I Am A Duck

I was having a rough day today. Not because of work or anything. It was due to finances, the fact that I am currently 7 hours short on my paycheck and don't have enough work to justify over time for the weekend, and some of my family members bitching about how bad off they are and saying they don't understand how we're struggling because I work full time and have a good hourly pay, etc. Master gets work every now and then from the freelance job He's doing, so that does help, but until we both have steady paychecks coming in we're going to stay about where we are. And that means that there will be times where finances are extremely tight.

So for the first time since starting my medication I felt that familiar type of irritability/borderline aggression creeping in. It was not full force and it was not a sudden snap either. It was a very gradual thing. And I was doing my best to keep it at bay, to calm myself down and center myself. It was working, but I was still irritated and it was a slow process.

I'm the only one in my immediate family that has a full time job and is not on state assistance. The people in my immediate family who do work are part time. And every one of them is on state aid. I'm not saying state assistance is a bad thing, because it's not. It's just a point I'm making. Sometimes they forget that I'm not on state assistance. I don't get food stamps, so I actually have to use my paycheck for that. That takes a good chunk out right there. We're feeding Master and myself, a dog, and three rabbits.

Like I said sometimes I think they forget that. I have rent, food, gas in the car, electric, cell phone, land line, internet, things for the animals, the normal necessities and cigarettes for two people. The only thing I could really cut out is the cigarettes. I know, I don't need the internet or the cell phone. But the internet, aside from the video games we already own, is our only form of entertainment. We don't have cable or satellite. As far as my cell phone goes its a whopping $30 a month and I like having it in case something happens. I'm some what paranoid.

So whine, whine, whine right? When Master got in touch with me I fully admitted that I was irritated and told Him why. That, by the way, is a hell of an improvement on my part. I use to just say I was fine, or I would tell Him I was irritated after Him asking me like 50 fucking times but wouldn't say why. He said He understood but He was doing His best to calm me down as well. Here is what He said...

"It's all water and your a duck hon let it roll off your back you know? Work will do what it will do no stopping that and other folks bitching about cash eh fuck em. Just chill baby don't let all the other shit get to you besides what good does it do anyways? And even at that not a lot to get worked up over love. It'll be okay hon always is :)"

(Yes, my Husband does smiley faces when He sends me a message. It's awesome.)

So, I am a duck. Cause my Husband said so. *giggles* I'm in a much better mood, especially after that pep talk He gave me. When I got home He had dinner ready and we watched some Reno 911 on Netflix. A little after dinner He worked on my shoulders. I am much more relaxed now.