Breaking News

So... today has been an eventful day. Master's nephew was born today. He is healthy and the mother is as well. We know his name now. Apparently they knew what his name was going to be for about a month now but they didn't want to tell anyone until after he was born. Why?

Not sure. They said we should come down to see them soon so we can see them and meet the new little one. I'm sure we'll figure something out.

Then there was some other news today. Not so great news at that. I actually just got off the phone with my mother. She had some blood work done a couple of days ago and we had been waiting on the results. Well, she got the results back today.

Apparently something in her body is not producing enough protein. They didn't really tell her much on that. They basically told her they weren't sure what and that she would have to come in for more blood work. The other results were that she has rheumatoid arthritis. I honestly do not know much about it. I know it's not good and that it is very painful. I'm almost a little afraid to look into it on the internet. You know how people tell you to never look on WebMD when you're sick because you will convince yourself that you're dying?

That's kind of why I'm afraid to look into the rheumatoid arthritis. The doctor did tell her that her fibromyalgia probably increased her risk for RA. And guess who else has fibromyalgia? That's right. This girl. Lucky me.

So my mom had called not only to tell me the results but also to let me know that I may, at some point, be at risk for it as well. Apparently it is more likely to affect women. So that also increases my chances.

I told Master and I've put that thought on the back burner. I'll keep it in mind basically. But I'm more worried about my mom. She is going to see a RA specialist and is going in for more blood work. So now it's just a waiting game yet and still.

Yep...

Well, today I'm back to the whole "I have no idea what the fuck to blog about because right now my life seems like nothing but going to work and then coming home and sitting on the couch unless I absolutely have to move."

And I'm honestly not complaining about that. I mean, it sucks putting in this overtime but aside from that, it's what I have to do right now. Oh well. As a result of that though I'm glad that Master is being lenient with me with basically everything aside from my bedtime. And even then He's been allowing me to stay up until 11:30pm. He has been letting me just chill on the couch, watch TV and be goofy with Him by doing light banter back and forth. He has also been allowing me to play mini games on my phone while we do it. I normally don't do that though.

But since there isn't a lot going on Master doesn't find it annoying that I'm playing games on my phone. Plus, He's been playing His video games while we talk so I'll whip out my phone and start playing games on there.  I think it's nice that we can do that and no one gets annoyed or offended by it. We can just sit there all relaxed and nerding out but still talk.

My damn sister-in-law got me started on Candy Crush. She did it on purpose. It's a fun game though! I really do like it. And Master even helped me out on one of the levels because I was stuck as hell and getting frustrated with it.

Speaking of my sister-in-law (...Is that the right term? She is my brother-in-law's wife...) is having their third child tomorrow. She isn't technically due until a few weeks from now. However, she was scheduled for a c-section on Monday. Well apparently the doctor thinks she might go into labor before then so he bumped the c-section up to tomorrow. They aren't telling anyone the baby's name until after he is born.

What The Fuck Brain?

Master brought something up yesterday that I thought rather odd. When He started off the conversation I thought I was in trouble. But nope. Thankfully. I wasn't panicking over possibly being in trouble because I had done something wrong. It was more a shocked, "What...?" I think I got that feeling because of the look on His face. Apparently, it wasn't His stern face I was seeing. He was confused about something.

Hm. Okay. Well we have two almost completely different sleep schedules during the work week. I normally have to go to bed between 11pm and 11:30pm. Sometimes He'll be nice and let me stay up until midnight. He, on the other hand, normally comes to bed between 2:30am and 3:30am. So it's literally only a few hours before my alarm goes off.

Anyway, apparently when He has been coming to bed to slip under the covers and cuddle up to me I start whimpering. I make these little scared noises I guess. No talking. Just whimpering. And I move across the bed until I'm basically up against the wall.

My side of the bed is pushed up against the wall. There is really no other way to fit our bed in the bedroom without it being right in front of the closet or near a heat register.

He'll whisper to me and tell me it's Him and that it's okay. After that He said either I relax and back into Him so my back is against His chest. Other times I'll stay right where I am and eventually stop whimpering.

I have absolutely no memory of any of this. I mean I must be in a damn deep sleep. That's part of what is confusing me. I'll wake up when I "sense" that the bathroom light is on or if the power goes out and the fan turns off.

But I don't wake up when all that is going on?

So, He asked me if I knew why that was happening. I admitted that I had no fucking idea. Especially since when I go to bed I wish He were right next to me. It's easier for me to sleep when He's next to me. So me doing all that makes no sense what so ever. I don't remember having any nightmares except for that one night a while back. And I didn't even remember what the hell the nightmare was about.

So... what the fuck brain?

Ramblings

I had a really, really difficult time falling asleep last night. I think I finally passed out a little after 1am. My alarm went off at 5:15am. At least I got some sleep.

The weather was rather fucked up on my way to work. I took the dog out and it was pouring. I step out about 15 minutes later to head off to work and there was no rain what so ever. Weird. Then on the way to work it would be fine and then out of nowhere the rain would pour down so hard that I couldn't see a damn thing more than a few feet in front of me. I'm really glad I know how to fucking drive and also glad that other people were smart enough to have their headlights on.

I put in a 10 hour day, excluding my short as hell lunch break. The time dragged for most of it but I did get quite a bit done. It does look like I'll be having to do that the rest of this week though. So, I'll be sending a text to the passenger in my carpool to let him know that unless he wants to get to work before 6:30am on Thursday and Friday, then he might want to find another ride. I'm glad it's a four day work week.

Since I got out of work I feel like the bags under my eyes are huge. I know I look exhausted, but oddly enough I'm not. In fact I'm fully awake right now. I'm moving slow and spaced the hell out but I'm awake. Master was already kind enough to work on my back after dinner, so that is feeling better already. But I'm still moving slow. Like I said I'm spaced out and as a result I feel like I'm moving in slow motion.

On the way home from work I heard a song on the radio that just stuck in my fucking head. It's another In This Moment song. I don't really like the band itself. Honestly. But I did love their song "Blood".

But this one is odd. (Yes, Master I know that "Blood" was odd as hell to You. It is to me too, but this one is even more out there.)

When it first started playing on the radio I was sitting there going, "What the fuck....?"

But then it got to the chorus and that is what is stuck in my head. I hate it when you only really love part of the song. But oh well. I've already played it three times while I've been posting it. What's it called? It's called "Whore".

The chorus is just running through my head over and over again. Which, I'm sure you've already assumed, is why I've played it three fucking times. The bad thing is that it seems to just be cementing it even more. So now apparently I like two of their songs. Hm.

Well, it's no different than Korn. Master hates that band. A lot. I don't really care for them either but I like a handful of their songs.

Told you I would ramble.

It's Over Already?

Well, it's back to work tomorrow. It's only a four day work week but it's still going to be a long one as I need to put in enough overtime to get caught up, according to my supervisor. Well, getting caught up sounds great.. until you realize that you are caught up and then look ahead to the next day only to realize that you'll be behind again because there is simply too much to do that day.

So, I'll do my very best. I'm not going to live at the office for fucks sake. Normally, I'd be freaking out about it. Why? Because that's just how I am. I get all tensed up over shit I cannot control. It stresses me the fuck out. But I'm not doing that. Not today.

The four day weekend was nice. Most of it anyway. On Friday it felt great because I thought to myself that these four days would drag slowly along. And Friday did. It really did.

Saturday hits and that goes all sorts of fucked up and as a result the day feels at least a little wasted. I mean, I'm still glad we went down to see my family. But on the same token it felt almost ruined because of all the bullshit that happened.

Yesterday was was okay even though it felt like we were just waiting most of the day for my dad to call. We had skipped going to his place on Saturday so he had said we could come down yesterday. As a result, I told him to call so we could head down. So, Master and I didn't really want to start a movie or try and really do anything else because we figured that the moment we did we'd have to drop it to go see my dad. We had fun while we were down there though and the night was a really good time.

Today. Well, I slept in later than I wanted to. The day seems to be flying by. In addition to it flying by I ended up passing out on the couch for an hour and a half. I didn't even feel tired, so I don't know why that happened. That will also make it harder for me to go to sleep when I need to. Hopefully Master won't make me go to bed right on time.

It didn't really help that I had been really hoping that we'd be able to sit outside or take the dog for a walk at least once on this four day weekend of mine, but the weather decided that wasn't going to happen. I don't know why, but I feel a little disappointed with this mini break. Don't get me wrong, I had fun and we fucked and as usual the sex was amazing. I really, really enjoyed the extra time with Master.

But there is still this small level of disappointment. It's like nothing went the way it was really supposed to and Master and I spent most of it just trying to figure out something to do because there really wasn't anything to do.There was a lot of, "So.. what do you want to do?" .... "I don't know. What do you want to do?"

Oh well. At least I got to see some members of my family and Master and I got to spend a lot of extra time together.

A Little Sad

We went down to see my dad today. And it was a good time, but it also made me a bit sad. At first, it was fun because he finally got to show us his new hearse. It is beautiful.  I sat down in the front seat after he had shown us the back of the car. I love it.

The rest of the visit went great. But, then there was the thing that made me kind of sad. Well, he has been "dating" that woman I mentioned a while back. The one that was a family friend years ago. They haven't seen each other in a very long time but they have been talking to each other over the phone a lot apparently and have agreed that they are, in fact, in a relationship. She is coming up to visit soon. Within the next couple of months I guess.

That doesn't make me sad though. What makes me sad is that apparently it's getting so serious that they have already decided that unless she wants to move up here, which it doesn't sound like she does, then he'll be moving six hours away to go live with her. The only thing that will prevent this is if they break up between now and then. Which honestly, I don't see happening. He's almost 52 years old and I think he is just ready to settle down and stay settled. And he knows this woman very well and he said they had a connection back when I was a kid but they didn't act on it because they were both married at the time.

I know, a lot of people move away and six hours isn't that much. And I understand this. I really do. And yes, I want my father to be happy. Of course I do. Just as I want my mother to be happy.

It was one thing when I moved 45 minutes away. It's still easy to just go down and visit or for him to come up here to see us. But six hours? That's not exactly a, "Hey there isn't much going on and we have the time... why not just pop on over and see my dad for a while?"

Or him calling me and asking if he can come up, out of nowhere.

I'm so used to just being able to go visit. Just like I am with my mom and my brother.

I'm being selfish and unreasonable and I know this. I also do not give a damn.

If/When it comes to pass I'll be emotional. But I'm not going to be mad at him or anything like that. My dad and I are very close... so I guess that is what is making me sad. He is my dad and my friend and I don't want him to move away. I think another factor is that I know I can't really afford to go and see him when he'll be six hours away and I also know he won't really be able to afford to come up to see us either. A 45 minute drive is one thing. Six hours? Yeah. That's a big difference.

Who knows. Maybe it won't come to pass and I'm a little sad over absolutely nothing. It's been known to happen. Or maybe it will and this is my preemptive strike so that I don't get so upset when it does. As Master would say, "There is no use worrying about it now babe."

And He is right. I know He is right. But still.

Plan? What Plan?

Today did not go as planned. It didn't go as planned one little bit. We had plans to go down for my nephew's birthday and then go visit my dad. Well, my brother lives above our mom's right now. So we went down and sat inside her living room. The birthday party was going to be there since his portion of the house is not that big and it wasn't warm enough outside to have it outside.

When Master and I got there I saw my brother's car but I didn't see him. My nephews ran downstairs and came to say hi. I gave my youngest nephew his birthday present. Apparently my brother was upstairs. Well, what the fuck? The part was supposed to start at 12:30pm and it was now almost 1pm. My nephews both ran back upstairs.

Next thing I know they run back down the stairs to say that they are going to Burger King. Um.... what?

So I go upstairs and his snobby ass bitch of a girlfriend is up there and so is her sister. As usual, I get the dirty looks they always toss my way. I ignore it and ask what my brother what is going on. "Oh, well my girlfriend thought it would be a better idea to go to Burger King for the birthday party."

Well, how nice for her. Nice last minute change after we show up. Needless to say it did not go over well. Burger King is literally right across the street, but I was already pissed off. I'll get into why in a moment. And since they decided to have it in the play room it was loud as fuck. As I said I was already ticked. And my nephews were running around in the maze thing. So I didn't even get to interact with them. My brother pretty much just sat there with his girlfriend and didn't say much. I think I stayed a whopping 15 minutes.

Oh yes, I know. I'm a horrible aunt. But seriously? I was getting a migraine, it wasn't even a party and I didn't get to see my nephews and I didn't want to just sit there and stare at my brother and his girlfriend. So I called my nephews down and said goodbye. I told my brother that the birthday boy's present was on Mom's kitchen counter and that he had already opened it.

Okay, so now to delve more into why I was pissed off. First, you tell people where the party is going to be and they are already there. You aren't even downstairs yet and are hiding up in your apartment. Then, you send my nephews down to tell us all that the party is moving over to Burger King. That was quite a shock to everyone, including my mother.

You see, my mother had already bought a cake, cupcakes and some other birthday stuff. She had cleaned her house top to bottom people she knew that a group of people were coming over. She had made sure that everything was set up had already ordered pizza to be sent. She did everything according to plan. This is what my brother had said he wanted.

But.. instead.. his girlfriend brings a cake and "hints" that the party would be better at Burger King. And he goes along with it. I had told him before he left to go over there that he needs to talk to Mom. I mean after all, she had bought a cake and other goodies and had ordered pizza. His response? Well, I'm sure someone will eat your cake and we can just eat the pizza later."

How fucking rude is that?

And then we ended up not going to my dad's afterward because he had said he wasn't up to it today. I understood, completely. I honestly did. But it was just another thing that was like, "Um.. okay? Guess that plan is out the window too."

Green Eyed Monster

I don't want much. I'm quite honestly not a very materialistic person. But sometimes the green eyed monster sneaks up on me. I don't know why I let it bother me, but it does. And it's not so much the fact that I want what they have, it's more a feeling of things being unfair and not understanding why it bothers me. And when I don't understand something like that it tends to annoy me.

A good example is BC and his wife. Don't get me wrong, BC is my friend. Hell, he's been Master's friend since high school. But sometimes, his wife pisses me off. I don't so much get the green eyed monster because of what they are doing or what they have, it's the fact that how they are doing it pisses me off.

They are both older than me. His wife is 39. BC is about 37 or so. I think he's 37. He's either 37 or 36. Either fucking way, that's not really the point.

The point is that they are married, and live with his parents. Now, normally that would be a sweet thing. Like they live with his parents to take care of them or something. But that isn't the case. No. Not even close. BC has only lived on his own twice. Once when he was out of state for college. The second time was when he and his now wife moved in together. And prior to them moving in together he was living with his parents and she was living with her aunt.

They had a very expensive wedding while living with his parents. Why are they living there? Well, because apparently they think they can't afford to live on their own. They don't pay rent and only part of the utilities. Oh, I can only imagine the things I could do or buy if I didn't have to pay rent or only pay a portion of utilities.

Okay, I'm rambling I know. I'll cut to the chase. All of the above is true and his wife is constantly posting about how they are going out of town, or they just bought a new car, or he bought her expensive shoes or a new piece of jewelry.

Like I said, I'm not materialistic person. But I can't say that I don't wish we could afford to do more things or get more things that we both want. But we can't afford to. Ya know, we have bills to pay and other responsibilities that need to be taken care of. We get by. We're not poor or anything. But we can't afford things like going out of town all the time, or buying each other expensive presents.

If other people can afford it, that's fine. Good for you. I'm not jealous of stuff like that. It's when that's all people do with their money and skate by on everything else that it pisses me off. Hence the green eyed monster. What triggered this? His wife, yet again, posted about how they are going out of town all weekend.

Must be nice not to have to pay rent or a mortgage. It must be nice to just earn money and do whatever the hell you want with it aside from a couple of small bills and a car payment.

*sigh* I feel better now. I just needed to vent that I guess.

Pulling A Prank

Today was a very rough day. Very, very rough. I won't go into all the tiny details but I started off tired. Then something at work seriously pissed me off. I hid in the bathroom to send a quick e-mail to Master from my cell phone just to vent about said thing that pissed me off. I felt better immediately there after. Once I had calmed down I actually got into a pretty good mood as the work day went by.

That is kind of weird. But I think it's because the closer it got to the time I got to clock out, the more I thought about the fact that I have four days off! As a result my mood got a lot better. I'm probably going to end up basically living at work starting on Tuesday because I absolutely have to get caught up, but I'm not focusing on that right now. I'm focusing on the fact that for four days I get to be at home and relax. Well, minus a family thing that is going on this Saturday.

Four days off spending a lot of time with Master. I'm a very happy girl right now.

When I got home from work Master and I were trying to figure out what we wanted for dinner. We need to do grocery shopping and nothing in the house sounded good. We hemmed and hawed about it and finally said fuck it, we'll get McDonald's.

Since I was still dressed and had my shoes on I made the run down there. But before I did Master and I were joking around a little bit. He was being extremely goofy so I told Him that I was leaving the dog in charge. *laughs*

He asked me why and I said, "Because apparently You're five years old right now."

His response was to be even more goofy. Since I was heading out to McDonald's I told Him I was going to get Him a happy meal. He started to respond with something probably along the lines of, "Don't you dare.." but I don't know for sure because I had already shut the door while laughing.

The drive thru line was longer than I expected so I had time to think. As I was thinking the thought popped into my head that you can actually buy a happy meal toy without the happy meal. Yep, time to pull a prank on Master.

So I got our usual meals and also ordered a toy without the happy meal. They handed me the bag of food and the toy. Why they didn't just put the toy in the bag I have no idea. When I got home and parked the car I quickly stuffed the toy in the McDonald's bag so He wouldn't see it.

Whenever we get McDonald's I put the bag on the counter, pull my food out, and then hand Him the bag with His food in it. As a result He didn't see the toy until after He opened the bag and stuck His hand in to grab a cheeseburger. He pulled the toy out and looked at me with a "Really?" type look on His face. He did laugh though.

And after we were done eating He actually opened the toy bag and put the toy together. It's a glider type toy so He threw it a couple of times before setting it down. It's currently sitting on the side table. I thought He would just throw it away, but figured it was worth the tiny bit of money they charge for the toy just to pull a prank on Him. But, He is actually keeping it. At least for now.

I'm really glad I can do stupid shit like that for a laugh and not get in trouble for it. He has a great sense of humor, thankfully.

Bad Slave

I feel like a bad slave lately. I really do. I've been so tired from work and just wanting to be as lazy as possible. I'm not just tired from work, I am also sore as hell from work. Master has been kind enough to work on my back many times through out the weeks, which I greatly appreciated. But as the work day goes by, I'm in more pain again by the time I get home.

So, on the work days I'm sore and tired and probably grumpy. I say probably grumpy because I don't mean to be and I actually try really hard not to be. But I know it most likely creeps out every now and then. Just because work is kicking my tail up one side and down the other doesn't give me any right or cause to come home and be a bitch. And grumpy is only a few steps away from becoming bitchy.

Add to the fact that my sex drive, during the work week, has dropped. It's not gone. It's just not at it's normal, some what high, levels. Thankfully, it picks back up on the weekend.

I have been very affectionate though, so hopefully that makes up for at least part of it.

Another reason why I feel like a bad slave is because, lets face it, my blog posts fucking suck lately. It's all work this and stress that. Ugh. I don't really like even writing them but I am not about to ask Master for permission to skip posting for weeks at a time. There is no way in hell He would grant that.

Plus, it does help me vent. So even though I don't particularly enjoy writing them they do help in a way.

And I know that I don't have to post about work. But seriously, not a lot is on my mind aside from work and finding a new job.

Unfortunately, it doesn't look like this hell is going to end anytime soon. I asked my supervisor if I could do overtime next week. I figured it's a good thing to ask now so I don't have to worry about it on Tuesday. He simply responded with, "Approved." I replied and asked how many hours I could have. He didn't give any hours limit. Instead he told me to do as much as it took to get caught up.

*wide eyed*

Well, Tuesday and Wednesday I don't have the passenger in my carpool since he will be out of town. Monday the office is closed, so I don't have to worry about that. As a result, on Tuesday and Wednesday I'll be doing a fuck ton of overtime. Hell, if I'm not caught up after that I'll simply tell the passenger in my carpool that I'll be doing it again on Thursday and Friday and if he doesn't want to ride with me those days, oh well. I'll only be losing $8 from what he would be giving me. So I'm not going to bend over backwards for $8. At that point I'll eat the $8. I really, really don't want to work on a weekend if I can avoid it. I'd rather work myself to the bone during the week. It saves on gas and it also means I'll have my entire weekend.

I'll be happy when things at work even out or I find a new job. Then I can go back to being the good slave I usually am. It's not like Master is mad at me or makes me feel bad about it. He doesn't do that at all. He is very supportive and has pampered me a bit because of it. But I know He'll be just as happy as I am when things even out.

Taking It Lightly

I actually used to be on social security for my fibromyalgia and migraines. It was before I was 18. My parents couldn't afford all the medical bills as it seemed everyone and their mom wanted to send me to yet another specialist. Some of it was because they couldn't figure out what was causing the migraines. The other was trying to find different ways to manage my pain levels.

I was taken off of social security when I was 19. I had gone up for review and I no longer wanted to go to doctors and specialists when they weren't helping. Also, they had decided that I was able to work, so since I was an adult I was kicked off.

Obviously, I can work, so it's not like I'm complaining. It's just really frustrating when I tell people I have fibromyalgia and am in a lot of pain and they act like it's not that big of a deal. I know I don't show pain easily. I also know that I can do everything everyone else does. Duh. But it hurts. I'm in constant pain. It just ebbs and flows. There are days where it isn't as bad and since I've been this way for so long I'm just used to it. Then there are days where I can barely stand it. And again there are other days where I can't stand it or my neck decides to get stuck. Or maybe I can't wash my hair that day because it hurts too badly to raise my arms that high. (Thankfully Master washes my hair on those days.)

So when people make light of my pain I tend to tell them, that yes, I actually used to get government aid because of it. Trust me, they don't give you that for nothing.

I have insurance now and have had it for a few years now, but I still haven't sought out a specialist. All they are going to do is pump me full of pills. Or maybe they'll try acupuncture again. Perhaps traction again... Or, they could do my personal favorite, which is shove giant needles into my shoulders with medication in them to see if that helps. Oh it helps, for two hours. I can't tell you how many times they did that to me. I've lost count. And I'm not being dramatic when I say huge needles. They were so long that I remember crying the first time I saw it because I thought it was going to scrape against my shoulder blade. Oh those lovely things called trigger point injections. Fuck you doctors.

I know part of the reason why some people take this lightly is because I don't show it. Call it pride. Call it being used to it. Call it being stubborn. But most people on a normal or only slightly bad day can't even tell. They wouldn't think it at all. And I can understand why. It doesn't show up in my face or my movements. It's not until a bad day hits that it's obvious. And I don't really change how I move or what I do.

It's not absolutely horrible today but holy fucking hell am I in pain today. I know it's showing in my movements today, and in how I'm sitting or standing. On and off through out the day my back and shoulder muscles have been twitching and locking momentarily. It's so much fun while having to sit in front of a computer or while carrying stacks of files.

Sorry, I just needed to rant about that simply because I'm in pain and something made me think of people in the past who acted like it was no big deal.

Not So Social

Tonight after I got home from work and we had finished eating dinner Master suggested that we go sit out on our porch for a while. We have the air on, I won't lie. But it just gets so damn hot in the apartment living room due to that huge glass patio door we have. Outside it was still rather hot, but it was almost 6pm by that time so it wasn't as bad.

We originally sat down on our own porch and it wasn't more than two minutes after we sat down that one of our neighbors saw us and told us to come sit by them. These are some of the neighbors that we sat with most of last summer. I was half and half on my mood on that one. It was nice because we were outside and I hadn't spoken to them all winter as Master and I tend to pretty much keep to ourselves in the winter months. On the other hand I was sore and a bit cranky from the work day so my mood wasn't 100% social.

But we sat with them for about a half hour I'd say. We went in when Master saw me resting my head on my hand more and more. I was starting to wind down. And as a result, I was becoming less social. I wasn't being a bitch or anything, I just wasn't talking as much.

So we came inside and since then I've pretty much sat on the couch watching TV with Master. It's really muggy out right now, so we're keeping the air on low right now.

I feel more wiped out than I originally thought. I hate this feeling. Hate it. Mainly because when I get like this I end up feeling kind of shaky. And of course I'm hypoglycemic, so I can never really be sure if I'm shaking simply because I'm worn out or because I need to eat something.

My Weekend

This weekend was absolutely wonderful. I have been relaxed all weekend long. *happy sigh* Like I had said, I was going to go into work yesterday but had decided against it. And apparently it was a good thing I did. From what I heard, cars were sitting in traffic so long that they overheated to the point that they had to be towed out. Holy hell. Four hours worth of bumper to bumper traffic both ways. Yeah, I'm glad I didn't go.

So I got to sleep in. In fact, the dog didn't wake me up until 9am, which is really late for him. I stayed up after I took him out. Master got up around 11am. We relaxed in the living room for a little while before He was about to got take His shower. He stood in front of me, naked, to give me a half hug like He normally does before He goes to take a shower on the weekend.

I was sitting on the couch and like usually He got up, stood in front of me with His thigh to me. I rested my head on His thigh and He wrapped His arm around me. I held on a little longer than usual as I had wrapped my arms around His leg. He chuckled and told me to let go. Instead I let go of His leg and started stroking His cock. He chuckled again and told me to either let go so He could go take His shower or to get my tail to the bedroom so we could fuck. Guess which one I chose?

Yeah. No brainer there.

It was a quickie, but I love those. Sometimes that wham, bam, thank you ma'am is hotter than fucking for an hour and a half, ya know? After that He took His shower and I ran down to the gas station.

We had about another hour to kill before we headed down to His brother's. It was our first time going to a family member's house on His dad's side of the family. It's been a slow build up over the past 2 ½ years.

We got there about a half hour early, but they didn't seem to mind. A lot happened so I won't go into every detail but it was a lot of fun and it was so relaxed. There was no tension. We felt at home immediately. And they seemed to be totally comfortable with us there. Master had a beer with His brother while I spent time with His brother's wife. We all played outside with His niece and nephew and His two younger sisters. We sat around and talked with His dad, His eldest sister and all of the other adults. It was great!

We stayed a lot later than I thought we would. We got there around 2:30pm and didn't leave until almost 7:30pm. And I think we would have stayed later had it been up to Master and His brother, but the kids needed to be put to bed and my brother-in-law's wife is 36 weeks pregnant so she was more than wore out. So I gently suggested that we head home.

I had a lot of fun. And I know that Master did too.

Today has been spent doing nothing. I left the apartment once. Other than that we've just lazed about the living room. I've been kind of frisky today though. We fucked earlier today and I have been coping feels here and there and He's done the same.

It's a little sad that it's almost 8pm already. I don't want this weekend to end.

If It's Not One Thing...

If it's not one thing it's another. Today was a great example of that. The drive to work was stressful since for whatever fucked up reason the interstate was backed up beyond belief. I was still able to get to work a half hour early. Don't ask me how because I honestly have no fucking idea. So okay, not a great start but whatever. Traffic sucks sometimes.

But the stress continued. My work computer has been acting up randomly for a while now. I was able to work around it as it wasn't "the usual". But today it got progressively worse. I had enough. So I contacted our IT department and they came over to look at it. Apparently, it needed more memory. And while they were at it, they decided that it would be best to just upgrade my computer to the new operating system that they were just started to change people over to. Only a handful of people in the office have it right now. But I was so happy that they were going to do that.

The only problem was that this was going to take 45 minutes to a hour. Okay.. that sucks. But I could do smaller stuff that I hadn't been able to get to in about three weeks. Such as filing and all that stuff. That didn't last as long as I thought it would. Before I knew it I was trying to find things to do. So I restocked paper, grabbed blank files to stock in our copy room, stuff like that.

But once all that was done I went to check in with how it was going with my computer. It still wasn't done. All told it took closer to two hours. Now, granted I was getting paid for those two hours but I couldn't do what I really needed to be doing.

The good news is that once it was all said and done with I was very happy. The computer is a lot better, and I much prefer the new operating system.

The rest of the work day went off without a hitch. Then it came time to go home. Yeah, that wasn't as easy as it sounds. The road was blocked off by cops. There didn't seem to be a reason for it. There was no accident and the traffic lights were working fine. It just seemed to be that intersection that was blocked. And of course that was the only road that led to the interstate, which is really the only way I know home. So I did some creative driving and found my way into a parking lot that had an exit out onto the street I needed to take to get to the interstate. I get maybe half way there and guess what? More fucking cops blocking the intersection. What the fuck?!

Like I said, I don't know another way home but apparently I was going to half to figure out a different way fast. I don't have a GPS, so I was kind of left to my own wits and creativity. I made a quick call to Master to let Him know what was going on and that I would be running pretty late. I didn't want Him freaking out and thinking I had gotten into an accident.

So I pick a major road and head East. I figured as long as I continued to go East eventually I would find a cross street that I recognized. And I was right! It took a while, but I found one and then headed South. Once we started passing signs pointing to on ramps for the interstate the passenger in my carpool suggested we try getting on the interstate. I shook my head no and explained that we would be stuck in traffic as it was now the middle of rush hour.

He didn't seem to happy about it as he apparently thought that we would get home sooner if we went on the interstate. Too bad. I'm the one driving. And I was right, as soon as we could see traffic on the interstate it was bumper to bumper.

It took a lot longer to get home, but we got there simply by me just to keep going in one direction until I found a street that I know. I finally dropped him off about 40 minutes late. I understand why he was agitated. I was too. It's fucking Friday, everyone wants to get home as soon as possible.

After I dropped him off I hit the gas station and finally came home. I must have looked pretty pissed off when I walked in because Master looked at me kind of funny and asked why I was looking at Him like I wanted to kill Him. *laughs*

I have since just been trying to decompress. I was going to go into work tomorrow for a few hours but then I heard that they are shutting off a huge section of interstate starting tonight until late Sunday morning. And guess what stretch it is? It's all of the on ramps that are within 30 minutes of our home. And that's both ways. So I would have to deal with it both on the way out there and on the way back. Plus tonight just frustrated the fuck out of me.

Big Heart

I have a big heart when it comes to animals. I feel bad every time I see one without a home. This is why we adopt our animals. I prefer to save one basically. Yes, dogs born from breeders need homes too. But there are a lot of people who want pure bred dogs and are willing to pay for it. Not everyone wants a mutt. Me? I love mutts. As does Master.

This is why I cannot go into an animal shelter unless I'm there looking to adopt an animal. I would walk out with one or at the very least feel horrible leaving without one.

The other day my cousin contacted me via text. I haven't talked to this girl in years. Anyway, her and her husband are looking to re-home one of their dogs. What amazes me is they literally got her five months ago. I told her that unfortunately we don't have the room or finances for another dog right now, other wise I would love to. It was hard saying no, but I know we have limitations and if you cannot care for the animal properly, you don't get the animal. That's all there is to it.

Although, since they had the dog such a short period of time I did ask why they were looking for a new home for her. Apparently she is currently pregnant with child number three. They didn't know this when they adopted this dog. This dog isn't even a year yet. She won't be a year old until October. So, since she still has a lot of puppy in her and she is a high energy dog, they know that they can't take care of her and a newborn at the same time.

I'm glad that they are being responsible about it though. I wished her luck in finding a good home for the pup, but that was all I could do.

We have been watching that Dog Whisperer show again. I love that show. But I get a little jealous whenever you see his pack of about 30 dogs or so. I would love to be able to have a large pack of dogs like that. Don't get me wrong, I love our dog very, very much. But it would be nice to have more dogs for us to love and care for and for him to be friends with.

Cook Out

This Saturday we are going down to visit Master's family. Well, His dad's side of the family anyway. They are a rather large group. Larger than we are used to anyway. It will be our first time down at His brother's house. So we're kind of nervous and excited about it. Why? Well, it seems that we are taking bigger and bigger steps with that side of the family, which is a great thing!

We've been invited our to lunch and dinner for a couple of years now. And then beginning last November we have been invited to more family functions. Birthdays and such and now a cook out. I think it's wonderful.

So, in order of age, aside from myself this is who will be there:

Master's dad
Master
Master's half-brother
Half-brother's wife
Master's half-sister #1
Master's half-sister #2
Master's half-sister #3
Master's niece
Master's nephew

We aren't too sure whether or not His dad's wife will be there or not. She does not like Master at all and so she tries not to be around us as much as possible. I'm pretty sure that my father-in-law's second wife will be there. She is the mother of half-brother and half-sister #1. And she's awesome! I really like her. My father-in-law's third and current wife is the mother of half-sister #2 and #3. Master's mom is never invited to such functions and never will be.

Although I will say that if we ever have an anniversary party or something along those lines where the whole family, His and mine, are invited it'll be really interesting to see how His mom reacts. I personally think it'll be hilarious. My brother has already met my father-in-law, my brother-in-law and the nephew. They got along great.

I'm excited because this is a big step. And all this means is that our relationship, and more importantly Master's relationship with that side of the family is growing stronger. That makes me extremely happy. And you can just tell that Master's dad is as pleased as punch that all of his children are getting along and getting to know one another better.

We have been messaging back and forth with all of those people to try and figure all of this out. Well today we finally decided who is bringing what. At first they said we didn't have to bring anything at all. I'm sure in the hell not about to go to their house for the first time for a cook out and not bring anything at all. So we offered to bring chips. It's simple but it's a cook out damn it. Plus, they had all the meats and what not covered.

I'm really looking forward to this.

Lucky Girl

I am a very lucky girl. I'm lucky because I have a man that loves me and wants to make me smile. He knows how stressed out I am. Not only because He listens to my whining/bitching when I need to vent or just simply tell Him about my day.

But because He notices things. He sees that I look tired all the time. He can see the stress on my face. He sees how much pain I'm in, more so than usual. As a result He has been doing His very best to cheer me up and make sure that I'm relaxing as much as possible while I'm home. He has been giving me back rubs, giving me extra long hugs when I get home from work.. you know.. small stuff like that. But it all helps. He's been acting more goofy than usual to try and get me to smile, even if I smile while asking Him what the hell is wrong with Him.

My Master loves goofing around, especially when He knows He is making me laugh. He is allowing me to be more lazy than usual. I'm pretty much a bump on the couch the majority of the night. I peel myself off the couch in order to help take care of the animals, do my blog post, and take my shower.

That's about it.

But He's letting me get away with it, which I appreciate.

Oh! And He's been watching stupid shit with me. Stupid shit that He doesn't particularly care for. What? Well, you see.. I'm somewhat addicted to talk shows/court shows.

Okay so on the court show side, I love Judge Judy, Divorce Court and Judge Joe Brown. Master doesn't mind Judge Joe Brown but the others He just tolerates so I can watch them.

The talk shows? Well.... yeah. They are kinda white trashy. *laughs* Jerry Springer and Maury! I like Jerry Springer because well.. it's trash! I love watching the fucked up drama and the fights. As far as Maury goes, it's the paternity tests and lie detector test shows that I love. More drama! Whoo-hoo!

See what I mean about the white trashy type thing? Yeah. He's been playing those for me. He gets into it a little sometimes. Like when someone lands a good hit on Jerry Springer. Maury? I think He just shakes His head at the stupidity. But the point is, that He puts up with it so I can watch it. And He knows that I prefer watching stuff with Him rather than watching it myself. So He's been sitting through it.

I love Him.

Working Myself Up

Sometimes, even though I'm medicated, I can emotional over react to some things. Not nearly as bad as I did prior to my medication. And I understand that medication is not a cure. I'll still have my good and my bad days. I know this. That doesn't mean it doesn't fucking suck.

Today was one of those days. I had a knot in my stomach the minute I got in the car to go to work. Just an uneasy feeling. I don't know if it's because I want a new job and I'm sick of this one, or if it's because seven people have been fired in the last 30 days which is honestly a record high for that place. We aren't that large of an office.

As a result I was stressing myself out, as I am known to do. I contacted Master on my lunch break to tell Him and He told me to just breathe and calm myself down. There is no use in working myself up because then I'll just make myself stress out even more.

He's right, of course.

I was eventually able to calm down enough where that knot in my stomach went away. I got approved for eight hours of overtime this week. That's a lot honestly. More than I thought I would get. What sucks the most though is that I'll most likely end up having to work Saturday. It doesn't suck just because it's a Saturday. But it also sucks because we have plans to see His dad's side of the family on Saturday. That's not until 3pm though so I would go in early, obviously. I'm not about to cancel our plans with His family. We don't see them all that often.

I told Master this and He is just more worried about me burning myself out and wearing myself too thin. I told Him I'm not going to cancel and He said that He understands that but He is worried about me. I react to stress physically. Not only does my fibromyalgia kick into high gear, like today, but I get pale,  I am tired all the time, my appetite goes right out the window which isn't a good thing because of my blood sugar issues.

So, while I have these eight hours of overtime approved I highly doubt I'll be able to pull it off within the next four days. I did an extra 45 minutes today. I would have done more but I wasn't sure what the approval amount was going to be and I wanted to be able to spread it out if it was a low number. This is why I think I'll end up going in on Saturday. I do get a four day weekend next week though due to Memorial Day. So at least I'll have that to look forward to if/when I have to work on Saturday.

Right now I'm just trying to decompress and will try to not stress myself out so much by working myself up.

When I got home tonight though the first thing that happened was that Master came over to me, gave me a hug, and held me close for a little while. That was really nice, and very much needed and appreciated.

Bittersweet

Sundays are always so bittersweet. I've had a great weekend. It's actually gone by slower than I thought it would, which is a very good thing. We went to hang out with my dad on Friday. Yesterday we pretty much lazed about and fucked. And today, so far, we've just lazed about the apartment.

I'm posting earlier than usual because Master wants me to get my nightly routine out of the way so the rest of the night doesn't seem so rushed.

Normally I don't start my nightly routine until about 8:30pm. And since 9pm is when we take care of the animals as soon as that time comes and goes it feels like it's time to go to bed already. My bedtime is normally between 11pm and 11:30pm. So the night past night goes in a blink of an eye for me.

It's not so much that I don't want to go to work. It's more I just know what the hell I'm walking into and it overwhelms me some days. Especially with all the bullshit that's going on at the company. It's making me anxious to find a new job. But I can't compromise too much on what I'm looking for because that would fuck us over in the long run.

And it seems like most of the jobs I'm finding are either further out than my current job, don't pay well enough or are only part time or just a temp position. Nope. Can't do that. Plus all the places that are reaching out to me are insurance companies. Ugh. No! I cannot afford to go to commission rather than straight hourly or salary. I cannot depend on how well sales are going. Plus, I suck at sales anyway. I'm better at regular office work or call center work.

Something has to come along eventually. I just hope it's sooner rather than later. I know I've been talking about it a lot lately but it's constantly in my mind, swimming around in there. I'm almost stuck on it because I'm trying to figure out the best way of doing things, what direction to go, etc.

Husband & Wife

We went to my dad's yesterday just to hang out. I had found out that my dad now has a long distance girlfriend. Okay. Cool. But.... it's someone I know. She was a friend of the family and would come over for cook outs and just to sit around and chill with my mom and dad. (My parents were still married at the time. They didn't get a divorce until I was 17 years old.)

In fact, I went to this woman's wedding when she married another family friend. Her three kids would come over with her and her then husband all the time. I kind of grew up with this woman being around. I don't know why but that makes me feel a little awkward about it. Like.. Dude.. you and my mom were constantly drinking tea/coffee and chatting away. Not to mention the fact that she told my dad that she always had a thing for him. So, you had a crush on my dad and flirted with him while he was married to my mother and you were hanging out with my mom. Anyway, apparently she had moved out of state quite some time ago. Probably shortly before my parents got divorced. She divorced her first husband because he cheated on her. Then she divorced her second husband because he cheated on her.

I guess one of the things that my dad had told her is, "You don't have to worry about that with me."

When he told us that he had said that to her, Master and I just got really, really quiet. He cheated on my mom for close to a year before finally telling her about it and filing for divorce. He then stayed with that woman for 10 years and cheated on her for about three or four months before he broke up with her and she moved out. But.. I wasn't going to comment. If dad feels he is past such things, okay cool. But that is kind of a record there, ya know?

Now, that may sound like I'm being a hypocrite. I, after all, cheated on my ex with Master. I did it for a couple of weeks before breaking it off. Master was also in a relationship at the time and the time frame was pretty much right on the money since we had agreed we were going to pretty much do it around the same time.

So yes, I have cheated in a past relationship. However, doing it in one relationship... okay. You made a bad decision. You could have handled it better. But not only does my dad have a record of it, he allows quite a lengthy period of time to go by before finally breaking it off. Two weeks versus up to a year? Yeah.

I don't really judge my dad. He does what he wants and it's not my place to comment on it as it does not directly effect me. But it was just something I didn't want to comment on so I was quiet for a short period of time before basically smoothly directing the conversation into a different direction.

One thing my dad has said since he divorced my mother 13 years ago was that he would never, ever get married again. Okay. No problem. Whatever makes you happy. But he does sometimes make comments about how people who get married are making a horrible mistake. Never mind he was married to my mother for 25 years. When he does make those comments he always looks over and says, "But not you guys.. you guys are happy and I'm happy for you."

Maybe not those exact words all the time, but close to it. He was happy when I first told him that Master and I were getting married. All he told Master was, "No receipt. No return. No warranty." And then he turned to me and said, "Don't fuck it up."

I do have to say that sometimes I feel that a particular couple should not get married and that one or both of them should run for the fucking hills. But those are the exception to the rule I guess.

I love being married. It is honestly not any different in how our relationship was prior to marriage. It's just the added benefits. Such as the legal aspects. That takes a lot off my mind should anything, gods forbid, happen. Also, being able to call Him my Husband rather than my boyfriend makes me very happy. And being called His wife rather than His girlfriend also makes me very happy. It just.. carries more weight I guess. It doesn't mean that we weren't serious while "just dating". It just means that we decided to make it legal/official.

Leaving The Ship

This post is actually supposed to be for my 05/10/13 post. However, I had taken a nap on the couch until 9pm, when Master woke me up so we could take care of the animals and then I got back on the couch and apparently fell back asleep until about 15 minutes ago. So it's now after midnight. I feel bad about it honestly. Master said not to worry about it.

He knows how work has been as well as other stresses that had been on my mind for the past few days. Events at work today did not help. Today one of the employees that is not in my department but I had gotten along with was fired today. I have no idea why honestly. But that is the seventh person within less than a 30 day period that has been fired. In the four years I have worked there, that is the most I have ever seen. Hell, I only remember two employees being fired within a 30 day period.

So, either more and more people are fucking up pretty badly or they are cutting down the staff size. They aren't really letting us know this part, but we are losing some work from our clients. Not in my department, as we have been busy as fuck, but in parts of the larger departments that are normally swamped beyond belief year round. And guess what? My department isn't their big money maker. Even still, two of people in my department were recently fired. One I understood completely, but the other not so much.

On the way home from work the passenger in my carpool and I were discussing all this. I learned something though. He admitted that if he could find a different job with the same pay and a little closer to home he would jump in a heart beat. So he is basically along the same line of thinking that I am. I didn't allude to the fact that I am currently job hunting but I did tell him that I felt the same way. And the bad part is that we are both really good employees. We shouldn't feel like that. But here we are. The other thing that ticked us off is that an employee who has been there less than six months got employee of the month. I have been there four years and the passenger in the carpool has been there five years and neither of us have ever won. It's a popularity contest as you have to be nominated by "x" amount of people to be considered. So it's not really based on your work performance.

That's the other thing we have noticed. All of the people getting cut loose have been there for four years or more. I think it's one of those, "We can get someone in here who is cheaper to do this." situations. So, that's uncomfortable as well.

As a result I will be doubling my job hunting efforts. I honestly don't think I'm going to get fired, but I have that the rats should be leaving the ship feeling in my stomach that I had at my last job. It's not a pleasant sensation.

Bad Dreams

I had bad dreams all night last night. I don't remember what the hell they were about, which just makes it worse. I was tossing and turning all night. I woke up randomly and then went into a half sleep, which was highly annoying.

I think I kept Master up as well, which I feel bad about. I've always kind of wondered how the hell you know that you've had a bad dream but you don't remember what the fuck it was about. If I don't remember what it was about how can I know I had a bad dream? I guess it's just the feeling you have when you wake up. I don't know.

That feeling stuck with me most of the day. I've just had a blah mood and just felt kind of spaced out. I feel rather cuddly and affectionate. So I've been randomly hugging Master and kissing His forward and other random things like that.

It's a good thing He is an affectionate person. It would be awkward if He wasn't. I'm a very affectionate person and even more so when I'm like this. For example, on my way over to the computer to do my blog post I stopped by His chair and kissed His forehead a couple of times and He just smiled.

I'm glad that tomorrow is Friday and that Master and I pretty much have the whole weekend to ourselves except for tomorrow when we visit my dad for a while. But that's not a big deal since Master and my dad get along like best friends when they are around each other.

Hopefully tonight I'll sleep without a problem. The funny thing is that I don't feel tired at all. You would think that since I didn't get a good night's sleep that I would be exhausted, especially after the kind of work day I had, but I'm wide awake. I'm just blah.

My Wednesday

Today started off as any other work day has gone lately. I woke up before my alarm for some fucked up reason. I seem to be doing that a lot. Then the work day went how it did. Busy as fuck and just not enough time to get stuff done. And since there is an overtime restriction there isn't much I could do about it. The end of the work day really sucked though.

I think I scratched my eye. Like, the eye itself. It burns like a mother fucker and when I first realized it, it hurt to even look at the monitor, which is not a good thing since I stare at one for 8+ hours a day. Thankfully it was towards the end of the work day and I just kept going and wiping my eye every now and then because it was watering so badly.

It's not as bad now. Not anywhere near as bad.

After I dropped off the passenger in the carpool I came home and parked in front of our apartment complex and called Master. He came out and I drove us down to the game store. We still had in-store credit left from the trade in we did and it was enough to get two more games! They are older titles of course, but hey. Whatever.

When we got back home I got a hold of my dad. We'll be going down to visit him on Friday. He leaves on Saturday to go pick up his car. I guess he won't be back until Monday. I can't wait to see it.

Once I got off the phone Master and I decided to just go outside and chill on our porch. It's finally nice enough to do that, so we might as well take advantage of it. We sat out for about an hour and a half and now I'm knocking out my post and then taking my shower so I can just relax the rest of the night. Master told me that He will work on my back after the animals are taken care of for the night. I can't wait! Damn fibromyalgia.

Touch Base

I was having a very rough day today at work. It was getting to the point that I was starting to feel overwhelmed. I don't mean just by my work load, I mean as in my mood. I'm not sure why. It may be in part due to the fact that I'm on my period and the other part is just because of how work has been going lately. Either way it was about 2:30pm when it hit me.

I knew that if I could talk to Master for a few moments I would feel better.

So I called Him. Thankfully He answered the phone and we talked for a few moments. It wasn't that I was spinning out of control or anything. I just needed to touch base and breathe for a moment. The best way for me to do that is to hear Master's voice. It's like touching base. He centers me. Even if it's just a quick phone call.

We talked for about six or seven minutes and then I had to get back to my never ending work load. But really, that's all I needed. I felt better the minute I hung up the phone. The rest of the work day seemed a bit easier. Yes, it was only two more hours but still.

When I got home from work Master gave me a big hug, which made me feel even better. My hands have been bothering me though. I have the ability to type up to 70wpm and that has been put to the test quite a bit lately. But when I do that almost non-stop for 8+ hours a day it starts to hurt. My wrist, my knuckles, my finger tips. I think my fibromyalgia plays into that a little bit, but I'm not 100% sure on that.

They feel a little better now.

Game On! - Revisited

Master and I had bought a video game called Injustice about two weeks ago. Somewhere around there anyway. We were both really excited about it because we both like to play fighters and talk trash while we do so. And there it was. A fighter game having based on DC comic book characters. I couldn't wait to play Catwoman. So we went out and bought it at full price, which we almost never do. We are more likely to wait for it to go down in price, but we decided fuck it let's go for it.

That, apparently, was a bad idea. It had already gotten to the point where I didn't want to play anymore. The difficulty levels are completely out of whack. Easy is too easy and normal is like hard mode. What the shit? And so many of the characters were cheap as hell. Needless to say we were highly disappointed.

So today, we were hemming and hawing over what to do about it. Eventually we decided we should just go ahead and trade the damn thing in. No use in having it in the apartment if we're not going to play it, ya know?

We were surprised at how little we got in trade in though. It was a $60 game and two weeks later we only got $25 in trade in. *sigh* So we browse a bit and we found two games we wanted. One is Soul Calibur 5, which we both play and are good at. And we can create our own characters which is awesome. The only one I don't play but I love watching Master play it so that's cool too. And we still had store credit left over, almost $10 work actually. So they put that on a gift card for us and out the door we went.

Now Master is installing the games on His hard drive and we plan on dicking around with the fighter later on tonight. I hope He lets me stay up so we can nerd out to it. I missed playing Soul Calibur games. And the fifth one is pretty cool.

Don't Move

Master and I got kind of frisky last night. But we were also rather chill about it. We had both been hinting at fucking for a good couple of hours. Well, while we were watching an episode of a show we've been watching I just looked over at Him and said, "So, after this episode you want to go fuck?"

*laughs* Yeah, nice seduction method right? But that's one of the great things about being together for so long. You don't have to worry about trying to seduce one another. I mean, it's nice sometimes... But if you just feel like fucking you can just cut past all that shit and say, "Do you wanna go fool around?"

Master had me put on lingerie after my shower, but once we got back to the bedroom He told me to take it off. Normally He'll have me keep my lingerie on while we fuck but this particular item just kind of gets in the way. He loves it though.

The sex was amazing. Master was talking dirty to me and eventually just used me as His sex toy. Is it just me, or is just being used more of a turn on than being able to orgasm sometimes? For me it can be. I love being allowed to get off, don't get me wrong, but sometimes it's hotter to me to be used. I think it's a mental thing. He doesn't care whether or not I'm close to orgasm. I had damn well better make sure I don't.

And yet, I'm not allowed to move. So I can't even shift my weight or slightly change the angle He's hitting me at. Sometimes that can help hold it off more. But since He doesn't allow me to move unless He grabs my limb and forces me to move it or He simply tells me to. And I had better do it exactly when He tells me to and then hold still once again.

Afterwards we cuddled a little bit before going back to the living room for a couple of hours. It was about 3:30am when we finally went to bed to get some sleep. Now, it's Sunday and I can't stay up that late again, as much as I want to.

Fuck All

I pretty much did fuck all today. It was my day to take the dog outside all day, but aside from that I only left the apartment in order to go pick up my anti-crazy pills prescription. Master has allowed me to pretty much just laze about. We've been watching Netflix all day. A couple of TV shows here, a movie or two there...We also exchanged back rubs, which was nice.

This morning I got up when the dog woke me at 7:30am. I stayed up for about an hour and a half before deciding, fuck it, I'm going to try and get some more sleep. Master was still asleep. Weekends are the days where if we have no where to be, we sleep in rather late.We don't get a lot of sleep during the work week. I didn't wake back up until almost noon. I wasn't expecting to sleep that late. I thought I would doze off for about an hour and then get up. I guess my body had other plans. Master woke up about the same time I did. I guess He was just as tired as I was.

I really love sleeping in but sleeping the whole day away kind of sucks. Not so much on Saturdays, because I can stay up as late as I want to. But on Sundays it is nice because I don't have to get up to an alarm or anything along those lines, but then it's like I have no time left to enjoy before I have to turn around and go back to bed so I can go to work the next day.

Ugh.

I honestly have no idea why the hell I'm rambling on and on about sleep. Probably because I have no idea what to post about and sleep has been on my mind all week since I've been getting so little of it.

Foggy

I didn't sleep for shit last night. Even though this work week has been especially rough on me and I've been passing out on the couch all week, for some reason last night I simply was not tired.

Well, I can't really say that. I was worn out. I was physically tired. But mentally for whatever reason I was wide awake. My brain didn't want to shut down and yet there was nothing spinning around in there. Normally when my mind won't shut down it's because I have thoughts, worries, stresses, etc. stuck on loop inside my head. That wasn't the case last night. It was just not wanting to fucking shut down and allow me to sleep. I don't think I actually fell asleep until almost 2am and even then it was more of that in and out of sleep feeling. I wouldn't fully drift off, but I wasn't fully awake either.

Regardless of the fact that I didn't get much sleep at all, I woke up full before my damn alarm even went off. As a result, I have been really foggy all day. I was fine to drive, obviously, and I did my job without a problem. But in general I just feel foggy headed and spaced the hell out. It's almost as if I can't fully concentrate unless it was on work. If I know I have a task that I must complete I can be very focused when I'm like this, but if I have nothing that I absolutely have to do I can't focus at all.

But at least this night has been, for the most part, relaxing. Master and I are enjoying one of my favorite shows on Netflix and I know I don't have to do a damn thing tomorrow, which makes me happy. After a week like this I need to have a day of nothing at all.

Well, nothing outside of taking the dog outside. I'm greatly looking forward to the down time with Master. I could use some cuddling.

My Best

I know that I am not the most personable individual in the world. In fact, nine times out of ten I just still to myself in a social situation. The only two exceptions to that are when it's a group of my family (in-laws included of course.. they are my family) or if I am somewhere with Master or a family member. I've always been like that. When I was going to school (elementary, jr. high, etc.) I had a clique of friends but that was it. I stuck with that small group of people.

But because of how I am, I take my family very seriously. I try to be the best relative I can be basically. If you are one of my close family members, I'll basically do anything I possibly can for you. The only people on my side of the family that I would put in that "close" family member list would be my father, my mother, my brother and my grandfather. Everyone else? That's pretty much when it's a case by case basis. With Master's family I take His queue. How I would normally react in a situation may not be how it works in His family. Everyone's family is different, and the last thing I want to do is step over the line without meaning to.

As far as Master goes, I think that's rather obvious. I would do anything for Him. I try to be the best wife I possibly can be. I may not always pull it off, but that's what I try to do.

I try to be the best wife, best daughter, and best sister. I'll go out of my way to help any of the people listed above. It's just how I am.

A good example happened tonight actually. My dad called trying to figure out something with his account so he can get together the money for the car he'll be going to pick up soon. He doesn't have a computer so he was calling me asking me for phone numbers and then calling me back to ask a question or two. He did apologize about all the phone calls. It was slightly irritating at first, but I know that this is very important to him and so I wanted to do anything I could to help him out. Thankfully we figured it all out and he was really happy and grateful.

It's kind of funny though because my brother lives 15 minutes from him, while I am 45 minutes away. He always calls me if he needs something. It's not that my brother wouldn't help him or anything. My brother would help in a heart beat. But my dad comes to me first. I don't know if it's because I'm the older one or what.. maybe because I'm more patient? Maybe I just explain things better. I have no idea. But it makes me smile in an odd way. It shows that my family trusts me and feel that they can come to me with anything.