Normal Day

I know I've mentioned this before, but Master has me write Him a note every day before I go to work so He knows how my mood is doing. So today, I'm sitting there about to write my note before I went to work and I tried to think of a way to describe where my mood was.

And the only word I could come with was normal. I wasn't up, I wasn't down, I wasn't hyper or depressed. I was just... normal. I guess stable would be another way to put it? And honestly it's a little weird to think of it that way. But even since being on my medications I've been rather up. Not really hyper, but just  really positive. That's not a bad thing, just that's the effect it was having. But today I felt normal. So that's exactly what I wrote down.

When Master messaged me while I was at work He said this:

"So the meds finally stabilizing you so that your mood isn't just up or higher and just a normal mood? Hell that's great you haven't had a 'normal' day in years baby that is awesome."

And He's right. For years I've been one of the two extremes, and if not that far to the left or right I've always been leaning one way or the other. I haven't been right down the middle for a long, long time. So it pleased me to see that He not only noticed such, but was treating me feeling "normal" as something to celebrate. Like reaching a milestone I guess is a better way to put it.

On one hand it feels weird to me to thing that feeling normal is a milestone. It reminds me that without my medication I'm not that great at controlling my own feelings. I sway way too much on the mood range, and I need these pills in order to be stable.

I'm not embarrassed about it or anything, but it's still some what of a shock to me.

However, I'm glad that I can acknowledge such and have made my peace with it. I'm also glad that Master is proud of me for getting my shit together and admitting that I needed help. And I'm grateful that He loves me enough to have gone through as much of a whirlwind as we have to get to this point.