Busy Work Day

The past two days at work have been extremely busy. Which is good as far as the work day goes by quickly. The sucky thing is that our supervisor cut our allowed amount of overtime. We are currently only allowed to have three hours of overtime per pay period. Which means three hours of overtime for a two week period.

So instead of just clocking in early and getting to it like I would normally do, I have to wait until my normal time to clock in or only clock in about 15 minutes early. Those small amounts of time add up fast, and the last thing I need is to get in trouble at work for working too much. So I try and watch it.

It just really sucks as far as timing goes, since the holidays are coming up and we have to spend money we don't really have to at least get some things for the people closest to us.

But hopefully we can still get a little something for everyone.

Although I'm not freaking out about the money situation like I use to before the medication. I mean I still get stressed but I'm not a raw ball of nerves. I really wish I would have gotten help sooner. Thankfully Master pushed me to do it when He did and now I'm getting better.

He says He's really proud of me and that means a lot to me. He says I'm a lot better now, and I think it'll only get better from here.

I don't really have a lot to say right now. It's been a mentally draining couple of days. If this had been three weeks ago I'm sure I'd be passed out on the couch right now. But another added benefit to this medication is that my energy levels seem more stable as well. I'm sleeping better at night and not taking any naps. Rock on.

So anyway I think I'm going to cut it here. I know it's a short post but like I said I'm just mentally not here right now.

Manic Monday

See what I did there? I'm bi-polar and I used the term manic on a day where I have a therapist appointment. Aren't I a riot. No? Yeah I didn't think so.

So anyway, the four day weekend was a blast! Last night was the last night before the day to day bullshit started again. I had gone through some of my old clothes and tossed some of them out, and reorganized the closet. Again. Then Master went through some of His old stuff as well. He also decided to fix the lighting problem in the bedroom.

See we have an overhead light fixture almost directly above the bed. So at night you either have to fuck in the dark, which isn't a bad thing, but sometimes you want the light on. Well I hated having the light on during sex or while I was masturbating for Him on our bed because that damn light was blinding and it was distracting. Here I am, laying on the bed, trying to get my mojo working and this damn light is bearing down on me and it's just... fucking distracting!

Which is why nine times out of ten the light was off. And that prevented Master from seeing some of the things He wanted to see. So He took the table lamp out of our living room, which really wasn't getting a lot of use and put it on the table next to the dresser. He turned it on and had me come into the bedroom to take a look. It actually casts kind of a romantic light, and I told Him that. I said, "That's kind of romantic!" in an excited voice. He smiled and kind of chuckled at me.

But really it is, it's not direct as it's away from the bed a bit, and it's a soft light thanks to the shade on it. And it's just.. nice. And it has other practical uses that aren't as perverted as watching your partner masturbate or watch your partner while you're fucking.

Sometimes one of us can't sleep while the other is sleeping. But we don't really want to leave the bed cause we're comfortable and we like being close to one another. So now, with the lamp, the light is soft enough that it won't wake the other person and yet bright enough that you could read a book or magazine. It's fucking awesome and I have no idea why we didn't think of it sooner! Master is a genius.*nods*

We had incredible sex where He allowed me to put a blindfold on Him while I rode Him. It was hot to look down at Him while I was bucking and grinding to my heart's content and see His facial ticks and know that it's all because of sensation rather than sensation and visual.

Eventually He took it off so He could pull me by my legs as I stayed on top. We were both very satisfied afterward.

Then today I had to go back to work. Boo.

Work was busy as hell, and that's all I really have to say about it.

The sucky thing was that I got home at 5:30pm had to quickly eat a few slices of pizza, have part of a cigarette and then head out the door again so I wouldn't be late for my appointment with JD. I had to stop and put gas in the car or I wasn't going to make it there and back, and I had to mail a Netflix DVD. And it was raining. And people were driving like fucking idiots.

But the appointment went great! We talked a lot about how the medication is helping, and how I feel much more in control of myself, but that I still have the ability to react to situations with emotion. It would suck if the meds worked more like an off switch. I've been on medication in the past that made me feel that way. But those were just anti-depressants. They were not mood stabilizers.

We also talked about how the medication helping me is also helping our marriage because I'm not so all over the damn place. I haven't been depressed since I started the medication and I haven't gone totally off the wall with aggression or extreme bouts of hyperactivity either.

The medication is not effecting my sex drive. If anything it's helping it. I feel great. I feel attractive. And I feel horny. It's wonderful.

So yay!

I got home at about 8:30pm and told Master about the appointment, and then took my shower, tossed on some lingerie that I can wear while on the rag, cause I am. Yay or something. And now I just want to wrap up this blog post cause it's already 9:30pm and I have to be in bed on time (which is 11pm) unless Master decides otherwise, and I want some quality time with my Master. So.... more tomorrow!

 

Day 4 of 4... The End

It is the last day of my four day weekend. And in a way it's kind of sad because the past four days have been absolutely wonderful, even though some of it was just day to day stuff. It was day to day stuff that was still relaxing.

And tomorrow I have to go back to reality. The reality of earning that paycheck and watching it go right back out the window. But it's all in the name of keeping our heads above water, and so far we're doing that. So I can't complain.

Last night was incredible. We cuddled on the couch and watched porn, which towards the end of it I gave Him a very long, drawn out blow job. It wasn't just about sucking His cock and getting Him off. It was about doing a nice, drawn out, somewhat teasing blow job until He grabbed the back of my head and fucked my mouth which made me moan quite a bit until finally He ordered me to swallow and bucked His hips as He filled my mouth. Thankfully my cold sore is gone, which is why that was possible.

Then we went to the bedroom and He sucked on my tits and fingered me until I got off. He then went down on me and it was a very intense orgasm. He sat back afterward stroking His cock as He watched me come down from it, which honestly took me a little while.

He then fucked me into oblivion and back again. After He came He kept pumping His cock in and out of me for quite a while, stopping only after He got too sensitive to continue. Afterward He allowed me to clean Him off.

We had gone to bed a little before 2am, and when we were done and Master got up to turn on the fan we realized it was after 4am. We had had a two hour fuck and suck, and we were both flying high off of it. I was incredibly satisfied and had a great after orgasm body buzz going on.

Tonight Master said He's going to have me dress up and play with my ass, and probably do pictures. I'm attempting to talk Him into allowing me to take pictures of Him, or at least His cock, or pictures of Him stroking Himself. That would turn me on a lot. I would love being able to look back on those pictures whenever I want. I love the pictures of me blowing Him and Him fucking me. I love His cock and balls. I love the way they look, the way they taste, and the way they feel. Yes, I'm a bit obsessed with them. ;-)

But having pictures of just His cock, or pictures of Him jerking off would be amazing. He's considering it, so we'll see.

Day 2 & 3 of 4

That's a fucked up post title if I ever saw one, but I'm not feeling very creative as far as writing goes right now.

Last night Master gave me permission to skip my blog post as we were just fucking around and it was getting late. He rarely allows me to skip a post unless I'm really sick or we get home very late from somewhere. But last night we had stayed home, and I was feeling fine. So it was appreciated that He was being nice enough to let me skip last night's post.

I have to say that I'm extremely grateful that we're having this extended alone time together. Especially right before the holiday season kicks into full gear, and things start getting crazy as far as visiting everyone.

So let's see. Yesterday was a mix of non-kink and kink. I had to run to the store (after the black Friday bullshit rush) to get that plastic sheeting you put over your windows in the winter time. We didn't buy any last year and we basically had to be full clothed, including socks, at all times when we were home. It sucked. We have a large window in the bedroom, a large window in the living room, and two sliding glass doors. So as you can imagine it gets quite drafty.

We can't put anything over the sliding glass doors because wouldn't it figure that whatever genius decided to design this place put a row of heat vents directly in front of the sliding glass doors. Fucking retarded.

But we can at least put the stuff over the two regular windows. So we did that. And since we didn't want to look at plastic all winter we put up window coverings as well.

So we took care of all that and then enjoyed the rest of our day. We watched movies, joked around, and just basically had a lot of fun. We're starting to connect with possible play partners on this one site, but the only bad thing is they are all men. I've contacted a few females on there as well, but no luck. :-( I kind-of-jokingly told Master that maybe women just don't find me attractive like men do. I haven't given up, it's just frustrating.

We then cuddled on the couch towards the end of the night and watched porn while I stroked Master's dick. We turned it off after a while and went to the bedroom. Nothing overly kinky happened, but we had great sex.

We then came out into the living room again. Master went online for a while and I ended up passing out on the couch. He woke me up when He was ready for bed and then used me before we both crashed.

This morning He didn't wake me up, but let me sleep in a bit. I woke up to the sound of Him in the shower so I walked into the bathroom and said good morning to Him. He then asked me to make Him some coffee, now that we finally have a working coffee maker again.

We goofed around on that site I mentioned earlier and then we both ran to the store once more to get stuff for the rabbits. We took care of them once we got home and have been basically lazing about the rest of the day. I'm greatly enjoying this four days off thing. I think it should happen every week. It's going to be hard to go back for a full five day work week. I can tell you that.

Tonight I'm not really sure what Master has in mind, but I'm hoping to get some of those kinky things I had mentioned to Him earlier in the week crossed off the list. We haven't done any of them yet, and some can't be done because my damn cold sore isn't totally healed up just yet. Almost though! But still. We can do some of the other stuff! Thankfully, if nothing else, we still have tomorrow to do some of them as well before I have to go to the drudgery that is the working world.

Day 1 of 4

Day one of the four day weekend! Thankfully it's going by slowly, and I'm greatly enjoying it.

We haven't done anything kinky. It's been a nice relaxing day. We've watched Netflix, joked around, went online and browsed, joked around some more, ate dinner, and are just generally have had a good day.

I've been wearing one of my favorite pieces of lingerie all day today. It's one of those where the top is attached to this long, flowing, mesh piece that goes down to my ankles.  I love this piece of lingerie. I love it because of the flowing piece. It's the first piece of lingerie I've ever had like it, and I love it.

But today at some point, the long flowing portion got a rip in it. A good sized one at that. :-(

Not sure how it happened. But Master noticed it and said something. I must have looked sad because He quickly said, "Well we can just cut off that part."

He's right. We could. But I don't know if I'll like it as much. I like it so much because it has this long flowing piece to it. It feels very feminine and sexy to me. But without the long flowing piece... well.. then it's just a top.

I'm still wearing it though. I'm going to at least finish wearing it for today and then decide what to do with it, if anything.

Maybe when we have some spare cash I can get another piece that's similar.

Also, it's Thanksgiving. So I'll say that I'm thankful for a nice, long day relaxing with my Husband.

Let It Begin

Well we didn't get let out work early like we had hoped. They did it for the past two years that I know of (because that's how long I've been with them...). But apparently a lot of people became expectant. Rumor has it that a lot of people were e-mail the business director asking if we were getting out early, and if so what time. Apparently enough people did this, and it ended up irritating the shit out of the higher ups. So they decided against it. Which in one way I can understand. They never promised to let us out early and we have the next four days off of work.

Yes, it would have been nice to be cut loose early, but I sure in the hell wasn't going to act like I expected it. So we had a full work day. Because people can't keep their mouths shut.

So anyway, now I'm home (obviously) and relaxing. I dressed up for Master and we're just staying warm, out of the rain, and enjoying spending time with one another. And we have the next four days together! *happy dance*

At one point this past week Master had me think of four kinky things that I wanted to do. One for each day off I have this week. At the time I didn't have this damn cold sore, so some of it involved oral sex. Now that's out of course. But it was still fun coming up with things. He said He would take my suggestions under consideration so the next four days should prove to be interesting.

I have no idea what He has in store for us. I know that the next four days won't be just kink, but I'm also looking forward to cuddling, and just joking around.

I really could use this small break from work. My job is great and everything, but sometimes you just need to have an extended break, even if it is just a few days. And I think Master and I could really use this extra time together as well. I know that I'm still getting use to my medication, and I'll actually be starting the next dose on Friday. Another two weeks and I'll be on the highest dose and will be maintaining that. But anyway, we've been through quite a bit as of late, and I think we need more quality time than usual right now. At least I do.

Four Day Weekend...

... can start any time now! Seriously.

I thought today was going to be a busy day at work, but apparently I was wrong. It looked like a lot of work, but the reality of it was that I was out of work two hours before my shift ended. Oh the joy.

But tomorrow we have the possibility that management might let us out of work early. Two years ago they let us out at 3:30pm and last year they let us out around 12:30pm. We all seriously doubt we'll get out that early again this year, but hell... you give someone the chance to leave even 15 minutes early and they get excited. *giggles*

But the thing of it is, if you want to leave early, you have to have all of your work done. All of it. Blah! So I'm going to bust my ass and keep on top of everything that crosses my desk tomorrow.

I would love to get out of work early and start my four day weekend as soon as possible. Four days with my Hubby! I'm very excited. The only bad thing is that I have a cold sore, and it just started today. Son. Of. A. Bitch.

I fucking hate these things. It stops some of the fun things from happening. *sad face* But I'm not going to let that ruin anything. There are plenty of other things we can do that don't involve my mouth.

Normal

Master is the only one I feel "normal" around. And by normal I do not mean the general perception of what normal is. I mean normal for me. Which is totally different.

I don't really care what other people think of me, unless it's someone very close to me. And even then there are limits. Except for Master. I always care what He thinks about me. Always. But I never really have to worry about looking at Him at seeing that look on His face.

You know what look I'm talking about. That look where you say something or do something that is so totally you, and you look around and other people are looking at you like you should be embarrassed, ashamed or at least filled with regret for saying that/doing that in front of other people.

Master may look at me sometimes and go, "You're out of your damn mind." But there is always a smile or a smirk when He says it. As if that's one of the reasons why He loves me, because I'm so different.

The reason why this popped into my head today is because I was at work, and there was a lull. So everyone around me was talking. Blah. Blah. Blah. And without thinking I tossed a comment in from my cubicle.

And everyone got quiet. And they all slowly looked in my direction and it looked like they thought I should be cringing. At this very moment I don't even remember what the hell it was I said, or what the topic of conversation was. What I do remember is what I said wasn't that out that. I didn't swear, I didn't say anything offensive. I had just tossed a quirky comment out there. And I got that look from everyone around me. I just smiled, shrugged, and continued doing my work.

I do know that if I had said that exact comment (whatever it was... my brain is not functioning 100% right now) He would have smiled, if not laughed.

It's nice to know that I can completely be myself around Him. And to know that He feels that He can be completely Himself around me. It's liberating. And it makes me happy to know that I found that person, that one person, so young. I met Him when I was merely 20 years old. I'm lucky. Some people don't find that person until much later in life, if at all. My father is 49 years old and he is still looking for that person.

I also love the fact that we can communicate very effectively without saying a word. We've gotten very good at that over the years, although it started off rather naturally even in the early stages of our relationship. But it's just gotten easier over the years.

A lot of people seem to think that marriage sucks. I use to be one of those people before Master and I got serious. But I honestly couldn't be happier. I love being married. I love knowing that I always have someone in my corner, that I always have someone to go to. And that I can be myself all the time. I don't have to wear a mask.

Good Visit

Yesterday I got up at 10am and got ready. I drove down to the half way point between my place and my mother's place. Ya see, my brother is temporarily living with our mom. She wanted to see me for a while as well, so they both met me about half way. Which was awesome. So we hung out for a few hours and then my brother put his stuff in my car and we headed out.

We didn't do a lot as none of us have a lot of money. But we still had a lot of fun. We watched Netflix and joked around quite a bit.

Around 1am we called it a night. Normally Master and I stay up quite a bit later than that on the weekends but my brother looked like he was exhausted and we didn't want to keep him up since he was having to sleep on our couch.

And then Master and I did something we've never done before. We had sex while someone was spending the night. It was the quietest sex in the history of quiet sex. Master and I are both usually quite loud when we're fucking. But we didn't want my brother knowing that was what we were doing. So we just laid on our sides and Master had his way with me. It was slow and gentle, and it was quiet. It was the exact opposite of how sex between us normally is.

The next morning both Master and my brother were up before I was. So eventually Master just woke me up. We didn't have a lot of time to hang out in the morning as I wanted to sleep in a little bit (again got up at 10am) and my mother wanted to meet up at noon to pick my brother up. Again she was meeting me half way to help me save on gas money.

So we left a little before 11:30am and met up with our mom. We said our goodbyes and I went back home.

Master and I have spent the afternoon pretty much relaxing. He wanted me to dress up for Him this evening, so I did. Thankfully it's still early so we have some down time yet before I have to go to sleep so I'm not a zombie at work tomorrow. Thankfully it's only a three day work week! Yay!

Hide the Kink!

A couple of days ago my brother called me. I'm the eldest, and there is just the two of us. When we were growing up we couldn't stand each other, but we get along for the most part now.

But like I said he called me. He currently lives with our mother because he is unemployed right now. Apparently he needs to get away from our mother because he asked if he could come up by us (meaning Master and myself) tomorrow (Saturday) and spend the night. I told him I would have to talk to my Husband about it.

So I did. Master said He was fine with it. So last night I called my brother and told him he could come up but he'd have to bring his own pillow. We only have enough pillows for us, because we hardly ever have people spending the night.

So tomorrow I won't be able to do my daily/nightly blog post because my brother will be here. I have to set my alarm tonight so I get up on time. I hate setting the alarm on the weekends. But my brother hasn't come up in a couple of months now, so I'll deal with it.

The only bad thing about having people in our apartment for an overnight stay is that we have to do a mad dash to hide the kinky stuff.

Normally when we're at home we're both naked. So obviously we'll have to be dressed. My collar and cuff will stay on, because those never come off. Thankfully.

I put away the array of lingerie that hadn't made it's way back into the dresser previously. And I have to password protect our computer. I don't think my brother would go digging through it, but just in case he did I don't need him finding certain pictures and/or videos. Not to mention we have kink links on our bookmarks for the internet. So rather than delete them all I'd rather just password protect the computer, and create a "guest" account and just leave that logged in until he goes home.

I'm trying to stay awake now. I didn't sleep that great last night due to weird dreams. I ended up taking a nap on the couch earlier, but I want to stay up since tomorrow Master and I won't have the freedom of doing stuff like lounging around naked, being really affectionate, or me just walking up to Him to put His cock in my mouth for a little while. So yeah. I'm trying to stay awake tonight to have some fun with my Hubby.

Don't get me wrong, I'm looking forward to my brother coming up and visiting. It's just kind of a pain when you're so use to just doing what we do every single day. It's different if it's only for a few hours where people are over. Then we just stay dressed and that's about all we have to change. People staying the night on the other hand, that's a totally different thing.

I also moved my medication to the bathroom in the cabinet. I'll just go into the bathroom around the normal time I'd take the pill tomorrow. No one besides Master (and people who read this blog) know that I am on medication, let alone that I now know I'm bi-polar. And I'd like for it to stay that way. I'm not ready to tell my family, and quite honestly I don't know if I ever will be. Although the person I think I'd be the most worried about telling, is my mother-in-law. Master doesn't think so, and He might be right. But for now, I think I'll keep it between Master, myself, and this blog.

Apparently It's Too Much To Ask

Okay so next week I get a four day weekend thanks to Thanksgiving. Our office is closed Thursday and Friday next week, which is fucking awesome. The best thing? I still get paid for those days. Rock the fuck on.

So, as I said even before Halloween hit, I wanted that four day weekend to do nothing. I'm totally skipping the usual rounds of family and friends for Thanksgiving. I'd just be doing it again in four weeks, so why not just wait it out until Christmas? Plus I don't really give a shit about Thanksgiving. At all.

So we lied to Master's mother who had already invited us and told her we were going to my grandfathers. Okay. One down.

Then my mom asked and I was totally honest and told her that we were skipping this year. She was cool with it.

My grandfather I didn't have to worry about cause he said he's skipping this year too. Good to go there.

My dad had brought it up but I lied to him and told him that we were going to Master's mother's house. He said he understood. I thought it was all taken care of.

Then my dad calls tonight. He says that since everyone has plans for the actual day of Thanksgiving he was hoping we could get together this Sunday. I told him we couldn't because we already have plans with my brother this Saturday, and that he is spending the night and that he wouldn't be going home until Sunday and I have to work on Monday. Which is all true. He said he understood. Then he asked about next Sunday.

You know, that Sunday which is part of the four days I want to have nothing to do with anyone, in person, besides my kinky Husband? Yeah. That one.

So I hemmed and hawed about it and said it was a possibility. To which my father said was fine, because his girlfriend (gag) might have to work anyway. So he said he'd call us back next week around Friday. Fine by me. Call all you want.

So I get off the phone with my dad and Master says, "I thought we weren't doing anything next weekend?"

So I said, "Well I didn't want to tell him no right away, since it might not even be an issue depending on whether or not his girlfriend has to work."

Please let her have to work.

But then I thought about it a bit and I told Master, "Well plus this way if my dad calls next Friday I can lie and say I'm sick." Which I might just do.

Don't get me wrong, I love my family. I really do. But my dad is all of a sudden wanting to get together more and more, and it's just not something we can really afford gas money wise. Add on top of that Master and I are always making the rounds. And with His side of the family, plus two sides on mine since my parents are divorced.. damn that's a lot of rounds to make in one or two days. No one ever comes to us. Ever. Not that we'd really want to cook dinner for them or anything. But it's just tiring after a while. And in the 7 1/2 years we've been together we've never skipped out on making the rounds for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

Christmas I know we can't get out of. Both of our families would have a shit fit and a half. So I figured Thanksgiving was a safer bet.

Plus I've been working hard lately. I just want to enjoy my extended weekend being naked and happy.

Not getting all bundled up to go outside, to drive 45 minutes to spend time with people some of which make me want to throw them through a window and run them over with a car, eat food I really don't want to eat, then drive 45 minutes back home and try to relax. That does not sound fun.

So here's hoping that my dad's girlfriend will have to work next Sunday and we can plan something else that does not involve my four day weekend.

Dick: It's the New Alarm Clock

Last night after we were done with our home movie making and pictures we fucked once again. This time I was on top, to give His knee a break. The sex was amazing as always. In fact as He pulled me by my hips to make me ride harder and faster, and not allowing me to stop, I just came over and over again. It felt like one impossibly long orgasm which kept going even after He had filled me with His cum and I was laying on top of Him completely out of breath.

Once I laid down next to Him some slight cramping started. Apparently my vaginal muscles got one hell of a work out. *smirks* We then went out into the living room as Master was not tired just yet. He allowed me to stay up a little bit longer to talk and just relax before ordering me to go to sleep. I think I fell asleep on the couch around midnight or so.

Sometime around 3am Master woke me up to tell me it was time to go to the bedroom. So I stumbled my way to the bedroom, clutching my pillow. I laid down and got under the nice warm comforter. I immediately started to fall asleep again, not that I was exactly awake to begin with. Then I feel Master kissing and lightly nipping my shoulder. I then feel His stiff cock pushing against me. He adjusts me legs and pushes His dick into me and claims me for the third time that night. Eventually He flipped me onto my stomach and uses me for His pleasure. Believe me I was wide awake by this point. I wasn't allowed to cum but He did allow me to buck my hips and rock against Him as He slammed into me.

He filled me once more and once He rolled off of me and curled up I remember Him saying, "Now you can go to sleep."

*smiles* And so I did.

Getting Back To Who I Was

Day 5 on the medication. Like I said in my previous post I can already feel a difference. Today Master and I were texting back and forth and were discussing such. Below is bits and pieces of said conversation and a bit of elaboration.

(Part of the reason that I'm posting this is so I don't lose it. Parts of the following conversation really meant a lot to me. If you don't want to read our conversation, you can skip towards the bottom of the post.)

Master: "So what kind of video do you want to make?"

Kitten: "Full blowjob maybe? Masturbation? I'm enjoying putting on shows for You."

Master: "Getting your exhibitionist streak back huh?..lol"

Kitten: "Yeah. I'm feeling more and more like my old self as this medication kicks in. Complaining? :-p"

Master: "Not at all."

Kitten: "My submissive wants and needs are coming back full swing as well."

Master: "Aww that's just too bad...smirks... I can rig something out of the existing pieces of rope we have to do a make shift wrist and ankle restraint without being attached to the bed. Can do all kinds of pics and vid tonight. Make my slut a camera whore :D"

Kitten: "In more ways than one apparently. You seem pleased with me lately."

Master: "Deff you are very pleasing lately."

Kitten: "Kitten is glad. I truly did miss us like this."

Master: "You're getting better every day in both the dynamic and overall in our relationship so I'm pretty damn happy with how all this is going it's like when we first got together you know?"

Kitten: "Yes Master. It means a lot to me that You said that. I feel the same way."

Master: "Well hon I always am honest with you and it feels like you are really back up to par or at least most of the way there it's like getting to know you all over again and falling in love all over again even though I already have you and own you."

As You can see through the conversation, if you read it, went from kink conversation to lovey-dovey/sappy conversation. I was grateful for both to be honest with you. Now that my rational side is kicking back in thanks to this medication, I can look back over the past year and see how much confusion and hurt emotions on both sides this was really causing. And it hurts me to think about it. But as Master told me we have to focus on the here and now. That's one thing I can always say about Him, once something is over He wipes the slate clean and moves forward. Honestly He only really does that with me, with our dynamic, and our marriage. Everyone else He holds grudges with, and it's hard to get off His "bad list". But with me, it's done, it's over, move forward.

First we'll start with the sappy stuff. I swear I almost cried when He said, "It's like getting to know you all over again and falling in love all over again even though I already have you and own you."

He put into words everything I've been feeling as my old self, the self both Master and I prefer, is coming back to the surface. I feel like we're falling in love all over again as well. And it's an amazing feeling after so many years of being together. One thing we try to do is focus on one another, and find things to do to keep things fresh, interesting, and intimate. And it seems to be working, obviously.

So my submissive side is also kicking back into full gear. While I was at work Master made two new restraints out of left over Japanese bondage rope that we had laying around. One for my wrists, and one for my ankles.

We have also recently discovered two things about the camera I bought Him two Christmases ago. First, it can do video. This is fucking awesome! We had made a short clip not that long ago of Him playing with my ass a little bit and then me sucking His cock for a little while. And since we did that we've been wanting to make more.

The second thing we found out is that while we are recording, or taking pictures, we can hook it up to the TV and watch it as we're doing whatever. Also fucking awesome.

So tonight after dinner Master hooked the camera up to the TV and put the new home made restraints on me. He then stripped down and hit record. We made a home porno of Him fucking my face, Him sitting down while I continue blowing Him, and then me sitting on His lap as He fucks me on the couch. The whole time we were doing this Master watched it on the TV as it was recording. I could have as well, but I had my eyes shut most of the time. I didn't want to get self conscious and so didn't look at the TV.

It's not that I think I look bad. But I think I need to tighten up my legs, butt and stomach. I've been doing exercises and that really is helping. Master says I look incredible, and that's wonderful. But I still think I have some work to do. Even after I get where I want to be I'm going to keep exercising just to make me feel better about myself, and keep myself looking good for my Husband.

So after He came, and I had as well, we turned off the camera and Master uploaded it to the computer.

We relaxed for a little while and I came over to Him and just put His cock in my mouth for a little while. He gave me pets as I did so, and it was so relaxing. How could I ever have forgotten how relaxing that was? To just submit in that small way, and get some affection. It was bliss.

Master wanted me to dress up for Him. I chose my assless mesh dress, and did my make-up as well. I really wish I didn't have to go to work tomorrow. I just want to spend the whole day with Him and keep feeling His touch, His Dominance. But unfortunately that isn't an option.

So I'll have to be a big girl, go to work, and then enjoy my submission in full force tomorrow night, like I am tonight. It's a little after 10pm now. It's time for some quality time with my Master.

Inside My Head

I don't have anything kinky to write about right now. So I thought I would do an update post on how my medication and therapy is going. If you don't want to hear about me being a crazy person, please skip this post. Thank you.

I've only had two sessions with JD, and one session with Dr. L. But so far both of them have given great advice, and Dr. L has already started me on medication. Dr. L said that He doesn't feel that Cyclothymia is the correct diagnosis. He is leaning more towards Bipolar II, which is extremely similar to Bipolar I except a person with Bipolar II never reaches full on mania. In other words, everything else is the same except I don't experience full on manic periods.  Instead I experience hypomania. Enough of the technical jargon. If you want to read more, go here.

This is why JD can not make a full on diagnosis or prescribe medication. She was stuck between the two (Cyclothymia and Bipolar II) where as Dr. L was pretty much like, "Yeah.... your symptoms are a bit too severe for just Cyclothymia...."

Nothing against JD at all. She's wonderful and I'm glad I'm speaking with her. But Dr. L is pretty cool as well.

So as you know Dr. L put me on a mood stabilizer. It is the type of medication that has to build up in your system. I'll be taking my fourth dose tonight. Thankfully it's only a once a day medication. And even though I know it has to build up in the system, I can already feel a slight change.

The past few days I've been rather up. Kinda hyper, very horny, and just generally in a grand mood. But tonight with no reason behind it what so ever, I felt myself start cycling a little bit. It was not a sudden slam into another mood, thankfully, which is why I think I can already feel the medication helping. I just felt it start to slip. And it upsets me when this happens for no reason, because the night was/is going extremely well and then suddenly my mood changes with no warning.

But like I said this time I felt it start up. And I excused myself. I still felt okay but I could feel that familiar irritated mindset come on. I was going into one of my more aggressive moods. And I wanted to stop it. JD told me that when I start feeling myself switch into an aggressive mood or a depressed mood I should basically give myself a time out.

So I went to go take my bath. Water helps relax me, so I figured that was a good way to give myself a time out, as well as get my bath out of the way for the night. Master had asked me if something was wrong. He knew something was up, but I just told Him I was okay. I really was, nothing was wrong. I just felt that shift start to take place and wanted to nip it in the bud. But I didn't want to sit there and try to explain that so I wouldn't start to get snippy with Him and ruin His mood as well.

So I took my bath and had my self inflicted time out. I did the deep breathing techniques that my Master taught me. I took my time washing up, shaving, and washing my hair. I forced myself to make slow movements. When I start getting agitated my movements tend to be quick, direct, and well... forceful.

I really am trying to make myself realize what is going on with my moods, and trying to keep a grip on myself. And Master has noticed it. He has told me as much, which makes me just want to keep working on it. His praise, and His love mean the world to me. Not that He would ever withhold His love, but you get what I'm saying.

So after my bath I came out into the living room and I felt a lot better. I felt like I had a grip on myself, and my mood had settled back into that good mood I've been rocking these past few days.

Another thing JD has told me to do is to do something that relaxes me that is small, like some people relax themselves by just closing their eyes for a little while, or playing with their hair. I knew exactly what I could do, the minute she told me about it.

I can run my finger up and down the scar on my chest that Master gave me back when we were first started dating. That scar is going to be with me to the day I die. It is never going away, and it is not something anyone can take away from me. I love that scar. So as I sat on the couch, even though I was already relaxed, I ran my finger over my scar over, and over, and over again. It was soothing.

I can't always touch my scar, because sometimes the top I'm wearing covers it. So I've started thinking of other things I can do that won't look like I have my hand down my shirt. *laughs* And they all have something to do with my Husband. I can play with my wedding ring, or run my hand over my cuff or collar. Like I said, they all have something to do with my Husband.

He is my best friend, the love of my life, my Husband, and my Master. He is the only person in this whole world I can be 100% myself around. He is also the only person in this world (that doesn't read this blog) that knows I'm on medication and been diagnosed as Bipolar. My family doesn't know, our friends do not know.

He is my rock, my world, and my heart. He's in my soul, and in my head. And I could never express how much His love and support mean to me. So many other people would have given up a long time ago. All the pain I've put Him through with the up, downs, and aggressive moods... I can never make up for that. And I know this. But He's still here, with me, loving me and supporting me. And I'm trying to be a better wife, a better slave. And I'm going to stick with my medication, and I'm going to stick with my therapy. And I'm going to do everything I possibly can to be a better person and to keep this marriage the happiest one it possibly can be.

One Hot Night

I don't normally post in the morning. Hell, normally I'm not even awake before 11am on a Sunday. But my right ankle woke me up really hurting. I have no idea why. So here I am. Awake.

But tonight we're not going to be home until late so I wanted to get this post down before I forget any of the details.

Last night Master wanted to take more pictures. So I took my bath and then put on a body stocking as He had ordered me to do. He also wanted me in some form of heels, so I put on my thigh high bitch boots. I did my make-up and came out into the living room where instantly Master's eyes were on me and I could see that dark twinkle in His eye that tells me He's in a very interesting mood and I'm dressed just right for the occasion. It's a look that turns me on instantly.

So He ordered me to the bedroom and He followed with His camera. At first He had me stand up and pose for Him. He snapped some pictures before He had me get on the bed on all fours, bowed down for as He calls it "the necessary ass shot". I don't know what it is about my ass, but He loves it. So I'm not complaining. Once I flipped onto my back He had me grab my rabbit vibrator. I dipped my finger down between my legs to check how wet I was. I don't use lube with my toys unless it's an anal toy. I rely on my own juices.

I was wet, but not as wet as I would have liked before shoving a toy down there. So Master, in His generosity, ate me out for a little bit. Yummy. Then He picked the camera back up and took pictures as I masturbated for Him.

He got a couple of pictures right as the height of my orgasm hit. He has great timing with the camera apparently. *giggles*

He proceeded to fuck the hell out of me. It was incredible.

After I cleaned Him off, He allowed me to take the bitch boots off but wanted me to keep the body stocking on for a while. We relaxed, and enjoyed our evening.

Eventually we turned off the TV and left the computer alone and just sat up and talked. We talked a lot about sex in general, among other things.

Then we went back into the bedroom and He laid down on His back. I sat in between His legs and sucked His cock while playing with His ass. I know some chicks aren't into doing such things to their Man, but I personally love it. A lot.

He was greatly enjoying it, as was I when another idea popped into my head. I pulled His cock out of my mouth and laid down in between His legs. I then asked Him if He would jerk off for me. I've honestly never seen Him jerk off to climax before. We've been together for a little over 7 1/2 years, and while I've always known He loves watching me masturbate, I've only seen Him stroke His cock for a little while before we fucked or I gave Him a blow job. I wanted to see Him cum from it. We are very open with one another sexually, and He is nine times out of ten willing to try things that pop into my head. I may be the slave in this relationship but He is just as interested in turning me on as I am in turning Him on.

So He started stroking His cock while I continued to play with His ass. As He got closer to His orgasm, I reached my head forward and licked His balls. He moaned rather loudly which sent a shiver right through me and caused me to get extremely wet. He then ordered me to suck His balls while He continued stroking Himself. When He came it was one of the hottest things I've ever seen.

When His hand moved I immediately put His cock back in my mouth and made sure there were no drops of cum left. Once that was accomplished I licked the cum off of His stomach. *purrs* His cum is my reward, and I never let it go to waste. It has to be inside me in one way or another.

We went back into the living room after and continued talking. He had at some point sent me down to the local gas station. It was about 2:30am. We were both out of cigarettes and knew that we weren't going to bed right away. So off I went. Picture this. I was wearing a pair of jeans, and a over sized hoodie because it was fucking cold out. I pull up and there is this young guy (probably in his very early 20's if not younger) and he gets to the door of the gas station before I do. He holds it open and I say thank you, just being polite. He comes back with some lame line like, "I'll hold it open for you all night long." *rolls eyes* So I go pick up some soda, and then hit the register to get the cigs and pay for everything. Well said young punk is ahead of me. He gets what he buys and moves towards the door. So I move up to the register. But the young punk doesn't leave. He starts asking me my name. I tell him it's none of his business. The cashier almost immediately stops ringing up my stuff and is looking at me and then at this guy, and back again. I don't know if he just wanted to watch the drama or if he was waiting to have to step in.

So anyway this young punk keeps asking me my name, and I keep telling him to never mind.. and after about the fourth request for my name I hold up my left hand and say, "Listen dude. I'm married, so just give up already." He tells me that he doesn't care if I'm married. *raises eyebrow* He then gives up on asking me my name and asks for my phone number. I tell him that if I won't give him my name why would he think I would give him my number. He tells me something like, "Aw come on. I just want your name and number." So I smile. It was a mischievous smile. So I turn my head towards him and say, "Okay you can have my phone number. But the only way you're going to get it is if you hand me your cell phone and let me put it in and dial it right away. Once my Husband is on the phone I'll hand it to you, and you can ask Him for my name."

This finally got the dude to leave me alone, muttering "bitch" under his breath as he leaves. I didn't get it. First off I'm not in "hot clothing". I'm in jeans and a baggy hoodie. Second, I told the fucker I was married. And while I know that doesn't mean much to some people, it means a lot to me. I don't get why someone would keep pursuing that when someone tries to tell you, "Hey look, I'm not interesting. I'm married."

I of course come home and tell Master all about it. He gets this "fit to kill" look on His face. He doesn't mind other people finding me attractive, or anything like that, but as you can tell from what I described above, this dude was pushing heavy after he should have stopped. So I quickly get undressed and go over to my Master. He's sitting in the computer chair, so I stand in front of Him and drape my arms over His shoulders and tell Him it's not like He has to worry about anything. He said He knows that and He doesn't worry about me, but He worries about what other people are going to try.

As if to further mark His territory, not that He needed to, He assaults my tits with His teeth until I'm standing on my tip toes due to the pleasurable pain.

It was almost four in the morning by the time we went back to the bedroom. But the fun wasn't over.

We kissed and He bit my neck harder than He has in quite some time. He then licked, sucked, and bit my tits which caused me to buck against Him. He ate me out and played with my ass until I came. He would stop licking me every once in a while to call me a wet whore, or tell me how good I tasted.  Then He put me on all fours and railed me with His dick. It was very intense. He continued talking nasty to me. I can not express how much that gets me going.

He eventually put me on my stomach and told me I was His fuck meat now, His toy. I was no longer going to be allowed to cum. After a while He put us both on our sides and contorted me in several different ways before filling me with His cum.

After He came, I was expecting Him to pull out shortly there after, figuring He would be sensitive because of the things that we had done earlier in the day. But I was wrong. He continued rocking His hips against me, slowly pushing His cock in and out of me. He tells me how incredible that feels and asks me one of the hottest things I have ever heard pass His lips. He asked, "You don't mind if I keep pumping that cunt of yours, do you?"

Oh. My Gods. I gushed. Literally. I didn't have an orgasm, and I was already soaking wet, but I could feel myself dripping even more than I already had been.

He flipped me back onto my stomach and continued to fuck me. Eventually we stopped, without Him reaching His fourth orgasm of the day. He had become over stimulated and His knee started to really bother Him. So He pulls out, and has me very, very gently clean His cock off.

He scented me, and then we were finally tired. We curled up together and I fell asleep with His body pressed against my back, His steady breathing near my ear, and His hand firmly gripping my wrist. I was a very happy whore.

Ramblings

I'm not really sure what to post about today.So I'm going to ramble.

I took my first dose of my new medication last night. One of the side effects known to be related to this drug is a skin rash. This kind of sucks because I also get eczema breakouts, so I'm going to have to be careful to see which one it is. I don't want to say the rash is caused by the drug when it's really my eczema acting up. So I just did a search for what the rash reaction to this drug looks like. It basically looks like really bad hives, which is totally different than an eczema breakout. That's a good thing. At least I'll be able to tell the difference.

Master is kind of picking on me (in jest) about having to be on medication. But He's just trying to make me laugh about it, and not be so worried. He knows that I feel there is a certain stigma surrounding mental disorders and taking medication for it. So He's trying to make me feel better about it by joking. There is healing in laughter. Sometimes I joke around and call Him my court jester, because He's always trying to make me laugh and make me smile. I love Him.

Last night as I held that pill in my hand and was about to put it in my mouth I had to take a deep breath. It's one thing to think you need medication, and it's another to know you need medication.

I also had to tell Master last night that as with any anti-depressant or with bi-polar medication there is a risk of suicidal thoughts or actions. I don't want Him to think that it's gonna happen for sure or anything, but He needed to be aware of it.

One thing I don't like being seen as is weak. And I use to think that needing medication to manage yourself meant weakness. But I'm learning that seeking help and doing what you have to do to get better shows strength. It took a lot of strength to get past the denial part and realize that yeah, I do need help. I can't do this on my own. So here I am, on the path to help myself and in turn help our marriage.

I'm not saying we were headed towards divorce, but the severe fluctuation in moods was hurting me, and it was hurting Him, which in turn hurts our marriage. As I'm sure I've said in previous posts, I don't think I would have sought help if I was single. But our marriage means the world to me, and I will do anything to make it the best marriage it possibly can be.

So in a few hours I'll be taking my second dose. One day, and one pill at a time.

 

Doctor Appointment

Today after work, I only had about a half hour at home before I had to leave again to go to my doctor appointment.

Master was in the shower when I got home, so I only got about 10 minutes with Him before I had to leave again. But at least it was something.

The sucky thing was that the person who had an appointment with this doctor before me showed up after I did. I got to the clinic about 20 minutes early. So needless to say I had to sit around past my appointment time, because that person is a jackass and was late.

My appointment was for 2pm and I wasn't able to go in until about 2:25pm.

This is the doctor that JD wanted me to see in order to get on some medication to help stabilize my moods. I'll call him Dr. L.

The appointment took about an hour. He asked me a lot of the same questions that JD had asked me over our last two visits. I think in part he was trying to make sure my answers meshed up. You can't be too careful these days, especially when it can cause you your practice. So I totally understood. He was a very nice man, and listened really well.

Towards the end of the appointment he confirmed that I have a form of bipolar disorder. And he said he was going to put me on a mood stabilizing prescription.

He knows that my finances are tight, as does JD, so he told me that he would give me a free sample pack that'll give me five weeks worth of my new medication which will get me through till the next appointment that I have with him which is in four weeks. I was very grateful. This means I only had to pay my copay and I won't have to pay for the prescription until next month.

This is a kind of drug that has to build up in my system for it to work. So it's not an immediate fix, but it'll be a nice ease in. Which is a good thing in my eyes. It means that if I start having a reaction to it (which is a possibility with any medication) I'll be able to tell sooner and not yet be on a full dose. The sample pack starts at 25mgs and gradually works up to the full does of 100mgs over the course of the five weeks.

I admit I'm nervous, as I am starting any medication that I've never been on before. But I know that Master is going to help me keep an eye on myself and if I start having a reaction I'll call the doctor asap. In fact tonight I'm putting the clinics number on my cell phone just in case. I have their card in my wallet, but it's not the same as being able to just hit speed dial. I'll feel better knowing it's in my cell phone.

So there we have it. Tonight I officially start my medication. Thank the Gods I have the kind of Husband that I do to help me through this.

Feels Later

Today has been one of those days where no matter what time it actually is, it always feels later than that. Today dragged, was boring, and generally just kind of sucked.

I woke up with a sinus headache. I took supposedly non-drowsy sinus meds, which made me tired. Figures.

Work was slow, so I was bored out of my mind most of the day and that didn't help the time go by any faster. Then when I get home Master and I had errands to run. His knee is still really bothering Him so I drove, which isn't a problem at all, just kind of weird. For the past 7 1/2 years whenever we've gone anywhere together, He's drove, unless He's had too much to drink.

So finally we get home, have dinner, and then I take my bath.

Aside from the day to day stuff there isn't a damn thing on my mind. I know that tomorrow is going to be busy as well, and I'm a bit nervous about it. First I have a half day of work, and then I'll be home for about a half hour. Why only a half hour? Because then I have to go to my doctor's appointment and get put on medication. Then I have to go to a pharmacy and have the prescription filled. My insurance card is going to get a workout tomorrow. This will only be the third time I've used it so far. But so far, the money it's saving me is far out weighing my monthly premiums. So that's a plus.

I know that Master isn't going with me to the doctor appointment, but for some reason I kind of want Him there when I go fill the prescription. I know, it's stupid and pointless. Especially since I'll be passing the pharmacy on the way home. So I'd have to pass the pharmacy, go home, pick Master up, drive back to the pharmacy, and then drive back home.

That doesn't make sense at all. Especially with His knee bothering Him as much as it is. And gods only know how long the pharmacy is going to take. So I'll probably just hit up the pharmacy on my way home, and leave it at that. Then once I get back we can talk about the doctor appointment and the new prescription. Oh yeah. Tomorrow is going to be fun.

Long Day

Today was a very long work day. I was busy 85% of the time, which was weird. I would get a breather here and there, and then suddenly 20 more things would pop up and I'd have to take care of them.

But it all got done at least.

So by the time I got out of work I felt mentally beat up, which sucked. That and sunset is before I get out of work these days, so that's kind of weird. I'm not use to it yet, although I know it's not going to change for a while. Winter is getting closer.

When I got home Master and I talked for a little while and just kind of relaxed. Then He asked me if I wanted to go take my shower, so I said sure and He took pictures of me while I lathered up and rinsed off. Like I said He's been kind of picture happy.

I think in part it's because I'm feeling more like my old self lately, and He's reacting to that. I'm not sure why, but I'm not complaining. Although I'm not allowing myself to think, "Hey.. I'm better."

Why? Because I know at the drop of a hat that can change. I have an appointment with the doctor at my therapist's clinic to be put on medication this Friday. I'm nervous about it, and admittedly a little scared about it. I don't know how the medication is going to effect me. I don't know if, or how, it's going to change me. But I do know that JD will listen to me if I tell her something is wrong. And I know that my Husband will tell me if He thinks I'm acting really weird, or He thinks that something is wrong so that I can tell JD.

So at least I have support, and I have safety nets. At least the doctor appointment is early in the afternoon so I can get it done with and start this. I think it's the starting part that has me the most nervous.

Treat Me Like a Slut, and I'll Act Like One

Apparently. And no, that's not a bad thing.

Lately Master has been picture happy, and I'm not complaining. Well, okay. I did once, but that was because He wanted me to take pictures of myself in the mirror. I hate those kind of pictures. They remind me way too much of like MySpace pictures or something. Blah. Up close pictures where the camera is facing away from you, is one thing. Taking pictures of yourself in the mirror while the camera is visible... I don't know what it is about it but I hate those kind of pictures. I really do.

So anyway, back to the good stuff.

Master had taken me play model for Him a few days ago, and we had a good time. Then today while I'm at work we start texting back back forth and He said that He wanted to take more pictures tonight and had a specific photo shoot in mind. So I said I was game.

This got me horny, so I went into the bathroom and used the camera on my cell phone to take up close shots (not in the mirror.. just me turning the phone around and hoping that I clicked at the right time and had it pointed correctly). I was just screwing around because I can't do picture messaging, and I don't have the cord I need to connect my phone to our computer to get them off my phone. But the thought of taking naughty pictures of my fun parts for Master while using my cell phone camera. It just smacked of something dirty, and I don't know why.

So I took up close pictures of my tits, of me playing with my tits, and of me fingering my pussy.

So He told me He would be taking a look at my phone as soon as I got home. And that's exactly what He did. He said He really liked the pictures, and that it had turned Him on knowing that I was doing that for Him while we had been texting earlier.

So He wants me to keep them until we can get the cord I need to connect my cell phone to the computer.

Then, after dinner and my bath, we decided to be a little daring. We live in an apartment, and the apartment building has a basement. To get to the basement we have about five different stair wells. So as the evening got a little later, we made sure no one was in the hallway and went to the stair well. I had on this cut little gray top on that was just long enough to cover my ass and a pair of heels. Master went to the bottom of the stairs with His camera and had me stay at about the middle of the stairs and He started snapping away, having me kneel on the stairs facing away from Him, lifting the top up so He could see me ass and pussy. The whole session didn't last very long but He still got a good number of pictures in, and then we rushed back into our apartment.

We both got a bit of a rush off of it.

But since Master is treating me more and more like His slut (which I am) I've been acting like one more and more. Hence the cell pics today.. Can't say that Master is disappointed in the results. ;-)

Venting

First, I want to start this post by stating that I am in no way, shape, or form upset with or mad at my Husband. This venting is not directed at Him at all.

Master was offered a job yesterday through a vendor that operates inside a business. He had to go down there today to fill out some paperwork and pick up His schedule.

I am not even close to exaggerating when I say that He had His schedule for the week, was told where to park, and was also told where to check in with security until He got His badge which would be in a couple of weeks. This shit was ready to go. Well part of the paper work was that the business that the vendor operates in does its own background check.

Yeah. Apparently they have to approve of anyone who works for any of their vendors. Weird.

So Master calls me and He tells me His schedule. I put it on my calender and we're trying to figure out how much gas He's going to need in the car, and how much He'll need for parking until my paycheck hits.

We've got it all sorted out.

Then the person who offered Him the job e-mails Him. Guess fucking what. The business that the vendor operates in states that He can not work there because He has two misdemeanors on His record. You wanna know how old they are? They are fucking fourteen years old. He has had nothing but a no seat belt ticket and an car accident on His record since. They are non-violent misdemeanors at that.

The lady who offered Him the job is pissed. Not at Master, but at the business because the offenses are so old, and because they are misdemeanors. He has no felony charges.

And I understand that a lot of people might read this and think, "Well He still did wrong, and that's what happens."

Well, I have a few things to say to that. First, you don't know the circumstances, and I'm not about to get into it here. Second, He has turned His life around. He is not the same person He was then, and He sure in the hell is not in those same circumstances.

My Husband is not a convict, and when people find out that He has two misdemeanors, that are 14 years old no less, and they start treating Him like He is one... it pisses me the fuck off. The lady who offered Sir the job told Him to call HR of the business and see if there was anything He could do or find out. So He did. And this fucking raggedy bitch treated Him like He was scum as soon as she got His paperwork out of her file cabinet. She told Him that they do not allow anyone with any kind of record, no matter how old, to work in that building. Well fuck you, you yuppie-uptight-silver-spooned-never-had-to-scrape-to-get-by-cum-dumpster-whore.

That's my man. And He is a damn good man. He tries to do right by His wife, His family, and Himself.

I don't understand. We do know someone who has a felony, and guess what.. she is a fucking nurse.

So let me get this straight... a felon can't vote and can't own a gun, but can get a job where people's lives hang in the balance. But my Husband can vote, can own a gun, and He can't work at this business where no one is bleeding to death?

So say what you will about how people who break the law deserve what they get. Most of the time I'd agree with you, but not until I knew the whole story. Circumstances and the severity of the offense matter a lot. Mostly the severity of the offense, in my eyes. I knew Master had two offenses on His record before I even started dating Him. He told me it happened, what the circumstances were, and that He wasn't doing anything like that anymore. And He hasn't. And I've been with Him for damn near 8 years, so I fucking know.

So now it's back to the application filling out, hurry up and wait game.

Weekend Bliss

Last night shortly after my post I took my bath and put on one of my favorite slut outfits, and did my make-up. When I walked out Master was very pleased. It was a mesh long sleeve shirt, fishnet stockings, and a pair of heels.

I asked what He wanted to do, and He said that He wanted to do pictures. So we went into the bedroom, and He snapped away. Then I laid on the bed, once He was done with pictures and He was laying on the bed next to me, but He still had the camera in His hand. I had no idea why.

He started grabbing my ass and smacked in a couple of times. That turned me on quite a bit. He hasn't spanked me in a long time. Makes me want a spanking. One by His hand. Those are always more intimate.

So He spreads my ass and starts playing with my pussy a bit, and then He tells me to blow Him. I look up at Him, as my head is down by His feet and He's still got the camera in His hand and I look at Him kind of weird cause He hadn't taken a picture in a while. Come to find out that He's recording. Yeah, I didn't know that nice camera I bought Him a few years ago for Christmas had the ability to turn into a camcorder. *blush*

Apparently neither did He until last night cause He was playing with the settings after He was done taking pictures. So He had been recording Himself playing with my ass and pussy and now He wanted to record me sucking His cock.

So I did that for a while, and then He put the camera down and we fucked. His knee is still bothering Him so He told me to be on top. It wasn't really my mood at the time, so it honestly took me a little while to get into it, but it didn't take long and I was cumming.

He filled me, I cleaned Him off, and we relaxed out in the living room for a few more hours before calling it a night.

And today we've been flirting a lot and being touchy feely. It's been wonderful. He had me give Him a blow job today, which was also nice.

That's one thing I both love and hate about weekends. I love the weekends because I get all this time with the love of my life, and we flirt and get horny as hell, and just have a great time. But then Monday rolls around and we have to go back to the day to day bullshit.

It's not that we don't flirt and have sex during the week.. it's just different during the weekend because I'm not tired from work and I know I don't have to get up at 6am the next day so I'm much more relaxed.

On the flip side of all this sexual talk, Master was offered a job today. It's part-time but it's better than nothing at all. It's not the pay grade He wanted, but it's a start. He has to go in tomorrow and fill out the paperwork. And He knows already that He has to work this weekend, so at least we know that in advance. We don't know if He'll have to work anytime during the week though. I'm sure He'll find that all out tomorrow.

So I'm very proud of Him and hope that this one pans out for Him, and turns out to be a good experience.

Return of the Slut Wear

Sounds like a bad 80's movie doesn't it? Yeah. It kinda does.

Master was taking pictures of our dog this afternoon, and as He was uploading them to the computer He said He wanted new pictures of me. He then mentioned that He wanted me in something totally fuckable.

So that to me means it's time to break out the slut gear again. Don't get me wrong, I've been dressing up for Him, but it hasn't been total slut gear type stuff.

I then mentioned to Master that we should get some pictures of Him. At first He said no. Then He said I could get some pictures of Him and our dog outside tomorrow.

Well that's great, but I was hoping for some sexy pics of Him. I know even if He did let me take them, He probably wouldn't want them online. Which is fine. I want them more for me.

I know He normally scoffs at compliments, or just says thank you. But I think He's sexy as hell. I find Him incredibly attractive. So I wouldn't mind some sexy pics of Him as well.

Who knows. Maybe one day (hopefully soon) He'll allow me, if I promise to never post them. It's odd. He doesn't mind pictures with His cock in it, but other than that He doesn't really care to have pictures of Himself up on this blog. *shrugs* No idea.

So.. it seems like tonight Master is in a picture taking mood. So I'm trying to think of what to wear, how do to my make-up.. things of that nature. Thankfully it's still early, and not like midnight already. So I have some time to get ready.

I'll be heading off to take my bath, shave, and all that shortly.

 

Don't Sweat the Small Stuff

... and it's all small stuff.

That is something Master said to me about a week or two ago. He said it to me during a time where I was apparently switching moods, and the mood that came in between the switching was pissy. It's weird how that works, and this post isn't about my mood transitions, so I'll leave it at that.

He looked at me and He said, "Remember when we said we wouldn't sweat the small stuff, and it's all small stuff? What happened to that?"

I was freaking out about something or other. I honestly at this moment can not remember what it was. But those couple of sentences hit me like a ton of bricks.

I do remember when we promised each other that. We promised one another that we wouldn't let the small shit get to us or ruin what we have. Now, when He said that it's all small stuff.. He didn't literally mean everything. Him and I agree that are some major things that could definitely kill our marriage. But they are all within our control. They are the normal major things... cheating, actual full on abuse, etc. (And yes I am in the minority in my belief that even though you are in an M/s dynamic you can still be abused. Although admittedly it would have to be pretty god damn horrifying.)

But basically everything else besides things such as that, it's all small stuff. And I was, at the time, sweating it. And I am doing my damnedest to not do that anymore. I believe I am making progress. I hope He feels that way too.

And today for some reason those sentences were running a marathon through my mind. It's nothing that's going on between us. But it was in fact overhearing a fight between a coworker and their husband. And it really was small stuff. Like, minuscule.

Now I know this particular coworker rather well. We talk quite a bit. But I overheard her fighting with her husband and I was shocked at what she said. It really isn't my business but I couldn't really help but hear it.

She said that if he forgot to take the garbage out one more time, he would see alimony payments coming off his paycheck. Those were her exact words.

And I'm sure my eyes widened upon hearing it, but I didn't react in any other way that I know of.

I walked away after she slammed the phone down and looked at me and said, "Men! Gods. Why do we put up with them?"

I am not a fan of man bashing. I understand that we all get frustrated and need to vent, but that kind of generalizing rubs me the wrong way even if it's in that kind of context.

Probably because I was a tom boy growing up and so all my guy friends would start bitching about their girlfriends and start generalizing about "chicks" and I'd be like, "Dude, I'm a chick."

It's annoying, and regardless of what side of the board it's on.. it's insulting. I am not like the stereotypes regarding females. Or at least not all of them.. *laughs*

So anyway, like I said, I don't like man bashing. You want to bitch about your significant other, that's fine. But don't drag every other man into that same lot.

But I walked away because I mean.. it's taking out the fucking garbage. And this dude is pussy whipped anyway. I know. I've met him. The other thing that really shocked me... they've only been married for a month and she's already holding the threat of divorce over his head. That's not cool.

Yes, it's annoying when one of the spouses forgets to do something. And yes, it's irritating when you have to repeat yourself. I get that. But I couldn't imagine threatening divorce over such a thing.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. I am not the perfect wife. Master is not the perfect Husband. And we do not have a perfect marriage. But rather than trying to tear our marriage, and in turn one another, apart is not how we handle our problems. That may be the knee-jerk reaction sometimes, but it's not what we do.

My Brain Lied To Me

All day today it felt like a Friday. All. Fucking. Day.

My brain was lying to me since my alarm went off, making me think it was Friday. But no. It's only Thursday. And that sucks. I am more than ready for the weekend.

Master picked me up from work today, because MZ left around noon. And she's my normal ride home. His knee is still really messing with Him though, so I drove us home. Master doesn't like playing passenger, not because He doesn't like how I drive, but just because He hates it. So I know His knee is really bothering Him.

I'm worried, but there isn't much I can do. He's wearing a knee brace, He's elevating it, He's soaking it in hot water, He's stretching it. He's doing everything a doctor is going to tell Him to do. But it's been almost a month since His knee started bothering Him, so I'm worried.

That, and I just worry about Him in general. I'm His wife and His slave, it's my job to worry about Him. It's in the job description.

Other than that there isn't a lot on my mind right now.

We had incredible sex last night. But as Master said this evening, we're going to have to find some other ways of doing things because He's paying for it today. He wasn't complaining, but He's right.

So I'm sure this weekend will be filled with "injured-knee-friendly sexual position" seeking.

Every Single Time

I hadn't spoken to Master about this yet because I didn't know if it would be feasible. But I had this plan rolling around in my head (there is a lot of room in there, so it rolled quite a bit..) that the week of Thanksgiving, since I have a four day weekend, we could spend that entire time having a grand old time flexing our kink muscles.

I'm not saying the leash is slack, because it's not. And I'm not saying that I have an itch that isn't being scratched, or anything along those lines.

It's just that I knew I had a four day weekend coming up in a few weeks and I was looking forward to doing nothing but kinky stuff and relaxing.

The problem being... that it's Thanksgiving weekend. Okay, Thanksgiving to me is not a big deal. Not in the least bit. When I was growing up it was, because my entire family.. including parts of it that live in different states, would come to my great grandparent's house and we would all spend time catching up.

But as the years roll by, that doesn't happen anymore and hasn't in a very long time. I would say at least 15 years. These days it's going to my mom's house for a while, then my dad's house, and sometimes we toss Master's mother into the mix as well.

Well shit. We do that at Christmas time. So why not just skip this Thanksgiving and call it done? I was planning on lying my ass off as it got closer and either telling people that I had to work, or that I was sick.

Yes, Master and I see each other every day. And yes, we have the whole weekend together. But normally there is mundane stuff that takes over, or we have plans with friends and/or family. So I was looking forward to lying my tail off and just relaxing all four days.

Especially if I used the sick card. Then I could say I didn't want to get anyone else sick and just skate through the whole four days.

Then tonight ST called. He lives about three to four hours away right now. When the phone rang and I realized it was him, I looked at Master and I said, "Do I have to answer this?"

To which He of course said yes. Damn.

So I answered. ST is a drama queen. And a self-loathing one at that. So ST and I talk for a while and he's telling me how he's going to be "home" for the holidays. And he hinted that he would be in our neck of the woods during the Thanksgiving weekend.

Joy.

I haven't seen him in quite some time, but honestly I don't really want to see him right now. I have problems of my own, I don't need to be fixing his.. or at least pretending to want to fix his problems. He ended the call by saying that he'd call us once he was in town to see what day/time we would be free.

Now, the sickness excuse might still work. But I don't know if Master is going to let that fly. I also don't know if ST is going to let us brush him off that easily.

Dealing with him is a chore and a half most times, and I'm just not up to it right now.

So yeah. Plans possibly ruined, even though they weren't technically plans because I hadn't even voiced them yet. Mainly because the whole "plan" idea just popped into my head today at work, and I didn't have time to really broach the subject with Master before ST called.

So we shall we what happens.

What's In a Name?

I've touched on this topic before. One of my favorite posts that I've written on the subject is this one.

It was a little while ago, obviously. But it is still a very well written post in my opinion, and it totally sums up what I was feeling. That's one thing I love about blogging, I can go back and remember exactly what I was feeling right then. It's interesting to say the least.

So why has the subject come up again? Well it's not because of an anniversary or anything. That's still a ways off.

But quite a few people I know are either recently engaged, are getting engaged soon, or have very recently gotten married.

Most of them are coworkers. But BC is planning on purposing to his girlfriend in April, and SS recently got engaged. So yeah, it seems the marriage virus is taking hold of a lot of people I know.

I don't call it a virus to say that marriage is a horrible thing, because to me it's not. I love being married.

But it does seem to come in waves. Like no one is getting married or engaged for the longest time, and then suddenly.. *bam* Almost every "single" person you know is engaged or just got married.

I do have to say that I am surprised by how many of the women I know are taking their soon to be husband's last name, or have.

I am one of those people. When Master and I got married, I took His last name and I am very glad that I did. It makes me feel closer to Him in a way, and I also see it as a way of marking myself as His property in a very public and "acceptable" way.

So why am I surprised by this? Well.. it just seems the not-so-new thing to do is to hyphenate your name or keep your maiden name.

It's almost like some women are afraid to totally take that plunge. I've heard some women state that they feel is taking part of their identity away. I don't really understand that. But I don't think that way, so of course I wouldn't understand.

I was honestly kind of glad to be rid of my maiden name. It's not that I hated it, because I didn't. But almost no one could fucking spell it right without asking. It was annoying. My married name is very easy to spell, unless you're a complete and utter idiot.

Another thing I've heard women say is that they are too proud of their heritage to give up their last name. Um. Okay? I mean I'm proud of my heritage, or at least what I know of it. But my heritage, and my last name are two completely different things in my eyes. My heritage is part of who I am. It is in my blood and so can never, ever be lost.

My last name lets others know what "clan" I'm a part of. I was part of my maiden name's clan.. and I always will be because that is where I came from. But now I am part of Master's clan, and my name shows that.

And while Master has a very large family on His father's side.. I don't really know any of them. And I don't think of them as my clan. My clan is very, very small. It consists of Master and myself. Just because I share a last name with His extended family doesn't really mean a lot to me. Probably because Master is not extremely close to that side of His family.

I don't really know where I'm going with this post... just something that's been rattling around inside my head today.

But it makes sense to me, so I guess that's what counts.

Garfield Was Right

Mondays fucking blow. I don't think he ever actually said "Mondays fucking blow" in a comic strip.. but it would have been funny as hell.

And for anyone who is confused right now, I'm talking about the comic strip orange cat named Garfield.

I knew that today was going to suck. And I knew this due to a few factors:

1. I had a three day weekend. And whenever you have more days off in a row than normal, going back to the usual week sucks even more.


2. I had off on Friday, obviously, so that means my work for that day piled up.

So yeah.

Last night after Master and I got home from my dad's house we watched a movie. Well, to be more accurate we started watching a movie and we both ended up napping through parts of it. I don't know what hit us but suddenly we were both tired.

So last night I think I ended up passing out shortly after taking care of the rabbits. I remember Master waking me up when He was ready to go off to bed and putting out His hand to help me up off the couch. He's a sweetheart.

I also remember being a very happy Kitten when we curled up and fell asleep.

For some stupid as hell reason though I woke up at least three times last night between the hours of 3am and 6am. I had to check the clock each time, and when I realized it wasn't time for me to get up yet, I just rolled over and went back to sleep. But it still really, really sucked. It was like my brain was afraid that I was going to sleep through my alarm or something. Stupid brain! *shakes fist*

So as I thought it would be, work was extremely busy today but at least it made the day go by quickly.

Master picked me up from work, we ran to the pet store and got dog food, then came home, ate dinner, and have been just killing the hours with Netflix and other random stuff.

It seems that we're both tired this evening as well. I think part of it might be due to the weather but I'm not sure. That I normally don't have a shit load of energy when I'm on my period, for whatever reason.

Although my mood is staying up, I'll be glad though once I'm on whatever medication the doctor decides to give me, so that I can get past the whole getting use to it thing. I know that part is going to suck ass.