Bed -vs- Couch

 Lately I have been having a really hard time sleeping. And the fucked up thing is it's not always just one part of the whole sleeping process. Sometimes I have a really hard time falling asleep, other times I'll pass out right away and wake up on and off all night. Then there are the times where both happen. There have been several times this past month where I have basically just given up and came out to the living room to sleep on the couch simply so I don't keep tossing and turning and keeping Master up. A couple of those times it was because I couldn't breathe through my nose and needed my head to be propped up more. It really sucks regardless of the reason though.

When most people hear that one of the spouses are sleeping on the couch instead of in bed next to their loved one the immediate thought is that there is trouble in paradise. But that is not the case here. Not at all.

And I know that Master isn't really pleased with my sleeping on the couch. He knows it's not because of anything within our relationship. It's just stress, restlessness, pain, and/or allergies. And it all seems to be coming one after another after another.

I'm not making excuses to sleep on the couch, trust me. We both love sleeping next to one another and we always sleep better when the other one is in bed next to us. Hell, there have been times in the past where Master was going to be up really late and so rather than go to bed alone I asked if I could sleep on the couch until He went to bed. He didn't always allow it but I only wanted it because He wasn't going to be in bed with me.

But here it is almost 4am and I'm still awake. Master went off to bed not that long ago. I just didn't want a repeat of last night. Last night I went to bed when Master did, which was about 3am. But I didn't fall asleep until 5:30am. I just couldn't get comfortable. I would try to lay still in one position and attempt to force myself to sleep but it wouldn't work. So I started tossing and turning for that entire time. I was worried about keeping Master up and almost considered sleeping on the couch so I wouldn't wake Him. But my mind turned to His disappointment the last time and so I stayed in bed. I only got about four hours of sleep and even that was broken. I had a really long day today and so I ended up taking about an hour nap on the couch this evening. I don't know if that has to do anything with my not being tired right now. But I really needed that nap. I had taken my bath right before hand and had soaked for a while. I actually felt like I was going to nod off right there in the tub, so I thought napping on the couch would be better. Less of a risk of drowning and all that.

Master has been incredibly understanding. My brain has been mush most of the month. There are just a lot of things going on and nothing to really do about any of it. When I'm stressed out my body gets wired to the point of it driving me nuts and then the next thing I know I'm crashing and nod off. Or stress will make me feel tired all damn day but then when it comes time for me to actually sleep I'm suddenly wide awake. Thank you very much body. It also doesn't help that my fibromyalgia kicks into high gear when I'm stressed which can also make it difficult to sleep sometimes. It also doesn't help that my period started today and the first day or two are always the worst which isn't exactly helping. Mood wise I think I'm fine, but it is not doing my lower back any favors.

I'm just.. tired of being tired I guess. I want at least one night where I go to bed when Master does and I fall asleep easily and stay asleep all night. I think I'm pushing my luck on that hope though. I don't want to sleep on the couch because of this. I want to sleep a full normal night next to my Husband in our bed.

I told Master that I might go soak in the tub again tonight before I come to bed. Maybe the hot water will make me sleepy and I'll be able to pass out quickly once I climb into bed next to Him. I haven't made up my mind on that yet though.