Docile and Playful

It's amazing sometimes what can knock me into a docile mode for an extended period of time. Master and I have amazing sex all the time. I'm not trying to brag or anything, it's just fact.

Well, last night Master had told me to dress up for Him. He specified that He wanted some form of stockings. That does include body stockings. So I picked one out before I took my shower. Once my shower was done I dried off and put the body stocking on. It is of course crotchless. What's the point of a body stocking if it's not crotchless? But it also allowed my breasts to be free. Master was very pleased with my choice.

I lounged on the couch while we watched TV but I ended up dozing off. There I am, laying on the couch in lingerie and I nod off. Really? *sigh* I guess I just got too comfortable. Master woke me up right around bedtime and told me to go to the bedroom.

I set my alarm and He climbed into bed next to me. I was still kind of sleepy but that didn't last long. He quickly molested my tits with His teeth and tongue. That will wake anyone up. It felt incredible. He would go from nice and gentle to extremely rough with no rhyme or reason. He kept my nerve endings lit up, that's for damn sure.

He then had me slide up the bed so He could lay between my legs and eat me out. I am very lucky to have a Master who actually enjoys going down. It didn't take very long for me to peak into a very strong orgasm. I was breathing rather heavily when He was done.

He knelt up, grabbed my legs and forced me to flip onto my stomach before then grabbing my hips an putting me on all fours. Once He had me in that position He put His hands in between my shoulder blades and pushed so that my ass was in the air and my face was to the mattress.

He was very rough when entering me. I was very tight from the strong orgasm I just had so I was also very sensitive. He ordered me to cum several times before using me for His pleasure only. He didn't say I was just a toy, He just never told me to cum. So I had to bite down and keep it back. I had curved my feet in such a way that my toes rubbed against the underside of His balls. I made sure to keep them that way when I heard Him growl the first time. I still had the body stocking on so I'm sure that added some interesting texture to it. Whatever it felt like He was very obviously enjoying it.

After He filled me with my reward we both plopped onto the bed. He held me for a little while after allowing me to take off the body stocking. He then kissed my forehead and told me to go to sleep.

Today I have felt very docile, but still a bit playful. I don't know if it's just because that's how I woke up today or if it's a continuation from last night. Either way, I'm enjoying it.

Disrespect

Today was rough. Master had allowed me to stay up a little late last night, which I appreciated. And He used me before I had to drift off to sleep. That isn't why today was rough. Today was rough because it's a fucking Monday. On top of that the work day went by slow as shit and the passenger in my carpool was a whiny little bitch boy.

He was bitchy for several reasons. One of them was because of work shit. I may whine on this blog about my job and I'll whine to Master. But other than that, I don't. To me, it is acceptable to whine on this blog. It's my blog after all and Master has told me to use it to vent if I need to. And for the past week or so I have definitely felt that need.With Master I can whine to Him about such things because He is my Master and my Husband. He is my sounding board just as much as I am His.

Bitching to anyone else aside from maybe my mother from time to time just seems... I honestly can't even put my finger on the word I want to use here. Annoying. Irritating. Stupid. I have no idea. All I do know is that I would feel like an annoying whiner if I went to everyone bitching about how work is treating me.

The other reason he was a whiny little bitch boy is because he was supposed to quit smoking cigarettes before he married his now wife. That was three years ago. (I know this because we were in a different carpool at the time and he told everyone in the carpool.) Well, he didn't. He only smokes at work now, but he didn't quit like he had promised his wife.

So, anyway, she has now paid off two of their credit cards and cut them up as apparently they are trying to cut their bills down. But, as a result, it's extremely difficult for him to sneak two packs of cigs a week under her nose financially. So he was whining about that. To me, he is getting what he deserves. He had made a promise and she had said she wouldn't marry him until he quit smoking. They've been married for three years and he is still doing it. That's just disrespectful to me. And I don't even like his wife. I've met her. She's a fucking snob. But that's still disrespectful.

I know Master is in charge. There is no doubt about that. But I couldn't tell you how hurt I would be if He had promised me that he would stop doing something and then I found out that in fact He had continued to do it behind my back for years. It would be painful for me. Just because we have the dynamic we have doesn't mean I don't expect Him to keep His promises. The serious ones. Not, "I'm sorry babe I know I promised I would run to the store but I forgot." That's day to day shit. I mean serious stuff. And making a promise like described above, that's serious shit.

I don't know why I'm rambling about this. I guess that I just really can't stand if when someone is being disrespectful to their spouse. Another good example is BC. He disrespects his wife in different ways. Like making it visible when he starts following some kink related group, which both Master and I know that she isn't in to.

I don't like HC, his wife. Not even a little bit. But it's still makes that, "Dude... Really? That's not right." reaction kick up in me a little.

Annoyed

I feel like I haven't had a weekend. Which is kind of weird. I mean, yes I worked yesterday for 4 1/2 hours. But after I got home and a few hours went by I had to take a nap for an hour and a half. Once Master woke me up we stayed up until 3:30am. Then today we slept until noon. I had been hoping to get up sooner than that because right then and there half my day is gone.

We both quickly got ready as we had plans to go see my mother today. We were supposed to be there by 1pm or so. We made it on time because we had rushed. We had a good visit though. Once we got home we had errands to run and once those were all done we were finally to relax.

At one point Master suggested we go sit outside. That sounded like a nice idea. I asked "Just us or are we bringing the dog out too?"

He said just us. Okay cool. I love sitting out with the dog too but it's nice when it's just the two of us because then we don't have to tell the dog to behave when he gets excited because brats are running up and down the sidewalk.

We were out for a few moments and then one of our neighbors came over to sit with us. Okay. No biggie. Then his wife came over. Okay. That's cool too. We do it to that particular couple too. If we notice they are outside and feel social we'll walk over and ask if they mind company. Next thing I know we have six people in the yard with us.

Normally I wouldn't care, honestly. But there were two things about it that annoyed me. One, I haven't had much of a weekend and it was getting a little late. I had been hoping to just spend some down time with Master. Now it's a whole group. I didn't say anything but it was a little annoying. But it didn't seriously annoy me until a former neighbor who moved up north last fall sat down. We had all talked about keeping in touch. She has been in town several times and never said anything. Another former neighbor who we hung out with a lot has done the same. They'll visit one of our neighbors from the "group" last year but then no one says anything about it and we are none the wiser until after the fact.

That shit pisses me off. The only reason they sat down today is because we were outside and the neighbors they came to visit were sitting with us. AK (one of the former neighbors) bothers me more than the other one. AK bothers me because I don't normally befriend women. I prefer to hang out with guys. I have more the mentality of a dude than I do a chick, so it's just more comfortable for me.

But I had befriended her and had tried to keep in contact but got nothing in return. And when she asked me how work was I said, "It's there." and left it at that.

I am very quick to cut people out. I have no problem doing so. And so I'm cutting myself off from that person. That doesn't mean that if we go outside to visit a neighbor and she is over there that I won't go to hang out. But today was the first time I'd seen her since she moved and the way she acted just made me hit a mood that was not pleasant.

The entire time she was sitting there she came off as fake and only talking to the people she had come over to visit. You are in my yard, bitch. Don't fucking ignore me until you feel like acknowledging my presence for five seconds. No. It was getting close the 8pm. I was done. I stood up and said I was going in. She said, "It was nice seeing you." Cunt. So I responded with, "Bye everyone."

I immediately hopped in the shower. I knew I was annoyed and that I had unintentionally allowed it to negatively affect how I was reacting to Master. I was calmer afterward. Water is therapeutic for me for some reason. I told Master why I had been annoyed and apologized to Him for allowing to to impact how I was reacting to Him.

It's already 9pm and I feel like I'm being rushed off to work. Not by Master but by the fact that I know it's Sunday night already and I know Master will make me go to bed at a half way decent hour. *sigh* I understand why, I just want to stay up to feel more relaxed and like I actually had a weekend for a little while longer before I have to start a whole new work week.

Boring

I feel like I'm a very boring individual lately. Between stress about the car a few days ago and then trying to bust my tail getting enough hours in at work, I don't seem to have any energy or mental capacity to be interesting.

I haven't had any interesting thoughts about the lifestyle or dynamic. I've pretty much been just going to work and sleeping. And in between those times I've been pretty much brain dead. Yay or something. It's effecting my blogging, obviously. And I'm sure I'm pretty boring in general at the moment. I know I haven't been of much use/help to Master. By use I mean I haven't been doing much of anything aside from sleeping or being a bump on the couch. As far as help I mean He'll ask me what I want to do, during the brief moments I'm awake, and I have no bloody idea.

None. I know I'm not depressed. Although it seems somewhat similar. When I'm depressed all I do is sleep and sit there in a daze. When I'm stressed the fuck out or just over tired for more than a day, I pretty much have the same "symptoms". It's just without the whole woe is me feeling and depressed/depressing thought pattern.

Odd.

I never really made that connection until I started typing it out. But, like I said, I know I'm not in one of my depressed slumps. I'm just trying to mentally recover from all the bullshit that's been going on this week. And when I'm doing that I just feel like a zombie most of the time.

I don't even know where to go with that. I know that tonight Master is pretty bored and I kind of am too, but I have no suggestions as to what to do, what to watch, etc. I'm sure that's frustrating for Him. It's frustrating for me too, just in a different way. 

Bedtime

I'm still kind of in that whole zombie mode. It's carried over into today apparently and only got worse as the day went on. I feel spread out. Like I can't get all of my thoughts collected enough to go somewhere with them.

You would think it wouldn't be all that bad. It's not that I'm getting enough sleep, because that's not the case. If it was, that would at least make sense. It's just the fact that I'm getting up so damn early and then staying at work that whole time. Tomorrow I won't be getting up as early, but I still have to go in. A thought had briefly entered my head while I was talking to Master while I was at work. I figured that if I stayed at work today until 9 or 10pm then I wouldn't have to go in tomorrow. It sounded good in theory at the time. Master thought it did too for a split second before He realized that meant I wouldn't get getting home until almost 11pm tonight and having to wait so long before I got to eat dinner.

So that thought was tossed right out. My blood sugar can be a problem, which means that if I were shaky and/or light headed driving wouldn't be a very good idea. And honestly, after thinking about it for a minute, it wouldn't have been a good idea anyway. I would have been even more spacey than I am now, which also probably wouldn't have been a good idea when I had a 45 minute drive ahead of me.

I'm not quite that desperate to get out of working on a Saturday. It's just the fact that I know this weekend is going to fly by. But at least next weekend is my 2 1/2 day weekend.

Master says I have a normal bedtime tonight due to my having to get up and go to work tomorrow. Normally on Friday nights I can stay up until He goes to bed. It looks like Saturday night will be the only night I can do that this week.

I know it all sounds extremely trivial and petty. I get that. Poor me, right? Well, I'm allowed to whine on my blog. So I'm doing that.

Zombie

I got up at 4am today. That was rough. On weekends I'll sometimes stay up that late for crying out loud. So when the alarm went off and I looked at the clock if was very tempting to set it for an hour later and fall back asleep. But I don't want to spend my entire Saturday at work, so I crawled out of bed. Apparently I accidentally woke up Master because He came stumbling out into the living room asking what I was doing up so damn early. I had told Him last night that I was going in early today but I didn't say what time. So I just explained that I was going into work. I gave Him a hug and He stumbled back to bed, His eyes barely open.

The day seemed insanely long. Then again it was. I'll be doing it again tomorrow and going into work on Saturday for about 5 hours.

One thing I found odd though is that I felt okay when I was at work. I felt a little worn down but I wasn't exhausted. I didn't feel all that sore.

That is, until I got in the car for the ride home. Then I started to notice how stiff my lower back was. And by the time I walked in the apartment door my back hurt, my calves hurt and my fucking feet hurt. I'm sure they did all day, but I didn't notice until I was able to relax.

After dinner Master and I chilled and watched a movie. I sprawled out on the couch trying to relieve some of the pain and soreness. It would help one part but not the other, so I was shifting a lot. I still don't really feel tired. I feel exhausted but not tired as in I need to fall asleep. I'm sure that'll hit in a few hours. For right now I'm just in a haze it seems. My thoughts feel like they are in a fog. It's weird.

Decision Made

Well, the decision of whether or not to go into work today once our car was done was made for me. They had originally told me the car would be ready by noon. So, last night I had made the decision that if I got the car before noon I would go into work. After that, it would be up in the air depending on the time.

Noon came and went, so I called the shop. Apparently they were waiting to get the car back from the realignment place they had sent her to. Oh. Okay.  At least it was an answer. But then 2pm started to creep around so I called again. They told me that they had just sent someone to go pick her up because they had just gotten the call that she was ready. They then told me to stand in front of our place in about 15 minutes so someone could pick me up and bring me to the shop.

Well, it took longer than 15 minutes for them to get here. Not because of anything they did but because there was an accident on a major street between the shop and our place. The lady who had given me a ride yesterday is the one who picked me up today.

I got there and they apologized a few times about it being so much later than they had quoted but apparently the place they had sent her to for the realignment had been backed up quite a bit, which meant they had to wait on them which meant I was waiting as well.

I wasn't mad or anything. You can't rush car repairs. Well, you can but it's never a good idea to do so. Since I didn't actually get the car back until about 2:30pm I had decided to just not go to work today. It didn't make much sense to really.

On the way home I stopped at the gas station and put gas in her. I also got Master a cup of coffee. We were out and needed to go grocery shopping but since He hadn't had any coffee yet today He was dragging ass. So I figured getting Him a cup of coffee from the gas station would be a good idea.

She drove wonderfully. Although now that her steering is fixed and her alignment has been done her steering is a lot more sensitive, so I'll have to get use to that. I stopped and gave Master His coffee. We had a couple of errands to run so He had some of His coffee in order to get Himself online and then brought it with Him as we headed out the door about 20 minutes later.

We went to the pet store and grocery shopping and came right back home. Master drove that time and He agreed that she handles a lot better. When we got home we ate dinner and watched a movie. For whatever reason I passed out on the couch, which means sleeping tonight will be fun seeing as I only got up about a half hour ago and that was only because Master decided my nap had been long enough.

I'm not looking forward to working this Saturday, but I don't really have a choice in the matter. I'm just glad the car is home and is fixed.

Can't Decide

Today was... difficult. I had talked to Master last night about how if the car was still making the loud power steering noises and was still hard to turn sometimes by the time I got to work I would be leaving work early to go back to the mechanic. They had wanted me to stop by after work today anyway in order to take a look at her anyway to make sure everything was okay. But I got anxious as I was getting worried. What if that quick fix on Friday didn't work?

So I called the mechanic and asked when I could come in. I wanted to get there as early as possible as I was starting to worry more and more. They told me I could stop by anytime I wanted. So I made a quick decision to leave at noon. It was a lot earlier than I had anticipated but my worry got the best of me. I had already talked to my supervisor and he said I could make up the time and then some.

Okay cool. So, off to the mechanic's I go. And it's not good news. Her rack and pinion needed to be fully replaced. Fuck me. Add to the fact that I already knew that the outer tie rods on both sides needed to be replaced. The dollar signs kept passing through my head.

So I made a few calls. I couldn't keep driving her like that without putting myself in more and more danger. Let alone her being on the interstate five days a week with a forty-five minute trip one way. I was able to scrape the funds together and told them to do it all. Go big or go home I guess. I think our account cried a little once that charge came through. Although honestly, they gave me one hell of a deal. We've been going to them for quite some time now and being loyal apparently pays off. They cut the bill damn near in half of what it normally would have been. And even the original price would have been less than what other places had quoted me. That doesn't mean it was cheap, but it was less painful than it could have been.

She should be done by noon tomorrow morning. So I obviously won't be at work tomorrow morning. The only thing I'm trying to figure out is whether I should still go to work tomorrow after I get the car back. If it's at noon, I'll be going out to work for 4 hours basically. I would still need to leave on time as things need to be done. Plus, I would have to go to work Saturday. Or, just take the whole day off tomorrow, unpaid, and still go into work on Saturday. Either way I lose my Saturday and go into work at the ass crack of dawn Wednesday, Thursday, and Friday.

One way I save more personal time but spend more in gas. The other way I use more personal time but save gas money. It fucking sucks either way. I've asked Master's opinion, as well as my mother's and my father's. Master says whatever makes more sense to me. My mom and dad seem to agree that I should just take the whole day off. (The first time they have agreed on anything in more than a decade, even if they don't know it since they are no longer married so I obviously asked them separately.)

I still can't seem to make up my mind. I have a feeling I won't be making the decision until the car is back in my possession.

This is the second time this year the car has kept me out of work though. The transmission issue was only a few months ago and I was out of work for three days for that. This time it's half of this day and at least half of tomorrow. I really hope she behaves herself now.

Ups & Downs

I have been trying to stay away from stress and work posts. I really, really have. But right now, I just need to get this one out of my head and onto a screen. 

This weekend has had it's ups and downs. Friday was all over the fucking place. Yesterday was relaxing. Today? Again, all over the place. Nothing really happened today honestly, to make it go up and down. It's simply the fact that we allowed ourselves to realize how much some of the car repairs are going to cost us. She needs a couple more things done right now. However, they have to be put off until we have the funds up.

Which means, not right now. Which also means we'll be taking it as easy on the car as we can. However, I still have to take her to and from work. Work is a forty-five minute drive one way. Nothing like putting a shit ton more wear and tear on your car when you know shit needs to be done on it.

I've already had a talk with the passenger in my carpool about chipping more in for gas before, right after a different repair was done. I wasn't trying to charge him for the fix on my car, honestly. But when we were all carpooling with a different person the amount she was charging included gas and extra wear and tear on the vehicle. She then told us what she thought was fair. So we paid it.

Well, what dude is paying me right now isn't even covering half the gas most of the time. If gas prices dip for a little while, then yes. It's about half. But since gas prices have been where they are for a while now, it's not even half. So I had asked for an extra $5 a week. He said he couldn't swing it. Trust me, I understand tight finances. I truly do. But then don't come back around and tell me you and your wife are going on a two week vacation in Florida.

I'm stuck though. I could cut him from the carpool entirely, and have it just be me, but then I don't have any help what so ever with gas. I'd rather have something than nothing I guess is the way to put it. And if I pressure him again I have a feeling he'll just find a different way to and from work even though I never can.

I've been applying to different jobs, looking for ones closer to home or at least on a bus route so I don't have to keep taking the car every single day but no call backs yet. Well, I take that back. I've had responses from fly by night companies and commission only jobs. There were one or two legit hourly pay jobs contact me but they are further out than what my current job is, so what sense does that make? None.

So right now, we save up and get it done as soon as we can and cross our fingers until then.

Long Friday

As you may have noticed I didn't do a blog post last night. Why? Because Master was kind enough to allow me to skip it. I was fucking beat.

My day started at 6:20am. I got up, got dressed, took the dog out, stopped at the gas station to put gas in the car, and then headed to work. So far, pretty normal shit. After work I stopped at the bank to pull some money out and then dropped off the passenger in my carpool. I had made an appointment to get the car an oil change. The appointment was at 1pm so it made no sense what so ever to go home for 25 minutes just to head back out again. So I just went straight to the mechanics.

That is when things started to slip sideways a little bit too much for my liking. I got there at about 12:40pm. They were able to get my car in right away for the oil change. I sat down for maybe 10 minutes before the guy walks out and tells me that my car is pretty much pissing out power steering fluid. Oh joy. So he takes me back there and shows me what is going on. Master had pointed out that the car was leaking a little something here and there but I figured okay, it's a small leak. It'll be okay for a little while. Nope. Not anymore.

The guy told me how much it would cost. I clenched my teeth when he told me but really, what other choice did I have? I trust these guys. They've never steered me wrong. Go ahead. Do the damn repair. He told me it would only take about 45 minutes. Okay cool. I can handle that and we'll still make it in time to take the dog to the vet.

But of course it wasn't as easy as they had hoped. Apparently, they needed to rethread the damn thing because it was jacked up. Fucking hell. The owner offered for me to take his personal car to go home, pick up Master and the dog, go to the vet appointment, drop Master and the dog back off and come back when he called telling me my car was ready. That was extremely generous of him but I don't feel comfortable driving other people's cars.

I called Master and told Him and He said we'd just reschedule the vet appointment. So then I called the vet and was able to make it for the following day (today). I finally got out of there at around 4pm. And that entire time I was sitting on basically a plain old metal folding chair. My back and shoulders were screaming at me. But I couldn't just go home and plop my happy ass down. We had other shit planned.

So I get home, pick up Master and then we headed on down to my dad's place to help him with more Ebay stuff. I think we left there around 8pm or so. When we got home we pretty much wolfed down dinner and finally collapsed in our usual spots in the living room.

I finally crashed around midnight. Master woke me up when He was ready to go to bed.

So far today hasn't been too bad. We took the mutt to his vet appointment. He got his distemper shot, a heart worm test, and a physical. He weighs in at 78lbs. The vet wants us to cut back on his portions. He didn't really say how much he needs to lose, but it's more than a couple pounds. The fucked up thing of it is that he isn't fat. He's just not where the vet thinks he should be. We trust that vet, so we listen. Our pup is going on a diet. The bill was a little higher than I thought it was going to be, but it needed to be done.

So far, it's been a pretty expensive weekend. And the shitty thing is it wasn't because of any fun stuff.

Worry

After I was done writing my blog post last night I went to take my shower. Running extremely hot water and aiming the shower head right on the back of my neck helped a lot. I took a longer shower than I usually do, but who cares. Well, I might if we ever have to actually pay a water bill. Then I'll care. Once I was done with my shower I came into the living room and plopped down on the couch, rolling my neck and enjoying the fact that I could move it again without cringing too badly.

Then Master said something that took me off guard. He said, "You worry too much."

Where the hell did that come from? Dude, I was in the shower and I come out and I worry too much? I'm confused!

But He continued by explaining that He had read my blog post and that was why He said I worry too much. It's not like it's the first time He's ever said it to me. He tells me that all the time. I worry too much.

If I remember correctly, that's part of being bipolar. If not, who cares. It's how I am. It's how I've always been. I worry. And then there are those lovely anxiety attacks I get. Those are fun. They aren't full on panic attacks or anything like that. I just suddenly feel overwhelmed and my heart starts to race a little bit and I feel very, very anxious.

Master tells me that I need to stop worrying so much. He has to tell me when there is nothing I can do to prevent certain things and as a result there is no need to worry about them. But I do.

I think I get that from my mother actually. We both basically try to prepare ourselves for the worst, just in case. *shrugs*

I will say that even that has gotten better since I've been medicated though. I think Master would agree with that. Maybe one day I'll get to an age where I'll say, "Fuck it."

You know.. like when I'm 80 or so.

Broken Toy

I'm lucky to have a Husband/Master that is so understanding. I don't have anything seriously wrong with me medically, but what I do have sucks ass and gets in the way of things sometimes. Master has known about them since the beginning. Well, minus the bipolar part since I didn't even know until a few years ago. But aside from that, He's known about all of them.

Two of the biggest ones I have that I feel get in the way are severe migraines and fibromyalgia. The migraines aren't nearly as frequent as they use to be when I was a teenager. You could damn near set a clock to them back then. But now? Once in a blue moon. Even still though.

Fibromyalgia is every damn day. No days off. All I can hope for is a day that isn't too bad. Constant chronic pain is just so much fucking fun. And sometimes, if the pain is bad enough, it will lead into a migraine. Or the migraine will make the fibromyalgia worse. They team up on me sometimes.

Today was one of those times. I was at work and everything seemed fine. But then at about 9am or so a migraine walked up and sucker punched me. I worked through it for a while. However, it progressively got worse. I actually threw up a couple of times because of it. It was causing sharp pains in my temples that would then shoot through the rest of my brain. The dull ache right at the base of my skull stayed with me the entire time. So with each sudden shock of pain the pain at the base of my skull would hurt more.

And then the fibromyalgia was like, "Hey.. let me help!" and my neck started killing me. My eyes were really light sensitive and here I am trying to stare at a computer constantly and sitting under florescent lights. I actually ended up leaving work early. I couldn't take much more. I drove slowly on the way home.

Since I've gotten home I've pretty much done nothing but lay down. I've either been leaning against one arm of the couch or I've curled up on the couch with the dog and I trying to fight each other for how much room the other one got.

My point to this though, is that sometimes I feel like a broken toy. I'm only 30 and sometimes my body hurts so bad I feel 105. And when my really bad day hits I'm pretty much useless. Rather than me doing what a good slave is supposed to do I'm laying on the couch, wincing because I don't want to move but laying down hurts too. And there are times where I have to ask Master to wash my hair because I simply can't reach above my head without my neck feeling like it's going to get stuck or my shoulders cramp up and make me cry if I try to raise my arms too high. Or both. And there are the times where I'm basically asking Him to work on my back, neck, or shoulders every night for a week straight just so I can get some relief.

I know He doesn't mind. And I know that I can't help it. But that doesn't mean I don't feel bad about it sometimes. Today I feel useless, even though I'm still pretty active. I'm not sure why, since it's not a horrible day. But if it's bad enough for me to leave work, it's pretty bad. So I don't feel like I can do a lot. I can fetch Him a soda or something like that but everything else... not so much.

I guess sometimes I just feel like He is doing way more for me than I'm doing for Him. Like I said, I'm very lucky that He is so understanding.

Drained

I thought it was just me today. I felt drained of all energy as soon as I walked out the door this morning. It wasn't even really all that hot out at the time, so I don't know what the fuck all that was about. I didn't have to pick up the passenger for the carpool on the way to work, so I took my time. Like I said, I felt exhausted for no reason. I had slept really, really well all night.

Then I got to work and not only did I feel drained but I felt unmotivated. I didn't want to do a damn thing. Obviously, I pushed myself.

But this post isn't about work. It's about how blah I've been all damn day. When I got out of work the car told me it was 93° outside. Fuck me running. We live in Wisconsin people! We are built for getting through cold as fuck winters. This hot as a mother fucker summer is some bullshit.

I did have the passenger in the car on the way home. And of course he's full of energy. I just sat there quietly, just concentrating on the road while he babbled on about absolutely nothing. I only spoke when I absolutely had to.

I remember walking in the door to our apartment and feeling relief as soon as I got inside. I was still blah and drained but at least I was home. Then I saw Master. He looked about as drained as I felt. And so did the dog.

So, I guess I'm not alone in that feeling today. Master even commented on how He has felt that way all day and so has the mutt. I guess our dog has been sleeping most of the day, and apparently he plans on keeping that going tonight. I'm really glad we have air conditioning, that's all I can really say. It's nice and cool in the apartment, but even still we're all dragging butt.

It can't all be the heat then. I guess it's just that kind of Tuesday. The heat isn't helping though.

Damn You Netflix

Master and I have Netflix. We get one DVD in the mail at a time and we have streaming. Streaming is fucking awesome. Sometimes though we find a TV series that we get absolutely hooked on. That's not a bad thing really. The problem comes in when we only want to watch that whenever we turn on Netflix.

Again it's not really a bad thing, but then we burn through it and before you know it, we've watched 5 seasons of a kick ass TV series and then... it's over. And we wait. And wait. And wait some more for them to release the next season. And since Netflix doesn't always release it to streaming as soon as the season is done on cable, it can take a long fucking time.

It happened with Doctor Who. It happened with Borgia. It happened with Sons of Anarchy. And of course a lot more, I just can't think of them right now.

Currently our obsession is Storm Chasers. Holy shit is this a good show! We never learn our lesson though.. We're burning through it again. We're on the third season right now, which is the last season available on Netflix. I don't know if that's the last season in general.

Hopefully we'll find a new obsession for a TV series on Netflix right after this one.

I know damn well that if Master had the TIV 2 from that show He would totally be a storm chaser. And I would be freaking the fuck out. I most likely would not go with Him, just because I'm afraid I would freak out and possibly put us/Him in danger because of it. But I'd also be sitting at home that entire two months wondering if He was okay and possibly having an anxiety attack for the entire two months.

Thankfully He does not have a TIV 2 and as a result I don't have to worry about it.

Horny As Hell

My sex drive has been kicked up today for some reason. Well, technically it started last night. I had dressed up for Master and when we went to bed around 3am the sex was amazing. Almost immediately after we were both exhausted and ready to crash. But Master had to piss and I had to take the lingerie off. As soon as all that was done we curled up tight and passed right out.

This morning Master was up before I was. Thankfully, He decided not to allow me to sleep in too late. I think He woke me up around 10:30am or so. He had climbed into bed next to me. I had been laying on my side facing my side of the bed. So He put His arm around me and gently woke me up. I opened my eyes and realized that His crotch was right against my ass. He wasn't hard. He really had just came to bed to wake me up, but that's not what I wanted.

It was like my body was on auto pilot because I was barely awake. I rubbed my ass into His crotch and He chuckled. I continued to do so until I felt His cock growing. He said, "I take it you're horny?" Of course He said it while He was laughing. So He fucked me but didn't allow me to cum. It was still great morning sex though, orgasms or not. I was wide awake after His filled me. We cuddled for a little bit before finally crawling out of bed and going into the living room to start the day.

We've been relaxing all day long. It's been hot and humid all damn day, so we've been sitting in the air conditioned apartment and just killing time, which has thankfully been going by really slow. I did at one point have to run out to do a couple of really quick errands. Since they were going to be quick errands I just tossed on one of Master's t-shirts and a pair of yoga pants. Although as soon as I got out of the car the first time I was really glad I had worn a long shirt. I was still dripping a little bit from this morning and my pussy lips were swollen, which was then stimulating my clit hood piercing as I was walking. It felt amazing but I wasn't sure if the dripping was obvious through yoga pants, which is why I was glad I had the longer shirt on.

When I got home I realized that the small wet spot I had left wasn't really visible from the outside of the plans, but still. I think it was about 2pm or so when I knelt next to Him while He was sitting in His recliner and reached down to play with His cock through His boxer briefs.

He rested His head on my shoulder and nuzzled me a little bit before telling me to go to the bedroom. I got there first and knelt on the bed. When He laid down I immediately started rubbing His cock again and laid down next to Him while resting my head on His chest. I slid down and sucked His cock for a little while before moving back up to continue using my hand to please Him.

He caressed my back and moaned a little before telling me to get on my knees. I got on all fours and He positioned Himself behind me. I was already swollen and every inch of His cock slipping into me was delicious. I was hyper sensitive.

After about four or five orgasms Master had me put my ass in the air and my face to the mattress. He was fucking me but started to massage my asshole with His thumb, eventually putting His thumb inside and moving my pussy up and down His cock that way.

When He was done I said, "Did You want to try?" He told me that wasn't His intent. I knew He wasn't trying to pressure me and I know that He really was only doing that for both of us to enjoy. But I did really want to try, so I reached up and grabbed my vibrator. I made sure not to get myself mentally worked up over the fact that the last time we tried it didn't work out. I didn't want to work myself up over that and cause myself to tense up. So I put it out of my mind and simply repositioned myself and turned the vibe on, and placed it on my clit.

He lubed both of us up and seemed to slip in easily. It didn't hurt, but it was intense. I asked for Him to use a little more lube on the top of His cock, so He moved back a tiny bit and smeared some more lube on the top of His cock. He didn't pull out though. I was hoping He wouldn't.

It didn't take long once He was fully inside my ass for me to cum. I started to shake, that's how hard I got off. I put the vibe down and just enjoyed the sensation of Him fucking my ass. I was still hyper sensitive, but it only made it feel extremely intense. It didn't hurt at all the entire time.

I did bow down after a little while because I was shaking. I got off three more times before begging for His cum. He grabbed my hips and fucked me harder. When I felt His cock throbbing as He came, He pushed forward and I moved my hips back. At that exact moment it triggered another orgasm which made my asshole clench down on the base of His cock which gave the orgasm a whole new intensity.

He slowly pulled out and went into the bathroom to clean up. Once He was done I did the same. He had told me He would give me after care once we were both clean. He had gone back to the bedroom so I crawled into bed next to Him and rested on my stomach. He held me really close and just by Him holding me and feeling His heartbeat against my shoulder, which was resting on His chest, and hearing His breathing, which He was still trying to regulate, I calmed down and stopped shaking in no time.

That's all I needed. I've never needed much in the way of aftercare. I just need Him to hold me and sometimes, when I've been crying after sex due to severe sub drop, I need Him to lay His chest across my back and wrap His arms around me. But that's the most I've ever needed.

Um....

I was so focused today while I was at work that now that I'm home my brain has turned itself off. Master and I ate dinner, watched Sons of Anarchy, and then exchanged back rubs. I was bright and alert that whole time.

Then Master tells me to start my nightly routine. So I hop online and open the blog and... nothing. Not a damn thing. And honestly I think I've been doing pretty good on my blog posts. Aside from the first sentence of this post I haven't mentioned work. I've had subjects to type about. So apparently I've now run out of steam.

It could just be the fact that this week has been rough. Or it could be that I'm zoned out right now. I feel very spacey and spread out mentally. Never mind the fact that there is absolutely nothing going on up there. I just feel.. spacey is really the only word I can think to use.

See what I mean? My focus just isn't here. It's not anywhere really. And that's part of the problem. Here I am, struggling with this blog post and Master is watching Robot Chicken. And I keep turning around to watch and then turn back to the computer and stare blankly at the screen. I hope tomorrow I'm back to having a good, quality post.

Supportive

Well, I started the Word document last night. I had the title page made up and started on the first page of the actual story.

Of course, I'm now thinking about changing the title. Not a lot. Just one of the words. What it has now seems kind of bland.. it doesn't pop. It's the same title that it had when I was originally writing it. But now, it doesn't seem to grab attention the way I want it to. When it comes to books the title can make it or break it. If the title doesn't sound interesting, you're not going to pick the book up off the shelf. After that, it's how the book actually looks. Whether it's a normal cover with artwork on it or a hard cover with a jacket on it. But at least I know the title I want to change it to.

Now I just have to find time to keep writing. Well, that's not an accurate statement. I have to make time to write it. During the work week that's going to be a bit difficult only because I want to have as much down time with Master as possible. The night already seems so short without taking more time out of it to write.

I know Master wants to encourage this though. I'm almost wondering if He'll end up making it part of my nightly routine. *shrugs* I know I'll be putting time into it on the weekends, as long as I'm not up against a huge writer's block.

It was kind of funny on the way home from work today though. The passenger in my carpool writes. Well, he tells me he does anyway. Nothing published. Actually, he has told me that he has been writing the same story for over ten years and it's still not done. And he wants to make it a trilogy. If it's taken you ten plus years to write what you have and you don't have a full book yet you'll never get the trilogy done.

So I mentioned that I had started. He asked me why. So I told Him about how Master had brought it up which kind of kicked it all off. The passenger almost seemed jealous. He then proceeded to tell me that his wife is not supportive of his writing at all. She won't read it even when he asks. He asks to get her feedback and she just thinks it's a stupid idea to begin with.

That sucks for him though. I would be very hurt if Master totally dismissed something I put a lot of effort and time into. I'm very glad that Master is supportive. Even if this doesn't go anywhere. Even if it's never published. At least I'll know that my Husband was supportive.

Pen Name

I haven't started on that whole story thing yet. I haven't even created the Word document for it yet.

I thought about just creating the Word document, type in the title and my name as the author and then save it and close it until I was ready to start working on it again. I'm honestly surprised that I haven't done that yet. Maybe I will tonight. Or tomorrow.

I think part of the reason is that I haven't written anything aside from blog posts in so damn long. About seven to eight years actually. Holy shit. I just realized it had been that long as I was typing. Fucking hell.

Maybe I'm nervous about starting it. I could have technically started it as soon as Master brought it up. But I've been pushing it off. Part of it is because I am not looking forward to writer's block. And I know it'll happen. It happens to anyone writing anything. I've gotten writing block due to my blog for fucks sake.

But a thought crossed my mind that made me smile while I was thinking about writing this story. When I was writing it before, I wasn't married to Master yet. So, I was using my maiden name, obviously. But... now we're married. So I'd be writing under His last name.

I don't like pen names. I know why writers use them. But I don't like it. I'm not sure why. I guess because it can get confusing. And it also seems like you're selling out if you ever change it from your pen name to your real name.

Stephen King is a hell of a good example. I just got done talking to Master about this. Stephen King started his career as a writer under a pen name. Richard Bachman. Eventually Richard Bachman got too famous and Stephen wanted recognition. So he started using his real name and Richard Bachman died. That seems like a pretty shitty reason to stop using a pen name.

"Oh? I'm good at this and people love it? Well shit, I want people to know who I am! Cha-ching!"

Don't get me wrong I love a lot of Stephen King books. Nothing recent mind you, as I prefer his classics. 

So nope. No pen names for me. It's highly unlikely I'll ever get published but still. I want to use my real name.

(By the way, yes I know that technically my blog is under a pen name. But that's different to me. I'm not making any money and I'll never reveal my real name on here. It's a blog, not a book.)

Pout

I had asked Master what I should blog about tonight. He simply told me, "No work." Okay.. so I can't blog about work. I asked for Him to please be more specific. He said no, that's all He has. I did my pout lip and sad puppy eyes, even though it never works. He laughed and told me to knock it off. We both know it never, ever works. And I never really use it in order to get my way or anything along those lines.

It's more of just a pout in order to be cute and/or funny. Which is exactly the reason why He laughed.

I've never been one for actual pouting or using that kind of stuff to sway Him. He knows I would be up to something and He'd be more than annoyed by it.

If I want something I have to ask. If I try anything else it just seems... I don't know. Like I'm trying to trick Him. And I don't want to do that.

I remember when we were first dating/living together... I would come up behind Him while He was on the computer and wrap my arms around Him and rest my chin on His shoulder. I was just being cuddly and affectionate. But He would ask what I wanted.

I would get mad and hurt. Every other girl He's been in a relationship with would do that kind of shit to get something they wanted. You know, using affection as a barganing chip basically.

That's why it would hurt. I don't do that kind of thing. Never have. Never will. But we were freshly living together. When we were living apart and I did something like that He didn't react that way. After all, we only got to see each other twice a week, if that, so we were both hanging all over each other when He would come down.

But after I moved in with Him and saw Him every day I guess His viewpoint on such changed for a short period of time. It honestly didn't take long for Him to realize that I wasn't lying, I was in fact not doing it for anything other than to be affectionate with Him.

I would say it took about a month. But I had to get use to things too. Sometimes He would do something similar and I would wonder why, simply because of past relationships. And that would hurt Him too. I'm glad we both got past it rather quickly.

We have both had some pretty fucked up relationships before we met one another. It makes me realize how lucky we are to have found each other. We don't have to worry about those kind of games. We are both straight up with one another and that's how it should be. You shouldn't have to play games in a relationship.

Not This Time

Last night Master and I were fucking and had already discussed having anal sex, so at one point, after a few orgasms, I just reached forward (I was on all fours) and grabbed my vibrator. As a result He leaned over me and grabbed the lube.

At first, I thought it was going to be okay. But it didn't go smoothly from the get go. He was having a difficult time just getting the head of His cock up my ass. Never mind I wasn't tense. I was actually relaxed and looking forward to it. One He did get in, it hurt. It was a really sharp pain. He backed off and I played with my clit a bit more and breathed in and out slowly, trying to get my body to match my mind. I wanted it. I really did.

We tried again and again we had to stop. My body wasn't going to play along apparently. Master softly said, "I'll go clean up." He didn't sound upset or mad. I was disappointed. I laid on my stomach and waited for Him to come back. I was doing my best to not get frustrated. I wasn't angry. I know that sometimes it's just not going to work. But it figures that the night I'm really in the mood for it my body decides to say, "Yeah.. um.. think again."

When He came back from the bathroom He slipped inside my pussy and we finished. He held me close afterward and I apologized.

He stopped me. He told me that it's okay. He doesn't get upset about it and He understands. He told me what aggravates Him is when I apologize for it over and over again. He's not mad or upset so why apologize? So I stopped.

And I wasn't upset anymore. Disappointed, yes. Not with Master or myself, but just the fact that it didn't go the way I was hoping. Master doesn't even seem disappointed about that. It's not that He doesn't want to. He has an ass fetish, so yeah.. He wants to. But He understands that it won't always work out. I just need to accept that more.

I want to try again soon though. 

Stay In Focus

Today hasn't been as fun filled as the past three days have been. I don't mean that in a bad way at all. The past three days there was a lot of fucking, talking and other things going on. Today has been pretty much just us sitting in the living room. We were supposed to go run a couple of errands today but we both agreed that we didn't really want to go anywhere and that the errands could wait until tomorrow or Tuesday.

So today we have just been taking it easy and being lazy. Like I said, it's not a bad thing. We have reconnected these past three days, in a way that was somewhat overdue. So many things easily take over. Real life gets in the way and takes the forefront because you have to deal with it right then and there.

I mean, we're good. It's not like we needed to work on our marriage or dynamic. I feel that we just needed to reconnect. We needed to touch base on an emotional, mental, and physical level that we just haven't had "time" to do lately.

Which is bullshit. I understand that. We always have time. It's just that we haven't really looked past the day to day bullshit to connect on those deeper levels.

It's weird. I mean we talk constantly, we don't have anything to really work on, and yet when days like those come around it's somewhat of an eye opener.

Yes, you have to deal with the day to day. But that doesn't mean you can't take a moment each day to just focus completely on one another without the other shit seeping in. Easier said than done. And yes, the dynamic is part of that focus. Master and I discussed such yesterday.

And the conversation came about so naturally. It was almost as if we didn't realize that it was something that needed to be said until the words were passing our lips.

One of the points Master brought up is that I need to let Him know my needs more. I have apparently started to slip backwards on that. I'm a lot better at it than I use to be. Hell, if you hold it up to how I use to be it's night and day. But He feels that I need to keep that in mind more and be more vocal about my needs and desires.

One of the points I brought up is that after anal I need aftercare but I know that we both have to get cleaned up immediately after. However, I told Him that I would still like some once we are clean. I don't need a lot. Holding me close or petting my hair. Something like that. I'm not a big after care person. Usually that's all I need.

A good example are the times where I've broken down and cried after sex due to severe sub drop. He will have my lay on my stomach and He'll cover my back with his chest and hold my wrist. To me, that's not a lot to need as far as aftercare goes. I've heard of some pretty elaborate needs for aftercare. So, my needing that kind of strong physical comfort is pretty minor in comparison. But that doesn't mean it isn't important or isn't needed.

Master told me that I should have brought that up a lot sooner and I know this. He wasn't mad or anything. Nothing along those lines. He just pointed out that is the kind of thing that He was talking about when He mentioned that I need to vocalize more to Him. Which is very true. 

Quality

As you may have already noticed, I haven't done a blog post in two days. That's like.. a record or something. I can't remember the last time I went for more than one night without doing a blog post unless I was sick.

Anyway, that's not the point. The point is that it's been a wonderful three days. And today isn't over yet! Master and I have spent a lot of down time together. It's been a lot of goofing around, a lot of talking, and a lot of fucking. It's not a blur but currently I'm having a little bit of a problem figuring out the exact order of everything. I mean the moments themselves are crystal clear but the order of some of them? Not so much. And I'm not really trying to give a play by play either.

Don't get me wrong, the sex has been incredible each and every time but a play by play of each orgasm isn't really what I'm going for with this post.

We've talked, a lot, like I said.

We've discussed BC quite a bit because we're just trying to figure out what the fuck is going in that man's brain. We never will, because I don't think he even knows. But it doesn't stop us from discussing it at length. Partially because Master and I have both been there where you are not being satisfied on certain levels within a relationship and then we found one another and it's been fucking incredible. Our main point is that he should have been up front with her about those particular desires and then he wouldn't be in this position. I mean they aren't young kids. She was 37 and he was 34 when they started dating. Cut the dancing around bullshit.

That's actually been somewhat amusing.

We've also talked about us. Nothing bad. We don't have anything to work on. We're not in trouble or whatever. It's just talking about different things within our relationship. For instance I talked to Him about cutting back on the amount of times per week I have to blog. It's not that I don't love my blog. It's not that I want to stop posting. I just don't want to post every single night anymore. My posts haven't been of great quality every night. Mainly because it's every night. Not a lot changes inside of 24 hours or less. And there is really nothing going on anymore. I've been blogging for six years and our dynamic is pretty much where it's going to stay. So unless something crosses my mind I don't have a lot to post about except for when we fuck or something interesting happens.

In my eyes, currently, it's more quantity of posts rather than quality of posts. And I feel that if it is less frequent, the quality will go up. It won't feel like a chore and I'll have more time to think of a topic if finding a topic is needed. Master has not made a decision on that yet. He told me last night that I could skip as long as I did a longer post today, which I am. I was thinking like twice a week. And I said that. He hasn't commented on it since that discussion and I've let it be. He knows how I feel about it and He'll let me know.

Another thing He brought up is a story I began writing back before we were even living together. So.. about 8 years ago? Some where around that. I had been writing it and then He would read it when He came to visit me. I don't know why it popped into His head, but it did. I loved writing that story. I don't have it anymore. That was three or four computers ago and back then I didn't back up my data like I do now. So it was lost. But He suggested that I start it up again.

I know I won't be able to get the words the same. I probably won't even totally take it in the same direction, but the base of the story would remain in tact.

And believe it or not I do remember the base of the story. Like I said I loved writing it. I think I was only a few chapters in before that computer crashed. That sucked ass. I even remember the title.

I don't know when I'll start it again. Maybe tonight? No idea. When writing a story like that I really, really have to be in the mood to write. If I'm not and I try to force myself it's frustrating and when I read it over later I absolutely hate what I wrote and delete it all anyway. So it's counter productive.

The past two days I've been trying to look nice for Master. My usual attire is normally jeans and a t-shirt. Master has no problem with that at all, but He also wants to see me dressed up a little bit. Nothing too fancy.

So yesterday I had gone through my clothes and threw a bunch away that I just don't wear anymore. But I also found some clothes that I had honestly never worn. They are clothes that were given to me or I had bought extremely recently.

We had planned on sitting outside for a little while and even though that's all we were doing I thought I would try to look nice. So while He was taking the dog outside I grabbed some clothes, went into the bathroom, and shut the door. I wanted it to be a surprise. That may sound stupid, but I did.

I put on eyeliner and some lip gloss. Then I tossed on a pair of black skinny jeans with small cargo like pockets on the sides. To me skinny jeans do not look good, at all, while wearing sneakers or sandals. So I had also grabbed a pair of heels. The heels I picked out go up past my ankle and they are plain black zip up boots. As a result, they over lapped the skinny jeans so that they were tucked into the boots. I also tossed on a cute black tank top.

Without meaning to I basically ended up looking like a biker bitch. I loved how I looked in that outfit. When I walked into the living room Master was highly surprised and loved how I looked. It turned Him on obviously. How do I know? He would stop groping me, not that I wanted Him to stop. He'd walk behind me and grab my ass, or if I was bent over to pick something up He would walk up and start rubbing my pussy through the jeans. I loved it.

Master is always an openly affectionate guy. But, it was ramped up. And I enjoyed it greatly. The message got across. He wants me dressing like that for Him more often, even when we're just doing nothing at all. He has put that point across before but for one reason or another I always slip back into my non-tight fitting jeans, a t-shirt and sneakers.

I go through bursts where I'll dress to the nines all the time when we leave the house and then I'll go back to comfortable and more tom-boyish clothes. I'm going to do my best not to slip back into that unless we are going to visit family. I have never felt comfortable dressing like that in front of family, and He understands that.

So today when we decided to go to a sit down restaurant for a late lunch/early dinner I asked Him to give me a few minutes. Where as I would normally just toss on a pair of jeans and a shirt and head out the door, I didn't want to do that this time. I didn't put on any make-up but I grabbed a pair of heels and then tossed on that new dress I bought not that long ago. The black one with the little white jolly rogers all over it. Master was again very pleased. And on the way back home, when we were walking from our empty parking lot to the apartment building He lifted up my dress so He could watch my ass as I walked. I laughed and said, "Daddy!"

He chuckled and let the dress fall. When we got inside He stopped me, had me stand in front of Him and He turned me around. I put my arms up and He pulled the dress off me. We ended up in the bedroom in order for me to put the dress away and He pulled me to Him. He was sitting on the bed and He had me stand in front of Him.

He sucked on my tits and rubbed His fingers against my pussy. He then let me go, smacked me on the ass and told me to go into the living room. As He was walking down the hall He commented that wearing jean shorts while having a hard on was uncomfortable. I giggled.

He went to the bathroom and I sprawled out on the couch, naked except for my heels. He came back into the living room, saw me and then told me to go into the bedroom.

He sat on the bed first and I was walking past Him to get onto my side of the bed when He stopped me, grabbed my waist and thew me onto the bed. He covered me with the upper half of His body and molesting my tits some more.

I love being His rag doll.

So yeah... I'm going to do my best to put more effort into how I'm dressing when we're going out and about. *nods* I should have been doing that anyway. I shouldn't have needed that extra attention in order for me to kick start that. But apparently I did. I feel guilty about that honestly.

This also means I need more dresses, skirts, and tight fitting pants. Basically anything more slutty is good.

Evolution

Master and I were trying to think of something to do. We didn't really feel like watching TV and nothing else sounded good either. So, we decided to just turn everything off and sit and talk for a while.

We ended up talking about BC. Yeah, I know. We can't judge him.. etc.. so on... blah blah blah. And we don't. We just don't always understand where the man is coming from and so we sometimes discuss it. Last night was one of those times. Neither of us can wrap our heads around what the hell is going on in that brain of his.

We can't always get what we want. A lot of people don't find their perfect someone. But in this situation, if you aren't happy with your sex life and you're on totally opposite ends of what you find to be a turn on... Well I just don't see how that works in the long run.

I know if didn't in my past relationships. It didn't in Master's past relationships either. When there are problems in the bedroom they follow you down the hall. Call it sexual frustration if you want, but it always bleeds into the rest of the relationship.

And as we were running through the conversation we eventually turned to our own relationship. It's interesting how we mesh on everything. If you take a couple of musical differences and tastes in a couple particular movies... we're right on point. It may sounds too good to be true, but it is. There are a handful of bands I like that He doesn't and it's true the other way around. And there are a handful of movies the same way. Other than that... point for point we match each other across the board.

It's also kind of odd how our kinks kind of range all over the place. It seems that in a lot of dynamics there are very specific things that the couple does and they stick to it. Master and I have dabbled in a lot of things. Some worked, some didn't, and some we just touch base on every now and then. There are also a few things that we did and enjoyed for a while but don't do anymore.

From what I've read, seen, and heard of that is kind of rare. Especially since we continued to dabble over the years, after we figured our dynamic out.

We are both extremely lucky to have found one another. It's a one in a trillion chance and yet here we are. Happily married. Blissfully in love. Very much in lust. Even after ten years. And I don't see it ever changing.

We evolve. Our marriage evolves. Our dynamic evolves. And it all seems very natural. It's not like we set out to change it up or keep it spicy. It just happens. We evolve into whatever it happens to be quite naturally. And it's all at the same time. There have been instances where one of us was more interested in something more than the other, but it always end up agreeing.

We have grown in so many different ways over the past decade. And it hasn't stopped.

Wanna Be

Master and I have this one particular friend, BC. He is the one that got married this past November. He has been friends with Master since high school and I have known him for almost as long as I've known Master. I would say a few months shy of it actually.

And since I met him it has been painfully apparent that he desperately wants to be Master. And by that, I mean he wants to be exactly like my Husband and attempts to live vicariously through Him. From what Master says it has always been that way. It's just that since Master and I got together it's been about different things. BC knows of our dynamic. In fact, Master has allowed him to participate here and there over the years. It hasn't happened in a long time. It ended shortly before he started dating his now wife. We respect their marriage even though we don't like his wife. You don't just have someone over while you're naked or near naked knowing that they have a wife at home that knows nothing about it and isn't in the lifestyle. Neither Master or myself feel comfortable with that. Not at all.

It's actually quite amusing when BC would attempt to give me an order. I mean, I listened. I did what I was told because Master had told me prior to him coming over what was going on and that I was to listen to him. So I behaved myself. But inside my head all I wanted to do was laugh.

Master has a presence to Him. He has looks and tones of voice and just... so many things that prove He is Alpha Dog. And BC... not even a little bit. Nope. Not at all. Which is exactly what makes it laughable.

You ever seen one of those "Mistresses" that think they are bad ass but you know that you could get them on their knees in a heart beat? Those are the ones that I say attempt to "Barbie" someone into submission. It's just laughable. It's when they talk but can't back it up. BC is the male version of that.

And with me, at least, you have to be able to back it up. Master can. BC? Pppfffttt. Yeah right.

The reason why all this popped into my head is because we are friends with him on a social networking site. And every now and then you'll see something that he started following. And wow... just wow... A lot of kink related shit and borderline porno sites with a kink twist.

It's funny because his wife can see this activity to. She obviously hasn't stopped him from doing it. I don't know if she's tried to or not. The other funny part is that I don't think he realizes it. This means his dad, his sister, his in-laws and members of her church can see it. I don't think anyone but Master or myself have noticed, but just the fact that it's possible is funny.

The other amusing part is that his wife has told me, before they were married, that he had tried to talk her into some "kinky" stuff and she told me that she was just not into it at all and wasn't willing to do it to please him. And that's the light stuff. When she said kinky I had asked her what she meant. She was talking about handcuffs and some rope for fucks sake.

And yet Master and I both know that BC wants what we have. He wants the full on power exchange. He wants to be able to say jump and have her ask how high without question.

That's not going to happen, obviously. And as a result, it appears that he is seeking other means to satisfy at least the mental part of it.

We haven't talked to him in quite some time, so we don't really know what all is up with that as all the activity is extremely recent. But... we also haven't told him we can see that activity and that as a result, other people can to. That's on him. Who knows. Maybe Master will eventually.

Still fucking funny though.

Lube Me Up

Master and I had been talking earlier in the day and I had asked Him if He would want to try anal a little later. He looked at me like I had lost my damn mind. He turned to face me, put the palms of His hands together and touched the tips of His fingers to His mustache.

He then proceeded to tell me, in a some what dramatic manner, that if I ever, ever, ever wanted to be fucked in the ass I never, ever had to worry about Him turning me down. He told me to automatically assume that, yes, He does in fact want to shove His cock up my ass. I couldn't help but laugh. It was just the way He went about it. He's a goofball sometimes. I love that about Him.

I know that some people in a similar dynamic, regardless of which end of the chain you're on, may think that He is way too lenient with me when it comes to anal sex. After all, He's the man in charge. I should just give it to Him when He damn well wants it. And you're right... to a point. I want to be able to have anal sex whenever the hell He wants to in whatever position He chooses. But... He is allowing me to do this all at my pace right now. He knows I still need to relax quite a bit for it to go "right". He wants me to enjoy it every bit as much as He does. I just need to get there. And I am starting to. I know we've been together for ten years and we used to have anal sex at least once or twice a month.

And then at one point things went not so great. It hurt. A lot. Nothing was seriously wrong. I didn't need an emergency room or anything like that. But it hurt enough for me to mentally put the brakes on. And from that point I couldn't enjoy it. I would basically... I don't know how to put it. Deal with it? That sounds harsh. I would do it in order to please Him and that was pretty much all I was getting out of it. And because I couldn't mentally relax about it my body tightened up, which of course made it hurt. Not to the point that He had to stop, but enough for me not to enjoy it.

I'm slowly working my way back to it though. I want to get there. I know He does too, although He isn't pressuring me about it at all.

Anyway, back to the story here...

After my shower I put on a nice outfit with full access. Nothing too spectacular. It was a body stocking with the pussy and ass fully available and it was cup-less, so my tits were free as well. I then did something I haven't done in far too long. I put on make-up. Master isn't huge on make-up. He thinks I'm beautiful without it and only wants me to use eyeliner or eyeshadow, lipstick and mascara. No foundation or blush or any of that stuff.

So I put on some metallic silver eyeshadow and a shiny lip gloss. He was very pleased when I walked down the hall and knelt at His feet. We chilled in the living room for a little while before finally retiring to the bedroom. Just because I get dolled up doesn't mean we immediately run to the bedroom and get down to it.

Anyway...

I was laying on the bed and He climbed into bed next to me and started chewing on my neck and rubbing His body against me. I was immediately wet. I love, love, love it when He grinds His body against mine. I think part of it has to do with our size difference. It reminds me how tiny I am next to Him and how He can overpower me.

He molested my tits while I stroked His cock. He knelt up and allowed me to continue stroking Him. He lazily ran His hand down my body until He started gently fingering me. He ate me out until I came and then put me on all fours. He fucked my pussy first. I came over and over again. At one point He had me kneeling up with my back against His chest while He gripped my tits, using them to hold me to Him, and bounced my off of His cock. My face was rested against His and I curled my toes just enough for them to rub against His balls every time He bucked. He loved it. I know He did. Especially since I had the body stocking on. Extra texture. *winks*

He eventually realized that I was getting extremely sensitive. He asked if I wanted to switch. I nodded. I was off in la-la land already. But He wanted a verbal answer. A nod wasn't going to cut it. He asked me again and I managed to whisper out, "Yes Master."

He pulled out and grabbed the lube bottle while I reached for my vibrator. He lubed both of us up and I placed the vibe on my clit. It hurt the first time. He pulled out and helped me reposition myself. Then He just rubbed the head of His cock against my asshole for a little while as I continued to use the vibe on my clit. And then, suddenly, He was inside me. I let out a loud gasp. It didn't hurt it was just a very big surprise.

He immediately apologized and asked me if I wanted Him to pull out. I said no, that it was okay. He put some more lube on the base of His cock while He stayed still and before long as He started to slide His cock in and out of my ass I felt that sudden rush of an orgasm flow through me. After I started to come down from that I was a lot more relaxed. But I knew that because I was sensitive every where, literally, that my body may turn against me half way through. So I asked Master if we could kind of make it a quickie basically.

He had no problem with that. So He told me to start begging. And I did. I begged for His cum, at length.

"Please Master, shoot Your cum deep into my ass."

"I need it Daddy, please."

And of course many other things. He loves it when I talk dirty. And I did. I stopped for a moment to catch my breath. His words, deep and full of lust, "I didn't tell You to stop begging."

Needless to say I continued and ramped it up more. It wasn't long after that, that I felt His cock pulsing, stretching my asshole even more, as He shot His load into me.

Worst thing about anal sex is that we can't cuddle immediately after. We both have to get washed up immediately. And trust me, after care cuddling is something I would love very much after anal sex. But it is what it is.

He cleaned up first and then I did. I was incredibly shaky. He held my hand and walked me to the bathroom so I wouldn't fall down. I closed the bathroom door and cleaned myself off. I then very slowly walked into the living room and sat down on the couch. I started to apologize for asking for it to be a quickie and He cut me off and said it was okay. That sometimes that's exactly what we both need is a quickie. He told me that it hadn't ruined anything at all and that it is and always will be worth the wait.