Ick

I felt like hell today. When I first got up this morning I was all stuffed up so I went to blow my nose and most of it was blood. Ew. Apparently my nose was really fucking dry before I went to bed. But of course as the day went on it became just plain old stuffed up nose and headache. I'm not sick, it's just my sinuses bitch slapping me.

It didn't help that I have been absolutely slammed the past couple of days at work.I'm used to busting my tail a bit but this is causing me to switch into "overtime" mode. I haven't had to put in more than 3 hours of overtime in about two months. That's a streak right there. So I was trying to kick start myself into that mode today but with how I was feeling that wasn't quite working. I got about 8 1/2 hours in today. Not too bad.

Hopefully tomorrow I'll feel better and my sinuses will chill the fuck out.

Although, today is Halloween and as a result I saw something that would normally sound like I was on an acid trip when I describe it.

I sit right by a window at work. And right across the parking lot for our building is a bar. At about 2pm today I just so happen to look out the window to see Winnie the Pooh drunk as hell, stumbling out of the bar and then skipping drunkenly through the parking lot while swinging a purse around.

See, I told you it would sound like an acid trip.

Brother Dear

Okay, it seems that we have finally hammered out the visit with my brother. You see, the most difficult part was trying to figure out was how the hell to get him up here that Friday. Unfortunately it's not my half day Friday. But he really wanted to be here Friday night. No big deal really. I don't mind having him here all weekend and neither does Master. It was just how to get him up here.

Master and I only have the one car. And I use that car to go back and forth to work. Well, if we waited for me to get out of work and drop off the other person in the carpool before swinging around and picking my brother up I wouldn't be getting to him until at least 6:30pm and then have a 40 minute trip back home. That's a long damn day. It's not really a big deal but my brother was hoping to get here earlier and I don't blame him because honestly I don't want to just be getting home around 7:15pm or so. That would suck ass.

My brother can't drive his car up here for a couple of reasons. First, he can't park on the street because we just had that seasonal start of needing a sticker to park on the street and I don't want him getting a ticket. I had already looked into it and you can't just buy a "day pass". There is no sense in him buying a full month sticker either. He can't park in our parking lot because it's residents only and they are sticklers about that around here.

So the next thought was to have our mom bring him up while I was at work. That's not going to work either though because my mom hurt her back and can't be in a car that long.

After that came the idea of having Master take myself and the other person in the carpool to work. Then he would go home for a bit before driving down to pick up my brother and then pick us up at work, drop the other guy off and finally get home. Master had absolutely no problem with that but I kind of did just simply due to the gas money involved. You're talking a 45 minute drive to work, then one back home. After that a 40 minute drive to my home town and back. Then another 45 minute drive to pick us up and then back again. That is a lot of gas and wear and tear on the vehicle.

So after thinking all of that through I decided it would just be easier to have the person in my carpool find a different way home that night (he's fine with it) and for me to leave work a couple of hours early. Yes, that's a couple hours off the paycheck but honestly those two hours I think is less than what I would spend in gas after all that. Up side? I get out of work early that day, which is awesome.

I e-mailed my brother about it tonight and I'm sure he'll be fine with it. If not, well there really isn't another option. *laughs*

Peas In A Pod

There isn't a lot really going on today. After the busy weekend we had with my dad, while it was a hell of a lot of fun, I'm a little worn out from it. Also, I'm dealing with his Ebay sales. It's going well but I try to keep a really close eye on it. He's lucky I love him so much. *laughs*

Master has been really sweet about all of it. He hasn't complained once about helping out my dad or about me checking things online for my dad. It's taking up a bit of time but not overly much. Still, no sighs or eye rolls. In face He pretty much offers Himself up to my dad when my dad even remotely hints at the fact he needs help with something.

What do you know? A son-in-law who really likes his father-in-law. Who knew?

Actually, Master and my entire family get along really well. Although I will say I think He gets along with my father the best. They have a lot of things in common. Interests, senses of humor, etc. And with two grown ass men in the room that much alike it can only go one of two ways. Either it turns into a pissing contest of biblical proportions or it turns into how my Husband and father are. Basically best friends when they are around one another. They don't talk on the phone or anything like that but if we go down there you can barely shut the two of them up sometimes. And of course, eventually the jokes will turn to me. Damn them. It's all in good fun though.

Other than that, there isn't a lot going on or on my mind. I'm just glad Monday is almost over. I hate Mondays.

This Is Halloween

Yesterday was Trick or Treat at my dad's house. We got down there about 2:30pm even though Trick or Treat didn't start until 6pm. We had offered to come down early to help and I'm really glad we did. If we hadn't it wouldn't have all gotten done on time. Why? Well, when my father has a lot to do a few things happen. First he gets hurried to the point that he's torn on what to do and gets irritated. Then he'll sit down for a minute to get himself collected and then procrastinate. For instance yesterday we got a lot of shit done and my dad needed to sit down not only to calm down but because of his back. He said we would start back up at 4pm. Well 4pm comes around and I had to remind him to get going again. *laughs* A 29 year old daughter talking to her 51 year old dad saying, "Dad, we have to get started again. Remember you said 4pm? Yeah. Come on."

Like a parent talking to a teenager that gets distracted. It's amusing in a way. Anyway, we continued knocking things out. While Master and my dad were setting things up outside I went ahead and did my own make-up. It was pretty cool actually. All I needed was black lipstick and a black felt tip eyeliner pen. Throw on the lipstick, do normal eyeliner around the eyes and then draw squiggles down my face to make it look like black tears were streaming down my face. It may sound stupid but it turned out looking pretty bad ass. I waited until after the pumpkin was carved and everything was set up before putting on my actual costume. My dad put on his costume and make-up about 15 minutes before Trick or Treat started. Like I said, he procrastinates. But thankfully Master and I were able to get all the small stuff done while he was doing that.

But it went off without a hitch. Master didn't have a costume this year unfortunately but my dad was really glad He was there, as was I. We got a lot of huge groups all at one time. It was like a revolving door. My dad had decorated his living room, dining room and kitchen as a haunted house. So once they were done walking through they got a piece of candy. Of course, if the kids were too scared to walk through he gave them a piece of candy anyway. But he got a lot of compliments on the decorating and his costume. (He was a zombie this year.) Finally 8pm came around. I got changed but decided to wash off my make-up when I got home. Dad got changed and washed up and we all sat down in his living room for a breather. He looked so happy. Master and I had a great time too.

We got home at about 9:30pm. We didn't want to stay too late at my dad's. It was about 8:30pm by the time we rolled out of there. Master and I were sore and a bit tired from all of the work. My dad looked sore and tired but extremely pleased. That put a smile on my face. It's great though that three people who's favorite holiday is Halloween got to celebrate it together like that, especially since we're family.

Sell, Sell, Sell

Today after work Master and I went down to my dad's. The original plan was to help him set up more of his Halloween stuff but apparently he had finished most of it yesterday while my uncle was over. No big deal. So instead we took pictures of more items he wants to sell online.

So far the sales are going rather well. Better than I thought actually. Out of the last ten items five of them sold, so a 50/50 on that. Not bad at all. This means a little extra cash in my dad's pocket, which he really needs. So Master and I are more than happy to help.

It's a really smooth process too. We go down there and my dad pulls out the items he wants listed next. He sets them up for the pictures exactly how he wants them. Then Master steps up and takes the pictures, my dad okays the pictures and we move onto the next item. While this is going on I'm writing down notes about the item and the price he wants me to set as a baseline as well as which pictures he wants used.

Then once I get home I place the ad and keep an eye on it. If an item sells I call up my dad to give him the information, he ships it and then calls me to provide the tracking information so I can let the buyer know.

Like I said, it's a smooth process. It's also interesting to see how well Master and my dad work together. They work great together actually. It makes me smile.

Tomorrow we are going back down there to help Dad with his trick or treat haunted house, which is always fun.

What's In A Name?

I had this thought running through my head. It's about tattoos. Actually, it's about a specific tattoo. Mainly placing your significant other's name on you. Many people believe that is bad luck and feel that it is a "ticking time bomb" for the relationship. Same would go for portraits, I'm assuming. But the main belief is that you should never, ever put a tattoo on your body that relates to your significant other's name.

So many people say that they have friends that did that and it wasn't long after that the relationship ended and it was bloody.

Well, lets see here. First, relationships end all the time. Secondly, a lot of relationship end ugly. In fact I would say that relationships that end on even a somewhat good note are rare. In my world they are like unicorns. I've never in my life been in a relationship that ended where there were no hard feelings and I've never seen a relationship end that way. It's always been ugly. Granted it's been varying degrees of ugly, but ugly none the less.

Why is there this belief? I don't understand it. Personally I think that it stems from the fact that people who do end up getting a significant other's name tattooed on them and then break up for whatever reason decide that is why. It's almost like blaming the tattoo. Essentially blaming your decision on what to put on your skin.

To me that is no different than saying a relationship broke up because you took the next step. Whether that step be an engagement ring, a wedding ring, a collar, or whatever other physical sign of commitment you can think of.

I do not have Master's name tattooed on me. I do not have a tattoo that literally spells out "property of". Instead I have a tattoo that matches His except for the symbols on the inside of it as those symbols are very personal and they have a purpose for being there. I have tattoos that He designed. I have tattoos that He bought me as a present. Just like He has tattoos that I bought Him. He doesn't have any that I technically designed myself because I can't draw worth a damn. But He does have a tattoo that I helped piece together. I picked out the flash and told the tattoo artist where to place them. Master of course had the final say on it but He didn't change a damn thing.

Why don't we have one another's names done? *shrugs* We don't feel the need for them. We already have our marks on one another as I explained above.

I'm not saying that if you truly love someone you have to get their name inked on your skin. But I honestly do not believe that if you do, it's immediately a curse to the relationship. Sometimes I wonder if it just scares one or both people in the relationship. It's a level of commitment and sometimes that big of a showing of commitment to someone can scare the hell out of you, or the person you are with. Also? I sometimes think that people don't think it though and get it done way, way too soon. I'm not going to even remotely state how long a relationship should be before you do such a thing but I do think that if you are with someone for three months and decide to slap their name on you, it may not be the brightest idea. Then again I think the same thing about a ring on your finger or a collar around your neck. That's just my personal belief though.

Spin The Wheel

There is a lot coming up and things keep changing. Okay, lets see here. My dad wanted us to come down this Sunday for Trick or Treat. He wants us to help him decorate and all that. Well, he called me today and apparently he got his dates mixed up and it's actually Saturday instead of Sunday. Honestly this is better because I'd rather not be there late the night before I have to go back to work especially since it's a 45 minute drive home.

I believe that next weekend is clear. The week after that is BC's wedding. That Friday we have the rehearsal dinner and that Saturday is the actual wedding. They tried to throw in a pre-rehearsal get together for next weekend but Master and I declined as the month is going to be crazy enough. Okay, so the weekend of the wedding our neighbor AK was also going to be moving and wanted Master's help loading the truck during the day prior to the rehearsal.

However, now apparently she isn't moving until the weekend after that and still wants Master's help. That also happens to be the weekend that my brother is coming up to stay for the weekend. So, if that is how it pans out and her moving date doesn't change, again, I'm sure that my brother will help out too.

The week after that brings us to Thanksgiving. We're also trying to get together with my father-in-law somewhere in all this as well.

Before I know it it'll be December. And of course December will go by quickly as well, it just won't be so jam packed every weekend, hopefully.

Trying to keep all of this straight is mind boggling enough some days. So, hopefully nothing else changes.

Docile Thoughts

I've felt really docile all day today. That includes the time that I was at work. Those days hit me every now and again. Sometimes when I get really docile though I get quiet. It's not that I don't talk, it's that I don't talk very much. It's more of a I'll speak when I'm spoken to type situation, which is odd as that has never been a rule that Master has enforced.

And when I do talk "out of turn" it's normally pretty short or just a comment about something we're watching. I didn't really notice until Master pointed out the fact that I've been really quiet since getting home from work.

So I've thought about it and that's the only answer I can come up with. It's a result of me being extremely docile.

Although He did say that I've been quiet most of the week and while yes, I've been behaving myself I haven't felt this docile in quite some time.

Another thing I've noticed when I'm docile is that I don't move as quickly. It's not that I'm sluggish or anything like that it's just that I physically moving slower. Odd, don't ya think? I don't know whether or not Master has noticed that.

I also get more affectionate. It's interesting the things that you notice when you really stop to think about things. And normally it takes Master pointing out something, like He did tonight, for me to take a mental step back to see what exactly He's talking about. And then sometimes I'll take it a step further, like right now.

Fucked In The Head

Sometimes I think I'm sicker than I realize. And I'm not referring to my bipolar disorder either. I mean just fucked in the head type shit.

Master says the thoughts and dreams I have sometimes are because I'm a masochist and I know that He's right. But I also know that some of them scare the hell out of me. I'll give you an example.

But first, I would like to note that Master would never in His life do something like this. It is simply a dream I had and I have no idea why. Basically He beat the living hell out of me. And I'm not talking kink wise either. I mean just beat me. I was crying and crawling away, bleeding, and begging Him to stop. But it just continued. I remember bleeding from different parts of my body. My head, my side, my hands. I remember there were bruises everywhere.

And then suddenly I woke up. I woke up rather violently. I sat straight up and was breathing heavy. The fear carried over until I realized I was awake. You know how that is right? You know you're awake but you still feel like the dream is still going on for some reason until finally all the lights turn on upstairs? Yeah, it was like that.

But that isn't the part that seemed fucked up to me. Everyone has dreams they know would never happen in a million years. But the fucked up part was that once I was fully awake I also realized that I was wet. And I don't mean like oh I'm a little turned on right now. No. It was like we had just gotten done having sex type wet. I didn't tell Master about it right away. I was trying to figure out what the fuck... but today I told Him about it. Granted it was over text but we were on a different subject at the time that made me think of it.

The great thing about being with someone you trust so much? No judgement. He didn't judge me one bit. He did make sure that I did in fact know He would never do such a thing. Yes, I know that. If I didn't I sure in the hell wouldn't still be around.

So, what was the original conversation about over text? Well, it had to do with anal sex of course. I'm making progress but I also want it to go faster. Yes, I know.. patience.. blah blah blah. But still.

I had made a comment to Master about how sometimes I wish He just wouldn't give me a choice and keep going. On one hand that thought scares the hell out of me. Why? Because it's going to fucking hurt, that's why. On the other hand the thought turns me on. Ultimate submission. Not having any choice in the matter what so ever.

This is also where the trust comes into play. I trust Him to not go too far. What's too far? Needing an ER trip afterward. He knows my body and He knows it's limits. We have been together for a long time and in that amount of time He knows me that well.

He said that He would be willing to do such a thing but I have to make damn sure that's actually what I want. Now why would I need to do that if I can still stop it in the middle of it and trust Him to know when I'm serious? Well, in order for it to work as a "forced" thing I need to be tied and gagged. If I'm not gagged the neighbors will hear me. If I'm not tied down I might move at the wrong damn time and end up causing damage to myself. See? He knows me and I know myself well enough to know that is a possibility.

I don't have to worry about that with anal sex in general. Why? Because if I can't move past the pain I know He'll stop. But, in a forced situation my only choice would be to find a way past the pain mentally or to just experience it until He's done. As a result I may want to thrash around or try to get away, which means movement that may lead to injury.

He told me that I don't have to make a decision now. After all I'm the one that brought it up. I just need to let Him know. I'm sure if I do say "go" there will be more discussions that are in depth and thorough. Right now, I'm not sure.

Massage

Sometimes it begins as a back rub and turns into something totally different being massaged. *grins*

We were watching TV and I asked Master if He would please work on my lower back for a little while. It's been bothering me lately. He said yes but made me stay on the couch while He set it up. He grabbed the lotion and then my throw blanket. He placed the blanket down on the floor and then one of the couch pillows so I could rest my head on it. After that He took me by the hand and had me stand up. He pulled my shirt off first and molested my tits for a few minutes while I giggled. I said, "Master that isn't my back."

You want to know what His response was? "Respect the process." *laughs* I love that man of mine.

Finally He slipped my yoga pants off and then allowed me to lay down. The only reason I had been dressed in the first place is because we had the patio door blinds open. I can't exactly be naked, ya know?

We continued to watch TV as He worked on my back. Once He was done I was simply expecting Him to go back into His chair and for me to go back onto the couch. That's not what happened though. Instead He moved down and started licking my asshole. It tickled a bit at first but then I mellowed right out. After He was done He lightly nipped my skin and then went onto His chair.

I was like jello when the TV show ended. Immediately there after Master ordered me to the bedroom. The sex, as always, was amazing. But this time it was the kind of sex where afterward you have a full body buzz going on. Master had the same feeling. I love that sensation.

Bad Porn

Well, we watched both of those porn dvds last night. We tried watching the actual porno first. It was a lot more polished than I normally like. I pretty kind of a down and dirty, more realistic porno. This was more of a polished one and while it wasn't up my alley like I thought it would be we still tried watching it.

However, there was no sound. Well, there was sound but it was fucked up music. You couldn't hear any of the moaning or heavy breathing. You literally could not hear any noise that the "actors" were making because they covered it all with music.

It really really threw me off. I couldn't really enjoy it at all. If I'm watching porn I want to hear the damn reactions. Master wasn't grooving on it either. I had bought the stupid thing because it was supposed to be more about S/M but um .. yeah.. no. So that one went in the trash.

We got brave and tried watching the other one that came with the outfit I bought. I was right, it was instructional porn basically. It was all about the g-spot and how to find it, etc and so on. It was... odd to watch, yet funny. We did end up watching that one from beginning to end.

The porn didn't really turn me on, either one of them. However, I was horny to begin with so Master and I went and fooled around as soon as we turned the dvd off.

Master teased me that I'm not allowed to buy XXX movies online anymore. He says that I'm bad at it. This is literally the fourth porno that I purchased online and none of them have been something we want to keep. If we go into an actual porn store, I pick good ones out. But online? Yeah. Not so much.

So I told Master that the next time we buy one online He has to pick it out and we'll see how well that turns out. *laughs*

This and That

Master allowed me to skip my post last night. I didn't really have much to say and I wasn't feeling the greatest on top of it.

Unfortunately I don't really have much to say today either but I know better than to ask to skip my post two days in a row. That would not go over too well.

Aside from work and then coming home and relaxing for a little while there honestly hasn't been very much going on. I'm not complaining or anything of that nature. I've been very relaxed and content the past couple of days.

I did tried looking on Fet for blog post ideas but unfortunately there wasn't a lot there to inspire me either. Figures.

I did leave work a little early today. *smiles* I didn't tell Master because I wanted to surprise Him and He was happy to see me home about a half hour early. I'm also very affectionate tonight and apparently so is Master. I've gotten a lot of hugs and kisses since I got home. I'm greatly enjoying that. Don't get me wrong Master is a very affectionate person as am I, but tonight it's in high gear for some reason.

I got a package today. The two items I bought arrived. I bought a porn DVD because we needed a new one. We had to throw away one of my favorites because it kept skipping and freezing. Hopefully the new one will be good. I also bought some new lingerie and apparently that came with a DVD as well. When I read the title of it I couldn't help but laugh. It's basically about how to maximize g-spot pleasure. Um, okay? So I'm assuming it's instructional porn which should be amusing as hell! 

Bummed Out

I've been rather blah the past few days. I'm not depressed or anything, just down. I've kept Master updated on it of course. He tells me what I already know. He tells me that my pills aren't a cure all and that I'll still have days where I have a particular mood and I won't know or understand why. Yes, I already know that but it's still nice to hear Him say it. It's nice to have Him reassure me.

I know that people don't always know why they have the mood they do. But I get kind of paranoid about it. I've been diagnosed for about two years now and still I'm paranoid about it. Am I acting rationally? Am I over reacting to something that doesn't even matter?

I don't cycle like I use to though. If I do cycle it's no where near as severe as it was a few years ago.

I just hate feeling bummed out like I have been. Having sex perks my mood right up though. *laughs* Although that's really nothing new.

Last night was incredible. And I fell asleep with a smile on my face. I woke up in a good mood as well. But as they day has gone on I just feel kind of bummed out. No real rhyme or reason to it.

Oh well, it has to end sometime.

Writing Fiction

Every once and a while I get an urge to write. I don't mean my blog posts. I mean actually sitting down and writing something. I use to write small poems. I never have an urge to write those anymore.

I also use to sit down and try to write stories. I wouldn't call them full on books, but that is something I would love to do. I've always wanted to write a book and have it published. I don't even care if it becomes popular or makes a lot of money. I just want something that was published and has my name on it.

I know I can't make a living on it. But just to hold a book that I wrote, that was published, that has my name listed as author. That would be so.... amazing. Simply amazing.

I've tried to sit down and write a book before. I'd get so far and then I'd hit writer's block and take a step back. Before you know it the next time I try to sit down and continue writing too much time had gone by. Life got in the way. And by that time I would have completely forgotten where the hell I was trying to go with it.

I've recently came upon an idea for a book that I would like to write. It's just an idea. Well, a subject matter really. It would still be fiction, obviously. But I have a main character in mind and half a clue as to where I would take it.

The problem is finding the time to do it. And not just the time to sit down and write the book but to actually do the research on it as well. I told Master about it and He told me that maybe if I just sit down for a little bit each night and then work on it more on the weekends I could get somewhere with it.

I would like to think so but when I stop and think about all the shit that is coming up in the next few months I tend to worry that I wouldn't have time at all and then it would end up like everything else I've started to write. I'm afraid I would end up scrapping it.

On the other hand, I don't know if I don't try. So maybe I will try it. It may never be finished and even if it is it may never be published but at least I could say I tried.

Bald Is Beautiful

Master had me start growing a landing strip a while back. Actually, when I searched for that post so that I could link to it I didn't realize it had been that long. Apparently He had me start growing it out around August 7th. Wow. I mean, He's had me have it for longer but still I didn't realize it had been that long ago.

He knows I hate growing it in. I'm not saying it looks bad but I just prefer being clean shaven. I have shortly after hitting full blown puberty.

I think I first started shaving it all off at about 13. It wasn't anything sexual back then of course. I basically got sick of tired of the mess whenever I got my period. I first got my period right before I turned twelve. I wasn't allowed to use tampons so I was stuck using pads. And the mess from the blood and the pubic hair? Ick. So from that point forward I just always shaved it off. It was cleaner that way to me and also my pubic hair wouldn't get accidentally stuck to the damn pad.

As I've gotten older it has become a sexual preference as well. I think it looks better and is more attractive. So when Master asks me to grow it out I understand why and like I said it's not that I think it looks horrible. I just think it looks better clean shaven.

Anyway, last night after my post I started walking towards the bathroom to go take my shower. I'm half way to the bathroom door and Master says, "By the way, you can shave off your landing strip if you want."

If I want? Hell yes! I ran back to the living room and gave Him a big goofy hug and said thank you. He laughed. He told me that the deciding factor was the fact that the night before, when He went down on me, some of the pubic hair from the landing strip went up His nose. *laughs*

So as I'm taking my shower I start shaving away. Admittedly I was probably a little too happy to be rid of it. I'm fucking weird, I know. By the time I was done I had to throw out the razor blade and put a refill on. It wasn't massive or anything. It was a little wider than usual but other than that.. Just a normal landing strip. The problem is that my pubic hair is rather thick when it does grow in.

When I got out of the shower I had on one of Master's jean shirts which is basically like a dress on me so He told me to open it. He rubbed my skin when He saw the smooth skin. He smiled. I know that He loves me smooth and clean like that. Just every now and again He wants to have me grow the landing strip back.

He told me that He's surprised I didn't beg to shave it off sooner. I told Him that I wasn't sure how it would go if I did. With Him it could have gone one of two ways. One way would be He would allow it. The other way is that He would make me keep it longer simply for asking to shave it off.

Biting

Master and I were both stiff and sore last night due to the weather. But that didn't stop us from having a good time. We sat in the living room for a while and decided to toss on a porno. I think we got through the first scene and then Master ordered me to the bedroom.

Master was in a biting mood last night, not that I minded at all. He nipped on my neck for a little while before molesting my tits and eating me out. I was extremely fucking sensitive afterward and had a difficult time catching my breath. He chuckled at me allowed me to calm down a little bit before telling me to suck His cock. (At least He was thoughtful about it.)

After that bout of foreplay He turned me onto my stomach and fucked the living daylights out of me. He chomped onto the left side of my neck as He ordered me to cum. It amazes me how clearly He can speak when He has a large chunk of my flesh in His mouth.

Needless to say I came shortly after those words reached my ears. After I got off He bit down one more time rather hard and then released my neck from His teeth. He then pinned my shoulders to the bed and filled me with His cum.

I felt absolutely wired afterward. I thought I would be up for hours. It was already 2:30am. But about a half hour after I sat down in the living room I started to crash. So I went to bed after saying goodnight to Him. Today my neck is tender as hell but there is no bruise. I don't understand how there isn't a bruise. But the pain is nice reminder of last night.

Jump Start

Today I have not been able to get jump started. Last night I ended up feeling really sick and actually got sick. I went to take a nap for a little while and I asked Master to wake me up in a couple of hours. That's all I wanted was to sleep for a couple of hours. Apparently my body had other things in mind. Master woke me up about two hours after I fell asleep. I still had to to my bipolar medication after all.

So I took that and sat at the computer for about 10 minutes, checking my e-mail and all that, when I realized that I still didn't feel well. I didn't feel sick to my stomach anymore I just felt really off. I apologized to Master as I had wanted to stay up with Him but He told me there was no need to apologize and to just go ahead and go to bed. He gave me a hug and told me He loves me.

I think I slept a good nine to ten hours straight. I woke up when the dog woke me to take him out. Master got up at the same time. After I got back in from taking the dog Master and I decided to stay up. Even though I had slept so much last night I normally am not up that early on a Saturday.

We had no caffeine in the house and I was feeling a lot better so I ran to the gas station to grab soda and some coffee. When I got back home I surprised Master with McDonald's for breakfast.

Most of the morning was killed by watching Netflix. When He decided to go take His shower I ran to the store to pick up a few things. After all that was said and done we pretty much have lazed about the apartment. I have felt sluggish all day, as has Master.

I think part of it is due to the weather. It's been overcast and raining all day. That always makes me feel lazy yet comfortable. I feel a lot better today I just can't kick into full gear and Master doesn't seem to be able to either.

In fact after dinner while we were watching Netflix Master dozed off in His chairs a couple times and before I knew it Master was waking me up and a couple of hours had passed by. Now here I am knocking out my blog post. Master wants my nightly stuff to be done and out of the way so we can relax the rest of the night.

Feeling Funny

Today practically flew by. I got to work a little early. I didn't have a lot to do so I waited until my normal time to clock in. After that though time just whipped by. Before I knew it I was out of work at noon, dropped off the guy in my carpool, hit the bank and the gas station before finally pulling in at home.

Master and I were able to relax for about an hour before we had to head out again. We got the car an oil change and the tires rotated before heading down to my dad's place.

We had plans to help him take more pictures of items he wants to sell online, but we never got around to it. We were having a really good time just talking and joking around. One of his neighbors popped over for a little bit while we were there. We hadn't seen him in quite some time. So yeah, the pictures never got done but at least everyone enjoyed the visit.

We had to leave sooner than I had anticipated because I suddenly didn't feel well. First off, my blood sugar was acting up and secondly I had asked my dad for a tylenol or something along those lines. He didn't have any and so gave me a pain pill that he takes for his back. It was a really, really low dosage so I took it. Yeah, since then I haven't felt all that great.

I feel kind of out of it and a little nauseous.

When we finally got home I ate dinner and I had a doughnut before we left my dad's place but I still feel really out of it. Remind me to never take another pain pill from my dad.

Tom Boy At Heart

Master and I were talking about BC's wedding yesterday while I was at work. Yes, it was through text and yes I know I'm a horrible person for texting while at work. But it was a slow fucking day and I had all my work done and there was literally nothing for me to do.

Anyway, Master obviously has a tux to wear. I was wracking my brain trying to figure out what I should wear. I don't want to go out and spend money on a new outfit. So I'm thinking and I'm thinking. Master suggests that I wear my wedding dress. Now, my wedding dress is just a regular black dress so it's not like it'd be offensive or anything but I simply do not want my wedding dress associated with someone else's wedding. I'm weird, I know. He saw where I was coming from on that one. So then I suggested that I wear a pair of really tight black pinstripe slacks and one of my nicer tops.

He put the kibosh on that really fast. He basically told me that I was forbidden from wearing pants to the wedding. He then went into how He is sick and tired of me wearing jeans and a t-shirt. He wants me to wear more skirts and dresses and basically anything besides jeans when it's nicer weather.

I did try to wear my dresses more frequently this past summer but it wasn't enough to please Him.

Part of the problem is that I'm a tom boy at heart. I really am, always have been. So dressing like that is second nature. Also? A lot of the dresses that I truly loved I don't have anymore. A couple of them were ruined. I had this gorgeous super tight red dress with a black mesh overlay. I fucking loved that dress. But I was goofing around with our last dog and whoops. His claws ripped the mesh overlay. I wasn't mad. I don't blame the pup at all. It was my own fault. But that was honestly my favorite dress ever. And of course I can't find anything similar to it.

A couple of other ones just got ruined one way or another.

I also hate clothes shopping. I hate it. I hate it to the point that I avoid it as much as possible.

So anyway, Master has forbidden jeans during the summer when it is nice out. He said something along the lines of me having a rocking feminine curvy body and I always hide it with baggy jeans and shirts.

This means that I have to go clothes shopping. We continued talking about it via text. He wants me to buy shorts too. I don't like shorts. I don't know why but I find them uncomfortable. So I asked Master if cloth shorts were okay. His response was that as long as they are form fitting that's fine. He told me I have all fall and winter to start building that wardrobe up. Because basically I need an entirely new wardrobe. At least I can piece meal it together.

It was really sweet of Him to say what He did. It made me feel good to see those words. Receiving a compliment like that from someone you have been with for almost ten years means a lot, ya know?

Okay, so back to the wedding. After that convesation took place I remembered that I still had another black dress in the closet that I haven't worn in forever. Master told me that He wanted to see it before agreeing that I could wear it to the wedding.

So before my shower I went into the closet and sure enough it was there. I brought it out for Master to see. It's a little thicker, almost like a sweater material. But it's super tight and black. I love black clothing. He said He liked it but He would have to see me in it first. So I quickly put it on. It's a dress that you just slip on. His eyes lit up a bit and He said it would be perfect to wear for the wedding.

I didn't remember how short it was though. *laughs* You can see my thigh wrap tattoo, which is kind of high up on my thigh. It ends basically right below my ass. So yeah, Master is pleased with it. I just have to buy some black pantyhose and I'm good. The dress is too short to wear thigh highs.

So, I have an outfit for the wedding and apparently I'll be piecing together a new wardrobe over the next six months or so. 

Grab Your Nikes And Drink The Kool-Aid

I love my Husband. I love Him so much that every year I find it amazing that I have actually grown closer to Him. Why? Because I thought we had already reached that peak. But every year I'm proven wrong because I realize that yes, we are closer than we were this time a year ago.

I am lucky to have found my mate when I was so young. I really am. I have no idea what the hell I would do without Him. I'll fully admit that.

But... (there is always a but) ... I know that I could. I don't want to. I never, ever want to but I know that it would be possible.

So, what started this fucked up thought process? Yes, another thread on Fet. A rather morbid one actually, which is honestly why I started reading it. It was a "What would you do when your Master/Mistress passes away?" as well as a "What have you put in place for your slave when you pass away?"

I told you it was morbid. So many people answered that they don't think they'll be able to go on living. Me? I won't have a choice in the matter. If He passes first I know that I will have to continue to care for our animals and to move forward with my life. I know that He wouldn't want me to give up on everything and just crawl into a dark hole somewhere never to return. I may do that for a while, admittedly. I will say that I will never be Owned again and I have no intentions what so ever of searching for another romantic partner.

I think I'll end up being a lot like my grandfather. His wife (my grandmother) has been gone for 19 years, soon to be 20. He lives. He does what he needs to do. He has never gone on one single date and he still celebrates their wedding anniversary. He just goes through his life and takes care of his dog. Yep. That will be me. That is, as I said, if He passes away first. Which He damn well better not any time fucking soon.

Okay.. so where is the kool-aid comment coming from? So many people on that thread were saying how they just couldn't possibly continue to live in any way, shape, or form. That serving them is their one and only purpose in this life.

I do believe that I was always meant to be with Master. I truly do. I do not believe that our dynamic was written in the stars though. That is something that we entered into on our own because that is how we naturally interact with one another and basically it's what gets us off.

They refer to the fact that they are so dependent on their Owner that they literally cannot function without them. It's as if they walked up to their Owner wearing Nikes and a jumpsuit, were handed a dixie cup full of kool-aid and went "Okay!" and did it like a shot.

I am dependent on Master, but not to the point where I literally cannot make any decisions without Him. I am not a robot. I am not mindless. That isn't what He would want me to be like, which is a good thing because I don't want to be like that either.

I know everyone has different kinks but to me this goes beyond the kink territory and enters into a rather scary realm of what the fuck.

Time Travel

Lately, when I've been reading on Fet I come across these threads where there is a large range of where people seem to be in their relationships. Whether it's how long they have been together or how long they've been in the lifestyle. Either way I read some of the things they write and I realize that some of it reminds me of what Master and I used to be like when we were first together and started on this path of kink.

The lifestyle and the relationship honestly started pretty much at the same time. I would say that we were only together for about four or five months (if that) before we started dipping our toes into the kinky side of things. This actually surprises me looking back as neither of us had that kind of relationship before. So not only were we new to one another we were both new to the lifestyle in general.

But you know how it is, when you're first together it's that whole nothing can/will go wrong. Everything is perfect. Not true, but whatever. Thankfully Master and I have been able to get through all of the peaks and valleys. All of the sinkholes and windstorms... you get the picture.

In regards to kink we were both just kind of grabbing at straws in the beginning. We would read up on things and go, "Oh... so that's what is supposed to happen." Yeah. Supposed to. Those words just dripped off my fingertips and onto this blog. That shit just happened.

But when you're so new and you have no idea where to begin that's kind of what happens. But as time progressed we tossed all the shit that wasn't working for us or didn't make sense to us. We let it all fade away and were left with how we wanted things to be.

Eventually you get out of that whole mindset that there is some kind of guidebook. There is no guidebook and if anyone tells you differently they are dirty rotten liars. There can be things that inspire you or causes a light bulb to go off in your head but that's about it. Your kink is your kink and my kink is my kink. As long as no one is getting hurt (you know what I mean) then I'm all good with it.

It still amazes me though, to look back and see how far we've come and how much has changed over the years. I don't think about it often at all but sometimes when I'm reading something that someone else is writing I think to myself, "I remember what that was like." or "I remember when I used to think that way."

I don't know if anyone else ever comes across something like that but I find it kind of interesting when I do.

A Little Bit Of Both

I'm not one of those girls that prefers things gentle, most of the time. But there are some things that Master does that are on the gentle side that I love. Especially when He follows it up with some rough stuff. *laughs*

Last night Master and I were sitting in the living room watching TV and out of nowhere I looked at Him and asked if He would brush my hair. Yes, I know I'm a grown woman and can brush my own hair. But to me it's a treat for Master to do it. I find it incredibly relaxing and oddly enough very... affectionate? I guess that's the word I'm looking for. He kind of chuckled at me (He does that a lot) and told me to go ahead and get my hair brush. So I quickly go to the bathroom, grab the hair brush, and then plop down in front of His chair. He gathered up my hair and brushed it. I melted. I truly did.

It seems so silly, and I'm sure to some people it would seem rather stupid but I love it when He brushes me hair. Hell, even just running His fingers through it. So relaxing. And I am lucky to have a Master that is willing to do these kind of things because He knows I enjoy it so much.

I think if you were to ask a lot of boyfriends/husbands/etc. that, they would look at you like you had grown a third arm or something. But not my Master. He just chuckles at me.

Later on in the night we go to the bedroom to fool around. He isn't really rough or anything of that nature but I'm always hyper sensitive when I'm on the rag, so just Him going balls deep is enough to fill that rough stuff quota for me sometimes. Last night was one of those times. It felt amazing. I can't lie. The sex was incredible.

So last night I got a little from column A and a little from column B. I'm a happy girl.

Down Time

Today has been a really lazy and comfortable day. Honestly we haven't done much all weekend and I am not complaining about that one little bit. I slept until 11:30am today. I think I went to bed around 2am with a short nap on the couch somewhere in between there. Master understood. He knows how stressed I've been and honestly that stress isn't over so the down time is much needed.

After all the holiday season is quickly approaching and November is going to be crazy busy.

Let's see here. Okay, so the first weekend of November is BC's wedding. The week after that my brother is staying for the whole weekend. The week after that is Thanksgiving.

So yeah, November should go by extremely fast. I still have no idea what I'm wearing for BC's wedding. I'm probably going to wear slacks and a nice top. *shrugs* I know I have to dress nice, but that doesn't mean I have to wear a dress. I've already told Master that I most likely will not be eating at the reception. I have a very sensitive stomach and I have no idea what they are having. If I feel I can eat it then I will but I most likely will not just to be on the safe side.

The weekend my brother comes up we don't really have any plans to do anything. My brother is more than fine with just hanging out at the apartment, which is cool.

For Thanksgiving it'll be dinner at my mom's and maybe a visit to my dad's first. I'm not entirely sure yet.

Then before ya know it, it'll be December.

So yeah, I'll take the down time when I can get it.

Creative

Last night I asked Master if He wanted me to dress up for Him. He said yes. I told Him I had an idea in my head as to what to wear but that I would have to piece it together and that I wanted to surprise Him. No peeking! He chuckled and said that would be fine.

So I went into the bedroom and grabbed the pieces I would need and hurried off to the bathroom. After I was done with my shower I closed the bathroom door (I'm not allowed to have the bathroom door closed while I'm taking a bath or shower) and put on some eyeliner. That took a little longer than usual as I couldn't get the damn lines straight. So finally I get that done and then start to put on the lingerie ensemble that I had put together.

I slipped on a black mini skirt, after that I put on my leg warmers. I slipped those up a little bit, put on my heels and then stretched the bottom of the leg warmers over the heels. I then grabbed a cute little top and I was ready to show Master.

He was extremely happy with how it looked. We relaxed for a little while before heading off to the bedroom. He pinned me down and chewed on my neck for a little while. As He slid down and started sucking and nipping my tits I couldn't help but start to melt already. I was in a rough mood and He knows exactly how to satisfy that.

He chewed on my nipples and then bit the skin under my tits. That is a very, very sensitive area. I fully admit that I whimpered and squeaked when He did that. After that He ate me out and after I came He continued to gently finger me and suck on my clit. Normally I'm way too sensitive for that and will attempt to back away as quickly as possible. But for some reason last night it felt amazing and I came again rather quickly.

He fucked me roughly and put me in some rather interesting positions that just made His cock go in deeper. It was one of those, just when you thought that it couldn't get any deeper, suddenly it's possible. It's a shock every time that happens.

He allowed me to cum over and over again until finally He filled me with His. I went to bed shortly there after but Master was wired as He had an entire pot of coffee within three hours so yeah, there was no way in hell that man was going to bed anytime soon.

When I fell asleep it was with a smile on my face and the smell of sex in the air. I can't think of a better way to end a Friday night.

Visit From My Baby Brother

I have one brother, my baby brother. It's actually kind of funny that I'm the eldest. I'm shorter than him and I look younger than him, oddly enough. It doesn't help that we don't look a lot alike. We've been hanging out and about before and people don't even consider the fact that we're related. We have the same mom and dad, so it's kind of weird. *shrugs*

Anyway, he'll be coming up early in November. He wants to stay Friday and Saturday and then go home sometime late morning on that Sunday. Unfortunately the only weekend he could do it is one of the weeks where I work the entire Friday. So I told him that if we do it that way I won't be getting down to him until about 7pm and we'd be getting back to my place around 8pm.

Normally I pick him up and drop him back off to help save him on gas money. But he wants to drive up this time, which is fine. That way he can get here and be here either by the time I get home from work or shortly there after. If he gets here a little early, no biggie.

So it's all set in stone! My brother pisses me the hell off sometimes but I'm honestly really protective of him. And now that we're older we get along a hell of a lot better. We use to be at each others throats when we were growing up and until about the time I turned 19 or 20 we started getting along pretty well.

It's even better now because we're both older and while we still act like brother and sister we can also chill and hang out rather than always having to annoy the hell out of one another.

It's a good thing that Master gets along with my brother so well. Not only because it makes my life easier but also because my brother adores my Husband. He looks up to Him and loves the fact that he has a brother-in-law. (He always wanted a brother...)

So if my brother comes up and stays the night or something and I want to go to bed but the men folk don't want to, I don't have to worry about them pissing each other off. They can sit and watch a movie or play video games together and act like good friends. Also? I don't have to worry about Master bitching up a storm that my brother is there. *laughs*

Reward Points

I was reading a thread on Fet about a rewards based system for a slave's behavior. Basically you earn points by behaving yourself and when you have enough points you can "cash them in".

I was reading this and I didn't really understand it. I mean, I'm supposed to behave. That's part of my role, ya know? You shouldn't have to bribe me to get those results. I am not the perfect slave and yes I can be a brat and yes I fuck up. Duh. But Master has never bribed me.

He has "rewarded" me in other ways though. And they are rather random. There is no way for me to mark progress or anything like that. Just one day He'll decide that I deserve a little something extra. That's normally when He'll hop in the shower with me and wash my hair or He'll give me a full body massage.

They are wonderful things and I cherish them when they do happen. I don't consider them a bribe though. There is no guarantee on it happening. There is no way for me to track my progress. Basically if He thinks I deserve it and the mood hits Him I get pampered a bit.

I'm not sure I'm getting my point across very well though. My brain is kind of grinding it's gears lately.

I guess what I'm trying to say is that if you have to bribe a slave to get them to behave, then it doesn't make sense to me. If your Master randomly decides to pamper you a bit that's not a bribe.

Wow. I'm more spacey than I thought I was. I started this post off with a whole thought process but now? Apparently it fizzled.

Fuck.

I think it just kind of reminds me of a kid getting rewarded for doing chores. When you're younger you sometimes get the incentive by receiving money or a special treat because you did your chores, or you got good grades. But you're a kid. You're an adult now. You shouldn't require that anymore. It's not a job. Well, it is, but it doesn't come with a paycheck and health insurance.

And even at a job if you tried to say, "Well I'm not doing my job now because you're not paying me enough." Guess what? You're most likely going to be fired.

If I tried to walk up to Master and say, "I want to start earning points so I can do x, y, z otherwise I'm not going to behave myself at all..." Well, He'd probably laugh His ass off and then grab my throat and squeeze until I was to my knees looking up at Him trying to breathe while He says something along the lines of, "You wanna try that again?"

Yeah. It wouldn't turn out well at all.

On My Mind

There are a lot of things on my mind lately. I'm going to go into the whole list because some of it isn't meant for the blog and some of it seems so trivial. But oh well. I'm stressed and I don't know how to handle some of it. My meds are holding. I still have a firm grip on my emotions. I mean I'm irritable every now and then, but it's weird. It's like an on and off switch. But it's not drastic and it's not overwhelming, so at least that much.

I know it's showing through too. I've talked to Master about it and I'm keeping Him as updated as possible with where my mood is at. He seems grateful for that. There was a time where I would keep Him in the dark about it because I didn't want Him to worry. I'm keeping as far away from that as I possibly can.

I mean, if I don't know exactly what is bothering me I tell Him that. But eventually, when I do figure it out, I talk to Him about it. It's not like He can wave a magic wand and make it all better but my telling Him is a hell of a lot better than Him wondering why I'm being so damn moody.

I would say it's moody. I wouldn't put it under the bipolar "category" because as I said it's not drastic and I don't think I'm being irrational at all. Master hasn't said anything to that effect either. And trust me, He has no problem telling me that He thinks I'm over reacting.

As a result though my mind isn't as focused when I get home. I just want to shut my brain off for a little while. It doesn't always work but tonight I'm just trying to be as relaxed as possible.

Under The Gun

We've been watching LA Ink on Netflix a lot lately. We just got another full season released for streaming so that's why we've been watching it. The only bad thing about watching that show is that it makes me want to get under that tattoo gun really, really badly.

Master still has a tattoo that needs to be fixed. And I promised Him that His would get fixed before I got my 13th one. My goal is to hit 13 and then stop. Hopefully I can stick to that and then just go back and touch up some of my older tattoos that I got before I knew what proper tattoo care was. They aren't seriously fucked up but I want them touched up. That will happen after number 13.

Ideally we would get it done at the same time, but I don't know how feasible that is financially. Especially since I don't know how much that would cost. I know I could just walk into the parlor that I normally go to and ask for a quote but as soon as I walk into a tattoo parlor I get that itch and sometimes I'll get upset because I know I can't get it right then and there. I know, patience is not in my vocabulary as soon as I walk into a tattoo shop. Hell, it's barely there just talking about what tattoo I want to get next. Yes, I know, I'm horrible. *laughs*

I know exactly what I want and where I am going to get it. I've had my eye on this really beautiful and romantic looking skull and rose design. I want it not only because it's goregouse but also because it reminds me of my favorite Edgar Allan Poe poem. I was originally thinking about putting a line of the poem in there as well but have decided that it would look better without it. Plus, I'll know what it means and it'll be an interesting story to tell if anyone asks.

It is going to be in the most visible place I've ever had a tattoo. Right now I can hide every single one of my tattoos simply by wearing pants and a short sleeve shirt. But my 13th I want on the inside of my right forearm. This means that I won't be able to hide it without long sleeve shirts. I had been playing with the idea of a wrist tattoo but couldn't think of anything that I would really love, and trust me I looked and thought about it a lot. And I had been wanting this particular skull and rose design for a long time, I just couldn't think of a place to put it.

So I figured, fuck it, it'll be my 13th tattoo and I might as well pick a spot that is harder to cover up. I'll wear long sleeve shirts to work in the middle of summer if I have to. I don't care! I don't want it in color. I want it in black and gray.

So while I was talking to Master I thought of just sending an e-mail to the tattoo parlor to get a ballpark price quote that way so I don't torture myself and I can start saving up for it.

I want to save up enough so that we can get both done at the same time. The only problem is that my brother wants to come up for a weekend next month and wants Master and I to get ink with him. Um, yeah. That's highly unlikely at this point. But who knows. Maybe I can pull something off, at least so Master can get His arm tattoo touched up. I just got a tattoo earlier this year, so it's His turn!