Love & Marriage

There are two sayings that have to do with marriage that I think everyone knows.

1. "All you need is love."

2. "Love doesn't put food on the table."

Both are true, in their own ways. I honestly believe that as long as you love the person you are married to with all of your being you can always find a way to make things work, regardless of the situation.

The flip side of that coin is that finances can really fucking stress you and your spouse out which then effects the marriage. Where as Master and I have been in a lot worse situations financially it doesn't mean that right now we aren't stressed out. Neither of us seem to be happy with our situation at present. Master's freelance job fell through. He hasn't been able to be hired on to another job since or before. It's getting to the point that neither of us are really sure where to apply Him anymore. He's put in applications fucking everywhere and either a degree is required, He's "over qualified", or His criminal record that is 15 years old comes to bite Him in the ass. He's extremely frustrated by it and I completely understand that. I try to be as supportive as I possibly can be, but I know that isn't going to make everything okay.

I'm frustrated because I've clawed my way up from minimum wage to making decent money in a relatively short period of time. I have a solid work history and can't afford what we both want. We want a newer car, and where as that is possible the payments are not especially when you add full coverage insurance to it. We want to own a condo, part of a duplex, or a townhouse. Where as we could possibly afford the mortgage payment there is no way we could get financing for that right now. Sometimes it feels like I'm working just to keep our heads above water and at times even that takes a lot of effort.

We both want to be able to go out and do more things, but we can't afford it. My birthday is this upcoming Friday. Master is upset because He can't get me anything. I'm slightly upset because we can't afford to go out and have a good time. In fact on my birthday we get to write out a rent check. Oh the joys of being an adult. I know.

Our anniversary is less than a month away and I'm not sure what we're going to be able to do for it.

We just got done talking because we've both been snipping at each other because we're stressed out. We both admitted that sometimes we worry about the whole "grass is greener" mentality. Basically I'm worried that His wanderlust from when He was younger might kick up in His ass and He's just gonna say fuck it and go. He's worried that I might start peeking over the fence to find a "better" situation.

Where as we both know that we love each other very much, stress and finances dredge up some really nasty and dark thoughts. My medication is helping, but it's not a cure all. It helps me cope, it doesn't make everything honkey dorey.

I'm glad we talked, because it got things off our chests and we stopped nit picking at each other, but it always leaves you a little exposed feeling when you voice such concerns, as if speaking them might make them come true.

Like I said we love one another very, very much. And I'm honestly not worried about a divorce or Him leaving, but like I said enough stress will make your thoughts turn down a road that you really don't want to even remotely consider as a possibility. Everything is possible, it's just how probable it is.