Off My Chest

.. and onto my blog.

Master and I have been looking into getting a newer car. But the ones we can afford have way too many miles on them and we don't like the car. And the ones we do like? Yeah. Can't afford them.

We did have one small hope from a dealership we went to on Saturday. They had said they would work on our application and have an answer for us by Monday. Our credit sucks and we only have one income, so yeah. I get it. Yesterday arrives and no answer. I called and they said they were still working on it. I call today and leave a voice mail. No one calls me back. So I call again a few hours later and it turns out they want a bigger down payment than we can afford and the payments are still way out of our price range.

So as much as I would love a newer (notice how I'm not saying brand new.. just newer) car right now, I think it's going to have to go on the back burner. I was really upset about it though because the guy I was talking to was a real asshole and had this, "Well no wonder you can't afford this.." tone to his voice.

And then Master and I started butting heads over texting. It was more... intense than it has been since before I started my medication. So I was stressed, Master was stressed, and we freaked out on each other and doubled our fun there. Cause we're smart like that.

I ended up crying while I was at work. Part of it was because of what was going on between Master and myself. The other part was because I realized that if I can't even get a loan for a $13,000 car without a cosigner or astronomical payments how the fuck am I ever going to get approved for a condo or townhouse?

All because I fucked up my credit when I was younger and haven't had the means to fix it since. I also don't have money to file bankruptcy, not that I really want to do that anyway.

For the past 8 years I've worked my way up from minimum wage to where I am now. (I don't want to put the actual amount.. but I feel it is a rather decent amount per hour.) I've worked hard, I keep trying to claw my way up more and more and all I've been able to do is keep my head above water. And sometimes even that's difficult. It's frustrating. And it upsets me.

And I want a fucking break.

I am grateful for my great job, and I am grateful for a roof over my head, necessary bills that are paid, and food in my stomach. Don't get me wrong, I really am grateful for such. I know there are people who are a lot worse off. It's just that right now I'm feeling a little down and am getting stuff off my chest so I don't carry it around the rest of the evening.