March 30, 2010

No Title

Last night Master and I went to bed, and curled up tight before attempting to drift off to sleep. When I did sleep, I didn't dream and I didn't stir that I know of.

When my alarm went off this morning I sat up, turned it off, and thought about calling in again today. But I looked at Master, who was laying next to me sleeping, and remembered that He told me last night that He wanted me to at least try and go to work.

Well, waking up and deciding to call in last minute is not trying.

So I went into the living room and started getting ready for work.

MZ and AM picked me up. I cried on the way to work a bit. I'm not comfortable with crying in front of people, unless it's my Husband or my mother. Everyone else? It makes me cringe to even think about crying in front of other people. That is unless my emotions just overwhelm me so much that there is no containing it. They let me be, and stayed quiet for most of the ride to work.

The rest of the day at work when I started crying either I did it very quietly, or I went to the bathroom and shut myself off in one of the stalls. I took my lunch break early because I needed to gather myself, and I wanted some fresh air.

Master and I talked on and off throughout the day. I was honestly surprised that I didn't start begging Him to come pick me up. But I know we need the money, and I know that I needed to get through the day. I didn't want to make Master drive 45 minutes just to pick me up. So I toughed it out.

I'm proud of myself.

When I got home we had dinner and we talked.

I'm mentally exhausted, but I'm not tired. I know I need to get up early tomorrow morning, but I don't really give a fuck about that right now. I know no matter how tired I am, I'll drag my ass out of bed and go to work and down a lot of caffeine if that's what I need to do to get my job done.

Master doesn't want me talking to V (the really annoying coworker I am forever bitching about) anymore unless it is directly work related. She is not a healthy influence at all. All she ever does is piss me off, try to drag me into her drama, attempt to force her ideals on me, and stress me the fuck out. So while normally I can come home and make fun of her with Master. It's not worth the five minutes of amusement. At least not anymore.

So I won't be. Just because I work with her doesn't mean I have to pretend to be her friend.

In fact while I was posting this Master just quizzed me. "And how are you going to respond the next time V starts giving you shit?" .... "Not to talk to me unless it's work related, Sir." .... "Very good."

He just elaborated on why He wants me to phrase it that way. This way, if she decides to going to our supervisor and complain saying I'm giving her attitude, and he asks what I'm saying, it won't sound like I'm being a bitch. It'll make it sound like I'm focusing on my work, and she won't have a leg to stand on.

This is much better than how I would like to handle the situation. Especially right now. I would love, love, love to just lash out right now. But I can't. I can't risk my job over some piece of trash like her. *nods*

** Also, I just wanted to say thank you all, each and every one of you, who has offered a kind word, shared their experiences, and kept us in their thoughts. We both greatly appreciate it. I'm just not up to answering each comment individually.

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