Tomorrow Is Going To Suck

And it's going to suck hardcore.

Today, shortly after we had gotten up, before Master went to go take His shower, we had a talk. It was about our pup, Ghost. He's not really a pup anymore. He's 11.

This talk was started because Ghost had yet another accident in the apartment. For the past few months it has been more and more frequent. He can't seem to control his bowel movements anymore. We take him out plenty of times during the day. We keep a close eye on him to see if he's acting like he has to go. But the accidents continue to happen, again and again.

So we started talking about Ghost's age and what is best for him. Ghost has had a bad hip for some time now, since the surgery that was done to remove a tumor from his back leg. We've given him supplements to help with health joints and arthritis. They seemed to work for a while, but not much anymore.

He has fat tumors, and is getting another one.

When he has his accidents, or goes outside it's not "normal" at all most times. He is sleeping more and more. In fact for about the past two months he's been sleeping 90% of the day. He's not as active as he use to be.

He's having more problems walking and jumping up onto the couch or bed.

He's starting to separate himself from the rest of the "pack". Ghost is normally a very social animal. But now? Once he's done his rounds to make sure everyone is okay and getting some pets here and there, he goes back to the bedroom and just lays in there. We encourage him to come out and spend time in the living room with us, but after about 15-20 minutes of that, he gets up and excuses himself to the bedroom again. Master and I both know that with canines, with they sense that they are starting to go they will cut themselves off from the pack, for the most part. It's sad as hell, but true.

There are more things going on.

So this talk led to the thought of maybe it is time to let him go. We don't want to put him through a lot of tests or treatments. It wouldn't be fair to him. He wouldn't understand what is going on. As is, when he has problems getting up off the floor or jumping up onto the bed or couch he looks at us like "Why is this happening?" and it breaks our hearts.

I told Master that the decision ultimately lies with Him. Master has had Ghost since Ghost was 10 months old. I came into the picture when Ghost was 4 years old, and didn't start living with him full time until he was around 6 or 7.

So as much as I love Ghost, and consider him to be our dog.. in reality he is and always has been Master's dog. I told Master that I would back His decision 100%.

We both cried and have continued to cry on and off throughout the day. Master told me that we would go to the vet's office tomorrow and talk with them. Originally Master said He would just go, since I am scheduled to work tomorrow. But He also said that if the vet agreed, He would put Ghost down that day because He doesn't want to drag it out. And I want to be there. I don't want Ghost to think I didn't care, or that work was more important.

I have vacation days. I'll be using one tomorrow. I wish they allowed mourning leave in these type of situations. I know Master is going to be a wreck, and I know I will be as well. But I also know that I can't take many days off right now. I'm not trying to say that my job is more important, but the reality is that we need my paycheck. It's a sucky reality, but a reality none the less.

Master told me that He's been tossing this idea around in His head for about two months now. He hadn't said anything because He wanted to be sure first.

So tomorrow, we are going to the vet's office. It's going to tear us apart, but we don't want to be selfish and make Ghost suffer.