't agree with someone all of the time, on every single subject. But taking a simple concept such as this, and applying it to real life are two entirely different things. And I know this.

Perhaps it will please Master if I stop worrying so damn much and just do as I'm told. Am I going to try and debate some things? Probably. Does it mean I'm going to get my way? Nope.

I've been trying to be a good slave and a good wife. I need to try harder.

He hasn't said anything as far as I'm going to be punished or anything along those lines.. but I feel this starting to slip and so I shall take steps to try and prevent it from slipping further. Hey, it's worth a shot right?