I'd Like To Lock In That Answer

Can you tell I watch way to many game shows? Yeah. Me too.

First, we're going to get past the daily stuff, then I'll move on to why I titled the post like that.

Master had to get to work by 6:30am. So He woke me up before heading out the door to say goodbye. I got up a little while later, got ready, and prepared myself. You see last night the coworker that does the same job I do, who I sit right next to, called me to let me know she wasn't going to be in to work until about Thursday, or perhaps Friday. So I knew that I was going to be swamped.

And I was right. I clocked in early, and cut my lunch short by 35 minutes (I normally get an hour lunch) and I just barely managed to keep up with all of the work. My trainer came by and was impressed with how well I was doing.

So yeah, it was a busy day at work. Master also had a very busy day at His job, and got out about 20 minutes before I was supposed to get out of work (about a 10 hour day). But at least He was still able to pick me up. Once we got home Master took His shower and I ran out to hit the ATM and pick up a few things we needed. The rest of the night we've been relaxing, enjoying one another's company, and watched a movie.

We very, very briefly talked again about the Navy Reserves thing. Master just said that He keeps telling me to do it because He wants to get it done with, so He can have me back fully all the sooner. It in no way means He supports it or that I have His blessing on the matter.

That hit me pretty hard. I mean the conversations we had over the weekend (which are lengthy and there is no way in hell I can type all of it out) had been rattling around in my brain when I had time to breathe today at work already. So yeah, it hit hard becaue the subject matter was so raw, ya know?

And I didn't say anything. We didn't argue. We merely changed subjects and continued joking around. We both wanted to stay in good moods.

So, I have decided not to go through with any of it. I won't be contacting a recruiter, I won't be researching anymore information regarding this matter. Oh, I'm sure Master is sitting there right now reading this and going, "Yeah right."

He said that He wants me to just get it over with because it'll just be stuck in my head until I am to old to be a recruit unless I either try and fail or try and exceed.

Well, first I'll explain why I'm going with "I'm not doing it".

He is my Husband and my Master. As I said in the previous post I do not want to lose my submission to Him. But more importantly, I don't want to cause rifts in our marraige. Above all, our marriage is the most important thing in this world to me. I love this man of mine so deeply that sometimes it makes my heart stop. I do not want Him to be constantly worrying. The dream of being in the Navy was completely selfish. And I'm not that kind of person. (No laughing.) Okay, I'll rephrase that. I'm not that kind of person when it comes to my marriage.

Why would I want to cause Him all that extra stress? The worry? I don't want to spend nine weeks away from Him. I don't want to spend an extra weekend per month and two weeks per year (possibly over seas) away from Him. We can barely handle it when His job takes Him away for three days. What the hell was I thinking.. nine damn weeks. I'd be a wreck. Literally.

We hardly see each other now during the week, if I had a 2nd job to that.. let alone the military, we'll hardly see each other. At least with a normal 2nd job I could just quit. With the Navy, it would be an eight year contract where only they can decide if they want to release me. The only one who should have any say in such is my Husband. He is the one I have dedicated my life to.

Master, I am sorry if I made You feel like I had lost sight of that. I truly hadn't. I was simply trying to find a way to help out more. I deeply apologize.

And just to show You how serious I am about this.. I think I've found a way to show You.

I, as Your wife, Your slave, and Your student here by swear, in writing with plenty of witnesses, on Mother Wolf and Grandmother Frog that I will never again bring up my joining any of the armed forces or the armed forces reserves in any way, shape, or form.

I love You baby. And I truly am sorry for all the stress, and worry.