Disappointed

"If you have no expectations, you can never be disappointed."

It is hard to live without expectations. We expect things naturally. It's how we are. All of us. I have expectations in this life. They are not always met, obviously. Some disappointments are greater than others.

Today's disappointment wasn't that great, but it still sucks. You know how I've been babbling on and on and on about how I got the position I wanted at work, and how I'm waiting not-so-patiently to know when I'll be starting that?

Well, on Wednesday I had e-mailed my business manager and asked her if she knew when I would be starting the new position. She told me that she should have an answer for me by the end of the week.

Well, with today being Friday and all, I figured I'd get an e-mail, a phone call, something. But no. Now I realize I am not the center of any universe, real or imagined, which is why I honestly wasn't too surprised when I received neither of these things.

I thought about e-mailing her again, but I don't want to be a pest about it. So I thought the better of it, and left work without an answer. Plus I almost think I would have been more disappointed had I sent an e-mail and received a "still don't know" response.

I sent a text to Master to just vent that this waiting game is driving me insane and He told me not to worry about it, that it will happen. And He's right. I know it'll happen.

I've been accused of being lazy before. Shocking, I know. But when I get something into my head and I hear the word "go" I want to go now. I hate waiting for it. I can be extremely patient, but this time I'm finding that very difficult.

And it's not just the pay bump either. I'm honestly excited to start this new position. I'm slowly crawling my way up in the company, and I've never done that before. I've made efforts in past jobs and received no notice, or just a "Yeah thanks, but we're still going to keep you where you're at and not pay you any more for all the extra work you're doing."

But since I'm actually making progress this time, this hurry up and wait shit is driving me totally bat shit crazy.

And I honestly think the reason why I didn't get an e-mail or phone call today is because she isn't sure just yet. And I realize she is a very busy woman, but just a touching base type e-mail would have been nice.

Oh well.

I'll be sending an e-mail on Monday after lunch if I don't hear anything by then. It's not much, but it shows some self restraint on my part, don't you think?