Working Myself Up

Sometimes, even though I'm medicated, I can emotional over react to some things. Not nearly as bad as I did prior to my medication. And I understand that medication is not a cure. I'll still have my good and my bad days. I know this. That doesn't mean it doesn't fucking suck.

Today was one of those days. I had a knot in my stomach the minute I got in the car to go to work. Just an uneasy feeling. I don't know if it's because I want a new job and I'm sick of this one, or if it's because seven people have been fired in the last 30 days which is honestly a record high for that place. We aren't that large of an office.

As a result I was stressing myself out, as I am known to do. I contacted Master on my lunch break to tell Him and He told me to just breathe and calm myself down. There is no use in working myself up because then I'll just make myself stress out even more.

He's right, of course.

I was eventually able to calm down enough where that knot in my stomach went away. I got approved for eight hours of overtime this week. That's a lot honestly. More than I thought I would get. What sucks the most though is that I'll most likely end up having to work Saturday. It doesn't suck just because it's a Saturday. But it also sucks because we have plans to see His dad's side of the family on Saturday. That's not until 3pm though so I would go in early, obviously. I'm not about to cancel our plans with His family. We don't see them all that often.

I told Master this and He is just more worried about me burning myself out and wearing myself too thin. I told Him I'm not going to cancel and He said that He understands that but He is worried about me. I react to stress physically. Not only does my fibromyalgia kick into high gear, like today, but I get pale,  I am tired all the time, my appetite goes right out the window which isn't a good thing because of my blood sugar issues.

So, while I have these eight hours of overtime approved I highly doubt I'll be able to pull it off within the next four days. I did an extra 45 minutes today. I would have done more but I wasn't sure what the approval amount was going to be and I wanted to be able to spread it out if it was a low number. This is why I think I'll end up going in on Saturday. I do get a four day weekend next week though due to Memorial Day. So at least I'll have that to look forward to if/when I have to work on Saturday.

Right now I'm just trying to decompress and will try to not stress myself out so much by working myself up.

When I got home tonight though the first thing that happened was that Master came over to me, gave me a hug, and held me close for a little while. That was really nice, and very much needed and appreciated.