Being Medicated Is A Good Thing

It's a damn good thing I'm medicated. There are some things outside of our control right now that are stressing me the fuck out. Add to that other stress factors, none of which I will post here, and well... I'm sure without the medications I'd be bat shit psycho right about now. However, since I am in fact medicated I think I'm handling everything rather well.

I will admit that it's not always easy though. I told Master today that sometimes I don't know if I want to scream or cry or maybe both at the same time. I haven't screamed, and I mean an actual scream, in a very long time.

I use to do it just to make me feel better when I was really stressed out or really fucking pissed off. I would just walk in a park and go to a nice heavily wooded area and let out one good scream. By the time I was done I was out of breath but I felt a hell of a lot better.

I haven't done that since I was a teenager. Why? Well, I'm not exactly sure. I don't think there is a park I could do that in anymore that would immediately draw attention. And in that exact moment I don't want attention and I sure in the hell don't want someone thinking that someone is getting murdered.

I don't cry all that much either though. Only when I get incredibly overwhelmed and then I cry quietly or at least as quietly as possible.

But now I have Master and He helps a lot. He'll talk and listen. He'll hold me. He'll pet my hair. He'll basically do anything and everything that He thinks will help center me again. I am a very lucky girl.