Rant / Bitch / Whine

You know, I love seeing my family and I know that I have to get shit done on the weekends that I absolutely cannot do after work (like getting all that shit with the tags taken care of) but it also makes it seem like I blink and I have to go back to work.

It's not really the family stuff. I love seeing my family and we are helping out my dad, which I feel good about. I think it's mainly because the shit on Friday took a lot longer than I expected and was more stressful and aggravating than I thought it should have been.

It annoys me more because normally on a three day weekend I don't have that blink and it's over sensation but I do today. Friday was the tags, yesterday was family and today I slept in a lot later than I intended to. However, it was the only day this week that I didn't have to wake up to an alarm and I think my body just went into recharge mode. Things are stressful right now (when isn't it) and I guess I'm just waiting for that to break.

But hey, it hasn't in a long time so why should it start now? Because I want it to. That's why.

It also doesn't help that we only have the one car and I have to take it to work every day. When I was not the driver of the carpool and Master had the time to do so He could just run out and take care of a few things here and there. That way on the weekends we could chill and relax or I could just come home and chill right after work.

Instead the big stuff has to wait until the weekends and all the minor running I normally just do after I drop off the other person in the carpool. It makes no sense to drive all the way home, toss Master the keys, and them for Him to run out. It's not that He won't do it or doesn't want to, it just makes more sense to me to just get it all done since I'm out and about anyway. It's also less harsh on the gas tank.

Oh well. Shit happens.

Letting Things Go

We visited my dad today. He had been asking us to come down with our digital camera and take pictures of some things he wants to put up on E-Bay. 

As soon as I walk in the door he asks me to look at a letter he got because he doesn't understand what it all says as it's legal mumbo jumbo. Okay, sure Dad no problem. That son of a bitch set me up. He knew exactly what it said. Wanna know what it was? Of course you do. It was a letter stating that he has been approved for social security disability! I am so happy for him! It is also a load off my mind because now he can keep the place he's in and will finally be able to get all the medical care he needs for his back.

We sat and talked for a while and then Dad brought out his collectables that he wants to try and sell. They are band memorabilia and it's a collection that he and I built together. When I moved in with Master I simply didn't have the room for my collection anymore so I gave it all to my dad knowing that it would be in a good home and that he would appreciate it for all that it was worth. I am not expected a penny out of it obviously. He needs the money and I'm just trying to help him out. Master took the pictures and I took notes as I would be the one putting them up for sale on the internet since my dad doesn't have a computer.

At one point my dad is dusting off one of the items and as he is doing so he says, "Ya know kid this is part of our history that's going away." I couldn't think of anything to say. I could see that it was hurting him to do this. He has been collecting items from this band since 1977. I started collecting when I was 12. It's something that we bonded over and we both loved doing. We would buy each other items for our collections. It was a lot of fun, and now... it's done. It's a little heart breaking on one level but when you need money you need it and you do what you have to do. I support him fully on his decision. And I know that he has made peace with it.

That was really the only down moment though. Other than that my dad and Master worked great together. Dad would tell him exactly how he wanted the shots done. Then Master would take some pictures and show them to my dad. My dad would tell me which pictures he wanted to use and I wrote them all down.

After that was done we sat back down. My dad had been standing too long. The look of pain on his face as he sat was horrible. Like I said, I'm really glad he'll be getting the help he needs for his back.

So tonight I've put up about half of the items he's putting up for sale. I might do a couple more tonight or I might just finish it tomorrow.

Expensive Sticker

I took the whole day off of work today. The tags on our car were really close to expiring. And because the damn DMV is only open until 4:30pm and I had to get the emissions done on the car I wanted to get it knocked out all at one time and I really didn't know how long either would take.

They had recently changed the way they do emissions testing here. Instead of having a government building set up for testing, like that used to, they have decided that you now need to go to a local mechanic that is authorized to do the testing, get your results, and then go to the DMV to get your tags.

The closest one to us only did emissions testing during certain fucked up hours. They started at 10:30am so I got there a little after that. I was sitting there waiting for them to finish and they came back telling me the car had failed emissions. Excuse me?

They haven't done the testing like they did when I was younger in a long time. They used to hook up a machine to your gas cap, put something by your muffler, run your car a bit and then determine whether or not you had passed. Now? Well now they hook up a machine to the computer of your car and base it on that.

They told me I failed because my check engine light was on. Okay, and? Apparently that is now an automatic failing of the emissions test. Fuck. Me. Running.

So I ask them, since they are a mechanic, if they can took a look and see exactly what I need fixed. You know, run the entire diagnostic to find out specifically was wrong with the car. They already had a code but the code could be a few things. They told me that just to run the diagnostic it would be $75. They also would not waive that fee if I decided to go ahead and get the repairs done with them. That's almost how much the damn tags cost. So fuck that.

I called up the mechanic I go to all the time. I trust them. I didn't go there immediately after failing the car because I was already at a mechanic and I wanted to see if they could find out exactly what was wrong with the car and then I would call my mechanic and see how much the fix would be versus what it would be at the place that just ran the emissions test.

So anyway, I go to my mechanic. I gave him the code and he told me he would run the entire diagnostic and then come out and tell me what was wrong and what I would need to fix it. He also told me that if I decided to not get the repair done today then he would have to charge me a $30 diagnostic fee. The price difference is amazing isn't it?

So I tell him to go ahead. So he comes back out and tells me that it was my power steering pressure switch. Please keep in mind that this has absolutely nothing to do with actual emissions. Nothing what so fucking ever. But it was causing the check engine light to be on which is an auto fail. My mechanic tells me what the charges would be. It's not cheap but it could have been a hell of a lot more expensive so I ask him to please do the repair. It only took him 30 minutes and I was on my way. And part of that time was because he had to run and get the part I needed. I love that shop!

They had already driven my car a little bit to make sure the check engine light didn't come back on. As he is handing me my keys he tells me that they have a guarantee that if the fix doesn't get me to pass the emissions he'll fix it for free to make sure I do pass. Again, this diagnosis has nothing to do with emissions but since that is what caused me to fail, he said the guarantee would cover it.

I then drive back to the place that ran the emissions test. They asked me to show proof that a repair was done. So I show them the bill and the dumb ass behind the counter tells me, "Well that has nothing to do with emissions." No shit Sherlock. I then showed him the fail results I got last time and the code that came with it. Moron.

Of course the car passed!

So I drive off to the DMV and get my very, very expensive sticker. At least it's all done now, for another year. But at least next year I don't need to go through emissions again.

Rome Wasn't Built In A Day

I was young when I met Master. I was 20. And you know how it is when you're that young and you fall hard for someone. It's going to last forever! Thankfully, in our situation, so far so good.

But as the post title says, Rome wasn't built in a day. A relationship is also not built in a day. I may be rather young and I was young when I met Him but regardless of your age, if you want to keep a strong and healthy relationship you quickly have to realize that it's work and it takes a lot of time and trust.

I was reading on the boards a little while ago and a "Master" was complaining that they can't get their slave to agree to anal. Sigh. Here we go again, right? Nope. It got worse.

Apparently he met this girl on collar me and they have been together for seven days. They have only met in person once. Keep this all in mind, there is a pop quiz later.

So as I'm reading this I have a lot of questions going on in my brain.

Why are you saying you're getting her to try anal when you've been in a relationship a whole whopping week and only met up once? You just threw that in there immediately?

Why are you already saying you are her "Master" when you've only met once. They said that they talked a lot on collar me. Okay, fine.. but to me it takes more than meeting once in person and a bunch of chatting online to take on that title.

I continue reading the thread as these questions spin round and round. Okay.. he's 21. Fine, whatever. I was young when I met Master. She is 18. Again, fine, whatever.

She's a virgin. Okay, cool. She is a virgin that has been saving herself for a "Master" and has decided that after chatting online, meeting once, and being in a relationship for seven fucking days to give her virginity to this dude next weekend.

*blinks*

*twitch*

Not everyone takes their virginity so seriously that they save it. In fact there aren't a lot of people that do save it anymore. Either way is fine. Doesn't bother me either way. But when you have decided to save yourself for a "Master" and have decided to give it up a week into it... Why the fuck did you bother saving it to begin with? Or is saving it just a codeword for not fucking anyone yet because you haven't wanted to or couldn't get any?

When someone says that they are saving their virginity I immediately think of someone making a decision to wait to have sexual intercourse until they have met the right person and are sure that they are the right person. I think that would take longer than a week.

Yes, I'm being judgmental. I'm a horrible person.

This is just me making a post on my blog about something that passed through my head.

Auto Kegels

This is not an ad. Again, I just wanted to get that out of the way. I have a new product that I'm trying and just wanted to post about it. That's all.

Not that long ago I bought a Smartballs Teneo Uno. I bought it at the same time I bought Master's masturbation toy. I didn't want a sex toy this time around and I had heard good things about Smartballs so I decided to try it.

I hadn't tried it yet since I purchased it but tonight after we got inside from hanging out with some neighbors Master told me to put it in while I do my nightly stuff. So I did. It kind of went in like a tampon. It did take me a minute though. Like I said, I've never had one of these before so I didn't know if I wasn't putting far back enough or too deep or what. So I just put it in and kept it where it felt the most comfortable.

It didn't come with instructions, so I'm doing guess work here.

I can feel it though. It doesn't hurt or anything and it's not an "oohh baby" type sensation either. It's just there. I feel the little ball inside the ball (I guess that's the way to put it?) moving around and I do feel my pelvic muscles reacting to it. It's not strong or anything, just noticeable.

From what I read on the website apparently you're supposed to use this thing five hours a week? I don't know. That's what I read.

This is the first time I've had it in and I don't know if Master wants me using it that often or not.

Apparently this toy is approved by midwives and gynecologists. So.. they must do something.

The site also said this is a training toy and that after four weeks you're supposed to "upgrade" to the duo. I don't know if I'll be doing that or not. I figure I'll use this one, see how often Master actually wants me to use it and if so when. After all that I'll see if I can feel a difference and if He can tell a difference. And once that is said and done I'll ask Master if He wants me to buy the duo.

Titles

You know... the whole one true way or one definite description of a "title" has provoked several different reactions from me over the years.

It used to make me think that maybe I'm not actually a slave because there is no way in hell I would do x, y, z or be perfectly fine with Master doing x, y, z. We all have our limits after all, whatever those may be.

That was a long, long time ago. Then it began to piss me off. I know that we're all essentially using the same titles. Master, slave, Sadist, masochist, Owner, property... You get the picture. And yes, when you look in a dictionary and you look at a certain word that pretty much lays out what that word means. That's it. End of story.

But to me everyone's relationship is different. Everyone expects different things or wants different things from their significant other. Bare with me here. A good translation for me is the titles of Husband and wife. They all mean the same thing, at first glance, but that doesn't mean that every marriage is the same or that every Husband does things this way and every wife does things that way. It's all unique and up to the two people involved.

So, why is it any different when you are talking about the titles of Master and slave?

Beating it to death by saying, "No! This is the one and only way!" is absolute bullshit. That would be like someone walking up to me and telling me I'm not a real wife because I'm not like their wife.

My Husband and I define what our "titles" mean. Okay, more so Master than me but you get the point. Do I make Him happy? Is He pleased with me? Does He still attach those titles to me? Yes to all of the above.

So these days, what is my reaction to the one true way conversations? I laugh. Yep. It's not worth the anger or my getting worked up. It's just funny at this point.

Masturbation

Master and I fucked last night and it was amazing. I had mentioned to Him last night that I wanted to watch Him use the new male masturbation toy that I recently bought Him. He told me maybe tomorrow, He just wanted to fuck. Fine with me!

So today we were just relaxing and enjoying the day. Then about a hour ago I mentioned the toy to Him again. So He said fine, He'd go test it out while I watched.

The last time we used a male masturbation toy He had me move it. But I wanted to just watch. So I got Him hard and lubed up His cock. I used the remaining lube on my fingers to coat the inside of the toy. His cock slid into it a lot easier than the other one we have. As I watched Him jerk off I wanted to kiss Him. But I couldn't. He has a cold sore right now. *sad sigh*

So I was content in just watching Him slide the toy up and down His cock. It's clear so that made it even more hot to watch. I would reach over and play with His balls every once and a while. The hottest part, for me, was watching His cum squirt out and coat the inside of the toy. But hey, that's why money shots are so popular. Right? *wink*

After He was done He went to wash out the toy and then He was going to hop in the shower. We had accidentally spilled some lube and it ended up on His thighs and lower stomach. So He figured that it would just be easier to hop in the shower, plus it would get some hot water on His lower back which hasn't been His friend today.

I was really, really worked up so I asked permission to get myself off. He looked at me a little strangely. I almost never ask to masturbate. But like I said I was really hot and bothered. He granted me permission to do so. As He was hopping into the shower I grabbed some batteries and popped them into my favorite vibrator. I laid on the bed and put one toy inside me, angling it just right and then worked the vibrator against my clit. It didn't take me long to get off at all. It was like I started and about a minute later I was cumming. Yeah. Saying I was worked up from watching Him masturbate with that toy is an understatement.

After He was done with His shower He did comment on how I never masturbate for Him anymore and that when I do it's like pulling teeth sometimes. Well, I'd rather feel hands, mouth and cock over a toy any day of the week so I'd rather get down to it rather than masturbating with toys and then fucking. But, that doesn't matter.

It was like a mental bitch slap. So I told Him that I will be better about that and that I would like to masturbate for Him later on tonight. Although I do have to say that since I started watching Him masturbate, especially after today, I realize why He likes watching me masturbate so much. It's put a whole new perspective on things in that regard.

He also told me to throw out the other masturbation toy we have for Him and to keep the new one. Apparently the new one felt a lot better and as I said it was a hell of a lot easier to get His thick cock inside it.

Breaking It In

Okay, I promise this will be the last post about the TV, but I'm excited about it.. so yeah.

His mother called at 8:30am this morning. That is way too early on a Saturday. She wanted to know if we could come down earlier than 1pm because her new TV delivery time had changed to 1pm. Okay fine. That's no problem.

Master still had to take His shower and everything so we left here at about 11:30am. We stopped at the gas station and got some coffee on our way down. We got there a little after noon. We went in and they were moving shit around because today they are getting their new TV and tomorrow they are getting their new furniture.

We weren't there long at all, thankfully. Master and His mother's husband moved the TV from the condo into the back of our car. I'm really glad that we own a hatchback and that the back seats lay down. Other wise that TV wouldn't have fit in the car. I had brought a comforter with for the TV to lay on in the back of the car. And then to make sure the TV didn't slide all over the place on the drive home I had to sit in the back. I'm short and all that but I still had to duck down so my head wouldn't smack into the ceiling of the car every time we hit a small bump.

Finally we were home. I ran inside, locked up the dog, and opened the patio door as wide as it would go. I ran back out and then grabbed one end of the TV. It wasn't as heavy as I thought it would be. Master and I were able to carry it rather easily.

We set it down on the couch, took the old TV off the entertainment center and put it in the back room and then finally placed the new TV on the entertainment center.

It took us a while to get it all hooked up. It's an HDTV. We've never had one before. And our Xbox 360 has HD cords. So we had to figure all that out and eventually we figured out that there was an HD switch on one of the cords for the Xbox 360, which is why we couldn't get it working right. That was a face palm moment.

Finally we were able to sit back and stare at it in awe. To break it in we watched the first Terminator movie. Awesome sauce. After that Master and I played some video games together. Currently He is playing video games while I make this post.

Oh, and later? Yeah, later we'll be watching porn on it. That's right. Porn. And you wanna know what? I'm the one who suggested it. Master kind of laughed at me when I brought it up but He agreed.

However, while we were watching the Terminator movie everything looked huge. We went from a 32inch tube TV to a 42inch flat screen TV. That's a big fucking change.

Anyway, since everything looked huge Master looked at me and basically made a joke about how all the guys in the porno were going to be hung, simply because of the TV size. What did I retaliate with? Roast beef. Yeah. I said it. I'm sure a lot of you know exactly what I'm referring to. *laughs* That made Master cringe.

It should be interesting and very fucking funny.

Okay, I'm done posting about the TV now. I'm a little manic because I'm so excited about it. So I thought I would babble about it here instead of driving Master absolutely nuts about it.

Almost There

It's Thursday! I just have one more day of work to get through and the weekend will be here. *jumps for joy*

Master was saying tonight that it's only one more day until we get the new TV. I was picking on His about how He was more excited about the TV than spending extra time with me. He shot right back with: "Like you're not excited about it!"

Well, yeah. Good point. I am excited about getting a new TV. It's new tech. Of course I'm excited. I'm just hoping we can transport it safely and get it all hooked up without a problem. It should be fine.

And then we have all weekend to enjoy it. We'll have to load some stuff up on Netflix so we can "test" the new TV properly. *nods*

I know this all probably sounds pretty stupid but I've never had a flat screen TV. Hell, I've never had a 42inch TV.

But aside from the excitement over a new-to-us TV there isn't a lot going on this weekend. I'm sure at some point we'll see the neighbors for a little while but other than that it should be quiet. Which is a good thing. Next weekend is going to be busy as hell.

And that is exactly the reason why I took next Friday off from work. It was only my half-day so I figured I'll take the four hours off. Fuck it.

The Tour

One thing that sucks about living a good 45 minutes away from family is trying to plan everything so that you can get them in one trip basically. I call it the Family Tour. It's just easier on the car and easier on the wallet, gas money wise. So basically what this Saturday was supposed to be was visit my mom, then my dad and then on the way back home stop at my mother-in-law's house to pick up the TV.

That, my friends, is a lot in one Saturday. But we were going to try to make it work. The deadline to get to my mother-in-law's house was 4pm. So that means shoving my mother and then my dad's visits in before 3:30pm so we'd still get to His mom's on time.

But, as I said, we wanted to make it work. We were going to go to my mother's, then my dad's and then be at His mom's by 4pm. But ya see, plans changed. My mother couldn't have us there until 2pm and my dad couldn't have us over until early afternoon. Yeah. So what? Thirty minutes a piece? That doesn't make any damn sense.

So I got home from work tonight and started talking to Master about it. Originally we were going to make next weekend the weekend to sit at home. But because of how this upcoming Saturday's plans were going... fuck that noise.

So I called my mom first to see if it would be okay to switch to next Saturday for her. She said yes, but we couldn't be there until 2pm. Okay fine. So then I called my dad and asked if we could switch him to next Saturday too. He said that wouldn't be a problem. Rock on.

Then I called my mother-in-law and asked her what time we can stop by this Saturday. She said 1pm. Awesome. So, all we have to do on Saturday is go to His mom's for a very short while, pick up our new-to-us TV, come home and get it all set up.

She may want us to stay and visit for a little while but we'll just tell her no thank you and lie saying we have other things to go do. I'm hoping to just pick up the TV and go. Lets hope it goes that way. This also means that we'll be back home by 2:30 at the latest (hopefully) and will be able to get the TV set up and relax the rest of the weekend.

*pants*

Okay... I think that's everything.

One For Me & One For You

No, this isn't an ad. I just wanted to get that out of the way.

I had been curious about those kegel toys that I read a lot about. So I finally broke down and bought one. It's the Smartballs Tenuo Uno. I got the purple and white one. I didn't really care about the color so I just kind of picked one at random. I'm not sure when I'll try it, but I have a feeling it'll be sometime this weekend. This should prove to be interesting.

I'm excited and curious. But I'm also a little nervous. I have no idea why I'm nervous. It's just another version of a sex toy for crying out loud. I think it's because I've never used a toy like this and when I read about them it doesn't really tell me a whole hell of a lot. So yeah. Plus it's not just a toy to get off with. So that is new as well.

I didn't want Master to feel left out through, so I bought Him another male masturbation toy. He doesn't use them on His own. I either watch while He uses it on Himself or I use the toy to jack Him off.

We've had two male masturbation toys in the past. The first one was fucking ridiculous and Master had a really hard time getting off from it. So we threw that one away.

The second one we still have and He likes it when I use it on Him but honestly it's really fucking difficult to get His thick cock in the damn toy. It's not a difficult toy. I mean you get Him hard, you slide the toy on and enjoy! But because His cock is really thick it takes a while to get the toy to open up wide enough and then to make sure it doesn't slide back off due to resistance.

It's like doing a really difficult math problem while trying to make sure He keeps an erection. It's frustrating so we've only used it a handful of times. I'm sure we'll try it again at some point.

I'm hoping the one we got today isn't as difficult to put His dick into and that He enjoys it.

I'm sure I'll post about both of them at some point once we've "tested" them.

Wedding Bells

One of Master's oldest friends, BC, is getting married in November. I know I've posted before about how Master doesn't want to go and all that, but apparently we are going. And guess what? Master is one of the best men. Yes, there are two. Why? Because BC's fiance couldn't make up her mind as to who to have as her maid of honor, so she has two of them. So to match, BC has two best men.

BC picked Master up today to go out to lunch and to get Master fitted for His tux. He's going to wear a tux. I never thought I'd see the day. He wore a really nice suit when we got married and He looked damn good in it too. Master does not want to wear a tux. He hates them with a passion. But.. He doesn't have a choice in the wardrobe, so He's stuck.

I, however, am not part of the bridal party. I am still going to the wedding, obviously. It sounds like this wedding is going to be a lot more formal than any wedding I've ever been to. And I've been to two of them. Our wedding and my mother's wedding to her current husband. Neither were formal in any way, shape, or form. Both times the "dress code" was please don't wear jeans, other than that... come on in! So just the fact that Master is going to be wear a tux means that yeah, it's a lot more formal.

Since I'm not in the wedding party though that will mean that I'm sitting by myself during the ceremony itself.. no big deal. That also means that I will be sitting alone at the reception since Master will be at the head table.

Well, that is... if Master didn't have other things in mind. He doesn't plan on me sitting by myself at the reception. He either wants me sitting next to Him at the head table or He'll make His toast and then come sit by me. I'm not sure how well this is going to go over, but Master has made up His mind. Yes, we realize that this isn't about us. Duh. But BC knows Master very well and he also knows the dynamic we're in. Master plans on talking to him about it. For all we know there may not be an actual head table. At least Master is hoping there isn't. (We didn't have one.. or a seating chart.. sit down and eat!)

So we'll see where that goes and what BC says. Master obviously doesn't have to worry about what He's wearing, other than the fact that He's going to moan and gripe the entire time He's in that monkey suit. So now I just have to figure out what the hell I'm wearing. I'm not going out and spending a lot of money on an outfit, I'll tell you that. We also have to figure out what to get them as a gift. Normally, it'd be pretty easy. But since they are living with BC's parents they don't need the usual newlywed stuff.. you know.. things for the home. Fuck. Suggestions anyone?

Taking Bribes Part II

Remember that bribe Master and I accepted from His mother? Well, today was the day we went down there to help out.

In the original "bargain" it was supposed to only be the living room and dining room. It didn't quite turn out that way. We started taping the edges and the windows and all that happy stuff. Once we were done we asked when we should start painting. That was when we were asked to tape off everything in the kitchen and the staircase. Um. Okay?

So we taped everything off and Master took off the railing on the staircase. It was going slower than we originally anticipated. His mother didn't help at all, which we figured. But we didn't think she was going to slow the whole process down by getting in everyone's way and constantly asking questions. Oh well. We worked around her.

We had lunch and then got back to work painting. Thankfully we didn't have to do the entire kitchen because they are tiling part of the wall. And my mother-in-law's husband didn't have everything he needed to paint the stair case. So we got out of that as well. But even with painting the living room, dining room and half the kitchen it was taking forever. Master and I were knocking it out but then Master would be asked to go do this, grab that, hold this.. you get the picture. It also didn't help that we only had one regular sized roller. So I got a regular paintbrush and a very tiny roller. Oh well, I made do. I did one full wall in the kitchen and everywhere else I painted as high as I could without a ladder and then Master came in and finished that up. I painted one whole wall in the dining room and I did have to stand on a chair for that. Master wasn't very happy about that but we were trying to knock it out so He didn't gripe too much. Oh, I also did all of the edging that I could possibly reach. It sucks being short sometimes but that's the great thing about my being short and Master being tall. He goes high and I go low. It goes quicker that way.

We were more than surprised to see what time it was when we were actually done. It was 6pm. We had gotten there at 10am. We honestly didn't think it was going to take that long. We were thinking that we would be out of there by 3pm. But because none of the prep work was done and none of the furniture had been moved we basically started from scratch and couldn't go as fast as we normally would have because of His mom and her husband moving slow as shit.

But you know what? I don't care. I mean it sucks that it's almost 9pm already and I have to work tomorrow but we're getting more than we thought we would out of the deal. We got one of the recliners tonight and brought it home. We threw Master's old one out first though. And now, since we are going down to my hometown to visit family on this upcoming Saturday we are swinging back at their place to do another pick up. They had offered us another rocking recliner but when we got home Master looked around and basically said we don't have enough room.

Our living room isn't small but it's oddly shaped. We have a computer desk, a large dog kennel, an entertainment center, a rocker recliner, a couch and an end table. That pretty much takes up most of the space. And there really isn't a way to rearrange the furniture to make room for the second rocker recliner. I was disappointed, I'll admit. I was hoping to have my own rocker recliner because I love them and haven't had one in a really long time. *sigh* I was hoping there was a way we could rearrange the furniture but apparently not.

But they also told us that because they are buying a brand new TV we can have the one they currently have. It's only a few years old and it's a really fucking nice TV. It's a 42inch flat screen TV! We still have a tube TV. Yes, I know.. we're way behind the times. So yes, I don't get my own recliner, which blows, but we are getting a huge upgrade of a TV! I can't really complain. So we'll be picking that up on Saturday!

Busy Friday

It has been a long but really good day. Well, minus the whole going to work part. I had a half day at work today but the rest of the day was absolutely booked but in a good way.

About 15 minutes after I walked in the door from work we had to leave again. We went down to visit my father. I hadn't seen him in a little while. It was kind of weird realizing that he's living by himself. This is the first time in his 51 years that he has ever lived on his own. He went from his parents, to my mom, to a girlfriend, to another girlfriend.. and now it's just him. He actually seems to be enjoying it though. I was worried he'd be depressed or really down or something along those lines but he was actually in a really good mood. We stayed for about three hours. We would have stayed longer but we had dinner plans with Master's brother and his family.

The visit with my dad went really well though. It was like having my father bank. That may sound weird but for the past three years, about the time he started dating his most recent ex-girlfriend he had changed. He just wasn't himself. Now that she isn't in the picture he's back to being the dad I know. We sat around, talked, joked around and Dad busted out some pictures of when I was younger and some pictures of his past cars.

From my dad's we came home just long enough to take the dog out and feed him and we were right back out the door. Dinner was a lot of fun too.

It was Master, myself, His brother, His brother's wife and their two little ones. We just sat around and talked while we ate. The kids were behaving themselves so we got a lot more talking in than usual. It was good catching up with them.

Now we're home for the night. It was a great day, it really was but now my shoulders are screaming at me. I think it's because I've been running since 7am and I'm not used to being in a car that much in one day. It was a lot of driving and even though I wasn't always the one driving... it just all added up. Now I'm off to go take my shower. After that Master said He would work on my shoulders.

I Don't Get It

There is something that I've been reading quite a bit about on Fet. It's called rape play. Now, please do not confuse this in any way, shape, or form about condoning actual rapes. Those people are sick.

But rape play is something that I don't quite understand. From what I was reading they set it all up and they know each other and they discuss what can and cannot happen... I just don't see it I guess.

I like being forced and I love rough sex but I guess I just don't see how a rape play scene could be acted out with a couple.

For instance, Master and I have been together for 9 1/2 years. Needless to say we know one another inside and out. Would I mind coming around a corner in the apartment and being grabbed and forcefully fucked? Of course not. Hell, it's happened and I loved it.

But I wouldn't call that rape play. I would call that really rough sex and a pleasant surprise.

I just look at it in a different way. After all, He already has control and we both love rough sex... so...um.. yeah. That's not a rape play scene. I guess in my mind the only way you can really have a rape play scene is if you hardly know the person or have only talked to them online and have planned it all out and the scene would be your first actual face to face meeting.

I don't know about you, but that sounds pretty dangerous to me.

Then again reading some other things on Fet has made me look at the screen and go ... "Well that's rather stupid of you."

It's mainly the lets jump into this over night and oh my god I'm totally your slave within a matter of 24 hours. I call shenanigans on that shit. Then there is that whole is it okay to love your Master thing that I read quite often.

I honestly couldn't submit to Master if I didn't love Him. I know other people are different but that's exactly why the question doesn't make sense to me. Everyone is different. Some people can't submit without love and others can't submit to someone they are in love with. And of course there are all the areas in between those two extremes.

When you're looking for legitimate advice/input or just trying to strike a conversation up because you're curious as to what others think on the subject.. that's one thing. But asking others how it should be done goes over my head completely.

It reminds me of that one "one true way" bullshit. I always shook my head at that kind of thing. We're doing what is right for us.. so fuck off.

Everyone has to start somewhere and I understand that. Master and I fumbled for a while trying to figure out what worked for us because this was our first and only power exchange based relationship. But this isn't an A to B situation. No relationship should be a cookie cutter of how things "should" be according to others. Where is the fun in that?

Hell, if we had based any part of our relationship on what others thought it should be.. I would hate it and I would be bored out of my mind, as would Master.

Being Medicated Is A Good Thing

It's a damn good thing I'm medicated. There are some things outside of our control right now that are stressing me the fuck out. Add to that other stress factors, none of which I will post here, and well... I'm sure without the medications I'd be bat shit psycho right about now. However, since I am in fact medicated I think I'm handling everything rather well.

I will admit that it's not always easy though. I told Master today that sometimes I don't know if I want to scream or cry or maybe both at the same time. I haven't screamed, and I mean an actual scream, in a very long time.

I use to do it just to make me feel better when I was really stressed out or really fucking pissed off. I would just walk in a park and go to a nice heavily wooded area and let out one good scream. By the time I was done I was out of breath but I felt a hell of a lot better.

I haven't done that since I was a teenager. Why? Well, I'm not exactly sure. I don't think there is a park I could do that in anymore that would immediately draw attention. And in that exact moment I don't want attention and I sure in the hell don't want someone thinking that someone is getting murdered.

I don't cry all that much either though. Only when I get incredibly overwhelmed and then I cry quietly or at least as quietly as possible.

But now I have Master and He helps a lot. He'll talk and listen. He'll hold me. He'll pet my hair. He'll basically do anything and everything that He thinks will help center me again. I am a very lucky girl.

I'm Going To Murder My Alarm Clock

For the past two or three weeks (somewhere in between there anyway) I have been waking up at 5am for no reason what so fucking ever. You know what the funny thing is? It's only on work days. I don't do it on the weekends. How screwed up is that? You would think that my body would do that on weekends too since it's a very timely thing.

Literally, every work day morning I wake up at 5am on the dot. My alarm doesn't go off until 6:30am. I am stubborn and basically refuse to get out of bed on a work day until I absolutely have to. Fuck that noise. So instead I roll over onto my side and hope that I am able to drift back off to sleep again for another hour and a half.

Sometimes it works and other times I don't doze off until about 20 minutes before the alarm goes off. But it doesn't seem to matter. Have you ever noticed that if you wake up before your alarm and you're able to go back to sleep it seems like only 5 minutes have gone by when your alarm goes off? Or is that just me?

It's probably just me. *sigh*

This morning when it went off I was so frustrated by this for the past however many weeks that I wanted to take the alarm clock and slam it repeatedly into the wall. Yes, I know that is not a logical reaction. Do I care? Not really. Why? Because I was able to stop myself from doing so.

Plus I can only imagine how Master would have reacted had He been woken up by the noise of an alarm clock being thrown into a wall while I'm cussing at the stupid thing. I don't think He would be pleased. No, not at all.

I was actually talking to Master about this tonight. He said He knows how much that sucks but then reminded me that I always seem to do that during season changes. When He said that I thought about it a minute or two and realized that He was right.

I always find it weird that He remembers that kind of stuff about me but I never seem to until He points it out. I mean it's great that He pays that much attention but He seems to know me better than I know myself. *smiles* Then again, maybe that's how it should be.

Suggestions?

I have seen quite a few kegel toys and I sometimes wonder if I should try one out. I do kegels on my own. Master has never complained. In fact He stretches me as it is when He shoves His cock inside me. But ya know, I guess I kind of worry about such things as I don't want to "loosen up" as time goes by. Like I said I do regular kegels but I'm wondering what the benefits to a toy would be. Specifically those kegel balls that I see a lot of.

I've read that they not only help in regards to strengthening but also by intensifying orgasms. I don't know a lot about them though.

Like I said, Master has never complained or anything like that. But still. I'm somewhat curious.

I would appreciate any input!

One thing I am slightly worried about, and I don't even know if it's a valid concern, is that if I use them then I'll become even more sensitive when attempting to have anal sex. Like I said I don't know if that's a legitimate concern or not. I just know that I'm already sensitive as hell and I don't want to increase that sensitivity level. That would totally work against me and what I'm working towards, which is being able to have anal sex more frequently and being able to get off from it again. I was able to once without any other stimulation and I would like to experience that again.

I've tried looking at some of the reviews but they don't really tell me a lot. Well, at least the ones I've read so far haven't.

I honestly haven't dabbled with a lot of different sex toys to begin with. It's been the usual stuff. Vibrators, dildos, anal toys. That's about it. (That's not including bondage items and things that inflict pain by the way...) Hell it wasn't until last year that we tried a male masturbation sleeve on Master. He enjoyed it and I enjoyed using it on Him but it's not something we want to do frequently.

Ideas? Suggestions? Anything?

Anything in regards to the kegel toys or anal sex would be appreciated!

Taking Bribes

Master got an interesting e-mail last night. Not that long ago His mother had asked us to come down for a visit. We didn't really want to go so we used gas prices as an excuse basically.

Well, now she wants us to help her with something. (Nothing unusual there.) She sent Him an e-mail basically stating that she wants to repaint her living room and dining room and she wants us to help. We helped the first time. That was years ago. Master, my mother-in-law's husband and I painted both rooms while she was at work. It doesn't take long as her condo isn't all that big. Plus, I love painting. I really do.

Anyway, I guess she is sick of the colors. How surprising. I remember the first time we painted, she had picked out the colors but when she got home you could tell she didn't care for how it turned out. Not because of the job we had done but because she didn't like the how the colors turned out looking on her walls.

So why was this e-mail so interesting? She is bribing us. I think she caught onto the fact that we have gotten sick of helping them do shit and getting nothing in return in regards to favors. I know that probably sounds bad but we have done a lot of favors for her and have received none back.

What's the bribe? Well, if we help her paint we'll get $100 and two living room chairs. I know exactly what chairs too. Like I said, she has a small living room. She has a couch and two recliners. She is probably giving us those two recliners, which I can't bitch about. They are nice chairs. Whenever she decides to redecorate the furniture changes too. That's how we got the couch we currently have. We got the couch for painting the place the first time.

She doesn't like returning favors, so she bribes us instead. Not often. This is the second bribe we have received.

Master accepted the bribe and told her that either this upcoming Saturday or Sunday would be best for us. She responded stating that it would most likely be Saturday but she'll let us know for sure. We have no idea what time but it'll probably be early.

I Miss Being Scared

I know it's only the beginning of September but it seems as soon as the fall weather starts, even if it's only for a few days, I want to start watching horror movies. I blame this on my father. He is all about Halloween and I admit it is my favorite holiday, even though these days I can't/don't do a lot to celebrate it.

Today it feels a little bit like fall. I was looking all over Netflix for horror movies that we can stream. To be perfectly honest, nothing really looked like something I wanted to watch. Don't get me wrong, I have quite a few horror movie favorites but I've seen them so many times. The few things that popped into my head that I haven't seen in a while wasn't available for streaming. Fuck.

Then of course there are the horror movies I haven't seen. But I couldn't find anything that sounded interesting enough to sit through. I'm not into b-horror. There aren't any cult horror films that I would find interesting that I haven't watched to death. All the "new" horror movies either sound stupid as fuck, are remakes, prequels or sequels. Doesn't anyone have a good original idea left for a horror movie? We can't possibly have done it all already. Seriously?

Ugh. It also doesn't help that I haven't been actually scared by a horror movie since I was a 14. I'm serious. I may have jumped a couple times due to a loud noise or something but I haven't been scared. I have been grossed out though. That has happened.

But I miss the feeling of watching horror movies all night and then being scared to go into a dark room. Or going to bed and immediately thinking there is a serial killer in your room because the floor creaked. Seeing a shadow move across the room from your window and being freaked out by it. I miss it. A lot.

I guess you could say I'm a horror movie junkie. But not any horror movie will do. And some of the things labeled as horror these days are just ridiculous.

*sigh*

Protect Yourself

Apparently there are some very creepy things going on over at my sister-in-law's house. My Husband's brother works a good half hour from home. I know that doesn't seem like a long time but they have two very young children. One is three and the other is almost a year old and they don't live in a really great part of town. It's not the ghetto or anything like that, it's just a little.... shifty.

The past few weeks some really creepy shit has been happening while my brother-in-law is at work. Just the other day she was sitting at home with their two little ones and some guy was sitting outside their place in his van for an extended period of time. She thought it odd but didn't really think too much of it. She had gone outside to get something, I think it was the mail, and suddenly this guy starts yelling at her and asking about some guy she doesn't know. She ran back in and locked the door and this dude was pounding on the door almost the minute she shut it. She called the cops and then her husband (my brother-in-law). The guy was gone before either of them got there.

Now he is really pushing for her to get her concealed carry license. He recently got his and has been trying to convince her that she should get one too. Why? Because you don't know when bad shit is going to happen. He wants her to be able to protect herself if he isn't there as well as their children. I don't blame him. It's one of those things that you hope you never have to use but if you do need to, at least you are able to do so.

I personally also want a concealed carry license. Master wants one too and wants me to get one. It is a really recent thing in this state. It just got passed this year that we can have one. The only problem is that when I try to look up the information on the internet there is a lot of places offering the classes but they are way out of the way. I want something closer to home. I also don't really know how much they cost, the class I mean. I also don't know the fee for applying for one.

I do not own a weapon but I want the license so that when I do decide to get one I already have the paperwork side of things covered.

When I heard all this crazy shit going on at their house though it brought it back to the forefront of my mind. It had been placed way back there for a while because there is just so much other shit going on right now. So I sent an e-mail to my brother-in-law to try and get some facts on all of this. I figure that since he already has his, he'll be able to tell me more about it. 

Make Up Your Mind!

I wasn't feeling that great today. I woke up with a sinus headache. I didn't want to take a sinus pill before driving so I just took it to work with me. They make me feel sluggish. Even with the pill though I felt like shit all damn day.

It was like they couldn't decide what temperature to keep the building at. I would be freezing but tail off so I would put on my light jacket. (I keep one at work because this isn't unusual.) Then I would get hot so I would take it off. It was back and forth all fucking day.

And my sinuses would yo-yo with the damn temperature. I would be stuffed up and then my nose would run. I couldn't stop sneezing for a good hour. By the time I got out of work I felt like absolute shit. I was worried that maybe I was getting a cold or something. Normally my sinuses aren't that bad.

But on the way home I started to feel better and by the time we had dinner I felt fine. I wasn't 100% but I was a hell of a lot better than I felt at work. We sat outside for a while, so I figured that if I really am getting sick that will let me know for sure. We just came back in and I feel fine. I have a bit of a headache, but that's not unusual for me. I get headaches for absolutely no reason, because my body loves me so much.

I'm mainly worried about getting sick at work because of the sudden temperature changes and then walking outside and going back in. When I'm sick I don't so much worry about myself, but I'm afraid of possibly getting Master sick. He has an immune disorder so I am very wary of getting Him sick simply because I'm around. That has happened once or twice and I feel really bad about it even though I know it's not really my fault. Thankfully I've never given Him anything worse than a head cold and it didn't turn into anything worse when He caught it.

I'm hoping that tomorrow it's not as bad and I won't feel like my head is about to explode.

Tokens

I was reading FetLife earlier today and came across a thread basically asking what you would do with your collar if your relationship ended. It also asked who the collar should go to, the slave or the Master.

I commented on it, naturally.

For me it depends on the situation.

I currently do not wear my collar as it caused my metal allergy to act up and we don't feel the need to replace it. So now I just wear my wedding ring and cuff. Right now that collar, and my past collars, are kept in a safe place. I feel the need and desire to keep them as does Master.

So here are the different scenarios and how I would react to them.

If it was just the dynamic that we were dropping, but we remained married and in love I would keep the collars. To me it would be no different than keeping other things that we have gotten each other over the years or pictures. It happened. We're still together, it's just not something we are doing anymore. So I would want to keep them safe.

If the unthinkable were to happen and we had decided to get a divorce... well first off I would assume that the collar(s) would remain with Him. I'm not sure why but I see it differently than I do a wedding ring. I wouldn't assume He would get the wedding ring back but I would think that with the collar. I'm not really sure how to explain why though. I mean, they are both symbols of a commitment that is no longer held between the two of us, ya know? But as I said, that is how I see it.

Now, if He decided that He didn't want them and that He would rather that I take them with me, I would probably either tell Him to throw them out or I would just throw them out myself. If I'm not with Him, then I do not want them. The same would be true with the wedding ring. I wouldn't keep it. They are both symbols of our commitment to one another and that is now null and void so why would I want to hold onto it?

I know that some people keep their wedding/engagement rings after a divorce but I have never really understood why unless they are family heirlooms. That is about the only time that I can honestly understand it.

If He were to pass away I would keep it all. Every. Single. Piece. I would also continue to wear my wedding ring. I would say the same about the collar, but like I said I can't wear that now anyway.

Busy Night

After I got off of work and dropped off the other person in my carpool I swung back home and called Master asking Him to bring me His card. I needed His card to do errands. I know I was being lazy by not walking into the apartment and all that but Master said it was okay when I talked to Him about it earlier.

Much to my surprise and delight when Master walked out to the car, rather than simply handing me His card, He got into the car and had apparently decided to run errands with me. I was happy because it meant a few things.

1. I really hate running that many errands by myself in one trip. It seems to take forever!
2. Master and I haven't been running a lot of errands together lately. 
3. I don't have to carry everything inside by myself!

While we were driving to our first stop I told Master about my day. The first stop was the vet. We had to pick up our dog's heart worm pill.  That took longer than expected because at first the lady couldn't find the heart worm medication, then she grabbed the wrong one, and finally had to ask where the right brand and weight size were. Apparently they were in the storage room. Oh well, at least it was taken care of.

After that we went to the pet store to get our dog's food. Thankfully that was pretty painless. We then drove to K-Mart. We found one of the things we were after but not the other even after checking four different aisles. Is it just me or does K-Mart never have any employees around to help? It seems they are all at check out and that's it.

Okay, three down... two to go. The last two were quick, thankfully. We had to go to the gas station and then after that, just to make life easy, we got Little Caesars for dinner.

We finally got in the door and put everything away. We happily munched on our cheap and easy dinner while watching Netflix. We had decided earlier that we were going to clean out some of the closets in the apartment. It figures we didn't think of it over the four day weekend.. *laughs*

By the time we were done doing that we were both dripping sweat. You can only really feel the air conditioning in the living room. Plus we were lifting heavy shit and moving shit aside to get at the stuff we wanted to through out... you get the picture.

Master hopped in the shower first. As soon as He was done I hopped in. Now we're just taking it easy and enjoying the cold air in the living room.

Back to Reality

It's the last day of my four day weekend. It has been wonderful and relaxing for the most part. The only problem with having an extended period of time off of work is not so much having to go back, for me, as it is having to get up early.

When I am off work and we don't really have anything to do that day that can't be done later in the afternoon I do not set my alarm. Fuck that noise. As a result, I sleep in and enjoy being able to look at the clock if I wake up for a few minutes and realize that hey, I don't have to get up if I don't want to. If I look next to me and Master isn't awake yet either I just roll over and go back to bed.

This is why it's so hard for me to go back to work. Yes, getting up early in the morning is a pain in the ass and I hate it. I am in no way a morning person. But what sucks more is trying to go to bed at a half way decent time the night before. Yes, eventually Master will just tell me to go to bed. But that doesn't mean I fall asleep right away. I'll have my alarm set, the light in the bedroom is off and the bedroom door is closed so that none of the light from the living room sneaks it's way in... but I just can't fall asleep. I'll lay there tossing and turning trying to get into a comfortable enough position that I'll drift off to sleep but normally it just doesn't happen.

This has happened before where I have literally been in bed for three hours before I finally fall asleep. But I'm not disobeying Master. I'm in bed. I'm not trying to read a book or anything. But my body just will not shut off.

I'm hoping that tonight is not one of those nights. Normally I wouldn't be doing this post until about 9-9:30pm. It's a little before 8pm right now. I wanted to get my nightly stuff checked off my list as early as possible tonight so that I don't have to rush through them later and then feel like I didn't get any down time before bed.

Hopefully Master allows me to stay up a little.

Dad & Grandpa

Yesterday was my dad's birthday. I tried calling him about four or five times but each time I did it went straight to a message saying, "I'm sorry, but this voice mailbox is full."

What the fuck? Dad doesn't even use voice mail. He has an answering machine. I asked my brother and apparently he had the same problem. Well, not much I could do about it. I live 45 minutes away so it's not like I could drive down there just to wish him a happy birthday. So I basically told my brother that if got a hold of my dad (he just turned 51) to let him know that I did in fact try to call yesterday. I just didn't want him to think that I forgot.

Well, today was my grandfather's birthday. He just turned 74. I called and I was a little surprised that he picked up. I know that normally on a Sunday he goes to the hospital for his physical therapy. But he did! I was half expecting just a quick five minute conversation too. It's not that he doesn't like me or that we're on bad terms, it's just that he's been shying away from the family a little more as he's getting older. It reminds me of how an animal, when it gets old or is close to death it'll separate itself from the pack or group.

I'm glad I was wrong about the whole short conversation thought though. I wished him a happy birthday and he was really pleased that I called. I actually had a good 25 minute conversation with him. He asked how we were doing and told me about how his health is. He told me about how he's having my uncle come out and help him more with the more physical things around the house as he's noticing that he can't do a lot of it since he had the pacemaker put in. He also got a new dog. His last one passed away and he waited a little less than a week until he got his new dog. He said he just felt so alone and couldn't take it any longer. I totally know where he is coming from on that.

His new dog is 8 years old and deaf and apparently totally obsessed with Grandpa. *smiles*

He sounds like he's doing really well, all things considered. Also, Grandpa gave me my dad's new phone number. It's a little odd that Dad didn't call me to let me know, but whatever. So once I was off the phone with him I called my dad and left a message saying that I hadn't forgotten, I just didn't have his new phone number.

It Doesn't Have To Be Complicated

There are some kinksters out there that enjoy things that, to me, seem rather complicated and time consuming.

In fact one of our friends was at one time allowed to come over and give me some "commands".  Master found it amusing and I just basically did what Master told me to do, which was to listen to His friend for a little while. Of course the friend didn't have full range, he had quite a few limits.

Anyway, this friend was really into rope bondage. And not just quick and dirty rope bondage either. Quick and dirty robe bondage to me is basically like, okay.. you can't move? Good. And the fun begins! Nope. This guy likes that really intricate type rope bondage. Now, I'm not saying that's a bad fetish or kink or whatever. I am simply going to say that I do not enjoy it.... and I'll tell you why.

It bores the hell out of me. I swear that if I hadn't been standing up the whole time I probably would have fallen asleep by the time he was done. So I'm standing there.... and standing there... and standing there. Finally, he's done. Finally!

This rather time consuming project is completed. Now, I hadn't really been paying attention while he was putting this rope here and that rope there. I just knew I had to stand there and be still. I only had to move when he told me to. Whatever. I basically let my mind wander the whole time. So, when it was all said and done he was more than pleased with himself. Me? I looked down and realized something that didn't make any sense to me at all. Yes, I'm all tied up and the rope is rather intricately placed. *shrugs* Whatever. But ya know what? There wasn't a damn thing you could do. Now I'm not talking about my not being able to move. I'm saying that aside from a blowjob (and even that would have been difficult given how the rope was placed near my shoulders and neck) there was no way to have any fun. Fun of course meaning sex. You couldn't have even moved a rope aside to fuck. It was that intricate and that tight.

Now, I didn't want to fuck this guy. I really didn't. That did end up happening on a separate occasion because Master wanted to watch, but that isn't the point.

The point is that if Master had done that I would have been severely disappointed. Okay... so I'm tied up and it looks pretty. Now what? Now we have to take all this damn rope off so You can fuck me ten ways from Sunday. What the shit?!

I like it quick and dirty. If I'm tied up, make sure you have access to all the fun parts!

Personally, I prefer everything hands on. I love it when Master pins me to the mattress with His hands or chokes me or when I'm on my back and He holds my ankles back so far that my knees are touching the mattress while He's fucking me.

Quick and dirty is where it's at for me. Thankfully Master feels the same way.